edit: this was in my drafts. not sure when it’s from. i’m glad i don’t feel this way anymore.
last night i was completely upended by. stranger's words. someone i know nothing about, who knows nothing about me.
i hate the phrasing "[he/she/you] made me feel bad," because ideally we would all be in control of our emotions and nobody can really make you feel anything.
the english language is so limiting and so is typing with your thumbs.
i spent the day feeling like shit, thinking of all the reasons why i am shitty and how i have nothing to say if someone asks me what's new or what i'm up to. i don't feel proud of anything i've done. i've half assed my way through most things. i am afraid that any project i've completed has been driven by the desire to be productive and not to create or express myself. i disappoint myself in many ways. i am lazy and cut corners.
i feel like i am at the longest red light or that i am trudging through weeds with a dull scythe. i haven't learned anything new in years.
i feel like i've actually declined in talent since i was a teenager.
but i have to go on, right? granted, my lows are not as low as they could be.
maybe due to vanity. how much of ‘going on’ is lying to yourself?
is remaining positive the greatest hypnotist trick? the alternative is to stop and give up. i am aware that concern over my creativity is an extremely privileged stance to take. many people do not have the resources that i do.
origamiaround
2087
prguitarman
titsay
