Dear readers. In today's episode, we see two innocent people doing what they've done best in recent years: trying to convince the press that if anyone happens to think they're a couple in real life, it's all merely a figment of that person's imagination and they never contributed to that.
It's a good thing screenshots exist and are forever, because I'm sure you all have screenshots of moments when our lead actors were openly flirting on Twitter.
But if they want advice on how to act with their future co-stars so that no one ships them, here are some tips:
Never say with complete conviction and certainty that you know what time your co-star wakes up. Because there's only one way to be absolutely sure of that, and you know what it is.
Don't make double entendre jokes, such as saying you ate your co-star's pie or commenting on the size of a particular part of your male co-star's body.
If you have someone special in your life, never say that your co-star is your number one. That's disrespectful to the person in your life.
Don't publicly comment on social media about what you do in private. Nobody needs to know where you had a picnic or try to interpret your inside jokes.
Treat your loved ones in public as people you truly love, not as someone who has the mumps and you have to run away to avoid getting infected.
Never, under any circumstances, say that you and your co-star shower together. And if your co-star does say that, don't confirm it!
Don't tell another actor to keep their hands off your co-star.
Don't say that being away from your co-star for weeks is like having a death in the family. That's something only a lovesick, emo teenager would say.
When you're with your co-star at events, don't act like you're in a bubble, and especially don't wipe the dirt off your co-star's face using your saliva.
Don't say your co-star is your toyboy. If the question is about the character, answer using the character's name, not your own.
And if you're really not in a romantic relationship with your co-star, don't obsess over what people think. If nothing's happening, it means you don't need to prove anything to anyone.
If there's another pandemic and you're pregnant and filming, avoid doing intimate scenes with your co-star. How many tests give false results? Ask for a body double; it's not that uncommon, and you don't need to publicly demonstrate all that trust and intimacy with someone who doesn't even live with you.
Now, dear readers, what other suggestions would you give so that these poor, innocent souls are no longer victims of such a misunderstanding?
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