It Will Get Done

For Harley, Antoni, and Jensen. For Nichelle, Ashlyn, and Theodore.

[writingwithcolor]

Black Latinx with a white stepfather

I lurk this tumblr daily because I’m a wannabe writer and I finally figured I would submit my own profile because I love to write fantasy but for the vastness of their worlds, they are strangely lacking in the diversity department. Even story either has an all white cast or everyone assumes everyone is white (looking at Hunger Games fans)

Beauty Standards Deeply, deeply affected me. I grew up around my step dad’s white family and they constantly made comments about my “bushy” hair and darker skin. I’m not as dark as my mother or brother, so I cannot imagine how this affected them. When I was a teenager, the emo/scene look was in and I fried my hair to hell every single day trying to get it straight and my white friends would still comment that it was “frizzy” and like “wool.” When I was in the 9th grade, a girl I considered my best friend passed me a note where I was drawn very much in the image of Looney Tunes cartoon in blackface with a comically extended rear end. Everyone laughed. She showed everyone. Two years later, the girls in my youth group gathered around and named something beautiful about every girl. They said there was nothing about me.

For the record, I love my beautiful healthy Afro now and my big hips and thighs, I also love my dark brown eyes and lips.

Clothing Ever since I was allowed to dress myself I’ve always been some type of alternative. I’m a black wearing bookish type now, and I’ll rock a leather jacket just as soon as I’ll rock a black turtleneck. I like my skirts long but my shirts cropped and my jeans like a second skin.

Culture Just an average American family honestly. I wasn’t in touch with my Puerto Rican roots because my father was the Puerto Rican one and I never knew him. I’m learning more about myself every single day and my culture, but I grew up just like a lot of average middle class Americans. The one exception is when I see my black family in Mississippi. They’re very average also, but family is very important to that side and we eat different food lol!

Daily struggles Black pride in a white conservative family. I struggle to eloquently explain my point of view when my family rallies around Donald Trump. I struggle to explain that racism isn’t always overt and that most people make subtle comments but poc know what they mean when they say them. My Black family also has certain expectations, like marriage and kids, that I refuse to adhere too. Church is very important to my traditional Black family but I’m an atheist and also pansexual.

Dating and Relationships Right now I don’t date anything but my work!

Micro-aggressions “Can I touch your hair?” “Is your butt real?” When people — mainly men — assume I’m more sexually experienced than someone else When people assume my taste in music based on my skin tone — I’ll rock out to Tupac and Arctic Monkeys the same night

Things I’d like to see less of The black woman being a stand in until the white heroine comes along Aesthetic art featuring the elusive white blonde woman Black/Latinx/poc men being used as a woman’s (specifically white, sorry) passage to the dark side

Things I’d like to see more of Female best friends Queer love stories Afro latinxs! More than one woman in a fantasy Interracial love! (Not always black and white though, please!)

Tropes/Stereotypes I’m tired of seeing. Single black mothers The black woman being a strong, fierce warrior Black sidekicks White Manic Pixie Dream Girls White saviors “Not like other girls” “Bad boys”

[writingwithcolor]

Caring for natural (curly) hair in a setting with no access to modern hair products

So it’s the apocalypse. Your curly-haired character is on the run.They find themselves on a sudden adventure in a strange world.  It’s the whatever-eth century and they’re in an environment that doesn’t exactly accommodate curly, coily haired types. 

Either way, manufactured hair products are far and few between, or they’re simply not made for afro hair. Considering how your Black character handles their hair in this environment makes their circumstances more realistic and relatable.

Topics Featured in this Guide:

Hair Products found in Natural Environment

Hair Oils - Benefits and How To Extract

Protective Hair Techniques & Styles

Curly Hair Types & Hair Needs

Hair Routine Samples

Hair Straightening 

FAQ

There is a writing takeaway at the end of each topic. 

Brief descriptions provided after images. Contact me for fully accessible version.

Hair Products found in Natural Environment 

Consider the essential needs of afro hair: water and fat.

Water (or liquid) is essential for nourishing the hair. 

Fat (hair oils, creams, butters) is essential for both growth and protection.

