Operation: Fix Bruce’s Love Life
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Summary: The kids discover Bruce once almost dated the reader (a family friend), and decide to set them up again. Their methods are absurdly over-the-top: fake dinner invites, “accidental” stakeouts, and staged emergencies. Alfred just quietly enables them.
It started, as most things in Wayne Manor did, with someone finding something they weren't supposed to.
Dick looked up from his phone to find Tim staring at a photo in the Manor's library, his expression somewhere between delighted and scandalized.
"Look at this." Tim held up a framed photograph that had been hidden behind several books. It showed a much younger Bruce Wayne, pre-Batman, maybe early twenties, with his arm around someone at what looked like a gala. He was smiling. Actually, genuinely smiling.
"That's them," Tim said. "Bruce's friend. The one who visits sometimes."
Dick took the photo. Bruce wasn't just smiling. He was looking at you like you'd hung the moon and personally appointed him astronomer. "Holy shit. Bruce had a game?"
"Had been the operative word." Tim pulled out his phone and started typing. "Emergency meeting. My room. Twenty minutes."
"We're fixing Bruce's love life."
Twenty minutes later, Dick, Tim, Jason (who'd come in through the window), Damian (who'd been dragged from the Cave), and Duke (who'd brought popcorn) were assembled.
"This is ridiculous," Damian said. "Father's personal life is none of our concern."
"It is when he's been pining for like twenty years," Tim said, pulling up a presentation on his laptop. Yes, he'd made a presentation. "Observe."
The first slide was titled "BRUCE WAYNE: A ROMANTIC TRAGEDY."
Jason snorted. "You made a PowerPoint?"
"I made a case file." Tim clicked to the next slide, which showed a timeline. "They met in college. Dated for approximately two years. Broke up right before Bruce left for his training... "
"Emotional avoidance as self-protection," Dick noted. "Classic Bruce."
"... and they've maintained a friendship for over two decades despite obvious lingering feelings. Exhibit A." Tim pulled up security footage from last month showing you and Bruce in the Manor's garden, talking and laughing. "Notice the body language. The sustained eye contact. The way he actually smiles... "
"Father smiles," Damian protested weakly.
"Not like that," all four of his brothers said in unison.
Duke raised his hand. "So what's the plan?"
"We get them back together."
"Absolutely not." Damian crossed his arms. "We are not meddling in... "
"There's a 73% chance Bruce dies alone, surrounded only by case files and bats," Tim said.
Phase One: Intelligence Gathering
"Master Dick," Alfred said, setting down tea in the Batcave. "Might I ask why you're reviewing security footage from five years ago?"
"Research." Dick didn't look up from the screen showing you and Bruce at a charity gala, dancing and talking like the rest of the world had ceased to exist. "Alfred, be honest. Does Bruce still have feelings for them?"
Alfred was quiet for a moment. "Master Bruce's feelings are his own to discuss."
"You didn't deny it." Dick turned around. "What happened? Why did they break up?"
Alfred sighed, setting down his tray. "Master Bruce was... younger. More afraid. He'd just begun to understand what he wanted to do with his life, what he needed to become. He believed, incorrectly, in my opinion, that he couldn't be Batman and be with someone he loved."
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
"Yes, well. Master Bruce has always had a remarkable talent for self-sabotage." Alfred moved toward the stairs, then paused. "If hypothetically, someone were planning to remind Master Bruce what he's been missing... I would recommend Thursday evening. He's invited them to dinner."
"Alfred, are you helping us?"
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Master Dick." But there was a smile in his voice.
Phase Two: The Dinner Setup
Thursday arrived. You showed up at the Manor at seven, dressed nicely but confused.
"Bruce said it was just a casual dinner," you said as Alfred took your coat.
"Ah. Master Bruce may have... misunderstood the nature of this evening."
You walked into the dining room and stopped. The table was set for two, with candles, flowers, and what was definitely the fancy china.
Bruce appeared in a suit, a nice suit, not a business suit, and froze when he saw the setup.
"Yes, Master Bruce?" Alfred's voice came from somewhere in the house, innocent as anything.
"Why does this look like... "
"A romantic dinner?" you supplied, trying not to laugh. "Bruce, did you accidentally ask me on a date?"
"No. Maybe. Alfred!" He was already loosening his tie, which you'd learned over the years was his nervous tell. "This was supposed to be just dinner. Regular dinner. Friend dinner."
From behind a door, Tim gave Jason a thumbs-up. Phase Two: Success.
"We could... still have a friend dinner?" you offered, but you were smiling. "The food smells amazing."
