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I’m Sarah, and this is my word vomit catch-all.

[letyourbeautyflow]

I am learning to let the sunlight fill all the spaces I’ve been cracked open.

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maybe love was just another four letter word in his vocabulary

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I drank you out of my head and called it forgetting but not forgiving. I kissed all the wrong boys and called it progress but not moving on.

S.K.

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Repeat after me: “I’ll get there.”

— six words for life and love and loss

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1. Somewhere between chasing red lights out of that town and chasing vodka to forget him, you found yourself wishing for that Tuesday night again, just so you could slam the door in his face a second time. 2. It’s not something you focused on much, the way he drove with both hands on the wheel, but when you take that shortcut–the one he showed you down River Street–you wonder if the muscles in your brain will ever stop trying to paint his face onto the back of your eyelids. 3. You were never the type of girl to get lost in her head, but when you drunkenly wandered to the top of that parking garage, you imagined he was lying next to you on the cold cement like it was still April, and he was still the boy with crystal blue eyes who planned on sticking around. 4. You wrote a letter telling him everything you could never say out loud, stuffed it in the back pocket of his favorite Levi’s, and prayed to God he wouldn’t find it until you were 600 miles away. 5. When he called you before your flight to Minneapolis, you told him, “I can’t unwrite the words I’ve spent the last three months trying to forget.” 6. You wished on a shooting star the night after he said, “There are only two kinds of people who act on such meaningless notions: kids with naive hearts and people who have nothing left to believe in.” 7. Last Spring, you drove three hours north with your mom, and while you stood in the middle of a tulip field, you wanted nothing more than to replant the one he picked for you next to the river because something so beautiful never deserved to die so unfairly.

S.K. | running (via write-blankpage)

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You are a wave, Coming and going in all its glory, Pulling me under again. But you are fickle, And I cannot be the shore you come back to, Just to watch you go again.

S.K. | again

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When you’re falling apart in the middle of a hurricane, you think,  time could never fix this, time will never heal the whiplash, it could never erase the pain. But one day you’ll walk down 5th Avenue with your head held high. You'll see your reflection in a storefront window, and you’ll find that the aftermath of the storm is rebuilt a little stronger. You don’t need that neck brace anymore, and the scars that used to run down your arms and all across your heart are barely noticeable. That’s when you’ll realize people aren’t lying when they say it takes time, but you’ll heal. It’s not just another bullshit concept made up by therapists to make money off of you by the hour. It’s not something your mom feels obligated to say; it’s the truth. And when you take a step back to compare your then to your now, six months doesn’t seem so long in the grand scheme of it all.

S.K | aftermath

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There’s no time limit on getting over him. Loss doesn’t expire. Four and a half months later, I still hear his voice in passing strangers, and the sound of his name is dynamite, blasting every breath from my lungs. You never really get over it, you just learn to go without. The memory of the person I thought he was is arthritis in my heart, and it doesn’t hurt all the time, but when the air gets cold and the wind picks up, my bones ache and it feels like he’s leaving again and again and again. There’s no time limit on getting over him, but each day gets easier. Tomorrow you won’t see his face in the boy who asks if the seat next to you on the bus is taken, and next week you’ll stop thinking of all the things you can’t wait to tell him later because you never really get over it, you just learn to go without.

