So, I think I need to start organizing this! Being back to writing and that.
So far, I’m writing for Natasha, Yelena, Wanda, and Kate Bishop. I'll probably try my hand at other fandoms! I write female reader POV.
Should I try my hand at requests & prompts? Of course! So I’m open to those as well!!
Natasha Romanoff's works
One Shots
Haunting my Dream(s)
A goodbye letter to you
Series
I choose you, you know? It’ll be nice knowing you chose me too.
Pt. I // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 / Pt. 4 / Pt. 5 / Pt. 6 / Pt. 7 / Pt. 8
Yelena Belova's works
Series
You wanted to sleep with a Goddess but had to settle for a priestess
Ch. 1 // Ch. 2 // Ch. 3 // Ch. 4 // Ch. 5 // Ch. 6 // Ch. 7
The Contract
Clause 1
Wanda Maximoff's works
One Shots
Disguised Salvation
Series
A Heiress in Love (WIP)
Ch.1 // Ch.2 // Ch.3 // Ch.4 // Ch.5 // Ch.6 // Ch.7 // Ch.8 (pt.1) // Ch. 8 (pt.2) // Ch.9 // Ch.10
Kate Bishop's works
Series
Matter of the heart
Act 1 // Act 2 - Part 1 Act 2 - Part 2 // Act 3 - Part 1 // Act 3 - Part 2 (A) // Act 3 - Part 2 (B) //Epilogue // Epilogue 2
Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader / Kate Bishop x Fem!Reader.
Word count: 13k
Tags: asexual representation, intimacy. Not MCU Yelena
A/N: An original Urban Fantasy AU inspired by the MCU and the Buffyverse. A story about monsters, compatibility, recovery, and the strange ways people learn to love each other. (Yes, the smut has a narrative purpose. 😉) If this world intrigues you, join the tag list and follow along as new chapters arrive every other week, while A Heiress in Love reaches its finale.
A/N2: ESL writer. All original characters are mine, except for the MCU and Buffyverse characters.
02:46 a.m. - Recovery Wing, Aegris Headquarters.
The automatic doors to the Medical Area open as you get closer. The soft “swoosh” feels louder to your ears. You don’t need to look at your Veilband attached to your right wrist to know the crystal is glowing a soft blue. The two slow pulses, every few minutes, as if matching your heart, are enough of a telltale.
“Ah! There’s my favorite Troublemaker!” Rio’s gentle voice reaches your ears, making you lose a step on your walk to the inside of the area.
“Night, Rio. I thought you’d already left,” you said, leaving your dirty sword, still covered in a black type of goo, in the decontamination weapons area, watching as your hands tremble slightly, still covered in black blood and goo. You can feel the crystal's coldness on your band starting to increase.
There’s a heaviness in your eyes, and a dulled pain on your forehead. You remember the cut on it. Still, avoiding taking your body to the examination table, the smell of lemongrass tea drifts you to the chair Rio’s in.
“And miss debriefing?” She exclaims with an overenthusiastic smile it wouldn’t be normal for anyone at this time. “Never.”
Rio extends her hands, giving you the cup. Looking at your still golden/purple eyes. The warm notes of citric reach your nostrils. Closing your eyes to cut whatever Rio’s looking at, you take a few seconds to breathe in the scent.
“Mission was a Level 2.” Warm liquid falls down your throat. It feels nice, except on your right arm, where the cold has increased.
“Drink and eat these.” Rio pushes the greasiest cheeseburger with fries Aegris Kitchen can produce. The smell of fries hits your nose, and it’s like your body remembers you haven’t eaten in days. It didn’t matter that your last meal was two hours ago. “And then explain why a level 2 made you all gunky and gross?”
You feel the saliva accumulate on your mouth. You can’t eat with goo on your hands.
“It was feeding on the gunky creature. I tried to relocate it and well… “ you explain while scrubbing your hands as much as you can, knowing well it will take a long decontamination shower before the ice therapy your body so much needs, for all the substance to disappear.
“Right.” Rio stands up from her chair, writing something in a notebook she just took out of nowhere. “Personal Report?”
The burger is still warm in your hands. The grease makes it look like it’s shining; butter, salt, and some other spices permeate the air. The first bite is glory for your taste buds. The taste of perfect grilled meat mixed with the freshness of the veggies on it makes you almost taste the charcoal, the balance you’re craving.
“Usage was 30%, but I overdid it, hence the blue. Replenish is at 85%.” You show your wrist to Rio, which she doesn’t need to see, but it’s well appreciated.
“Synchronization?” She asks, noticing the small detail you left out.
The salt on the fries suddenly has become the most interesting thing in the room.
“Cub, synchronization percentage?” Rio asks you again, tilting her head and looking at you with something you cannot decipher after all this time.
You let an exasperated sigh from your mouth.
“Synchronization is at 70%,” you say, cleaning your still trembling fingers from all the grease of your food.
There’s a silence while Rio reads something. The soft pressure of the pencil on the paper lets you know there won’t be any more questions from here tonight.
“Recover Troublemaker, then Decontamination Shower, Ice Therapy, and Sleep. Text Yelena before the last step; she’s worried.” Rio casually says as she goes to the door of the Medical Area, watching the medical staff cure your forehead, set up the tub with ice and water for you, and leave the special swimsuit in the changing area.
She stops before leaving the room. Not really looking at you.
“Your recovery synchronization has been slower than last month, Troublemaker.” She doesn’t wait for your answer.
Closing your eyes to avoid the greenish light hitting on your eyes, feeling the needle on your skin, not even paying too much attention to the pain. Rio’s words playing on your mind like an old tape.
“Your recovery synchronization has been slower than last month, Troublemaker”
“Recovery synchronization has been slower than last month”
“Recovery synchronization has been slower”
“Has been slower”
“Has been slower”
“Than last month”
“Has been slower”
“Than last month”
“Troublemaker”
Without opening your eyes, you reach for the green apple-flavored electrolytes Rio also left on the table. Some of the cool perks you love when still having your enhanced senses. A tiny smile appears on your face. She might deny it all that she wants, but you know this specific one always appeared on all your Recover Protocols once she knew it was your favorite one.
“Miss. Y/L/N,” a dark-haired nurse grabs your attention. Opening your eyes, she signals you to keep the steps going on the Protocol. Your muscles protest when standing up, back cracking. A soft green-blueish light from your band. Nodding your head, you follow the nurse to the next area.
Decontamination shower always feels like a walk of shame.
A few minutes later, you enter the space for the next step. A tub filled with ice and water on one side, placed on a surface that keeps the temperature needed until you give the indication to close the protocol. Well, your Veilband does it for you.
On the other side of the room, a full kettle and an assorted tea box await you, along with a jar of honey, bread and different types of cookies, cupcakes, chocolate and donuts. Some jam, cheese, and grapes as well, next to salty crackers, pretzels, and your favorite candies. The perfect table snacks according to Rio.
The soft music playing on the speakers reaches your ears. Classical jazz. Perfect.
Grabbing the mat from one of the shelves, you sit cross-legged in the middle of the room. Concentrating on your breathing, feeling how your lungs fill. Mentally counting from five to one in your mind, just like Rio taught you all those years ago, before releasing the air through your mouth. Counting again from three to one.
Let the air fill your lungs. Five, four, three, two, one. Release the air. Three, two, one. Let the air fill your lungs. Five, four, three, two, one. Release the air. Three, two, one.
You keep meditating for about ten more minutes. Your muscles protest the position, the two slow pulses still present. A sigh escapes from your lips. The ice bath is waiting for you. Grabbing the suit, you change into it, dropping your clothes in the special basket, being grateful for Aegris not forcing you into a stupid uniform.
The Veilband is still blue, closer now to green. The crystal shows you in small numbers.
U: 30% // Rp: 95% // NSSC: 83% // RPL: LII
Nodding your head, focus still on breathing slowly. Taking your phone from your pocket, deciding to send a quick text to Yelena.
The fact that Rio told you she’s worried didn’t sit well with your stomach.
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️“Mission went well. Recovery Protocol #1. I’ll be going back to my apartment in 40 minutes. Lunch tomorrow?”
The answer comes seconds later.
Lena 💙 “40 minutes for a L.One?. Eat and sleep. Lunch at 1:30 p.m. on Hungry Hypo. Don’t be late”
You were hoping she didn’t catch the change of level. There’s a whole on your stomach, but you opted to ignore it while changing quickly into the suit. Gathering enough courage to submerge into the tub.
There’s a natural crash between your body temperature and the one in the tub. Small curses leave your lips as you submerge completely. Gasping for air seconds later, your head finally resting on the place designed for it.
After a few minutes, a lighter pulse on your wrist once in a while lets you know your band is returning to its natural White.
U: 30% // Rp: 100% // NSSC: 98% 🔄 // RPL: I.
The heaviness in your eyes lets you know that sleep is finally coming, meaning you only have about thirty minutes to change, eat something, and drink before Jackson, the souled vampire who has worked for Aegris for centuries, drives you home. The first time he did it, you expected him to be grumpy. It turns out he’s the happiest while driving. It allows him to keep seeing the world even during the day. Aegris cars are specially made to fit all their employees.
Getting out of the tub is easier. Your body already feels lighter and a little bit sore. You’ll be as good as new tomorrow, well in a couple of hours. Munching on the fruit and salted crackers while you change, you grab the phone, putting it back in your pocket.
There’s a tingling sensation on your neck, informing you Jackson is coming. Seconds later, he knocks on the door.
“Hey there, kid, lovely to see those Y/E/C eyes.” His last comment goes unnoticed on purpose by you. And considering that you’re in the middle of your twenties, and he’s close to his 372nd birthday, yes, you’re still a kid in his eyes.
“Want something, J?” You ask, throwing him a chocolate bar. He catches it easily.
“You know I’m here just for the chocolate,” he says while reading the label on the chocolate.
Satisfied with it, he opens it and eats it on the spot. On one arm, you see your messenger back. You take it out of him, patting him on the back while leaving the room.
“So I heard you encountered a crunchy one,” he says while escorting you out.
“Ugh. It already spread out? I was hoping to at least have a few hours before anyone knew that.” Pressing the button for the elevator, Jackson rocking back and forth on his heels next to you.
“Then you shouldn’t have thrown your sword back on the weapons decontamination box until later”
“Touché,” you say while looking at your shoes, already clean from the fight.
Ding. The soft sound indicates the elevator has arrived. The doors open. Jazz music fills the space. Laughing, you enter, Jackson following after you. You’re so ready to crash for the next few hours.
12:34 p.m. - Apartment 17B. Park Avenue.
The music has been playing for the last hour. The aroma of freshly ground coffee fills the kitchen. It has become one of your favorite rituals before journaling. There’s no rush to it.
Get the beans out of the fridge.Pour the beans into the grinder.Turn the knob until the beans have the desired consistency.Empty the coffee into the special container. Pour water. Add coffee. Turn on the machine. Serve in your cup.
Milk, cinnamon, cardamom, and honey meant you had drained completely.Honey and cardamom meant Critical Dysregulation had happened.Plain black coffee was your normal morning beverage.
Once the perfect cup is done, there’s always the pleasure of inhaling the aroma; let your nose fill with the intensity of the mix you chose for the day. Your body is relaxed, no pulse or sensation on your wrist, just the small pressure the leather does on it.
The events of the night and Rio’s words come back to your mind. You didn’t have a bad night per se. Blood Recovery normally knocks you out. Yet you can’t help but wonder. The last time you drained and Completely Dysregulated was when you noticed for the first time that Yelena was following a protocol and treating the recovery like a mission rather than— It was painful to see how she changed from your lovely girlfriend into a soldier.
“Did it help?” Were the first words falling from her mouth after your body had reached its peak: shallow breathing, body temperature still hot, but the pulse on the crystal showed:
U: 0% // Rp: 100% // NSSC: 100% // RPL: 0.
You felt it helped. Your naked body was sweating for different reasons than the symptoms of the previous mission. It was the fastest solution on the Recovery Level IV, especially if your Veilband glowed red. Yet… your brain quickly processed that Yelena was on her mind rather than with you.
That had been two weeks ago.
Since then, you increased your meditation time, hoping to regain control again. But…When it comes to the blood running in your veins, sometimes it didn’t matter the amount of training you had, or the knowledge you’d acquired. It simply demanded the primal instinct of survival to be heard.
The alarm ringing on the phone startles more than usual, letting you know you have ten minutes to leave the apartment. Taking a last look at your annotations, noticing you didn’t write anything in the last thirty minutes. The coffee has gone cold too.
Deciding not to dwell more on what’s currently happening, you grab your normal bag, keys, and leave the apartment.
13:30 p.m. - Hangry Hypo.
When you enter the establishment, you see Yelena already seated at a table. A green coat hangs on the back of the chair. An aroma of spices and herbs permeates the ambience.
“Hello, love,” you greet her, a quick peck on her cheek, knowing full well she doesn’t like public displays of affection,
“Hey,” she says while you sit on the other chair next to her. Observing the table, there are three services placed in front of you. “I already ordered.”
“Okay,” placing the menu back on the table. At the same time, a waiter arrives with drinks. Placing your mineral water, her espresso, and a Diet Pepsi, no ice.
Before you can ask anything, a tall, dark-haired girl sits in front of you. Smile radiant like the sun.
“Punctuality suits you well, Y/L/N”
“Bishop. I didn’t know you were joining us today”
“She wasn’t. She returned from her mission last night but… anyway, it’s been a while since I saw her.” There’s a slight accent on Yelena’s voice. It makes you frown.
Your neck tingle, feeling your eyes shift. A moment later, another waiter passes. In your peripheral vision, you see the enchantment of a shifter vanish for a few seconds. The threat of it being less than 15%. Closing your eyes, deep breathing, feeling them return to their normal color. You open them to see Kate Bishop looking directly at you, head in her hands, elbows resting on the table. Winking at you.
“It’s always so cool seeing that trick on my favorite Warden,” she says, still amused by it.
“I’m the only one you know,” you said before engulfing in one sip half of your glass.
“Imagine if you weren’t my favorite,” Kate says, opening her can of soda.
The “tss” of the can and the bubbles fizzing remind you of the playful side Kate has. It had been really hard to trust her at first, but she was Yelena’s friend. One night, one call from Yelena asking to come and help with a hostage and weapons situation, involving “Veil creatures,” as she called them, and it was hard then not to trust her. Still, you had kept her at arm's length when it came to Aegris and your Wardens' blood. It didn’t stop Kate from asking about them from time to time.
“Besides, it’s not a magic trick, Kate Bishop. You know it uses her energy reserves.” Yelena said while scolding her. Espresso cup in her hands.
“Fine, I yield,” Kate says, hands up in a surrender way. “So, what are your plans, lovebirds for the day?” Sipping from her soda, the talk gets interrupted as the waiter arrives with your food.
Placing a large pizza in the center, an order of fries, onion rings, at least five different flavors of boneless, and three large salads. He leaves without saying anything else.
“Thought you might be hungry.” Yelena’s voice distracts you from watching all the food in front of you. Looking at her, you grab her hand under the table, squeezing it before letting it go.
“Thank you,” you said. Voice barely above a whisper.
“And me? I returned from a mission too, you know, Belova,” Kate says, absentmindedly pushing her salad to the side and taking two slices of pizza.
“I ordered for you as well. Eat the salad.” Yelena says, and you chuckle. Eating your salad first, your body craving the freshness of the vegetables first. At the last minute, you decide to throw some chicken in there as well, looking at the horror on the face of Yelena at such action. You hear her whisper, “Children.” Still, there’s a small smile on her face.
Yelena’s gaze lingered between the two of you for a heartbeat before she reached for her salad.
11:28 p.m. - Surveillance Room, Aegris Headquarters.
You keep pacing.
You have been doing that for the last thirty minutes.
Bored out of your mind.
There wasn’t an active Vigil assigned. Stupid bureaucracy having to intervene in everything. The monitors were glowing different colors depending on the Sector they were focused on. The Observers reading the different signals, writing here and there a few things. Those reports were duller than the Bloodkeeping Manuals.
No, No. Bloodkeeping Manuals are way duller. You fell asleep reading them during your first month of training.
The lights cast a soft blue, making the room feel colder than it really was. The hums of the machines quietly made a harmony.
“Stop pacing before you make a whole on the floor. It was renovated not long ago.” Rio’s voice stops you in your tracks. Turning to see her sitting on one of the unoccupied desks. She doesn’t lift her eyes from her book.
Frowning, you try to recall when that might have happened. There’s no memory coming to your mind.“That renovation wasn’t like a hundred years ago?” You said, but obey her, going to sit on the couch next to the unoccupied desks.
“Exactly,” she says, still reading from her book.
Right. Deciding to kill the time while waiting to see if you’ll go on Vigil tonight or not, you grab your phone form you pocket. Opening the last message you had with Yelena.
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️ “I don’t think anything will happen tonight. Up for a movie?”
Lena 💙 “I wouldn’t be opposed”
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️ “I’ll let you know. Tell Valentina not to try to kill me again in the Tower’s lobby”
Lena 💙 “I make no promises.”
Noticing there’s a new message from Kate you hadn’t read. Sent almost at the same time you texted Yelena.
Bishop 🏹 “B careful on your Vigilante thing tonight, hot shot.”
Laughing at the constant Kate has for always changing the name for the Vigil. Rio throws you a look. Your laugh was the loudest sound in the room yet.
“Sorry,” you said. Even though no one paid any attention to you.
Warden Girl 🐺 “It’s called a Vigil. How did you know about it?”
The answer comes immediately.
Bishop 🏹 “A little bird told me”
Warden Girl 🐺 “Are you calling my girlfriend a little bird? Prepare to be dead by morning if she knows about it, Bishop”
……
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️ “Kate called you a little bird”
……
Lena 💙 “She’s so dead! Are you already on Vigil?”
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️ “No, nothing has come up. You know how stupid bureaucracy can be”
You feel your phone vibrate on your hand four times. At the same time, there’s a loud alarm blasting from one of the monitors. You immediately stand up, leaving the phone on the couch, your attention already on the monitors.
“Sector 12. A nest of vampires has been disturbed. Threat Level stands at 3,” one of the observers says, fingers quickly typing things. “There. Abandon storage on the limits of Sector 11B.” Showing you a zoomed image of the place.
“On it.” You say, already out the door, catching the package Rio threw at you on the way out.
11:46 p.m. - Abandoned Storage, Sector 11B, limits of Sector 12.
Golden, purple eyes scan the location the observer gave you. The hairs on your skin spike; something’s definitely in there.
A Level 3 doesn’t provoke that reaction in your body. You feel as if the Blood in your body is “screaming” as it senses the danger in front of you. You strain your ears to detect more danger, trying to pinpoint it in the hold. There’s a noise inside.
Entering the storage, you notice it is much quieter than expected. You could hear a pin drop. It was eerily unusual. Turning your vision up, you see what appears to be a dozen vampires watching, barely visible to the human eye. Clenching your fists, you start gathering information on the tiny details.
They don’t seem ready to attack. They’re…Observing.
The speed of your heartbeat increased just as your Veilband pulsed intensely, glowing White.
The hairs on your neck spiked as you sensed a presence behind you. Quickly turning, you’re faced with a blow to the jaw. The hit makes you stumble several steps, making you dizzy on the process. There’s a cold sensation on your chest, traveling down your muscles.
Shaking your head, your golden eyes focus on what’s in front of you. A creature close to 7ft., charcoal grey skin; based on the hit, its skin is hard. Whatever disturbed the nest probably had something to do with the creature in front of you.
On its chest, plain to see and completely exposed, you notice the creature’s long sternum. You assume your fighting stance, clenching your fists so tightly that you can feel your fingernails digging half-moons into your palms.
You feel your muscles tense. A quick assessment: the creature is motionless, giving you an advantage. The movement of your foot seconds before you lunge toward it goes unnoticed, as hard hands grab your neck. In the blink of an eye, the creature has cornered you against its chest. You feel dense, microscopic suctions tugging at you.
Your veins feel pressure. Too much pressure.
A chill runs from your neck down to your midsection. Clenching your jaw, you muster the strength to strike the creature’s head. The blow is hard enough to distract it, sending you flying against the warehouse wall. The creature opens its mouth as if to scream… but no sound comes out.
THUMP.
Your body falls hard.
The pressure in your muscles has increased, healing you as you stand up without much trouble. Your right hand is trembling. You frown. There’s a sense of familiarity—the force with which you feel the blood coursing through you. As if your veins were…
You don’t have time to think; the creature is advancing toward you again, slowly. Your eyes begin to distort the image, as if there were a technical glitch—blurry for microseconds before becoming clear again.
Your hand feels the dagger in your pants. Moving slowly, you try to pull it out, watching as the creature walks toward you. Where there should be eyes, there are nothing but closed sockets—for lack of a better analogy. The intense and quick pulses of your Veilband make you look down. A yellow glow—a glance lets you see the impossible readings displayed.
U: 78% // Rp: 12% ⬆️ // NSSC: 45% 🔄 // RPL: III
The creature advances elegantly faster. You raise your dagger into position; your intention is not to kill, but to hold it at bay.
Ducking quickly, you dodge the claw that was trying to grab you. The creature stops. So does your body. You try to force it to move, but you feel it slowly pulling you toward its chest.
That heavy sensation in your muscles—again—makes your hands shake, almost trembling. Your breathing has become ragged. For a moment, the gray color of the creature’s skin smells like red to you. The storage has begun to fade, and there’s a distinct buzzing in your ear.
The dagger makes a loud “clank” as it slips from your hands.
With one last effort, you kick the creature in the stomach, causing it to let you go again, throwing you again at the steel beams.
Red drops sliding down your forehead stain the floor. Your Veilband flashes a red glow.
U: 100% // RP: 1% ⬆️ // NSSC: 17% 🔄 // RPL: III
Your blood was trying to synchronize, but not with your Nervous System. Before you can continue your train of thought, you feel the darkness engulfing you.
12:26 a.m. - Abandoned Storage, Sector 11B, limits of Sector 1
Jackson’s voice sounds as if you were underwater.
“Y/N….. hear… me?”
The sensation of being lifted as if you weigh nothing. The nausea hits you at once. Your right arm feels as if it were on fire. Intense and hard pulses make the sensation uncomfortable.
Opening your eyes, the world is too rigid. Too loud.
A migraine is taking root in your brain.
“Easy kid.”
Your eyelids block the world again. The last thing you can distinguish is Jackson whispering Rio won’t be happy.
12:36 a.m. - Recovery Wing, Aegris Headquarters.
The cold splash of the iced water against your body makes you open your eyes immediately.
Gasping for air, your hands clutch the tub, trying to get out.
“Stop it, Cub,” Rio’s voice tells you while her hand stays on your chest, pushing your upper body inside the tub.
The warm pulses on your right wrist clash with the ice. A bright red glow under the water. Neither you nor Rio need to see the Veilband to know you drained the usage of The Blood. Yet, she grabs your arm and reads the information displayed on the crystal.
U: 0% // Rp: 54% ⬆️ // NSSC: 12% 🔄 // RPL: IV.
She doesn’t need to tell you. You can feel it in every cell of your body.
Your body is shaking, not because of the water. Rio’s enchantment is glitching under your golden eyes.
Around you, there are an absurd amount of details you can observe, yet you can’t focus on anything.
A hand on a green robe offers you a glass of mineral water, with a blue liquid in it. A steel straw is pushed into your lips. It’s cold and tastes like rock music.
You sip until the glass is empty.
“I need you to come back, Cub.” Rio’s gentle voice takes the glass, leaving it next to the tub.
She’s sitting at the rim, hand playfully moving the water. “Breathe”
Closing your eyes, you try to focus on her low voice counting from one to five. Inhale. Rio then counts again from one to three. Hold. And then one last time, from five to one. Exhale. Repeat.
After ten minutes, you realize something:Your breathing hasn’t slowed down. Your skin is still warm to the touch.You’re sweating despite being on iced water. The trembling hasn’t decreased.
The golden on your eyes starts to decrease. The glitching effect is less frequent now. You’re now observing Rio, observing you. She doesn’t look mad.
“Why…?” Your teeth shatter before you can form the full sentence. Rio patiently waits for you. “Didn’t…. Attack…. Jackson?”
You say as you stand up. If, based on the time you did breathing exercises in the tub, more minutes under it won’t change your situation. Rio stands up as well, stepping aside for the nurses to come and help you. They try to help you change, but as soon as they touch your arms, you flinch from their touch, whimpering so low, as you felt your shirt brushing against your chest.
Rio sits on the chair, waving her hand at the nurses for you to change by yourself. They don’t say anything, just leaving the two of you alone. Rio prepares two cups of tea while you change out of the wet clothes and into dry ones.
Taking more time than necessary, you have your head down, blushing cheeks, changing into the baggiest hoodie and shorts with the Aegris logo on them, you have. You feel the environment charged, but it's not electricity you feel; it’s the pressure still on your veins.
Rio sips from her cup, watching you sit cross-legged on the floor. Weighted blanket on your shoulders. She leaves her cup on the desk, bringing your own, offering it to you. Seeing the state of your hands, she changes the cup into a thermo. Nodding in silence, you take it from her hands.
“Eyes up,” she instructs you, walking closer, her hand lifting up your chin.
The wetness of the drops falling in your eyes does little to calm the tiny pieces of glass you feel on them. Closing them to let the sting pass, the goldenness still there, but mixed with your natural Y/E/C.
Feeling something closer to your legs, you reach for the plate you know she just dropped there. The saltines of the crackers make your head quiver, forcing yourself to nibble them. You know it will eventually pass, and your stomach would feel grateful.
“Easy, Wanderer. Recover first. We can debrief later.” Rio goes back to sit on the chair, writing things here and there. The room is filled with ambience music, sounds between 432 Hz and 528 Hz, designed specifically to help you regulate.
U: 14% // Rp: 60% ⬆️ // NSSC: 14% 🔄 // RPL: IV.
A soft red, orangish glow. The pulses on the Veilband are still fast. It’s burning your skin. Trying to concentrate on your lungs filling with air, the pressure on your ribs as you let the air out. The constant reminder of your body un-synching with itself.
“Ri…Rio,” you said, lifting your eyes in search of hers. “It’s not… working”
She calmly tilts her head, eyes closed, listening to your fast heartbeat. Opening her eyes, she stands up, walking closer until she’s in front of you, taking your Veiled into her hands. The numbers haven't varied too much. Blood orange glowing still visible.
“I’m running…out of options.” Your voice doesn’t crack as much, but your teeth still chatter, although not as forcefully as they were.
“No, Cub,” you hear the restriction on her voice. “You’re running out of ways to do this alone.”
There’s a silence settling between you. The words hang in the air, heavy. “I… I don’t know how… to keep doing it… alone.” You take your hand back, hiding it between your chest and your hotel hand. The pulse is intense; the warmth of the band seems to burn your skin.
Rio nods once, lifting your chin with her cold finger.
“Then we’ll borrow someone else’s hands for a while.” Almond eyes look into your still golden ones.
You shake your head immediately.
“No… I won't ask her to—”
She cuts you off gently. Cupping your face between her hands softly, almost motherly. Still, the mere contact makes you flinch.
“It’s not about that, Cub. I’m asking you to let someone choose.”
Rio stands up, going back to her chair. Her notebook and pen appear from nowhere. The pressure of the pen on the paper is a buzzing sound in your ears.
“Borrow someone else’s hands. Let someone stand beside you.” She says without looking at you, still writing, still drinking her tea. If you didn’t know better, you would think she was dismissing the whole thing. But the small frown on her features lets you know there’s more she’s not saying.
You close your eyes, in a feeble attempt to regulate your breathing. Sniffling, at least you have been able to finish your crackers pack. The weight of your quill has become unbearable; suddenly, it’s too warm in the room. Sweat drips from your forehead. The shaking of your hands is increasing again.
“You’re thinking too loud, Cub,” Rio says, texting something on an electronic device. Focusing your eyes on it, you realize it’s your cellphone.
“You… texted… Lena?” The chatter of your teeth is barely there, but your body has decided to ignore every attempt you had made to stop the trembling.
“No, I just activated your emergency contact.”
The sound of your phone ringing makes you open your eyes; you hadn’t realized you’d closed. Rio answers before the second ring.
“Belova.” Her voice is so calm it almost makes you believe everything is right. “Blood orange.” The Veilband pulses like recognizing the call. “Stable for transportation.” You hate how clinical it sounds. As if you’re cargo instead of a person.
“I can go—” the pulse of the Veilband sends an electroshock to your already overcharged nervous system. “Never mind.”
Rio snaps her fingers, catching your attention, searching for your eyes. You can see the care reflected on them. Her own jaw clenched. “I’ll send her with Jackson.” She doesn’t wait for another answer before hanging up.
In that moment, Jackson enters the room. All your belongings in your enchanted bag slung over his shoulder. He gives a folded paper to Rio, grabbing a chocolate bar from the desk, mouthing an “I’ll wait for you outside, kid” before leaving the room.
The noise of Rio unfolding the paper feels like a defibrillator on your teeth. Clenching your Jaw, you force yourself to stand up, having to gather a few seconds to get your equilibrium. Rio stands up, walking closer to you.
“Let her help. We’ll debrief as soon as you’re better.” She turns her back to you. Before stepping out, she turns her face a little. “Don’t lie to me. Your Veilband would still tell me.” She leaves the room without another word.
The thud of the quill dropping on the floor is the last sound you make before going back to your apartment.
01:45 a.m. - Apartment 17B. Park Avenue.
By the time you get to your own apartment, your body has decided it’s safe enough to cooperate with you. Walking slowly, Jackson doesn’t leave your side until you’re on your floor. Yelena is already waiting at the door.
Her eyes make a quick assessment of your whole state. Blue eyes quickly scanning. She then looks at Jackson, nodding a wordless thank you.
Yelena extends her hand towards you. When you grab her, her fingers tighten briefly before almost losing her grip on you. It takes her seconds to realize the state your body is in. She tugs at your hand, signaling where she’s leading you before walking every time.
Once in your bedroom, you notice the A/C is on, another attempt to cool down your skin. She leads you to sit on the bed. Observing your hands, she takes the green electrolyte you have from the mini fridge in your bedroom, pouring it into a sippy cup. You feel so embarrassed.
“Don’t,” she says while opening a granola bar, putting it into a plate she has with sliced fruit, adding a bit of honey. She comes back, taking a spoon and offering it to you; you grab the plate. The trembling is there, but having control of clutter is easier than balancing liquids.
You eat the fruit slowly, trying not to look at the Veilband. The force and speed of the pulses are enough of a tell for you.
“Sensitive?” She asks while motioning for you to keep eating and drinking.
“Three.” Enough for you to handle someone touching you, but not enough to handle all that clothing, no matter how loose it feels.
“Ok. Clothes off,” she says, while taking the empty plate from the bedside table. She then lowers the lights, creating a warm but not overwhelming atmosphere, with lights bright enough to keep the room from being dark.
Slowly taking the shirt, folding it into the bed. The shorts come out as a second, leaving you in your sports bra and your boyshorts. You rest your back on the bed frame, letting the sensation of the quill cool your body. At least, the sounds don’t feel like flavors anymore.
But your eyes are golden/purple, focusing on everything and nothing at all.
Your breathing is still shallow. You know what Rio meant when saying “borrowing someone else’s hands”. Yelena knows it too. It doesn’t stop either of you from keeping following steps before Secondary Regulation is attempted.
“Sensory?”
“Not crossed as before.” You see her nodding; her eyes travel to your Veilband, glowing an intense orange.
“Can I?” She asks, extending her hands closer to your wrist. You hesitate before complying to her.
U: 37% // Rp: 60% ⬆️ // NSSC: 18% 🔄 // RPL: IV.
“It’s been taking you longer to synch,” she says, brows furrowed.
“It has.” There’s no point in denying it. Yelena searches your eyes, observing your shallow breath and trembling hands.
“Y/N…” she says, touching your solar plexus and forcing you to lie down. “Close your eyes,” she says in a serious voice.
You feel the shift on the bed as she stands up. Hearing something clink-clank against glass. A few seconds later, you feel the weight of Yelena’s body back on the mattress. Feeling a soft touch on your neck, her fingers massaging the tension on your shoulders. Warm hands working meticulously on every hard fiber. Your nerves are still too aware, so every touch from her sends shivers down your spine.
A sensation that has a completely different reason than just being out of sync. A tiny moan escapes your lips, making you open your eyes immediately. Yelena stops her movements long enough to indicate that you close your eyes again, resuming the massage as soon as you close them.
Her fingers gradually work their way down your torso, making their way to your chest, slowly (and painfully) getting closer to your breast. The fabric of your sports bra hurts your nipples, erected from the tiny touch. Each fiber on your body has awakened in a new sense. Yelena’s hands massage each one of your breasts, fingers cupping them tenderly, thumb placing slow circles over your nipples.
Slowly, her hands descend over your torso, making you flinch as your ribs are healing from the throw you had. Yelena stops when you flinch. You open your eyes to see hers glued to the yellowish bruise there, knowing well it’ll disappear tomorrow night. Yet, her eyes are searching for answers your body has not yet had.
“Breathe,” she instructs without looking at you, resuming the work with her fingers, carefully avoiding the bruise, navigating down your body. Taking a special caress on your stomach, small traces from your navel up to the base of your round breasts, down again, reaching the band of your underwear. Each caress leaving goosebumps behind.
The pulse on the Veilband has decreased to an intermittent pulse. The burn is more tolerable.
Yelena’s hand travel around your hips, down to your legs. Thumb tracing small circles down your thighs, along the inside of your thigh, stopping just short of your groin, making your legs spread a tiny inch, noticeably for both.
As her hands keep massaging your thighs, the small groans leaving your lips have become louder than whispers. Your body is responding to her ministrations.
Yelena’s warm hands pull away from your body for a few seconds. A small moan escapes your lips as you feel the contrast of the ice cube on your chest, and even though you’re still wearing your bra, the droplets forming from the contrast between your skin and the ice are enough to make your nipples crave attention.
Yelena moves back down over your torso, drawing patterns that only she can see between your breasts, your ribs, and your navel, avoiding the injured side of your ribs. When the ice glides over your lower abdomen, your hips involuntarily jerk.
“Stay still,” Yelena commands you. Her voice is neutral and warm.
Yelena continues to trace patterns on your thighs, alternating between massaging with the hand that isn’t guiding her icy touch and the artwork she’s creating on your skin.
Your breathing quickens. A rhythm very different from before.
“Lena…” Your voice is a mix of whispers and gasps. “Please.”
You open your eyes to look into hers. If they were an open book before, now they’ve closed. Without looking away, Yelena’s hands slowly slide off your sports bra. You slowly lift your hips to give her easier access and let her remove your underwear. Leaving you on the bed completely naked… and vulnerable to her.
Yelena nods as her hand guides another ice cube straight to your erect nipples. A long moan escapes your lips, making you close your eyes and arch your back in search of more direct contact. Her other hand gently pinches your other nipple.
Squeezing your legs together, you begin to feel a little pressure in your lower body, sensing the wetness pooling up there. The air conditioning creates a cool breeze, heightening the sensation on your skin.
Yelena’s hands continue to roam your body, alternating between cool strokes and warm movements—a contrast far too pleasurable for your already overstimulated body—moving down your abdomen, your thighs, all the way to your calves, then slowly moving up to the insides of your thighs, parting your legs to give her more direct access.
Yelena pauses her hands right at the base of your groin for a few seconds. The sensation of the ice on your swollen bulb draws out the longest moan of the night. Circular movements for a few seconds, before you feel Yelena’s thumb rubbing it at a moderate pace. Without further ado, two of her fingers enter you, in a back-and-forth motion that mimics the rhythm she’s set with her other hand.
Since your body is so sensitive—thanks to the rhythm Yelena has set, her circular movements on your clitoris, and the rapid movements of her fingers hitting the right spot with each thrust —you can feel the orgasm building, that familiar sensation that precedes the sweet taste of pleasure. Muscles tensing, clenching her fingers for a few seconds, your back arches as you feel the orgasm coming. A moan mixed with her name escapes your lips. Yelena doesn’t stop her movements—she slows them down.
Your breathing, though rapid, is no longer ragged. It’s easier for you to control it. Yelena pulls her fingers slowly out of you.