Many curly-haired folks already use natural resources and plants to care for their hair - aka DIY hair-care. So characters concocting their own products should not be a strange concept. (I personally buy most of my natural hair products, and create my own hair masks, protein treatments, and oil blends.)

What they could use would depend on environment, time, and availability. 

Hair Healthy Produce 

Coconut - The all-purpose hair aid with multi forms, from oil to solid cream. Hardens in cold weather; best not to use when environment has freezing temps. Banana - Typically removed after use (hair masks, conditioners) Avocado -  Applied as hair products, masks, and oils. Strawberry - Mashed and applied directly to hair or mixed with oils.

Hair Healthy Proteins, Plants, Fats

Eggs - Hardens when dry. Strong odor. Removed after use. (protein masks) Honey - Pulls moisture from air into hair - avoid during the dry winter! Shea Nuts -  Made into shea butter. All-purpose hair and body care. Flaxseed - Gel made by boiling & straining flax seeds. Many DIY videos online.

Hair Healthy Herbs and Flora

Hibiscus - Sebaceous = oil-producing gland. Flowers crushed into paste or oil. Peppermint - Can rub out oil from leaves. Often used in oil form on scalp. Lavender - Often used as an oil directly applied to the scalp, or brewed as tea. Rosemary - Often combined with olive oil in use with hair; can be used alone. 

More Hair Healthy Herbs and Flora

Aloe Vera - Succulent. Can extract sap directly from leaf and apply like gel.  Burdock - Contains essential fatty acids and phytosterol compounds. Dandelion - Can use the roots, stems, leaves and sap for hair and skin. Rose - Common use is rose water: steep roses in boiling water to create.

Hair Healthy Products (rare or require effort to make/find)

Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) - Diluted before use and often washed out after. Bentonite Clay - Aged volcanic ash. Combined with ACV for best activation. Oils - Key component for sealing moisture. See the next discussion. Yogurt - Base of many DIY hair products like masks and deep conditioners.

Oils for Hair 

Oil is a key component to afro hair care. It nourishes and seals in moisture. Let’s discuss common hair oils and extraction methods that could, more likely, be done using homemade or historical equipment. 

Oil Extraction

If oils aren’t readily available to purchase, the person would need to find or create tools to either extract the oil via pressing or heat the nuts or seeds. Consider the basic tools that have been around since ancient times. For example, the mortar and pestle. What creative use can be made out of existing tools in the person’s environment? 

Hair Oils and Benefits  (by potential ease to extract.)

Coconut Oil, Castor Oil, Almond Oil, Olive Oil, Avocado and Grapeseed Oil. 

FYI: These aren’t the only methods or necessarily professional means of extraction. I also left off hair-healthy oils that seemed complicated to extract without high-grade equipment. So, this isn’t an all-inclusive list of oil or methods. 

Natural Hair Product Creation

So what exactly would your character create? Here’s some natural hair products and potential main ingredients. May be used alone or combined. 

Leave-in moisturizers: Plain water, coconut water, rose water

Leave-in creams: (protect/style) honey, shea, aloe vera, flaxseed, flora

Hair Cleansing Conditioner: plant water, coconut, honey, light oils

Hair Rinse/Co-wash: Apple cider vinegar, coconut, brewed tea water

Hair Masks: Mashed fruits, yogurt, proteins (eggs), clay, honey

DIY Recipe Search: Try keywords like “DIY natural hair” + “curly hair” “Afro hair” or search all natural hair products and read over the ingredient list. Try small home business and independent sellers (Like etsy)

More Sources:

15 DIY Hair Recipes for Almost Every Step in Your Regimen

14 Homemade Leave-in Conditioner Recipes

Best DIY Recipes for Naturally Curly Hair

Product Storage:

Most homemade products last everywhere from a few days - weeks

Extend the life of spoil-prone products via the cooling system in the work.

Honey does not spoil. Be mindful if it’s mixed with spoil-prone ingredients.

Oils can usually be kept at room temperature and last a long time.

Keeping a small bit of ready made supply may prove time-efficient. If impossible, they may opt to use products that don’t require much time and effort, and are worth their time to make in small batches or to potentially dispose of after.

Writing Takeaway - Natural Product/Oils Creation  

With just the above compounds, I can see creative naturals being able to create styling products and moisturizing leave-ins, shampoos, conditioners and hair masks.

