I straight up am done and have no motivation to live anymore. How often I've considered taking myself to the pits of Tartarus these past year are countless and I feel like it's all I deserve

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@words-help-me
I straight up am done and have no motivation to live anymore. How often I've considered taking myself to the pits of Tartarus these past year are countless and I feel like it's all I deserve
I feel an endless tire, a systematic movement that keeps me from my desires, desperate actions to feel something anew
25-06-21 - from the closed vault
My heart did a jump the first time that we met
We both loved a band, that made me feel content
And I can't help but feel, this way everyday
And I can't hold the smile every time that you laugh
I just want to kiss you every time that you smirk
And I hate that I'll never tell how I feel
I wish I could wake to you every day of the week
It makes me feel sad when I see another lover
But it's all on me for not speaking my mind
Maybe I should grow up and get me a spine
And then I'd wake with less pain on my mind
But alas I just feel weak, to the situations I'm in
Maybe I'll leave, it'd hurt to never speak
Perhaps I'll find happiness, long far from here?
22-09-21 - From the Vaults
The sun hurts my face more than snowflakes on my cheeks.
No shadows cast nor shade to hide in, tears they dry whilst eyes dye red.
It's hard to hide the hurt when there's no fog, and it's hard to escape the dread when there's no showers.
Can't hide the tears of years gone by when it's sunny outside, bring back the clouds let us cry together.
12-06-22 from the vaults
Direct me to a field
Filled with nothing but grass
Each blade a different life that I could have
Tell me to pull one out of the ground and that is my strand
No sneak peak, second picks or hints at my fate
And I'd set that field alight than risk a life without you
A sad 20 year old boy - 7-8-19 from the vaults
I'm just a broken human
I'm a shell of a person
I can't be bothered
And I don't care
It's all bullshit
Dead yet?
I wish.
"i wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time."
The Bristol commute - 29-07-22 from the vaults
Saturday night,
Back of the train
Empty carriage
The rest are booming
And the bad thoughts start looming
My eyes aren't dry
I can't help but to cry
The feeling of dying
Keeps coming back and prying
And to be honest I'd be lying
If I said I'm still trying
My future seems to be fleeting
And everything I touch keeps leaving
I can't be arsed with pretending
That I have a reason to keep living
j'aimerais pouvoir raconter une histoire de moi et de toi
I just want to know things that are going to hurt me
I just wanna sleep forever bro
I wanna be able to put my thoughts n feelings into words rather than just feeling stuck in this weird purgatory state where I don't know if I'm anxious, angry or just wanting to fucking die. Maybe I'm just back to feeling really fucking lonely and I don't know how to cope with it anymore. I just wanna sleep for a month and not have to deal with my shit
To be forgiving and understanding sounds like it would be more blissful than the angry and resentful person I've become :/
It'd be easier to be less angry but idk really
Sylvia Plath
Honestly I just feel lost and lonely
I just hate living a life that feels mundane and pointless