You take a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, then exhale, trying to hold onto the delicious throbbing you feel between your legs. You open your eyes, breathing steadily, and see Yelena looking at your right arm, right where your Veilband is. You don’t need to look at her to know what she can see there.
U: 0% // Rp: 100% ⬆️ // NSSC: 100% 🔄 // RPL: 0.
The white light it emits and the fact that the throbbing you feel isn't in your arm—you know you've returned to your normal state.
“It helped,” she says, her left hand hovering over it. “You have been synching faster if—“ she lets the words hang in the air. You know what she means.
“Hey,” you say, as you lean in your arm, extending your hand towards her. She takes it, and you can still feel your arousal in her hand. You search for her eyes. They’re still deep in concentration, guarded… You have seen that look before.
“I’m going to prepare you a bath, ok?” She doesn’t wait for your response, standing up, pecking at your lips before going into your ensuite bathroom.
There’s a twist in your stomach that doesn’t have to do with what you just did.
11:29 a.m. - Apartment 17B. Park Avenue
When you wake up, your body feels fully recovered. Inspecting your ribs closer, you notice the faintest yellow there; no pain to the touch either, a sign they’re 90% healed.
Yelena is nowhere to be found.
On your nightstand, close to your journal. There’s a thermo, a large container, and a Post-it over it.
“Barnes called for an emergency meeting. Eat, protein, carbs, and sweets are there. Plus a protein shake. Green electrolytes are in the fridge. Espresso on the thermo. Text me when you wake up. XOXO. YB”
A small smile shows on your face. Grabbing your cellphone, you sent her a quick text thanking her. You hesitate about asking her for dinner. Still not sure if Rio would greenlight you for Vigil tonight or not. Deciding on keeping that question for later, you also notice there are a few texts from Kate.
Bishop 🏹 “Are you in Vigilante mode now?”
Bishop 🏹 “B careful, hot shot”
Bishop 🏹 “Call if you need backup”
Her last text was sent close to midnight. Assuming she was up on her own Vigilante thing or suffering from another insomnia night. It seems strange to you that a friend of Yelena would worry about you, but knowing Kate and Yelena share their own kind of similar missions. Both understand your world to a point.
Warden Girl 🐺 “Well… Got pretty much beaten up”
……
Bishop 🏹 “Want a nurse? 😜”
……
Warden Girl 🐺 “Got one already, but if you wanna be a Good Samaritan, I like cappuccino ice cream”
……
Bishop 🏹 “U got it, hot shot!”
Bishop 🏹 “Will buy it 4 U when I see ya next time”
You finally open the container to find a huge portion of scrambled eggs, sausages, bacon, waffles with peach jam, honey, and some fresh strawberries and kiwis.
The mere smell of grilled grass and meat was enough to water your mouth, just thinking about the taste. You knew for sure Yelena either made them really early or got Bob to bring them to her, meeting him a few blocks from your apartment. She was the type of person to respect your privacy to the point of not sharing your living location to anyone. That, and the fact that there was a huge protocol with Rio when you asked for her to be updated as your emergency contact.
In any case, the salty flavor of the crispy bacon is enough to wake you up fully. Noticing as well how all your senses are in the correct order. The smells don’t have textures anymore; flavors don’t have loud sounds. The birds chirping outside don’t give you a blast of colors. And more importantly, you can tolerate clothes now.
Getting up from your bed, you take the container and thermos to the kitchen to eat properly and don’t make a mess on your bed. The first sip of the coffee feels like fuel is entering your veins. Funny how much people think espresso has more caffeine than regular coffee when, in reality, it has less, and the only stronger thing is the flavor.
Rummaging through the cabinets, you find the paracetamol you were looking for. Complete draining always feels like a bad hangover. Luckily for you, it comes with speed recovery as well.
Rio probably would frown at your choice of drink to take the pill, but anyway. After breakfast is done, you cleaned the kitchen and proceeded to get ready for the day. Opting to journal a little about what happened last night.
There has been a nagging sensation on your mind about the creature you fought and several questions still pending. You also noticed the recovery time between syncing and recovery protocols. Plus, there’s the feeling Rio was hiding something yesterday night.
Once you decide everything is done for the day, you grab your bag and go out of your apartment. Benefits of having a really ancient agency employing you is the hefty paycheck you get. And apparently the unlimited and always full fridge.
13:12 p.m. - Warden Y/L/N Room - Aegris Headquarters
“How are you feeling, Cub?” It's the first thing coming from Rio’s mouth as soon as you enter your own “room” at Aegris.
It’s more like a big executive office than a room, but you managed to get a sofa-bed in front of the TV, a little separate from the desk and bookcase. You also have two lockers with clothes and other personal things. Before dating Yelena, you pretty much spent a lot of time here.
“Headache is easing up, and ribs are pretty much healed,” you say, entering the room. Rio is sitting on the couch, drinking from a ridiculously small cup. Probably one of her own tea recipes “not made for humans,” as she keeps telling you.
Leaving your bag on the coat rack, you walk towards the small coffee bar corner you had. The tea waiting for you is exactly as you want it: chamomile with anise and a tiny bit of honey. Taking your cup, you go back to the couch where Rio is waiting for you.
“I know you have many questions, but drink your tea. Relax a little, debrief me later,” she says, observing you. Her own cup is set aside on the small table at one side of the couch. She then takes out of her own magic, her notebook, starting to write.
You let the hot beverage enter your body. Breathing slowly, enjoying the herbal flavor on your tongue, the notes of anise contrasting perfectly, anchoring you back in the present. You observe the room, taking mental notes to re-read some past entries you wrote. A book lying on the bookshelf caught your attention. It’s the Aegris Guide Vol. 5 on creatures. Standing up, you walk towards it, grabbing the heavy book; the leather cover feels soft and cold at your touch.
Flipping through it, you quickly find the page you're looking for.
“Rio,” you say, walking back towards your mentor, although she hates it when you call it that. “This was the creature that disturbed the nest last night.” You show her the page where there’s a large image of the monster, aligned with a vague description of it.
She looks up from her notes to watch the image. She lifts a perfectly defined eyebrow, taking the book from your hands.
“Are you sure?” She says. You know she would never doubt you; there’s not a hint of incredulity in her voice. You nod.
Rio closes her notebook, patting the spot next to her. You obediently sit, waiting for her to continue. Interlacing your fingers, your elbows on your knees, body facing her, a clear indication she has your attention.
“Cub, tell me exactly what you saw, felt, and did last night,” she says, her expression softening a little. After all, she was the one to receive you after Jackson brought you back.
“Well, you know we got the heads-up about the nest. I’ve been there a few times, and let me tell you, nest #7 never gave trouble before. But when I got there, it wasn’t empty. All of them were up, like if they were hiding.” You say, trying to remember as much as details posible. There was another method Aegris used to get the information from the Wardens before, but Rio is not prone to that one, unless it's an actual emergency.
“I observed. There wasn’t anything out of place, except… I could feel my blood awakening; my body got goosebumps immediately. A level 3 never got that reaction, not even by the amount of vampires there”
Your leg starts to move rapidly, a clear sign of nervousness. Clearing your throat, you continue talking.
“My Veilband started pulsing, but it was still White” At this, Rio opens her notebook to write, her brows are furrowed. “And then I barely had time before the punch got me”
“Physically punch you?” She asks, still not looking at you. There’s a slight something to her voice you cannot decipher.
“Yes. After that I tried to contain it, but…” You stop thinking. The creature waited until you did a teeny-tiny movement, coming at you slowly but speeding up as soon as you moved. “It wanted me closer. Like if I moved, the creature moved… but I thought I was faster than it”
“Clearly, you weren’t,” she says, but there’s no malice in her voice. You shake your head, ashamed. Maybe Jackson could help you on the treadmill. “It has nothing to do with your speed, Cub,” Rio says, not looking at you, clearly more entertained by writing. “You said it wanted you closer”
“Yes… closer to its chest. There were… I dunno, something that… I felt like each pore of me was suctioned every time it did it. I used a lot of strength to even attempt a hit on it.” The mere thought of it is enough to make you nervous. You stand up, pacing, moving your hands in order to shake it away.
“I could feel like my blood pulsing, trying to regain control. My Veilband went crazy. Each pulse was like fire… but… Rio… I could feel my blood; I could feel the pressure each time this thing got closer to me. I know it was trying to… never mind.
“Go on,” she says, this time looking directly at you. “It was trying to what?”
You lift your head, searching her eyes, trying to see if she’s mocking you or amused. She’s not. Her face is serious, like if she knew what you were going to say but was waiting for you.
“Like it was trying to synch… but not with me,” you say, voice barely a whisper.
Rio extends her hand towards you, a clear invitation to take it. As you do, you can’t help but feel like a child. She guides you back towards the couch; her hands come to rest in her lap. You fidget with yours.
“You asked me why it hadn’t attacked Jackson.” You nod. “Think again, why it attacked you… when it had a full nest of vampires waiting?”
Scratching your head, you had forgotten that detail. Rio was right. The creature probably stopped being interested in them when you were there.
“Because I was more powerful?” You ask.
“Think harder.” She says, waiting patiently for you. That’s one of the things you like most about (sometimes) about her. She doesn’t just give you the answers; she teaches you how to look for them.
As you do, you remember the sensation you got when the creature grabbed you, when you entered the storage, what you felt before draining yourself and getting knocked out.
“Because of the blood. He wanted my blood?”
“Yes and no, Cub.” Rio grabs the book you previously gave her. “What you encountered, it’s called The Hollow”
In the back of your mind, you know you have heard about it. Legends and rumors as you were just a child, and Rio had brought you to Aegris. Old Wardens discussing it. Even your old trainer mentioned it once.
“It feeds on the magic in your blood. Forcing you to spend more to defeat it”
Your brows frown. It has never occurred to you that it could be possible. You thought the blood only responded to you.
“It’s not that the creature orders it, Cub. The nature of your blood is to keep its host alive”
“Whatever the cost,” you say, finishing the order of thought Rio placed now in your mind.
“Exactly”
There’s a moment of silence while you process the encounter. Fidgeting with your fingers, playing with your favorite ring. One of the few things you knew was in the basin you were discovered in years ago. The rest of them, guarded in a metallic box in the locker.
“Rio,” you said, taking the ring out of your finger and spinning it around. “I have known this world since I can remember. My first memories are of you, Jackson, and Anwar babysitting me. In all those years, I never heard anyone mention an encounter with one of them”.
“You were lucky it left you when it did,” She says, standing up, closing the book as she does.
She grabs her notebook, looking for something specific. Nodding to herself, she goes towards your bookshelf.
“I just.. I need to train harder.” Your head is down, looking at your lap, fingers closed, as if losing against the Hollow suddenly felt embarrassing, rather than relieved.
Rio ignores your comment. Observing towards the window, eyes closed, head tilted for a few moments, before returning her attention towards the bookshelf.
“How do I defeat it next time?” You said, standing up, following to the desk. Sitting opposite her, your ring back on your finger.
“You don’t, Moonbeam,” she said, finding another book, taking it out and bringing it back to the desk. You see her opening it to a specific blank page. Frowning as you try to see what’s in the pages. “Now, there’s something I need to take care of. I’ll be gone for a few days. Should I be worried about you?” She says as her finger traces invisible lines of paragraphs.
“You’re leaving?” You say, observing her face, but Rio is still interested in what’s in front of the pages.
“For a few days. Yes.” Finally, she looks up at you. Back reclining on the chair, arms resting on both sides of the armchair.
“I’ll be fine,” you said. There’s no point in trying to gather more information. You know she only will give you what she wants you to know. “Am I allowed to do Vigil tonight?”
“I would be more comfortable if you stayed, but… I have a feeling you won’t. Bring Anwar with you”
Your eyes open slightly at the name she just said. At that moment, the door to your room opens. A tall, red-haired person enters. Pointed ears, one large earring hanging in one, a visible scar on his cheek.
“Miss me?” He says while leaving his messenger bag on the floor.
You can’t help but run and jump into his arms. Anwar, predicting the movement, catches you with little to no effort.
“Anwar!” You hug him, legs and arms, like a small koala.
“Aww, I miss you too, little human.” he keeps you safely in his arms, like he used to do when you were a baby.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll keep an eye on her, right?” Rio says, gathering her things, before walking towards the door.
You disentangle from Anwar’s hug, jumping to the floor in order to see Rio. Opening your mouth to say something, Rio interrupts you.
“You know how to reach me, Moonbeam,” she says, caressing your cheek. You lean into the touch, nodding slightly. It still sucks she needs to leave. You have a feeling it has to do with a recent event, and Anwar being here just confirms it.
A few seconds later, she’s out of the door.
“So… you want pambas cake?” Anwar says, taking out a small container with small, green and grey, circle-shaped cakes.
Gladly, you take the container, going to sit on the couch while he prepares a strange-smelling coffee. Shape shifter things.
18:54 p.m. - Golden Beans
You sit quietly, writing in your journal. Aegris was strangely calm. Anwar and Jackson promised to let you know something, and you promised them not to indulge in Vigils alone. You had texted Yelena before arriving here. She told you she would meet you at your apartment around eight. She needed to finish some reports and her own debriefing files before Barnes got angry and kept bothering her to finish her paperwork.
Entry Log - Tuesday 3rd.
Mission Level 3. Real Threat Level 5
Usage 100%.
Synchronization: Irregular.
RPL: 4 - Assisted Synchronization Required.
Symptoms: Sensory Cross at 70%. Touch Sensitive. Ice baths ineffective.
Veilband Indicator. Blood orange.
Warden Notes: The blood kept trying to sync, but it wasn’t with me. It tried to sync with A Hollow. My own blood felt like…… out of order. There’s a sensation that I can’t quite shake out of my mind. How did it appear and why at this moment?
You throw your pen on the small notebook. Massaging your temples. You avoid telling Rio that your headache hasn’t completely gone away. Dysregulation has been happening more often. Maybe you need to re-learn how to meditate and not to be so much in your mind.
The vibration on your phone distracts you from your line of thinking.
Y.Belova 💙 “Are you at home now?”
……
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️” Will be there in 30. Bucky finally let you leave?
Y/N Y/L/N 🧘🏻♀️ “I’m at GB if you want to join me and grab a bite.
………
Y.Belova 💙 “He didn’t have an option. I’m caught up with paperwork"
Y.Belova 💙 “Is the M&C back on the menu?”
Y.Belova 💙 “I’ll be there shortly”
Rather than answering her, you order a side of Mac and Cheese for her. Taking a last look at your writing, you decide to journal later, not wanting to worry Yelena. She hasn’t asked about what caused the draining, waiting for you to tell her instead.
Knowing her, she probably went and harassed Hill. Which might not have been needed. After all, even though SHIELD knows about Aegris, it's not as if they report to each other. They know just enough to call you when necessary. A few minutes later, the bell of the door chimes. You don’t need to look up to know Yelena has arrived. You have trained your hearing to identify her silent steps. Seconds later, she sits in front of you.
“Hey there, lovely,” you say, extending your hand towards her. She grabs it, caressing your fingers with her other hand. You notice she’s not looking at you yet but at your joined hands.
“How are you feeling?” She asks, tiredness in her voice. Paperwork sucks, and she dislikes it as much as you do.
“Better now.” You say. At that moment, the waiter arrives with the order you placed before. Her M&C, a Diet Pepsi, and a second Vanilla Latte for you. Silently thanking him, you grab your drink and enjoy the cold contrast between this one and the hot one you ordered first.
“Just what I need it,” she says while already taking her first bite. “Are we still for movie night?” She asks you, finally looking at you.
“For sure.” There’s a shiver on your back; you close your eyes, not wanting to look around, but as your body shivers, you enhance your hearing. The Veilband feels cold. No pulse indicating a reaction.
“Kate Bishop says hi, by the way,” Yelena announces casually, looking at you.
“Oh.” You open your Y/E/C to see her. Surprise evident. “I didn’t know you saw her”
“I didn’t. She kept pestering me on messages.”
That gets you a chuckle; only a few persons would dare to keep texting Yelena while knowing she’s doing paperwork. Kate and Natasha really have a death wish sometimes.
21:00 p.m. Apartment 17B. Park Avenue.
The movie has been forgotten for the past twenty minutes or so. Yelena has been clingy since you got to your apartment.
What started as a cuddling session turned into a kissing one. Yelena looked at your lips before reclaiming them. Something a little bit unusual since you’re normally the one initiating any kind of move.
She’s now stradling your hips, hands on your face, caressing, your own hands on her waist, securing her against you.
Slowly, you feel her hand descending through your neck, your torso, until it reaches your wrist. You feel her fingers touch your Veilband. Tracing patterns on it, if the moves of her fingers work as an indicator.
“I’m okay,” you say between kisses. Thinking she might still be affected. One thing is physical injuries, another one is neurological injuries.
“I just... “ she separates a little from you, looking at your eyes. Hers are so guarded it’s difficult for you to read them, special abilities or not.
“Let me try something.” Her lips reclaim yours before you can say anything in return. Her hand finds your chest, the exact place where your heart beats. A little faster, but otherwise normal. You cover hers with yours, squeezing her waist with your other hand, to bring her back to the moment.
Inadvertently, her hand reaches for Veilband again.
This time you’re the one breaking the kiss, resting your forehead against hers, eyes closed.
“You okay, Lena?”
You feel her tiny nod, breathing slowly before opening her eyes, searching yours. She climbs out of your lap, grabbing your hand, interlacing your fingers. Your thumb caresses her hand. Her other hand actively traces your Veilband.
You give her the moment she needs. Waiting for her to tell you something. Anything.
“What if…” she inhales, exhaling a second later. “What if somebody else helped?” She says, not looking at your eyes. “With the Assisted Synchronization?” Your thumb stops its movements.
“Lena?” You ask because there’s no way she just said what she said.
“I… think it could improve how you recover.” She says, standing up; you see her going into the kitchen, returning with a soda and a red electrolyte for you. You grab it from her hand, but place it back on the table, frowning. Out of Vigil Walks and Aegis mission, you don’t drink them. Yelena knows it.
As she sits on the couch, she sees the bottle on the table, chuckling sadly at the realization.
“This is why I think someone could help,” she says, sitting considerably distant from you.
“I don’t want anyone else, Lena.”
“I know. But we also know you’ve been having problems syncing back. And it helps you recover faster when I…” she stops talking, looking anywhere else but at you. “I just feel that it’s not meaning the same to me as it does to you. And I—”
She looks directly at you. The first sign of tears is forming in her eyes
“I don’t want to lose you to a mission.”
Her tone makes it clear that she’s not referring to the dangers of your line of work. Clenching your jaw, you inhale and exhale. You have never meant for Yelena to feel this way, hence why you were so hesitant when you started dating and involving her in your Recovery Protocols.
But hearing her say this, the pain in her voice and the ache you feel in your own chest.
“Lena, I…” you are lost for words. Then it occurs to you that this is something she has already thought a lot about. Yelena is a fully prepared woman, so if she’s presenting this on the table, she probably has the person in mind, the document, and has done her own research.
“You already thought about it, right?” She just nods. “Who?” There’s no more point in trying to talk her out of it.
“Kate Bishop.” Two words. And you know for Yelena to drop the name, it means that she trusts her too much. Considering her the best and safest choice for what she’ll ask her to do. Of course.
You have barely started to trust her, but here’s Yelena saying in the things she doesn’t say, she trusts Kate more than anyone on her team… or her sister's team.
“Lena,” she comes closer, lifting your arm, hiding in your chest, hand reaching automatically for your Veilband.
“Just think about it, okay?”
She turns the volume up on the TV, meaning she’s closing off. Even though you don’t have anything to think about, you know she’s hurting on a level you can’t quite reach.
04:23 a.m. - Warden Y/L/N Room, Aegris headquarters
Anwar is sitting at your desk, observing the double monitor, typing something while you take a nap after the training session. Despite what Rio said, you insisted on training harder. Your old Warden mentor doubled the number of exercises on fighting, resistance, and speed, and Anwar helped you meditate.
There’s a small beep on the screen, a dot glowing green in the screen's lower frame. Anwar looks at your sleeping form before opening Rio’s message.
“Anara says the Veil was destabilized on the 12th sector. Allowing the Hollow to enter specifically for her. Might need to talk with Harkness before returning on the full moon.”
He furrows his brows. Looking back at you, relaxed even for just a moment.
“Oh, Y/N… we better find what caused this before it reaches you.”
04:23 a.m. - Kate Bishop’s Apartment.
There’s a yellow folder on the table. Yelena’s hands are covering it. Two coffees, long gone cold, between Kate and her.
“Before you agree, you need to understand something.”
“Has she agreed to it?" Kate asks, still looking at the folder in Yelena’s hands.
“She will,” Yelena says.
Kate frowns her brows at the slight tremble in Yelena’s voice, perceptible to almost no one. But she has known the spy for quite a time now to be able to catch it.
“You know Y/N is special in the sense that she’s enhanced”
“I know enough to know she’s like a super soldier?” She asks, trying to think what kind of serum might have been used on you.
“No. More… magical if you want. You can’t inject her abilities. She’s still human, but not indestructible like a super soldier. And the type of missions she has… are more on the no natural sense of things”
“Gotcha! I know enough about it.” Kate’s sensitive enough to know if Yelena is visiting at this hour, there’s no time for jokes.
Yelena then opens the folder closer to Kate, giving her enough time to read what’s on the pages. Kate’s eyes scan the document as fast as she can. Her brows furrow at each paragraph.
“This is the protocol.”
“I see,” Kate says, eyes still scanning the pages.
“No. You need to know what it means.”
Yelena takes a breath. Kate looks at her, leaving the paper in front of her.
“When Y/N drains too much, Blood replenishes faster than the nervous system can synchronize. She can be awake. She can speak. She can even look almost normal. But her body is not…” She searches for the word. “Together.”
Kate's expression changes. Curiosity peeking.
“Her agency has a list of protocols to follow. Sometimes they work. Sometimes it takes longer. Recently, longer.”
Yelena's fingers tighten around the cup, before drumming her fingers on the rim
“RPL IV is when another person helps her by giving her nervous system something to follow. Familiar sensations. Things that tell her body it is safe enough to synchronize.”
Kate looks down at the pages again, looking for the specific paragraph that caught her attention the most.
“And sometimes that includes…”
“Intimate contact.” Yelena’s answer comes without hesitation.
Kate nods slowly. Re-reading the entire page.
“Okay.” She says, looking at Yelena, grabbing her own cup of long-gone-cold coffee.
Yelena studies her. Nodding before continuing.
“Do not confuse body response with wanting you.”
Kate immediately shakes her head.
“I wouldn't.”
“I know. I am telling you because she can become aroused,” Yelena continues. “Sometimes.
Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes she is simply sensitive because everything is too much. You cannot use her response to decide what she wants.”
Kate nods, trying to assimilate everything. She knows she should have grabbed a pen.
“So I ask, right?”
“You always ask.” Yelena emphasizes the word.
“And if she says yes?”
“You still watch her.”
Kate frowns. Yelena finally looks away, watching the quiet and dark skies of New York.
“The important part is that you are not there to make her feel good.” She says, taking a dip from her cup. “You are there to help her come back.”
Kate looks at the document again.
“How do I know when she's back?”
“Her Veilband will tell you?”
“And if she wants to keep going?” Kate’s curiosity gets the best of her. Yelena's jaw tightens almost imperceptibly.
“You stop. Especially then.”
Kate studies her for a moment. Drinking from her own cup. Yelena takes a long breath.
“When her Veilband turns white, the protocol is finished.”
There is something in the way she says it that makes Kate stop smiling.
“This is why I wrote everything down. I don't want you guessing. I don't want you thinking you did something wrong because she reacts differently one time. And I don't want Y/N thinking she has to perform a certain way to recover.”
Kate runs her thumb over the edge of the pages.
“You've done this before.”
“Yes.” Yelena nods, avoiding Kate’s eyes, still admiring the night outside.
“And you can't anymore?”
Yelena's eyes drop to the table.
“I can.” She tightens her cup; Kate thinks she might break it. “I don't think I should.” Yelena closes the folder, leaving it closer to Kate’s hands. “She needs someone who can help her without wondering whether the person she loves is still recovering.”
Kate takes a last look at Yelena before grabbing the folder.
“All right. I’ll do it. But answer me something first.” The only indication Kate has that Yelena listened to her is the tiny nod she gives her.
“Why me?” She finally asks. She knows how deeply you two care for each other, how strong your love is.
“Because Kate Bishop,” Yelena says before standing up, indicating this talk might be over soon. “You’re the only one I trust to keep her safe”
Yelena doesn’t wait for an answer, closing the door quietly, leaving Kate alone in her kitchen, wondering exactly what she’s getting herself into.
Pairing: Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader / PastWanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader
Word count: 5.2K words
A/N: Professional over-thinkers in recovery. Mutual pining: successfully concluded.
A/N2: Bold italics are text messages. This chapter contains some short time jumps.
A/N3: I had an incredible time writing this world! This story had so much material that I had to make decisions on what to include and what to leave in the back room! Anyway. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did when writing it.
A week after we finally took things further, I gave Kate a key to my apartment with no more explanations but a “I want you here as much as you want me over at yours.” We didn’t talk about moving in together, but the topic was in the air.
On our first anniversary, we decided to move into the loft. Kate decided to rent out her apartment to Yelena before deciding whether or not to sell it. A decision Yelena is happily persuading Kate into making.
I still remember the day we moved in together.
After accommodating Kate’s things into the loft, a few boxes remaining, we were sitting on the sofa, enjoying a nice glass of wine when Kate took out a small wrapped gift box.
“I got you something. Well, got us something.” She says while sitting next to me, pecking my lips before giving me the small box.
“Okay,” I say as I start slowly removing the tape, carefully so as not to tear the paper apart. Something I know drives Kate insane since we were kids, but has come to impatiently waiting for me. That’s why all my gifts from her since we were twelve are either in a stapled bag or with just two tapes.
I finally take out the box. A little heavy in my hands. When I open the box, I see a matching set of purple mugs, “Tuesday Lover’s Club” printed on one side. I can’t help but smile; I have noticed Kate started to have a preference for that day as well.
“Oh baby, they’re beautiful- perfect size as well."
“I know your last one broke, so I wanted to give you a new one. With a new meaning attached to it as well.”
“I love them. And I love YOU! Thank you, Katniss”
I grab her by the collar, bringing our lips together. Kate melts into our kiss, hands resting on the couch, smiling into the kiss.
“We’re a club now?”
“An exclusive club,” Kate replies, kissing me again.
“We’re only two members”
“Very exclusive, then.” The rest of the moving got forgotten between kisses, caresses, and moans.
Things with Kate have been incredibly easy. We have known each other since we were kids, so we know when to push and when to step back. It doesn’t mean we haven’t had disagreements, because we have had them. The key is just communication and an effort to listen.
So, here I am, six months after moving in, outside of the Rescue Animal Center, gathering courage, a tray with two coffees in my hands. I have no time to keep dwelling on it because Yelena is aggressively waving from inside.
“You’ve been standing there for about ten minutes; come inside now, Y/N Bishop,” she yells when she opens the door.
I flinch at her yelling, feeling the heat on my cheeks as I caught the last name she dropped.
“I’m not married, Yelena, you know that,” I say as I enter the center, playing with my hands, feeling a familiar weight in my pocket. A citric smell reaches my nose.
“I know. I just like messing with you,” she says, walking towards her office, knowing I’m following her. She sits at her desk, moving some papers to the side as I sit on the chair in front of the desk. I place the tray on it, letting her take her sugar with her coffee drink. I feel her eyes observing me while she sips from her cup.
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” She says, slight accent coming out. “I’m not helping Kate move out, plus I renovated the apartment already.”
“What? No, no. Wait, you did what? No, never mind, forget it. I’m here because…” I sigh as I gather the words I need. “I want to adopt a dog for Kate”
Yelena leaves her cup, observing me. I swear she can be more intimidating than Natasha when she wants to be. Don’t tell them that, though.
“Any specific breed, age, sex?” She says, scrolling the mouse on the desk, looking at the monitor.
“Not really, no. Just… I trust you to recommend me candidates,” I say, because if I had asked her to let me see all of them, I would have wanted to take them all.
“Mhm,” she says while reading something on her computer. Typing and reading. I absentmindedly pat my pocket. Sipping my coffee, observing the many adoption pictures Yelena has in her office.
After a few minutes, I hear Yelena exclaim an “Aha!” Followed by a slap on the desk, making me jump from my chair.
“I think I have the perfect candidate. Would you like to come with me and meet him?” She says, leaving the room; no time for arguments.
I hurry my steps to follow her down the hall, past a door; she points to my left, to the garden area they have, while she goes to the right. As I walk towards it, I see through the windows the volunteers and workers playing with some of the dogs they have. I reach the fenced garden area, opting to sit on one of the benches, observing the toys in some baskets gathered around.
I hear Yelena’s footsteps followed by quiet paws. She enters with a young retriever, golden fur a little messy. It’s missing one eye, but the tongue lolling outside his mouth gives him the perfect face. I want to squeeze him immediately.
She takes his leash off, letting him walk free. I don’t say anything, just observe him. In contrast, he sits, equally observing me with his good eye. I tilt my face; he does the same. I stand, he stands. I laugh at that.
I sit on the floor, apparently cueing him to walk slowly towards me, sniffing the hand I put in front of me. He gives me a very thorough sniff inspection before getting distracted by my purse. He sniffs until he snatches my leftovers from lunch. Two thin pepperoni pizza slices. He lays down next to me, putting one paw on my foot, munching quietly on one of them. I can’t help but smile at that. Who would have thought?
“Uh,” Yelena exclaims.
I tentatively pet his soft fur. He sighs contentedly, the other pizza slice forgotten.
“Does this handsome guy have a name?” I say as I keep petting him. Lucky turns his belly at me. I can’t help but laugh and think about the still somehow terrible survival instincts he has.
“We named him Lucky; he’s around three years old. Clint, our director, rescued him from a gang two years ago. He thinks that’s how he lost his eye. He’s been here since. Everybody always passes him.”
Yelena walks closer to us, sitting on the other side of Lucky; he now has his head on my lap. I scratch behind his ear. He closes his eyes, a contented sigh escaping his snout.
“He has never done this with the few interested persons that have come to see him,” she says. And I know Yelena. I can hear the slight hope in her voice.
“You’re not saying this to guilt-trip me, are you?”
“I would never. Not with pets involved,” she says, hand petting Lucky’s fur. And I know it’s true. She’s a fierce protector of animals. Always lifting her voice against animal cruelty. I admire her for standing up for the ones that don’t have a voice.
“Well… then I will fill out the adoption application, Lena.” It takes me more time to say it than it takes Yelena to stand up and leave the room.
After a few days, a daily visit at the shelter to see him, and a hard time keeping the secret from Kate (and actually seeing her sad, because apparently she knows Clint and he told her about the rescue and then Yelena told her Lucky was finally adopted and was going to a good home), I’m finally on my way to pick him up.
I already have everything we’re going to need for him at home. Bed, bowls, food, toys, blankets, a special crate, and a small gate to divide his area, making his own space. Luckily for me, Eleanor convinced Kate to accompany her to a board meeting in Chicago. They’re coming back tomorrow afternoon, plenty of time for Lucky to navigate the loft and practice what I need him to practice. Good thing for me, he’s very food motivated.
Kate already texted me that they will be arriving in an hour. I finished arranging the living room. Put the wine in the fridge, along with our “Adult Lunchables,” as Kate keeps referring to our charcuterie tables. The special pizza for Lucky is in the oven along with ours.
I call him, and I’m happy to hear his paws happily walking towards me.
“Sit,” he obeys. I scratch behind his ear, allowing me time to place his brand new and special purple collar and bandana with a bow tie, made specifically for this occasion. He proceeds to go and lie on his ridiculous comfy and fluffy bed.
I can confirm what all the songs said is true: when you know, you just know.
The time goes slower than I would like, until I finally hear the keys on the door. Lucky perks his ear at that, but I signal him to stay and lie there. He tilts his head but obeys me.
“Honeeeeyyyy!” I hear Kate’s beautiful voice enter the loft. “I’m home.” I don’t let her finish the rest of what she’s going to say, hugging her and promptly kissing her. She happily obliges, lifting me, making my legs wrap her hips, her hands supporting my weight. She navigates us to the couch.
“Miss me that much?” She says between kisses.
“I always miss you,” I say, kissing her back. I feel Kate’s body switch my back towards the couch, and as much as I like where this could go… I’m reminded of the surprise I have.
“Kate…” I say as she kisses my neck. On command, I tilt my neck to give her better access.
“Yeah baby, say my name.” Kate’s husky voice makes me almost forget about it.
“Babe, stop.”
Kate pulls away from me immediately, her hands leaving my body, confusion and pain clearly visible in her eyes. I grab her face between my hands, looking directly into her eyes, the first signs of tears showing.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It’s just… There’s something I have for you,” I say, tracing the first tear rolling with my thumb. “Not that I was against you having me here, which I’m all up for it but—”
“You’re rambling,” Kate says, voice small but calm.
“Right.” As I sit, I try to position my body so Kate can’t see beyond the room, knowing perfectly that when I say the word, Kate will know for sure what kind of surprise I have. “Come here boy,” I say, back turned towards Kate.
“Boy?” Kate’s voice sounds behind me, but it’s promptly silenced when the sound of paws makes their way to the couch. I stand up to let her see him and for her to actually see what’s on him. I feel my leg start to tremble.
Kate kneels on the floor as soon as she sees him, making grabby hands, as Lucky walks happily towards her. Once he’s within Kate’s reach, I signal for him to sit. He obediently does.
“Surprise!” I say to Kate.
“You’re the one who adopted him?” She says, already scratching behind his ear. Peppering kisses around his face. Lucky, content to just be showered in love.
“I did.” I start biting my nails as soon as I see Kate inspecting Lucky’s collar. Because attached to it, next to his pizza slice tag, is a custom-made white gold ring with arrow motifs all around it, the tips meeting in the center, with a beautiful little diamond—since I know Kate wouldn't like something so flashy. The bandana on him saying “I said yes. Would you?”
“Y/N.” I see Kate finishing reading the bandana, turning towards me. Hand still on Lucky’s collar.
“Kate, I know it took us a lot of time to finally figure things out, we lived many years on almost, chasing hopes and” I let out the remaining air that was on my lungs, as I kneel to take the ring from Lucky’s collar, and as soon as I’m done, he walks happily back to his bed on the other side of the room. "I’d really like to spend the rest of my life being sure. Would you marry me?” I say, observing her, trying to gauge her reaction. Ring between my fingers in front of her.
Kate observes me, lips slightly parted, sweat coming from her forehead; after all, she came home straight from the heat and road. She smiles, chuckling, shaking her head, hand going to her pocket, taking out a tiny velvet box.
“You know Bean… I was wondering the same thing.” She opens the box. Inside, a beautiful white and gold ring, with a small diamond in the center.
I am left speechless. I opt to grab her by the collar and kiss her; she hugs me, anticipating the fall. Good thing the carpet is really soft.
“So, is that a yes?” She says, watching me, hands securing me against her.
“A thousand times yes”
“Good”
I straddle her lap to slip the ring into her finger, taking a moment to observe her hand. I feel Kate’s eyes on me. I plant a kiss on her palm. Kate then lets go of my hand and slides the ring, observing how it fits perfectly. I’m about to kiss her again when Lucky chooses that time to come up and leave his toy on the floor, silently asking Kate to play with him.
“You bought him a pizza toy?” She says, squeaking the toy, making Lucky wave his tail fast.
“You’re the one who kept calling him pizza dog on all the pics Yelena posted on Instagram about his possible adoption”
“Heck yes I did. Clint told me it was the first thing he gave him.”
“You’re such a dork”
“And yet you’re going to marry me,” she says, unaffected by the words she just said, already playing fetch with Lucky, standing up to go and inspect his new little space.
I can’t help but think that yes, I’m marrying my dork.
It’s been two weeks since Kate and I got engaged. We’ve been keeping things under the radar, as much as we can. Yelena, of course, already knew, and made us promise she would be the one doing the logistics.