Do consider the following:

How simple or complex can their regimen be?

Would they rely more on protective hair styles in their situation?

What is the natural environment: what products are accessible?

How will they store products or must they make a new batch each use?

Can items be purchased by craftsmen or found in abandoned locations?

Can they afford to use edible plants if food is scarce? Food scraps and non-edible plants (like the flora) might be what they rely on.

What are their specific hair care needs? -Discussion on this later-

Natural Hair and Styling 

LOC Method as base style

Moisture, sealing in the moisture, and protection are the basic needs for natural hair. The Liquid, Oil, and Cream (LOC) Method, or a variation of the steps, fulfills those basic needs. It can be treated as both a care routine and a style in itself. Personally, if my hair is not in a protective style, I use it every week.

Liquid - Liquid opens hair cuticles to allow moisture to enter hair strands.

Oil - Once cuticles are opened, the oil penetrates hair & seals in moisture.

Cream - Cream further locks in the moisture, and can be used as a styling agent as well to shape and define curls.

Should you use the “LOC method” by name in your work?  

A modern setting? Sure. But don’t assume readers know what it means.

A fantasy setting? Probably not, unless earth and its terms carry over. 

A historical setting? No. It is a newly coined term. 

Protective Hair Styles

Protective hairstyles protect the hair by tucking ends away from the elements. For example, heat, air, hand and fabric manipulation. While not forever solutions (except maybe locs which are a permanent style) there’s many benefits to your character’s wearing them.

Benefits:

Hair growth retention

Saves time styling hair

Helps prevent damage and keep hair healthy

Ideal for any natural (the best style itself may depend on hair type)

Lessens hair’s need and dependence on moisture and hair products

Eliminates some hair maintenance activities (such as detangling)

Considerations:

Hair more difficult to wash and dry thoroughly. 

Dryness (unable to access all tucked away hair to moisturize)

Styles kept in too long accumulates dead skin and product build up.

Uninstalling styles can be time consuming, and should be done gently.

Style gets frizzy from growth overtime and/or getting soaked in water.

Protective Styles Short-term (lasting days to weeks)

Afro puff(s) or bun(s)

Back Tuck or Roll and Tuck

Bantu knots

French roll  

Pompadour

Roller set

Two-strand twists

Wash and go (low manipulation style)

Protective Styles Long-term (lasting weeks to months+)

Braids (endless styles and patterns. Typically smaller braids last longer)

Cornrows

Dreadlocks/locs (permanent style, research the hair care)

Extensions

Flat Twists /Twists

Head wraps and hats (endless wrapping styles, colors and patterns!)

Wigs (unless glued, hair maintained underneath or often put in braids)

Writing Takeaway - Protective Hairstyles

Protective styles are an amazing way to protect the character’s hair and would very likely be the go-to for any natural in an uncertain or fast-paced environment. Just in everyday life they’re highly worn so it would especially be the case! Just remember the character needs to eventually undo whatever protective style they have installed to do some hair maintenance (washing, detangling, etc) and give their strands a rest. Also, even hair in protective styles need some attention.

Curly Hair Type and Associated Needs

Determining your hair type is important to knowing its needs. Certain ingredients work best for certain hair types. However everyone is unique and there are more factors to consider than just curl pattern (Also, most curly folks cross into a mix of hair types). There is hair thickness (width & density) and how much moisture and product your hair absorbs (porosity) to consider as well. 

I will only cover curl pattern and the commonly associated needs here. To learn more about porosity, width, and density check out the FAQ under the read more.

naturallycurly.com is a great resource and is the source for the images, terms, and information provided below. 

Curly Twirly (3A) 

Defined loopy “S” pattern. Curls well defined and springy. Big, loose and shiny. Size: Sidewalk chalk size. Best Products:  Gels and creams with light moisture and curl definition.

Curly Spirally (3B) 

Well-defined, springy copious curls that range from bouncy ringlets to tight corkscrews. Size: Sharpie size. Best Products:  Gels and styling creams with extra moisture and frizz control.

Curly Kinky (3C) 

Voluminous, tight corkscrew curls. Either kinky or very tightly curled, with lots of strands densely packed together. The very tight curls are usually fine in texture. Size: Pencil. Best Products:  Styling creams, butters, and oils. Needs gentle care.

