words-that-made-me-fall

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[words-that-made-me-fall]

“The Cycle” (formerly “Echoes”): Chapter 3 - Plans

Frank and Alvin discuss next steps

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Chapter 2 of “The Cycle” formerly named “Echoes”: Acceptance

Alvin wakes up!

This story is getting longer than I had planned.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Echoes

“I need your help.”

Frank stayed silent on the other end. No doubt Antonio’s former leader had already come up with a dozen reasons why he shouldn’t help with whatever problem Antonio was facing, but Antonio couldn’t let him refuse. He considered his next words as he watched the patrol car transporting Alvin Olinsky disappear in the distance.

“Please Frank, a good man is in trouble. I don’t know what to do.”

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~••~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Chicago PD - Alvin Olinsky fix-it fic!!!!

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Risking Stars

Hanktonio (Hank Voight/Antonio Dawson) established relationship, multi-chapter (#risking stars)

Summary: His heart was pounding in his ears, the frigid air stinging his face. He was shaking, whether it was the cold, the adrenaline or the fear, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about any of that right now though. The only thing he cared about was finding Antonio. *~*~*~*~* Hank Voight has absolute confidence in his team’s abilities. However, some things were not within their power to control, and that could mean life or death for any of them.

Warnings: Non-consensual drug use, some violence, a bad word here and there, PTSD

Inspired by, and for @hardcore-flower!

(chapters one & two)

Epilogue 

**New warning added (PTSD), be aware**

Open your eyes. Come on. Please.

Leaning down, he gives Antonio another breath, and brings a hand up to his partner’s cheek as he pulls away.

His fingers travel down to the pulse point on his neck, and as they linger, he chokes on his own breath.

Nothing.

No beat, no flutter, no pulse.

Don’t do this, please.

His hands go to Antonio’s chest, fingers interlace, and he starts compressions.

He feels the panic mounting as he reaches the end of the first set and ducks down quickly to once again help push air into his lungs.

When there is no response and he starts the next set, he feels his heart trying to pound out of his chest, his breath is coming out in gasps.

No no no…

He gasped awake, eyes flying open. He laid still, trying to catch his breath, eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness, and brought a shaking hand up to his chest.

When his heart stopped hammering, and he could control his breath, he became aware of a chill on his left, and looked to the other side of the bed. He felt panic trying to reignite when he saw that the space was empty.

Forcing himself to stay calm, he moved to get out of bed and walk to the stairs.

He saw a dim light filtering out from the kitchen, and took a breath, making his way over. What he saw inside hit him with a pang of sadness.

Antonio looked exhausted. He was slumped over the table, his head in his hand and his eyes covered. A glass of water sat in front of him, still full.

“Antonio” He called quietly so as not to startle the man.

Yet, he still jumped a bit, looking over to Hank quickly at his name.

“Are you okay?”

The way Antonio looked down at the question pretty much answered for him. So, with a quiet sigh, Hank walked over to the table, pulling a chair a little closer to Antonio’s, without crowding him.

When he sat down, laid a hand over his - they were cold, - and there was still no response, Hank tried again, “Did you get any sleep?”

Antonio shrugged, and Hank was at a loss. He wanted to help, but where to start?

“Talk to me, please?”

Still the other man stayed quiet, this time, dropping his head down to the table, hiding his mouth behind his crossed arm.

Hank waited, rubbing small circles into Antonio’s hand.

With a sniff, Antonio finally spoke after a few moments, his voice barely a whisper, “I can’t,” he blew out a breath, “When I start to drift off… I panic. And then, I can’t move, and it’s like a weight is sitting there, right on my chest, and I can’t breathe.”

His voice broke at that last part, and so did Hank’s heart. Not only that, but so did the dam keeping back his anger - at himself, at the men responsible for making Antonio feel this way, at this whole situation.

He reigned in that anger though, and focused on the man he loved who was hurting.

He pulled himself closer to Antonio, and Antonio leaned right into him. Hank wrapped his arms around him, pressing his lips to Antonio’s head as he rested against Hank’s shoulder.

Inside, Hank was berating himself for not seeing it. Even if he had been busy the past three days with wrapping up the case and the investigation with Internal Affairs, he should have seen that Antonio wasn’t sleeping these past two nights. Not to mention that first restless night when he had gotten him back.

Antonio had told him he didn’t clearly remember that night. The time from Cuenca dragging him to the lake until Hank had come home with bruised knuckles - and still some after -  was veiled in a heavy fog to him, with only a flash of something here and there. But Hank should have known that even though Antonio couldn’t remember everything, it was possible he’d still feel the effects of what he’d gone through.

“God, I’m sorry,” Antonio croaked, wiping his face, and that tore Hank up inside.

“Hey, no,” he soothed, placing his hand on Antonio’s cheek to turn his face to his own, “don't do that. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said the words firmly, while trying to be as gentle as possible.

He held Antonio’s gaze in his, until, finally, Antonio nodded. Hank pulled him in for a hug, as he thought about his next words.

“Listen,” he began, pulling back and stroking Antonio’s cheek, “I want you to consider talking to someone. Dr. Charles,” he added, remembering how the man had helped Erin through her rough patch years ago. They could trust him.

To Hank’s concern, Antonio dropped his eyes and turned his head away.

“Antonio?”

“I’m sorry I let this happen again.”

He was actually taken aback for a second, and tried to backtrack quickly, and figure out what had just happened.

‘Again’? What…

‘I’m sorry. They made me. I didn’t want to.’

Hank’s eyes widened. If Antonio also remembered when Erin had begun meeting with the psychiatrist, he may believe Hank thought of Dr. Charles for exactly the wrong reason.

“No,” he jumped in quickly, hoping to put a stop whatever the man was thinking, “Antonio, look at me, please,” he requested, taking his hand, “this is not the same. You had no control over this, okay?” Please look at me.

As if hearing Hank’s silent plea, Antonio did look at him.

“I just want you to talk to him so you can rest, alright?”

At Antonio’s short nod, he gave him a smile and pulled him in for a kiss, “I love you.”

Antonio’s small answering smile, and “I love you, too,” made his heart swell and true peace wash through him for the first time that night.

*~*~*~*~*

“So what should I call you?”

Antonio squirmed a bit in his seat, his gaze flickering away guiltily, “Antonio.”

Santos nodded, looking consideringly at Antonio in silence for a few moments, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

At this Antonio smiled softly, “Thanks to you.” He was glad that it was one of the things he could remember, that Santos helped him, even though Cuenca had been there, even though Antonio had lied.

Santos’ face fell and he swallowed hard, “None of that should have happened. Enrique shouldn’t have done that. I never should have let myself be involved in that.”

“No. You’re right,” Antonio agreed, “But in the end, you did what was right. If it wasn’t for your help, I’d be dead in the dirt, leaving behind my loved ones.

He waited until Santos met his eyes before adding, “I won’t forget that.

“I’ll put in a good word for you with the State’s Attorney, do whatever I can to make sure you’re taken care of.”

Antonio smiled at Santos’ surprised stare. He meant it all. Not to mention, he remembered Santos telling him about his family: the reason he worked in Cuenca’s ripping crew.

“Thank you,” Santos managed quietly.

“Also, if your daughter and grandson need anything, you let her know they can come to me, okay?”

Antonio made to get up, but Santos’ spoke again, “I can’t do that.”

Confused, Antonio waited for him to elaborate.

“She came to see me. She was angry, said she wanted nothing to do with me, with a criminal,” Santos shook his head, “I did it all for them, but now I’ve just become another person who’s left her.”

“I’m sorry,” Antonio told him, sadly, “Maybe, one day, she’ll come around,” he suggested. It may not have been his place, he didn’t know his daughter, but he couldn’t stand to see this man, a fellow father, hurting like this. And for doing something immoral, for his child. He could relate after all.

Santos shrugged, “Maybe,” Hopefully.

Antonio gave him a nod and got up to knock on the door, to let the guard know he was ready to go.

“Antonio,” Santos called shakily, as the door opened, “be there for the ones you love. That’s what matters.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Sergeant Voight.”

Hank’s blood boiled in his veins. He wanted to smack that stupid grin off the man’s face. How he could sit there, after everything he’d done, and laugh…

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

He glared, “Detective Medrana’s body was recovered yesterday.”

Montgomery’s face turned cold and he leaned back into his chair.

“He was executed and dumped in the river.”

The other sergeant - former sergeant - stayed silent, his face blank.

“Really?” Hank asked in disbelief, “Nothing?” He leaned forward, “A man in your unit was killed, his family lost a father, because you wanted a payday.

“As if that wasn’t enough,” Hank continued, voice rising, “you sold out my guy and almost cost him his life, too! You betrayed all of us, and what we stand for.”

The other man finally broke, “Who are you to lecture me? The great Hank Voight,” he sneered. “As if you’ve never gotten your hands dirty, been in bed with the scum of Chicago. We all know who you are.

“Twenty-eight years,” Montgomery shook his head, “Twenty-eight years, I served this city, tried to make the world a better place. But it just got worse. Not just out there, but in the very place we pinned badges to our chest and swore an oath to serve mankind. My job cost me everything, and I was left with nothing. It’s all for nothing. So why not take something for myself for once.”

Hank stared at him in disbelief, “No. You think you’re the first cop who’s ever had doubts about the work we do; to lose your way? You think you’re the only one who has lost everything on the job? You’re not special, Montgomery. Nothing in this world is worth killing and betraying your own - others who felt just as lost as you, but kept fighting.”

Montgomery’s furious expression was still on his face, but what truly disturbed Hank was the absence of any remorse. The man was beyond redemption.

Shaking his head, Hank pushed up from his seat and went to bang on the door, “We’re done here.”

He turned back to Montgomery one last time, “You’re going to rot here, in this prison. I’m gonna make sure of that.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Hey,” Antonio greeted, as he turned around to close the front door. While he turned to hang up his jacket, he realized Hank hadn’t said anything.

“Hank?” He asked, walking into the living room. The man in question was sitting on the couch, eyes on the bottle of beer he was twisting around on his knee. Antonio sat next to him, his side pressed against the back of the couch to face him fully, “Is everything okay?”

With a sigh, Hank finally spoke, “I went to see Montgomery.”

Concern filled Antonio at the thought of Hank having to face that low-life again, “What did he want?”

He was confused when Hank shook his head, “No, I wanted to talk to him.”

Oh, that honestly surprised him, and he didn’t know what to say for a moment. “How did it go?” He wanted to smack himself the moment the question left his mouth. His partner’s behavior already told him it likely hadn’t gone well.

But, why had he gone? When there was no response, he decided to go in a different direction, “Did you find what you were looking for?”

At that, Hank shook his head.

Antonio sighed, “I’m sorry,” he told him, sincerely, nudging Hank’s fingers lightly with his own.

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” Hank sighed, “I’ll never forgive him for,” he trailed off and looked over to him, “He doesn’t feel sorry for what he did. He doesn’t deserve any sympathy.”

Antonio nodded, trying to catch up, “What’s really bothering you?”

Hank took a moment, then he asked, still deep in thought, “How does that happen? Everytime I see it, there’s always a small part of me that wonders, what separates me from them?”

So much separated Hank from someone like Montgomery, Antonio didn’t know where to begin.

“We both know how easily everything can spiral out of control,” He started slowly, “But I think, at least for me, we remember why we do it and who we do it all for: family, the people of Chicago, someone we love. Or we need a kick in the ass back in the right direction,” he added with a shrug, because it was true.

“You,” he continued, laying a hand atop Hank’s, “are a good man. You give your heart and soul to the job. You never lose sight of what’s important. And I love you, for that and so much more.”

Smiling, Antonio lifted Hank’s hand to place a kiss, then pushed himself up off the couch, “I’m gonna get started on some dinner.”

“Hey.”

He turned back at Hank’s call, curious.

