The Owl Blargs

Just a place to store my word barf. Or, y'know, really dumb and short text posts that I don't want on my personal blog.

[word-expulsion]

It’s been like 3 years since I’ve been a relationship and honestly I still get Fucked Up about it sometimes especially during this time of year. It’s just one of those things yknow

Like I kind of left it like…it doesn’t matter and none of it will matter and I’ll feel better eventually but the truth is…i haven’t stopped thinking about it since the day it happened. I walk around in public and I hope to God I don’t run into him and I pray that none of his friends see me because I feel so Disgusting in their eyes and I don’t even know what he fuck he told them back then when it Happened

And I just feel like ever since it happened I kind of just shut myself off completely and I literally can’t get myself to like people straight or even at all and its been so hard to trust and differentiate between romance and platonic and I pushed a lot of people out of my life because I guess I was trying to understand why the fuck he did it to me

And idk it’s old news and I should be over it but every now and then I get struck with the “why did you have to leave like that we could’ve lasted such a long time” but then I kind of have to keep telling myself that honey, he left and that was his decision and it’s not your fault and you gotta keep just moving on like this even if it fucking sucks

Are you happy now? Does it still haunt you? Do you ever wish the depression didn’t consume you do you ever wish we’d just survived against all odds?

[word--barf]

Looking through this blog thinking "God, I was literally everything I've learned to hate glad I'm not any of those people anymore"

[word--barf]

Do people miss this blog? Sometimes I miss this blog. I miss writing long ass posts about whatever I’m doing or thinking. Sometimes Twitter just doesn’t cut it But I’ve burned so many bridges that I don’t want anyone on the opposite end finding any trace of how I’m doing and where I’m going in life because they don’t deserve that honestly But I like having this blog here and I don’t really want to delete it because there’s so much history and so many past selves and ghosts and I don’t know, even though there’s a lot of sad stuff it’s nice to have something to look back at sometimes

[word--barf]

Three reasons I haven't really been using this blog as often as I used to: 1) I have rediscovered Twitter again 2) I'm trying to be more minimalist in my writing bc I feel like that's a flaw I need to work on 3) there are a lot of peeking petunias on here that check on me and what's happening in my life creepily even though I don't want anyone I've cut from my life being updated on how well/shit I'm doing I might turn this blog into something someday who knows

[word--barf]

Today at work I was on bar and my boss was doing something behind me and then some guy came up to the counter and I thought he was saying hi to me but he was actually talking to my boss and right in front of me he was like "I LOVE this girl!" In a way that made me feel objectified by the colour of my hair and after a while of being ignored and talked about like an object that couldn't respond I just thought "im gonna smash your face in if you don't leave right now :))))))"

[word--barf]

Im so full of feminist rage tonight im on a fucking roll

[word--barf]

Wearing a skirt today was a bad idea I mean it looked really hot out but in actuality the air and wind were fucking freezing thanks edmonton always keeping it real with ur deception

[word--barf]

i want to wear a dress today mostly bc im sick of wearing pants tbh

[word--barf]

i was buying milo greene tickets and ticketfly was like “more shows u might want to attend” so i scrolled through and I was like “THE MAINE IS COMING HERE??? WHAT THE FUCK” but then i clicked it and it was like “vancouver at the rio theatre lol” fuck you ticketfly

[word--barf]

prairiewolf said: I WOULD GO TO SHOWS IF THEY WERE CHEAPER AND NOT ON WORK NIGHTS LMAO

I KNOW U WOULD :(:(:(

[word--barf]

tbh I really want a friend to go to all kinds of concerts with like my friends in vancouver literally go to as many shows as they can like they will hear one song and be like “yo they’re doing a show next week lets go” and i want someone like that here

[word--barf]

I wrote a prose piece but I feel like it goes too deep and too obviously metaphorical and I hate myself for writing it

[word--barf]

i jSUST BOUGHT MY ALT-J TICKETS IM FUCKING DYIN G

[word--barf]

looking at old photos from past sonic boom and crying and hitting myself bc fUN. PLAYED AND IF I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM SOONER I COULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN THEM AND SEEN JACK WEARING THAT FUCKING CANADA HOODIE AND NATE AND HIS NO SOCKS WAYS IM SO PISSED OFF

[word--barf]

I still can’t believe alt-j is coming here Jesus Christ Like when they were like “North American tour dates released!!!” I automatically assumed it would be vancouver and Toronto as always so I didn’t check right away bUT BOY WAS I WRONG

[word--barf]

This weeks episode of better call Saul more like I WAS ROOTING FOR U CHUCK WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR U AND U LET US DOWN

[word--barf]

IM LITERALLY GONNA SHOW UP AT THE VENUE AT 6AM FUCKING FIGHT ME I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE THEM LIVE FOR SO LONG NOW I NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME IM IN TEARS