Words Left Unspoken

Hi, I'm Lil and this is just my free space to express myself.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

Back again. Is it because life is a little somber? Nah. I have some men who pay attention to my posts on my other blog though, and I can’t (feel awkward) talking about them for them to see as plain as day though. One day at a time. Every day is just another day and I’ll be ok.

Part of me hopes that other guy creeps on my tumblr, but girly pop, you got him blocked. Ain’t no way he’s still going out his way looking for you.

[weenhands-deactivated20250319]

i’m getting tired of reblogging images on here someone fall in love with me

[footlongdingledong]

I swear to god I am going to (remembers nothing) (stares directly at the fucking

[sandersstudies]

Why does it feel weird and intimate to mention that someone was in even the most innocuous of your dreams? Sorry my subconscious decided to think about you for a second. You were a curator at an ice cream museum that was also my second grade classroom. If you even care.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

Update: I sent the email and he never responded. Thats what I figured would happen anyway. But it’s ok because like I said “I wasn’t necessarily trying to open the door. I’m not ready for that yet. I just wanted to send a well wish by sending a post card under the door.” And I know he won’t tell me happy birthday on my main tumblr again. He stopped checking my LinkedIn a long time ago. Life goes on. I wish it turned out differently, but oh well.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I did it. I’m just doing my best to breathe now. It’s over. The outcome is out of my hands…like everything in this life. Once I do something, I let it go. I cannot control it. I know my intentions. Other people cannot define me. I do things if it was on my heart.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

Let’s work this out…

Best case scenario: a simple thank you and well wish or nothing more.

Middle case scenario: Reaching out and asking about you.

Low worst case scenario: no response.

Worst case scenario: “Thank you. Please never contact me again.” or blurbing about things I don’t want to hear.

Why do I want to say it? Idk…I’ve been ruminating about it for so long. I feel like if I don’t, I’ll ruminate on “what I should’ve/would’ve/wished I did.” But most importantly, I’m living in my truth…doing what I want to do. Not trying to hurt anyone. Not meaning to be toxic or reopen a door. It is giving me anxiety but I think that’s the lack of control…but like my therapist said…I can’t help how other perceive me.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I just really wanted to be your person and I, without a doubt, thought you were mine.

You could’ve been the love of my life.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

it’s nice to have the burner account to free post. Hopefully no one ever finds this and maybe even if they do, they won’t know it’s me or it’ll be so outdated that who cares.

I wish I could connect this to my main account for easier use. If not, maybe delete this one and add a secondary to my main account.

Anywho, it’s February and his birthday is coming up. Not my father’s, but the guy’s. I cut him off because the friendship was hurting me, I accepted he’d never love me like that, and I cannot go back to our regular friendship before I expressed my feelings. How I acted was cringey af but my feelings were real. But that’s besides the point. It’s been 6 months since I cut him off. Of course you still think about someone you’ve loved for years. More so wondering how he’s doing. Slightly worrying. I want him to be happy and successful even if him being happy romantically hurts me to know. Preferably, I don’t want to know that part. It still hurts.

I’m not ready to or want to try to reestablish a friendship. I just want to wish a happy birthday. I just have a desire to send well wishes and nothing more.

I can’t explain it but I’ve always wondered and worried if he was ok. I’m observant and I guess he used to tell me the negative things so I was worried. I know he’s said in the past “I don’t need saving, Lillie.” I can’t save him or anyone. I just can’t explain it. Why the desire to comfort someone. Not be his mother though. Maybe it’s a trauma bond.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I found a way to login again. I'm debating on connecting this account to my main. My, oh my, have I grown as a person. <3

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I lost this page some time ago, but I found it once again. I read through some of my old posts and I’m truly grateful for my growth.

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I’m in a heterosexual relationship, but I used to question when I got to college if I was bisexual. I just kept that to myself. I was uncomfortable of the thought and I could definitely see why people are “in the closet.” But now, I start to think I may just be asexual? Like I find men and women attractive, but I usually don’t have a desire to actually have intercourse. Like some days, yeah I want sex. But I don’t NEED to. Or maybe it’s a sign that I’m no longer attracted to my boyfriend? I’m so confused.

[before-fame]

[b-a-b-y-g-i-r-ll]

http://fashionkilllaaz.tumblr.com/

[solmazsaberi]

[b-a-b-y-g-i-r-ll]

http://fashionkilllaaz.tumblr.com/

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

I think I lost a follower. Haha! I'm never on this account anyway...so it doesn't hurt my feelings. 

[wordsbeneathmyskin]

So...my boyfriend's ex snapchatted me this morning. It was a picture of her lying down in the bed. Mm...my friends and I thought she was bi or a lesbian and that's why she broke up with my boyfriend. Maybe we were right?..

[greaterthanmono]

Why do you insist on saying you're mixed?

Why do you insist on making me monoracial?