Hank got up and stood right in front of him, taking holding his face in his hands, “Thank you, for always bringing me back. I love you.” And with that, Hank pulled him in for a kiss.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Risking Stars

Hanktonio (Hank Voight/Antonio Dawson) established relationship, multi-chapter (#risking stars)

Summary: His heart was pounding in his ears, the frigid air stinging his face. He was shaking, whether it was the cold, the adrenaline or the fear, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about any of that right now though. The only thing he cared about was finding Antonio. *~*~*~*~* Hank Voight has absolute confidence in his team’s abilities. However, some things were not within their power to control, and that could mean life or death for any of them.

Warnings: Non-consensual drug use, some violence, a bad word here and there

Inspired by, and for @hardcore-flower!

(chapter one HERE) 

Chapter two: Antonio

“You want to get out of here? Introduce me to Enrique Cuenca.”

Broyles looked at him in disbelief, eyes flitting over to Hank’s, who met his eyes squarely, “Really? That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Tomas.”

Antonio pushed off the wall he was leaning against at Santos’ approach.

“Boss wants us to dump the truck,” Santos tossed a bag to him and continued walking without waiting for a response or for Antonio to follow.

They loaded the truck and car and drove out separately. The silence they had been in lasted through torching the truck and a few minutes into their drive back. Out of the four guys in Cuenca’s crew, Antonio preferred Santos’ company to the others’ so far. He was older, laid back, didn’t ask too many questions and kept to himself for the most part. While he wasn’t immediately extending a hand in friendship, at least he wasn’t an outright dick.

“You got family, Tomas?”

Antonio looked over at Santos, who didn’t take his eyes off the road in front of him, “A son.”

“Mom’s not in the picture?”

“We separated a few years back.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“Was for the best, really.”

“So you’re doing this for your son?”

“Yeah,” Antonio answered, wondering where the other man was going with this, “He’s the best thing I’ve got going on in my life right now.”

“I have a daughter. Her husband died, left behind her and their newborn son,” Antonio’s heart broke for Santos and his family. This man was trying to help his family. And this was always the hardest part about working undercover, “I do it for them.”

It sounded like Santos was trying to remind himself more than he was trying to tell Antonio.

When they got back, an angry Cuenca stormed off to his car, phone in his hand, muttering something under his breath.

“What’s up with him,” Antonio wondered aloud.

“How about you leave him to his business,” Santos snapped.

Antonio looked over at the man, but his eyes were still locked on where Cuenca had disappeared. He seemed troubled by their boss’ behavior too, though.

Santos caught Antonio watching him and shook his head with a muttered, “Your guess is as good as mine, anyway.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Something’s got him on edge,” Antonio explained to his three superior officers, “He’s constantly checking his phone, he’s second-guessing his decisions, snapping at his guys.”

“Anything on Medrana?”

Antonio shook his head, gravely, “Haven’t seen him or heard of him. There’s a guy in the crew - Santos - I think I could get him to talk to me, find out what might be going on and what happened to Medrana.”

“They planning anything soon?”

“Yeah,” Antonio thought he caught a flash of annoyance on Sergeant Montgomery’s face - it wasn’t Antonio’s fault he was doing the man’s job for him - as he answered Lt. Beck, “They’re meeting a buyer tomorrow night at Rickman’s Auto. Supposed to unload a few kilos of H.”

“We could bring them in,” his own sergeant suggested, “lean on them.”

As they waited for Lt. Beck to make a choice, Antonio noticed Montgomery rolling back and forth on his feet, cold maybe, or impatient, or both.

“We’ll take ‘em at the buy,” Beck decided. He looked at Antonio, “If you can, try to find out what happened to Medrana.”

He would, because something told him that they may not be able to force the answers from Cuenca and his crew.

He and Hank stayed back while Lt. Beck and Sgt. Montgomery left. When they were alone, Antonio leaned back against the railing and brought his hands up to blow warm air against his fingers. Hank stepped closer and reached up to cover Antonio’s hands with his own gloved ones.

“Sorry, I forgot to bring them.”

Antonio chuckled, bringing his hands down and turning them to grasp Hank’s, “It’s fine.”

Hank squeezed his hands lightly, “Are you okay?”

Antonio let out a sharp breath, “Yeah, I’m good. But the sooner we get this over with, the better,” Hank’s concerned gaze made him want to brush off his own unease, but he wasn’t going to lie to his partner, “Cuenca makes me nervous. He’s too unpredictable. His crew is feeling it, too.”

Hank studied him closely before he spoke, quietly, “You don’t have to do this. We can find another way.”

“No, I can do this.”

The older man shook his head, smiling, “I know you can. I’m saying you don’t have to.”

And that was the greatest reassurance, knowing this man had no doubts in his capabilities and would always have his back.

“We’re close. I just have to wait him out until tomorrow.”

Hank nodded, easily accepting his answer. And the confidence Hank held for him, shown plainly on his face, made him love the man even more.

“I should go,” Antonio sighed. He didn’t make any move to leave though, betraying how much he’d rather stay here, with Hank.

He brought a hand up to cover Hank’s, which was now resting against his neck.

“Be careful.”

“I will.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Forget it, the buy is cancelled.”

Antonio looked up as Cuenca walked into the room. He was stuffing his phone into his pocket and he looked angry.

Internally, he cursed. Intelligence was waiting to grab them at that buy.

“Boss, what’s going on?” one of the guys, V, asked,

Cuenca didn’t answer, instead he ordered, “Find Jamie. I want to talk to him. Now.”

He left without another word, his crew looking at each other in confusion.

“Well, you heard the man,” Pama shrugged, pulling out his phone and dialling Jamie.

When there was no answer on the third call, Pama sighed, “He’s probably tweaking, passed out in his favorite spot.”

“I’ll get him. Nick,” Santos nodded at Antonio, “you’re with me.”

They were driving when Antonio finally asked, “Is he always like this?”

Santos let out a long breath, “No. He’s only been like this since…” he paused as if considering whether or not he should be saying this, but continued, “since Fabella, the guy who’s spot you filled.”

Medrana. Antonio’s heart pumped faster when he realized he could finally figure out what happened to his fellow detective. “What happened to him?”

Santos must have been really bothered, because he just came out with it, “All I know is Enrique comes back from somewhere, and he’s furious. He pulls Fabella out, saying he needed his help, has something for him to take care of. Then, Enrique comes back, and Fabella never did.”

“Did he kill him?” Antonio asks quietly.

“I don’t know.”

They find Jamie at the lake, and bring him back to Cuenca. Antonio has a bad feeling about it all, but his presence is demanded elsewhere, and by the time he’s back, Jamie and Cuenca are gone again.

*~*~*~*~*

The day after Jamie’s death, Antonio’s terribly on edge. He’s hoping he’s not too obvious about it. Cuenca’s been out all morning, and none of the guys know what’s going on either.

Antonio’s phone sits like a two-ton weight in his pocket. He just needs to let Hank know when Cuenca arrives and they can make their move. But the man isn’t here.

They’re scattered around, doing their own things, when Cuenca bursts through the door, and he is livid.

“Boss?” V calls, alarmed. And he’s not the only one. Everyone is shocked by his abrupt behavior, Antonio more so when he realizes Cuenca is headed straight for him.

So he doesn’t have time to react to the punch thrown at his face.

He can feel the skin of his cheek split with the hit, and then he’s on the ground. The guys are frozen in their spots as Cuenca searches his pockets and grabs his phone, only to smash it under his boot. He pats him down, and when he’s satisfied Antonio doesn’t have anything else on him, pulls him off the ground by his collar just to punch him in the face again.

“Police scum!” the man yells furiously, punctuating each word with a kick to Antonio’s midsection.

He can’t hear anything over his own gasps for breath, but he’s pulled to his feet, and then he’s deposited in the corner, and tied to a pipe, his mouth covered with a strip of duct tape.

Dammit. Dammit.

*~*~*~*~*

As it got dark out, Santos and Pama marched him to the car behind Cuenca, and they drove to a familiar construction lot. He’s dragged past the Crime Scene tape, and to the edge of the lot, where they finally stop.

Cuenca’s back is turned when he feels two small items dropped into his pocket on his right side. He looked over, and Santos gave him a small nod, his face determined. When Cuenca turned around, Antonio noted the gloves as he threw a pair of zip ties to Pama.

“Re-tie his hands behind his back.”

The order is barely finished when he is kicked in the back of the knees, and he drops to the ground.

His hands are freed, only to be forced behind his back and tied up again.

Cuenca reached into his pocket, and Antonio’s eyes widened at the sight of a small syringe.

He motioned for Pama and Santos to leave, and they did, Santos hesitating a split-second.

“Police,” Cuenca spat, uncapping the needle, “Well, your death will look no more noble than those you stuff into cages.”

Fear tore at his insides as Cuenca grabbed his hair. He fought his grip hard, but it was useless, as Cuenca easily jabbed the needle into his shoulder and pushed the liquid out of the syringe.

His head wrenched forward, Antonio was blindsided by the knee that collided with his head, and collapsed to the ground, stunned. Cuenca dropped the needle to the ground, and walked away.

He tried hard to get his bearings, but he was seeing stars.

When he was finally able to think, he felt the panic coming back full force. Knowing he had to keep calm and call for help, he took a few steadying breaths, then rolled to his side, moving his hands to his pocket and trying to slide the items out.  

With some difficulty, he slipped what turned out to be his knife and a cell phone out of his pocket. He exposed the blade and started cutting at the zip ties. It was while he was doing so, however, that he started to feel it. It was like a cord snapped, leaving him floating in a vacuum. The ache in his ribs, in his head disappeared. A wave of calm washed over him, his hands slipping, and as he tried to keep his head on task he could feel the knife slip a few times and slide against his wrists.

When the ties snapped off, and he reached for the phone, his limbs were starting to get heavy. He struggled to keep his eyes open as he typed out the numbers and called.

Hank’s voice.

His chest felt heavy, and he rolled to his back, eyes taking in the dark sky above him.

The stars above him were comforting, a beauty, like Jamie said. No wonder Jamie liked it out here.

*~*~*~*~*

He was so tired, but he forced himself to open his eyes. He was pulled against something, someone, warm and solid. Alarm rang dully in his head, until he recognized the voice in his ear.

“Hank?” What was going on? His partner sounded distressed. Where were they? It was pitch dark.

“Yeah, I’m here.” He couldn’t keep up with what was going on. He couldn’t even catch up.

He could feel himself shaking. His joints were stiff, made more apparent when he was pulled to his feet, and could barely stand on his own two legs.

Stumbling along as Hank led him to the car, he was glad when he finally leaned into the seat, exhaustion hitting him.

The warm air felt good, so he leaned into its path, and everything faded away, until Hank leaned him back against the chair, and a few seconds later, pulled him out of the car and then helped him lay couch.

*~*~*~*~*

“Oh god. Antonio?” Kim’s scared face was above his. She turned around quickly and he heard her place something light on the table.

The fog in his mind was hard to fight through. Where was he?

He tried to move, but he was forced to stop when his muscles protested, painfully. The movement also brought a pounding in his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain.

“Can you drink this?”

Opening his eyes a bit, he saw the cup in Kim’s hand, a straw poking out in his direction. And, his dry throat and thirst made itself apparent then.

She helped him drink and let him settle back against the pillow. He closed his eyes, and tried to relax past the ache in his bones.

Sometime later, he didn’t know how long, he heard Hank’s voice again.

Cracking open his eyes, he looked around the dark room, but didn’t see anyone.

A few words were slipping through, “overdosed, hospital, Montgomery, Internal Affairs…”

Then he heard the door open and close, and Hank sigh as he walked into the living room. He followed the other man’s progress as he started to clean up the first aid kit on the coffee table. When the other man paused and picked up a familiar white spray, Antonio was alarmed to see Hank’s knuckles were bruised and discolored.

“Hey,” he wasn’t even sure he’d actually spoken aloud, but Hank turned, his eyes softening as he smiled.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Hank put the tube down and squatted down close to Antonio’s head.

He let out a sigh as Hank ran a hand through his hair, feeling his headache melt away a bit at the touch. His eyes fell closed at the light kiss Hank pressed to his lips.

“How’re you feeling?” the older man murmured, resting his fingers against Antonio’s cheek.  

“Tired,” he breathed, “achy.”

Remembering the bruised knuckles, he reached a hand up to Hank’s and pulled it down to look, “What happened?” He already had an idea though.

