i keep seeking friendships/connections that i will never have and that probably will never exist. i don’t have many irl friends, and the ones i have are busy to put it simply. we all got our own shit, they just have more for various reasons. my whole life i’ve felt like the throwaway friend. i’ve definitely never felt like i’m anyone’s best or closest friend. so on social media i try to create a bond that i don’t have with anyone (save for maybe my mama and my kids). but it doesn’t work here either. i’m still throw away. i feel like 5 people would notice if i disappeared tomorrow. and maybe that number would go up to 7. but by the weeks end it would max out around 9 or 10. i just hate feeling like i can’t connect. or that i’m not worth the connection. oh well…
