hey guys. feel like i owe the thirty of you an update after that trainwreck of an exam season and the early death of this account. check second last para for tl;dr regarding the revival of this account. so. few things:
firstly, my exams ended on the seventh of november and right now i've already gotten two jobs to fill my holidays up because holy shit im literally free.
secondly, regarding how my exams went. honestly i dont fucking know. while doing the exam itself i went through several stages of im so fucked and we're so bad, and that's not even counting the stress before. and in the immediate debrief and subsequent consult with reddit, the mood just fluctuated more and more, and now, nearly a month after the last exam, after i've had PLENTY of time to stew over every single one of my mistakes, i genuinely don't know how i did and that's terrifying for me. so. that's my non answer to that question.
thirdly, am i coming back? this year? probably not. i literally have nothing to study for, i'm just trying to make bank this holidays. however, this account genuinely DID help me get some more organisation into my life with was SORELY needed. and it will definitely help me in my next stage of life, whether that be junior college, polytechnic or (god forbid) ite. so i will probably bring it back for that. so watch out for me next feb/march?
fourthly, will i share my grades? if i decide they're worth sharing, yes. anything above fifteen (god fucking forbid) no one is going to know except myself and my immediate family. anything above twenty i. don't know what i'll do lmao. i'll probably be too busy sobbing to even think about posting about it online. if it's below ten though, you guys will be sure to know (if you even care).
honestly i think that covers any possible questions you may have. other miscellaneous updates: most days i wake up in a panic because i think i have an exam and this is such a shitty feeling. especially because lately i keep having nightmares. each night its a different and new nightmare but ALL of them include in SOME way, me needing to go to an exam (or worse, being late to an exam) i am ALWAYS in some way, unprepared to take. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT. i'm starting to think i have ptsd from this exam season which is literally CRAZY.
other news: i just got hired at starbucks, and am also currently working at another place so. quite busy. also i'm participating in kotlc secret santa and am writing freely for the first time in MONTHS which is soooo relieving. also, i just finished a new book yesterday for the first time in what feels like forever and life genuinely feels so good right now, i kind of don't want results day to come anytime soon. have loved hanging out with friends but i'm (SURPRISINGLY) missing school, not for the classes but for my friends. i just miss them so bad i'm having withdrawal symptoms.
re: revival of this acc. if i return online in mid january, then the acc will be revived by feb/march and you guys may get some insight into my jc picking process. if i don't return by then, i'll probably only return around mid to late march or even april.
not much else. if you read all of that: i love you and thank u sooo much for being w me and supporting my studying journey. 💗💗💗
