𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧 𝟏 - 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧
“𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳'𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭”
genre: angst for days
word count: ???
pairing: Hyunjin x Reader
Her body jerked from the dream and she was awake instantly. Her breathing became sharp and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. She took a moment to process her dream and soon enough the aching feeling in her chest grew, tears welling up in her eyes and sobs echoed around the dark bedroom. She wiped away her tears but they continued to spill one after another. She buried her face into her pillow and cried into it silently.
The bathroom door opened and a freshly showered Hyunjin stepped out in sweats and a hoodie. He closed the door behind him and when he looked over to her, his smile fell at her state. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. Her body was shaking from her trying to keep her cries quiet as possible. No matter how many times he has seen her like this, he doesn’t get used to how much it hurts him. His chest ached at the sight of her looking so broken. And he knew what was the cause of her grief.
Silently, he went to her side and pulled the pillow gently away from her. She immediately covered her face with her hands.
“Y/N…” He calls out to her softly.
He reached out to her and pulled her hands away from her face, pulling her into a much needed tight embrace. He ran his fingers through her hair and he felt her ease into his touch. She buried her face against his chest as she let herself cry. He held onto her tightly and kissed the top of her head, drawing circles against her lower back in attempt to soothe her down. Her breathing slowly calmed down and she leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Did you dream about him again?” He whispered against her hair.
She nodded slowly, sniffling and wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. He hummed in response. Silence fell among the two.
“I’m sorry.” She began. “I’m sorry for being like this all the time. I don’t know how you deal with me and it’s crazy that you’re still with me..” Her voice cracked. “I know it’s hurting you and you don’t have to be with me if you feel guilty–“
He tilted her head up and cupped her face, looking into her watery eyes, making her go quiet. With his thumbs, he wiped any remaining tears and pressed his forehead against hers. He locked eyes with her to make sure she could see how sincere he is with everything.
“Y/N, I hope you know that you aren’t a burden to me in any way.” He says gently. “I wanna be with you because I want to. I wanna be there for you no matter what. I wanna stay by your side through everything.” Hyunjin assures her, caressing her face. “I love you so much…I hate to see you like this..” He admits. “But I understand why it hurts you so much.” He gives her a small smile. “I’m sorry that it happened.”
She stared back at him, biting her lower lip and looking down at her lap, fiddling with her fingers as memories clouded her thoughts. She hugged his torso tightly and rested against him. Hyunjin held her close, letting her cry against his hoodie for as long as she wanted. For as long as she needed.
After a while, Y/N grew tired from her overwhelming breakdown. Her tears had stopped or she probably ran out of tears to shed for the night. Her and Hyunjin laid in bed together, her arms wrapped around his as she cuddled against him and feeling his warmth. Throughout her whole crying session he played with her hair and held her in his arms, whispering words of comfort in her ear. How she ended up with somebody sweet as him? She had no clue.
But what she did know even though he tries to look strong for her sake, that there must be a part of him that’s breaking. And it was because of her as much as he tries to deny. Guilt started to eat her away her mind. She let out a soft sigh as she clings against his hoodie and shortly fell asleep from her emotions taking a toll on her.
Once he felt her body go limp and her soft breathing, Hyunjin looked over at her small frame against his. He brushed her hair away from her face and trailed his fingertips against her waist. He stared her rested face for the longest time.
She’s still damn gorgeous even with her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes, he thought.
The aching feeling in his chest only grew as he was reminded that his words of love didn’t get a response. Although he felt like he should’ve gotten accustomed it, it still hurt him but he didn’t want her to know that. She had enough to deal with.
Hyunjin was the first to say it. To declare his love for her. There was a wave of relief that washed over him when he did. His heart was still beating rapidly and his nerves were all over the place. But he finally confessed to her. He remembered that shy smile she had on her lips and the twinkle in her eyes. How she wrapped her arms around his neck and basically clinging onto him. He remembered how she cried soon after and told him how she was undeserving of his love. How she was nothing but a burden and how she felt she was too broken to fix.
“I have too much baggage. You’ll get tired of me..” She whimpered.
“Nonsense.” He responded. “I could never get tired of you.”