Hank stayed silent, teeth grinding and eyes flashing in anger, before he closed his eyes to take a steadying breath.

Antonio swept his lips over the joints and dropped his hand only to reach up and put a hand to Hank’s cheek. To his surprise, when Hank opened his eyes, there were tears threatening to fall. His chest tightened at the sight, and acted on instinct. Lightly, he tugged Hank forward, pushing up to his elbow despite his protesting muscles, to rest his forehead against his.

“It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Hank nodded shakily, wrapping his arms around Antonio firmly and resting his head against the crook of his neck.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Risking Stars

Hanktonio (Hank Voight/Antonio Dawson) established relationship, multi-chapter (#risking stars) 

Summary: His heart was pounding in his ears, the frigid air stinging his face. He was shaking, whether it was the cold, the adrenaline or the fear, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about any of that right now though. The only thing he cared about was finding Antonio.  *~*~*~*~* Hank Voight has absolute confidence in his team’s abilities. However, some things were not within their power to control, and that could mean life or death for any of them.

Warnings: Non-consensual drug use, some violence, a bad word here and there

Inspired by, and for @hardcore-flower!

Chapter one: Hank

“I’m sorry. They made me. I didn’t want to.” 

“I know. I know. Just stay with me, alright? I need you to tell me where you are,” He turned and ran back to his car, bringing his radio up, “Halstead, take care of things here. I’ll see you back at the district.”

“Sarge?”

“Do it,” he snapped, throwing the radio down on the seat and firing up the engine, but he had no idea where to go, “Antonio, I need you to tell me where you are.”

“He wasn’t crazy. The edge of the world. That’s what he called it, right? Sounded stupid.”

Dammit, Hank thought, desperation seizing him, I’m losing him, “Listen to me, okay? Can you hear me? I need you to tell me where you are. What do you see?”

“Like you could... fall right off the Earth... lay in stars…”

The growing slur in his words had Hank’s fingers tightening around his phone. He’s delirious. There was no way he’d find-

His breath caught in his throat as the words jarred something in his memory. Fighting through the panicked haze in his mind, he searched frantically for the answer. Where had he heard those exact words recently?

*~*~*~*~*

“Is he coming off something?”

“He is,” Antonio sighed as they watched their disheveled informant currently occupying the cage mutter a constant stream of words under his breath.

“What is he saying,” Hank asked his partner who had been the one watching and waiting for him to wake up.

“It’s nonsense. He keeps repeating ‘lay in the stars,’ ‘fall off the earth’ and asking us to take him back, ‘I want to go back,’” the detective crossed his arms and shrugged.

“Where did they find him?”

“Wandering Lakefront Trail in Oakland.”

*~*~*~*~*

“It’s him.”

“He was killed?” Hank squinted trying to see past the blaring cruiser lights.

Atwater led him past the patrol officers to a sheet-covered silhouette leaning against a concrete barrier closer to a group of trees at the edge of the lot, “Looks like an overdose.”

And, yeah, that seemed apparent based on the drug paraphernalia scattered around him. Kneeling down and pulling the sheet off to look at Jamie’s face closely, Hank asked, “No signs of foul play?”

“Have to check with the ME,” Kevin pulled the sheet off Jamie’s right arm and pointed at his wrist to reveal a bruise, “there was this, but nothing obvious.”

Hank huffed out a frustrated breath. This couldn’t have been a coincidence...

“Oh, Sarge,” Atwater interrupted his thoughts, “Officers Hart and Pope were the ones who found him tonight and last week. That’s why they alerted us. Get this, the first time they found him, he was barely two miles away from here.”

So his usual haunt was around here?

Hank was on his way back to his car when his UC-designated phone started to vibrate in his pocket.

Call incoming: Frank

“What the hell happened?”

“Jamie?”

“Yeah,” Hank sighed.

“I need to talk to you.”

The tone immediately had Hank on alert, “Where are you?”

“Your 9 o’clock”

His head snapped to the left and, There. The hooded figure stood there a second longer then turned around and walked towards the group of trees.

Hanging up the phone, Hank followed.

*~*~*~*~*

The image of Jamie’s body flashed to the front of Hank’s mind. South Lakeshore, the construction lot.

His tires screeched as he sped towards the lake, “Okay. Okay, I know where you are. I’m on my way.”

He thought he could hear him mumble something over the line, but barely.

“Antonio?”

*~*~*~*~*

“When did you last hear from him?”

The other Sergeant paced to the window and turned back to them with a sigh, “He missed his check in three days ago, so the day before that.”

Lieutenant Beck considered Sergeant Montgomery for a moment before looking at Hank, “We need to get eyes back on Cuenca’s crew. Your unit worked this case before Narcotics took over.”

“That’s right.”

Narcotics had insisted strongly on taking over the case, arguing that it was related to an ongoing investigation. That obviously hadn’t gotten anywhere since, considering that was nine months ago and Cuenca’s crew was still out there.

“You have an exceptional group of undercovers who can establish themselves quickly and work the crew. So I want you to get a guy in, find Detective Medrana, and help us get Cuenca.”

It was obvious Montgomery did not want Intelligence stepping in on his case. But he’d had his chance. And orders were orders.

Voight had no doubt his unit could do it.

“We’ll get it done.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Something’s got him on edge. He’s constantly checking his phone, he’s second-guessing his decisions, snapping at his guys,” If he didn’t know his detective so well, he wouldn’t have been able to pick up the nerves past the displeasure in his voice.

“Anything on Medrana?” He hoped Antonio had a positive answer for Beck, because that meant they could make a move now.

“Haven’t seen him or heard of him,” Based on Antonio’s expression, he suspected nothing good was going to come of that. “There’s a guy in the crew – Santos – I think I could get him to talk to me, find out what might be going on and what happened to Medrana.”

“They planning anything soon?”

“Yeah. They’re meeting a buyer tomorrow night at Rickman’s Auto. Supposed to unload a few kilos of H.” Must have been drugs from the rip they pulled while Medrana was still under.

“We could bring them in. Lean on them,” Hank suggested to Beck and Montgomery, who had been quiet the whole meeting. He did look like he wanted to interject a few times, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

Beck looked to Hank, “We’ll take ‘em at the buy,” looking to Antonio, he told him, “If you can, try to find out what happened to Medrana.”

Inside, Hank protested: if they were going to drag them all in soon, he didn’t want Antonio calling unnecessary attention to himself. But it would also be easier to get the answers before they had to resort to interrogation, which could take too long.

Lt. Beck and Sgt. Montgomery left – Montgomery without a word or look at either Hank or Antonio.

Antonio put his back to the railing and brought his hands to face, blowing air into them. They were red, and Hank suddenly remembered what he had meant to grab this morning before work.

Guiltily, he took Antonio’s hands in his own and tried to help him warm them, “Sorry, I forgot to bring them.”

“It’s fine.” Antonio said with a small chuckle, lowering them and taking hold of Hank’s hands himself.

He squeezed the detective’s hands lightly; he seemed drained, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he didn’t sound like it, “But the sooner we get this over with, the better. Cuenca makes me nervous. He’s too unpredictable. His crew is feeling it, too.”

“You don’t have to do this. We can find another way.” He didn’t want Antonio to feel obligated, especially since this was a delicate situation already and Cuenca was making him feel uneasy.

“No, I can do this.”

Hank smiled; that was never in question, “I know you can. I’m saying you don’t have to.”

“We’re close. I just have to wait him out until tomorrow.”

He nodded. Antonio knew what he was doing.

“I should go,” Antonio sighed, and Hank wanted to tell him to stay a while longer. He could tell the detective wanted to leave just as much as Hank wanted him to go, which was not at all. If Antonio was here, at least Hank knew he was okay. But duty called.

He stroked Antonio’s cheek with his thumb and rested his hand against the man’s neck.

“Be careful.” Please.

“I will.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Antonio!”

He’d barely parked his car before he jumped out and ran, shining his flashlight in every direction, his phone still connected, sitting in his pocket on ‘speaker’ despite no sound coming from it for a while now.

His heart was pounding in his ears, the frigid air stinging his face. He was shaking, whether it was the cold, the adrenaline or the fear, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about any of that right now. The only thing he cared about was finding Antonio.

“Antonio!”

He ripped through the dirt-covered Crime Scene tape still strung around, running to the middle, where just a day ago, he had stood over the body of Jamie Broyles.

Where was he?

He turned to his right, and looked out into the darkness, into nothing but black. And stars.

The beam from his flashlight swept the ground as he walked away from the lights shining off the street, left and right, and-

His heart stuttered.

“Antonio!”

The scene in front of him would haunt him for a long time: Antonio laid on the ground, phone laying next to his head, still connected to his; a small, empty syringe was next to him; He had a bruised cut on his cheekbone, his eyes were closed, and he was too still.

He dropped down to his knees, hands going to Antonio’s shoulders - his arms were bare, cold - and giving him a shake, “Hey! Can you hear me?”

Putting two fingers to his neck he felt for a pulse as he lifted the detective’s eyelid. He felt the breath get knocked out of his lungs when he saw the pinpoint pupils.

His breathing was too slow.

Shit. He fished the Narcan out of his vest, rubbing Antonio’s chest, using his teeth to rip open the package.

“Come on, come on,” he muttered, putting his hand at the back of his partner’s neck to tilt his head back. He put the nozzle in Antonio’s nose and pressed the plunger. Dropping the empty spray on the ground, he rubbed his chest again.

He dropped down, pinching Antonio’s nose and pressing his mouth against his, to give him a breath.

*~*~*~*~*

“This is over. I’m pulling him out, today.”

He didn’t wait, cutting right to the chase once both men walked into the office. Lt. Beck was stunned into silence.

Meanwhile, Sgt. Montgomery’s face was blank, and he merely said, “I told you this was a waste of time. You should have let me handle it.”

This guy was really getting on his nerves; he had been less than helpful this entire operation and had a serious attitude problem. Hank had to resist the urge to give him a piece of his mind.

“First, Cuenca cancels the sale, then you find your informant dead. How do you know your guy is still on the right side?”

Silence rang through the office and Hank swore the temperature dropped as the accusation hung in the air.

“Excuse me?” He dared Montgomery to repeat that.

Lt. Beck just waved them both off, “Enough,” and turned his attention back to Hank, “What’s your plan?”

He glared at the sergeant a moment longer before turning to his superior, “Detective Dawson tells me the crew doesn’t know what happened to Medrana. The only way we’ll find him, is by bringing in Cuenca. Once I get confirmation from Detective Dawson on Cuenca’s location, we’re going to move in, round them all up.”

“Alright,” Hank didn’t miss the flash of irritation on the other sergeant’s face at Beck’s agreement.

An urgent knock sounded at the door.

“What?” Hank snapped, prompting Jay to pop his head in.

“We lost his wire.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Open your eyes, come on,” he pleaded.

After the fourth assisted breath, he pulled out another package of Narcan, holding it in his fist, praying he wouldn’t have to use it.

He willed himself to wait just a little longer, but the seconds were ticking by too slowly.

Wait, was that…

Holding his breath he watched carefully until he saw it again: Antonio sucked in a breath, and another and finally his eyes fluttered open.

“Jesus,” He quickly pulled Antonio up to a sitting position and held him, but not too tightly, too aware of how much the other man needed to breathe “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

“Hank?” he mumbled against Hank’s shoulder, dazed.

He smoothed his hand down Antonio’s hair, “Yeah. I’m here.”

He couldn’t believe it, had to hold Antonio to reassure himself that, yes, he was alive.

Noticing that Antonio was starting to shiver, he rubbed his hands down the man’s arms and back, trying to warm him.

“Come on, you’re freezing,” he pressed a kiss to the man’s temple, his heart finally calming, “We need to get to the car.”

Pulling back to look at Antonio’s face, he lifted his chin. His eyes were clear, but struggling to stay present, he was still weak, listing to the side.

Trying to keep him steady, he undid his vest and jacket, draping the latter over the other man’s shoulders. He put his vest back on and put a hand against Antonio’s cheek.

“Come on.”