Natasha appeared with a box of cupcakes with a note reading “N&B”, and an HR paper about work relationships (disguised as very bureaucratic advice on telling me to ask for a prenup), I told her Kate didn’t even work here; she replied with a shrug and an “Agnes sent it”. I completely forgot Bishop Security does work for Harkness Corp.
Which explained the very expensive espresso machine I found when I arrived at home. The expensive-looking card read: “Congratulations on your engagement. Good coffee saves marriages. Bad coffee starts arguments. Choose wisely.—A.”
Kate whistled when she saw it while I was trying to think how she could have known that. She just commented on Ms. Harkness being Ms. Harkness.
On another smaller metallic box, the velvet inside made an exquisite work of protecting a very expensive-looking crystal honey jar. A golden label on it read: “Elvish Honey. Made in Turkey” The envelope had a tea leaf drawn across the corner to the center. Inside, black stationery with gold edges, folded three times, perfectly. “May every cup remind you why you stayed.— R”
“Who’s R? And why are they sending you a very expensive honey jar?” Kate asks while moaning at the sinful spun she just tasted.
“A…friend,” I managed to say while smiling. Never thought I would hear from her again… not until a very advanced age. Guess some ancient presences did take an interest in me after all.
And my mom. I just sent her a picture of our hands, rings in first place; she replied with a “Finally. I expect you both for dinner soon”
So enough to say, I was very nervous about doing social gatherings. I wanted to enjoy this bubble a little more. But Peter Parker, being the genius he is, got promoted at work and invited us to the party Mr. Stark was doing to celebrate his promotion. We all know Stark just wants an excuse to party. We didn’t have the heart to tell him that.
I take one last look at the mirror while I put my earrings on, Kate coming from the bath behind me. My dress matches her suit beautifully. The color accentuating the blue of her eyes. She embraces me from the back. I grab her hands between mine, tracing her ring.
“How do I get so lucky?”
I look at her through the mirror.
“I’m the lucky one,” I reply, getting lost in the love I see reflected back in her eyes.
I hear Lucky bark from downstairs, making me smile. I turn around, grabbing Kate’s lips. A contented sigh can be heard. Neither of us knows exactly who it was.
“Ready?” She says, tucking my hair behind my ear. With a smile on her face, she’s wearing the Gucci perfume I love, and she just likes.
“Yeah. Let’s get done with this,” I say as I grab my clutch, putting my cellphone on it. Getting downstairs, Kate promptly behind me. As I grab our coats, I see Kate going to pet Lucky, peppering him with kisses, telling him good boy, while giving him a treat to keep him occupied for the next… ten minutes or so.
When we enter the room where Stark is hosting the party, I can see a lot of people already there. I wasn’t exactly sure what Peter’s promotion was, just understood something about technology on cellphones. Which explains why when I recovered my phone, certain things were missing. Apparently Scott and Peter hacked my backup to reinstall things that wouldn’t re-traumatize my brain while recovering.
Kate sees Scott close to the bar; he’s with Hope. We make our way towards them. I see a waiter with some canapés; I take the opportunity to snatch a few before reaching them.
“Oh, my God!” Hope says. Based on her eyes on my hand, she saw the ring. She engulfs me in a hug so tight it gets hard to breathe.
“When did this happen? Congratulations, by the way,” she says while grabbing my hand. Scott looks confused until he sees what the hype is with Hope.
“Wait… so did you two?” He leaves the rest on the air.
“Hell, yeah. I put a ring on it!” Kate says, fist-bumping him. Scott, ever the guy, grabs Kate's fist. Both dancing goofily.
“Oh my God, Kate, you didn’t,” I say as I laugh at seeing her so free and happy. Hope catches a glimpse of Kate’s finger as well.
“She’s been saving that since day one.” I turn around to see Yelena, champagne flute in her hand, approaching with Natasha. I nod politely at her. For some reason, I get a blush when seeing her outside of work now, since that day, after I made what Kate now calls an aphrodisiac charcuterie table to seduce her (she googled the items), we ran into her on the elevator. It took a smirk and an eyebrow lift for both of us to blush like tomatoes.
“Congratulations are in order then,” she finally said. And I swear, those two sisters are too secretive for their own good. She then excused herself in order to go and find her own gang.
“Thank you,” I managed to say. Despite the box of cupcakes she and Bucky gave us, nothing else had been said or addressed.
“Have you seen Peter?” Kate asks, her arm grabbing my waist. I lean into her, tracing her hand with my own, the other grabbing the flute Yelena gave me.
“He was around with MJ. Said something about having to go on stage or something,” Scott says, returning to his own talk with Kate and Natasha.
We talk animatedly about jobs, new shows or movies we want to see, trying to work around schedules for the next game night and engagement party. Between drinks and canapés, the night flows easily.
“Hello everyone. Can I have your attention please?” We turn to see the famous Tony Stark on the stage. Expensive suit and tie, an impossibly well-defined beard, signature glasses on. “We’re all gathered here because I have some exciting news to share.” He takes an envelope someone gives him. Opening slowly.
“We’re unveiling our clean-energy initiative.” We hear cheers, claps, and loud cheering around us.
I feel a knot in my stomach. Many times Wanda and I talked about what the technology of Stark could do if used to help the planet. Once, I even joked, saying I'd bet her a thousand dollars that she'd be the one managing the department if someone over there could make Tony listen to her ideas.
Kate senses my mood shift, turning to look at me, a question in her eyes. And all tension automatically leaves my shoulders as I see in her eyes the adoration covered in worry. I nod with my head; she turns back to the stage after a few seconds. I feel her hand squeeze my waist. I squeeze her hand back. I lay my head on her shoulder.
“Now, now this wouldn’t be possible if not for the two very talented and now very expensive employees.” He motions with his hand for them to be on stage. I see Peter walk somehow awkwardly on the stage, waving at us once he sees us. His tie is a little crooked.
And then Wanda, a dark wine red dress, matching with her loose red hair. She looks more mature, rejuvenated… happier, if her smile is any indication.
I can’t help but smile at seeing her so at peace.
“You knew she would be here?” I hear Yelena’s accent slip when she asks Scott, who definitely is looking anywhere but us.
“Scott!” She scolds him. Smacking his shoulder.
“I did know,” he covers behind Hope. Fortunately, Yelena just curses him in Russian.
“Lena.” Kate voice makes Yelena stop cursing. “It’s fine”
Yelena turns around and looks at me. Embraced Kate’s arms, I nod. Mouthing an “It is” silently. It looks like it's enough to calm her down. Grabbing another flute from somewhere.
“Apparently, competence is contagious.” Stark continues speaking. “Parker, Maximoff.” He dramatically pauses. “Congratulations on becoming Lead Engineer and Product Launch Operations, respectively.”
Stark gives them each a small metallic plaque.
“HR insists I call this ‘recognizing outstanding performance.’ I call it ‘making sure neither of you accepts a better offer somewhere else.”
There is laughter around the room.
“Promotions aren’t rewards. They’re expensive ways of giving you more problems. Congratulations to both of you.… And yes, they come with raises. I’m not a monster. Now please, everybody enjoy this party before HR comes and forbids me to keep doing announcements this way.” He leaves the stage right after. I see Peter and Wanda come down.
I can’t help but follow Wanda with my eyes.
I see her stand next to Pietro; he hugs her, lifting her and turning her around. When he places her back on the floor, I see a man approaching.
I don’t need to look twice to see Jarvis Vision getting closer. Two boys in his arms, no older than about a year and a half. One of them makes grabby hands towards Wanda. She happily carries him. I turn around when I see her closing the distance between her and Jarvis.
“You good?” I hear Kate whisper in my ear. And because I know her, I notice the hint of worry in her voice.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I say, making her look at me.
Kate looks at my face, searching for any kind of sign that I was affected by Wanda’s presence.
“Because I know what she represented, Bean”
“You said it yourself, Bishop: represented. Past. You’re my present and my future.” I see her beam at this, any doubt leaving the beautiful blue eyes I’m lucky to see every morning.
Peter distracts us at that same moment; he’s too excited to form any coherent phrase, but we congratulate him. I know he worked so hard to earn his place in the company, and I’m honestly so happy for him. He deserves it. I feel a pair of eyes on me. I don’t need to be a spy or mind reader to know that they belong to Wanda.
I grab Kate’s hands, excusing us for a moment from the group. We just take some steps aside from the group.
“I do feel like I need to go and congratulate her though,” I say while caressing her hand.
“Of course, bean,” Kate says, letting go of my hand. I tighten my grip on her.
“I want you to come with me, sweetheart,” and I know it’s not because I need the reassurance, but so Kate knows I’m not going anywhere back towards a plan that no longer matches my future.
We walk, slowly, hand in hand. I feel Wanda’s eyes glued to me. I lift my sight to meet her gaze. I see a gasp escaping her lips, immediately being replaced by a genuine smile. Jarvis says something to her and goes with Pietro, sitting on the chairs of a high-backed table a few meters from Wanda.
“I see congratulations are in order,” I say as I approach her. Wanda laughs and extends her hand. I hug her instead. She hugs me back as much as she can with the sleepy boy on her arms. Releasing me after a few seconds.
“And who's this handsome boy?” I see and coo at the sleepy boy in her arms. Wanda readjusts him a little. His tiny hand on a fist, thumb in his mouth
“This is Billy, and over there with… uh, with Vis, is Tommy.” She clears her throat, but as I turn to see the other boy in question, I see the undeniable love in her eyes at seeing her twins.
“I guess I owe you a thousand dollars.” Wanda says and laughs, shaking her head, making me effectively turn and see a small blush on her face. A telling point she got shy about the attention, or she’s embarrassed for addressing something we said while being a couple.
“Congratulations Maximoff,” I hear Kate say, extending her hand to shake Wanda’s.
“Thank you, Bishop,” Wanda says, but they shake hands amicably. I’m relieved there’s no animosity between them.
Kate motions for the waiter to bring us three champagne flutes, giving one to Wanda, one to me, and one to her. At that exact moment, when I grab mine from Kate, I hear Wanda gasp.
“You’re engaged?” I hear the surprise in her voice. One thing is seeing Kate, and I walk hand in hand; another is seeing the rings on our hands.
“We are,” I say, confirming exactly the silent question that wasn’t addressed.
“That’s… Congratulations, detka,” I heard the nickname a thousand times, under different circumstances. There’s no romantic connotation this time.
“Can I see?” She asks, looking at my hand. I reply by extending it towards her. She barely grabs my finger, admiring the ring Kate put there.
A loud cry can be heard from the other side of where we are. Three pairs of eyes turn towards the source. I see a very calm Jarvis trying to get a very loud and screaming Tommy.
“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Wanda says, staying a few seconds there. I offer my hand; she takes it.
“It was nice to see you, Wanda. Maternity looks good on you. Congratulations again” She leaves my hand, smiling sincerely at my words.
“Congratulations again, Maximoff.” Kate offers her hand again.
“Thanks. Don’t become a stranger, Y/L/N,” she says, starting to walk back, before stopping and turning towards Kate.
“Thank you for making her happy, Bishop.” Kate just nods. We stand there. I sip on my champagne, seeing Wanda interact with her family. I turn around, tugging Kate with me.
After we arrive home, as I’m taking my makeup off and Kate took Lucky to a quick pit stop, I can’t help but wonder about the night. I always thought it would be weird seeing Wanda in person again. I know our paths might cross eventually. I did the reasonable thing and kept all her social media profiles hidden. Not that Wanda was much of a social media girl, but still.
I felt so relieved that it was just genuine happiness for her and not about what I felt.
I lay on the bed when I hear her coming back, Lucky’s grunt at his paws being cleaned. A few minutes later, my beautiful fiancée comes up into view.
“See something you like, bean?” She playfully says, crawling her way to me.
“I do.” I grab her to kiss her lips. A slow and tender battle of tongues. There’s no need to rush it.
“You know?” She says, looking me directly in the eyes. I nod, prompting her to continue. “I want one of our own,” she says, and I see a small blush on her cheeks.
It takes me a few minutes to understand what she’s talking about. The gears in my mind finally click.
“Kate…” I say, my lips stay parted.
“I’m not saying right now, or in a couple of years. But someday,” she grabs my hands, kissing them, proceeding to kiss my stomach. “I would like a family of our own,” she kisses it again.
“A little Bishop boy or girl running around,” I say, and now it’s my turn to hear her gasp.
“You…You would take on my last name?” She says, and I can see the smirk forming. Instead of answering her verbally, I open my drawer, taking out the teddy bear.
“Well… you basically manifested it since we were fourteen.” Kate reaches for the bear. A smile impossible bigger on her face.
“I love you, future Mrs. Y/N Bishop”
“It does have a nice ring to it.” My lips reach hers. Foreheads touching. “And I love you, Kate Bishop”
I would fight again my way back from the hands of death, if only for her smile, for this kiss.
It makes all the bumps in the road that led us to this exact moment… Worth it.
You definitely made Wanda’s and R’s relationship feel real and earned. I think you did the buildup really well which made the break up so gut-wrenching. Especially when R kept asking Wanda if they were good before the accident and Wanda kept saying yes and just not letting her touch her stomach. And in the hospital when Wanda ignored her calls saying y/n was more important. I feel like Wanda really did love her 😭
YES I WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU COULD WRITE A VERSION WHERE THEY WORK IT OUT!! How would you do it with the pregnancy? Not that I want Wanda to get rid of the twins, would R just be in a relationship with Wanda and not be involved?
Thank you anon 😍. I wanted to make justice to all characters involved and not make anyone into a villain!
For the Wanda/Reader thing, it would have to be a kind of What If…? Situation, that opened the door to the universe where Reader and Wanda work things out around the pregnancy (and what involved) I actually have something in mind already :)
Just need to finish writing this last chapter and gladly would start writing the alterstory!
I was hooked on matter of heart and I’ve been waiting for an update. But the update from last night is so gut-wrenching omg. I needed the whole last night to recover bc I was so sad 😭 I knew that Wanda and R would break up bc of the pregnancy, but I wanted them to work out anyway. I wanted it so badly.
Hey anon.
It means a lot what you wrote. My plan was always to make Wanda/Reader’s love feel real and earned. I had so many ideas of how this story could go, just knowing Kate/Reader was endgame. But if you’re interested… I can write a version where they work it out 😊
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader, Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader
Word count: 7,406k
A/N: Bold italics are text messages. Welcome to Chaos with Consequences: Clarity with Emotional Damage. Italics are memories.
A/N: I had so much fun writing this story and for these characters. This part is splitted on part A and B (don't worry, both are posted today!) I hope you guys like this part. (If you want to read it as one, it's also on AO3 under the same name.
Kate starts avoiding me soon after.
On Wednesday morning I sent the application form.
On Thursday afternoon they informed me that I got the apartment.
On Friday at lunch I went to pick up the keys and sign the contract. The apartment won’t be ready until the end of the month, merely nine days away.
Saturday morning comes, I’m drinking slowly my coffee, watching the kitchen clock tic-tac. I’m supposed to be at Wanda’s in an hour. Kate was supposed to help me. I’m not sure if that’s still the plan.
Kate enters the kitchen, a small good morning coming out of her lips, grabbing her coffee and disappearing. Only to reappear and say that she’ll be ready in twenty. Scott and Peter are coming to help as well.
Logistically it would have been easier. Practically, there’s too many people for the amount of work that needs to be done. Despite me living with Wanda for a little more than a year, eighty percent of the things were already here. Kate basically dropped us and decided to stay on the car, looking out as she put it. Peter bailed twenty minutes after arrival because MJ texted him.
Wanda left shortly after Peter.
We did hug this time.
Scott started packing my skin care products and things from the bathroom. I started with my clothes and small things I had in the bedroom. I’m taking the humidifier.
And now I’m packing my office. The only room in Wanda’s house that was technically all mine. I did buy ninety percent of the things. I decided to leave it all to her, just bringing my books, stationery supplies and gadgets. I am almost done packing here, Scott already brought down my things from the room, the kitchen, the first two office boxes and one box of books.
I’m picking the last row of boxes, I grab one of my favorites. The one I used to read to Wanda from time to time when she asked. The first book from my favorite author. As I flip the pages, I thought about all the times I saw Wanda reread it. I often told her that, no matter the times you read the same book, if you keep an open mind, you’ll find new things.
I leave it on the desk.
Kate takes us to a small storage room I already had. Advantages of renting furnished places in the past, moving came easier. So when I moved in with Wanda, the things I had left that didn’t make it there, came here. Scott always the gentleman helps me put the boxes and suitcases on it. I might need to come and check out what I left here before taking it to my new apartment.
While Scott is busy deciding where to have lunch with Kate, I text Yelena, I need a favor and she’s the only person at the moment I trust. She calls me exactly ten minutes later, saying something about her sister being in panic mode and needed reinforcements and since I already know and work with Natasha, I have to come and help. Kate and Scott buy my lame excuse to leave not before eating lunch with them per Kate’s insistence.
At exactly five thirty in the afternoon I’m back at what is my new apartment. Renovations are almost done. I asked them to re-do kitchen appliances and the stairs. The contractor told me it was part of the work they already would have done, but now they were done to my liking. The new lighting looks really cool. But at the moment, this space just looks like a dusty big room.
Last time, I didn’t have the chance to show Kate the small balcony it had.
I go outside to the balcony. The view is quite nice, it might not be as high, but you can see the bay from here. It’s quiet. It’s liberating. It’s mine. I took Agnes advice and let the new hefty check, go to my head (probably not the best impulse) but after a few calls to the realtor, and putting Agnes Harkness as a reference, they accepted my offer to buy it. I close my eyes to enjoy the breeze.
“It’s quiet up here” a really familiar voice says from the inside of the apartment.
“I was wondering when you would arrive” I say, eyes still closed. Gathering a few seconds to calm my beating heart. I finally turn and see here. Really see her.
Honey, she still chuckles at that, is for once, not dressed in green. She wasn’t dressed in black either.
She was black.
Layer upon layer of heavy fabric fell from her shoulders until it dissolved into the floor, as though darkness itself had decided to take human form. Around her neck rose an elaborate collar of twisted branches and blackened roots, climbed over her torso in winding patterns that reminded me of tangled vines reclaiming forgotten ruins, an armor, framing her with something ancient enough to make the room feel suddenly smaller. Every fold moved a heartbeat after she did, giving the unsettling impression that the gown wasn’t following her… it was choosing to.
A crown of dark branches rested lightly against her curls. It wasn’t ornate enough to be royal, nor severe enough to be threatening. It looked as though the forest itself had decided she belonged to it.
She smiled.
Of course she did.
My eyes open a little as I take a look at all of her. Honestly marveling at the ancient look she has. And for the first time in my life, I don’t feel a chill running through my spine.
I smile back.
Then it happens. For less than the space between one heartbeat and the next, the left side of her face simply… isn’t there. Warm olive skin gives way to smooth ivory, the elegant curve of a cheekbone catching the light before disappearing into the delicate line of exposed teeth. One impossibly dark eye socket stares back at me—not empty, just… endless.
I blink. The glimpse is gone. Only Honey remains. Watching me with the same patient expression she’d worn since she saw me on the asphalt.
I don’t ask what I saw. Somehow… I already know.
“You said it was also about healing”
“You reached that conclusion on your own.” she comes closer, stands next to me. We both gaze through the window. A few seconds later, I turn around and sit on the staircase steps. Still gazing through the window. Honey grabs a cup of tea from thin air, it doesn’t seem real by any logic.
“That day, of the accident. Why didn’t you take me?” I turn my eyes towards her not really expecting an answer.
There’s silence. Honey drinks her tea, calmly, looking out the window, the clouds of light rain forming around the slightly visible moon.
“I've never met anyone who fought so hard to keep holding my sister’s hand.” She finally answers. “I got curious. Then I saw why.”
“You were the one who set these battles in motion by confronting me with who I used to be.”
“We finally agree on something, cariño. But I didn’t set the battles, you picked them years ago, I just took the blindfold” She comes closer to me, leaving a significant amount of space between us, but she feels really close.
“I don’t know how people kept betting on me when I needed to sort things out first.” I said
“That was kind of Agatha.”
“Agatha?” It’s the first time Honey has mentioned someone by name. And it has a strange ring to a name I know.
“Did I say Agatha?” For the first time I see her blink.
“…Yes.”
“Hm.” She sips tea as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. I look around the empty space. Double ceilings making it look wider.
“It is wide” Honey says, exactly like Kate said. She turns to look at me, tilting her head, mischievous smile barely visible on her olive skin.
“I’m in love with her” I casually say.
“I know”
There’s no need to explain further, to elaborate more. A conclusion I reached last night, at 02:00 a.m. while I slept on Kate’s guest room, eyes glued to the ceiling, heart beating strong and normal. I didn’t get the butterflies, the hole in my stomach, sweaty palms or any sort of those things. And then… I gave myself permission to feel it… and I just felt peace.
Sighing I stand ready to go. Leaving the apartment for nine days, until it finally will be ready to move in. Honey stands in front of the window, cloak forming from the vines around her. As she turned her head, the moon caught her profile again just the wrong angle. Flesh became translucent. Again, the pale arc of bone beneath her cheek, the suggestion of ivory teeth where lips should have hidden them…and then warm skin settled over it once more.
It wasn’t frightening… it never was. It was…Honest.
“Rio” she says. “Rio Vidal.”
I genuinely smile, because I don’t need to ask what that means. I just know.
She walks towards the balcony as I see the moon shining bright above us. Making way though the clouds. Back towards me.
“Te veo luego cariño”
“Not for a long time, no”
She stops, turns hear head a little and nods. The clouds engulf the moon for a brief second. When it reappears, Rio’s no longer here.
I stand there, contemplating the empty space in front of me. Something I finally, can call mine.
As I take the elevator up towards Kate’s floor, I can’t help but feel this stupid smile on my face. I’m at peace with the past three months. I know there would be a lot to discuss with Darcy, probably Sam will torture me for another two sessions, to strengthen my muscles as he put it. Bucky will have a blast Monday morning, since I took finally on his offer to be gym partners. And despite the amount of work all that would require… I’m finally feeling at peace.
Entering the apartment, I hear the TV on, noises coming from the kitchen. Kate’s probably doing a disaster there based on the amount of pots and pans I hear. When I enter I’m not prepared for what I see.
Kate’s re-organizing her cabinets, I see her hair out of her ponytail, sweat on her forehead, red cheeks… I see two trails of tears on her face, an unmistakable sign that she has been crying.
“Kate!” I yell, she screams while jumping, grabbing a spatula as her only method of defense.
“Jesus!” She says once she sees it’s just me.
“You usually call me bean” I say as I navigate the disaster the kitchen currently is at. Grabbing a vase from one of the counters, filling it with water and taking it with me to the living room. I come back a few seconds later. A simple bouquet on the vase, consisting of one stargazer lily, a couple of yellow roses, and a couple of pink peonies.
Kate’s still in shock. I grab her hand, apparently making her come back to the earth. She drops my hand and I can’t help but smile at her antics.
“Can I steal you for a few minutes before you continue?” I ask her amused. She just nods and leaves the kitchen. I follow her, vase in hand.
Kate unceremoniously sits on the couch. I sit in front of her in the coffee table, trapping her a little with the way I adjust my body. I take the folder I had left on it.
“These are for you” I say as I give her the flower and the folder.
“Y/N” Kate starts to protest, but I signal with my hand to stop and to take the things. She reluctantly does. Kate being Kate, puts the vase on the floor, disregarding them a little, before she opens the folder. I see her brows front as she reads the first page. She takes the second page, I see her slowly realizing the meaning of what’s in those papers.
“You bought the apartment?” I just nod. I see a million things forming in her mind so before she goes into rabbit hole mode I decide to talk.
I breathe in. Breathe out.
“My personal life wasn’t the only thing that changed during this past weeks. For some reason, it seems I got two kind of really strange and eccentric godmothers. When I got back to work, it was the only place that stopped along with me, Agnes made sure things were exactly where I left them and even though I didn’t felt ready…she pushed me to new horizons. I’ve been trying to get the ins and outs of the new responsibilities but…I knew I had to decide about the apartment before doing the next thing”
Kate hasn’t looked at me, eyes still on the folder, hand playing with the rim of the paper, legs tucked under her. Totally closed to me.
“You were right. I’ve been asking you to understand things I never actually said.” I try to search her eyes, but Kate just briefly lifts her gaze and goes back to analyze the document in front of her.
“The thing is, I also needed to understand them.”
Breath in. Breath out.
“I finally understood what Wanda meant about having unresolved things with Jarvis. Turns out…” I take the folder out of Kate’s hands, taking the opportunity to keep her hands between mine. “I also had an unresolved person in my life.”
Kate gasp, finally lifting her head to look at me. I can feel the small tug of her hands trying for a minimal fraction to free them from my grasp.
“I’m tired of almost and hopes too.”
“Bean” Kate’s unshed tears shine under the light, making her beautiful blue irises reminiscing me of clear summer pools.
My heart speeds up, I swear Kate can feel my palms starting to sweat.
“I love you Kate… more than a friendly way.”
I keep watching her looking for a reaction. Any kind of sign she heard me. She just keep looking at me, poker face on. The words hang between them, impossibly fragile.
She doesn’t answer. I keep watching the silence grow. Every heartbeat marking the stretch of silence.
I feel the corners of my mouth lift into the smallest smile—not happy, just gentle enough to soften the sting before it arrives.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just… wanted you to know.”
I look at the floor, almost embarrassed by my own bravery, shifting my weight back, ready to give Kate an escape. I start losing my grip on Kate’s hand, enough for the distance between us begin to grow.
Kate moves before she has time to think. Her fingers brushing the back of my knuckles before sliding carefully into her palm, stopping me completely. Kate’s eyes fall to our joined hands. I follow her gaze.
I imagined this for a long time. I wasn’t prepared at how natural it would feel. My thumb strokes once across Kate’s knuckles—a quiet reassurance that somehow steadies us both.
I feel Kate’s eyes on me. Irises impossible blue, full of hope.
“I’ve spent years imagining what I’d say if you ever told me that.” A breath of a laugh escapes her, warm with disbelief. “Turns out…” She shakes her head, smiling helplessly. “…I still don’t have the words.”
“Kate…” I feel my eyes shine. Kate’s body re-arranges, legs coming to plant on the floor. Hand slowly, tentatively coming to cup my cheek, I lean into it, my own hand securing hers.
“You could’ve led with the ‘I love you’ part.” I laugh because that’s the most accurate thing Kate could say.
Kate’s thumb brushes once beneath my eye, catching a tear before it can fall a quiet sigh I don’t realize I let out. Kate’s shoulders loosen. I see her leaning into my personal space. Just a Slowly.
Until only a breath separates us. Close enough I can feel the warmth of her. Close enough that either of us could still change our mind. Kate searches my face. My Y/E/C eyes.
“Can I kiss you now?”
I let out a watery laugh, my forehead nearly bumping Kate’s as I smile.
“I was starting to think you’d never ask.”
Kate laughs too. Wonderfully real. The sound dissolving the last of the fear between us. She leans in. Stops a breath away. I study her for one lingering heartbeat, committing this version of Kate to memory—the nervous smile, the damp eyes, the hand still cupping my face like something precious.
Our foreheads come together instinctively, noses brushing as we let out the breath we’d been holding. Kate’s hand slips from my cheek only to settle at the side of my neck, her thumb absentmindedly tracing the familiar line beneath my ear.
Kate’s lips brush mine once, so lightly I almost feel like I imagined. She starts to pull back, searching my face with a question still lingering in her eyes.
I answer by barely following her, enough that our lips meet again. This time she lingers. Kate exhales softly against me. My hand, still wrapped around the other hand of Kate, tightens just enough for her to feel it.
Kate’s thumb shifts against my cheek, slow enough to be almost absentminded, as though she’s trying to memorize me beneath her fingertips.
Our next kiss lasts longer. Our noses brush. I feel our breathing fall out of sync before gradually finding the same rhythm again. I smile for the briefest moment against her lips.
It makes Kate smile too.
When we part, our foreheads remain together. I don’t open my eyes yet. Kate laughs quietly, almost embarrassed making me opening my eyes. I lift our joined hands between us and press the back of Kate’s knuckles gently against my lips.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” she whispers.
“So have I.” Kate’s answering smile is almost unbearably soft.
She leans in once more. This kiss is different. More certain.
My free hand slides from Kate’s wrist to her shoulder, fingertips curling lightly into the fabric of her shirt—not pulling, simply anchoring myself. Kate’s hand slips again from my cheek to the side of my neck, where her thumb rests beneath my ear, feeling the quick pulse there.
I feel Kate smiling. I can’t help smiling too, making the kiss dissolve into quiet laughter, foreheads bumping together. Kate shakes her head with an almost disbelieving grin.
“I can’t believe that actually happened… It only took us a little more than twenty years.”
Kate tucks my hair behind my ear, smiling, blushing. I just made Kate Bishop blush on purpose by kissing her. She tilts her head a little. Brows frowning a tiny bit.
“You said you were tired of almost as well. I know when my almost was.. but yours?” She asks me, of course she was going to caught that detail.
I lean back a little bit so I can see her face. Blushing cheeks, eyes shining and not by tears, hair still out to her ponytail.
“I loved you way before Wanda” There’s a tiny little detail I still need to clarify. And since we’re going all honesty now…“Remember that time we went clubbing after finals during our first semester in college?” She just nods.
“I was gathering courage since the year before. And that night, I saw you with Jessica, then Yelena came into our circle and…well I never thought I could be an option for you” I say, tracing patterns on Kate’s hand.
“Yelena and I were never more than friends.”
“I know that now. But back then… Jessica and you were an on and off again situationship. During all of our college years I convinced myself what I felt was something I just imagined, just a best friend caring for her best friend, wanting the best for you even if it wasn’t me.”
Kate does this thing where her lips tremble when she’s feeling a lot of things and doesn’t know how which emotion dominates the field. I see the gears turning in her mind.
“But…”
“I know you stopped dating her once we graduated. I thought this was finally my chance. But during your mom’s annual gala, where she made you CEO—” I leave the words hanging there.
“I showed up with her again.” Kate says, now she’s the one kissing my palm.
“I shoved all my feelings back. Convinced myself it wasn’t mean to be. Six months later—“
“You met Wanda at the Starks Gala”
I just nod. If we’re doing memory lane, there’s no point calling all the points we reached.
“I did fall in love with her. We were just two persons that bonded by the unresolved persons we had in our lives. Doesn’t matter if our love was real, sooner or later, we were bound to take opposite directions. I’m not sorry about it. I’m just sorry it took me a really close encounter with—” I smile, thinking about Rio. Whose probably around sipping tea and stealing pills, nodding about my life lessons “The accident took the blindfold out off my eyes.”
“Bean…I think we can officially declare we were just two idiots in lo-” Kate’s eyes widen, letting my hand go to cover her mouth. She stands, ready to leave. “I didn’t say that, you didn’t hear that!”
Laughing, I gran her hand to stop her. Putting my arms around her neck. Kate’s hand immediately grabs my waist. Securing me against her. My forehead touches her.
“I just admitted I love you, silly”
“Say it again” Kate closes her eyes.
“I love you” Her smile brightens all her face.
“And I love you, Y/N” she pecks my lips.
“Kate?” Despite the happy turn it took this conversation, there’s still one more thing I need to address.
“Yeah?.”
“I…” i think this is the hardest thing I need to confess. Fears of rejection come to my mind, scenarios where Kate doesn’t accept this. Shaking those thoughts out of my head, letting my heart speak, doing this talk, fear and all. Geronimo.
“I do want to see where this could go… properly, but slowly. I know I need time to keep healing, but I don’t want it to become another excuse. I want to heal next to you, with you.”
Kate studies my face, smile still visible.
“Of course.”
Kate brings me closer to her, hugging me like she has never hugged me before. I can feel her strong arms around me, and because I’m so close to her I feel the slight tremble in her hands. I disentangle my arms from her neck, covering her hands with mine, steadying them.
“I’m not going anywhere. No more running” I feel Kate’s nodding against my shoulder.
“So… can I keep kissing you?” She says against my shoulder. I laugh, cupping her cheeks, pecking her lips. My hand grabs Kate’s neck not to pull her towards me, just to anchor me. I feel Kate’s heartbeat steady. For the first time in months, mine is too.
Monday’s morning comes and the teasing from Natasha about my smile should be insufferable. She kept asking, I kept silently smiling.
Bucky’s routine was indeed abominable but he took a little pity on me by letting me do four repetitions instead of five on each exercise.
Yelena was a whole different case.
She argued all Sunday afternoon, about how ridiculous cute we were being it was actually gross, and how it finally the “two idiots were done being idiots”. Yet, she refused the invitation to leave after the movie was done. She petulantly sat between Kate and I, only to end up yelping and sitting on the floor when Kate and I joined hands behind her back.
My routine didn’t change a lot. Kate still slept in her room, I still slept in mine, we basically went to our normal day. They are just tiny (big!) differences now. I get to hug her whenever I want, we go grocery shopping holding hands, fingers intertwined mind you!. Kate steal kisses every chance she gets. Movie nights are spent cuddled.
When my apartment is finally ready to move in, I politically declined Yelena, Scott and Peter to help (there wasn’t much to bring but the same boxes I left on the storage) with a promise of buying beer, pizza and dessert when we assemble the furniture.
It was just me and Kate, eating pizza on the floor, watching the sunset later on the balcony. Papers left between us, discarded coffee cups, forgotten soda cans and bottles of water, forgotten between kisses, laughters and talks. The kind of talk that has always been easy with her.
Kate went with me to chose basically all my furniture, and appliances, Yelena complained about being the third-wheel the whole ride… after she invited herself. Yet, her smile at us when she thought I wasn’t seeing makes me know she’s happy we finally figured it out. She also made a huge deal about the mattress when I asked Kate to lay on it and try it with me.
That was the first night we spend it on the new apartment. We literally just slept in each other’s arms. Waking up to watch Kate asleep, reminded me of the times I woke up at the hospital, where I watch her sleep uncomfortably on the couch. And of the others times when the urge to tuck the hair out of her face became a battle of wills only for me to always retract my hand.
I can freely do it now.
It’s been almost six months between dates that aren’t called dates, stolen kisses here and there, tentative touches. Since I moved out, Kate and I have found a routine that works for us. Sometimes I stay with her, and sometimes she stays with me. Interestingly, neither of us has spent more than one day in a row at the other's house. Also, neither of us has made a move to take things to the next level, either. Even though we've gotten into some really intense make-out sessions.
Kate keeps respecting my boundaries.
But I’m so ready to take us to the next level.
So after a very intense text combo with Yelena, I asked Kate to have lunch with me at the Hangry Hypo.
I can’t help but smile at the nickname. It slips so easily from Kate’s mouth.
Tiny Human 😜💕 “Hangry Hypo in… twenty minutes?”
World's Okayest Archer 😜😍 “I bet you lunch, that I’ll still arrive before you.”
World's Okayest Archer 😜😍 “Lucky for you, I don’t mind inviting a pretty girl for lunch”
Tiny Human 😜💕 “I’m the one who invited… never mind. I’ll see you in 15 minutes sweetheart!”
I texted her while I was already at the door. I try not to chew my nails while waiting for her. I feel my phone vibrate on my pocket, I just get it out to caught the glimpse of the thumbs up Yelena texted back.
A few minutes later, less than the fifteen it would take Kate to get here, I see her walking down the street. The sleeves of her blouse are rolled up, her tie is looser around her neck, her hair is down, black glasses covering her eyes. I feel my heart racing when I see her, and a warmth in my stomach that spreads downward.
Her smile brightening my day. I hug her, tiptoeing to peck her lips. Still smiling that I’m allowed to do that freely now.
“Hey beautiful” I greet her, taking her hand and going inside.
“Hello there, good looking!” Kate drops my hand in order to hug me as we walk. We get or usual table, the usual menu we both pretend to check while already knowing what to get. The only difference, being sitting side by side instead of in front of each other. I feel my leg bouncing, my nerves spiking up and down.
I see a new waiter arrive. I put my hand on Kate’s hand preventing her from ordering.
“I will have a buffalo chicken salad, a side of the special fries, mineral lemonade, no syrup added, and lots of ice, and for MY GIRLFRIEND, the pizza trick dish with a side of Caesar salad, no dressing, a zero Coke, no ice. Thank you” I say as I grab the menus and hand them back to Jeff, according to his tag name.