Coily Springy (4A) 

Well-defined “S” Pattern. Tight, coily, and the most fragile curls. Size: Crochet Needle or smaller.

4A Best Products & Tips: Styling creams, butters, and oils. 

Clarify scalp with tea tree or jojoba oil during washes

This hair needs extra moisture and tender care

Be gentle when handling and detangling hair to avoid stress & breakage

Use thick moisturizers like mango and shea butters to maximize styles

Coily Crimpy (4B)  

Less-defined “Z” Pattern. Tight, coily fragile curls. Hair bends at sharp angles.

4B Best Products & Tips:  Styling creams, butters, and oils.

Add moisturizing oils before washing (pre-poo/pre-shampoo) with coconut or castor oil to help retain the natural oils in scalp

Do heat-free styles on stretched hair for maximum definition and less frizz

Air-dry hair whenever possible, or use soft cloth to gently dry.

Terry cloth will strip hair’s natural moisture and cause tension on strands 

Coily Ziggly (4C) 

Tight, coily, fragile curls. Curl pattern won’t clump without styling. Little to no visible definition.

4C Best Products and Tips:  Styling creams, butters, and oils.

Use a cleansing conditioner with slippery elm or marshmallow root

Use a creamy humectant [like honey] as a leave-in to maximize protection

A curl defining custard or gel can stretch the coils safely for styled looks

Read the full guide here: Curly Hair Guide: What’s YOUR Curl Pattern?

Writing Takeaway - Hair type and needs

While hair type is just the start of all the intricacies of natural hair needs, it’s definitely a good start. There are other important parts to consider for real life naturals, but going off from hair type and the commonly associated needs should be enough for a story. (But read the FAQ under the read more to keep learning)

Do not get lost in the details, especially for a story that won’t need to cover tons of it. Learn enough to know what you’re talking about and can describe hair care accurately for situations that would affect hair.

Writing Takeaway - Overall:

You don’t have to be lavish in detail, but acknowledging how hair is handled here and there or in a dedicated section is thoughtful and satisfying to see included. It’s also a neutral way to show race without the use of micro-aggressions or racism. Finding the time and means for proper hair care would be a part of their life and potentially a stumbling block on the adventure, so mentioning how hair is handled during these circumstances is a fine idea. 

It’s also a great means for representation.

–Mod Colette

Additional Info:

The following information will be nestled under the read more:

Hair Routine Samples - One super simple and one complex hair routine 

Hair Straightening - Not ideal to maintain in survival situations, but also was a means of survival and daily living during some historical contexts

FAQ - Would any of this matter during the apocalypse? And what about natural products that attract bugs? Plus more.

Keep reading

[write-out-of-mind]

I'm so excited to read it all

[nordicsublime]

Snowdrops -  photo by Mogens Kusk

[ask-bot]

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

[welcomedhappiness]

That you cannot fax money to someone.

[kurumawer]

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

[jungle-plastic]

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

[asoulgonesince2002]

When I was a kid, I faxed my dad’s satellite office drawings of horses. I had watched my father send so many faxes that I had the process memorized. Except, for some reason I thought that I could fax things to grandma. I put in the numbers for the office every time, but was convinced that the faxes were going to grandma. I also didn’t think to inform my parents that I was doing this.

My dad visited the satellite office (three hour drive) one day and discovered their conference room white board absolutely covered in my drawings. The guys thought it was adorable that I sent drawings and letters to them, and didn’t tell my dad because they knew he’d stop me.

[pizzaalle]

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

[lady-averie]

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing

[wapiti3]

Moths in nature:  

By Robert, Paul-A. Publication infoNeuchatel and Publishing Delachaux Niestlé, its 1934.Contributing Library:University of Illinois Urbana ChampaignBIODIV LIBRARY

[authors-haven]

ANNOUNCEMENT: I am now accepting editing commissions!

Hi guys!

Firstly, I apologize for being MIA lately. I’m in the home stretch of my senior year of high school, and things have been busbusybusy. However, a lot of cool things have been going on as well, one of those things being that I set up a PayPal and a Venmo, which means I can now accept editing commissions!