He pulled Antonio to his feet, steadying him when he stumbled.

They made their way back to the car, Hank supporting Antonio’s weight more and more as they got closer.

During the drive, with the heaters all the way up, he kept looking over to Antonio, who was leaning against the window. The unopened package of Narcan sat heavily in his pocket.

When they got to Hank’s house, Antonio was too tired to make it upstairs, so Hank laid him carefully on the couch. As he was grabbing the first aid kit, his phone began to ring.

Call incoming: Kim Burgess

Right, the team.

“Yeah?”

“Sarge, are you okay?”

His sudden exit during the raid must have raised a red flag, “Yeah, I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“We have Cuenca and his crew in custody. But Sergeant, are you coming in? There’s something you should hear.”

He lowered his phone with a sigh, squatting down next to Antonio and smoothing his hair back. He was dozing, and thankfully not showing any signs of overdose again. Yet. Hank couldn’t leave him. He needed to be watched.

“Sergeant Voight?”

Making up his mind, he brought the phone back up to his ear, “Okay, but Kim, I need you to do something for me.”

“Okay. What’s going on?”

“I found Antonio. I’ll explain when you get here.”

“Where?”

“My place.”

“I’m on my way.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Where is he?”

Adam and Jay jumped to their feet at his entrance.

“Interrogation room.”

He didn’t stop to acknowledge any of his officers and turned to the hall, clenching his fists in rage as he burst into the room, making Cuenca jump.

Cuenca looked to Jay - hovering in the doorway - in alarm as Hank unlocked the handcuffs fixing him to the rail, and pulled him roughly to his feet.

He strode past Jay and Adam, who continued to follow him, ignored Hailey and Kevin watching from the end of the hall, and pushed the stumbling offender ahead of him down to the rollup.

Once they were downstairs, he grabbed the man’s shoulder, spinning him so they were face to face, and sent a right hook sailing into his jaw.

Cuenca hit the ground hard. Hank didn’t even take satisfaction from seeing the fear flash across the man’s face. He was so full of fury and hatred, he couldn’t think, couldn’t focus on anything but raining down blows on the other man.

Only when Jay and Adam hauled him off of Cuenca did a sense of his surroundings come back to him.

Jay stared at him for a second before dropping down to check on the other man, who was groaning in pain. Hank fought to get his breathing under control, but the rage was still flaring in him wildly.

When Cuenca turned onto his side to spit out blood, Hank’s rage exploded again, but since he was being held back by Adam, he couldn’t launch himself at the other man to finish what he started.

“You son of a bitch!” He roared, “You shot him full of drugs and left him to die. I’m going to kill you. You hear me?” Jay looked at him in alarm and he felt Ruzek freeze at his side once the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop, “You’re dead. You’re going to wish you’d never laid a finger on him.”

“Your rat,” Cuenca growled, glaring at him angrily, “deserved to die. You all deserve to die. You’re hypocrites. You strut around, a badge on your hip, acting like you’re better than all of us, like your protecting and serving, but the truth is, you’re the worst ones. Police are the real criminals. You deceive, you throw us in cages, beat us, kill us, and do it all pretending you’re on the side of good. But you all are so corrupt, the lines are so blurred, you can’t even recognize the rats on your own side.

“Yeah, I killed your guys,” Cuenca sneered, “and I’d kill you all if I could because that’s what you deserve.”

Hank tried to dislodge Adam’s hold on him, but he held tight. Jay hauled Cuenca up and pushed him to the cage, locking him in.

Clenching his jaw, he took a deep breath to calm himself as Jay and Adam looked to him for direction.

“Boss,” Adam whispered, voice choked, “that’s what we wanted to tell you. He claims he’s been working with someone in the CPD. He wants to make a deal.”

The last thing Hank wanted to do was come to any agreement with this piece of trash. But the more rational part of him realized that someone in the CPD was responsible for Antonio’s near-death, and possibly, the death of Detective Medrana.

“The name of your contact in the CPD, and Detective Medrana’s location,” Hank demanded.

*~*~*~*~*

“Get Lieutenant Beck here. Now.” Hank snarled at Jay as they walked into the bullpen.

“Sarge,” Jay stopped him before he made it into his office, “What he said… what you said about Antonio, is he…?”

He looked around, everyone - including Trudy who had come down to the rollup sometime in the midst of all the yelling - watching him carefully.

He nodded, sadly, “I found him, drugged and dumped where we found Jamie Broyles’ body. He’s alive. Kim’s with him now.”

The shock and anger he could see on their faces was only a fraction of what he was feeling, that, he could promise.

It was time to end this. 

Montgomery was going to get what was coming for him.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Chicago PD (TV), Chicago Fire, Chicago Justice (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Antonio Dawson & Kim Burgess, Antonio Dawson & Hank Voight, Antonio Dawson & Jay Halstead, Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson, Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek, past Sylvie Brett/Antonio Dawson Characters: Gabriela Dawson, Hank Voight, Kim Burgess, Antonio Dawson, Jay Halstead, Stella Kidd, Matthew Casey, Sylvie Brett, Christopher Herrmann, Peter Stone, Trudy Platt, Kevin Atwater, Adam Ruzek Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, shots fired, line of duty death, Family, Friendship Summary:

In the end, those we love never truly leave us. Their presence can be felt in the presence of others, in our own actions and even in the smallest of things. Here is the immediate aftermath of a tragic loss.

Thank you @hardcore-flower for being awesome and my personal cheerleader haha! Guys, check out her edits, they are amazing!

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Balance

@yourcrazyshipper​, I got the idea from one of your posts, so thank you!

Voight/Dawson/Stone fic, oneshot

Summary: Emotions run high as the life of one hangs in the balance and another has trouble coping.

The elevator doors had barely opened before he practically jumped out and dashed down the hallway. As he neared his destination, he caught sight of officers at the end of the hall so he forced himself to stop. He took a moment to regain his composure, before crossing the rest of the way to the waiting area and looking around.

The seats were filled with police, the remainder electing to stand along the walls in groups. An energized hum was echoing throughout the space as everyone waited anxiously for news, and the chance to do something.

His eyes immediately sought out the group of officers nearest the doors to the operating theaters. The members of the Intelligence Unit were the picture of quiet and calm - he doubted they were feeling that inside - except for one who was pacing in front of the doors restlessly.

He quickly made his way over, panic and a need for answers churning in his gut, but was stopped suddenly when Kim Burgess stood and intercepted him.

Her face was grim, she looked tired and stressed, but she spoke right away once she stood in front of him.

“Peter, hey,” she said.

“How is he?” Peter asked quickly.

“Still in surgery,” she looked down at the time on her phone, but Peter already knew the surgery had been going on for five hours. He’d counted every minute of it as he’d sped home. Of all the days to be conducting witness interviews across the state… “it’s been about five hours. No one’s been out to tell us anything..”

No news was good news… right?

He clenched his jaw and looked over her shoulder, “how about-“

“You need to talk to him,” Kim cut in, her voice quiet but urgent, “he’s not handling it well. Barely said a word when we got here. But now he won’t settle. And I don’t think he’s even heard a thing I’ve said to him.”

Peter didn’t need any persuading. He put a hand on her shoulder in thanks before stepping around and making his way over.

Aware of the many eyes around them, he waited until he was basically standing in the path being carved into the ground before saying anything.

“Antonio,” the questions that had been crowding his mind the whole drive over died the moment Antonio stopped in his tracks and looked at him. Instead, Peter took one look at Antonio, the downcast and lost expression etched into his features, and felt the wind get knocked right out of his chest. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and gather him into his arms, but he resisted. He was thankful that Kim had followed him however, and when Antonio stopped, had put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Thankful, and a bit jealous, that she could comfort him and he couldn’t.

“Peter?” Antonio whisper almost sounded more like a sigh even if it carried the hint of confusion at seeing him there.

Peter almost broke down right there just to hold him, bystanders be damned, but he just swallowed hard and said in a quiet and collected voice, “Let’s talk.”

Antonio looked unsure and glanced back at the doorway. He didn’t want to leave.

“I’ll come get you if we hear anything.” Al, who was standing nearest to them, reassured them.

Antonio only hesitated a moment longer, before he nodded in thanks to Al, and allowed Kim to guide him, with an arm across his back, out of the waiting area and down the hall, Peter leading the way.

They went to the restrooms, and Kim nudged Antonio forward to the door Peter held open for him. Her worried gaze followed her partner, and when he was past Peter into the restroom, she leaned back onto the wall outside to wait.

Peter took a moment to check each of the stalls and make sure they were alone, while Antonio stayed right where he was, just inside the door. Sure there was no one else in there with them, he turned to Antonio and pulled him close, a sigh leaving him. Antonio didn’t move at first, stiff as a board, but finally, his arms came up around Peter’s back, and he seemed to loosen the tiniest bit with the motion. They stood there like that for a few seconds more, until Peter pulled back and held Antonio’s jaw lightly in his hand to get a better look at him.

Jesus. Antonio was a mess. His eyes were dark with despair and shock. His face was lined with stress, too pale, had tired circles under his eyes. A streak of blood ran back across his cheek, making it worse. He pulled Antonio’s arms away and looked down. His hands still had blood on them, and it wasn’t just his hands: his sleeves did too, and there was some on the front of his jacket as well. Nausea rose in him as he thought about whose blood Antonio was covered in, along with a new worry.

“Are you okay? Are you injured?” The worst thing that could happen right now, was have Antonio collapse from an injury they missed in all the confusion.

Antonio looked like he was about to answer, but his eyes widened as they caught on something behind Peter, and he froze. Then, without warning, Antonio spun around and ran to the bathroom stall and dropped down in front of the toilet, losing whatever contents he’d had in his stomach. Peter looked behind him and only saw a mirror on the wall. He ran to the towel dispenser with a curse and grabbed a handful of paper towels, running it under the water quickly before crossing to Antonio, who continued to cough and heave dryly in the stall.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he soothed, rubbing Antonio’s back gently.

When Antonio had gotten his breathing under control and flushed the toilet, Peter helped him to his feet and led him to the sink.

He felt helpless as he stood there, unable to say the words he knew Antonio wanted to hear, separated from another who was in trouble, and could only watch Antonio rub at the blood on his hands, turning the water red as it swirled to the drain. It also didn’t help that, inside, he was drowning in his own turmoil, not knowing what was happening and afraid of what was going to happen: if Hank was going to live or die.

Antonio finished washing his hands and face off, but he stayed leaned over the sink with his eyes closed.

“Antonio,” he spoke his name softly, but he hoped he’d hear him over whatever thoughts were no doubt circling in his head, “you need to be strong. Be strong for him. They’re doing everything they can for him right now. So we’re going to go back out there, and be there for him when he pulls through.”

Despite the fear and uncertainty of what could happen next, he had to stay positive, he had to believe that Hank would make it.

Antonio nodded, but he still didn’t move.

“C’mere,” Peter stepped closer, and pulled Antonio in, and he didn’t resist, instead leaned heavily against him, and a knot in Peter’s gut loosened as he did. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he admitted quietly, resting his forehead against Antonio’s temple.

But at the words, Antonio stiffened up again and pulled away, “We need to go back.”

Peter was confused and startled by his reaction, but he understood that, right now, Antonio needed to be as close to Hank as he could and find out what was happening.

“Alright, let’s go.”

*~*~*~*~*

Antonio rubbed his strained neck roughly and leaned back in the waiting room chair with a huff. He moved his hand to press against his hip when the movement caused a stinging pain to flare, taking a another looked around at the tired faces of his team, Peter and Trudy, the only ones remaining in the waiting area. Their coworkers had slowly filtered out over the three hours since he had returned with Peter and Kim, each requesting they be notified when there was news.

His gaze went back down when he felt the press of fingers against the side of his thigh, and stopped the rapid bouncing of his knee. He looked at Peter apologetically, but all Peter did was give him a small smile and brush his hand lightly against his on the armrest.

Peter’s presence was a Godsend, and he was in awe that the man had driven back in the middle of the night, after what had been a long day of interviews, to be here. He didn’t know what he’d do without him.

But at the same time, he felt guilty, because this was all his fault.