Kate turns to look at me, I pretend to read the specials on the napkin holder. I feel her eyes burning a hole on me.
“Bean… you…” She clears her throat before continuing “you called me your girlfriend”
“I did” I leave the specials back on the table before turning my body to face her. “Got a problem with that Katniss?” I actually smirk.
She shales her head slowly, smiling and I think I have finally left her speeches, until I see her infuriating on brand smirk. “You haven’t actually asked yet”
Of course.
I chuckle, remembering the exact movements Scott told me for the trick to work. Kate observes my attempt at what she thought (and later confessed) it was me practicing ASL. She sees a red rose appear “apparently out of nowhere”. Before she can say anything else, Jeff comes back with a heart shaped sweet pizza, “Would you be my girlfriend?” written in chocolate syrup around it.
Kate’s silence makes my leg bounce again. I observe her face, her eyes scanning the plate in front of her, lips slightly parted, suddenly she grabs the plate and starts reshaping the strawberries, covering her actions with he body. A few seconds later, she places it back in front of me. The strawberries form a YES. I turn to look at her, she’s munching on the remaining fruits.
“This is for you then” I place the rose behind her ear, tucking her hair back, my hand caressing her cheek, before pressing my lips against hers, making it official with a kiss.
“You’re so corny!”
“Say’s the one who answered yes on a pizza”
Kate laughs before grabbing me by the collar and shutting me up with a kiss. I let her. A few or some seconds later, she puts her arm behind my shoulders, shortening the small distance between us. I risk a glance at her, a softly but still infuriating smirk plastered on her face.
“How did you got away with this? I mean I know we’re regulars but our networking is just waiter level not chef level”
“Yelena helped"
“Of course”
“She’s going to be insufferable.”
“She already is”
“We might need to invite her to Disneyland”
“It’ll be worth it”
Kate laughs, but kisses my forehead, hand playing with my hair, my hand tracing patterns on her leg. We enjoy lunch as an official couple now.
Since labeling things and making them official, our make out sessions have been more… dangerous. Kate’s gotten bolder with her hands, then pulls them back the second things start getting too heated. Which is incredibly respectful of her… and deeply inconvenient for me.
I am fully aware I was the one who said we should take things slow. Boundaries and all that. And I appreciate that she’s respecting them.
The problem is… I’ve moved those boundaries.
Bishop. Sweetheart. Darling, Kate, my love, please read the room. I promise you have my enthusiastic permission.
An by all means, Kate isn’t being oblivious… No, she knows the effects her kisses are having on me but… She’s being painfully conscientious.
And I’m painfully aware that I want her in ways friendship had never prepared me for.
So I decide to take things into my own hands, not literally, but something to start things in motions if my lovely girlfriend won’t push me against the wall and take me senseless there anytime soon.
It’s a Tuesday night. I texted Kate earlier asking her to come over for dinner. After some research, strictly for science purposes, I opted to make a summer grazing board. I take my time accommodating the fresh mozzarella, some cherry tomatoes, adding fresh basil on top of the cheese. On the other side some strawberries, green grapes, figs. I add a drizzle of honey over them, leaving the small jar and honey stick next to them. I cut the toasted sourdough, adding a little olive oil and balsamic on small recipients. My last touch, a few squares of dark chocolate.
MY (still) Tiny Girlfriend 💕🥰 “Hurry up. Dinner’s ready sweetheart” (attached picture)
….
MY World’s Bestest Archer 💕🥰 “Miss me that much? 😏
MY World’s Bestest Archer 💕🥰 “I’m 5min away baby”
MY World’s Bestest Archer 💕🥰 “That’s dinner?
…
MY (still) Tiny Girlfriend 💕🥰 “It’s called a grazing board”
MY (still) Tiny Girlfriend 💕🥰 “And yes. I miss you that much! 😳
…
…
MY World’s Bestest Archer 💕🥰 “it’s called lunchables for adults”
MY World’s Bestest Archer 💕🥰 “it looks delicious though! I’m here baby!”
…
…
MY (still) Tiny Girlfriend 💕🥰 “Buzzing you in”
As I wait for Kate, I re-arrange my clothes, dusting off the imaginary wrinkles of my clothes, fixing my hair, adding a touch of the perfume I know drives her crazy. I hear her knocking the door. When I open the door I’m met with a small bouquet of pink and yellow daisy gerberas.
“Flowers because you deserve flowers everyday” my heart flips and flops, making my cheeks blush. I normally just received them on my birthday and anniversaries.
“They’re beautiful. Thank you sweetheart. Come inside, dinner is on the coffee table”
I see Kate entering the apartment, while I grab a vase for the flowers. I leave them on the kitchen counter, since the coffee table is occupied. For tonight, I left the wine on the wine fridge. Opting for a sparkling peach juice. Sue me if I don’t want alcohol just for this.
An hour later, the board looked considerably emptier. The strawberries had disappeared first—courtesy of Kate—and somehow we’d spent forty minutes arguing whether Lunchables counted as charcuterie.
“You know jellybean, I will stand on my point and say that dried tomatoes don’t belong on pizza”
“But pineapple does?”
Kate gasps dramatically, because of course she would be adamant about having pineapple on pizza, Italian roots be damned. Not that she actually has any Italian roots that we are aware of. I let Kate take the dishes to the kitchen while I pour us another glass of juice.
There are probably smoother ways to seduce your girlfriend than putting together a playlist titled “For Science.” But I’m in dire need of dramatic solutions.
When Kate returns, she smiles when she hears the music. The same music I have been playing anytime she is at my apartment. I pat the place next to me on the couch, she gladly does. Once I have her within reach I close the small distance she left, placing my hand on her cheek. I love that she leans into my touch. I observe her eyes, waiting for me to make the move.
All right Bishop, I gave you plenty of clues. Time to take what I so desperately crave.
I lean to capture her lips, slowly my hand placed still on her cheek. Kate’s hands secure my waist, a place I have come to know as her safe zone. I let my tongue ask the permission I know I don’t need but she always grants.
And here’s the thing, Kate’s always been a dominant person, in her work, in the archery field, in college, yet she lets me set the peace, set the rhythm. I feel Kate’s restraint start breaking, if the battle currently happening in the kiss is any indication.
I feel her gasp when I climb into her lap, straddling her hips, putting my arms around her neck, my hand pulling her impossible closer towards me, securing Kate, into the kiss. I take that advantage to dominate the kiss.
Placing a trail of small pecks from her lips to her ear I whisper “Stay”. Kate tightens her grip on my waist, stuttering a weakly of course. I resume kissing her lips, slowly, savoring the taste on her lips.
My heartbeat had migrated somewhere behind my ribs, loud enough that I wondered if Kate could feel it too. Warmth spread slowly through my chest before settling lower as I hear the opening bass note bloom through the room like a heartbeat amplified beneath water—soft, impossibly deep, and patient.
I had listened to this song dozens of times before.
Alone.
Driving.
Working.
Somehow…
It had never sounded like this. Maybe songs changed depending on who stood beside you. My stomach flipped so unexpectedly that I laughed into the kiss.
The steady pulse that had quietly lived beneath the melody all this time became impossible to ignore, each beat settling deeper into my chest than the last. More sounds slipped between the spaces—subtle percussion, distant echoes, swelling synths—layer upon layer, as though the music itself were taking increasingly shallow breaths.
It wasn’t rushing.
It was anticipating.
Every kiss left me wanting another—not out of impatience, but because each one seemed to uncover a part of me I hadn’t known was waiting for her.
The music tightened almost imperceptibly around us. The low pulse that had carried the song from the beginning grew steadier, fuller, gathering quiet momentum without ever losing its patience. I feel Kate tense under me. Hands bringing me closer to her, involuntarily making my hips roll into her. I know she recognized the song. Exactly giving me the reaction I was looking for.
I can’t help but picture a younger version of us, talking about this specific song when it came out.
“You know… this isn’t a song you casually dedicate to someone.” Kate had said while laying on the floor of my room, eyes closed, letting herself feel the beat.“No?” I asked, head lying on her stomach, watching the lights on the ceiling move.
Kate shakes her head. “Absolutely not.”
“Why?”
I feel Kate thinking for a second, hands touching my har.
“Because if someone dedicates this to you…they’re basically telling you they’re all in.”
I stand up to look back at her.
“Agreed.” I let myself feel the music, hear the lyrics. “It feels like… choosing someone.”
Kate nods.
“Exactly.”
I lay back other stomachs.
"Dutely noted”
I start kissing her jaw, mirroring what I did when I asked her to stay. I trace small kisses, matching the beat of the music, biting slowly her earlobe. I hear her gasp.
“If you want me” I whisper delicately, I feel Kate’s skin prickle with goosebumps. I make my way to her other ear, biting her other earlobe, hearing the most beautiful small moan. “If you need me.”
I move far enough away from her to cup her face in my hands, causing Kate to open her eyes and look at me.
“I’m yours”
Kate’s breath catches for a few seconds, lips parted, blue eyes darkening. She’s still searching for my eyes, asking silently. I nod slightly, almost imperceptibly. She sees it. I seek out her lips again, dispelling any last traces of doubt Kate might have.
I begin to move my hips, prompting Kate to follow the rhythm I set. I feel Kate’s hands rest on my hips, as if she’s considering changing the rhythm herself. In a single motion, Kate stands up, holding me in a firm, secure grip, my legs wrapped around her waist. A soft yelp escapes from my mouth at this.
“Bedroom, now,” Kay says as she claims my lips once more. Without urgency, but with renewed determination, completely taking control of the battle between our lips and tongues.
I had never doubted the concentration skills that archery had given her until Kate managed to climb the stairs to the bedroom without knocking me to the floor or stopping kissing me. She sat us down carefully on the bed.
Kate slows the pace of the kiss, beginning to kiss my neck; I tilt my head to give her better access. Kate finds the exact spot where my pulse beats, kissing it firmly without leaving a mark, but enough for me to feel my pulse quicken. Heat unfurled beneath my skin with impossible patience, spreading from every place she’d kissed until I could no longer tell where her touch ended and my own heartbeat began.
My hands begin to unbutton her blouse, one by one, until I’ve undone them all, taking my time, never stopping to kiss the lips I’d longed to kiss for so long and that, in a short time, had made me addicted to them.
I feel Kate’s hands slip from my waist, trembling as they try to slide down the front zipper of my blouse. Kate has always had the steadiest hands I know. And now… they’re trembling.
I pause the kiss to look her in the eyes. Kate chases my lips, making me laugh—which makes her open her eyes. I take her still slightly trembling hands and place them on my chest, right where my heart is beating. Kate immediately feels the rapid thump-thump it provokes in me of being with her in this position.
“I’m here.”
“I know.” Kate covers my collarbone with little kisses. “You have no idea how much I’ve been longing for this moment.” Finally, Kate’s hands work in unison and manage to slip my blouse off; hers follows soon after.
Between kisses, we gradually erased the delicate line separating our bodies; tonight, our bodies take the lead—no time, no schedule. Just Kate and me.
For a moment, our lips parted, and the vulnerability of being exposed remained there, visible to Kate’s eyes. I can feel her gaze absorbing me—for a few seconds, I feel the urge to cover myself. Until she raises her hand in an invitation.
“Come here.” Taking my hand, she guides me back to the bed, her embrace filling every pore of my skin, sending shivers down my spine as I feel Kate’s skin against mine in a way I never thought possible.
Her hands gently caress my back, exploring new areas with her fingertips in a way that makes my breath catch, drawing soft moans from my lips.
My eyes take in new details about her—the small mole near her left breast, the scar from that archery accident near her hip. I commit every moan, every gasped breath, every sigh to memory.
She lets my hands explore her in the same way—caressing, pinching, feeling her in this new way.
“Y/N”—my name, uttered in a stifled moan, has become my favorite sound.
And in an instant, Kate explores every part of my body—learning, memorizing, kissing—and I let her take all the time she needs.
Kate lavishes my body with kisses and caresses from her fingers and mouth in such an exquisite way, as if she’d been lost in a desert and now I’m her only source of water. It’s addictively delicious.
My ecstasy is so intense that my mind can conceive only one thought; my body responds to her so quickly and so effortlessly that it’s almost embarrassing.
“Kate…Kate,” I whisper her name like a prayer between moans.
This is the Kate who had been hiding behind permission and I’m surrendering to her.
KATE’S POV
The light of sunrise can be seen through the curtains.. I’ve been watching Y/N’s naked body wrapped in my arms for the last hour.
Letting myself feel the weight of her on me, her skin against my skin, her hands around my waist. I can’t help but notice, Y/N has become obsessed with my hands, securing them against her own.
I feel warmth blossom in my heart.
I understand now her quirky love for Tuesdays. Good things do happen on Tuesdays. After so many years of yearning for her, she’s finally mine.
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader, Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader
Word count: 11,682k
A/N: Bold italics are text messages. Welcome to Chaos with Consequences: Clarity with Emotional Damage.
A/N: I had so much fun writing this story and for these characters. This part is splitted on part A and B (don't worry, both are posted today!) I hope you guys like this part. (If you want to read it as one, it's also on AO3 under the same name
A/N 2: One last stop after this. 💜 The epilogue is coming next.
Y/N POV
I used to joke with Kate whenever a part of my body went numb, saying it was my “spider sense” warning me about something—even if it had nothing to do with that at all.
That tingling sensation feels like needles today. Should I talk to Sam about this?
My teeth chatter despite the numbness of my body. The rain incremented during the last… hour? Minutes? I’ve lost track of time. It shouldn't have been that long, Wanda hasn’t come back from buying groceries.
Wanda.
Wanda’s pregnant.
Wanda’s sixteen weeks pregnant.
I came out of the hospital four weeks ago. Meaning she was twelve weeks when I discovered for the first time.
Three months of lying. Three months of hiding.
The nausea hasn’t completely gone. My throat hurts from all the times I have coughed in an attempt to throw up the emptiness.
“Were you waiting for this?” I whisper as her old green dress comes closer.
“No”. I lift my head to see her keeping her stance a few meters away from me “I was waiting for you” Her lips don’t move. Her black eyes fixed on me.
“I remember… enough” enough that it hurts so much despite all the clues being there.
“The truth hurts more than the confusion.” I feel my heart beat so fast and so hard at her words, I think it might bruise my ribs again. The rain starts to slow down.
“You used to love the rain” Honey says. She chuckles.
“I did” My head looks up, letting the raindrops flow easily from my face. Taking away the tears I just freely left out.
“No” I turn around to look at her. She titles her head… just like Wanda does when she was intrigued about something.
“You loved what came after. The smell, the quiet…” She waves her hand… and the noise stops. No raindrops hitting the street, no cars driving around. Not even thunders can be heard.
“The proof the storm ended.” She clutches again in front of me. Tilting her head, her grey eyes fixing her sight on mine.
“This was never about remembering corazón”
My eyes hold her gaze. Chills run down my spine. Maybe from the cold, maybe from her.
My breath gets stuck in my throat. I swallow.
“Then…what was it about?” I say. My stomach clenches waiting for her answer.
“Choosing” The sound of tires screeching on the sidewalk make my eyes focus on the car parked in front of the pathway to the building. The sounds of the world returning ten times louder.
“Now that you know.” When I turn my sight towards her, she’s no longer in front of me. Not even around.
Kate’s comes into view. An umbrella shields her from the rain. Even if the raindrops are now scattered here and there.
The moment I see her, something inside me breaks open.
Her steps falter when she sees me. Sitting on the steps, drenched, crying.
“Bean” I see her lips move. Her steps quicken. Umbrella shielding me from the few raindrops falling. “You’re shivering” she starts to take her coat off.
I finally stand out, grabbing Kate’s warm and steady hands. Relief hits me so violently my knees nearly give out. Shaking my head, I stop her from giving me her jacket.
“I just want to go home” I feel my lips tremble, voice shaking. Kate’s gasp makes me hug myself. The cold entering my body, numbness dissipating slowly.
Kate’s hands on my waist pushes me slowly towards the car. If she notices the limping, she doesn’t say anything about it.
The ride to Kate’s apartment is quiet. Music filling the car, heather on. My hands keep shaking, despite my effort to control them. I cross my arms, trying to gather the heat and hold my body.
As I glance towards the streets, I notice how the scenery is changing from trees and wider streets to big buildings and narrow lines. Somehow my breathing starts to calm. Short breaths become longer ones, quieter ones. My jaw starts hurting.
Kate’s knuckles hold tight the wheel, her other hand drums against her knee.
She’s angrily impatient.
I grab her hand, holding her fingers between my palm and her leg. I keep looking out the window.
Kate inhales, letting out a long exhalation.
As soon as I feel she’s calmed down, I bring again my hand against my body.
“You knew.” voice nothing but a whisper. My throat feels so raw. Like when Carol took out the intubation thing.
Kate’s sigh. “…Yeah”
Remembering enough means I have the puzzled more organized but not quite full. Pieces here and there that make more sense in where do they fit into it. But the picture is not complete. It never has been.
“Is that why I was going to yours?” Perhaps Natasha was right and the permanent scold
on my forehead would follow me everywhere. I close my eyes trying to school my face.
“I was meeting you halfway” is all Kate offers. Not hundred of questions, not surprise. Just confirmations.
“I see” Do I really?
We reach her place. Kate goes out first, coming to my side. I accept her help coming out of the car. Apparently my ankle has decided I should pay more attention to it and has started to hurt when applying pressure. I try to limp my way to her apartment.
The boot, crutches and nearly used cane, stayed at Wanda’s.
Kate is silent. Offering her hand so I could use It as support. Swallowing my pride I grab her hand.
She only let go when she needs to open the door. I stay glued at the door. I just noticed I’m drenched and probably probably got the car seats soaked. Kate reappears with a fluffy purple towel, and some of my clothes.
I take a deep breath. Nodding and just entering the apartment. The guests bathroom is on the other side of the hall. I don’t want to make more messes. Screw it.
I hear Kate’s yelp when I took out my shirt, mumbling something about giving me a little privacy, I hear her door close.
Soft and dry clothes wrap around my body, giving me a sense of warm. I do the noble thing and take the wet pile of clothes into the washing machine. Drying won’t be enough. Kate only comes out after she hears I put the washing on cycle… or received the notification on her app, either way she reapers on the kitchen, grabbing her tea kettle, filling it with water.
Frowning I grab my cellphone. Opening the text app, finger hovering on the specific contact that has my stomach shrinking. Not literally.
Wands Love 💕
There’s a pang on my chest. Can someone actually feel how your heart breaks?
Wands Love 💕 “We need to talk”
Four words that I delayed for a while. I sigh, limping my way to the couch. Kate left her blanket—my favorite one—on the couch.
I sit taking an inspection on my ankle, I can see al the way from here it’s swollen. At least there are no bruises this time. I know it should keep it elevated. Kate appears with an ice pack on her hand, a small towel on the other. She lefts them on the coffee table.
My back is resting against the arm of the couch. I pull my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. My head leaning on them.
The other end of the couch dips as Kate sits, mirroring my posture, except her head, she glances towards the window.
A vibration on the surface of the table. I know what it means. I see Kate glancing. Wanda’s picture showing on the screen. I feel my chest strain. The picture shows Wanda smiling at the camera, while I kiss her cheek. One of the first pictures we took once we made things official. Wands Love 💕 flashing above the picture. A silly reminiscence of the lie that went on for months.
The phone stops vibrating. Screen going black. Only for Kate’s phone sound. She takes it out of her jacket. Looks at the screen. I turn to the other side.
“Hey…” Silence.
“Yes, she’s with me” I chuckle at that. Humorless.
“I…don’t think that’s a good idea Wanda” that makes me turn and look at Kate. Her eyes already on me.
I swallow. I bite my tongue with my teeth, trying to calm the storm of feelings and thoughts I'm experiencing. Don't break, don't break—that's the only coherent thought screaming in my head, claiming my attention over the hurricane swirling in my mind.
I extend my hand towards Kate. A signal for the phone. Kate pauses but gives it to me. I can hear Wanda saying something I don’t comprehend.
“Wanda” is enough to hear silence on the other end.
“I can explain. I can be there-” I hear the urgency in her voice.
“Please don’t come” Swallowing is becoming harder. I sniffle, refusing to let another tear drop.
“Detka…” I close my eyes. Breathing slowly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll talk then” I feel Kate’s eyes glued on me. She has a very piercing gaze.
For a minute I think she hung up on me. But her breathing on the other side indicates me she’s still there.
“…Okay” I’m about to hang up. “Do you remember?” She whispers. I can hear the silent question behind it. Because I left evidence enough of what I discovered lying on the bathroom floor.
“Enough”
A sharp inhale is the only confirmation I get that Wanda knows.
“I’ll se you tomorrow then”
“Okay” I don’t wait for an answer. Ending the call and giving the cellphone back to Kate. She grabs it letting it rest on the coffee table.
“Tomorrow?” She asks. I just nod before resting my head back on my legs. Kate stands up.
“Okay. Do you want some tea?” And her question is so mundane that I laugh before I feel the tears escape. I try to dry them with my hands.
“I knew something was wrong. I knew. Before…” Kate stops, looking at me, not pressuring, just listening. I can’t look at her. I know if I look at her I’ll just break, so I keep my sight on the rain falling down the window.
“I just—” I clench my jaw. Passing my tongue over my teeth, enough to feel something.
“I kept trying to fix it. Pretending whatever it was with Wanda wasn’t happening. Pretending if I loved her enough—” she would choose me.
I feel the tears coming. I exhale, my breath is becoming erratic. I shake my head. Inhaling, controlling the tears by closing my eyes.
“Why wouldn’t you stop me?” Before the accident. After waking up.
Kate sits in front of me, I feel the couch sinking, she left a careful distance between us. I glance at her. She tentatively extends her hand. Hesitates, brings her back to her.
That action… pains me more. Kate’s restricting.
“You would’ve hated me” she says mere above a whisper.
“No” I vigorously shake my head because how could I hate her when I—when I know she’s my person. She knows it. We obsessed over Grey’s Anatomy and when that particular line came out, we made matching shirts. So Kate saying I would hate her?
“Not then”
I feel a tear roll down my cheek, my eyes traveling towards her hands. A second too long.
I remember her hands. Bloody. Shaking.
Sirens mixed with loud screaming. Kate pleading not to let go… And I know what happens if I let go… If I break now, she’ll go there again.
“Hey… bean” Kate’s voice slightly trembles. “Look at me.”
I do as I am told, because I know that even if I want to, there’s nothing I would deny to her. Blue irises observe me carefully. Calculating her next words.
“You don’t have to protect me from this.”
“I’m not”
“Bean…” Kate hesitates but comes closer. “You survived… you don’t have to keep surviving in front of me.”
“Katniss…”
“You can shatter”
I feel the tears rolling down. Even if I try I can’t stop them. I clench my fists, nails digging into my palms.
“Screw this” I feel Kate’s embrace. Strong arms engulfing me, pulling me towards her chest… my body trembles from the tears I hold, the realization of what tomorrow means. The carried pain, the lies told… the love I so hard tried to stitch together.
Kate’s breathing stutters once. Then twice. Like she’s fighting for control.
I feel something wet fall onto my shoulder. Kate’s crying silently.
I close my eyes and as Kate rocks me back and forth… I feel it again— something that I’m terrified to name.
Something I buried so deep, deep down, I convinced myself it was gone.
I keep crying in her arms.
I woke up to the feeling of someone’s weight on me. I don’t want to open my eyes. The pain on my ankle is reason enough to want to move my leg and forces me to open my eyes.
My head lays on Kate’s chest.
Her arms securing my tightly.
At some point during my ugly crying we most have navigated to this position. I hold my breath trying not to waking her up.
I carefully disentangle my leg from hers, no wonder my ankle was complaining. Slowly turning so that I'm supporting myself with my right arm.
I observe Kate sleeping form. Her forehead is not frowning. There’s no worry on her eyes. Her hair, once in a ponytail, now is loose around her face. She looks so… Relaxed. A strand of her bangs falls across her face, and the urge to brush it away feels so instinctive it terrifies me.
I freeze when my hand almost touches her face.
NO.
I hear someone’s finger drumming against wood. The light of the moon shines through the window. I don’t need to look up to know she’s here.
“I told you you were going to make things harder for everyone”
Kate shivers in her sleep. And I know is not from the cold. I tuck the blanket closer to her body. Sitting, my body shielding Kate from her view.
“Interesting” she sips a cup of tea.
She studies me over the rim of her cup. There’s that infuriating glint in her eyes—the one that always makes me feel three steps behind. Her gaze drops to Kate, then to the blanket I had tucked around her. A small smile ghosts over her lips.
“Protective. I approve”
I glare at her.
“Don’t.”
She shrugs. Unbothered.
Silence stretches between us.
I look back at Kate. At the strand of hair still resting against her cheek. At the hand I almost used to move it. My throat tightens.
“It wasn’t just about memory, right?”
Honey, and again she chuckles, tilts her head, calculating the amount of things I’m still allowed to know.
Her gaze turns towards Kate before standing up, walking without her feet touching the floor. She sits in the coffee table.
“You confuse memory with returning.” She stands up, cloak appearing out of nowhere.
And something inside my mind clicks. Like finally I chose the right key to open that door.
“It’s about healing too, right?”
Honey smirks at me. Kate stirs in her sleep, moving quietly to the other side of the couch, tightening her hold on the blanket… one hand coming out to search for mine but laying limp as she keeps sleeping.
When I turn around, there’s nothing but the moonlight.
Only Kate’s hand remains between us—open, waiting, even in sleep.
It’s a beautiful day.
The sun is out, shining through the streets of the city. Reflecting on the skyscrapers, giving the illusion of glowing.
Kate insisted on driving me here, I denied telling her I wanted the time to slowly walk. We compromised on leaving me on the entrance of the Botanical Garden.
Thankfully, the old pair of crutches were still at Kate’s, so I can use one as a cane. The ankle wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, just resented a little bit. Nothing than a painkiller, ice packs and rest can help before seeing Sam again in a few days.
I promised to text her after. I know Yelena agreed to accompany Kate on her errands, a decision I wasn’t too excited about it.
There’s a small cafeteria next to the Gift Shop. I have some minutes to spare. I order a Vanilla Latte for me. A chamomile with honey and lemon for Wanda. The barista gave me a funny look after I changed the order from double espresso to the chamomile tea. Old habits I guess.
I felt stupid after buying the drinks.
I texted Wanda the location earlier. Neutral ground as Kate would call it. Looking at my watch I see I arrived a few minutes before. I sit on the bench… waiting.
Wanda arrives exactly on time. A quality I always admired. She looks beautiful despite the circumstances. A slightly oversized shirt, jeans, tennis, red hair loose over her shoulders. So casual it actually hurts.
She spots me right away. A falter in her steps.
I know she knows.
I stand up to greet her, hesitating on hugging her. I wave a small hey.
“Hey”
“I brought you a chamomile tea” She looks at me as if remembering her new order was something completely wonderful. I decide to ignore it and sit.
Wanda takes the cup. Sipping it slowly. She sits leaving a distance between us. There’s a silence I can’t help but notice it’s not uncomfortable.
“Had you planned to tell me eventually?” There’s no more time to think, to postpone a conversation it was months on the making.
It takes a few seconds for her to turn around to watch me. I do the same.
Her green eyes, the exact shade I associate with the forest, look at me fondly, sadly.
“Yes. I just…” Wanda sighs, sipping her tea. An habit I know she does when she’s accommodating the words before speaking. “I never meant to hurt you.”
I drink my coffee. There’s no an easy way, nor a speech I prepared. I have so many things I want to say, I want to ask. Is there a point?
“I guess, I suspected it.” They don’t call it intuition for nothing. "Deep down I suspected something else was happening, I think…”
I avoid her eyes. Fixing my sight on the small threes and plants in front of us. Swallowing, clenching and unclenching my fists.
“I tried so hard to fix it.”
“I know” she gently says. On my peripheral sight I see her hand trying to reach mine, she opts to place it right next to my leg.
“There was never something for you to fix. You were the perfect partner I could ever ask for when I met you…it’s just I…” Wanda places her cup on the bench, exhaling she places her hand on my leg. “I thought that I had resolved everything. It turns out, Jarvis was a big unresolved thing I was refusing to acknowledge. It was a wave that was forming into a tsunami. The more I buried it, the more it grew.”
Jarvis. His names makes my stomach clench.
I turn around, my hand coming to my mouth. Thinking, breathing. Wanda doesn’t move her hand. I don’t reach for hers.
“I never stopped loving you Wanda. And it pained me to realize I stopped being in love with you along the way…” Wanda smiles at me, a smile I know it’s sad, merely nods. I know deep down she fell out of love too “Maybe that’s why I convinced myself that I need it to hold onto us… That I could—”
“I love you too Y/N.”
There’s again the silence. Charged, heavy, but not uncomfortable. If anything, paving the way.
“But we know now is not enough, right?…” I feel the first tear falling down my cheek. Wanda shakes her head. “I felt like loving you was like trying to hold water with my hands” I take a look at the untouched cup of tea. I drink the last content of mine. “No matter how carefully I held on…there was always less of you”
I wipe the tears coming by. Even though I know how this conversation would end.
“Why didn’t you leave then?” I turn to look at her again. I feel the saltiness on my lips. I don’t care if the tears come by. I’m done trying to hide the turmoil of my emotions.
Wanda takes her hand from my leg, grabs the cup instead. The other one, unconsciously, protects her belly. I frown at the action. She doesn’t realize she’s doing it.
“I was staying because I couldn’t accept that loving you wasn’t enough anymore. You deserved certainty. I kept giving you hope instead” She looks ahead of her, at the children playing on the ground, close to the small three and plants.
I take a big, deep breath. Letting the air feel my lungs. They don’t hurt anymore. I turn fully to look at Wanda, she tilts her head looking back at me. Green irises brighting with unshed tears.
And suddenly, looking into those forests eyes, a lot of things fall into place.
“Healing wasn’t a hundred percent about recovering the things I desired to forget.”
I see her first tear fall.
“I think…. That I’m finally making the choice I should’ve made the moment I realized I was fighting alone.”
“What’s that?” Wanda asks quietly, hand playing with the rim of the lid.
“Stop asking you to come back… so I’m choosing to let you go…” there’s a tiny gasp escaping from her lips, as if she wasn’t expecting the things I say.
“Now I think…no, I know that really loving you means finally believing you’ll be okay after I let go…because I don’t want the last thing I give you to be guilt.”
Wanda’s tears finally fell freely. I automatically want to clear them with my thumb. I stop myself from reaching.
“And you?” She asks me. I turn around, looking at the young couples walking by.
A tiny tinny small shows on my lips.
“I think a part of me is still healing but I’m finally giving myself the chance to find out.”
Wanda turns to look at what I am seeing, there’s the young couple standing close. Some kids play nearby them.
“I don’t know what happens after this.” She says.
“Neither do I.” And that’s one of the scariest trues I have ever truly felt. Maybe the universe has a weird and funny way to remove the blindfold off your eyes.
A buzzing sound from my pockets interrupts the silence. I take a look out of it.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Bean, you good?”
I smile a little into the phone, because only Kate would ask that on this conversation.
I feel Wanda’s gaze on me. I side eye her in time to see the flashing contact on my screen. I see her standing up. I mirror her stance.
“I hope…”
She stops. Arms embracing herself.
My weight is supported by the crutch. I get closer to her.
Wanda sighs, closes her eyes.
“…I hope this isn’t the last time I ever see you.” I’m the one tilting my head, observing her fully. My heartbeat steady and strong.
Wanda takes a step towards me, stoping herself. I offer my hand instead. She grabs it. Firm, warm.
Resolved.
“Me neither. Take care, okay?”
Wanda chuckles at that. She watches me for a few seconds before turning around two walk. She stops and turns to look at me.
“Thank you… for never making me regret being loved by you.”
I see her back walking towards the exit.
I don’t go after her. Neither of us looks back. After all… ahead is the only way I want to look now.
Taking a sit again, I tae a few minutes to absorb the strange calm and relief I feel. I should be sad right? I just broke up with the girl I spent two years loving.
“Relief doesn’t erase the love”
I turn around expecting Honey, to be seated next me.
But there’s no green robe.
Not creepy smile.
Not someone stolen pudding and teas.
Instead I am met with a children, singing loudly to a rhythm she can only hear through her headphones. She keeps walking without paying attention to me.
Tiny Human 😜 "Not right now Kate… but I will be”
…
…
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Uber ride?”
…
Tiny Human 😜 “Want to limp around the Botanical Garden”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Stuck in meetings bean.”
Uh… I thought Kate was working from home today. Maybe there was a change of plans.
Tiny Human 😜 “No worries Katniss,”
I put the cellphone away after looking at the time. I actually never have seeing the exhibits or the whole Garden, might be time to change that.
Standing up, taking my cup into the trash, I slowly walk towards the west section of the garden where I know they have the figures made with plants. It might be a good way to clear my mind and spent the time. Make the most out of the sunny day.
It’s been two weeks since I last saw Wanda.
Three days since I texted her to let her know I would be packing up my things the weekend after the upcoming long weekend. She said it was okay.
And it’s been eight days, sixteen hours and counting since Kate Bishop has been acting weird around me.
I’ve counted them.
I’m reading some contracts Agnes sent over my desk. Trying not to think about the negative from Kate to have lunch, claiming she was swapped with work. She keeps saying it was time for her to step up and be more involved with the company. Which I couldn’t agree more, but… I got this feeling maybe I did something to upset her.
She keeps waking up earlier so I don’t run into her at breakfast. One day I woke up to the fact she left breakfast on the counter for me, which is nice per se, but doesn’t explain why she ran out as soon as I left the room.
She keeps telling me she’ll arrive later or canceling plans we had, like Yelena drove me twice to therapy with Darcy and Sam. He wasn’t that happy my ankle got twisted again but he told me sometimes recovery was like that. It didn’t imply I lost the previous victories.
And last night when we were watching TV, I sat closer when I returned from the kitchen only for her to put distance between us, claiming it was hot.
The A/C was on.
Maybe I have overstepped my presence with Kate. Or maybe I overwhelmed her with all my needs. Perhaps she needs her space back.
Maybe that’s fair. She carried me through the last month. Maybe she’s finally putting herself first. I can’t blame her for that. I’m doing exactly the same.
I couldn’t help but feeling an emptiness when I noticed a familiar pattern. Distance. Care wrapped in excuses. Smiles that ended too quickly. I’d lived through this before.
Only this time… it was Kate.
Shaking my head from those thoughts, I grab the phone, sending a quick text to my mom and anther to Kate.
Tiny Human 😜 “I’m not sure if I did something but… just wanted to let you know I’ll spent the weekend at my mom’s. Text you when I get there?”
The three dots appear immediately.
Only to disappear later.
Reappear.
Disappear again.
I stare at the screen long after it goes quiet.
Her answer came as soon as I came back from lunch.
Three hours later.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Okay, bean”
A knock on my door distracts me from my own contemplation. Natasha doesn’t wait she just announces her presence.
“Any big plans for this long weekend?” She asks while giving me some files over the Harkness merge and the results of some marketing researches I asked for.
“No. Probably visiting my mom uptown” I don’t see her reaction, but her “Uh” it’s enough for me “What?”
“Nothing. I thought I’ll see you at the gathering Yelena’s doing at her house. Which by the way, I’m still not invited”
Of course Yelena would wait until last minute to invite her sister.
“Um, no, no. It’s been a while since I saw my family since you know… knocking on death’s door”
“That’s one way to put it” she comments a few things on the documents, before walking back to the door, stopping on her way out.
“By the way, an apartment on my building just got an opening. Beautiful loft… if you’re interested” she walks away. Typical Natasha.
A loft on her building complex. I know it’s a quiet and nice neighborhood, not far from the office, not that far from Kate’s apartment. On the other side where I used to live. Am I ready to live alone again? Am I ready for all those changes?
Since I left the office earlier, advantages of having everything organized, resolved and/or delegated to the correspondent areas, I don’t see Kate before leaving to my mom’s. I can’t help but feel… sad and disappointed. It didn’t help that the ride here was almost silent. My Uber driver wasn’t too keen on small talk and his choice in music was an style I’m not particular fond of.