If you have a piece or pieces you would like me to look over, my email is [email protected]. When editing, I will look over:

Syntax/flow (if your story flows well)

Grammar (punctuation, staying within one verb tense, capitalization, etc.)

Word choice/order (if I feel something may sound better if the order of words is rearranged or if one word were switched out for another, I’ll make a note of it, and from there you can decide what to do)

General notes (anything in your writing I came across that struck me as needing fixing; for example, if you use an abundance of adverbs, or one of your character’s actions feels out of character, or a certain scene feels clunky, etc.)

HOW MUCH WILL I CHARGE?

I will be charging $2 a page. To regulate prices, I will accept all commissions in 12-point Times New Roman font. If your document is not in 12-point Times New Roman font, I will change it to such upon receipt. After I have been paid, you can change it back if you so choose - the regulation is solely for ease and standardization.

WHAT TYPES OF WRITING WILL I BE ACCEPTING COMMISSIONS ON?

I will edit short fiction (nothing longer than 10,000 words), poetry, and short nonfiction (nothing longer than 5,000 words). However, my focus in this endeavor is primarily on fiction. (In addition, keep in mind that poetry is more difficult to edit - I venture to say I will mostly give feedback on poetry rather than edit it, per se.)

HOW SHOULD YOU SEND YOUR DOCUMENT?

Please share your document with me on Google Docs - that platform is easiest for me to comment and make notes on. Email me the doc and make sure my editing abilities are enabled.

WILL I EDIT YOUR DOCUMENT BEFORE I AM PAID?

No, I will not comment on, make notes on, or edit your document before I am paid. It is too easy for someone with intentions of deceiving me to receive my services and then not pay me. However, once you pay me first and I receive your payment, I will begin edits.

HOW SOON WILL YOUR DOC BE EDITED AFTER I AM PAID?

It depends on what I have going on at the moment, but if I haven’t returned your doc to you or emailed you that I’m finished editing your doc within one month, feel free to prod me with an email and I’ll finish it as soon as possible. If it has not been a month since you’ve paid me, please be patient.

My PayPal: abigailfd

My Venmo: abigailfd

My email for editing commissions: [email protected]

I’m very excited to have this opportunity! I look forward to doing business with any of you who find it useful.

[hanecdote]

[differenttypesofpeople]

Types of people: Book types

Novel: Daydreams a lot. Running through fields. Lifelong friendships. Wants to change the world. Great memory. Tactful. Fine details.Wears their heart on their sleeve.

Poetry: Soft eyes. Wistful smiles. Only a few close friends. Skinnydipping in the ocean. Late nights. Thinks too deeply. Tries too hard or not at all. Moves like they have all the time in the world. 

Short stories: Talks too fast. Wants to run away. Kissing in the dark. Quick touches. Falls in loves easily. Humming softly. Whispered secrets. Can’t stay in one place very long.

Dictionary: Overachiever. Probably plans their day out minute by minute. Hard worker. Reads too much for their own good. Bit of a know-it-all. Wants to be a teacher someday.

Comics: Short attention span. Fidgets a lot. Big imagination. Colourful clothes. Crooked grins. Making a statement. Fluffy socks. Printed t-shirts. Doesn’t think before they speak. 

Theory: Conspiracy theories. Long conversations. Midnight drives. Late nights. Circles under their eyes. Bites their nails. Gets worked up easily. Long rants in the middle of the night.

[write-out-of-mind]

Oh, new way to describe characters.

[write-out-of-mind]

Reblogging because I went over it with my friends in mind and it’s pretty much correct (as correct as this wide assumptions are.) Me and three of my friends, yes. And it’s crazy!

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

Just cut my manuscript down to 135,500 words from 163,000! I kept getting rejections from literary agents because of the sheer size of my book, and I was frustrated because I’d just cut it down from 204,000 words and didn’t think it was possible to shave it down even further.

It goes to show that there is always room for improvement! Now, Wings of Faith is primed and ready to go for submission, without all of the clutter of its last two versions.

[write-out-of-mind]

Best of luck!

Edit to say that the rest is for my followers and not the author above! As they are where I get most of my writing advise from.

This is something I struggle with on the day to day. Because, no matter how many edits, I usually find myself with more words than I started with. So I started breaking edits in to different groups.