The swish of the doors had his head snapping up to see a doctor heading towards them. When all of them jumped up at once to meet her, she gave them a smile.

“You must be here for Sergeant Voight. I’m Dr. Chopra, I’m an orthopedic surgeon. The surgery went well,” she cut to the chase, “we removed the bullet and were able to repair the damage it caused and reconstruct much of the tissue. The rest will heal with time and he should recover fully with rehabilitation.”

All at once, a collective sigh sounded and the tension in their group was replaced by relief.

“Can we see him?” Antonio asked quickly.

“He’s being moved to the PACU now, until he comes out from under the anesthesia, but visiting hours aren’t for awhile,” she told him with a sympathetic look.

No. He needed to see him and make sure he really was okay, “Doctor, I,” he made to step forward, but his leg seemed to just collapse under him and his vision swam.

“Antonio!” he felt hands grab him. Something hit his hip, the sharp, sudden pain leaving him breathless right before the world turned black.

*~*~*~*~*

He opened his eyes to a white ceiling, and the smell of antiseptic in the air. There was a slight ache on his hip, and as he pressed against it, he felt the padding of gauze beneath his shirt. He could hear low voices speaking nearby.

Pushing himself up, he beat back the head rush that clouded his vision as he got a glimpse of Peter and Kim at his feet.

“Hey, slow down,” Kim was at his side, steadying him with a hand on his shoulder.

“What happened?” he muttered, looking at her and Peter, who still stood at the foot of his bed. Kim looked to Peter, but his eyes were locked with Antonio’s an unreadable expression on his face, so she answered.

“You passed out. Doc says you were dehydrated, exhausted.” she trailed off with a shake of her head, “you didn’t say you were hurt. But she cleaned it out and said she’s gonna give you antibiotics.”

Antonio looked down at his hand, nodding at her words. Then he remembered, “Did Hank wake up?”

“No, not yet” she said, “you were only out for twenty minutes.”

When silence carried after she spoke, she took another look at Peter, who was still studying Antonio.

“Okay, I’m gonna check in with everyone. They’ll be glad to know you’re awake.”

She left him and Peter to their silence.

Peter finally moved from the foot of the bed, dragging a chair to the bedside. Then he pushed forward a tray that Antonio hadn’t noticed before.

He knew he didn’t have a choice here, so he picked up the soda and cracked it open, taking a sip, then grabbed the granola bar and peeled it open and began picking at it. Antonio felt a blush creep up on him as he did this, all while neither of them spoke.

Finally having enough, he decided to say something. All of this was his fault. He should apologize.

“Peter-”

“You can’t do this.” Peter interrupted quietly.

His apology caught in his throat at Peter’s pleading tone.

“You need to take care of yourself. You can’t hide injuries, can’t force yourself to keep going until you pass out from exhaustion.” Anger was starting to leak into Peter’s voice now, and he looked away in shame.

He heard Peter take a deep breath. Then, Peter reached out and took Antonio’s hand in his.

“Please, Antonio. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you both.”

“He stepped in front of me,” his voice was shaky, barely a whisper.

“What?”

He said it again, just loud enough for Peter to hear this time, “He stepped in front of me.”

Peter just stared at him, shocked.

“We cleared the house. I was looking at files on the desk. Next thing I know, Hank’s pushing me aside, and he just falls.”

He can still see it: catching Hank as he’s collapsing to the ground, dragging him to cover as the shots keep coming at them. Raising his gun and firing down the hallway, hearing the thud of Emmerich’s body hitting the floor.

Stripping off Hank’s vest and pressing down hard, blood still leaking out between his fingers.

Hank wasn’t supposed to be there; he was lying in the hospital bed that was meant for him.

The bed dipped when Peter sat on its edge. He pulled Antonio forward and leaned his forehead against his.

“He’s okay, Antonio.” Peter reassured him.

But Antonio shook his head, “I need to see him.”

“I know.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Thank God he’s a neat freak,” he chuckled at Antonio’s remark as the detective began to dig through the files stacked on Emmerich’s desk.

He walked across the room to the glass board, neat handwriting detailing locations and names. Where was Emmerich hiding?

“I think I got something.”

He backed up a few steps and turned to see Antonio holding out one of the files out for him to look at. He moved closer, reaching out to take the file from his partner’s hand when a flicker of light made his heart stutter in his chest. He didn’t think, just saw the dot traveling upward on Antonio’s chest and moved. He lunged forward, pushing Antonio back and stepping forward.

He felt the bullet tear into the side of his chest and then, nothing.

Everything was blurry. He blinked his eyes, slowly, attempting to get everything to clear up. It took a few tries, but he was able to see his surroundings better. Definitely a hospital room. Fluorescent lights, blue walls, that too-clean smell. As sensations came back to him, he looked down when he realized something was covering his hand. Warmth rushed through him when he saw Antonio, head down on the mattress, facing away from him, with his hand over his, sleeping soundly at his bedside. Movement near the wall made him look over, and he saw Peter curled up on the bench, his back to them.

He smiled, and squeezed Antonio’s hand lightly.

Antonio let out a quiet hum but didn’t move. He tried again, squeezing his hand twice.

This time, Antonio stirred, lifting his head slowly, and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. He turned to face Hank. His eyes were struggling open, but the moment he saw Hank looking at him, they widened immediately and he beamed.

“Hey! You really awake this time? Not just gonna fall asleep on me again?” Antonio whispered, his tone light.

“I think so,” Hank breathed, voice quiet and throat uncomfortably dry..

Antonio reached over for the cup on the tray, raised the bed so he could sit up, and held the cup for him to drink.

When Hank finished and Antonio put the cup back, he motioned over to Peter, still sound asleep, “when did he get back?”

“A few hours ago, while you were still in surgery,” Antonio whispered, smiling at him, “How’re you feeling?”

He honestly felt alright, if a bit out of it. He suspected that was the painkillers.

“I’m good. Really,” he added when Antonio eyed him critically, “How about you? You look like crap.”

“I’m fine.”

The way he said it suggested otherwise, “What’s wrong?”

The words had Antonio’s eyes widening as he repeated them in disbelief, “‘What’s wrong?’” he stood up from his chair, and walked to the foot of the bed, rubbing the back of his head harshly, “Jesus, Hank.” He turned back around and motioned at him, exasperatedly, “You’re in the damn hospital. You shouldn’t have stepped in front of that bullet, Hank. You could have died.”

The reaction was so quick, Hank suspected it’d been on Antonio’s mind for a while now. But this was ridiculous, “Of course I should have. And if jumping between you and a bullet meant you would be safe, I’d do it every time.”

Antonio shook his head, but Hank didn’t want to get into this anymore right now.

“Hey, come here,”

Antonio hesitated for a second, but he exhaled, his shoulders dropping, and walked back over to Hank’s side.

Hank reached up with his one - currently - good arm, and pulled Antonio to him when he leaned forward. He wrapped his arm around him tightly as Antonio buried his face into the crook of his neck.

“You can’t do that to me,” he closed his eyes at Antonio’s broken plea.

“I’m okay. I’m here.” He pressed a kiss to Antonio’s head and held him close.

He opened his eyes a few moments later and saw Peter was awake, sitting forward on the bench, watching them. When he caught Peter’s eyes, Peter gave him a sad, but relieved smile, which Hank returned.

They all needed to have a little talk later, but right now, he just wanted to sit and enjoy the comfort of being with Antonio and Peter, alive, another day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That’s it! That was fun. Hope you enjoyed!

Since OneChicago is on a 3-wk break, maybe I’ll be inspired to finish the dozen fics I have sitting in my drive. One of them is a Hanktonio one, so if you like this and “Counting,” stay tuned for more!

[words-that-made-me-fall]

This felt like it always did in the end. That moment when he revealed himself to be a traitor, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, sent to befriend a mark, gain their trust, then slap handcuffs on them and cart them off to prison.

So, he was afraid to meet Hank’s eyes, afraid to see that same look every single one of his targets would give him in that moment. That look of utter betrayal.

*~*~*~*~*

Chicago PD x UC:Undercover AU - Ghosts from Antonio’s past emerge, threatening, not just his team’s trust in him, but his life and the life of an old friend.

Chapter one under the cut // Full Story on Ao3 

Note:  While this is technically a CPDxUC crossover, you don’t need to have watched UC to read this. It’s more fun, sure, but I’ll explain anything that needs to be explained from that show. Plus it only ran for 13 episodes, so I took the foundation and tweaked it how I wanted. I do not own any characters from CPD and UC, those belong to Dick Wolf and Shane Salerno, respectively.

Chapter 1: Dreams

The shrill squeak of the door grates on his ears, aggravating the nervous energy running beneath his skin. He quickly casts his eyes around the dimly-lit restroom, glancing over the bathroom stalls and mirrored walls, as he turns to flick the faucet on. Bending over the sink, he cups his hands beneath the running water, letting them overflow a bit before splashing his face. Bent over, hands still gripping the counter’s edge, he takes a deep breath and the vice on his chest slowly loosens.

The sound of spraying water fades away, and a muffled ring begins to clog his ears. Confused, he reaches up and rubs his right ear roughly. All sounds cease.

His heart beats rapidly in his chest as fear overtakes him.

The bang of the stall door bursting open has him spinning on his heel and reaching for his absent holster. At the pump of the shotgun pointed at his face, his hands fly up in surrender.

A hand grabs the collar of his shirt and lifts him off the floor, slamming him up against the mirror, glass shattering around him.

“White man’s dog!”

He grasps desperately at the hand on his chest, trying to push it off.

The large fist collides with his jaw, snapping his head to the side. He can taste the coppery tang of blood pooling in his mouth as he looks at Quito’s snarling face.

“I’m sorry,” Antonio sobs as his nails dig into Quito’s hand, “It’s my job. It’s just my job.” (*)

He shifts his gaze to the figure standing behind Quito, pleading for help.

“I’m sorry! Sonny!”

“Dad, wake up!”

Lights shine brilliantly and fill his vision with white.

He jolted up with a gasp, his hand flying to his chest. A hard cough rattled his lungs as he looked up. Blinking teary eyes, he tried to focus on the figure standing at his door.

Eva

“Dad?” her voice trembled as she continued to stand stiffly at the door, hand over the light switch, “Dad, are you okay?”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He rasped, looking her over. His throat felt like sandpaper rubbing together.

“You were screaming,” Eva’s voice broke. She still didn’t move.

He looked down and rubbed at his chest as he tried to figure out how to breathe.

“Dad.” Eva’s pleading voice broke his stupor.

“I’m fine,” he whispered, then looked up to meet her gaze, stating in a stronger voice “I’m fine. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Eva took a hesitant step toward him, but he held out a hand, stopping her in her tracks.

“It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry,” he let out a shaky breath, “Go back to bed.”

She didn’t move for a moment, but he looked away and rubbed at the phantom ache in his jaw. Eventually, he heard her leave and go back to her room.

His head fell forward into his hands as he tried to take deep breaths. He shivered as the sweat cooled on his skin.

That dream. It had felt so real.

It had been so long…

*~*~*~*~*

He let his lukewarm coffee wash through his mouth a bit before swallowing, as he stared at the file left open on the couch.

9:24pm, we arrived at the docks. Lehman was waiting for us.

The exchange is made.

“Antonio.”

Hank was at the doorway of the break room. How long had he been standing there?

“Hey,” Antonio cleared his throat and pushed away from the sink, his knees stiff and protesting.

Hank entered the breakroom and approached, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he motioned to the file, “Just going over everything.”

Hank nodded and smiled, “Good. Stone called, wants you to check in with him before you testify tomorrow.”

“Great, thanks.” Antonio moved to the couch and began to gather everything up into the folder..

“You look a little tired. Everything okay?” Hank asked leaning against the fridge.

Antonio huffed a laugh and rubbed his eye, “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he replied, shaking his head.

Hank nodded and with a pat to Antonio’s back, left the room.

*~*~*~*~*

“Thanks, Antonio,” Stone said with smile, “Relax. It’ll all be over soon.”

Antonio snorted, “I’m not worried. I’ve done this hundreds of times.”