Almost and hour and a half later, thanks to the traffic, I finally get to my mom’s place. I still got a key but for some reason I feel the need to ring the doorbell. My mom opens the door, engulfing me in a bug hug before I’m allowed to enter.
“Hi honey” she leads me inside, leaving the door open. I’m taking my shoes and putting on my slippers. “I thought Kate would be with you”. I falter a little because of course Kate was expected.
“Uh, no. She had other plans” as far as I’m concerned.
“Well, I’ll save her a plate. Tell her to not forget the container this time” my mom says before passing me on her way to the kitchen.
I am left there smiling, because of course Kate forgets all the time to return my mom’s containers. Leaving my bag on the living room, I slowly walk to the kitchen, where I can smell the delicious dinner my mother is doing.
I see the kettle already on the stove so I decide to grab two cups, choosing on a raspberry & lemon tea for me and the lemongrass for my mom. I put some honey on my cup while she observes the dishes and the timer she set. She makes a notion for me to sit, so I obey with a small smile on my face.
Tiny Human 😜 “Made it to my mom’s. She was expecting you.”
Tiny Human 😜 “But I’ll be back with your portion”
…
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Glad you made it!
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Tell her she’s the best 💜”
My mom puts the tea in front of me, taking the chair opposite from me.
“Is Wanda meeting you here after work?”
Wanda.
I was doing good on not dwelling on her. There’s still a pang on my heart when hearing her name.
“Mom… Wanda and I broke up”
My mom observes, sipping her tea. Calm.
She’s always been calm.
“Okay” she doesn’t ask anything else.
“I’ll tell you everything when I’m ready, but… just know we were tugging a rope in different directions.”
“Take your time dear, you don’t own me an explanation” Own. What a funny word. “And how are you?”
“I’m—” I stop myself, my automatic answer doesn’t seem to hold truth anymore. “I’m sad but…” I keep my eyes down, observing the steam from the cup, fingers drumming on the cup handle.
“Love doesn’t have to be a game of tug-of-war.”
“I feel guilty for feeling relieved” there’s no point in hiding things from my mom. She’s knowing me for all my life. She was the first one to know my preferences way before I realized them.
“If Wanda and you were heading on different directions, you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, honey” a chill runs down my spine. I might need to put a ban on the nickname.
“I love Wanda”
“I know.” My mom puts her hand over mine, squeezing them before releasing. “Sometimes the hardest relationships to leave…aren’t always the ones where people stopped loving each other.”
She pauses, and I lift my head to see her. My mom watches me, cup in her hands, close to her mouth. Years of wisdom in her eyes.
“Sometimes they’re the ones where love stopped moving in the same direction.”
Just like my dad and her. They left in good terms. We even hang out sometimes with her new girlfriend.
I keep drinking my tea.
“Are you at peace at least?”
I take a breath. Leaving the air exhale slowly.
“I am”
“Good.”
The timer chimes and my mom places her cup on the table, turning the stove off. Grabbing the oven mitts she takes out a big casserole.
“Are we expecting an army?” I casually joke. Because that’s a lot of food even if Kate and Wanda were expected.
“Actually…” she turns to look at me. I tilt my head. My mom blushes “I invited Stephen when I heard you were coming”
“Stephen?” I try to recollect the name, but I come empty.
“Yes. He’s a neurosurgeon, I met him when you where at the hospital” she avoids looking at me, but I can see the smile playing on her lips.
“Wow. So my stance at the hospital was used as a dating app.” I say but I mirror her smile. My mother deserves happiness too.
“You slept most of the time anyway”
“MOM!” I dramatically gasp because rude!
Now the sleeping beauty nickname won’t leave me alone.
I don’t see the kitchen towel being thrown at me.
After dinner, dessert and coffee I retire to my old bedroom. I’m so desperate to text Kate about Dr. Stephen Strange. Annoyingly enough, I actually liked him. Apparently he’s just a supervisor now, and according to my mom, we can bond by exchanging accident stories. Enough to say neither of us found it funny.
I wasn’t prepared at all for my old room.
My mom left our rooms almost untouched, just entering for cleaning and dusting, but most of our things were as how we have left them. I know my brother’s is identical. But mine changed a little during the years.
Over my desk I kept a few books, a cork-board with some pictures on it, my first published essay, my official job offer from Rogers&Carter’s. It’s better here than on the fridge.
I grab the first picture that jumped at me. Wanda and I are siting in front of the Christmas tree, she’s wearing a Santa hat, holding a red ornament, I’m holding a small reindeer. She’s hugging me. Our first holiday’s together. Where I learnt about Hanukkah and she learnt from Christmas.
We were happy. My mom’s words replay in my head. The hardest relationships to leave…aren’t always the ones where people stopped loving each other.
I place the picture on the desk, as I look at the small things I have as clues from our relationship. I know I’ll have to take them off sometime.
Next to that picture, it’s one of me and Kate, covered in flour. We’re probably ten-twelve years, we wanted to open a bakery stand for the summer. Our first attempt at baking went horrible bad, but the smiles on our faces tell another story. Then there’s the picture right after my team and I won the summer championship, I’m holding the trophy, Kate’s looking at me.
Then one of my favourites one were Kate’s back to the camera, a bullseye on the background, an arrow right to the centre. The first time she nailed the shot. I’m on the side….looking at her.
That makes me pause.
As I keep looking on the small collage I have of Kate and I trough the years I find a particular thing.
She’s looking at me in some of them.
On most of them… I’m the one looking at her.
My heart does a flip-flop.
Something deeper in me is waking up, I can feel it’s head resurfacing.
The beating in my chest is faster.
I turn around and see. Kate’s presence all over my bedroom. Pictures, cards, gifts. I know for sure on the bathroom, there’s a spare toothbrush for her, because she always forgets hers. My closet probably has one or two of her hoodies. One might have been forgotten, the other one I stole it. There’s an empty drawer for her clothes when we visit. I still have the inflatable mattress and sleeping bag, since we never were good at her staying on the guest room.
And then I look around, to my childhood pictures, to my drawings, my writings, the styles I changed over the years. I see Kate in all of them.
On my bed there’s a plushie, a small custom made teddybear with a purple shirt, a quiver over “Bishop” on its back, holding a target on its paws. A gift from Kate when I got my tonsils removed and she went to summer camp when we were fourteen “So you can hug me while I’m gone” she had said.
And for the first time since all of this begun, I don’t feel a whole or butterflies in my stomach. I feel an odd calm, a relief so strong it makes my head spin. I need to sit.
As I hug the stupid bear, just like I did all that summer more than ten years ago, I realize something: I can't go back to the way things were. It won't be the same anymore.
Saturday morning comes. I woke up feeling my eyes heavy. A look on the mirror lets me know I probably cried before falling asleep. The urge to text Kate resurfaces, but I talk myself out of it when I notice the clock reads 06:34 a.m. too early for her.
I get busy during the day.
Going with my mom to the local market.
Helping prepare lunch.
Bossing my brother around while he decorates the garden.
Babysitting my niece.
My fingers itch to grab my phone.
I open Kate’s text.
Close it.
I saw Wanda’s text convo.
I open my contact list. Click on Wanda’s name.
My finger presses the edit button.
Wands Love 💕|
Wands Love|
Wands Lov|
Wands Lo|
Wands L|
Wands|
Wand|
Wan|
Wa|
W|
W.|
W. M|
W. Ma|
W. Max|
W. Maxi|
W. Maxim|
W. Maximo|
W. Maximof|
W. Maximoff|
I change the picture of us to a single one of her.
I click on save.
Fuck!
“Yo! Sis…. Dinner should be ready. Want to help me set up?” James, my brother calls me from the door. His wife taking my niece out of his arms.
“Sure” I walk towards him. I see in his eyes he’s dying to ask me something. I’m not sure if I’m ready for him to ask about Wanda.
“So… I know you met Stephen” and oh my God… has he been waiting all day to gossip about mom’s new boyfriend?
Apparently he actually waited for a whole week.
Dinner was pleasant, my mom’s cooking honestly has no rivalry. We ate, chatted and drank as if no time had passed. Stephen brought a nice wine, which I wasn’t allowed to try. My brother and I helped with the dishes. Yet… the empty chairs at the table reminded me Kate’s absence and my recently changed status to single.
I swallowed hard so I didn’t cry in front of of them.
And now we’re outside, waiting on this summer night for the fireworks. We should stop contaminating the environment and switch to drones. But… I guess there’s something about the explosion of colors on the dark sky.
A light blanket covers my shoulders, a small breeze makes the perfect weather for tonight. As I observe the show, I see the colors of lights reflect on my family’s faces.
They’re happy.
Even my dad was smiling on the picture he sent me watching the fireworks with his new girlfriend. He promised coffee sometime this weekend.
I turned my gaze towards the sky again. Blue, red, purple, green, orange. A rainbow of colors. A celebration of everything.
My heart aches.
For what it was.
For what I lost.
For…me.
I let the tears come this time. Not bothering on hiding them as I keep looking the show.
The sky vibrant with colors.
As the show ends, Jessica, my sister in law says her goodbyes for the night. My niece barely having her eyes open. She’s truly a Y/L/N if she managed to get sleepy through the noise.
Stephen says goodnight, mom saying she will accompany him to the door.
I am left alone siting on the steps of the backyard. I see a beer placed on the steps, James sitting right next to me, another beer in his hand.
“I don’t think I’m allowed alcohol yet”
“One beer won’t kill you. I got clearance from Stephen”
“He’s not my doctor” I can’t help but smile at my brother’s antics. We stay in silence. I don’t need words for my brother to know his presence is enough to anchor me.
“Can you tell me?” I ask him
“What?” He sips at his beer, looking at the sky, at the lingering smoke, the remnants of the fireworks.
“The ending. The happy ending" I drink my beer. The bitter flavor tasting marvelous on my mouth.
He smiles. I asked the same question when our parents told us about their divorce. We were just two kids trying to figure it out the world that had been divided into two.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Lie to me”
He looks at me for about ten seconds before returning his gaze to the sky. Sipping his beer.
“You fall in love and live happily ever after. Because you’re a good girl and the good ones always win.”
“That’s not how the quote goes” My eyes watching the first stars of the night appear, now that the lights are letting the way free to the darkness.
“I’m getting old sis, we might need a Buffy marathon soon” he chuckles. He sighs and stands up, his knees cracking. He stretches “I’m heading out for the night. You good staying here?”
I turn around and look at him. The shadow of a beard already appearing on his face. It makes him look older. I just nod.
“Allright. Night sis,”
“Night J,”
As the night reclaims its space, the crickets coming out for their nightly concert. The moon shines above me.
I take out my phone. The clock reads 01:42 a.m. I don’t hesitate this time.
Tiny Human 😜 “I miss you, Kate.”
The reply comes instantly.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “I miss you too, Y/N”
My heart breaks a little more.
Sunday’s come and gone. I did saw my dad, for the first time since the accident. He gave me a bunch of things, apparently Darcy’s recommendations reached all my family, based on the amount of digital books that were uploaded on the kindle, the journals and writing supplies, adding an extra Coffee Gift Card when he heard about me and Wanda’s break up. “So you can FaceTime me anytime over coffee” he had said.
James drove me back to the city, the ride full of children songs. I might need to update my playlist. Mom sent me back with a blueberry jam, a yogurt flavored coffee and recently baked lemon berry cupcakes for Kate. Because apparently, “she loves them”. I might have a suspicion my mom loves her more than she loves me.
When I reached the apartment. After I left my things on the room, Kate’s nowhere to be seen. I did text her telling her I was coming back. She replied telling me we could catch up over dinner. The clock reads 16:32 p.m. I opt to text Natasha and see if there’s an opening to see the loft. Looking can’t hurt and I need the time to kill in order to not overthink.
N. Romanoff: It’s an open house until 6 pm. I’m picking you up in 15 min.
Perhaps since is a Sunday traffic won’t be that bad for her to do fifteen minutes from there to here.
I was wrong.
Natasha showed up on her bike. The roaring loud enough for me to know she arrived. When we arrived, there wasn’t a lot of people. The agent was so nice it was ridiculous. He told me it wasn’t “move-in ready”, some renovations might been happening, so probably one or two weeks after a contract was signed. Lease is a year minimum.
I did ended up taking an application form.
Back at Kate’s, an hour and a half later, she’s still nowhere to be seen. The sunset gets overruled by the fog, too much humidity this time of year. The apartment it’s too quiet, I decide to put on a jazz playlist while watching the city and wait for Kate.
A buzz on the phone alerts me of an incoming message. Expecting to be Kate I grab the phone.
W. Maximoff “Hey. One practical question. Do you want the coffee machine? The one that makes frappés.”
A stupid coffee machine we absolutely didn’t need but argued about the colour when buying it.
I start typing.
Delete all sentences.
Y/L/N “No”
Y/L/N “It looks better in your kitchen.”
Not that I actually have a kitchen to furnish at the moment. Or an apartment. The application is still untouched on the coffee table.
W. Maximoff “Is it okay if I keep the red ornament?
Y/L/N “Of course”
I don’t even liked that one, she did. I only bought it because it was her first Christmas ornament.
W. Maximoff “One more thing…”
I wait as I see the three dots appear and disappear again.
W. Maximoff “I’ll probably go for a walk while you’re here.”
W. Maximoff “Take your time. I don’t want you to feel rushed.”
…
…
…
W. Maximoff “Thank you.”
I don’t ask for what? I already know. Is not about the coffee machine or an ornament. It’s for the same reason I feel relieved knowing she won’t be there. It’s for not making this any harder than it already is.
Just like that, I’m reminded of the simplicities and cruelest things a two year relationship has become, a list of things for me to keep or leave. No one talks about this, about the mundanity after a break up of a kind of long relationship. Where “ours” becomes “mine/yours”, where a year of your life can fit into some boxes.
Where you re-learn to live without the person, the habits, the routine in order to make space for new persons, new or old habits… new routines.
I don’t hear the door open, nor Kate’s voice until I hear soft padded steps into the living room.
“Dude, your mom’s freaking awesome—” Kate stops. Takes a few seconds to look the state I’m in: sad jazz music on the speakers, windows overlooking the scenery, the fog and lights of the city gives it a melancholy atmosphere on the already low illumination of the room. And me, perched on the couch, phone discarded next to me, hugging my knees while crying.
“Absolutely not” Kate’s grabs her phone, scrolls something. I heard the music stop and change to a more happy tune.
“Hey, I was listening to that” but there’s really no argument behind it.
“You were being miserable to that”
I turn to look at her, Kate had never been self-conscious. She started dancing the way children did—like embarrassment was something that happened to other people. She’s exaggerating the already ridiculous moves. I roll my eyes at her antics but smile.
It seems I just encourage it, she goes to the kitchen.
Kate slides back into the living room in socks, nearly wiping out on the hardwood before catching herself with an exaggerated flourish. Now she’s committed.
She’s lip-syncing every lyric with complete conviction of Shake It Off. Using a wood spatula as a microphone. Doing an unnecessarily aggressive hip wiggle. Heat blooms unexpectedly across my cheeks.
I’m laughing despite the tear track on my cheeks. “Please stop.”
Kate gasps. “You laughed. That’s legally a request for an encore.”
“No”
Kate spins and ends up facing the wrong direction. Looks towards me and the sight I have in front enough for me to be happy by her.
A real laugh leaves my lips. Kate beams at that.
She comes closer to me, extending her hand
“Dance with me”
The words hit somewhere old as I have a flashback of a crowded college bar after finals.
Kate and I going to a club after finals to dance the stress away. My friends disappearing one by one toward the dance floor. And then Kate, laughing, crossing the room looking straight at me, cheeks flushed, curls sticking to her forehead. “Dance with me.” She hadn’t waited for an answer then either. I’d spent the better part of the night rehearsing a sentence I never got to say. Later that night, I’d watched her leave with the girl she’d spent months almost dating.
I’d smiled. Told myself I’d imagined the rest.
I shake my head but Kate’s having none of that, grabbing both of my hands and insists. Tugging until I am standing up. Kate looks down to see my ankle, I’m fully stranded, she takes me to the middle of the room, I laughs as I stumbles through the first few steps. Kate spun me with theatrical commitment, stretching both arms impossibly high above my head as though I were at least six feet tall instead of the three inches I am shorter.
“If you wanna dance, take my hand, take my hand. Cancel all your plans, take a chance, take a chance” she sings to the melodic voice of Myles Smith filling the room. Kate keeps moving around leading us in a dance she only knows the choreography to. She’s supporting my balance but I can move freely now letting one hand go, copying her moves. I threw myself into the music like enthusiasm alone counted as choreography.
Kate pointed at me on every “stay,” as if I was the only audience member that mattered, before attempting a spin that ended in an undignified stumble and a triumphant grin. She celebrated surviving it with both fists in the air, like she’d just landed an Olympic routine instead of nearly taking out the coffee table.
I grab her hands spinning her this time, her hands land on my waist and dips me just enough to make me squeal. Kate laughs and is so contagious I end up laughing as well. Forgetting on the first place why I was so down.
The song changes but I do not pay attention to it, Kate’s looking at me. I suddenly notice tiny things as if seeing them again for the first time. Kate’s freckles, the tiny scar she has near her eyebrow, the way she bites her lips. Her hold on my waist falters before tightening.
I don’t know how it happens but I feel myself leaning a fraction closer.
So does Kate.
I feel my breathing speed up, music becomes noise on the background.
Our foreheads barely touch, enough for me to feel Kate’s heated body. I don’t dare to move away. I notice how impossibly blue Kate’s eyes looked this close.
Kate wasn’t smiling anymore.
The apartment suddenly felt too quiet despite the music. Kate’s eyes flick down to my lips, back to my eyes. I close the remaining distance.
Not much. Just enough… For my lips to stay fractions away from her. I feel Kate’s breathing.
She steps back. Immediately.
Almost like touching fire.
The cold rushed into the space she’d left behind. I open my eyes.
Kate laughs. A tiny, broken laugh.
She looks away, running a hand though her hair. She sees the application form on her coffee table, doesn’t comment it.
“I’ll order food. Want pizza? I feel like pizza” Kate practically runs out of the room.
I’m left confused. Hurt. I can still feel Kate’s hands on my waist.
Monday morning arrives, along with a very interesting and out of the blue meeting between Steve, Agnes, Natasha and me. Since the final contracts were signed and Agnes was happy, she came to the office with a proposal Steve couldn’t refuse.
“If you’re expecting that woman to continue solving executive-level disasters while paying her like middle management, then you deserve the chaos you’ll inevitably create.” Her exact words.
And now I’m in my office, contemplating my new promotion at work: “Director of Strategic Integration”
“Congratulations” Natasha enters my office, sitting on the small couch on the corner. Leaving a giant cup of coffee and a cupcake on my desk.
“I hardly feel like I earned it. I remember just enough about the last year and a half” I grab the muffin. Chocolate chip.
“Uh—you keep doing that” she observes me, folder in her hands. Probably the thousands of new contracts I need to sign.
“What?”
“Under selling you. Do you know what Agnes wrote on the recommendation section?”
“On the promotion I didn’t even apply?” I say while munching the muffin, so far the only rational thing on the day. Natasha ignores me and opens the folder. “Promote her before another company does. I already tried stealing her once.”
“She’s insufferable” I sip the coffee, letting the bitter taste flood my senses.
“She is right”
“And terrifying” I remember the continuous calls and emails I had for about a week, after my first year at Roger’s & Carter’s.
“Also correct”
There’s a knock on the door followed by a very excited - as much as he can get - Bucky.
“I hear we’re creating a new division”
“We are”
We are?” I ask at the same time Natasha answers.
“You both realize Agnes now is your boss too right?” I inform them. Apparently I’m wrong.
“No, technically she’s just a tiny bit your boss. You’re still under Steve’s supervision. You get to keep the office, and the whole floor?”
“Wait what?”
“Seriously doll, don’t act that surprised. Everything is on the documents.”
“How come you know what the documents says? You’re on the marketing department!”
“I happen to be besties with THE HR boss” he winks at Natasha making her flip him off. Those two are worst than siblings.
“Drinks on you after your first and hefty check.” Natasha stands up, leaving the folder on my desk.
Bucky hugs me before going out of my office. Nat lingers waiting until he’s gone.
“I stand by what I told you Y/L/N, don’t sell yourself short… stop deciding for anyone else. Agnes and Steve trust their decision. It’s time you trust them too”
The words sounded uncomfortably familiar.
“Of course I do, Nat.”
She gives me a look that says she doesn’t believe me for a second.
“Good. Keep telling you that until you believe it”
She leaves before another word can come out of my mouth. Silence settles over my office. My eyes drift to the folder waiting on my desk. Only then do I notice it isn’t the usual yellow file folder. It’s expensive black leather. I slowly open it.
On the first page: Director of Strategic Integration. I keep staring at it as I think about Kate. Wanda, the breakup, the loft application, the promotion. At everything that has changed in less than a month.
My eyes drift lower…And then stop. There’s absolutely no way that’s my salary. For sure it must be a typo.
I see two sticky notes on the left of the carpet. One is Natasha’s handwriting.
“It’s not a typo. Agnes negotiated”
I close my eyes as I slowly sigh. Of course she did, that woman!
The second is written on impossibly expensive stationery—cream-colored paper, elegant script, absurdly tiny.
“See? They finally figured it out. Don’t let it go to your head. (Actually… do.) — A.”
I let out a groan and drop my forehead onto the desk.
Later that night, Kate’s doing yoga on the living room. Her ponytail is messy, I see the droplets of sweat on her back. She says hello with her head tilted backward, close to the floor.
“You look beautiful” blurts out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I feel the blush on my cheeks when Kate falls to the floor.
I run to my room.
The next day Kate was on her way to her office, stopping at the kitchen for her morning coffee. I had it ready for her. She comes and takes it, sipping it with her eyes closed. I can’t help but notice the collar of her blouse is askew. My hands automatically adjust it. Kate freezes.
On movie night, Kate’s already perched on the couch, I come and sit close to her, getting us under near the blanket. I hear her gasp next to me.
Next morning, Kate’s looking something on her phone, she’s laughing, I get closer to her to take a look, tiptoeing and resting my chin on her shoulder. She nearly drops her phone.
Friday night arrives, I bring flowers to the apartment because 1) they reminded me of Kate 2) the house deserves flowers 3) they smelled nice. Kate eye twitches when she heard the first statement.
Saturday has Eleanor demanding family dinner, apparently she made things official with Jacques. Kate reluctantly agrees. Eleanor request me as well, knowing that it would be impossible for Kate to stay beyond dinner if I’m not present. My dress ironically matches Kate’s pantsuit. On the elevator ride I can’t help myself but get closer to her and got hit with the smell of her perfume. The Gucci one she likes but I love.
“You smell really nice” I see her hand faltering before pushing the button five times in a row.
That same night later at the apartment, I ask her to watch a movie with me. I put my head on her shoulder, immediately freezing Kate on the spot. I see her fingers drum in her leg. I grab her hand.
“Bean?” Kate ask short on air. As if she’s fighting to reagin her control.
“Yes?” I ask still watching the TV.
“What are you doing?” She asks me. Her final word tinted with something I can’t put my finger on. Hope? Fear?
“I…” Trying to convey something I don’t know how to word.
Kate stands up, exaggeratedly stretching. I feel the cold space she left, a chilly breeze getting into my bones.
“It’s getting late. Night Y/N”
“Night Kate” the rest of the words get stuck on my throat.
The phone over my desk sounds making me jump a little. I save my work before answering.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have a… Miss. Belova here, she said she has an appointment with you but I don’t see her scheduled on your calendar Miss. Y/L/N”
Of course. I sigh, I know refusing her political way of asking to come up would end up on her breaching a few security lines.
“It’s okay Daisy. Send her over”
As I wait for her to arrive I hit send on the email I was writing, with some of the new adjustments we’ll have, scheduled a meeting with Natasha about the hiring process for a few persons I’ll be needing and authorized the new marketing research I need form Bucky’s team.
The door to my office opens without knocking.
“Why are you emotionally damaging Kate Bishop today?” She demand whiles sitting on the couch, sipping on a dangerously large cup of coffee.
“Hello to you too Yelena, please come in. I’m good and you? Please take a seat” I stand from my desk, because there’s now way I’m having a conversation involving Kate sitting on my desk.
There’s a hollow feeling at hearing Yelena say I’m emotionally damaging her, when that’s exactly what I am trying not to do.
“I’m not doing such thing Lena” on the contrary. I sit across her on the couch, thinking on why what Yelena just said affects me too much.
“You weren’t the only one with an aftermath of the accident”
“Lena—“
“No. If you’re just going to rebound on someone, don’t choose the archer”
Rebound? I’m not even thinking on… Oh wait. Maybe my recent behavior has finally made Kate uncomfortable. That’s exactly what I was trying to avoid.
“Yelena, I’m not looking for a rebound”
“Then explain to me why you almost kissed her?” I sigh because really? I haven’t even had the time to proper consider the effect of my actions and now I have Yelena here demanding an explanation that I’m not even yet ready to admit myself.
“I—” I rub my face with my hands. I have enough thing to deal with to add another almost on the list. “You’re right. I know Kate doesn’t think of me in that way, the last thing I want is to screw my friendship with her. She deserves better after all what she’s done for me.”
“Oh my God!” Yelena smacks my head. And it actually hurts. “Stop deciding what Kate deserves!”
Her words echoed what her sister said a week ago.
“I’m not!”
“Really?” Her deadpan stare it’s identical to Natasha’s “Tell her the truth then”
“I can’t”
“And why is that?”
“Because It’s hard enough to admit I love her when I just come to admit it to myself!” My heart beats so fast, pounding hard on my chest. Reminding me how it felt when my ribs where bruised. It hurts.
The weight of the words I just spoke settles in my chest. Words that have been stuck inside me for a long time—words I buried very deep—have finally found a way out. My shoulders slump; I avoid Yelena’s gaze.
“I love her and it’s not fair for either of us. She… doesn’t see me like that”
“For the love of…” Yelena rubs her face and I flinch, sure of another smack coming my way. “Just… tell her the truth and let her choose. Put both of you out of misery.”
When I look up, I expect to see Yelena’s angry gaze, but instead I see compassion. And I remember that this is the same Yelena who comforted me one night, years ago, when—after a few drinks—I threatened her to treat Kate’s heart well if she was going to date her. Yelena insulted me in Russian and assured me that she was just her friend.
“You already knew”
“I wouldn’t be a spy if I didn’t notice little things Y/L/N”
“You’re not a spy Lena”
“That’s what I made you think” Yelena stands up and goes to the door, leaving her coffee on the table.
“You’re an Animal Rescue Coordinator!” I yell but she’s gone already. Maybe she does has spy abilities.
Half of the week goes without much fuzz. I decided to fill the apartment application. I still need to talk to Kate about it. I texted her earlier, on the lame excuse for us to go grocery shopping but I really want her to see the place. She responded with a bored emoji.
Kate came back from the office tired, hair loose around her slumped shoulders, the second button of her blouse open. I notice how her shoulders flex, the tiny moan she lets when her back cracks from the stretch. I have to force my eyes out of her chest. Shaking my head I basically drag her out of the apartment.
She lets me tug her back to the elevator, chuckling at seeing my apparently excitement to go grocery shopping. And after the last few days where I saw and feel Kate’s distancing, this feels like a victory.
I googled the time it would take us to walk to the building. Thirty two minutes if we took the long rout. Twenty eight if we do shortcuts. Kate’s notice the second we keep walking instead of turning towards the market.
As we walk, I link my arms with hers, like we did many times, mind still lost on my conversation with Yelena a few days ago. I was in shock that when I texted my mom to tell her “I love Kate”, she responded with an “About time.” No further explanation.
We reach a quiet neighborhood, I walked us into the lobby, to the elevator, pressing the “L4” button.
“I want you to show you something. And I want your honest opinion”
“All right” Kate says looking up to the ceiling of the elevator, I feel her arm tightening her grip on me. Elevator music really has this calming effect.
When we reach the floor, I see the “Open House” sign still at the door, there’s not much people at this time. The realtor it’s outside talking on the phone with someone, he waves at us and indicates with his hand we can enter.
I take Kate’s hand and drag her inside. She let’s go my hand once we reach the window. I knew the view it was one she would like. A twenty third floor loft. The double ceiling makes the space look wider, open. Free.
She walks around observing, face neutral. I try to get her reaction but so far she has her poker face. I have never been able to read it.
“I know it’s not an apartment per se, and it’t not finished, but I wanted something wider.”
“It’s… wide” she says still looking around. I see her ascending the staircase, the one that leads to the space where the room normally goes. I let her walk around. Observing the way she moves, how her legs flex when going up the stairs, I see her hand gran the rail, fingers tightening her grip.
When she’s up there, I watch as her hands gather her hair into a ponytail, letting fall a few seconds when she notices she doesn’t have a hair band on her. When she turns around to look down I quickly avert my gaze from her.
She come’s down the stairs short after.
“So? What do you think?” I balance on my toes, waiting for her answer, heart beating fast.
“It’s nice, bean” Kate offers me a polite smile. Which it’s nothing of what I was expecting. “Is this the place where you got the application form from?
“Yes but I didn’t want to apply until you had seen it”
Kate’s eyes travel around the place again. “You should do it.”
“Yeah?”
“Sooner or later you would have—” she stops herself from whatever thing she was trying to say. She inhales and exhales, just like when she’s trying to calm herself “I’ll wait for you downstairs, bean, we still need to do grocery shopping”
We both know that was just an excuse.
In any case, we stopped at the grocery store to pick A box of cereal, A carton of milk and A box of assorted teas. That was all our grocery shopping.
Later that night as Kate’s reading on the couch, the TV on the background as I scroll deciding what to watch, I lay my head down on Kate’s lap, making her flinch but other than that not commenting on it. I finally decide on a movie I’ve been watching but for some reason I can’t seem to finish. I see Kate’s hand holding the book.
I absentmindedly trace patterns in her leg. Kate’s hands stops my hand. She puts her book down, I turn to see her already looking at me.
“Bean, what are you doing?” She whispers, I just hear her because I’m close to her. It’s the second time she asks me that.
“What do you mean, Katniss?” I stand from her lap and sit, accommodating my body so I can face her properly.
“You…” I see her swallowing, avoiding my eyes, “you keep finding excuses to touch me, you compliment me, you held my hand more times this week”
“Kate I… I’m sorry. If I have made you feel uncomfortable”
I can practically feel Yelena’s smack against my head, rolling her eyes so hard. Kate stands from the couch. Pacing in front of the coffee table. I see her clenching and unclenching her hands.
“It’s not… Y/N, I know you just got out of a relationship, I know you tend to get clingy when you’re sad, but… it was never like this… and—”
I keep looking her pace the room, cracking her knuckles. She stops and opens her mouth to say something, closing it. Resume pacing.
“Kate it’s not… “
She stops, facing me. She looks taller from this angle. I stand up as well, the coffee table between us.
“Bean, I know you since we were five, you can’t keep doing those things and not expect me to think—“ Kate’s eye look towards the floor, breathing slowly.
I walk closer to her. Tentatively, one step so not to scare her away. She turns to look at me.
“Don’t think what Kate?” I can feel my heart speed up, beating so loud I think she can hear it. My eyes drop to her lips for a millisecond. She notices.
“That they mean something.” She maintains eye contact. Irises impossible blue, darkening.
“Kate…” I take another step towards her. She chuckles humorlessly. The lights reflecting unshed tears in her eyes.
“I’m tired of hoping. I don’t want an almost with you.” Kate’s brow frown, eyes slightly opening. It takes 0.2 seconds to realize what she just said. I see the gears turning in her mind and before I can say something, Kate basically runs towards her bedroom.
I know her well enough that trying to go after her and trying talking to her won’t work. Not if the music sounding from her room is any indication.
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader / Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader
Word Count: 13k(ish)
A/N: I decided to split Act III because the story needed it. Welcome to Act III - Part 1. ✨ Chaos with paperwork. ✨ Italics are memories. Bold italics are text messages. Also, this story has asked to be longer! Act III - Part II coming soon.
A/N 2: This was written on my cellphone so it’s not beta. All typos and mistakes are mine!
Y/N POV
There’s a breeze playing with my hair. I feel lighter, as if I didn’t weigh anything. It’s really dark. My body moves more slowly than I would like. As in gravity zero.
I saw black smoke dissipating. Trees, tall and green. The air smells earthy, humid. The forest at night has always been comfortable. A wolf howls far away at a moon I cannot see. I feel a shadow running past me on my right. A child’s laughter.
I walk towards it. Faster. A playground, two girls around four playing on a slide. One with a purple hoodie tries to jump from the slide. The other stops it. The laughter continues.
The shadow passed behind my back. I follow it again. It's faster this time. I run. The trees blur. I caught a glimpse of a woman in a green-and-black dress walking beside me, matching my pace. I shake my head.
An archery field. I see Kate in her purple hoodie practicing. The shadow touches my shoulder. I follow it instantly. A high school yard. I see my younger self laughing at something Kate said. Someone grabs my face, making me look to my left.
“Not those ones.” THAT voice in my right ear. I look to the other side. Kate carries some boxes into my college dorm. Yelena arrives later with coffee for them. I frown.
The shadow runs at the end of the hall. I chase it. Wanda’s sitting in a coffeehouse. Tucking her shorter hair behind her ear, she leans in to kiss me.
There’s a commotion behind me.
A cup shatters against the floor.
The shadow runs.
I run towards it, I cross the door, and there’s a hallway. Another door at the end. Door after door until the last one doesn’t open. I grab the handle, shake it.
“That’s not how this works,” the dark-haired nurse I keep seeing whispers behind me.
“Aren’t you supposed to help me then?” I asked her, getting frustrated by the second.
“I already did,” she says while opening a pudding. She waves her hand and the hallway spins; hundreds of polaroids fly around me. I catch glimpses of my parents, my brother, my niece, Christmas, New Year’s, graduations, birthday parties, Kate, Wanda, Kate, Wanda, Kate, Wanda.
Car lights shine, and I turn to look at them. There’s a loud CRASH.
Darkness.
Sirens and screams get lost as I’m pulled underwater.
There’s a breeze playing with my hair. I feel lighter, as if I didn’t weigh anything. It’s really dark. I can’t see anything above or under me. My body floats. As if I’m falling into an abyss.
“Some things survive being forgotten. You’re going to make this harder for all of you.” The pudding lady, as I have come to call her, gently pushes me down faster through the abyss.
I wake up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. The clock reads 06:03 a.m. The sun is rising, and a visible fog hides the lower buildings. Kate’s apartment has this obnoxious look towards the city. She claims she hates it. I know it’s the opposite.
Grabbing my new cellphone, courtesy of insurance plus my credit card, I open my messages, checking the last one from Wanda.
Wands Love 💕 “Good luck tomorrow detka”
Love 💫 “Thank you 😙”
I keep staring at the screen, as if magically the three dots will appear and a reply will come.
It doesn’t.
Sleep won’t come again. I know it. So I decide to grab something to eat before showering. I get the black robe Wanda brought me, put on my wrist splint. The boot comes next. I decide to just grab one crutch. I got my sushi non-slip slippers. I need a few seconds to get my breathing back before walking towards the kitchen.
Trying my best to not make much noise I open the door. I have managed to walk without limping as much as the first days. Starting the coffee machine, I decide to make pancakes. Kate still isn’t fully convinced I should be allowed near a stove, but pancakes I can make with my eyes closed
After the first pancake is done, I hear padded steps walking into the kitchen. I serve a cup of coffee. Kate walks in half asleep, half awake. She grabs the mug without saying anything.
I keep flipping pancakes so my back is towards Kate.
“Bean?” Kate doesn’t talk unless the first coffee is fully gone.
“Yeah?” I turn off the stove. “I still think your substitute needs more coffee,” I turn to look at a very still Kate.
“I switched from sugar.” Kate says, leaving her cup on the counter, “Like six months ago, bean.” There’s surprise in her voice, not correction.
“Oh…”
“You made the pancakes, I’ll cut the fruit. Big day we have ahead,” Kate resumes her coffee, taking out some fruit from the fridge.