One for grammar and spelling, then another for cleaning up scenes, and then working on the word count. It helps a lot

[lizard-is-writing]

Writing with Research

So I love a well-researched story. If I’m well versed in the topic, I get excited because the author is clearly as big of a nerd as I am, and if I’m not, I’m learning something new. (This is not to say fiction is the best way to learn about a topic, because, as much as I love it, I acknowledge liberties have been taken and things have been embellished.) So, how do you write a well-researched story? Honestly, it’s a lot harder than it looks.

Keep reading

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: Our group is meeting with the Great Gator is Wisdom, a 6 million year old alligator that knows all about the human gods and events in the world. We contact him because an old god, Nhul'Greth (pronounced Noolgrth) is coming into the world and we need to stop him. After feeding him, and getting our answers, we try to leave.

Paladin: Let’s go, we have what we need! Great gator: Have they done away with manners in the human world? Paladin: what? Great gator: No thank you, no farewell? Paladin: oh… erm… well thank you and… See you later alligator! Gator:

[scienceampersandfantasy]

[elfwreck]

Wtf is happening on Socotra Island? Is like someone made sure there was wood and flowers and green bits but failed to teach them How To Tree.

Oh wait; they also get cucumber trees:

Right. Note to self: Trees are social things. Like people, they get weird when they’re isolated for too long.

[boilingheart-archive]

[falling-rivers]

Oh my gosh I need this.

[drippingmoon]

I love you people

[write-out-of-mind]

@subjectdelta227

[sinobug]

MOTHS from Yunnan, China Click on and scroll through images for individual IDs….. by Sinobug (itchydogimages) on Flickr. Pu’er, Yunnan, China See more Chinese moths on my Flickr site HERE…..

[roselinbooks-deactivated2021032]

A Writing Reminder:

🌟 Your writing has value! 🌟 It’s okay if you’re too busy to write at the moment! 🌟 It’s okay if you want to take a break for a bit! 🌟 You’re going to be okay!

[wordsnstuff]

Guide To Writing Faded Love

WORDSNSTUFFBLOG.COM HAS NOW LAUNCHED!

– This is a thorough guide to writing love that has faded, either quickly or over time, and hopefully you romance writers will find it useful. There’s some general tips outlined, some common questions answered, and some resources linked at the bottom. Happy writing!

You can also find this article (and more) at wordsnstuffblog.com

Patreon // Ko-Fi || Masterlists || Work In Progress || Studyblr || Studygram

The Slow Reveal

It’s important to slowly reveal why the love faded, and the manner in which it did. Was it a slow, slippery fall into a routine of just.. not trying? Was it a quick burst of passion that lead to quick commitment and then ended up being extremely short? Reveal that to the reader, and do it carefully. Tug at their heartstrings, and make them feel it. Don’t reveal it too quick either. Show them the good days, and then show them rotting. It’s that much more bitter sweet that way.

Bring The Characters To Unpack The Big Issue

It’s important to remember that your story will actually read by real people, and whether or not you mean for it to, the story will send a message. It’s vital to keep in mind that no matter the ending to your lovers’ story, they need to be the ones to propel it. No exterior factor can fix or break a relationship. Financial struggle, infidelity, distance, difference, and betrayal are not the causes of a failed relationship, or a faded love. A good rule of thumb is to think “if this factor couldn’t bring the love back, then it couldn’t drive it away either”, and that will always bring you to the conclusion that the only thing that can resolve an issue is the lovers themselves.

Let The Characters Grow, Even If Apart

Not all faded love comes back. Not all faded love stays dull forever. What’s more important than the love returning, is the fate of those who felt it in the first place. Both characters should learn something important, and both characters should be on the path to where they’re meant to be by the end, even if that isn’t with each other.

Love Is A Choice, Not A Chance

I know this is a difficult thing to understand, especially with the way love it typically framed in fiction, but at the heart of every larger-than-life romance, is the choice that was made to conceive it. Love is preserved in the choices people make to keep it alive. There isn’t a person out there who would tell you that they had a perfect love story without any compromise or conscious decision to stay and conserve it. If the love has gone away, it’s not because the couple was unlucky, it’s because one or both of them made a choice. Explain what choice(s) that was and why it was made in the first place.