Bruce visibly relaxed. "Right. Yes. Just dinner. With a friend. Please ignore the... " he gestured helplessly at the romantic setup, "... everything."
Dinner was actually lovely. You and Bruce fell into easy conversation, talking about everything and nothing. From their hiding spot, the kids watched through the cracked door.
"They're perfect together," Duke whispered.
"This is taking too long," Jason muttered. "We need to escalate."
"Patience," Dick said. "Let them... "
Damian stood up and walked directly into the dining room.
"Father, there's been an incident at the Gotham Museum. Possible break-in. Your immediate attention is required."
Bruce was already standing. "What kind of... "
"I'll handle it," you said quickly, also standing. "You stay, finish dinner... "
"Bruce. Sit. Eat Alfred's cooking. I've got this." You were already heading for the door. "Damian, brief me on the way."
After you left, Bruce sat back down slowly, looking at his half-eaten dinner.
"There is no incident at the museum, is there?" he said quietly.
From the hallway, Damian's voice: "I have no idea what you're referring to, Father."
Phase Three: The Stakeout
"I don't understand why we all need to be here," you said, perched on a rooftop in the Diamond District next to Batman and four Robins.
"Intelligence suggests a potential heist," Bruce said, not looking at you.
"Uh-huh. And you needed your entire team plus me for surveillance?"
"Better safe than sorry," Nightwing said cheerfully. He was way too cheerful.
What followed was possibly the most awkward stakeout in vigilante history. Red Hood kept making comments about "chemistry" and "unresolved tension." Robin was uncharacteristically quiet but kept maneuvering so you and Batman were standing close together. Red Robin had "accidentally" brought only one set of binoculars, which you and Bruce had to share.
"Your kids are not subtle," you murmured to Bruce.
"They're not trying to be." He sounded tired. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into them."
"Really? You don't?" You looked at him, studied the line of his jaw under the cowl. "Bruce, we need to talk about... "
"FIRE!" Signal shouted. "There's a fire at the, uh, the place! You two should check it out! Alone! Together!"
There was, however, a very pointed conversation in the Batmobile afterward where Bruce demanded to know what was going on.
"We're helping," Tim said through the comm.
"Your crippling inability to express emotions," Jason added.
"I'm going to ground all of you."
"You can't ground me, I don't even live here anymore."
Phase Four: The Intervention
It all came to a head the following Tuesday when you showed up at the Manor for a completely normal visit and found all four boys plus Duke sitting in the living room like an intervention.
"We need to talk about you and Bruce," Dick said.
"You're in love with him," Tim said bluntly. "He's in love with you. You've both been dancing around it for literally decades. It's painful to watch."
You opened your mouth. Closed it. "I, that's not, we're friends."
"You look at him the way Alfred looks at perfectly organized tea services," Damian said.
"That's... actually really sweet, but... "
"And Father looks at you the way he looks at finally solved cases," Damian continued. "With satisfaction and longing and... "
"Okay, we're not unpacking Bruce's emotional connections to detective work right now," Dick interrupted. "The point is, you both clearly have feelings. Why aren't you together?"
You sat down slowly. "It's... complicated."
"Complicated how?" Duke asked gently.
"Bruce and I dated in college. It was serious. Really serious. And then he left to 'find himself'... " you made air quotes, "... and when he came back, he was different. Closed off. He said he couldn't be what I needed, that his life was too dangerous, too complicated."
"That's the dumbest... " Jason started.
"I know!" You ran a hand through your hair. "But I respected his choice. We stayed friends. And yes, I still have feelings, but Bruce made it clear that he chose his mission over... over us."
"That was before he had us," Dick said quietly. "Before he learned that he could have both. A mission and a family."
"You think he's changed?"
"We know he has," Tim said. "But he's still an idiot about his own feelings. Which is why we're intervening."
"By sabotaging our dinner and creating fake emergencies?"
"The emergencies weren't fake!" Damian protested. "They were... strategically exaggerated."
Despite yourself, you laughed. "You're all insane."
"We learned from the best," Jason said. "So what do you say? Give the old man another chance?"
Everyone turned. Bruce stood in the doorway in his workout clothes, sweaty and confused.
"Oh, good, you're here," Dick said. "Sit down. We're talking about your feelings."
"Your feelings. For them." Tim pointed at you. "And before you deny it, we've seen the photo from college, we've analyzed your body language, and Alfred confirmed it."
From the kitchen: "I merely provided context, Master Bruce!"
