Wonderfully Bad Jokes

All sorts of bad jokes for your use!

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Windmills love a specific kind of music.

They’re huge metal fans.

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The wind machine has gone critical!

It’s gonna blow!

[wonderfullybadjokes]

I own two crows, Beatrice and Nathaniel. Nathaniel is mute.

Just Bea Caws

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Everyone else was unsure what to ask the Wizard of Oz for, but not the Tin Man.

He got right to the heart of the matter.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

There’s a song about a dragon that I can’t get out my head.

It’s a ear wyrm.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

I have the World’s Greatest Stamp Collection.

I have the Stamp of Approval.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Robin: Batman! The Batmobile won’t start!

Batman: Did you check the battery?

Robin: What’s a tery?

[wonderfullybadjokes]

I knew a guy named Swaldo. He got bit by a monster and now he grows claws and fur during a full moon.

WereSwaldo

[wonderfullybadjokes]

My friend had to step in as the lead in Little Shop of Horrors at the last second.

He was Suddenly Seymour.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Deodorant is so easy to use.

No sweat!

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Kylo Ren accidentally captured someone who resembled his old master.

He caught a Luke alike.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

The sun at night? It's not at its best.

But during the day? That's where it really shines.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Hold on y'guys I am dropping the gauntlet.

YO! 365badjokes and theworstpuns I am calling you OUT! I think your pun game is weak. Mine is a year! There can be only one joke blog on top! And much like a broken elevator, I’m bringing you two DOWN! I am calling for a Pun-off! Bring your best stuff. Cuz you know that I will.

[theworstpuns]

HAH! wonderfullybadjokes challenging me? You’re on! 

-cracks knuckles-

I moustache you a question: Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that came out of your mouth? Your game is like a bankrobber on the run (read: going far south). Take me down? poor soul i’m far too l33t, though if bullshit could float you’d be admiral of the fleet.  

I don’t mean to be nas-tea, I don’t mean to rude. But you might want to turn the dial down on the ‘tude. Don’t think I don’t appreciate these ad homonym attacks. But challenging me? Boy, you got other things to axe. “Do I have a deathwish?” should be one on that list. Now make like a pirate and seas and desist. As you can see I got puns and jokes for days. If this shit was a farmer’s market i’d be the one to a-maize. Now I got plenty more bullets in this pun submachine gun, but first some last words before this post is done:

Your ass is go-karting while i’m f1 grand prix. 

So frankly my dear you can go ahead and…

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Awww… you took a day to make a little rhyme. It’s like the garbage at a clock store, a waste of time. If you challenge me, you might wind up dead. Make like a lettuce, and quit while you’re a head. If you keep going it’s gonna be a disaster. The Doctor is chasing after me, cuz I’m The Master! Been posting 4 jokes a day for close to 2 years. Have you been swimming? Cuz you seem a little wet behind the ears. This isn’t over, I got puns to spare. Like 100 grizzlies, it’s too much for you to bear. 

I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re not sad. See I’m not the Worst…

I’m just Wonderfully Bad.

[theworstpuns]

Gauntlet part 2

If you don’t know what is going on

Cute, wonderfullybadjokes

i took a day because I didn’t notice your tiny ass. Throwing around stats like the nerdiest kid in class. HAH 2 years, 4 jokes and you’re still trash. I’m the compactor at the crematorium because i’ll smash your ash. Though I must give you kudos for keeping this rhyme thing trucking. But much like a chinese made hoover you are the suck king.

If you keep this up I’ll ask my school to reimburse. Because you’ll be living proof evolution can go in reverse. I hope you can face the music and you won’t be a whiner, But i’m afraid you’re ending up as A-flat minor. Too much to bear? i’m having a field day! I hope you know what a will is (It’s a dead give-away).

Now as a last line, just for kicks: chortle on a veritable cornucopia of dicks.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

You may know how to rhyme, but you still stink. You don’t even know how to stop a text post from becoming a link. Your puns are so old they’re practically classic. Call up John Hammond, we’ve found something from the Jurassic. You’re going low-brow, I’d rather go high-end. But I’m worried that you just wouldn’t comprehend- the genius I spit every single day. I’m like Frank Sinatra, I’m doing it My Way.

So back off, get away from my throne. If you lost a brain cell, the other one would be alone. On your way out, don’t let the door hit you in the ass. You’re like a teacher that was fired, cuz you got no class. I’m winning this pun-off don’t you see. This whole thing is like the basement, it’s beneath me.