Peter laughed as he turned back to the stone steps, “See you on the stand. And leave that smirk out here, yeah?”

The grin on his lips slipped a bit at the tease, familiar words echoing in his head from years ago.

That’s just a coincidence, he thought as he remembered his dream from the other night.

The hair on the back of his neck rose and he found himself already scanning the faces around him.

A man in a long tan coat, walking further down the street, caught his eyes for some reason. He could only see the back of his head, but something was tugging him to the figure. His feet moved without his consent, but before he made it two steps, a car horn sounded behind him and pulled his attention to the yelling driver.

When he looked back to where the man had been, he didn’t see him anywhere. Shaking out the strange shiver that ran down his neck, he took one last look around before heading back inside.

*~*~*~*~*

“Earth to Antonio.”

He snapped himself from his thoughts and looked up to see Jay and Herrmann were looking at him, expectantly, “Hm?”

“Where’d you go, man?” Jay chuckled.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat, and laughed, “What were we talking about?”

“Luke taking up boxing.”

“Right.” But his attention was pulled away as his gaze landed on a man who was standing at a table across the room.

Sonny?

He was expecting to see his old friend’s face, but when the man turned around, it was someone unfamiliar to him.

Why had he thought that?

Turning back to his friends, he placed money down on the counter, “Sorry, I’m gonna head out, I’m beat. I’ll see you later.”

This was getting ridiculous. But as he went to bed that night, he couldn’t help but think these dreams and these strange feelings were trying to tell him something.

John wasn’t hiding his anger at the decision he made. He could tell he thought he was playing this too closely, toeing the edge. But this was how he worked.

“You really think he’s that good.” Do you really think he could work me?

“Yeah.”

“Better than me?”

“Yes.”

“Better than you?”

“It’d be a hell of a fight.” So what happens to me?

“You’re doing this to me now? Now?” His pager went off, “That’s Sonny.”

“Jake.”

“I might just surprise you.” (**)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(*) Quito Real was a crime boss whose organization Jake infiltrated to take down. Leading up to Real’s trial, Jake had nightmares of his targets prompted by his guilt. This scene was an actual dream Jake had before a trial (**) Jake was undercover with a group of bank robbers. The group made him prove his loyalty by killing a rat in the crew. Turns out the gun they gave him had blanks, but he still took the shot, risking jail time if he was wrong about the gun not being loaded and prompting a stern talking-to from his boss.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 9/9 Fandom: Chicago PD (TV), UC: Undercover Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Antonio Dawson & Hank Voight, Jake Shaw & Sonny Walker Characters: Antonio Dawson, Hank Voight, Sonny Walker, Jay Halstead, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, Kim Burgess, Hailey Upton, Alvin Olinsky, Trudy Platt Additional Tags: Friendship, Family, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Antonio Dawson is Jake Shaw, Alternate Universe Summary:

This felt like it always did in the end. That moment when he revealed himself to be a traitor, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, sent to befriend a mark, gain their trust, then slap handcuffs on them and cart them off to prison.

So, he was afraid to meet Hank’s eyes, afraid to see that same look every single one of his targets would give him in that moment. That look of utter betrayal. *~*~*~*~* AU - Ghosts from Antonio’s past emerge, threatening, not just his team’s trust in him, but his life and the life of an old friend.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Burzek shippers, I need help!

Hi! I need suggestions for a Burzek baby name! No gender preference! Please please help, and I’ll try to repay you with a fic 😁 (prompts welcome to make that faster haha 😅)

Thanks!

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Good Morning

Summary: Sylvie and Antonio’s morning with their babies before work.

Brettonio (Sylvie Brett/Antonio Dawson), OCs

**by the way all fics with this family are tagged #baby dawson

Fussing over the baby monitor prompted Antonio to crack an eye open, pushing up on one arm to look at the baby monitor on Sylvie’s bedside.

Sylvie turned to her side, facing him, eyes still closed, and murmured sleepily, “He’s awake.”

“I’ve got him,” Antonio said, placing a kiss on her shoulder and turning to get out of bed.

The chilly air had him shivering as he opened the door to the nursery to see Nicky looking around and babbling to himself, the pacifier forgotten next to his head.

Grabbing a little beanie on the dresser, he made his way over to the crib, “Good morning, little man.” As he leaned over, Nicky kicked his feet excitedly, trying to grab for him as Antonio fastened the little hat on his head. “Did you sleep well? Hm?” He picked him up and put him on the changing table, tickling his belly as he pulled out a new diaper and changed him.

Newly cleaned, Nicky laughed as he was lifted up and his belly was nuzzled and kissed.

“Let’s go see, Mommy. I think she misses you,” Antonio said, holding him close, stopping to grab his floppy, stuffed octopus from the crib and going back to his and Sylvie’s room.

Sylvie was sitting up in bed and her face immediately brightened as they walked in, “My baby boy!” Nicky reached eagerly for his mom, and Antonio placed him in her arms with a kiss and went to the bathroom to get ready for work.

*~*~*~*~*

The sight in the bedroom brought a smile to his face and filled him with warmth as he leaned against the bathroom door frame: Sylvie was playing with Nicky, who laid on his back in front of her on the covers. Mia was with them, having wandered in at some point, had her parent’s comforter wrapped around her and was snuggled against Sylvie’s lap.

Antonio sat on the bed, and they looked over at him, Mia getting up to give him a hug.

“Dad! Nicky made a really loud burp!” She exclaimed as Antonio pulled her into his lap.

“He did?” Antonio laughed, squeezing her tight.

“Yeah! It was like,” Mia stuttered as she thought of a comparison, “like a godzilla!”

“My little monster,” Sylvie laughed, growling playfully as she nosed at Nicky’s belly, getting a laugh out of him.

“He’s a monster!” Mia yelled.

“And I’m the king of monsters!” Antonio declared, tickling Mia’s sides and kissing her neck as she squirmed and tried to get out of his hold, laughing and calling for her mom to save her as she slid off his lap.

When the laughs settled down, Antonio got off the bed, helping his daughter down, “Go potty, then we’ll get breakfast,” he told her.

As she ran off, Antonio turned to accept Nicky from Sylvie so she could get ready for work, too, and made his way to the kitchen.

He poured milk and cereal for Mia as she sat at the table. While she ate, they talked about turtles she had seen at the park and Nicky’s strange habit of eating his toys. Meanwhile, Antonio had set Nicky in his play chair and was brushing her messy hair.

They finished their food and brought the bowls to the kitchen. Mia then ran quickly to the bathroom. Antonio laughed as he followed her, knowing what he’d see.

And he was right: Mia was smiling and playing with the water in the sink, a new delight of hers. He pulled out her toothbrush and the toothpaste and as he brushed her teeth, Mia trying to turn the faucet back on (“Leave the water off, Mia”) and grab the toothbrush to do it herself.

“You can have a turn when I’m done, okay?” She nodded and waited patiently. When he was finished and she rinsed her mouth, he gave her back the toothbrush which she immediately stuck back in her mouth, “Let’s go get changed?”

“No I want to keep brushing,” After a stroke or two, she pulled it back out and looked up at him, “I need toothpaste.”

“You need more toothpaste? Okay,” He pulled the toothpaste back out of the cabinet and put a tiny amount on the brush. She brushed on her own and when she finished they went to her room so she could change.

She wanted to choose her own clothes, so he waited patiently and only helped her if she asked for it.

Satisfied with her choice, she jumped around her room, throwing the rejected clothing back into the drawer.

“Help me fix your bed, please, Mia,” together, they zipped up the kid’s bedding and put her pillow in its place, then made their way back to the living room.

Antonio turned the tv on for her to watch as Sylvie walked in with Bonnie.

“Morning, Bonnie,” he greeted. His daughter turned and stood on the couch greeting her loudly.

“Ready to go?” Sylvie asked, snuggling Nicky.

“Yeah let’s get going,” he responded, “Bye, baby girl. I love you. See you after work, okay? Be good.”

“Bye Daddy,” Mia said giving him a kiss and a tight hug.

Sylvie said bye to Mia, as he gave Nicky a kiss, “Bye, my baby,” Sylvie said hugging her tight, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Bye Mommy. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, sweetie.” Sylvie said with a kiss.

Antonio grabbed his things and Sylvie’s duffel as she stopped to talk to Bonnie quickly and went to warm up the car.

*~*~*~*~*

He pulled up at the firehouse and waved to Stella and Severide as they passed.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Sylvie said leaning over to give him a kiss.

“I love you,” he said, stroking her cheek, “Be safe.”

“You, too,”

“Always”

He waved to her one more time before driving to the 21st.

*~*~*~*~*

“Mia’s driving now?” Otis’s question had Sylvie’s head whipping up quickly, pulling her attention away from what Emily had been saying.

“What?”

Otis pointed ahead of them where the three year old sat in the driver’s seat of the car, her feet hanging outside the open door. Antonio was standing with his back to them, leaned over Nicky’s car seat.

As they got closer, Mia looked up from her tablet and saw her approaching, “Mommy!”

Antonio looked back over his shoulder when Mia slid down out of the car and ran to meet her, calling for her to be careful.

Sylvie laughed as she ran forward and lifted her up into her arms, “Hi, Baby!”

“I missed you,” Mia said laying her head on Sylvie’s shoulder.

“Aw I missed you too Mia. Say hi to Otis and Emily.”

“Hi Otis. Hi Emily.” She responded dutifully to which they responded.

“I love your earrings, Mia,” Emily said.

“I made them!” Mia cried proudly.

“What do you say?” Sylvie prompted

“Thank you, I made them by myself!”

“That’s awesome!”

They had made it to the car, and Antonio pushed off the side of the car, where he’d been waiting, and greeted Otis and Emily.

Her two friends stopped to say hi to Nicky, before leaving for their own rides.

“Good morning,” Antonio said giving her a kiss, “Let’s get some food?”

“Yes” Sylvie said happily, followed by an agreement from Mia.

She loaded Mia back into her seat, and when they were ready, their family headed off, discussing what food they were going to eat.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Babies and Blanket Forts

Summary: Who doesn’t love babies? AND blanket forts?

Brettonio (Antonio Dawson/Sylvie Brett), Diego Dawson, OCs

Antonio yawned widely as he gently flicked the springy cloud on the play table so it rattled and bounced on its plastic spring. Sure enough, small pudgy hands reached for it and began to tug, mesmerized by the sound. He held back another yawn and pushed himself up to a sitting position, because, obviously, laying down wasn’t helping.

He’d gotten home from work late the night before and everyone had been fast asleep . Thank God for Diego and their nanny. But just as he’d felt like he’d finally fallen asleep, he was waking to the sound of babbling over the baby monitor. He’d had a cup of coffee with breakfast, but the late nights and their long case were catching up to him.

“Daddy,” he took his attention away from where he had been absently watching Nicky play to look at his daughter, who had been quietly making jewelry with her Pop Beads.

“I made you a bracelet, Daddy,” she was holding out a colorful ring of beads to him.

“That’s beautiful, baby, thank you,” He held out his wrist for her to put it on him. She tried to tug it down his hand, but it was too small, “It’s a little small, baby girl.”

A frown of concentration colored the three year old’s face as she considered it.

“I’ll fix it,” she said as she pulled it back, and went back to her workstation - blanket - to add more beads. Antonio watched her for a bit, noticing she was sporting quite a few new accessories as well: earrings, and two necklaces.

After a few moments, she came back over with a larger bracelet. Again, he held out his arm for Mia, and this time, the bracelet slid easily onto his wrist. She smiled widely in triumph as Antonio held his newly decorated wrist up for them to admire, “It fits!”

“Yes it does. It fits perfectly, Mia, thank you,” he reached out and pulled her in for a kiss that made her giggle and squirm, “What else did you make?”

“I made earrings, and necklaces. I’m going to make one for mommy and Diego,” she said going back to the pile of beads to make more.

“They’ll love that, sweetie.”

Diego wandered in then, taking in the scene as he woke up fully.

“Morning, buddy,” Antonio said, stifling a laugh at his son’s blank expression. He probably hadn’t looked any better. “There’s breakfast in the kitchen.”