The Little Things Build Up

It is never one big event or argument or struggle that makes love fade. It’s lots of little things, that each partner overlooks because “it’s not a big deal”, “they’ll get over it”, or “we’ve been through worse and gotten through it”. Show this, and make it hit home. This is the time to insert relatability, and the time to make the reader reflect on their own relationship(s), past or present. 

Common Struggles

~ Couples who recognize early on that the fire is going out… There are three types of couples: the ones who try desperately to fix it before it gets critical, the ones who let it simmer and get worse, or the ones who give up immediately. Determine which type your couple is based on their personalities and motivations, then go from there.

~ Depicting faded love vs. evolved relationship dynamic… Faded love is just that. When two people love each other, it’s easy to tell that they’re more comfortable than they are bored or even unhappy. Show this through the little things, and through the way both parties react in mundane situations. 

For instance, when choosing a paint color, two people who love each other may bicker, but it would show that they’re both confident that no matter the outcome, it will be a compromise and that the tension won’t long because, in the end, it’s just paint. For a couple whose love has faded, the paint would act as a channel for bigger issues, and the argument wouldn’t really be about paint. That would show in the way their argument escalates.

~ Showing the confusion between love and infatuation… This isn’t always the case for faded love, and for the most part I’d say it usually isn’t because time passing is a major factor in this category of failed relationship, but two people failing to differentiate these two things can often lead to what is mistaken for faded love. Your love can’t fade if you were only ever infatuated with each other, so be careful in this territory. 

Stories that are meant to be about faded love, but are based on infatuation that went too far, often fall flat, and the necessary trends that are exclusively for faded love will leave a nasty taste in the reader’s mouth. Arguments between two people who loved each other, but now don’t, are completely different than ones between two people who thought they were in love, but never were. The latter often comes across as abuse, rather than tragic loss of true connection, because the tropes don’t work.

~ How do you show what love fading feels like?… You have to have experience, or have a really practical imagination. Simply, put yourself into different shoes, even if they’re yours from the past, and trust your instincts based on what you have been through. We all know someone who has experienced this in some form, if not ourselves, so don’t be ashamed of asking for others’ stories and recollection. Emotional research is just as valid as any other, and just like representing a mental illness, you will be representing this experience differently than anyone else has ever felt it, so accept that. 

~ Parents hiding their situation from the kids… This is a tricky one, because this area is where it gets real, and it starts insinuating aspects of your perspective. A lot of  why a lot of couples who don’t love each other stay together (realistically) is religion, traditional values, and shame. These are viewed very differently by any given reader, and is the easiest spot to push some buttons and accidentally push your personal voice through to the point of them noticing. 

That aside, I would approach this, like the emotional aspect, from an empathetic angle. Imagine how the kids would feel, how the tension would build, why it would build, how the parents would feel, how the parents’ interactions with the kids would be impacted, etc. Simply, put some time aside to think long and hard about this situation and all its implications.

~ How would a couple revive their love for one another?… That depends on the individuals in the relationship. As I said before, there are three ways a couple would respond to this, and the way they respond greatly impacts the way they would solve the issue. Some would fight for a while and wait for the love to just.. come back. Some would simply call it quits. Some would be in complete denial. You decide, and base it on the characters’ personalities and motivations. Not just what they want in general, but what they want out of the relationship, because whatever they have to fight for is what will determine they strategy they use to do so.

Resources

Angst Prompts

How To Make A Scene More Heartfelt

20 Mistakes To Avoid When Writing Young Adult Fiction/Romance

A Guide To Tension & Suspense In Your Writing

Writing Arguments Between Characters

Pros and Cons of Different Points Of View

Tips On Writing Intense Scenes

Resources For Romance Writers

Useful Writing ResourcesUseful Writing Resources II

Resources For Describing Emotions

Giving Characters Bad Traits

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[write-out-of-mind]

When someone insists upon calling someone by their 'birth certificate' name because it's their legal name and their chosen name is just a game or something 😣

Who the fuck cares? Unless you are working within the law and on duty, you can use the name they've chosen to go by. Kinda like how I don't call you the nickname I loved calling you because you don't like it.

Not your name. Not your choice. Not your place to chose.