I hope you understood, I’ll get you a translator. Oh and tell your mom I’ll be calling her later.

[theworstpuns]

It would lose the formatting, before you spew your bile. Then again thats just like you: 0 sense of style. Your genius is a dime a dozin’ and the spit problem you have comes from your dad being your cousin. 

Sea I can’t be beneath you, your level is in the Mariana Trench. The only thing you're good for is warming up the loser’s bench. Bringing up Sinatra and talking about old? I’ll pull a Mack The Knife and lay you out cold. So bitch, please. You really screwed the pooch. Stop talking bullshit and lay off the hooch.

When it comes to pun royalty theres a disparity between wanting (you) and being (me). You’re a featherweight nobody and i’m muhammad ali. So you better back off for your own well being. Now make like a frenchman and start fleeing. Chez mon you for even having a whirl. Because in this game i’m the pimp and you’re the call girl. 

The throne is mine, you just don’t know yet. If you disagree you need a visit from the doc or maybe a vet. Though I’m afraid putting you down is the only option. Because with a blog like that they won’t put your ass up for adoption.

Now get on out of here, no need to linger. But if you don’t you can suck my

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[wonderfullybadjokes]

You think you got this, think you’re on a roll. But, you’re a broken shoe cuz you got no sole. This battle should be over, I’ve already won. On account that you neglected to use a single pun. Wanna turn this pun-off into rhymes? I’m game! But losing the humor? Now it’s just lame. I can’t believe you forgot, never thought you’d choke. Maybe you didn’t notice cuz you’re the biggest joke.

You’ve just been rhyming and being crude from the start. I’ll call you the Tin Man since you have no heart. You thought you’d win with just rhymes and themes. But like the flying pink unicorn, it’s only in your dreams.

I’m almost done, I’ll keep this short and sweet. Because much like an omelet, you’ve already been beat. You have no substance, you’re just sound. Maybe you’ll stop once you’re 8 feet below the ground. This battle is over, your bubble’s been burst. You should stop rhyming…

Cuz you’re the Worst.

[theworstpuns]

Lose the humour and neglected to use a single pun? Did you lose the glasses again hun? From dime a dozin’ (as in you put me to sleep), sea and Mariana Trench, Sinatra and Mack The Knife, bitch please and screwed the pooch, french man and fleeing to chez mon you. I think a visit at the optometrist is due. But hey, no need to worry. For the next part i’ll make sure to highlight it for ye.

You can’t just make up false accusations and then cry victory, your sister thought the line about your dad was pretty witty. Not into crude humour? fine by me. But then don’t come back and pour oil on the fire with glee. Chemistry is out of wack here cause you keep reacting. But all you’re doing is overacting.

I’m breaking this down like a french jamaican cheese making devotee because i’m about knee deep in your smoking de brie. Talking trash like it’s a sanitation convention. Though your commitment to it deserves honorable mention.

Few last words before i’m outta here. As we’re kind of making history in the blogosphere. Deciding ourselves is going nowhere since nobody will submit. So readers, reblog this with the name of the one you think nailed it.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Those are your puns!? That’s barely association. Those are more filtered than the water at a sewage station. If you think those are jokes, you’ve made a mistake. You thought you were clear but instead you’re opaque. Your jokes are so weak, people pass them by. I couldn’t find the humor without a private eye!

And thank God this time you replied in less than 24 hours. I usually think you died and start buying funeral flowers. Usually with a pun-off you have to be fast. Not sitting around watching the years go past. You’re terrible if you’re writing these as fast as you can. Or do you fall asleep for 20 years like Old Rip Van? If you’re trying to be slow and steady you can give yourself high fives. Meanwhile, the hare already won, and we’ve all moved on with our lives.

So yeah this has gone on for awhile, and you’re all done. You’ve taken enough punishment, stress on the pun. I hope everyone here will give me their vote. I’ll end this like a soprano, on a high note. We’ve been campaigning like Roman politicians in a way. You can be Caesar, I’ll be Brutus and we’ll see who’s around at the end of the day.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

One time I played poker with a deck of tarot cards.

I got a Full House and 3 people died.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

I used to be addicted to dish soap.

I’m clean now.

[wonderfullybadjokes]

Did you hear about the paper that died?

RIP