Between Being and Becoming @wonder--boi - Tumblr Blog

The only person who could get away with being the Joker is a cishet white man, but I’ll be damned if the rest of us don’t have plenty of motivation.

Im doin alright. My memory loss/brain injury is an ongoing recovery. I am still finding things I misplaced in myself, am remembering things i forgot about myself.

The steadiness of my life has shown me more about where im unsteady. Currently trying to set in some new habits and thought patterns to be kinder and more faithful to my Self.

It’s decreasing now, but i have a ton of apprehension abt the ways that im changing my expression and inclinations - theres a deeper part of me that worries that if i change too much i will lose the people, the life that i have. But im working on affirming that im alive and i *should* be changing, and that if the people around me dont appreciate the way that im growing and becoming, then that is a loss i have survived before and will survive again, and im no longer the kind of person that would spite themselves to stay superficially safe.

Of course, this is a moment to moment thing and it all feels new, but that doesnt mean i shldnt stick with it.

Asked a friend to help me headshot last weekend.

#boi #black boi #fall in philly

I somehow keep forgetting that I’m bad af. Like all around, I’m a dope person. I forget that and become small and fragile and perceive myself as powerless.

It’s not true.

I’m not afraid of myself or the world.

The world should be afraid of me.

bubbles

getting up at 6 am by choice: wow what a beautiful sunrise! the house is so peaceful and quiet. i feel really tired but i don’t have to do anything but just sit here and enjoy the morning. what a pleasant feeling

getting up at 6 am because you have to: these covers draped upon my mortal coil have become the dirt above my casket. my corpse refuses to unsettle the earth to rise from its grave. i have been dead for centuries and have no intentions to assimilate once more into the tragic world of the living

enginesfullbloom

top: holding phone with both hands, typing with both thumbs bottom: holding phone with one hand, typing with index/middle finger of the other vers: holding phone with one hand, typing with that hand’s thumb

#vers top

dopeeeeeeshxt

Nyakim Gatwech at the 2018 Emmys

Designer: laviebyck

It’s been a rough 6wks, but I’m so loved in so many ways.

I had 3 seizures - #2 dislocated my shoulder, and #3 broke it a few hours later. They had to put my shoulder back in the socket while it was still broken, and then I had surgery to anchor the broken parts a few days later. They loaded me up on anti-seizure and pain medication so I have significant memory loss for a 2wk period in august.

There are things that come back. Things I know I can’t remember. And things I don’t know that I can’t remember. Moments I can’t get back - like my qp meeting my mom. Or my friends meeting my mom. Having all of them around me.

Im heartbroken and full-hearted all at once.

devinellekurtz

Collection of my plant animal series thus far

gawd-desses

psychicheart

Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Patti Smith, all dark, all romantic. When I say “romantic,” I mean a sensibility that sees everything, and has to express everything, and still doesn’t know what the fuck it is, it hurts that bad. It just madly tries to speak whatever it feels, that can mean vast things. That mentality can turn a sun-kissed orange into a flaming meteorite, and make it sound like that in a song. -

Jeff Buckley