Diego nodded, and went to the kitchen, coming out a couple minutes later with a plate and a cup.

They spent a while watching tv, playing with Nicky and Mia, and catching up with Diego’s school life and activities until Antonio decided he actually had things to get done today. So, leaving the babies with his eldest son, he went off to freshen up for the day.

*~*~*~*~*

He set the newly washed laundry down on the chair as he tried to figure out what was happening. Diego was laying on the couch, tapping away on his phone, which was not unusual, but the state he was in was puzzling. A yellow and white rope - Mia’s toy rope - was wrapped around him a few times while Mia was off to the side watching him and stage whispering in Nicky’s ear. Nicky needed his nap.

“What happened to Diego, Mia?” Antonio asked walking into the living room to pick up his baby boy.

“He said he’s leaving, so I tied him up so he has to stay,” Mia explained.

“You tied him up?” Antonio looked over to Diego to elaborate.

“Evan and Cristian want to hang out later for lunch,” Diego said, putting his phone down on the couch, “is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Do you need a ride?”

“No, thanks. Evan’s driving.”

“Be careful.”

Diego nodded and looked over to Mia, “Mia, I’m only going to be gone for a little bit. I promise, I’ll be back. Can you please untie me?”

Mia looked like she was coming around, so Antonio left, taking Nicky to be fed and put down for a nap.

*~*~*~*~*

Antonio came out of the kitchen from where he was getting started on lunch to take a peek at what Diego and Mia were up to this time since they had been suspiciously quiet for a while now.

Oh. It looked like they had found the bedsheets he hadn’t gotten around to folding yet and were now attempting to make a blanket fort in the living room. It was draped across the couch cushions and stretched across to Nicky’s play chair and baby gym.

Mia and Diego were inside - Diego’s legs were sticking out - and fixing the fort, the sheet moving around as they did so. Mia crawled out - butt first - and stood up to see her dad watching them.

“Dad we built a fort!” She cried excitedly.

“I can see that,” he laughed as she ran around to tighten the corners of the sheet, “very cool.”

“Hey dad, I’m gonna go get ready,” Diego said as he stood up from the floor.

“Yeah. Thank you for keeping her occupied. Mia, want to help me make lunch?”

Always a good way to get her attention. Sure enough, the mention of cooking had her eagerly running off to the kitchen.

*~*~*~*~*

“What do you want to watch, baby girl?”

It was around Mia’s quiet/nap time, but she wasn’t winding down just yet. She was quite the chatterbox so a movie was a good way to settle down.

“Sing!”

“Sing? Again?” Antonio asked, feigning surprise. She had become obsessed with singing shows and movies recently, and ‘Sing’ was her favorite.

“Yes!”

“You want to watch from inside your fort?”

The suggestion had Mia’s eyes going wide as even more excitement showed on her face, “Can we?”

“Of course. Come on.” He grabbed a spare blanket and laid it on the floor then threw the couch pillows inside. He grabbed the baby monitor and set up the movie then laid down next to Mia who was already laying comfortably on her stomach with her head closest to the opening facing the tv.

The movie started and they settled in with Mia singing along as it went.

*~*~*~*~*

She could hear music coming from the tv in the living room as she hung her jacket up and put her keys down.

Excited to see her family finally, she made her way to the living room, ready to greet everyone. As she walked into the room however, what she saw made her freeze in surprise.

The tv was playing ‘Sing’ like she had thought, but she didn’t see anyone right away. Putting her duffel down, she moved closer to get a better look at the blanket fort in the middle of her living room.

Crouching down she laughed quietly at the picture in front of her: Antonio’s legs were outside of the fort, and he was asleep with his head on a pillow and the baby monitor next to him. Meanwhile, Mia was sprawled out under the fort, fast asleep as well. She was laid out like a starfish, one leg even resting on top of her dad’s torso, foot basically in the air.

Sylvie pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures, making sure to get the fort in it as well. She even sent one to Gabby right then so she wouldn’t forget.

Sighing as she put her phone down, she smiled softly ,and rearranged her daughter’s limbs to a less crazy state and brushed her hair back out of her face. Then, she crawled in and laid down at Antonio’s side causing him to stir.

“Hey,” he said, smiling at her sleepily as she kissed him on the cheek.

“Hello, sleepyhead.”

He wrapped an arm around her as she laid her head on his shoulder, “How was work?” he asked, rubbing her back.

“It was good,” she responded snuggling in closer to him.

He dropped a kiss to her head, “That’s good.”

“Go back to sleep,” Sylvie said, wrapping her arm around his middle.

She chuckled as he replied with just a hum, and closed her eyes, too.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

I’ll always be here for you

A series of missing moments following 5x22 “Homecoming.” (all parts tagged #missing moments)

For the full fic, follow this link: We are Fragile Creatures on Ao3

Part 3: Gabby checks in on Antonio

[Today, 16:09]

Eva:  Hey dad! I’m going to the movies with some friends tonight  Want me to order some dinner before I go?

[Today, 17:42]

Eva:  You must still be busy, sorry! Val is picking me up soon!  We’re actually gonna grab some food before the movie  I’ll be back around 10

Love you!

[Today, 20:44]

Sorry Eva. Busy day. I’ll be home late. Don’t wait up  I have some things to finish up before I can go home. I love you

Looking at the time on his lock screen again, he was sure almost everyone from the last shift had gone home by now. Especially his team, after the days they’d had. He walked swiftly through the doors and up to the Intelligence office. He released a breath when he found it empty.

No one would be coming in again tonight, so he sat at his desk and got started on his reports.

*~*~*~*~*

01:57

Gabby let her hand fall back down, resting the phone against her lap, and her gaze went back to the tv that was currently showing some car ad. She didn’t really know what she had been watching, her mind busy thinking of her upcoming trip to Puerto Rico.

She was making mental list of things that she had to take care of, when she registered the sound of a door clicking shut. She turned to see Antonio had finally come home.

Her brother was obviously surprised to see her there. “Gabby?” She got up, turned back to shut down the tv, but didn’t move towards him yet, “What are you doing here? Where’s Eva?” More and more worry leaked into his tone with each question.

“She’s asleep,” She said, making sure he could hear the steady confidence in her voice to reassure him.

His shoulders relaxed and he nodded before moving to hang up his jacket. When he turned to the kitchen, Gabby followed him.

“There’s pasta in the fridge.” She said, leaning against the counter. Eva had told her that she wasn’t sure if he had eaten, so Gabby had made him a quick meal just in case. Antonio grabbed two beers from the fridge, and shot a questioning look to her, asking if she wanted one. She shook her head “no” so he put one back. She waited as he opened the bottle and took a large pull, then slowly brought the bottle down to the countertop. He didn’t say anything, just looked at the bottle.

“Have you eaten? Eva wasn’t sure if you’d had time.”

He didn’t respond to her question. Concern filled her as the silence dragged on.

“Antonio?” She tried again.

He finally looked up, confusion on his face. He hadn’t heard her. “Sorry, what?”

She offered him a small smile and said again, “Eva said you were really busy today. Did you eat?”

“Oh, uh, no, not yet.”

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll heat some up for you.” It wasn’t really a question. Gabby moved past with a small push directing him towards the table, and she pulled out the pasta to microwave him a plate.

While the food heated, she observed her brother as he sat at the table. He was running a finger up and down his beer bottle, not drinking it. The microwave beeped, so she took the food and made her way over to him. When she set it down in front of him, he picked up the fork, but he didn’t make a move towards the food yet. Gabby didn’t say anything, just sat next to him and waited.

As though suddenly jolted from his thoughts, he looked up at her with an apologetic expression, “Sorry. Were you here long? I didn’t-”

“Oh no,” She interrupted gently, “I wasn’t waiting long, don’t worry.” She had gotten there around 11, but it didn’t matter.

“Did you need something?”

Gabby looked at him for a moment before answering, “I heard about Olinsky, Antonio.” She finally admitted quietly. Mouch had called her earlier that evening with the news of Olinsky’s death. He had been directed by Trudy to ask her to check in on Antonio.

It was as though the words drained the energy -  if he had any left at all - from him.

“Oh.” He said quietly.

Gabby pushed on, “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t look like he had any response, but she wasn’t waiting for one. She laid her hand on his arm. As if he just realized he was holding it, he set the fork down and closed his hand in a fist.

“You found the one responsible.” She hadn’t put it out as a question, but he nodded anyway. Strangely, at the same time, her statement had Antonio tensing up, as if he was bracing himself. Puzzled, she waited for him to say something, but he didn’t offer up anything.

After a short silence, she took her hand off his arm, but it was just so she could move her chair closer to his. She laid her arm across his back letting her thumb gently rub his arm and felt him slowly relax. She let her head rest against his shoulder.

After a few moments, he turned and placed a kiss on her head and put a hand over hers. She could tell he was tired. And his reaction had her worried, because it seemed as though something else was bothering him. But one thing at a time.

“Did you still want to eat?” she asked after a few seconds more.

He patted her hand gently, and took a breath before speaking. “Yeah of course.” He said with an attempt at a bit of false cheer. She appreciated him trying.

“You don’t have to, y’know,” She said with a smile as she moved her chair back.

“Gabby,” he said softly, “thank you.”

The raw emotion plain on her older brother’s face made her heart melt. “I will always be here for you, Antonio.”

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Too many names

A series of missing moments following 5x22 “Homecoming.” (all parts tagged #missing moments)

For the full fic, follow this link: We are Fragile Creatures on Ao3

Part 2: The wall

A block from the district, Antonio pulled his car over. He had reports and paperwork to finish on this case, especially for the review. But he didn’t think he could handle walking back in to be met by the accusing stares of his coworkers, the questions from his team. Tapping his fingers on his knee, he thought about what to do. It wasn’t dark out yet, but it was getting there. He decided to wait it out, wait for shift change before coming back for the paperwork. Putting his car in gear, he pulled back out and drove.

*~*~*~*~*

JULIE B. WILLHITE

He pressed his fingers to his lips, then brushed them lightly across her name engraved on the wall.

God, almost five years ago now, he realized with a deep sadness.

He missed her. He missed getting to talk with her about their kids, the way she’d laugh at his bad jokes. He remembers her smile, how she’d act like the reluctant mom of their unit full of children. The way she would roll her eyes fondly at his and Jay’s banter, share looks with Erin at their antics. How she’d poke fun at Alvin when he would egg them on, prolonging the games while pretending to take no real interest.

He remembers the gunshot. Her hitting the ground. Warm blood between his fingers. Calling her name, begging her to stay with him. The eternal wait before the sirens reached his ears. He remembers the last time he got to see her, as he and Hank laid her down on the gurney, and she was put in the back of the ambulance. How pale she’d been, how lifeless…

A car horn sounded nearby, jolting his mind back to the present. Blinking away the pressure that was building behind his eyes, he looked at his hand resting beside her name. It felt cold.

Glancing around, he saw that the sun was setting. He was still alone here at the memorial. The walls made him feel so small. There were just too many names, but still, soon there will be one more engraved with Jules and - his eyes glanced over to the next name - Jin. Too many names.

I miss you, Jules. The next thought had his eyes watering. Take care of Al, alright? Tell him… Tell him we miss him. And, God, we… we got the guy. We got him.

He bowed his head for a moment, and said a quick prayer, letting a tear fall to the ground at his feet.

With a deep breath, he pushed away from the wall at last, and with one more glance at his partner’s name, and a final goodbye to all the fallen men and women around him, he made his way out of the memorial.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

The Review

A series of missing moments following 5x22 “Homecoming.” (all parts tagged #missing moments)

For the full fic, follow this link: We are Fragile Creatures on Ao3

Part 1: What happened to DeLeon

“Hey, what happened out there?” “This witness is all over the news saying DeLeon’s hands were up high?” “Yeah, is he telling the truth?”

Jesus. Their voices were crowding in on him, the words pounding into his skull and making his headache worse. “I don’t know I didn’t see it. I got to the scene right after Voight opened fire.”

“Press about to go crazy over this”

“Yeah this is not a good look for Voight”

Tell me about it. “I get it, but I mean-”

“But what?” His frustration ticked up higher at being interrupted.