I take a sip from mine. Breakfast goes as normal as it can.
The drive back to Stark Memorial Medical Center is packed with traffic. At least there was something good by waking up really early. We still arrived on time.
I take another look at my cellphone. Still no new messages. There’s a weird calm in that.
Kate helps me getting out of the car. It has been easier walking with the crutches and the wrist splint. I convinced Kate to let me use just one. She wasn’t really convinced but allowed me to nonetheless with the condition that if my rehabilitation team allowed it, then it was okay.
The rehabilitation wing is on the third floor. I have come to realize I actually like elevator music. I find it oddly calm. Once we reach our destination, Kate informs the receptionist we’re here. I barely had time to try to sit when they call my name. I turn around to find a guy with a really friendly smile in blue scrubs. Kate tries to go with me but is informed patients only.
“Does she really have to stay outside?” I ask him
“Afraid I won’t be gentle?” He asks but is soon followed by a contagious laugh. “I’m sorry but it’s protocol on this first session.”
“It’s okay bean, I’ll wait for you here,” Kate gives me an encouraging smile. I wave a quick bye to her and follow him toward a huge room filled with resistance bands, exercise balls, balance pads, and electrotherapy devices, and some other machines I don’t even want to know the name of. I see some walking ramps and stairs.
There’s also a woman in red scrubs. Contrasting really well with her dark glasses and dark hair.
“Welcome to your future personal torture, it will suck! But you would love it,”
“You’re my therapist?”
“I would be concerned as well. But yes. Name’s Darcy!”
“I would shake your hand but…” Darcy looks at my left hand. The one with the splint.
“We got a jokester, Sam!” Darcy turns towards the guy in blue. Sam I guess is his name.
“I see you met Darcy. She would be your Occupational Therapist, helping with the cognitive rehabilitation. And I’m your Physical Therapist” he motions for me to sit on a chair he got closer to us. He then sits on the other one. Darcy drags her chair noisily over to us.
I try to sit as comfortably as I can. Letting the crutches propped up against the chair. The boot makes my leg so tired.
“I’m sorry, she’ll help with my what now?”
“I'm in charge of jump-starting your brain!” Darcy exclaims enthusiastically—and, to be honest, in a rather worrying way.
Sam rolls his eyes at her. He proceeds to take out a file. Reading something quick and going over a few papers.
“I’m going to explain how your therapies are going to work. Then at the end of the session, I’ll tell your girlfriend the plan we made alongside with you.”
“Is Wanda coming here?” I frown my brows. I thought she wasn’t coming, hence why Kate drove me.
“The girl outside… she ain’t your girlfriend?” Sam asks, still reading the papers rising an eyebrow.
“No, she’s… more than my best friend” but the words get stuck in my throat.
“Dude, let the girl breathe. We’ll explain whatever we need to explain to whoever brought you here” Darcy says, she’s also reading something from a file.
Sam stands up. Darcy stays sitting.
"Let's work through it.” // "Let's make a spreadsheet.” Both of them say at the same time.
“Are you guys just reviewing this for the first time together?”
“NO” both of them say.
This would be fun.
It wasn’t fun.
I’m sore, in pain, tired, sweaty and Sam has this infuriating proud smile. He tortured me with needles, electric needles! Resistance bands, some red thingy that was really warm. At least he gave me a bottle of water.
And now, I’m sitting playing a memory game with Darcy. After I beat her in connect four. I don’t know how or why this will “jumpstart” my brain as she says. But she writes things here and there between games. She’s also asked about my favorite subject in high school. Arts and literature were my answers, she called me a nerd. I told her I also played soccer. She seemed to perk at that. And now we have been talking about teams and players for a solid hour.
“There’s no way I can’t beat you in a game of Mario Kart. I was the undefeated champion of the summer soccer league three years in a row”
“We’ll see” Darcy says while she puts the games away. “Grab your things and I’ll see you over the door.”
I grab my crutches and my discarded hoodie. Checking my cellphone, I see a couple of notifications and a few messages.
Wands Love 💕 “Did therapy go well?”
Wands Love 💕 “Video call in the afternoon?”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “I’m bored”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “And you’re over there playing games without me. How rude!”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Coffee after a first successful session?”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “And yes, there’s a tiny window where I can see you”
Funny how simple words can make me smile. I see Sam heading out of his small cubicle and leaving. Darcy waits for me at the door. She taps her foot, pointing to an invisible watch on her wrist and crossing her arms.
I smile before typing on my phone.
Love 💫 “I think it went well. My therapists are insane!
Love 💫 “I think the next one is on the weekend. Maybe you can come?”
Love 💫 “And yes to the call”
Tiny Human 😜 “>_< You weren’t supposed to see me playing!”
Tiny Human 😜 “Yes to the coffee. Not so sure about successful session”
“Coming!” I tell Darcy while I walk alongside her. She makes this unimpressed face but walks at my pace. When we come out, Sam is giving some papers and final words to Kate. Darcy stays near but doesn’t have any instructions for me. Us?
“My instructions are already on those papers. We’ll see you this Saturday okay? Bring water, pudding!”
“Wait… how… what?” Kate chuckles besides me, grabbing the hoodie from my free hand. She rises a perfectly curved eyebrow. Which reminds me…
“Oh yes, Sam said I could use just one crutch” I say innocently. I heard someone laugh on my left side.
“I said we need to evaluate it after the first three sessions. Please make sure both crutches and boot are used. Until Saturday Y/L/N.” Sam leaves leaving me there watching him go. The betrayal!.
“So… coffee?” Kate asks.
“Coffee.”
I lay on the bed contemplating the ceiling. The clock reads 03:12 a.m.
It has been two weeks since I left the hospital. One week since I started therapy.
The past couple of days have been… interesting. Sam gave me a package of level 01 resisting bands, I’m supposed to exercise my ankle and wrist with them. Darcy sent a lot of reading material on soccer, a lot of journaling exercises and sent Kate to buy coloring books. Resulting in Kate bringing home like five different ones, including one of just mandalas, a really professional and expensive looking case of coloring pencils, markers, and drawing pens. Wanda brought me a leather journal and writing pens.
Both gifts are sitting on the desk. I haven’t touched them since my las session four days ago. What am I supposed to do? Draw and write and hope that, miraculously everything comes back to me?
What if it doesn’t?
Last night after dinner, Yelena and Wanda were here. We were supposed to be having a quiet and nice board game night, like Darcy suggested and making small talk. Wanda looked really tired, Kate seemed uncomfortable on her own home, Yelena was very interested in Kate’s new haircut, which mind you, it irritated me a little. It also doesn’t explain why they suddenly have inside jokes.
And then, we had the sushi accident. Kate and Yelena wanted to order sushi. I told them no, because last time I ordered it, Wanda got sick.
Wanda looked at me with her eyes wide open. I looked at Wanda, Kate looked at me. Yelena ended up ordering salads and wings.
We never finished the game.
Sleep hasn’t come. A tea would help me.
Using both crutches I slowly walk towards the kitchen. Since I’m not supposed to wear the boot to bed, I’m not planting my injured feet. It takes me two more minutes reaching the kitchen than my normal walk.
Yelena is asleep on the couch. She has done it so many times, so why does it bother me so much right now?
Wanda decided on going back to our shared apartment. A place I have no memories of. I got concerned if she was going to drive but remembered she arrived on Uber. Still I told her to text me when she got there. She’s refusing to spend the night at Kate’s so I suggested next Friday, after therapy, I spent the night on our apartment.
I was met with silence.
Then Wanda agreed on it.
The kettle starts to boil and I turn on the stove before it makes more noise. Lavender and chamomile tea. I hope it helps me sleep. I sit on the kitchen island, enjoying the quietness of the early morning.
I don't want to be a different version of me.
“Who says different is bad?” Her.
I turn on the chair. The pudding lady is leaning against the sink. Green, old looking dress, a dark forest green robe around her shoulders. Her dark hair cascades loose over her shoulders.
“Now I know for sure I’m dreaming”
“Does it feel like a dream?”
I look around the kitchen. Nothing is blurry; I’m not running nor flying. No polaroids flying. Over the couch in the living room, a tiny snore from Yelena.
“Why do you keep appearing to me?” I ask without looking at her. Instead observing the sleeping form of Yelena. The friend we adopted years ago. Nat’s little sister. Someone who I trust. And yet…
“That’s not the right question, honey” Thin fingers, with dark, long and manicured nails, take my cup from the island counter. Sipping my tea.
“Are you real?”
“Rude”
There’s a silence. It’s comfortable. The moon light shines thought the curtains, making a straight pattern on the living room floor. I remember the nights I used to watch the full moon outside on our backyard with my parents and brother.
Simpler times.
The city quiets down as well. But never sleeps. It’s just like white noise.
“I’m tired” I say out loud, not sure if the pudding lady is still here. Or if I am awake. Or asleep.
“I know”
“No, like not physically” am I not really?
“I know.”
I finally turn around to look at her. Really look at her.
Brown eyes observing me, over sharp cheekbones and jaw, black hair encircles her face, her skin carried an olive warmth that made the shadows around her look greener. She looks almost ethereal.
“Honey is not a name.” I frown remembering something.
“I never say it was” she tilts her head, leaning both elbows on the counter of the island, hands supporting her face. She smirks lifting an eyebrow.
“Zutka!” I heard a thump and Yelena’s voice coming from the living room. I turn to see her on the floor, blanket half on the couch and half on her. She looks disoriented.
“Bad dream?” I ask her.
“What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t sleep so I was drinking tea with… honey” I turn around but the kitchen is empty.
“Honey wouldn’t make you sleep Y/L/N. Linden tea will.” She walks to the kitchen observing my empty cup. “Would you want another?”
I shake my head. There’s a headache coming my way.
“Actually, yes. I could use one.” Yelena observes me but silently starts prepping tea for two. I notice the spreadsheet Kate has on the fridge, indicating the times I’m supposed to take my pain pills and that. Advil is included in the medicines I can take for headaches.
A cup is placed on the counter. Yelena sits on the other chair.
“I feel a headache coming”
“Then you should sleep and stop thinking” she says but reaches for one of the boxes accommodated neatly on the center of the kitchen island. Kate insisted they were placed within my reach. Even getting some strip of pills on my nightstand table.
“Tea. Pill. Sleep,” She says and stands, grabbing her cup towards the couch. I obey.
“You’re telling me to walk without the boot and the crutches and expect me not to fall?” My hand is grabbing the handle of the parallel bar. I refuse to put my whole weight on my injured ankle.
My left hand is still with the splint, and Sam allowed me to keep it that way for today’s session. My grip is not that comfortable, but it helps me not to feel a lot of pain.
“Now you want to use the crutches? Kate reported you were being a little shit and not using them.” Sam laughs, but he’s standing behind me, at a respectful distance, waiting for me to start walking.
“She would never.” I put a little bit of weight. It’s uncomfortable but tolerable.
“Oh, she did!” Darcy enters the space. In her arms, some notebooks and books.
I didn’t believe Kate when she told me she would report me. I guess I underestimated her patience.
“Good. Now small steps,” Sam encourages me to give a tiny step.
Stepping my heel first, slowly planting my whole foot. I balance my weight on my right side when I lift my left ankle to take the step.
And the pain returns. I grimace, clenching my teeth. Breathing out. I force myself to complete it.
“It hurts!” I complain.
“Good, it means you’re walking,” Sam, the encouraging one.
“So funny!” My jaw hurts from clenching it. The walking distance is not more than one meter. It should be easy. It should be fast.
It takes me five minutes to complete it.
Sam wants me to take another lap. I manage half before my ankle loses against gravity and twists, sending an alert to my nervous system and making my brain register the pain as a hundred needles playing piñata with my nerve.
He takes pity on me and lets me “rest” with Darcy for twenty minutes while icing my ankle. I’m sore, in pain, and especially, I’m frustrated I can’t even walk a short distance properly.
I used to run for 90 minutes when I played soccer. I even tried to run half a marathon before. I feel stupid.
Darcy takes advantage of it and asks me about high school things again before jumping straight to my relationship with Wanda.
I pursued her for three months before making it official.
She was the one to ask if I wanted to be her girlfriend.
I never liked her ex-boyfriend, “Jarvis - Vis - Vision” being her boss.
She was jealous of Kate.
She has a twin brother, 12 minutes older, named Pietro.
She likes to watch old sitcom reruns.
I don’t remember moving in with her.
I don’t remember our first or second anniversary.
She doesn’t drink coffee anymore.
I’m not as excited to spend the night at her (our) apartment as I thought I would be.
By the time the twenty minutes are done, I feel worse. I feel the tension in my shoulders, a permanent scowl on my face, and this persistent headache. I’m tired, and all I want to do is crawl back to bed.
Kate and Wanda are waiting outside. They agreed on Kate driving me here and Wanda meeting us at the entrance. Then, after my session, Wanda and I would go for lunch and then to “our” apartment.
They talked and made plans without consulting me, like I’m just a kid with divorced parents and they’re switching custody. Like a shared responsibility or obligation. Like if I wasn’t in the room when it happened.
It’s stupid.
“Dude, if you feel like it, it’s valid,” Darcy tells me from her couch.
“Did I say that aloud?”
“Girlfriend and best friend are making plans for you without taking you into consideration, and you feel stupid for feeling angry at them,” She says while writing something and not looking at me. “And you feel bad because they have been taking care of you without hesitation”.
“I just… they have been really cautious with what they say, how they act, and I… I’m living eighteen months behind. I try to catch them, but life keeps moving forward. And I’ve been writing and painting as you suggested, but my brain hasn’t even jump-started shit! And everyone keeps looking at me like “oh poor Y/L lost her memories, but we can’t tell her shit” and I’m fucking tired of playing a version of me that doesn’t fit with everyone else’s versions!"
Sam walks back just in time to hear the last thing of my ramblings.
“Yeah, it sucks. It’s unfair. You lost eighteen months, and everyone around you kept living.” He crosses his arms. “But nobody can hand your life back to you. You want agency? Start taking it. Don’t remember things? Make new things!”
“Actually that’s a pretty good advice. Now I feel like I should start cheering you on the physical therapy” Darcy stands up and grabs a pilates ball. In her excitement she trips with a pair of dumbbells sending the ball flying to the other end of the room.
When I come out of therapy, Kate’s nowhere in sight. Wanda’s texting on her phone. Her furrowed brows deep in concentration. She lifts her eyes and sees me. Putting away her phone she comes closer to me.
A peck on the lips as greeting.
“How was therapy?” She grabs the things Darcy gives her (some books and list of writing exercises, along with a print out of my physical home routine. And a new box of resistance bands.
“It was… eye opening” I say looking at Darcy.
“Go you!” She gives me a double thumbs up and goes back inside.
“Kate said she would text you. Her mother called and had to leave for a meeting” Wanda says while we walk towards the elevators. She looks at her phone again.
“Oh”
Why do I feel disappointed that she didn’t wait for me?
“Can we have pizza for lunch?” I ask Wanda in hopes that comfort food can lift my spirit.
“Sure. As long as you also have a salad”
“And cheesecake for dessert?” The elevators door open. We enter the metal box. She presses the button for the Basement Two.
“And tea instead of coffee?” Wanda counter asks. I nod vigorously. Apparently coffee was something she also got sick with.
The drive to her/our apartment is quiet. Wanda drives slower than I remember but given the current situation, that might have changed as well and I was no longer entitled to the memory. I observe the neighborhood, it seems familiar.
There’s a small park with children playing near a convenience store. I feel chills running down my back. I turn the A/C off.
The roads are getting wider than the city. A quiet neighborhood it seems. I see some complex buildings ahead. They seem luxurious. She parks in front of a seven stories building. I contemplate through the window.
In front of the building there’s a small park. A few swings, a seesaw and a monkey bar where a few kids are playing. There’s a dog barking somewhere near. It’s cute. It looks like the perfect place to play with your family.
Wanda leaves the car and helps me get out. Once she’s confident I’m standing still, she grabs my bag from the trunk. A small blue bag Kate helped me pack for the weekend. Even though it’s just one night. I know Wanda has been tired so I motion for the bag. I can carry it on my shoulders.
She’s having none of it.
A kid laughs in the park. The dog barks.
“Terrible survival instincts” I whisper as I look at the park. Now, where that came from? I feel a sudden sensation that I already lived this exact moment. I shake my head and turn to look towards the building.
The building is grey, big dark glass panels cover the first two floors. The rest have smaller windows on them.
“Our apartment it’s-“
“On the third floor. I know” I say without looking at her. I remember visiting her before officially dating. I start walking towards the entrance, doing longer steps with the crutches. I feel Wanda join me a few seconds later.
Inside there’s a small lobby. Black floors adorned with a “Welcome” mat, on one side the mail boxes. Seven in total. On the other side the door for the stairs, the basement and the garbage disposal unit. On the other side, the elevators.
Wanda called the elevator. Taking a small card from her purse, she placed it on the panel.
“What happened to the fingerprint panel?” I ask, observing my reflection on the mirror.
“They changed it last year” She looks at me through the mirror. Her fingers tighten around the bag strap.
“Right”
The door opens towards a small space, a lamp on the corner indicates this is the entrance to the apartment. A wooden door with a metallic black number “3” on the side of the door. There’s a box near it. A package it seems.
We walk towards the entrance, Wanda takes out the key and enters, leaving the door open for me. A few seconds later she re-appears next to me.
“Ready?”
There’s an image of a younger version of us, her hair was longer and I wasn’t on crutches. Wanda saying exactly the same. We crossed the door carrying a brand new box of dishes. The first thing we bought when we moved in.
And now we’re crossing the same door, but there’s not excitement. I feel my heart speed up. A constant pinching on my stomach. Like a small elf making a hole with a needle.
Inside the first thing I see is the living room. Really spacious. There’s a grey sofa with a soft pink blanket on it. A love seat on the same color. In the middle there’s a coffee table. Some books on them. The TV is marked by a wood panel, some shelves and a plant on the corner.
Before stepping more inside. I look towards the left. There’s a small rack with a couple of shoes. I recognize some of Wanda’s. Some of them are mine.
“You can keep them for now if you want” Wanda says seeing where I was watching.
“No, no. I can take them off” I hand her the crutches. She places them leaning against the couch. I remove my left shoe first. The boot stays on but I try to shake the dust as much as possible. I take one crutch.
There are a few pictures of us on the shelves.
A trip to the beach: I don’t remember
Us in a fancy dinner: Steve’s wedding. I remember that one.
Us in front of a ferris wheel. We look so happy and in love. Probably during our first year.
I grab the one that stands out more. Wanda’s looking at something outside the frame, I’m hugging her from behind. We’re both laughing so hard, based on the eyes closed and wrinkled. It rained that day. Our hairs are wet and plastered on our face. Her dress and my blouse are drenched. I can almost smell the dirt wet, the saltiness on the air.
Our laughter echoes through the picture.
“This is from our first anniversary” I say. Not a question. We both agreed it was a terrible shot. But we liked it enough we asked the photographer to print it as well.
“You remember?” Her voice is so delicate, she whispered close to me. I see her fingers grabbing the other side of the frame.
“A little. I don’t…” I pause, because the memory per se is fragmented. I don’t remember the whole day, but this particular moment. “We went for ice cream short after. The boy behind the counter called us crazy. After that? It’s fussy” I tried to remember more details. It’s like trying to hold onto sand. I think I have it and slips right through my fingers.
Wanda smiles gently.
“We went back to the hotel” She says, grabbing my hand and tracing patterns on the back of it with her thumb. “We took a hot shower and” She stops herself. Biting her lips, hesitating on what comes next. “We spent the whole night making love. We lost the dinner reservation we had on the beach. They charged it anyway”
I feel my cheeks heat at the thought of us intertwined on the sheets. I look the other way and hear myself laughing, genuinely.
“Of course they would still charge it” After looking it a few more seconds, I placed it back on the shelf.
“Do you want the tour or…?” Wanda stops herself. I keep looking around. I see the kitchen behind the living room, towards the right. An island kitchen in front of the sink, right next to the window. It looks towards the park. Echos of kids playing can be heard.
I take small steps towards the hall. A door on may left. I know that’s the bathroom. It’s shared between visits and the guest room. A second door a few steps next to the other one, it’s the guests room. Would I be sleeping there?
“Your office is here” Wanda says while opening the door. When did it become an office? And why do I need one on the apartment? I take tentative steps but I linger at the door.
The walls are painted in a light shade of green. The small window, looking towards the street is covered by grey curtains. A bookcase, a small desk with a closed laptop. Some folders and a notebook on top of the desk. There’s a lounge chair on the corner, close to a lamp and a small table.
I see myself reading a book there. At night. The lamp is on. Wanda comes in, placing a cup of coffee on the table and takes the book out of my hands, placing herself on my lap, handing me back the book. I kiss her forehead, securing her with my arms by her waist. I read us out loud. I can hear Wanda’s sigh.
The place looks neat.
It smells recently cleaned.
I keep walking, Wanda follows close.
Guarding.
Watching.
Measuring the information I can manage.
Her eyes on me are soft. Like she’s seeing me for the first time. Like when she saw me on our first official date.
“Is this our room then?” I stop in front of the last door at the end of the hall. It’s bigger than the others. I grab the handle, waiting for something.
Courage? Maybe.
Permission? Totally.
Confirmation? I know it’s ours.
“It is” She says.
I open the door.
Inside there’s a king size bed. Covered with a yellow quilt. It contrasts beautifully with the beige on the walls.
There are two nightstands.
Wanda’s side has a lamp, her phone charger and a book about gardening.
My side nightstand has my charger, the digital clock and my watch. There’s a dent on the wall. I made it one day precisely with that clock. It slipped from my hands when I was dusting.
The TV is front of the bed, a small furniture under it. An empty vase. A candle, halfway burnt, a humidifier, an incense holder.
To the left, the walking closet and the ensuite bathroom.
Wanda’s perfume reaches my nose, I’m fresh out of the shower. She’s getting ready for work. The steam coming from the bathroom. Her red hair cascades down her back. And I wonder if she knows how beautiful she is. I try to catch her eyes, but she walks out without a word. Last night fight still echoes in my mind.
I shake my head. There’s a hollow on my stomach just thinking about it. I swallow.
Guess Darcy forgot to mention memory doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints.
Slamming doors.
Shared laughs.
Shallow breaths.
Moaning.
Yelling.
Heated words.
Talks at 02:00 a.m.
Cuddles.
Waking up tangled in each other’s arms.
Sleeping.
Images floating around my mind. Blurry details. Fragmented realities that lack order.
I feel my breathing starting to speed. A headache is coming.
I sit on our bed.
Breathing in. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Breathing out.
Breathing in. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Breathing out.
Breathing in. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Breathing out.
Wanda’s hand brings me back to the room. She’s breathing loudly, her hands tighten her grip on mine. She looks into my eyes, guiding me to match her breathing.
In… Out.
Slower.
In… Out.
Again.
In… Out.
“Better?” She asks.
I snort.
“Define better” I say but I smile, a tiny sad smile.
“Perhaps a bath could help?” She says, standing up and going to the ensuite bathroom. I hear the water starting to fall. She’s filling the bathtub.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “I’m sorry I had to leave, mother summoned me. How was therapy?”
Kate’s message distracts me from the turmoil on my head.
Tiny Human 😜 “It was brutal.”
…
…
Tiny Human 😜 “I thought… never mind. How’s Eleanor?”
…
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Mother’s good. You thought what, bean?”
That you were going to wait.
That you’ll be there when I was done.
That I was still going to see you.
Tiny Human 😜 “That we were going for lunch”
…
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “We were. But dinner’s on me tomorrow night. Once you come back from your sleepover!”
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Scratch that. Yelena says she’ll cook tacos for you”
I look at the message. Yelena is with Kate at the moment. There’s a nagging pain in the back of my mind.
Wanda chooses that moment to come out. Her hands look wet.
“Bath’s ready, detka, would you like some help?” She comes closer, extending her hand to help me stand up. I grab it.
We walk to the ensuite. Or rather she walks and I limp. Having left the crutches on the bedroom floor. I see my clothes on the small table next to the bath. Wanda must have taken fresh clothes out of the closet.
“I think I can do it by myself. Thanks babe” the word rolls out easily, yet it feels wrong saying it. Like I nickname I’m trying but is not adding. Like a placeholder for something deeper.
Wanda doesn’t say anything, just nods and proceeds to leave.
“Wands?” She stops at the door, abruptly. Like she was waiting for me to call her back. Her eyes are expecting. “Were we happy? You know… before brain decided short-circuit”
Her eyes look into mine. She holds my gaze for three long seconds before dropping it to the floor but she smiles. A tight lipped smile, the ones you give when you remember so many things.
“Very” she turns around and leaves. I watch her back retreat and the bedroom door closing short after.
I take a look on the mirror. There are skin care products on the sink. I recognize some of mine. Untouched. Wanda’s are almost empty. Some vitamins bottle stand out. I grab one that says Folic Acid. The other one is a combination of Vitamin D, Calcium and Iodine.
Would I was taking them? I used to take supplements in college, so maybe old me was lacking things and re-took the habit.
My head aches at the thought. A bath indeed is what I need.
The moment I submerged my body on the bath, a chill ran down my spine. I had to force myself to stay there and not panic. My ribs were the ones to protest the rapid and shallow breathing I was doing.
“Water can’t hurt me.” Was a mantra I told myself to finish the bath.
I don’t feel energized, reinvigorated or younger. I feel just… clean at least.
The bruises have taken on a yellow/greenish color.
My ankle still looks a little on the purple side, but it doesn’t swell when I’m not using the boot. The wrist is another case. It doesn’t hurt as much, but it is uncomfortable trying to have it still without the splint.
When Wanda returns to the room, I’m laying on the bed. Boot and splint are discarded over a chair. And I’m wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. Pietro gave them to me as a joke. Turns out joke was on him, because I love them! They’re so comfy. I wonder why Wanda didn’t set them to Kate?
I pat the space next to me on the bed. Wanda smiles and climbs slowly, laying next to me. I turn my head to have a better look at her.
The bags under her eyes are still there but they don’t look as pronounced anymore. Good. She’s been sleeping at least.
I get closer. My hand caresses her cheek; she leans into my touch.
My hand moves down toward her neck, drawing her toward me. Slowly, giving her a chance to pull away. She closes the distance.
Her lips taste like ginger tea. I’m the one deepening the kiss. She allows me.
My hand navigates her neck, down towards her breast, her stomach. I feel her tense.
She guides my hand towards her hips.
I need air.
I pull away but keep my forehead resting on hers. My eyes are closed.
“I’m afraid…” I open to see forest green irises looking back at me. “Of not remembering how to touch you”
“Then allow me to remember you” I feel her hot breathing on my lips before she reclaims them tenderly.
Wanda maneuvers me slowly, careful of my ribs, she interwinds her fingers, keeping my hand on her hip. My left hand rests easily on her back, fingers scratching behind her blaze. Her lips trace kisses on my neck, finding exactly the spot she knows I unravel.
My body reacts with humiliating ease.
Wanda’s hand moves higher beneath my shirt, dangerously close to my breasts. My body reacts in ways I didn’t think possible.
The frantic beat of my heart doesn’t match the tight knot forming in my stomach… nor the heat pooling low in my body.
Something inside me clenches instead. My mind lags behind, stranded somewhere my body has already left.
I feel her lips suck on my pulse.
“Were we good? Like… I mean… I don’t know. Brain’s fuzzy.” I feel the heat on my cheeks. Short breaths between words. I feel the need to clarify I just don’t mean this.
She stops her ministrations for a second.
“We were” she sucks on it so hard it hurts. “Very good” she kisses the source of pain.
I free my hand from hers. Tracing patterns from her hip, reaching under her shirt.
Wanda’s breath catches, she returns to my lips.Kisses me harder.
Every time my hands drift lower, Wanda guides them elsewhere.My shoulders. Her waist—briefly. Her breast. Her chest.Anywhere but there.
I reach again for her waist. Wanda catches my wrist. Kisses my palm. Interwind our fingers.
I pull away again. My breathing is shallow, and my ribs are starting to protest. I let a big sigh escape my mouth.
“We don’t have to” Wanda sits, her upper body above me, cautious of not letting her weight rest on me.
“You always do that” I look at her, she’s still perfectly composed. An image of Wanda’s hair unraveled, naked above me crossed my mind.
“What?” Tilting her head, she frees my hands.
“Taking care of things before I ask”
Her eyes drop to the mattress.
“You said the same thing at the hospital” she caresses my ribs, my shirt gets in the way but I still feel her tentative touch.
I feel my eyes starting to drop.
I guess, after all…. The bath did relaxed me a little.
“Com’ere” my voice sounds so sleepy. Pain medicines are kicking in. Or the whole puzzle of what my lifestyle has become has taken finally a toll on me.
I feel Wanda’s body lay down in front of me, her back touches my hands. I sneak my arm around her waist, like I know we did al the time before sleeping.
She grabs it and puts it on her chest. I feel her fast heartbeat.
“I love… you” mumbling the words out.
Wanda caresses my hand. Tightening her grip.
“Sleep, detka”
My breathing evens out.
I feel a tear fall onto my arm.
The heaviness in my mind pulls me under before I can question it.
The moonlights shines through the window towards the bed, drawing a luminous path. The shadows of the nearby threes, form a bridge on the carpet.
Wanda sleeping has always been one of my favorite things to watch.
She looks… relaxed. Innocent.
I keep wondering if we were really good, why did I felt so out of sync?
“Timing has never been your fort”
I don’t want to look towards the chair. I know she’s sitting there. For now, her presence just irritates me more.
Wanda shudders in front of me. A breath from her mouth turns into fog. I pull the cover tighter over her.
“You’re not supposed to exist here”
“Now that’s rude.”
I risk a glance towards the chair. I expected it to be empty.
She’s sitting there, green robe with the hood on.
The clouds cover the moon. She’s gone.
Wanda’s phone kept ringing the whole ride back to Kate’s apartment. Incoming calls and texts from Jarvis.
I asked about it.
Once.
She deflected the topic saying it was just work. A big deal coming to a close and the team urgently pulling extra shifts.
There’s a permanent mark on my forehead from the many times my brows have furrowed.
Breakfast felt wrong. Too quiet. Too careful.
There wasn’t much talking after I conveniently asked if we had talked last night. She told me I fell asleep after our failed attempt. She didn’t said failed. Wanda’s too protective for it. But I saw it on the way she looked at me.
Guilt.
Avoiding my eyes.
Barely pecking my lips.
My mind left the apartment with more questions than answers.
The ride is longer than usual. Or it feels longer. I glance through the windows. I’m watching how the scenery changes from tress and quiet roads to big buildings and traffic noise.
Kate’s building apartment comes into view
Tiny Human 😜 “I’ll be there in 5 minutes or so.”
…
…
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Meet you downstairs then, bean!”
“Wanda?” She enters the guest’s parking lot. Turning the car off, she unbuckles her seatbelt. I do the same.
I scratch my neck. It feels difficult saying goodbye. Never mind I know I’ll see her during the week. Wanda’s been coming three to four times a week during the afternoons. But, this time, it feels different. Heavy, loaded with something I can’t put my finger on.
“I love you detka, I really do,” she cuts any sentence or word I was about to say. Her hands are playing with the rings she still wears.
Her eyes are seeing her lap.
Incoming call from Jarvis. She sends it to voice mail.
“I know,” I squeeze her hand with my right one before opening the door. I step out, balancing the crutches. Wanda comes out, grabbing my small bag, leaving it on the floor.
I heard the door towards the parking open. I turn around and see Kate, her hair’s braided and she looks almost ethereal. My shoulders relax seeing her smile.
“Call you later?” I say to Wanda. She nods, hesitating on hugging me or not.
She hugs me. Her hair smells like vanilla and a sweet perfume.
She goes back to the car. The car turns on and leaves.
Kate picks up the bag, and I turn in time to look at her.
“Hey bean, how-?” her eyes are fixed on my neck, smile faltering. “I see the slumber party went well.” she tights the cord of my back, adjusts it higher to her shoulder.
I scratch my neck, letting my hair fall, covering what I know she’s looking at.
“Kate it’s not…” what? A hickey?
“Didn’t know physical therapy included THAT kind of exercises. Dude, you could have asked!” She refuses to look at me. My stomach twists. My heart speeds up.
I signal with my hands. A vomiting of words coming.
“We didn’t… it’s not what it looks like…. I couldn’t. I stopped it!” I yell the last part when I see her starting to walk.
Kate freezes at the last part, her breath hitch. Slowly turning around. Her jaw tightens, swallowing before relaxing it.
“I… it felt… wrong. Distant” I’m not looking at her, I feel the heat crept under my neck. “We tried but…I didn’t feel it right…so I pulled away.”
Kate doesn’t say anything. I risk a glance at her. Her posture is rigid, white knuckles clenching the step of the bag. She exhales and resumes walking in a slower pace. Allowing me to catch up to her. She presses the button for the elevator. One, two, three times.
The elevator actually comes faster. I don’t comment about it as we get inside.
The metal box seems to have reduced in size. Kate avoids looking at me instead concentrating on the buttons of the panel.
“Katniss…”
Kate now looks at me. Really looks at me.
Blue irises search the mark on my neck, looking at the floor in a change of direction.
I still hide it with my hand, pretending I’m scratching it.
“That doesn’t make you a bad person bean, and there’s nothing wrong with you. You said it felt different.” she says, her eyes now look at the numbers going out.
“Like I was there… but I wasn’t…Like-” I start to explain, furrowing my brows in search of the right words.
Like I was out of sync.
Like Wanda’s touch felt unfamiliar.
As if my body had its own agenda.
As if I was separated from my mind.
And my heart knew something I didn’t.
As if something else was pulling me out.
But the rest of the words get stuck on my throat.
“Like I was relieved once I stopped instead of mortified” I sigh. Shaking my head as if trying to dissipate the fog I feel.
“What you felt? You’re still allowed to feel and choose.” Kate’s voice almost breaks. The elevator doors open, Kate’s hands block the sensor on the door so I can step out on my own without metal doors crunching me. When I pass by her side, I see her jaw clenched. She still avoids my eyes.
The door to the apartment opens, Yelena coming out, apron tied, canon her hand.
“Heey!” She stops in front of of us. Her smile vanishes once she looks the hickey. She turns to see Kate. I follow her sight and see the tiniest shake of head of Kate. Yelena goes back to the apartment. “And you were worried about her, Kate Bishop,” is the last thing I hear before she slams the door.
Kate sighs. She forces a smile on her face. “I stand my ground”. She looks me straight in the eye. “There’s nothing wrong with you, bean.” And for a second, something shifts in Kate’s expression. Her eyes widen a little, staring at me a second too long, her lips part her hand tightening on the sensor.
She chuckles and leaves the elevator, keeping her hand on the sensor. I step out.
The alarm sounds exactly at 05:30 a.m. Going back to work today feels like an enormous accomplishment. I was out of commission for three weeks, and going back, it’s kinda scary.
Dinner last night was a little off. Yelena barely spoke to me, Kate overcompensated the talk, and I was trying hard to ignore the ache I was feeling. So I texted Natasha late at night to ask if she could pick me up and drive me to work. I know Kate wouldn’t have minded, but I have asked a lot from her already.
Nat agreed. No questions asked. Just a thumbs up emoji.
So now I’m getting dressed the best I can for work. Formal pants don’t give a lot of room for the boot mind you. The blouse and the splint is easier. I just grab the blazer but don’t wear it.
Now, Sam finally gave me the okay to use one crutch as support. He changed it for a pair of forearm crutches. Which are a little bit more comfortable.
Stepping out, I try to make as little noise as possible, knowing well Kate won’t wake up until 8:30.
There’s a container on the kitchen island with my name on it in Yelena’s handwriting.
“Coffee is on thermos. Heat this for breakfast. Stop making messes and try not to emotionally devastate the Archer today. YB”
I have a feeling I kind of messed up something. Moral hangover is one of the worst feelings. I kept circling back to the weekend at Wanda’s, well, our apartment. There’s a nagging feeling on the back of my head, like a wave of information coming and going before I grab it.
N. Romanoff “I’m here”
Y//L/N “On my way”
Grabbing the thermos I see there’s another stick note on it. I would recognize Kate’s handwriting everywhere.
