I decided I’d write something that broke every one of his rules.
…
It was raining. The tops of the buildings were lost in a fog of falling drops. The light was scattered in their many prisms. The streets were mirrored with liquid surfaces. Cars planed by with a tearing sound, followed by splashing. The splashing continued in the gutters. At intersections the gutters gurgled into sewers. When you passed you could hear the muffled rattle of an underground waterfall.
Before our story begins, you must understand that John’s father was born here, but his father’s father was born in Poland, in the endless grasslands under the sun that were so tempting to the German Army. Janusz, plagued by a premonition, gathered his family, begged borrowed and stole passage out of the country, and stepped out weeks later onto the shaggy, mossy docks of New York, blinking in the smoky sun, wondering what demon had possessed him to engage in such precipitous behavior. And then not three days later, picked up the newspaper and saw the gigantic three-letter headline. But all this happened long before our story begins, and may not even be relevant.
“Taxi!” John warbled, stepping out from under the awning of his apartment.
“Where to, Mac?” cawed the cab driver as John entered the cab.
“Just drive,” John mumbled.
“Need a destination, chief,” mused the cab driver.
“Uptown,” John wavered.
“That’s not–”
“Freakin’ drive!” John barked.
The cab driver smiled and put the car into gear. “Tough day, boss?” he said compassionately.
“It’s…” John said querulously, then stopped. Did he want to pour out his woes to this man of a thousand epithets? “Please just drive,” John said morosely.
“Fine, fine, you bet, Ace,” the cab driver said sanguinely.
Suddenly, the cab skidded to a stop! He had almost hit an old lady! The old lady shouted curses at them! John stared at the apparition in shock and fear! Then the cab drove on!
John turned and stared at her as he went by. She’d been German, this lady, and her invective was difficult to parse. “Vot you doing bastids? You zons of muzzafugging cocktease–” (yes, phonetically that’s all he could come up with) “–azzholes get off my vace zunsabitchess!” It was an imaginative and perhaps insane recital on her part. One wondered if there were groceries in that cart or belongings. John guessed groceries but they were too far away now to be sure.
John had an egg-shaped face, with a flatted and cleft chin, somewhat like Niles in Frasier. His hair was a wispy, waspy, color and cut, so brown as to be black, but instead shaded to an almost non-color that helped hide him in the shadows. His eyes were limpid pools of seafoam green that reflected the bright sunshine of a May day and swallowed, like the tumultuous and foamy sea of a Breton storm, the scant light of a blustery afternoon – now they were peeholes in the snow, and beneath them sagged bags of weariness or care, or both mingled. His ears lay flat against his head, unobtrusive, and slipped behind his hair slightly as if considering whether or not to hide there permanently. His face was blemishless, without scar or freckle, though it was seamed with encroaching age and concern. His forehead, formerly unlined, was beginning to resemble a washboard. His stomach, once a washboard, was beginning to resemble something else. All these things gnawed at him, and made him worry even more, and the decision to turn metro and start using creams and powders and ointments had begin to occupy a larger and larger part of his waking consciousness.
He thought again of the old lady, and wondered what her situation was. What drove her outside in the pouring rain like this. Well, steady rain, pissing down really, not pouring. The streets were not rivers, after all. He tried to recall if she had an umbrella or not. He thought not. She did have an oilskin, battered and paintsplattered. Perhaps she was a famous artist in decline, squatting in a heatless walkup nearby, having snuck out under cover of the inclement weather to re-provision for the next week or so, with her cart of groceries in bulk, staples in bulk, and of course her girdles crammed with additional bonus items her nimble bony fingers, still so adept with a brush because of her regular exercise shoplifting, had liberated from the bodega’s shelves. He wondered if she was a Nazi, that German old lady, and if she had seen his face, and if so, if he had made her list. Being a painter, she probably had a photographic memory and was probably even now rendering him in oils, having rapidly charcoaled in the broad strokes, and with a hunk of sausage in her mouth, which was one of the purloined things the old bag had secreted in her undergarments. She was even now painting in the colors of his face, working in the glow of a bare bulb running on power illegally jacked, while rain trickled in through the cracks of her head and in the next apartment the laugh and smack of methheads in congress sounded periodically, like some sort of non-rhythmic sporting event that featured plastic bags of meat and bats something like cricket bats but slightly larger. Pizza paddles. They could be like big flat pizza–
“This uptown enough for you?” the cabbie queried insolently, pulling up to the curb just past 35th St.
John shrugged and threw a bunch of bills at the cabbie.
“Big tippa,” the cabbie said appreciatively, ingenuously, as John got out. He snapped off the roof sign. Time to go get warm.