wordsforthelilies

They/Them | 20 | GMT + 1

[wordsforthelilies]

January

closing my eyes used to be simple.

now it’s neon lights and camera flashes;

red eyes caught in the sphere of a flame

and the crackle in your morning voice

like charcoal ripping itself to shreds.

The colour of your fingertips painted, red,

flushed expression in bed-

now it’s the way your lips parted in a question,

answers i’ll never have about the

poems you wrote for me

and the poems you write for her.

closing my eyes used to be painful.

but opening them again and not seeing you in front of me

is the best thing i’ve felt since January

[wordsforthelilies]

glass

my head is splitting

with the shards of a broken love

pieces of you caught to my skull

like barbed wire

wrapped, like something vicious and ruthless and vile and cutting,

and this pain may be temporary but not temporary enough so

i’ll be crawling, clawing the ground, reaching out to whatever can numb this hurt

and my hands settle over an empty bottle as i realise

i’m not finding hope sober, not this time.

so i’ll see you next week when i remember how to handle myself again.

[wordsforthelilies]

how to kill a lover

how could you?

mírame: tell me again that you don’t believe love is real.

tell me again, while i’m pouring my blood over paper you’ll never read

tell me again, while i’m standing here loving you so quietly,

grieving the loss of you before you’re even gone,

tell me again, what i feel is just chemicals, even when i walk home in the rain and with each pace i’m saying i love you, i love you, i’d do anything-

tell me, tell me when i look to the sky and beg nobody in particular to not take you away from me, that this feeling isn’t love

tell me again, tell me again, but remember each time you speak you’re killing me

[wordsforthelilies]

your silence makes my ears bleed

If only you held your breath

as if it were a brief pause; anticipating

the moment your thoughts fill the room.

Thoughts of anything. Anything at all.

Just talk. Just tell me what’s in your head.

I need to understand you.

Stop darting your eyes around the room and stop

focusing on your hands, you won’t find answers in the creases of your palm.

I’m burning for you to speak. Look at me, look at me. Say something.

[wordsforthelilies]

bitter sunlight

she is cities away from

tolerance

skyscrapers settle on the horizon

heat surfing a blurred wave

of the tip of buildings

necks tilted, jugulars vulnerable

slicing the clouds with a jagged blade

she’ll catch on every vein.

your hollow glass towers are no match against the sun;

she’ll blind you with a kiss that burns through monuments and

charred eyelashes;

blackened envy

it bites you to the blink.

[wordsforthelilies]

porcelain conceit

i don’t breathe for you

i don’t owe you a smile

i won’t bear the weight of your ego on my

frail shoulders i won’t

grit my teeth and hold my

tongue when you speak over me

i won’t. 

your comfort isn’t my responsibility.

come here, darlin’ let me

see that pretty face;

give me a smile,  let me see it come here,

come here, come.

i’m your babe when i conform and a bitch when i don’t?

i’m your honey when i’m sweet but you can’t handle the sting?

i’ll make your bones snap at the shrill

delicate arrogance, you’ll choke at the hands of my voice

fragile esteem, i’m far beyond sympathy for you.

[wordsforthelilies]

how do i tell myself goodbye

it’s getting close to the end, now

i have no objections

reaching my hands into the light

there’s gold on my fingertips

choking on a whisper in my throat 

telling me: go, go

it’s your time

i’m open to the close

so i hold my breath for the last time

hugged it tightly to my chest

and prayed i love you, goodbye

and in my peace i see Nobody’s Name

i’ll carry myself in this journey

alone

[wordsforthelilies]

Take Me With You Into the Ground Where the Stars Live

i know you’re an illusion but i want nothing less than to hold your heart

cold, heavy, raw in my palms

and promise you that i'll hold it forever

until my fingertips start to decay

and the smell of you is gone from my room

and the laundry we left out to dry

is ruined by the rain

caught in a cycle of life and death until someone comes along, plucks us from the ground

and shakes the dust of our dialogue long forgotten

and someone else has to decide, where to bury us;

under the moon or among the stars?

-

all that matters is that

there was a time i held your heart

and you held mine

and that moment is held by the sky in its little collection of memories

-

i won't remember us when i'm gone

i won't remember how it felt to be kissed by the sun

nobody will

it's okay.

-

please remember to take the laundry in

i left a note on our fridge for you

don't stare at it too long; the words will become blurry

and i want you to remember me clearly, my love.