“Have fun on your first day back at work. Go kick some ass - xoxo - K”
I can’t help but notice the flip-flop my stomach just did. Trying not to overthink it, I grab my office bag, my lunchbox and go downstairs. Nat meets me outside the car. Black leather jacket and sunglasses perched on her nose. She comes closer taking the bag and lunchbox from my hands.
“Lena was right on telling me to bring the car” She casually says, opening the door for me.
“I’m glad you listened to her. Otherwise the ride on your bike would have been something to remember”
“It’s good to see you Y/N”
“It’s good to see you too Nat”
Thank God Nat is not a small-talk kind of girl and the ride towards the office is quiet, music filling the space. When we arrive, she brings my stuff along with hers. Steve bumps into us “casually”, I secretly know he was waiting on the lobby. Bucky sent an image of him to our chat group. Nat smirked.
“Good to see you back Y/L/N. You were dearly missed” he hugs me carefully and I can’t help but melt in his arms. He has this aura around him of old dad. Comfort with dorkiness all in one. Peggy is a lucky woman. They don’t make them like him anymore.
I slowly walk towards my office, with Natasha’s company, some coworkers wave. When we reach my door Bucky’s the one waiting. He hugs me without a doubt.
“Welcome back, doll,”
“It feels good to be back, soldat,” He grunts and grimaces at the nickname, but if you expect me not to call it that, after discovering the man has a well built and very rude and disciplinary routine for exercising, you’re wrong.
He opens the door an right there on my desk are a bouquet of black calla lilies and white orchids, a matte black rigid box, velvet-lined, with tiny gold lettering, and a black pencil case.
Everything screams obnoxious luxury.
I sit on the desk, inspecting the set up.
Taking a closer look, the smell of wood and something sweet reaches my nose. I grab the card on the floors.
“Welcome back, dear.
Your absence was inconveniently noticeable. I’m pleased to see your survival instincts are not quite as terrible as I feared. For a moment, I suspected something older than paperwork had taken an interest in you. It would have been terribly inefficient.
Try not to die again. The paperwork was unbearable.
Looking forward to resuming our work.Agnes”
Of course.
Looking closer at the black box, I see it’s labeled “Handmade Truffles” a list of flavors, handwritten mind you, reads: Dark Chocolate Sea Salt, Espresso Cardamom Ganache, Lavender Honey White Chocolate, Smoked Bourbon Caramel, Chili Cinnamon Dark Chocolate, Raspberry Rose Peppercorn and Earl Grey Bergamot Ganache all with gold leaf details.
I peek at the inside and I am met with art in chocolate form. Kate would probably drool at the sight.
The black box, has its own label: "Contracts deserve better than disposable ink.” And when I open it, I found a classic very elegant Montblanc Fountain Pen.
I kinda feel touched by Agnes sending something but at the same time I feel intimidated. I see Natasha peeking at the gifts.
“Why does it feel like a Mafia Boss sent tributes?” She asks while reading the card.
“Because it did” Bucky grabs the chocolates. He lets out a whistle “Are these insured?” I chuckle at his antics. We all know Agnes is one of the most influent women in the industry, so being able to work with that it’s really a privilege.
“You know?” Nat says while observing the pen, “Steve offered to resume the paperwork with her while you recovered.”
And I know that’s what companies do all the time. At the moment I just feel grateful.
“She politely declined, leaving very clearly that the opportunity only happened because it was you handling it. Which to be honest… I’m impressed you caught her attention”
I’m not sure impressed is the word I would use.
“Lunch, doll?” Bucky asks before leaving the office. I just happily smile. It does feel good to be back. Regaining my life one step at the time.
A knock on the door distracts me from the heavy and boring reading this paperwork has. I left for a few weeks and the mistakes they made with the contracts, just piled upon. Stupid corporate people feeling superior and knowing a shit about things.
My headache has increased. I was denied a second cup of coffee by my very wise and very concerned intern. She mumbled something about not wanting to get on Miss. Romanoff bad side, which rude, Nat would never and now I’m nursing a very bleakly tea cup.
Wanda and Kate hadn’t responded to my messages and I know they’re busy but, I still feel this moral ambiguity about them.
“You’re staring at that paper like it personally offended you” Nat enters, blazer and bag on display. I look at the time and I see it’s time for lunch.
“It actually did” I stand up. Cracking my back when I stretch it. I take a few minutes to breath, save the work on the document, grab my crutches and slowly walk towards Nat.
“Is the permanent frown joining us for lunch?” She asks while I past her, closing the door after me.
“Sorry”
“Don’t be. Bucky is waiting downstairs. We thought we could eat on the cafeteria, rather than making you walk to the pub in front. It’s Taco Tuesday after all.”
“Actually… that doesn’t sound bad.” I do like tacos.
When we arrive at the cafeteria, Bucky has found a table, waiting for us, already with drinks.
“Mineral lemonade for you, zero alcohol beer for Nat” He says, standing up to help me, pushing the chair closer to the table once I’m seated. Ever the gentleman.
“You’re drinking Diet Pepsi now?” I ask because I wouldn’t be surprised if that was another change that happened while I was gone.
“I lost a bet. The flavor is growing on me” he says reading the board with the items you can add on your Tacos.
After I give Nat what would I like, she helps me carrying my tray. Bucky helps himself with like ten tacos and I know, he will have seconds. With the amount of exercise he does, he can afford eating thirty tacos!.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Hope the day is not giving you troubles”
Tiny Human 😜 “Troubles are the only thing that waited for me”
…
Wands Love 💕 “Eat lunch before taking your medication”
Love 💫 “Meds are the only thing right now under control.”
…
…
Wands Love 💕 “😘”
…
…
World’s Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Sorry, bean.”
I didn’t know how to reply to it. My mind keeps replaying the weekend. Trying to fill on the blank gaps. I know the information is within reach, I still can’t find the right key to access them.
“You’ve been staring at that lemonade for a full minute.” Bucky says.
“Sorry. It’s just… everybody keeps walking on eggshells around me” I stir my lemonade, since the syrup had settled at the bottom.
“Nice use of plural” Natasha casually says, sipping at her beer.
“What?”
“Everybody. It’s a very convenient word”
Suddenly my tacos are the most interesting thing in the room. I think I’m starting to lose my appetite.
“It excludes you from saying who you're actually mad at” Bucky says, having finished with his second serving of tacos.
“I’m not mad” I play with the fingers of my right hand, cracking them one by one.
“Sure” Nat fills the silence with casual conversation about something an intern said. I’m not really paying that much of attention. It’s not until Bucky comes with coffee and lemon pie that I’m brought back to reality.
“Are you sure am I allowed to have coffee?” I say because someone refused to give me a second cup this morning.
“Why not? You always had coffee after lunch”
I feel a punch in my stomach “You always had”. I know he doesn’t mean it in a bad way, neither the persons around me that remind me things I liked or disliked it from the past 18 months. Which, I might not have remembered events or places, but I know what I liked it.
“I think… No.” I shake my head “Everybody expects me to go back to my regular old self”
Two pair of eyes observe me. Natasha squints her eyes. Bucky grabs a bite of pie, drinking his coffee.
“People miss who you were. Doesn’t mean you owe them that version forever.”
“You have permission to renew your old self.” Nat ends up saying, looking towards the window. The clouds look grey. The weather girl forecasted a light rain.
World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “We can watch trashy TV tonight.”
Kate's message flashes across my screen.
“You got hit by a car, survived memory loss, and crawled through hell. If you came out exactly the same, I’d be concerned.” Bucky says. Eyes glued to his pie.
“Plus, the European duchess that sent you an inheritance?”
“You mean Agness?” I ask, chuckling at the variety of nicknames those two can come up with for the same person. A very eccentric and dramatic person.
“Tomato, tomate.” Nat’s hand discarded the accusation.
“Agnes didn’t send that because she expects the old you back. She sent them because she thinks whoever walks back through that door will still be worth betting on.”
She looks at her watch. Stands up, kisses my cheek.
“Stop trying to crawl back into an old version of yourself. That mold shattered on impact, honey” a chill runs down my spine at her choice of nickname.
I watch her back walking towards the door, turning to wink at the cashier. Nat loves making people blush.
“I still think the chocolates are poisoned” Bucky says emptying his coffee cup. Waving at one of the few waiters to fill his cup.
“I’m not giving you any so you can play hero and protect me, soldat,” I say while enjoying my coffee and pie.
“Come one, dude!” Darcy says. “Water can’t hurt you” in response to my hesitation of getting into the pool.
Sam told me that a good way to test the strength on may ankle without further injury was through hydrotherapy. And now I’m standing on the stairs of the pool, hesitating on taking the next steps into the pool. My wrist has healed faster than the ankle, so Sam just got me red and purple K-tape. Because the red ran out and purple was the only one left. Darcy mocked him for ten minutes.
“You say that sitting outside the pool!” Inhaling, Finally step into the nice, warm water.
Sam has been waiting patiently by the stairs. He grabs my hand and helps me stand up.
“You good?” He asks, concerned.
I nod. I know I can swim. My parents decided it was a necessary skill for survival, not like we’re expecting a second flooding, but nevertheless, it was a good summer activity. Enough time to learn the basics and not become an Olympic Swimmer.
The first ten to twenty minutes go without much trouble. He helps me walking short distances with something similar to a cane, timing holding my breathing under water, balancing things in one foot, exercising on my ankle and my heels.
By the thirtieth minute I’m so tired. But he has promised we just need fifteen more minutes for this session to go. Since my tape got wet, he’ll re-aply it later. And since I did really good on the first half of the session, he allowed me a small break.
Kate enters the pool. I see her talking amicably with Darcy. She then comes walking towards me.
“No flotties I see!” She’s munching on a chocolate muffin. She hands me a vanilla protein shake. “You need energy”
I take a few short sips. I don’t want to feel heavy for the last stretch. Sam comes back and tells me its time for the final exercise. He allows Kate to stay, going where Darcy is seated.
“Now, Y/L/N” he stands next to to me and points towards a bright orange flag mark in the middle of the pool. “I want you to walk towards the flag and come back”
“Easy piece” I start grabbing the support he gave me, but he takes it out of my reach.
“By yourself” I look at him. He’s serious. Crossing his arms, he nods. “Come one, you can, you’re ready”
I want to refuse, but up until now, the ankle hasn’t given me any trouble. And he’s the expert so. I breathe in.
And take a tentative step. The another. Whole feet planted. I reach the flag and turn around. Walking back feels easier now.
When I reach him, he nods, and then takes some ankle weights. I don’t notice when he goes under water, until I feel placing them on my ankle.
“Good. Do it again”
This time, it takes me a little longer, but I do it. One lap, two laps…ten laps.
He claps his hands. “There you go!”
I look at him. I just did ten laps. No pain, no bothering when walking. And even though I know I’m walking on water. Walking without help, any kind of support, feels amazing.
“Kate!!! Did you see?” I turn and look for her. She’s standing close the pool. Her smile is so bright.
“I did, bean!” I come closer, using my arms for support as I push myself up and leave the pool. I stand without any help.
I feel the water drip. I throw my arms at her neck, resting my forehead on her shoulder, like so many times before this.
“Sorry. I’m making you all wet” Her arms circle my waist. Her arms tighten around my body…. Before she releases me, almost jerking from the force of it.
Unshed tears reflected by the lights of the pool. Kate’s eyes drop to my lips for a micro second.
“You’re walking without support” She says, voice cracking a little
And something raw crosses her face.
Not longing.
Grief.
As if she has already seen a version of this story.
A single tear escapes the blue irises. I brush it with my thumb. Her eyes shimmer with something far bigger waiting behind them.
“You’re crying”
“Happy tears ba…bean” she slips on the nickname. My eyes still locked on hers.
Kate’s eyes have always been an open book… now, they’re choosing what I see.
Conflicted…she blinks… guarded.
Kate’s hands squeeze my hands. “I just need a moment.” She opens her mouth once.
Closes it.
I feel her hand shaking before she drops mine. Whatever she was about to say dies behind clenched teeth.
“I’ll wait for you outside okay?”
She doesn’t wait for a response.
And the emptiness on my stomach I feel as I watch her back retreat, is something I have come to dislike.
Back in Kate’s apartment I feel her distance. She’s mumbling the song playing on the speaker. I am sitting on the kitchen island watching cook while I cut some fruit.
“Did I do something?”
Kate stops stirring the pot. Turning the flame on low. She lets out a shaky breath. Checks the pot.
“No.” She turns the stove off. Turning towers me, her smile is sad. Fragile. The kind that looks borrowed rather than real.
“You keep doing everything right.” Her voice drops. “And somehow that keeps making everything harder.”
A ping on her phone lets her know someone is at the door.
“Wanda’s downstairs waiting for you” Kate turns around, busying herself with a nonexistent dish.
I want to tell her not to do this.
That Wanda can wait.
That whatever is breaking between us matters first.
I end up biting my tongue.
There’s a clenching on my stomach at the thought of that.
The speeding of my heartbeat has nothing to do with Wanda’s message telling me she arrived.
“Okay.” I hesitate. "You’ll text me if… if you need anything?” I hoover around for a bit.
Kate nods once. Too fast. Too sharp.
Her hand tightens around the wooden spoon so hard I think it might snap.
Slowly I stand up. The boot has come back, Sam telling me to use it from time to time. Gradually resign the amount of time I have it on.
“I’ll guess I see you tomorrow then.”
Kate turns around. For one terrifying second, she looks like she might ask me to stay. Her lips part. Nothing comes out.
She just nods.
“I found the girlfriend not attached to the hip waiting downstairs.” Yelena enters with my bag. Her usual smugness falters for half a second when she looks at Kate.
“Chop, chop Y/N YL/N” she claps and walks back to the door.
I feel dragged away from Kate.
Wanda made a delicious dinner that she barely touched.
She’s sick again. She cooked me, her favorite Sokovian dish. It made her throw up.
I ended up having dinner alone. I made her some ginger tea for the nausea. She slept most of the night, only waking up really early.
Her cellphone flashed. Text message from Jarvis. Really early. I decide no to indulge anymore for my own sake.
I observe my last text with Kate.
Tiny Human 😜 “Trashy TV Marathon tomorrow night?
”World's Okayest Archer 😜🤩 “Sure Y/N”
Not bean, not jellybean. Just my name. There’s a sinking feeling on my stomach. I start writing, I erase it. My thumbs hoover over the cellphone.
Wanda’s voice announcing she’s going grocery shopping distracts me. Since she took me to physiology therapy this morning, I’m a little tired and opted to stay at home.
I’m getting anxious. My mind won't stop racing, mulling over all these thoughts.
Rummaging through the medicine cabinets on the bathroom, I found the painkillers. All this thinking has made my head hurt.
“Funny. It doesn’t matter how much you run. The rain will always get you wet”
I turn around expecting to see her, but there’s no one.
I slowly walk back towards the bed. Wanda’s has a water bottle on her nightstand next to one of my books. After I introduce it her to the author, it became one of her favorites. Picking it up, something falls from it.
A thin glossy paper. Cool to the touch.
The image is a storm of charcoal shadows and pale static, the kind of picture that only makes sense once someone teaches your eyes where to look.
Outside, light rain starts to fall, barely perceptible, unless you have come sketchy of the rain.
At first it looks like static. Shadow and white noise trapped on the paper.
My eyes catch the information, printed on small letters at the bottom-
Patient: Wanda Maximoff.
Study: OB Ultrasound - Twin Gestation
Date: XX/XX/XXXX
Twin A Twin B
GA: 15w3d. GA: 15w2d
BPD: 31.5 mm. BPD: 30.8 mm
FL: 18.9 mm. FL: 18.2 mm
FHR: 152 bpm. FHR: 152 bpm.
That was… two weeks ago.
I might have forgotten 18 months of memories and of my life, but dates since I left the hospital have engrained into my brain. New memories as Dr. Banner and Carol called them.
Closing and opening my eyes I force myself to look at the image.
The storm cloud looking thing takes shape.
And the shape became life.
I feel nauseous. I run to the toilet emptying my poor attempt at lunch. My hand crumbles the image.
NO.
The babies. My mind corrects me.
Cleaning my mouth with paper, instant to brush my teeth. Leaving it at the counter. The crumbles on the paper laugh silently at me.
The rain has increased.
I feel the room starting to spin. Carol once told me to sit down and put my head between my knees could help if I ever felt dizzy.
I walk towards the bedroom, me steps feel heavier. I collapse into the floor, my back towards the mattress. Covering my head between my arms, supporting it between my legs.
The room spins, faster.
Outside a thunder falls near. The rumbling of the windows makes me jump.
The lights of a car reflect on the window. The storm increases.
The nausea hits me again. I swallow forcing anything down. The force of it leaving my throat raw.
Darkness.
Memories flow like polaroids.
Moments of my life I thought once forgotten are coming alive.
My first date with Wanda.
A soccer game in college.
Christmas Eve in a random hotel with my family.
Kate and I dancing the night away.
Wanda asking me to be her girlfriend.
Our first anniversary.
All the canceled plans.
The late night she claimed to have spent at her office.
The text messages.
The fights.
Doors slammed.
The pregnancy test.
Wanda saying I can explain?
An echo of a car crashing.
Kate’s bloodied hands.
Wanda’s silent cry.
“There you are” I hear say.
Lifting my eyes I see her crouched in front of me. Cold fingers touch my chin. A chill runs through my whole body.
“Te veo cariño”
A bigger thunder roars. Lightning fractures the room. For half a second, one side of her face is only bone beneath a smile.
I trip while trying to stand up.
The walls are closing on me. I need air.
Outside the rain keeps pouring. A pain on my ankle announces I probably got it swollen again, hurt again.
I feel the drops through my clothes. My hair plastered on my face.
I stop.
Breathing.
I finally let myself collapse on the stairs.
Rainwater runs down my face, mixing with tears I don’t remember starting.
My fingers curl into wet concrete.
Across the street I see her, standing in her old green dress. Black robe around her shoulders. The rain doesn’t touch her.
Everything suddenly makes sense.
I wish it didn’t.
I didn't see it on your page, but do you have an update schedule? Or maybe at rough draft of one? By the way, I really love your work!! Especially the Kate Bishop one!
Hello anon! Thank you so much! Is the first time I write for Kate so it means a lot you’re liking it!
I do have a schedule: https://www.tumblr.com/writing-in-lesbian/818355758862352384/matter-of-heart-upcoming-chapters
Which I’m trying hard to keep (work/life sometimes get in the way!) but yes, that’s the schedule :)
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader, Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader
Word count: 10k
Translation: detka = baby
A/N: second instalment of Act II. Told 90% from reader’s POV. 10% from Wanda's and Kate's POV to enrich the story and make some events make sense later on.
Y/N POV
My mouth opens before any other thought fully catches up.
“Kate…aximoff”
“Oh… that’s unfortunate,” she whispers in my ear again. There’s a cold sensation where I suppose she’s standing.
Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep
I try to force my eyes open again.
"...aby" // "Jelly...."
Blurryness before the light. I blink. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a black haired nurse in green pass by the hallway. She seemed familiar.
I feel softness under me. It’s not that comfortable. There's a blanket around me? It feels stiff.
I caught a glimpse of something white.
My body feels groggy. A cold sensation down my arm, as a frozen liquid runs through my veins. I want to scratch it.
I feel a hand stopping me from moving.
I breathe, and the air is icy. There's something on my nose. I breathe, but my side hurts.
Muffled voices start to become clearer.
“Look who decided to join us,” there's a new voice. Female, older. Kinda soft.
My eyes focus on the world around me. A room. A white room. I see my mom. Her eyes are looking at me like when I was a child, and I just told her the most ridiculous story.
At the foot of my bed, there's Kate in her favorite plaid shirt. And Wanda, wringing her hands.
The lights are too strong. I close them again a little bit.
A faster beep-beep-beep-beep sounds on my right. I open my eyes and turn to look at it. The black-haired nurse in green pajamas is here. There's something really familiar about her. She's inspecting the monitor as if it personally offended her.
"Easy there." The soft voice calls me on my left side. I blink, trying to keep the focus on my surroundings.
"Nice to see those eyes open," I keep trying to follow her, when I feel a shift at the end of my bed. My brother sits on the bed.
"I'm Carol, one of your nurses. I've been taking care of you today." She looks at the monitor and writes something down.
"Is she okay?" // How are you feeling, honey?" // Nice scare you gave us, sis." //You good?"
I can feel their eyes on me. I want to speak, but my throat feels so dry.
Carol, I think she said it was her name, adjusts my bed. The sudden change doesn't agree with my body. The room spins.
"Slow breaths. They'll help with the dizziness," Carol says.
A glass of water comes from someone. I sip it. The liquid helps with the dryness of my throat, but the metallic taste increases tenfold.
Carol ushers the people around me off my bed. I want to tell her no. I have no energy left. I close my eyes.
"Now, now, let me see those eyes again,"
When I open my eyes, she's in front of me. Her sandy hair is short and styled. Her blue eyes scan my face.
She then shines a light briefly and straight into my eyes. I hear myself grunt and close my eyes.
"I know. Everybody hates that part, but I need you to keep your pretty eyes open for me."
"Maybe if you didn't flash a light directly at her, she would." Is that Yelena?
Carol doesn't answer. I look at her. She shines the light again, and I try not to look away. I have a feeling this is my best option. She writes something down again.
"I feel like I fought a dinosaur and lost." Is that my voice? It sounds raspy and rough.
Kate chuckles. Wanda smiles sadly.
Cof. Cof. Cof.
When I grab the cup again, I notice an IV connected to my right wrist. The transparent tube is taped to my arm to keep it in place with white tape.
"Something like it, sunshine. Now," she grabs my right hand. "Can you squeeze my hand?"
I do. Or I think I do. I'm not sure if what my fingers did counts as one. Carol raises an eyebrow.
"Strong grip. I like that." She keeps writing.
My mother gets closer but stops when Carol turns to look at her.
"Can you tell me your name?"
"Y/N Y/L/N," I hear sighs around.
"Good. Do you know where you are?"
"Hospital?"
"Right." Carol writes more notes. Looks at the monitor.
The nurse in green sits in the chair. Odd. Carol closes her folder and turns to leave.
"Everybody needs to take a step outside. I'm going to get Dr. Banner, and we will need a couple of minutes. After that, you can come back in. Maybe two by two. Please. I know you've all been waiting, but let us do our work."
Somebody grunts. Probably my brother. I see my mom smile at me and leave. Wanda lingers there. I make eye contact with her. Her eyes avoid mine. Kate waves. I wave back. Or I attempt to.
Once they're all outside, I take a quick look around.
Beep-beep-beep-beep. The monitor speeds up a little. I breathe. There's the sensation that something happened to me. I feel a hollow in my stomach.
I close my eyes.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Beep-beep-beep-beep.
Breathe in.
Breathe out. Beep-beep-beep-beep.
"I was wondering which version of you would wake up corazón." THAT voice. I feel my heart speed up.
I open my eyes, and I see the nurse in green still sitting in one of the chairs. The doors are closed. She's eating something from an orange pill container. She looks oddly at calm. Her eyes are looking into me like I'm a quiz she's trying to solve.
"Are you allowed to eat those?"
Looking at the bottle, she reads the label... then tosses another pill into her mouth.
"Probably not"
"Figures," the ceiling offers a better view than her unsettling smile. I heard the door open again, and in comes Carol and a middle-aged man, glasses perched on his nose, scrunched like intimidated by Carol. I wait to see if they're going to say something to the nurse.
The chair is empty except for a folded blanket.
"Glad to see you awake, Miss Y/L/N. I'm Dr. Banner, and I'm your neurologist at the Stark Memorial Medical Center. I'm going to ask some questions, okay? If you can't speak, just nod or shake your head."
I nod.
He grabs a small light and shines it into my eyes. I squint but try to reopen my eyes. Just like with Carol.
"Good. Can you tell me your name?"
"Y/N Y/L/N"
"Good. Open your mouth, please." I want to throw up when he puts the wooden stick on my tongue. "I see a redness on your throat. She'll need some perioxidin 10ml, three times a day to help."
Carol writes the instructions. Dr. Banner keeps checking my throat. Finally, he puts his light aside and throws the stick.
"Do you know what day it is?"
I think. Nothing. I have a feeling it might be Tuesday? I love Tuesdays.
"I'm... not... sure"
"That's okay. I'm going to let your primary contact enter." Dr. Banner leaves the room. Carol stays, adjusting the IV bag. I hear the drops drip faster.
She comes closer, checks my left arm. A bandage is there.
"Okay, sunshine. Do you feel any pain?"
"Does my whole body count?"
"Look at you making jokes. Pain medication is scheduled to be given in an hour. Can you hold?"
"I feel dizzy". Carol stops and looks at me.
"You look a little pale. Let me grab you something for it. And I'll let your loved ones enter. I'll come back and finish my revisions, okay?"
"'Kay"
I hear the door close. A hospital room wasn't on my plans. I try to remember the day. My head hurts, and breathing is difficult. I breathe in and feel like a needle on my side. Breathing out is easier. Now I know why the air felt icy, as the tube on my nose helps as an indicator.
There's a knock on the door.
Carol comes without waiting for an answer; in her hands, there's a clear brown glass bottle. Using a needle, she draws the liquid from the bottle and injects it directly into the IV line.
"This will help," I just nod. "Your primary contact is on her way. Do you want me to let anyone else?"
Before I can answer, the door opens, and Wanda steps in. She hesitates at the door. Playing with the few rings on her hands, arms crossed in front of her stomach. I thought she had more rings. She looks at me, her eyes are a little puffy.
"Can her mom and Kate enter too?"
Carol looks at me and proceeds to nod. When I see them, Carol just tells them to give me space while she is still examining me. I see Kate enter, grabbing a chair, pushing it close to the bed, but not that close. My mom lingers around my right side, trying not to examine the monitor.
Wanda is the one who comes closer to the bed. I make a motion to grab her hand. She plays with my fingers but doesn't hold my hand.
I feel Carol's hand on my rib. "Breathe," I do as told. It hurts. I flinch.
"I'm going to lift your robe. Can you turn a little?" I try, and I'm reminded of the dinosaur fight I had. I yelp.
"Jellybean!" Kate immediately stands up. Wanda gets closer.
"I got you," Carol's voice says, and her hands support my upper body. I feel her fingers probing my body very gently. Still, hard enough it hurts. "Your ribs took a pretty good hit. Nothing's broken, but they're going to be sore for a while.”
She writes something down for the tenth time. Look at the IV bag, the monitor, and then at me. She fixes my sheets. "I'll bring you an ice pack in a bit. It'll help with the swelling. Don't go anywhere." She winks before leaving.
There's a silence after Carol leaves. I don't like it.
"How are you, sweetheart?" My mom gets closer. She kisses me on the forehead. Grabbing my hand, being careful of the IV needle.
"I lost against a dinosaur. My whole body hurts."
"I'm just glad you're okay." She caresses my head. I can feel her eyes on my body. I close my eyes, letting her touch anchor me. She then proceeds to fix my pillow. I smile.
"How does it look?" I ask with my eyes still closed.
"How does it look like what, honey?" The gentle touch of my mom's hand on my hair is lulling me into sleep. I open my eyes again. I don't want to go back to the darkness.
"The dinosaur."
Kate laughs. Wanda sighs.
I reach for Wanda.
"Hey, gorgeous." There's a hint of recognition in her eyes, and a tear rolls down her cheek. She gets closer this time, not taking my hand but caressing my fingers. Her touch is tentative.
I look towards Kate, crouched on the chair, leg bouncing. Signature black boots, moving slightly.
"You gave it a black eye," Kate says, biting her nails. My shoulders relax.
"Good," My head feels heavy. Probably the medicine Carol put on the IV. I don't want to sleep.
"You should rest," my mom says. I feel the space on my bed as soon as she takes a step back. "We'll be outside when you wake."
"Mkay, mom."
I see her waving at Wanda and Kate before leaving the room.
"Your mom's right, Y/N," Wanda says, and this time it's her hand that's stroking my hair, tender. Her touch feels familiar, instinctive even, but somehow distant. Something in me hesitates, barely leans away. But she feels it.
My eyes drift toward Kate. She's sitting farther away than I expected.
"Why are you so far away?" Kate perks up.
"Who? me? Oh well, you might not see it bean, but there are a couple of cables attached to you, and I really don't want to unplug anything." I laugh, but then I am reminded of my Rocky Balboa moment and grab my ribs, letting go of Wanda's hand.
"Easy there, detka." Wanda's hands gently guide me back to the bed. My forehead scrunches before I can stop it.
"What did you call me?" I grab her hand. Her thumb traces my hand. Wanda looks at me, tilting her head to the side. She opens her mouth, closes it again.
There's a knock on the door, followed by Carol entering. She has some white ice packages around a blue towel. Without saying anything, she goes straight to my bed.
"I'm going to let this one here. Apply it for a few minutes, as long as you can stand it. Once the cold becomes unbearable, remove it and rest for a few minutes. Then apply it again." She instructs the occupants of my room.
"Now, Miss. Maximoff, I need some signatures on some paperwork. Can you come with me?" Wanda nods. Carol goes out.
Before she leaves, and before she lets go of my hand, I grip it tighter, making her turn to look at me. Her eyes silently ask me why I’m preventing her from leaving.
"I guess we're going to miss the play tonight?"
"The play?" she knits her brows. There's her famous tilting.
"Water for elephants? We finally got the tickets," I say, remembering it was a pain since it was sold out for weeks.
"Y/N..."
Kate stands up, coming closer, taking the ice packs Carol left. She inspects them before applying them carefully to my side. The action is tender in nature, but there's something else I cannot decipher.
"No worries about it, right, Wanda? Let's get you out of here first."
"Right. I should go see Nurse Carol." Wanda leaves the room, leaving me with Kate.
I get the feeling I'm missing something. The medication is taking effect. I feel my eyes drifting to sleep. Kate's hands apply a small pressure on my ribs.
Before I'm taken into dreamland again, I feel a ghost of lips on my forehead.
The scent of coffee and rain lingers behind it.
WANDA'S POV
The paperwork takes forty-three minutes.
I know because I counted them.
By minute five, I'm still confirming Y/N's address.
By minute twelve, I stop reading the forms.
By minute twenty, I stop pretending to.
By minute forty-three, all I can think about is:
Water for Elephants closed eighteen months ago.
"Neurological responsiveness", I heard Dr. Banner say in passing, as Carol and a male resident walked with him. “She's following stimulation and shows emerging consciousness.”
I look up, but he's already gone.
Y/N POV
When I wake up again, it's due to the scent of fresh forest and flowers. My eyes scan the room slowly. I feel more awake than... well, the last time I opened my eyes. Now, if this little nagging pain in my head could go.
There are a couple of flowers on a table near the window. I see some yellow and pink gerbera daisies. Next to them, a single sunflower with a note, a couple of red and pink roses. There's an otter plushie holding a cup of coffee. And a "Get well soon" balloon tied to it. At the end, a bouquet of white and pink lilies and a small raccoon holding a gun? I almost missed the envelope next to it.
"Hi honey, how are you feeling?" Mom closes her book and comes to me. She grabs my hand.
"Tired"
"Dr. Banner said it's normal," she fixes my pillow again. Adjusting my sheets. Like she's tucking me into bed. It feels nice being taken care of.
"Your coworker Natasha came by during lunch with the otter plushie. Don't fret, she said, not to worry about work. Mr. Rogers sent the roses, your team sent the lilies." My mom grabs the card from the gerbera, the sunflower, and the envelope. She gives them to me. The card reads from: Yelena, Scott, and Peter.
"Katie brought the gerberas, told me to tell you she'll come back as soon as she can. She only left because Yelena practically carried her out." I smile. I can totally picture Yelena dragging Kate. I wouldn't be surprised if she carried her out like a sack of potatoes.
"What time is it?" I don't know if it would make a difference, but I want to know at least the time I'm living.
Looking at her watch, my mom informs me it's 5:32 p.m. Should I ask the day?
"Wanda wanted to stay too, but I sent her downstairs to eat something."
There's a knock on the door, and a male nurse enters my room. He has a chart in his hands. As he gets closer to the monitor, he starts writing things down.
"Hi there, sunshine! I'm Donald, last name Blake! I'm your nurse for the day." For a male nurse, he's kind of muscular. I see getting the small light again. What's with all the eye inspection?
"Now, please can you follow my finger?" I do as told. At least he hasn't flashed anything in my eyes. "Good. Open up, please?" Another throat examination.
"Have you had any nausea?" I shake my head no. "Are you hungry?" At the mere thought of food, I feel a wave of discomfort in my stomach. I guess it's visible since Donald makes a uh sound.
"Would you like some ice chips then? If it were up to me, I would bring you some Poptarts, but I don't think your stomach would agree on them." I nod, not trusting my voice and my current feeling.
"Be right back then," He leaves shortly after that, not without waving back at my mom.
There's a chair being dragged when I open my eyes. At what moment did I drift to sleep? Based on the bright light above me, I guess it's nighttime.
My head is pounding. There's a noise coming from the chair. I look to the side, and I see the black-haired nurse sitting there again. Her scrubs are a different shade of green, less vivid but wrinkled. She's opening a pudding cup. A vanilla one.
The room feels smaller somehow. There are small drips of water on the flowers. Who watered the flowers? The tube on my nose is itching. It makes me want to sneeze.
"It would hurt if you do it."
Achoo.
Fuck, my ribs disagree violently.
"Told you!"
"Tha's ma pudding?" because how do you answer an "I told you so" when that's the last thing you want to hear?
She looks at the cup, looks at me, scans the room, and laughs.
"Ain't a meal tray for you here."
"Oh, you're awake," I hear Wanda's voice coming from the ensuite bathroom door. A second later, she steps out, wiping her mouth with a towel. I turn to look at her. And God. I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach... but why is it followed by an emptiness? Like my stomach wants to patch a hole that's not there?.
She pauses for a second as if gathering herself before smiling
"She's eating my pudding," I signal to the chair.
Empty.
Right next to my bed.
I hear a laugh in the hall.
"What pudding, Detka?" Wanda comes closer. Sitting next to the bed, where the chair is. She grabs my hand and caresses the back of my hand. I feel her kiss it.
"You keep calling me that," I close my eyes. My breath evens out. I feel in and out of the world.
I barely catch her whispering, it means baby. I don't smile.
KATE'S POV
The kettle's sound brings me back to the present. Yelena was right. A bath would help. As I pour water into my cup, I think about your comment about the missed play.
Water for Elephants closed eighteen months ago.
And even though I watched it with my mother rather than with you... We obsessed together over the soundtrack.
The coffee tastes burnt. I don't remember making it.
An alarm tells me visiting hours are about to begin again. I should bring coffee to Nurse Carol for allowing me to stay past that time.
Y/N POV
"Can I have more ice chips, please?" My mouth says before opening my eyes. My throat doesn't hurt as much, but I need something fresh.
"Of course! You want nuggets, crushed, cubes, spheres, flakes?" Carol's voice informs me. I didn't know there were varieties of ice chips.
"Flakes?"
"I'll bring them over. Here, drink water first." She hands me a small plastic cup. I take a tentative sip. It feels like glory. "All your visitors are somewhere around. I ask them to give me some minutes to do my check-ups."
"No coughing? Can you swallow okay?" I shake my head when she asks about coughing. Swallowing doesn't hurt anymore. Guess the strange red liquid they have been giving me has helped with it.
"It's 10 a.m. Breakfast was served an hour ago, sleeping beauty, but let me see if I can bring you something soft. I bet you're starting to get hungry." The thought of food doesn't bring me too much joy, but I'll trust her.
"Can I have vanilla pudding?" Carol stops before leaving the room. Kate walking in almost knocks her over.
"We serve those for dinner. You're not getting princess treatment yet," she acknowledges Kate by nodding.
Kate enters the room, leaving her purple hoodie and bag on the small couch next to the table. She's going to sit there, but second-guesses and engulfs me in an awkward side hug. A foresty fresh scent.
"You smell nice. Is that a new perfume?" I ask, grabbing her arm, sniffing her wrist. I kinda love the smell.
"What? No jellybean, you gave it to me last Christmas." I only see her back. She walks back to the couch. Knitting my brows, trying to recall it. Kate's smile falters for half a second before she looks away. Her eyes become distant, like when she's trying to calculate something.