She looked at him with watery eyes, wiping at her tears with both hands. He took her hand and gently tugged her against him. He felt so strongly for her and he would be nothing but a fool to let a girl like her to walk away.
“I’ll say it again..I love you, Y/N. I love every single bit of you. The way you scrunch your nose when you don’t like something. The way you you laugh at almost everything.” He chuckles softly. “The way the smallest things can make you smile..I love your smile so damn much..I love how warm you feel whenever we hug. I love how just that is enough to make my heart beat fast and have me a blushing mess. I love how you’re always kind but don’t let anyone to take advantage of you. I love all of you.” He admits.
Y/N stared at him in awe and not knowing what to say before shyly looking down at the floor. Hyunjin tilted her chin up and spoke again.
“I know right now you’re having a difficult time and I know that I can’t fix everything.. But I do know that I care about you so damn much and that I wanna be there for you like how you’ve always been there for me. You don’t have to go through this alone..You can come to me..” He licked his lips, holding her hand against his chest. “My feelings are genuine and I hope that you..consider giving me a chance..” He felt his cheeks warm up as he started to become shy. “But if you’re not ready I completely understand-“
Before he could finish, he felt a pair of soft warm lips pressed against his and arms wrapped around his neck. At first he froze not processing what was going on but when he finally realized, he melted against her. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly and pulled her against him. Hyunjin was in pure bliss. The intimacy. The affection he felt pouring from her. The sweet taste of her lips. He was in heaven.
Y/N was the first to pull away to catch her breath. Her cheeks were crimson as she became shy from her action. Hyunjin stares at her, lips parted and was in disbelief that it actually happened. But soon a smile broke out on his face as he held her against his chest and teased her, earning a whine from her but a smile played on her lips.
Even if he didn’t get an ‘I love you’ back right away, Hyunjin knew her feelings through the kiss. She was hesitant and scared but there was also affection and sincerity that he felt from her. He knew that there was something there. He knew from the way that her lips felt and even now with her hugging him tight as if he would slip away just like he was afraid that she will do. It was enough for him.
Although, it doesn’t relieve how stung he felt whenever he didn’t get a declaration of love in return. It left him stung for a bit but he knew he couldn’t tell her how it made him feel. The last thing Hyunjin wanted was to cause her any more pain than she already has. He reminded himself that it wasn’t about him. That he should take her feelings into consideration. If he was in her shoes, he’d probably be in the same state as her.
As anyone would be in a broken state over a loss of their lover.
Her first kiss. Her first love. Her high school sweetheart. Her first everything. The guy that she’s been with for four years.
From what Y/N shared with him, they had a beautiful relationship. They knew each other like the back of their hands. They did everything together and had many memories. The two even had planned to go to the same university after graduating high school. Even though they were young, the idea of them getting married was a topic they brought up often and it was not weird for them to discuss. Friends and families who knew the couple would call them ‘the perfect match’.
But whatever they had planned for the future won’t happen.
“He was walking home at night when a drunk driver hit him…The collision was fatal. Before I could even get to the possible as fast as I could after his mom called me, his heart beat stopped. I didn’t get to say even get to say goodbye to him…” She sobbed into his chest one night and he could feel his heart ache as tears started to form in his own eyes.
He couldn’t do nothing but hold her that night. Words couldn’t fix what happened. How can he? It was out of his control. So Hyunjin just let her cry in his arms.
Tears started to form in his eyes without him realizing. It was hard for him too. But he felt he guilty for feeling that way. Who is he to feel upset? He had no right in his eyes. But it hurt him too. It pained him. He’s been longing to hear those three words from her lips one day. Maybe it was selfish but he couldn’t help it. Was he being too needy?
Hyunjin couldn’t help but compare himself to her past. He spent nights overthinking and putting himself down about not being enough. He craved the reassurance. But he wouldn’t tell her that. Instead, he would relieve all his stress in the practice room with the other members and dance until his legs gave out. Still, he couldn’t escape those negative thoughts.
“I can’t compare to him.” He whispered to himself, tears trailing down his face as he watched the rain become heavy as his heart.
