Kara's thoughts

Unless it's specifically IC, all thoughts here are OOC!

[wordsofadiak-blog]

So.

I did it.

I told Ariel how I felt about him and he of course turned me down.

And I'm crying.

But that was to be expected, wasn't it? I knew it would happen.

I guess part of me had some hope.

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So in order to help Ariel, you want me to rat his secrets out? I can't do that. And he's the only one whose secret I know.

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3 things I want?

A divorce from him. Something to stop him from getting into my life again, preferably with a restraining order. I'm always scared he's going to find me again and remind me of our stupid thing.

Ariel to be kept safe. I know he's running from someone. I just want to make sure this guy doesn't find him again so that he won't live in fear anymore. Because I know what that's like.

A way for ATL to be happy. All of us. Because I know Alex has fought with Rian, with Grieco, with Jack and Ariel. Maybe I'm the only one he hasn't yet fought with. I just don't want this strain to be put among them all.

That's all I want. Please.

[wordsofadiak-blog]

I'm Just Trying To Be, The Best Me I Can Be || F2Y2D Task

I try to live my life by quotes like these. To think positively is what I try to do. Everything that life bounces at me, I will look at it in a positive way. At least, I’ll try.

I’ll try to be kinder to people, more compassionate to those who can’t. Stronger to what life gives me. Trying to be the best person I can be. For there’s really no point to life if you can’t make it enjoyable for others. You can’t be given a life full of privileges and not share it with others. I’m an American girl who has a lot more freedoms than some others. So I have to count my blessings every day, and reach out to those that need it.

I have a job that means I get to hang with my best friends from high school. I might not be here forever, but it’s giving me privileges. I get to see the world and watch rock shows from the distance. So I need to decide to be kinder, more compassionate, stronger. Give back to the world from what it’s given me. I need to be the best person I am to make the most out of life.

I need to not let what happened to me stop me from this. I may regret it, but I’m strong. I can handle what he throws at me. I’m kind. I can still be nice to all his viciousness. I can be more compassionate. I can sympathise a little that he had to go to such lengths to be with someone like he did. Well. At least I’m trying. I can be the best person I am. I can find the person I wanna love. 

[wordsofadiak-blog]

So you're running from someone.

Me too. Except not for the reasons you are.

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Fest is always a relief. He can't see me unless he has a ticket and even then I'm usually busy with other people.

It's when I'm home that I get nervous...

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I have feelings for you. Those are the words that keep swirling around my head, the ones that I keep thinking whenever I see you or talk to you in any way. My heart always seems to a little flip whenever I see you, and I'm not even going to go into what you talking about dinner with me did to it. But I can't do anything about it. Because Ariel, I know you'd never look twice at me. I'm not a boy. I'm not who you're interested in. I'll always be the big sister to you. 

Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe having feelings for someone I can't have means that John can't find out. It means that he can't come and fuck up a relationship again. I so desperately want him out of my life and out of my private files and all of that. But I can't push him away, no matter how hard I try. This has to be the millionth time I've told myself "I wish I hadn't got as drunk as I did that night". It's so stupid and I hate myself for it. I just hope I can find a way out at some point. I need it. 

This fest is something I'm so excited for. I'm going to be on a cruise with the people I love most, and get to hang around and relax in the sun at the same time. I don't even KNOW how I'm meant to sell merch on a cruise ship, but I'm sure fest has something planned. Even if I can't enjoy myself romance wise, I can enjoy my career. And that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to look on the positive side of life. That's what I do.

Love, 

Kara xoxo