“There’s nothing I can do. I wasn’t there, so I can’t confirm or deny if Carlos reached for his weapon-”

“Can’t confirm or deny? What are you a lawyer?”

“I didn’t see what happened!”

“It doesn’t matter! Who cares?”

“Excuse me?”

“We’re talking about the guy who killed Al here. We’re talking about a career criminal who paid some punk to kill our friend, our brother, and you’re worried about what you saw, or didn’t see. I don’t und-” As if he could forget all that!

“Watch yourself, man!”

“Watch yourself? I’m right here!”

“What is going on?” Platt. White-knuckled, Antonio took a few deep breaths.

“We’re good. We’re just talking over a few things.”

“Antonio.” The tone had his defenses climbing even higher. “Ivory Tower called. They want to talk to you about the Carlos DeLeon shooting. Now.”

Before anyone could even attempt jumping down his throat again, Antonio practically ran out of the bullpen. He felt the eyes of every officer on him as he made his way out of the building. With more force than necessary, he opened the car door, got in, jammed the key into the ignition, started it and drove.

God what a mess. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. I shouldn’t have left him alone. I should have just gone up the stairs with him. I should have had his back the entire time.

With a twinge of guilt he had to confess that, a part of him had felt glad to see Alvin’s killer dead. Then, what if what those two guys were saying about DeLeon’s hands being up had been true? The thought makes him glad he had not seen anything at all. He couldn’t lie for Hank against his own better judgement.

But I don’t think I could let myself be the reason we lose Hank anyway by telling the truth. It could be because of me that Alvin’s sacrifice would be for nothing.

His mind went back to the time he had served the warrant for Kevin’s arrest. To the sadness he had felt at having to go after one of his own for the job. And it wasn’t like that was the only time. Voight, Kevin, Banks, Kim. He had gone after fellow cops. And for each time, right or not, he knew the hurt everyone had felt he had inflicted. The betrayal they had felt. Three of those hadn’t been too long ago in hindsight; over a year now, but with everything that they had all been through, it felt like decades.

He wondered if everyone wouldn’t be surprised if he were to leave Hank out to dry now.

But there was no way he could completely back Hank. If the witnesses already told everyone that Hank had shot DeLeon when his hands were up, who’s to say they wouldn’t tell everyone that Antonio had arrived after the shooting had already occurred. This would be investigated with full force, and lying now would only screw them all over. The damage wouldn’t be limited to just them two, the entire unit would be under scrutiny, and he couldn’t do that.

His resolve hardened by the time he pulled up to headquarters. The feeling of guilt was pushed down to a low murmur to sit like lead at the bottom of his heart, and it only get heavier as he made his way upstairs.

*~*~*~*~*

“I heard one shot fired, and then another. By the time I got there, the offender, Carlos DeLeon, was down and Sergeant Voight had his weapon drawn. I went to check on DeLeon. He wasn’t breathing, had no pulse. He was dead. Sergeant Voight told me that DeLeon had a firearm and he had been reaching for it. I found the gun under his jacket. Sergeant Voight called it in.”

The room was silent while his statement was recorded, and the board took in the information for themselves.

“How long were you and your Sergeant separated?”

Too long. “Two or three minutes.”

“Could you hear what Sergeant Voight was saying to the offender?”

His mind raced back to when he had heard Hank’s yelling on the roof, “No, I couldn’t make out what he was saying.” He couldn’t remember anything but the fear of Hank alone and in trouble.

“Detective, is there anything else you would like to add?”

Yeah. That monster Hank shot was responsible for the death of a detective, our brother, Antonio wanted to make clear. He looked around at the faces of his superiors. For the most part, none of them had any kind of expression, no clues as to what they thought of his statement. One or two looked a bit more sympathetic to his position. He resisted the urge to look at his FOP rep to avoid seeming at all uncertain.

“No, nothing.”

“Very well, thank you for your statement Detective Dawson. We’ll let you know if there is anything further. You’re dismissed.”

Antonio stood with a “Thank you,” to the room, a nod to his rep, and made his way to the door. They didn’t ask about the witnesses. Did they know he had come into contact with them? That they had yelled their accusations to him? Would they have known if he had lied to protect-

His breath caught in his throat as he found Hank in the hall. Hank looked concerned, and his steps slowed as his first instinct was to reassure but his fear of what Hank would ask him didn’t kept him from stopping. And Hank didn’t try. So he walked passed him to the elevators. By the time he made it and pressed the call button, he felt like he hadn’t taken a breath in a while. He felt dizzy, and the lump of guilt was back in his chest.

[words-that-made-me-fall]

Antonio x reader (if you do them, don’t worry if not!!). Antonio helping the reader/whoever through a panic attack

Sorry this took a while! I just didn’t want to mess it up. Also yeah, not a [reader] fic, an OC instead. Hope you like it!

Antonio helps a fellow officer through a panic attack

A grin breaks out on Eve’s face when she recognizes the two approaching officers.

“Dawson and Atwater, Intelligence.”

“MacNamara and my partner, Dallas.”

“Hey Eve!”

She chuckles as Kevin walks up to give her a hug, “Hey Kevin. Hey Antonio.”

“Neil working on those threes?” Antonio laughs as Eve rolls her eyes at Kevin’s question.

“That he is.”

“What do you have for us?” Antonio prompts, peeking through the door behind Eve curiously.

“Call came in about a robbery in progress,” Eve explains, leading the Intelligence officers into the house, “DOA is Edward Alvarez. His file is flagged to notify Intelligence, so…”

She trails off as they come upon the two bodies that lay on the floor of the hall, shattered glass and frames around them.

She lets them take in the scene before motioning for them to follow her to the basement door while MacNamara explains, “We heard them downstairs. Offender came out shooting. Gave chase, but they had a car waiting nearby.”

In the basement, Eve points to a bloodstain on the wall and floor next to a heavy steel door, “They left someone behind down here. He’s at Lakeshore now.”

“What is this?” Kevin muses as he and Antonio lead the way in. Eve and Joe hadn’t gone far in except to clear the room in order to preserve the scene, but now they follow them in, curious.

Eve stands by Joe in the corner as they watch them take a look around the room.

“What’s that?”

She looks over as her partner points his light at a something and walks over to it. But then, a  hiss and a clang startles all of them into looking at the door, which has just shut them all in.

Eve runs up to the door and starts pushing at it, feeling along the sides for a handle or a latch, anything, to open it up again.

“Shit,” she mutters when nothing works. She takes a deep breath, trying to slow her racing heart, and steps back. The bottom of her shoe sticks as she moves. She shines her flashlight down and sees the blood on the floor. The air gets trapped in her throat and a shiver darts up her spine.

The others are speaking behind her.

“No cell reception,” Kevin says, holding up his phone screen for everyone to see.

“Radio’s out,” Dawson said, clicking his radio a few times.

“They know we’re here, though, right? I mean, ME and crime lab should be on their way, and, our statements…” MacNamara trails off.

As MacNamara’s voice was getting quieter, a thump, thump, thump, was sounding in Eve’s ears and getting louder.

“Yeah, definitely,” Kevin’s voice cuts into the rhythmic thumping in her ears.

“Our sergeant knows we’re here. Plus if he doesn’t show, he’ll be expecting Kev and me soon anyway.” Antonio adds.

Anything said next is lost to her ears as Eve rubs the blood on her shoe against the floor, and continues shining her light on the door, trying to find a way out and ignore her pounding heart.

As she feels around again, she sees her hands trembling, the beam of light coming from the flashlight in her grip quivering. As her eyes track the beam of light, her vision begins to blur. She brings shaking fingers up to her eyes and rubs at them, feeling her fingers slip against the moisture on her face.

It’s too hot in here, there’s no air. Eyes squeezed closed, she yanks against her vest harshly, successfully getting the vest half-off as the trembling makes its way down to her legs. Suddenly a numb feeling spread up through her toes. As her legs give out from under her, she feels hands against her shoulders, and she does not crash to the floor like she expects, but is gently lowered. The hands leave and she opens her eyes to see Antonio in front of her, concern clear on his face. Her heart pounds faster, harder. She tells herself to take a deep breath, but she can feel them coming too sharp and shallow. Her vision begins to tunnel, blackness creeping in as a thought travels through her mind.

“I’m dying. I’m going to die here.” In front of my partner and my superiors.

“No Eve. Eve you’re not dying. You’re safe. You’re having a panic attack. It will pass. You’re safe.”

She brings her hands up to pull against her vest again, ripping it off so it slides off her to her side.

“Eve, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” Antonio’s hands come into her view steadily, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

She nods as tears continue to stream down her cheeks. He smiles at her gently and takes a hold of her hands in his.

“Focus on breathing. Take deep breaths, okay.”

She tries to pull in a deep breath, but it’s hard, the air hiccuping in her chest. A sob tears out of her and she screws her eyes closed tight.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Antonio squeezes her hand, “You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m right here with you.”

She opens her eyes as Antonio lays one of her hands against her stomach, “Breathe with me, alright? Breathe in.” He pauses, “Breathe out. You can do this. Breathe in-”

She pulls in ragged breath, after ragged breath, trying to match his words, all the while he continues the pattern, and breathes with her.

“There we go. Good job, Eve.” As her breaths come a bit slower and deeper than before, she feels her belly moving beneath her hand in time with the breaths, and she focuses on that movement.

“You’re doing great,” Antonio rubs her shoulder comfortingly, “Has this happened before?”

Shame fills Eve as she thinks back to the last time she’d had an attack like this, years ago. She lowers her eyes to the floor and nods, tears filling her eyes again.

“It’s okay. What do you need? Do you have medication?”

She shakes her head, regretting it as an ache begins to make itself known in her skull.

“Okay,” Antonio looks up quickly as she feels vibrations, something pounding against the wall at her back.

MacNamara’s voice, a bit unsteady, yells to whoever is pounding against the door, “We’re in here-”

He’s cut off, and Kevin’s voice, more calm, replaces his, “We can’t figure out how to open the door, Sarge.”

Eve’s attention is directed back to Antonio as he speaks to her again, “See, we’re fine. You’re fine. You’re safe.”

This time, the words have her nodding. She’s still shaking, she can feel the exhaustion in her shoulders and her chest, and she feels anxious.

She begins to fidget, but she doesn’t want to get up just yet, just breathe.

“You feeling better?” Antonio asks her. She nods, and feels her face heat up a bit, this time in embarrassment for what had just happened.

“I’m sorry, that was,” she pauses and focuses on taking a deep breath again.

“No. You have nothing to be sorry about.” He rubs her shoulder and smiles sincerely, “You know who should be sorry? Neil. He got Diego hooked on that one videogame.”

“Portal Knights, right?” Eve asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah, that one.” Antonio laughs.

“Neil loves that game. He was so happy when Diego started playing it with him, too.”

“Yeah. He’s always building something new on that.”

They both look up when the door finally opens.

Kevin quickly thanks the officers and Sergeant Voight and, with a nod and a smile to Antonio and Eve, motions for them to follow him, taking them and their curious looks away from Eve.

Her partner is standing uncertain at the door, waiting for her.

“You ready to get out of here?” Antonio asks, holding a hand out for her.

“Yes, please.”

He helps her to her feet, and, with her partner following, they make their way out of the house.

It felt good to move and walk around. The fresh air was really helping.

Antonio stays by her side as she continued to breathe in the fresh air.

“Eve.” She looks over at him and her partner as he holds out a bottle of water for her.

She accepts it gratefully, and takes a few sips. She was now feeling extremely exhausted, and it must have showed.

“Wait here, okay?” Antonio said, walking over to Sergeant Voight.

She watches him, wondering what he’s doing. She is surprised when Voight motions MacNamara over to them.

Antonio jogs back over to her, “Okay. Eve, would you like me to drive you home? I explained to my Sergeant. MacNamara’s statement will do for now. He suggests you take it easy and head home.”

She thinks about it. She was so tired, and going home sounded like heaven right now, “Yes, please.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

In his car, as he starts it up and adjusted the A/C for her, she grabs his attention, “Antonio, thank you.”  

“You’re welcome, Eve.”