S.K. | I'm still losing you

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1. Somewhere between chasing red lights out of that town and chasing vodka to forget him, you found yourself wishing for that Tuesday night again, just so you could slam the door in his face a second time. 2. It’s not something you focused on much, the way he drove with both hands on the wheel, but when you take that shortcut–the one he showed you down River Street–you wonder if the muscles in your brain will ever stop trying to paint his face onto the back of your eyelids. 3. You were never the type of girl to get lost in her head, but when you drunkenly wandered to the top of that parking garage, you imagined he was lying next to you on the cold cement like it was still April, and he was still the boy with crystal blue eyes who planned on sticking around. 4. You wrote a letter telling him everything you could never say out loud, stuffed it in the back pocket of his favorite Levi’s, and prayed to God he wouldn’t find it until you were 600 miles away. 5. When he called you before your flight to Minneapolis, you told him, “I can’t unwrite the words I’ve spent the last three months trying to forget.” 6. You wished on a shooting star the night after he said, “There are only two kinds of people who act on such meaningless notions: kids with naive hearts and people who have nothing left to believe in.” 7. Last Spring, you drove three hours north with your mom, and while you stood in the middle of a tulip field, you wanted nothing more than to replant the one he picked for you next to the river because something so beautiful never deserved to die so unfairly.

S.K. | running

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I could’ve loved you, you know.

six word story #20

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I sleep easier knowing I can look forward to seeing you in my dreams.

S.K. | Alex

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I found myself in letting go.

six word story #19

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1. Plans fall through. 2. Grocery shopping is more expensive than you’d think. 3. You spend years wishing your parents would get off your back, but you'll realize they were the only ones who ever had your back to begin with. 4. Drama will follow you everywhere you go, but it's your decision to let it bother you or not. 5. People change, including you. 6. Not everyone keeps the promises they make. 7. The one who said forever will walk out of your life. You can live without them. 8. Sometimes you’ll miss the feeling more than the person. 9. Forgiveness isn't easy, but it's necessary. 10. It’s okay to be selfish. If something is not growing you, stop watering it and cut off the branches. 11. When he calls you drunk after 3 months, it’s okay to ignore him and delete the voicemail; you are not obligated to hear his voice just because you two have history. 12. When a person acts like they don’t care, believe that they don’t because if they do, you’ll never have to question it. 13. If something feels wrong, it probably is; trust your gut. 14. You deserve more than what he never gave; don’t sell yourself short of anything but the best. 15. People come and go; some are rest stops, some are destinations. 16. Apologizing for things you shouldn’t be sorry for can become a habit, and eventually it’ll swallow you whole; just don’t. 17. Sleep is a temporary escape from reality; it’s okay to take advantage of that sometimes. 18. Growing up doesn’t mean you can’t have fun-shaped Mac & Cheese; it just means you have to buy it yourself. It costs the same as boring Mac & Cheese, so indulge yourself once in a while. That goes for everything else, too. 19. Life is too short for watered-down coffee and boys who make you feel less than you are. 20. Sometimes you just need your mom.

S.K. | 20 things I learned before I turned 20

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Silly girl, you were so afraid of losing someone who was never afraid of losing you, and you lost yourself in the process; that’s just the beginning.” "The truth is," he said, "you’ll end up hurting yourself a hell of a lot more than not if you keep burning yourself for the ones who can’t find their own light." "Now, you’ve got to outshine the others and reinvent yourself as the indestructible soul you’re meant to be. You’ve got to promise me you’ll burn bright, but only for you. A melted candle cannot be re-lit, so please," he whispers, "please promise me you’ll stop trying to save the unsavable.

S.K  |  an expert from my book-in-progress

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I lost myself in loving you.

Six word story #18

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Plot twist: I got over you.

Six word story #17  

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Out of sight, out of mind, right? That’s what they say anyway, but the thing with you being gone is that I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve heard absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I bet the person who discovered this concept was broken to pieces by someone similar to you. Don’t tell me you know distance  until you are standing in front of the person you can’t live without, and he’s telling you about the way your hair glistens like honey in August, and he’ll never forget the way your hands were never cold, not even in January.  But the only thing you hear is 'I don’t love you anymore.' And he goes on and on about how it’s not fair to you and your head is spinning and your hands finally go cold and you’re hoping you misheard him or maybe he accidentally strung the words together wrong . Yesterday I woke up next to you, and today you woke up alone and realized I was no longer lovable, or maybe you realized you were never capable of love, but when I told you I liked surprises, that wasn’t permission for you to leave.

S.K. | an excerpt from my book-in-progress