Write Mind

three things you should know: 1. My grammer is not great 2. I cannot spell, and 3. I have a lot on my mind that I need to write out WELCOME TO WRITE MIND! It's a love letter, if you will.

[writemind]

Cheers to New Beginnings!

Happy New Year to you all!

Have you come up with any resolutions, are you taking any risks in 2026?

Resolutions are overrated. For me, I never stick to them. Life always interrupts my resolutions. Taking risks however, there is something enchanting about them. Taking a risk leads you to test boundaries and learn about yourself. Personally, it's trusting the universe, the higher power, and yourself for me. Putting faith in the hands of the unknown is daunting, but sometimes it's the right thing todo.

I have had a fight with my current routine for about 3 years now. I took a huge risk that I leaped to without thinking or taking certain things into consideration. I picked up and moved home for personal reasons that had a change of outcome that knocked me on my ass. I have fought the devil everyday since. I am surrounded by a negative aroma that reeks of "you are in the wrong place."

I decided in November 2025 that this year, 2026, I was going to take a huge risk and find myself. My last day at my job will be Saturday, February 14th. Yes, Valentines day. I am super excited and scared all at the same time. Oh, by the way, I do not have another job lined up and I have $1600 of monthly bills to pay.

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you know the decision you are going to make is dumb, but you have such a powerful pull to the decision that it feels like the right thing todo? That's me in this moment. This decision came with ease. I had a lot to consider. I put preparations into place to make sure I have crossed my T's and dotted my I's. I am so tired of living the life that I am certain is not for me.

My value is high and I am tired of being taken for granted. Whether it's by myself or others. Miss Taylor Swift had a lot to do with my decision to quit my job and find myself. I have been told my whole life that my passion for acting is not practical. That I need a position in a balanced and reliable career. This time is different. I choose not to listen to those people. They do not make my life choices or handle what consequences I have coming for me.

I was shocked to have found so much positive support from my family and friends after I told them what my first 4 months of 2026 will look like for me. I will never get to jump on opportunities, find myself, take time for my mental health, or get back into acting if I do not leave my job. My current routine is unhealthy. I give way more than 100% and I have nothing to really show for it. My team disrespects me (not my whole team, but it is a domino effect). I have new management that have disrespected me and offended me every way possible. My current routine: get up, take care of my animals, go to work, come home, take care of my animals, and go to sleep. Then, I wake up and do it all over again. Time stamps are not consistent. Sometimes, I don't get home until 3 a.m. because I am having to pick up slack at work to meet the demand of what is asked of myself and my team. I am contracted for 45 hours a week and I constantly work 50 - 60 hours with no over time. Yes, I am salary. My assistant manager and shift lead are constantly telling me to go home or overwork themselves so that I am not taking on one more task that other team members are more than capable of handling but always choose to leave for me todo. Literally, throws it in a box and leaves a note for me to do it.

My current life is unacceptable. It is not fair to me, my animals, my family (who constantly ask for me to spend time with them - but can't because of work), or my friends (who I give all my love to for sticking with me through the rough times). My health is poor. I have lost touch with my creative side, my hobbies, and myself. I know in my gut and in my heart that this is not the life I am meant to live. I know that I am destined for more. Therefore, I am going to go after the life I am meant to live. Risks are scary. This one screams at me that I have to do this if I want my life back. It oddly gives me a comforting feeling and not a negative one.

I have applied to many jobs since I have made my decision and I keep getting rejected. The main reason is because I am over qualified. When I no longer have a job, I will be calling around and going into businesses to speak with hiring managers. I have a plan. It is a good plan. Just might be a stupid one for now. Or it could be the best decision I have made as of yet.

Have you ever chose to quit your job and find yourself? If so, do you have any advice? - asking for a friend ;D

sincerely,

Writemind

Landslide (Remastered) by Fleetwood Mac on Apple Music

Song · 1975 · Duration 3:19

[writemind]

My handsome son, Dusty.

[writemind]

Take your time. Enjoy life in the moment.

[writemind]

i just need some quiet.

The storm in my mind will NOT slow down. If you experience any mental health as I do, you may understand the tsunami of thoughts and emotions that can fuck up your whole day. Episode after episode, and you still come out feeling as if the world finds you a silly person. Oh, and yes - I am medicated.

How do you channel your emotions when the world gets too loud? For me, it's been listening to music loud enough that I will definitely need hearing aids when I'm in my 50's. There is also dancing involved. I do have other grounding methods that are just as equally effective to me. I'll drink ice water, to know that I am real. Calling my safe contact to talk it out eases my pain. I'll take a shower and let the water run over my face and hair to drawn the world out. Snuggling with my cat, is always a go to when the quickness of my heart beat scares me. That is when my cat allows me the pleasure of laying down and decompressing with him.

There can be hours, days, months between "episodes". I call them episodes because it is literally like living a sitcom episode of chaos. So many emotions flying with physical feelings of pain, tingles or heaviness is a true shit show. They can come on as a trigger, stress, or with change - which is exactly what I'm going through.

Trying to find the right "happy cocktail" is a journey. If you are on your own mental health journey, I am sure you can relate. Feel free to share your story.

Long story long....

I have fought so much over the years. I first asked for help when I was 23 years old after shit went down with close family and being abused by my first sexual partner. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 10 years old. Lucky me, my genes fit. My parents divorce triggered it. However, it didn't become severe until witnessing an altercation that changed everything for me and my family. Then my dumb ass went and got in a situationship with someone I should have never encountered.

Honestly, at the time I hated myself. I hated the world. I didn't care who I hurt. I didn't care what destruction my actions caused. The family situation fucked with my head. I was numb and wanted to "escape". The person involved in the situationship with me wasn't exactly available. I hate myself for allowing that to happen.

I attempted to, you know, and failed due to my niece walking in on me. Her and my brother had just came home as I tried to act upon my emotions and hatred for myself at the time. I can successfully say that, although it has been a rocky road, I am in a healthier head space. I do have to take it one day at a time.

I have been in and out of therapy. I am a huge advocate for therapy. You do have to find your person, which can take some time. I have learned a lot about myself and grounding. Boundaries are my most favorite thing that I have learned. I did not start medication until about two years ago. I protested meds at first, but once my grandfather died and I moved back to a negative environment at home and work - I had a breaking point when I experienced my worst episodes that involved harming myself again. The inside of my skin was crawling as if my insides wanted to escape my skin. Needless to day, now I am medicated.

I don't know why I am sharing this. Actually, that's false. I felt writing would really help with tonights episode. Honestly, it has. I feel lighter and more calm. I just needed some quiet. I know what a silly person... am I right? It'll be okay either way. You're also going to be okay. Trust me, there are ups and there are downs. Ride it all out, your feelings are valid. You're doing great.

xo,

writemind

P.s. I am no writer. You're entitled to your own opinion. Pouring salt in my sugar won't make yours any sweeter.

[writemind]

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible'

Audrey Hepburn