Bruce looked at you. You looked at him. The kids watched like this was the season finale of their favorite show.
"Can we talk?" Bruce said, finally. "Privately?"
You ended up in Bruce's study, the door firmly closed on four, no, five- Duke had joined, eavesdropping vigilantes.
"I'm sorry," Bruce said immediately. "About them. About the dinners and the stakeouts and... "
"Bruce." You stepped closer. "Is it true?"
"Do you still have feelings for me?"
He was quiet for a long moment. "I never stopped."
Your heart did something complicated in your chest. "Then why... "
"Because I'm Batman." He said it like it explained everything. "My life is dangerous. The people I care about get hurt. I thought, I convinced myself that staying away from you romantically was protecting you."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"I'm getting that a lot lately." He almost smiled. "I was young and stupid and scared. And by the time I realized I'd made a mistake, we were friends, and I thought I'd lost my chance."
"Bruce." You took his hands. "I've been in your life for twenty years. I know about Batman. I've patched up your kids, I've helped with cases, I've been here for all of it. I'm already in danger just by knowing you. Being your friend or being your... something more doesn't change that."
"I know. I know that now. But I didn't want to be selfish... "
"It's not selfish to want to be happy." You squeezed his hands. "And for the record? I never moved on either. I dated other people, but no one was ever... you."
Bruce looked at you like he had in that old photo, like you were something precious and rare. "I don't deserve... "
"Stop. Don't finish that sentence." You stepped even closer. "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to ask me out. Properly. And we're going to go on a date. A real one, not one orchestrated by your children. And we're going to figure this out together, because that's what we should have done twenty years ago."
"What if something happens? What if you get hurt because of me?"
"Then you'll save me. Or I'll save myself. Or one of your many children will save me. Bruce, you can't protect everyone from everything. You're allowed to have this."
He was quiet, and you could see him processing, recalibrating twenty years of self-imposed isolation.
"Dinner," he said finally. "Tomorrow night. Just us. I'll pick you up at seven."
"And no interference from... " he raised his voice, "... ANYONE LISTENING AT THE DOOR."
Scrambling sounds. A muffled "abort, abort!"
You laughed, and Bruce, actual Bruce, not Batman, not the mask, smiled at you.
"They mean well," you said.
You kissed his cheek, gentle and full of promise. "Seven o'clock. Don't be late."
"That's Batman who's late. Bruce Wayne is very punctual."
"I'll believe it when I see it."
After you left, Bruce opened the study door to find all five of his children plus Alfred trying to look innocent.
"All of it," Jason said proudly. "You're welcome, by the way."
"I should ground all of you."
"But you won't," Dick said, grinning. "Because we were right and you know it."
"Master Bruce," Alfred said, stepping forward with a small smile. "For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you. It only took you two decades."
"Someone had to ensure you didn't die alone in this manor, surrounded only by case files and emotional repression."
"That's what I said!" Tim high-fived Alfred.
Bruce looked at his family, his ridiculous, meddling, loving family, and sighed.
"If this goes badly, I'm blaming all of you."
"It won't," Damian said with absolute certainty. "We're Waynes. We don't fail."
"Also, they're totally in love with you," Duke added. "Like, painfully obvious."
As they filed out, laughing and high-fiving, Alfred lingered.
"The blue suit, Master Bruce. Wear the blue suit tomorrow."
"It brings out your eyes. Trust me."
After everyone left, Bruce sat at his desk and pulled out that old photo from college. You and him, young and happy and stupidly in love.
Maybe his kids were right.
Maybe he was allowed to have this.
Bruce showed up at your apartment at exactly 6:58 PM in a blue suit.
You opened the door, saw him standing there with flowers and that soft expression he only wore around people he truly cared about, and smiled.
"For you, that's early." You took the flowers. "Let me put these in water, and we can go."
The restaurant was perfect. The conversation was easy. And when Bruce reached across the table to take your hand, it felt like coming home.
Back at the Manor, five vigilantes and one butler watched the tracker they'd definitely-not-secretly placed on Bruce's car.
"They're still at dinner," Tim reported. "Two hours and counting."
"Think he's going to propose tonight?" Jason asked.
"Don't be ridiculous," Dick said. "He'll wait at least three dates."
"I give it one month before he's shopping for rings," Duke said.
"Two weeks," Damian countered.
Alfred just smiled and poured the tea.
"Ten pounds says they're engaged by Christmas," he said calmly.
"Alfred!" Dick said. "You can't bet on… okay, you're on. I say New Year's."
In the end, it was Thanksgiving.
But that's another story.
