Oh, Mama ...

Down to clown. ✌🏼 🇦🇺 Lover of smut and fluff. Writer of both. AO3. Prompt/hc requests currently on hold as I work through the backlog 😅

[selkiesparrow]

Andy Samberg at the ‘Chip ‘N Dale: Rescue Rangers’ premiere, Hollywood, California, May 18, 2022

[beardedmrbean]

[usersitcom]

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE 5.09 “99”

[guccifloralsuits]

YOU are consuming media. I’m letting it consume me

[fapamir]

*¼ through a fanfic* wait i’ve read this before

*2/4 through a fanfic* lol no i haven’t wtf is hapenning

* ¾ through  fanfic* OMG I’VE READ THIS BEFORE

[eeyore9990]

Alternatively:

*¼ through fanfic* Wow, this is a great, unique plot!

*½ through fanfic* Holy shit, what happens next??

*¾ through fanfic* I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WILL BE RESOLVED!!!

*fanfic finished, kudos button mashed* AO3: You have already left kudos here. :)

[amydancepants-peralta]

do jake and amy get another chance to fuck in another country after their honeymoon

Sure, eventually! With all those brothers there's bound to be one that has a Destination Wedding 🗺

[amydancepants-peralta]

that pain when jake and amy joke about their feelings for each other being in the past and you just know it wasn't

[amydancepants-peralta]

how do jake and amy decide to have a second kid do u think? (i take it as canon that they do lol)

I think maybe they're still in the 'talking about it' stage / not being super strict with birth control when it happens ... a little more unexpected, given Amy's assumption that the second round will be as difficult as the first, but a happy surprise most of all!

[amydancepants-peralta]

how do jake and amy celebrate future valentine's days? we never saw a valentine's day episode

I think they're a little dubious on the whole Valentine's thing, and might buy each other something small or cute for the day but choose to celebrate other days a little more meaningful to their relationship!

[amydancepants-peralta]

When did the apartment makeover happen. While Amy was in her nesting phase or during her extended maternity leave?

I think the idea for a makeover happened during her nesting phase ... and then an extended maternity leave, tied with a literal lockdown, lead to a lot of online ordering and studying YouTube videos 👀👀 Some (read: most!) of their family and friends thought they were crazy, redecorating while learning how to cope with a new baby, but there's little that a Determined Santiago can't get through! 🔨

[amydancepants-peralta]

Do you’ve ant more/cont headcanons about the “hot spouses at their son’s parent-teacher conference” outfits from LNWS

Hmm off the top of my head.... 🤔

Admittedly, Jake's memories of parent-teacher conferences when he was younger were a little different than most, so he kinda leans on Amy's directions at first

Especially the dressing nicely part ... mainly because that was a Roger Seducing a Teacher move and let's be honest Jake is SO not going there

He feels particularly Adult as he walks into the school building with Amy, passing rows and rows of lockers that seem impossibly small (there's no way they were that little when he was growing up, right?!)

All of Mac's teachers seem pretty ... great, actually. And they have glowing reviews about their son, which just makes Jake grin so big his cheeks genuinely start to hurt

The feedback also has an added bonus: a proud Amy snuggling against him the entire cab ride home - their boy is an academic gem, after all 😌💕

[amydancepants-peralta]

AU where Amy meets Jake at a club and it’s just Taylor Swift’s Gorgeous playing on repeat in her head. Not a prompt just thinking out loud.

I definitely see it!

[amydancepants-peralta]

Mid coitus “hold my hand”

"Okay, I think we’ve got it this time.  You just need to ... here, hold my hand.”

Pushing away a sweaty strand of hair with a frustrated huff, Amy grunts as she attempts to stretch her spine just that little further back.  The diagrams in this Kama Sutra book made things look WAY easier than they were.  She feels her palms slide ineffectively against her husband’s - one of the rare times when his support didn’t change all things for the better - and with another huff, her exhausted limbs collapse onto the mattress.  “It’s no use, babe.”

Lifting his eyebrows, Jake reshuffles the pillows beneath both of their bodies, and throws out his best Supportive Husband smile.  “I mean, we ... almost had it?”

Chuckling at his obvious lie, Amy shakes her head.  “I love your optimism, but we were nowhere near nailing that position.”  She shifts in place, sliding one bare leg between Jake’s as he shuffles closer in kind.  “Our bodies just don’t bend that way.  Honestly, whoever came up with that one has to have been a Human Slinky.”

Jake’s responding laughter comes out in a snort, warm arms wrapping around Amy’s middle as his bouncing shoulders nudge against her messy hair.  “Okay, okay.  It’s a no go on that one, then.”  He turns his neck to the left, capturing Amy’s lips in a commiserative kiss.  “You’re way hotter than a human slinky, anyway, babe.”

She pouts, quickly and with a wink - “I should hope so!” - before cupping her husband’s butt with one free hand.  “Now, where were we ...?”    

[amydancepants-peralta]

Jake+ Amy+ that red lipstick (headcanons, fics, anything you want!)

At first, he's too taken in with the overall gorgeousness of his wife to realise just how good that red lipstick is

Until, that is, Amy turns her head to laugh at some stupid joke Jake makes, and suddenly it's All He Can See

It's magical. Doesn't transfer onto his lips whenever he kisses her (and he tests this theory. a lot.) and takes Amy's hotness level from A+ to A+++ and honestly that's something Jake never expected to experience, but he's definitely here for it.

He holds her hand just a little tighter as they walk into the venue, an unconscious mixture of wow, I get to go home with her and please, don't ever want to hold any other man's hand running through his mind

And then he remembers that tonight, they're officially baby-free (until Nana Karen drops Mac off in the morning!) and then it's really hard to concentrate on anything else, to be honest

Safe to say, he gets ... distracted ... thinking about good those red lips would look ... elsewhere

A few days later, when he's finally getting to the laundry while Mac plays with his blocks, Jake finds his white button-down with red lipstick marks on the collar, and grins. Safe to say, red is now his favourite colour. 💋

[mrystudy]

I refuse to apologize for being soft—let me fall in love with life. let me sing and speak to my house-plants, let me dance in my bedroom with headphones, let me read by my windowsill when it’s pouring outside. let me stroke my friend’s face and say something sappy. let me be unapologetically happy for the little things that make my day better. life’s too short anyway, at least let me love it every step of the way

[florealegiardini]

A still life of peonies, roses, honeysuckle, poppies, a crown imperial, rhododendrons and other flowers in a terracotta urn on a ledge (detail), Arnoldus Bloemers (Dutch, 1792-1844)

[jakeyp]

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE + egyptian gods and goddesses insp. | art credit.