At that moment, Wanda and my mom enter the room. They greet her like war brothers or something. I actually feel left out.
Dr. Banner knocks on the open door. He hesitates before entering, taking notice of all the people here.
"Morning, Miss. Y/L/N. I heard Nurse Danvers will bring you something to eat." He opened his charts. Glasses come out of his pocket, and he cleans them before putting them on. "Miss. Maximoff, I have some medical updates. Would you like them here for the update?"
"Absolutely, yes, please." Wanda sits next to me on the bed, carefully taking my hand. I look at her. Her red hair is loose. I always like it when she leaves it like that.
"Okay, well, first of all, Miss Y/L/N CT looks stable, meaning the swelling in her brain is decreasing. Obviously, there was no need for surgery. Her left wrist is sprained, along with her right ankle, and she has a couple of bruised ribs."
"So I lost against a dinosaur and A truck?" I question because now that's a lot of things happening.
"The dinosaur remains under investigation," Kate says from the couch. She smiles at me. I know her. That smile doesn't fully reach her eyes.
I heard Wanda gasp next to me. When I look at her, I see tears forming.
"Hey." I try to get her attention back to me. "I'm okay. I'm alive." She fondly smiles at me. I feel pecking my lips, but she's standing up before I can really react.
"Let's do a quick assessment of how you're doing today." He takes out the infamous light. Shines into my eyes. I don't flinch. "Can you follow my finger?" I do as told.
"I'm going to ask some questions."
He asks my name. Y/N Y/L/N
He asks where I am. At the hospital.
He asks about the day. I'm still not sure.
He asks about the people in the room. My mom, Kate, my best friend since forever, and Wanda, my girlfriend.
He asks about how long Wanda and I have been together.
"Six months," I say proudly.
Three gasps can be heard.
Dr. Banner knits his brows, writing something down, observing them. Then at me.
Carol enters with a food tray in her hands. She stops a little but keeps walking. Pushing the small wheeled table towards me and placing the tray on it.
"I was able to bring you some jello, salted crackers, grape juice, and applesauce. Sorry about the pudding, pudding." Carol nods at Dr. Banner before leaving again.
I look at my delicious hospital food. Wanda helps me into a more comfortable position. She tentatively lifts the lid of the tray.
"All your favorites, detka," I smirk. There's a hint of restrain on her voice. Sadness maybe?
"Now, can you tell me where do you live?"
"188 Park Avenue, Suite 37," I told the doctor while I munched on my salty crackers.
"That's-" my mom stops herself.
Dr. Banner turns to look at her,
"Dr. Banner... I don't know if this helps. She mentioned missing Water for Elephants," Wanda says, trying to whisper. He looks at her.
"What about it?"
"It closed eighteen months ago," Kate adds. Wait, what?
I stop munching. Did I hear that right? The play closed?. The lights are starting to hurt my eyes. I flinch.
My mom sits in the vacant spot Kate left. Kate's foot bounces. I know she's anxious. Wanda caresses my hair. I lean into her touch. I'm not sure whether to comfort her or show support.
"Right. Let's continue."
He asks my age. I answer, but not that confidently.
He asks about my job. At Roger's & Carter's Corporation.
He asks if I remember the accident. No.
He asks if I remember moving apartments? I never moved.
Someone chuckles. Or sniffles. I'm not sure.
I look at Wanda.
Then at Kate.
Then at my mom.
Nobody corrects the doctor.
Nobody tells me this is some weird misunderstanding.
Dr. Banner keeps writing. He walks to the monitor, takes some notes, and checks my IV fluids. He asks before reviewing my ribs. They still hurt. My ankle and wrist come next. More writing, more revisions. Finally, he takes off his glasses and closes the chart.
"I'd like to review your file and imaging in more detail. I'll be back in a few minutes." He leaves the room.
I feel like I failed something. I got nauseous. Carol told me once there was a button on my bed if I needed something.
I press it.
"Honey?" My mom, ever the perceptive gets closer. I shake my head.
"I wanna throw up."
Carol enters at that moment. Having heard what I say, she turns and comes back with a crystal brown bottle. Applying it to my IV, she puts her hand on my forehead.
"You okay?" I mouth no. "Too much information?" I nod. "Salty crackers might help. Here. Drink your juice. I'm bringing you more chips. Are flakes okay?"
"I'll have it crushed if you can."
"I'm the Captain of the nurses. Of course I can, pudding." Carol adjusts my sheets, being really careful with my ankle.
"Bean?" // "Detka?"
"No. I don't feel good. I wanna throw up."
"Medicine should help you with it."
"Can someone lift my bed a little more?" My mom steps before Wanda or Kate can move. She presses the button. The bed moves slowly.
Breathe in. Fuck! My ribs disagree.
Breathe out. Easier.
I close my eyes. Breathing slowly so as not to be in so much pain. Where are the ice packs Carol left for my ribs?
The room gets quiet. Someone rearranges the sheet over my legs. The nausea eases enough for me to think again.
When I open my eyes, the sunlight has shifted across the floor. I scan the room. My head doesn't try to kill me anymore. I don't see my mom.
Kate's half asleep on the couch. It doesn't look comfortable if her leg is bending in that way. Wanda's looking at her cellphone. Her brows are furrowing, and she bites her nails. Nervous.
"Wands?" I whisper loud enough for her to listen, but not to wake up Kate.
Wanda jumps a little. I didn't mean to scare her. Putting her cellphone back in her pocket, she comes closer. Grabbing my hand, she sits on the chair next to my bed. Her thumb caresses my hand. She doesn't say a word. I look at her eyes. There are bags under, she probably hasn't slept much. She's been crying as well. She looks at me. She's sad.
"My mom?" I still whisper.
"She went home. Say she would be back later tonight to change us, Kate and me."
I nod. Because what else is there to say? Another night at the hospital.
Kate shifts on the couch. Grunting, she sits, her back cracked probably from the minutes she spent in that awkward position. She sits, stretching her arms. She finally makes eye contact with me.
"Shine and rise, Katniss," she perks up. Her eyes shine, and there's that signature smile. She comes closer.
Wanda makes a move to stand up, but my grip tightens. She stays. Kate comes to the other side. I pat the side of the bed instead.
"No bean, there's still tubes and cables, and I don't wanna be held responsible if I sit on your IV and make you blee-" She stops herself. Furrowing her brows. She shakes her head, but sits at the end of the bed. Away from any potential damage. She cracks her knuckles. Once. Then again. Kate only does that when she's nervous.
"What time is it?" Surprisingly, I'm starting to get hungry.
Kate takes a look at her cellphone. Wanda is the one answering.
"It's 7:13 p.m."
"Carol left another food tray for you. Since you missed lunch."
"Is there pudding?"
"A vanilla one," Kate holds the cup. She handed it to me open. I see her licking the lid. "For a hospital, ain't that bad. They got the good brand."
Wanda's phone vibrates. Again. And again. And again. She takes a look at it. Puts it back in her pocket. The cellphone vibrates differently. Incoming call.
"You should answer it. It seems important," I told her while licking the cup. It's hard to have cutlery at the moment. It is, in fact, the good kind.
"You're more important," she tells me, but still looks at her phone.
Carol enters the suite. She navigates the room, doing her usual check-up at the monitors, my wrist, my ankle. She chuckles at my poor attempt at eating.
"I think someone can help you."
"I can manage," I say while I lick my cup. Kate comes back with a spoon. Takes a dip. And eats it.
"Rude!" she smiles. Wanda laughs.
"You said you could manage it."
"Can I come in?" Dr. Banner's voice sounds from the door. Someone nods as he enters.
"Miss Y/L/N? Do you have a few minutes?" I can only nod. Letting aside my pudding cup, I sit straighter on the bed.
He takes off his glasses, cleans them, and puts them back on. He opened his chart, passing some sheets, probably looking for a specific one. He clears his throat.
"Based on your imaging, neurological exam, and memory testing… We believe the injury has affected your ability to access certain memories."
"What does that mean?" Kate asks. She's perched on my bed. Her hand has come to rest on my good leg. I can feel her fingers tightening.
"This is consistent with retrograde amnesia."
"Certain memories?" I ask, trying to comprehend the meaning. Not really paying attention to the medical term.
"The pattern appears to involve memories formed within approximately the last two years. Based on what we gather, more or less," He's looking at his folder.
"Would she get them back?" Wanda stops caressing my hand, her grip falters.
"We don't know it yet. Memory recovery after a brain injury is difficult to predict. Some patients recover memories gradually". He finally closes the chart. He looks directly at me.
"Some receive them in fragments. Some memories return when they're exposed to familiar places, people, or routines."
Carol fusses with my pillow before leaving the room. I notice it's actually softer.
"Right now we don't know whether those memories were lost or whether your brain is having difficulty accessing them."
"There's a difference in it?"
"Yes. One is a book missing from the library. The other is a locked door.
Dr. Banner gathers his things. He approaches the door.
"Unfortunately, we don't always know which one we're dealing with."
He leaves the room.
There's a silence so thick I'm afraid to even breathe. I close my eyes. And even if breathing hurts, I breathe in, breathe out. Thousands of needles remind me that this is real.
The air feels colder somehow. A nagging sensation on the back of my head. Migraine definitely. I feel dizzy.
Carol comes back with ice chips. Crushed. She gives me the cup. Checks my IV. I see her adding another pain medicine into the IV. She gets closer to the monitor I have come to love and hate. Checks the vitals, writes them down.
She then turns to face Wanda and Kate
"I know what Dr. Banner said was difficult to process. But I don't want anyone trying to force memories." Carol explains as if she has done exactly this many times. "Answer her questions. Correct factual inaccuracies when necessary. But don't pressure her to remember. That can create frustration and stress."
The last thing makes me feel helpless and relieved at the same time. Carol leaves, not without saying she'll bring me dinner and my medications at 9 pm. I'm not hungry.
I take a look at Wanda. Her eyes are lost in the distance. Kate stood up, hand still on my knee. Her other hand plays with her own fingers. Neither of them has said anything.
Wanda's phone vibrates again.
I suddenly realize something.
They said Water for Elephants closed eighteen months ago.
We got the tickets. We saw the play.
I don't remember it.
I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I dry it with my "good" hand, and Kate notices it. Doesn't comment on it. I love her for that. I finally ask what has been on my mind since Dr. Banner's first test.
"What day is it?"
"Monday. You've been here for almost a week," Kate looks at me, her smile falters when she told me the number of days I've been at Stark memorial.
Almost a week. Water for Elephants closed eighteen months ago.
Almost a week feels like swimming on a kiddie pool.
Eighteen months feels like drowning in an ocean.
There's a hallway ahead of me. Closed doors on both sides. It's dark. I see a light twinkling above a door, ten steps ahead of me. I'm about to grab the handle but the hallway stretches, taking the door out of my reach.
"Jellybean," Kate whispers, and I run towards her.
"Detka," Wanda's voice calls me, screaming. I stop.
The hallway spins. I try to run out of it. I know I'm running forward, but everything around me is moving backward.
"That's not how roads work, cariño"
I hear her behind. I risk a look. The dark-haired nurse is at the other end of the hallway, in green, vivid scrubs, holding a stop traffic sign.
Smiling.
A flash of light shines into her face, and there's a glimpse of bone on one of her cheeks. The eyes pierce my soul.
I open my eyes. I see my mother slept on the couch. A blanket is over here. I let a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"You're still trying to go backwards, I see."
I see her standing right next to my monitor. Casually eating a pudding cup, adding pills from another orange container. I open my mouth...
"Ah ah ah," she shakes a thin finger in front of me, "You can call me honey if you want," She keeps eating. Her hand gently strokes the monitor screen, where my heartbeat is visible. A strong, steady beat.
“You're the first I've met trying to find old time." She tosses another pill into her mouth. "You can wake up now.”
There's light in the room. The sun has come out, shining through the thin curtain. My mother is no longer on the couch, and the blanket is folded neatly. I hear sounds coming from the ensuite bathroom. Kate comes out of it.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," she says so casually. Her hair is loose, looks a little wet, revealing small waves. I smile before knowing I'm doing it. It frames her face perfectly. I frown.
"Ugh. Not you too"
"Sorry, but that's all you've done." Kate sits on my bed, carefully avoiding any kind of tube, bandage, or parts of my body she could squeeze. "I think you earned it... But I still prefer jellybean."
"Uh... is there still pudding?" Kate looks at me quizically. One eyebrow rising so high it could leave her face. She smirks after it.
"No, Donald said they were out of them, but he left you a food tray. I took the job of going through it and checking. I sneaked some poptarts and a chocolate milk though."
"No coffee?"
"Of course you'll want coffee." She laughs. Fully laughs. My stomach does a weird flip. "Stupid question but... how're you feeling?"
“That’s a loaded question, Bishop”
“Entertain me,” she says while taking out a package of Blueberry and another of Brown Sugar Cinnamon poptarts. I point to the blueberry ones.
Kate opens the package and offers me one.
“My head keeps pounding. Breathing hurts, my mind is mushy, and someone keeps stealing my puddings.” I munch on my poptart. The sweetest thing I tasted in the last few days. I’m not sure I’m allowed this amount of sugar.
“I’m sorry, Bean.” Kate scoots closer to me. Her hand rests on my thigh. Her thumb caresses it absentmindedly. I feel my body loosen a little.
Wanda comes into the room. A file in her hands. She closes it and puts it next to her purse. She gets closer to my bed. Pecks my lips.
I feel the absence of Kate’s hand on my thigh.
“Hi, gorgeous,” I say, and notice the bags under Wanda’s eyes are bigger than the last time I saw her. She also looks a little pale. “Are you okay?”
She chuckles, eyes shining with tears not shed.
“I should be the one asking you that,” I feel her fingers through my hair. I’m starting to relax. Her cellphone rings. I tense up. She sends the call to voicemail.
“I’m okay now, my two favorite girls are here.” Wanda pauses her ministrations. Kate stops midway to the couch.
Both look at me funny.
What?
Dr. Banner chooses that moment to enter. He eyes my poptart but doesn’t comment on anything. He comes closer to the bed.
“Your scans have remained stable. Your neurological exams have been consistent, and you’re forming new memories appropriately.”
“At least”
“The memory loss is something we’re going to monitor over time. Unfortunately, there isn’t a procedure or medication that restores those memories. That doesn’t mean they won’t return.”
He opens a small folder and writes something down.
“It’s that it?” Wanda says, she continues caressing my hair.
“No. Neurologically, she’s stable. The memory loss is something we’ll continue to monitor, but there’s no additional treatment I can offer her here.”
He rips the piece of paper. Donald enters, grabs it, takes Kate’s other package of poptarts, and leaves.
“I know discharge can feel sudden. But medically, she’s ready.”
Kate sits on the couch, arms resting on her knees.
“Carol will review medications and restrictions. Donald will make sure you have your follow-up appointments and contact information.” Dr. Banner smiles at me then. It’s kind of awkward. He proceeds to leave.
“Well… at least I’m going to finally eat proper food”
“Maybe we should start cleaning?” Wanda stands up and starts gathering things. Some flowers are a little down already. Those are put aside. She grabs the plushies, the balloon, and letters, and puts them in a recyclable bag she carries in her bag.
Carol appears at the door. Asks for Wanda as my principal emergency contact; she needs to sign the last of the paperwork.
Wanda goes out, taking with her the folder she brought earlier.
Wait…
At that moment, Donald comes in.
“Big day today, princess!” He has a metallic tray in his hands. Some scissors, cotton, bandages, and alcohol were placed there. He carefully closes the small lid on the IV bag, lifts my arm, and inspects my hand.
“Kate?” She stands and comes closer to me.
“What’s up, bean?”
“Weren’t you my Emergency Contact?”
Her eyes look at me, blue irises scanning my face. A little bit of a visible smile.
“You updated it after you and Wanda’s first anniversary”
“Right,” I focus instead on the cold sensation of the alcohol Donald is applying to my hand.
What else has changed?
He carefully takes out the tapes, applying the alcohol with the cotton when necessary. Finally, he asks me to inhale while he takes out the needle. He puts a cute bandage on it.
“No blood! I’m getting better at it!”
He then comes next to my chest. Takes out the electrodes monitoring my heart. The monitor sounds flat. He turns it off.
“Now, I’m going to take this out, and you’ll be able to finally breathe free”
“Bruised ribs, Donald,” Kate tells him. They seem pretty friendly. Back off, Donald!
Donald slips the tubing from behind my ears. The room feels cooler immediately.
I immediately rub my nose. “That’s been bothering me for days.”
“You’ve been asleep for most of them.” Kate reminds me of her beautiful, oh so sarcastic smile plastered on her face.
“Still counts.” The constant itch I’d been ignoring disappears, leaving only cool air against my skin. My ears feel sore.
I feel Kate’s eyes on me. I look up to see her scanning me, observing me. I suddenly feel exposed.
“I’m okay Katniss”
“I know. Just… making sure Donald didn’t accidentally give you another bruise”
“I would never!” He finished inspecting my arm, my nose, and my ribs. Everything he can do before releasing. “I think you’re all set up to change out of these horrible hospital clothes.”
“Are you saying I don’t look good on them?” I feel lighter without all of these things attached to me. I try to sit by myself.
“You look good in everything, Detka,” Wanda says from the door. She’s followed by Carol.
“I see Donald has already finished with you.” Carol comes to the bed, pushes the slippers on the small stool next to the bed. “I believe they have clothes for you. Get changed, and I’ll come back with the last details and instructions, pudding”
Carol and Donald leave the room.
Now changing is another thing. Wanda takes out a small bag from one of the cabinets, a shirt, a pair of shorts, a zipper hoodie, and underwear.
The clothes are unfamiliar. Are they hers? She then takes out a smashed cellphone, the screen is cracked. The cover looks like it saw better days.
“I brought the comfiest clothes you have, darling”
So they’re mine.
“I’ll wait outside,” Kate says and goes out of the room. Faster before I can stop her.
“Turn around as much as you can,” Wanda instructs me. I feel her hands untying my robe, fingers brushing my back. Her hand takes off the robe from my shoulders. She circles the bed, stands in front of me. “Careful,” she helps me get out of the robe. I hear her gasp when the robe falls on my lap. I look down and see a purple bruise stretching from beneath my left breast across my ribs, disappearing around my side.
“No wonder it hurts,” I say to defuse the tension I felt. Wanda’s hand touches the bruise, a feathery touch along the bruise. Tracing it. She stops right on my breast. She moves her hand towards the center of my chest. My heartbeat beats faster. I’m sure she feels it based on how her hand falters.
“Lift your arm,” Wanda helps me take off my t-shirt, kinda hard with the wrist brace. The zipper hoodie is faster. “Now for the short,” she lifts my right leg. Now for the left one…
Right. I forgot about the boot. Apparently has been there the whole time. Wanda switches techniques, and somehow it fits.
“All done,” she helps me sit back on the bed. Fuck! I'm exhausted.
“Are you okay?” Wanda hoovers
“I just… I need a minute, slow breaths. Trying to get my breath back.
At that exact moment, Kate comes back, followed by Carol pushing a wheelchair.
“Your chariot awaits,” Kate says and comes closer, offering her hand.
“Such… a gentle…woman,” I say, short on breathe.
Kate doesn’t comment, doesn’t take her hand away. She just waits patiently.
Carol then grabs the folder she has under her arm.
“Okay, sleeping beauty. I already gave your primary Emergency Contact the boring paperwork. Now, listen carefully: No driving until neurology clears you. No alcohol”
“Boring!” Carol side eyes me. But continues.
“Avoid strenuous activity. Take medications as prescribed. The instructions are on this nice goody bag you’ll have”
“I get tired trying to dress, how would I do any strenuous activity?”
“Monitor for worsening headaches.” Carol ignores me. “Call immediately if you experience vomiting, new confusion, vision changes, or seizures”
“Well, now that’s a bit extreme”
Kate and Wanda help me slow walk to the chair. Kate gets behind the wheelchair. Wanda starts grabbing my plushies, the few flowers left in good shape. The bag with my things.
“Now, given the memory impairment, we don’t recommend independent living at this time.”
I motion for Wanda to give me something to carry. She places the plushies on my lap.
“Meaning?”
“You need a babysitter pudding. Where are you staying or who’s taking you home?” Carol asks.
Wanda stops and looks at Kate.
“My apartment is big enough for someone to stay if that’s the issue”
Kate places a hand on my shoulder.
“Bean”
“You didn’t renew your lease when we moved into my apartment,” Wanda says, she searches my eyes.
I’m the one avoiding her eyes now. I look towards Kate, but she’s looking at the floor.
“Of course,” The words leave my mouth automatically.
A sharp ache blooms behind my left eye.
Of course. Because I don’t have an apartment anymore. Because apparently I haven’t had one for a while.
“Maybe… you can stay with me?” Kate says, voice low, fingers playing with my hair.
“Remember not to stress her out too much,” Carol casually says. I see her dropping something else on my medicine bag. She places it on my lap as well. I can see there’s a vanilla pudding there. So they still have those.
“Perhaps… for now it would be the best,” Wanda says. She waits for my reaction.
I just play with the bag.
“What do you say, bean? Sleep party like our college days!” Kate starts pushing the wheelchair outside the room.
“At least I remember those,” I hold my plushies as if they’re some kind of guardians.
I feel a hand on my shoulder that wakes me up. I groggily lift my head from the window.
“We’re here, bean.” Kate leaves the car and goes immediately to my side. Opening the door, she unbuckles my seatbelt. “Stay here.”
She goes to the trunk, and that’s when I see Wanda leaving the backseat. She carries the folders, the plushies, the flower, and the bag.
Kate comes out and hands me a pair of crutches.
“I can walk perfectly fine,” I say, trying to get out of the car first.
“I’m sure you can. Entertain us then.” Kate steps back and watches, amused by my losing battle with the boot, the angle I need to shift, and standing up.
“Use the crutches, detka. It will make your life easier,” I look up to see Wanda smirking.
Maybe for this time. I signal Kate to give them to me. She helps me stand up. I adjust my weight. Kate’s hands are on my waist, and I notice how close she is to me if I can smell her laundry soap on her clothes. I look at her face. Is that a new piercing in her ear?
Once I’m standing without balancing, Kate steps out, her hand in front of me just for precaution. Wanda comes next to me. I smell her flowery perfume. There’s a faint memory of it from our first date. She walks alongside me.
I know Kate’s apartment number.
I know the hall like the back of my hand.
I could recognize the doormat anywhere.
I don’t recognize the living room. There’s a bookshelf where she had the couch and a plant. The plant is nowhere in sight. The couch has been moved in front of the massive TV.
“Finally, Kate Bishop. I was worried… oh, here’s the patient. I see the girlfriend is still attached to the hip,” Yelena says casually from the kitchen table.
“What… are you…doing here”? I wobble to the couch. Sitting, leaving the crutches next to me.
“I live here now.” There’s a weird sensation in my stomach hearing those words.
“No, you don’t?”
“No, she doesn’t,” Kate says, bringing me a cup of water. “Drink this.”
Wanda walks past me, probably to the guest room in Kate’s apartment. Should I say my room now?
Yelena gasps dramatically, “Is this how you treat your guests? After all the time I spent cooking my famous Mac&Cheese for your lov-“ Kate hands stop Yelena from saying whatever she was going to say.
“Iuuuu.” Kate drops her hand. “You licked me!”
“Don’t do that again, then,” Yelena goes back to the kitchen at the same time Wanda comes back. She sits closer to me, grabbing my good hand.
“Yelena, can you help me set up Y/N’s room?” Kate balances on her toes. I look at Yelena, furrowing her brows.
“What? I’m not helping again to-”
“Yelena…!!” Kate half screams, half whispers, making Yelena walk towards the room, whispering Russian words. I bet she’s cursing at Kate or us.
I keep looking at the hall where they went until Wanda catches my attention by grabbing my leg. I look at her.
The sun shines on Kate’s apartment, giving it an aspect that I have always loved. The lights reflect on Wanda’s hair. It almost looks like she’s glowing.
“Detka, I have to go now. I need to go home and bring you clothes.” Home. I built a home with Wanda, one that I don’t have a recoil of doing. My smile drops. Wanda noticed if her thumb caressing my leg is an indication.
“Kate said she has some spare clothes you can use, but I’ll bring your clothes, underwear, toiletries, and some other things, okay?” I just nod.
She closes the distance very carefully, and I feel her lips on mine. I reciprocate her kiss, but even without my injuries, Wanda feels distant. I’m the one pulling away first.
I saw her grab her purse. Walking towards the door.
“Wands?” She turns to look at me. I’m starting to dislike the worry and sadness I see on my favourite shade of green.
I want to ask her about a million things.
I want to know what our apartment looks like.
How did she think the best thing for me was to stay at Kate’s?
Why do I feel like she’s not choosing me?
“Don’t take too long,” Wanda gives me a tiny smile.
The door closes.
There's rain falling against the window. The sound is like a melody written a long time ago. I walk among several bookshelves. Books from ceiling to floor. Entire rows of them. Titles I don't recognize. Titles that look familiar. Some have titles I can't quite read.
There's one that catches my eye. I reach for it, but I can't move. I pull as hard as I can. My arm doesn't move.
The window trembles from the thunder. The lightning shines in the dark hall. I caught a glimpse of green scrubs coming towards me. Another thunder, louder this time. The rain becomes a storm. Crashes harder against the window.
"Interesting choice," the dark-haired nurse appears in front of me. "Funny how you tried so hard not to think about this one"
I can't move at all.
Car lights reflect on the window, a loud screech of tires, the floor trembles, and the book I want falls from the bookshelf. I try to grab it, but my body still refuses to move. I feel my breathing increase.
"You're pulling too hard corazón," The nurse says right next to me. The lights reflect her face, a glimpse of bone under her smile. I try to look away, but my head doesn't move. The bookshelves switch into a narrow street. I see Kate kneeling; there's blood on her hands. I want to reach her.
My body doesn't obey me. I feel my legs walking, but the distance doesn't narrow. Wanda passes running next to me. She's on the phone. I try to turn and look where she's going. The nurse tilts her head.
I feel cold arms around me. A freezing sensation descends from my body, my stomach, down to my legs, leaving through my feet.
"Stooooop!" I know my mouth is screaming. I don't hear my voice. "Make it stop!"
"Go now."
Strong hands shake my shoulders.
"Hey, hey, bean... wake up!" I open my eyes to see Kate shaking me lightly. I throw my arms at her. I feel the tears running down my cheeks.
"You're okay. Shhhh. I'm here, you're safe." I feel her arms strengthen her grip on me. She gently rocks me back and forth. Holding my trembling body.
I feel a shadow on the corner. Opening my eyes, I verify is just the curtain moving, the window is open, and the light breeze from the rain enters through the small opening.
After a few minutes, Kate stops whispering lovely words into my head. She steps back, hands still on my body to make sure I'm okay.
"Better now?" She asks. I nod.
"Just... a bad dream." I grab her hands, inspecting them. Making sure there's no blood on them. I turn them again and again, inspecting every inch of the hands that by now, I have memorized.
"Would you like some water?" She asks once I'm done with my inspection. I nod again, not trusting my voice.
She stands up. A thunder sound, followed by the lightning. I jump a little. I grab her arm, preventing her from moving.
"Don't go!! Can you... Can you stay with me tonight, please?"
"Of course. Let me close the curtain." I see her walking to the window, and the light from somewhere reflects on her body. Long legs show under her purple pajama shorts. An old archery t-shirt complements it. She makes her way back to the bed. Lifting the covers, she scootches closer to me, leaving a short distance between us.
I search for her hand. She meets me halfway. I don't want to sleep again.
"Go back to sleep, bean. I'm not going anywhere."
I close my eyes.
The bruises are getting this yellow, greenish color. It still hurts like hell breathing. I'm sitting on the couch browsing something to watch on the ridiculous catalog Kate has a subscription to while my leg rests on a cushion, with ice packs over my ankle. I hear the microwave popping, and the air starts to smell like salty popcorn.
Kate comes back to the couch carrying the snack and a soda. Placing the items close to me, she grabs her laptop and sits on the other side of the room. She smiles at me before going back to work. Benefits of being a big shot and owning half of her mother's company.
I finally decided on a version of my favorite Reality show, a chef's competition. The last season I remember is the past one.
Kate's phone sounds. She sees the notification.
"Wanda's downstairs," Kate closes her laptop. Only the noise from the TV. A different kind of silence. "I'll buzz her in."
A few moments later, there's a knock on the door. Kate stands up. I hear the quiet greetings they exchange. Wanda is the first one to come. She places a bag on the floor. She's wearing a red hoodie with the logo of a school. She lifts my leg, places the cushion next to her, applying the ice carefully.
"You know? I think we're out of cereal and coffee. And Yelena finished the boxes of mac and cheese. I'll go grocery shopping real quick!" Kate grabs her purse, her hoodie, squeezes my shoulder, and leaves.
"Hi, gorgeous," I acknowledge Wanda. She maneuvers to give me a peck on the lips.
"What were you doing, detka?"
"Catching up on shows. Want some popcorn?" I ask, passing the bowl towards her. She politely declines.
"I actually brought you something," Wanda says and retrieves the bag she put on the floor. She handed it to me. A bow is attached to the bag.
"Isn't our anniversary right?" because at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if that's something I completely forgot. I joked about forgetting Yelena's birthday, and she almost cried.
Wanda chuckles, but the smile is sad.
"No, you haven't forgotten it. It's just something I thought you might like." I take out the ribbon, carefully removing the staples from the bag. When I open it, there's a beige mug. Simple.
"A mug?" I ask, trying really hard to think if it should mean something.
"You used to drink from it every Tuesday"
"That's... oddly specific. But I do love Tuesdays"
"I know. You are oddly specific." You are. Not were. I smile, thanking her.
"I like it. Kate's coffee mugs are too small, and she keeps the big ones on a shelf I can't reach. Believe me, I tried"
She smiles, and I get captivated by that.
"You look different. Your hair is longer than I remember." Wanda pauses for a second, then proceeds to arrange the cushion on my ankle. Watching my empty glass, she stands up and refills it. She comes closer this time, rearranging my leg, asking me to scoot over, so she can sit on my other side.
She hugs me, her hand absentmindedly playing with my hair.
It feels familiar.
"You always do that"
"Do what?" she keeps stroking my hair. I feel her hand doing it absentmindedly.
"Take care of things before I ask."
"Well, I like taking care of the people I love." I turn my head and grab her lips. She gasps but responds eagerly. A few seconds later, I feel the urge to breathe. And it hurts.
"It's okay. Come here," She guides my head to her chest. I let her cuddle me while I fall asleep.
My armpits are sore from the crutches. I don't care how many cushions they adapted them with, after a while, I get sore.
And exhausted.
I'm still pretty much on house arrest since the last time I tried to join Kate and Yelena grocery shopping, despite Kate's attempt to hide the fact that we were out of cereal, and now we have four bags of Cheerios, which we absolutely didn't need; I barely made it to the elevator before reconsidering my life choices and asking them to give me a minute.
Kate sent Yelena on her merry way to buy our list and walked me back to the apartment. I felt bad because pretty much she has been on house arrest as well, so I sent her to take a bath, to relax.
"Why aren't you using the crutches?" She asks as soon as she comes out of her room and finds me walking. Well, more like limping/jumping on my left foot to the kitchen.
"I am!"
"I saw them in your room!"
"You didn't specify the time of usage," I bat my eyes at her. She does a full eye inspection and notices I don't have the boot on. Oh-oh.
At that exact moment, Yelena enters with more grocery bags than she left with, and I'm pretty sure the list Kate gave her has not been fulfilled.
"Honey, I'm home," she singsongs, entering the apartment and putting the bags on the table.
The word sends an unpleasant twist through my stomach. At the same time, a chill crawls up my spine.
I've heard that before.
Somewhere. Recently.
I can't remember where.
"Where's the boot?" Shit, she didn't let that go.
"Somewhere"
"That's not a location. Why aren't you wearing it then?" She gets closer to me, trying to corner me to sit.
"Because I don't want to," I petulantly stand my ground, crossing my arms. Kate stops in front of me, mirroring my stance.
"Strong medical reasoning"
I heard Yelena whistling a stupid song she heard on TV. I see her putting away the groceries. There's a sensation in my stomach. I don't like seeing Yelena so comfortable at Kate's.
Kate sighs, lifts her arms up. Both hands are grabbing her face.
"Dude, I love you, but you fucking need to use the boot."
Yelena stops whatever thing she was doing. She looks at me, squinting her eyes. She looks at Kate and slowly leaves the room.
I use the distraction to try to keep walking, but I don't calculate my step and trip. Fuck that hurts. I lost my balance.
Strong hands grab me by my waist. I instinctively grab Kate's shirt. She steadies me. My breathing comes out in short intakes of air. After I feel my heartbeat calm, I loosen my grip on Kate.
She tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
She's closer than I realize.
Blue irises look into mine. For a second, they drop to my lips. I follow them.
She doesn't immediately let go.
I lean in.
Kate leans in.
"This feels like an inappropriate time to mention we're out of soda." I hear Yelena's voice on the kitchen door.
Kate jumps back ten steps.
I'm left there wondering why my heart does this beat I can't quite comprehend.
Pairing: Wanda/Fem!Reader Kate Bishop/Fem!Reader.
Word Count: 4Kish
Tags: angst, slow-burn, friends to lovers, Marvel Sapphic
Translation: zutka = bit*h
A/N: This part shifts between Y/N, Wanda, and Kate’s POV when needed. English isn’t my first language, so apologies for any grammar mistakes that slipped through. Italics indicate memories. This story is divided into three parts, all already written, so updates shouldn’t take long.
Y/N POV
The clouds are an intense dark grey. The smell of the upcoming rain permeates the air. Definitely a storm is arriving. The seconds before the first drop are always charged with something: anxiety, anticipation, dread. For some, there’s even excitement. Yet, no matter how you felt about them, the rain was inevitable.
Kate's hollow voice calls out your name, getting lost among muffled voices. Hurried steps on the wet pavement. The sound of water splashing against pavement feels far away.
You feel a presence next to you.
“Well,” you know you have heard that voice. Female for sure. “That was quite dramatic.”
Your head feels heavy. There’s pressure on your chest. Opening your eyes, the red and blue lights hurt them. You close them again, unable to place the commotion around you.
The smell of wet asphalt makes you want to stand. The heaviness of something stops your arms from moving. You can feel your fingers move but not feel them on your body.
The fear didn’t come immediately. There was noise. Voices loud and muffled, sometimes near. Sometimes far away.
The cold came after, the rain wetting your clothes. Warm liquid trails down your forehead, your cheek, your mouth. There’s a metallic flavor, something like dirt lingers on your tongue. You force yourself to swallow.
It hurts.
Something cold unfolded slowly beneath your ribs. Something had happened. Something bad.
“Ma’am. You can’t pass!”
The pavement shifted slightly beneath you as someone crouched beside.
Too close.
Warm compared to the rain. A familiar scent, though your mind fails to place it. Their breathing feels hurried.
You feel hands—warm and shaking—against your face.
Your throat burns. Like how it felt after the concert you went years ago and screamed your lungs out.
“Shhh. Don’t talk, please… just-”
Your sight is blurry, but you can still make out Kate’s silhouette—her red and black flannel brushing against your face. Behind her, a thin woman observes you. Her black hair is dry despite the storm falling. The green of her blouse looks too vivid against the storm.
“Mhm… this explains it.”
“Miss, we need you to give us space.” The familiar scent vanishes.
There’s a pang on your head. The pain has become unbearable. You close your eyes.
The feeling of hands on your body and the murmur of voices calling your name make you want to turn your head. There’s a stiffness in your throat.
“Don’t move your neck.”
Breathing hurts more. Where’s Kate?
“On three.” A male voice too loud next to you. “Keep her steady.”
Someone counted somewhere above you.
There is a coldness on your back. The world tilted violently despite how carefully they carried you. A hit of nausea. You open your eyes and see the world circling.
Then, the feeling of ten thousand needles entering your body.
The slam of metallic doors.
The telltale of rain becomes metallic and distant. The voices, hollow and far, are closer and warmer. The air smells like antiseptic and gauze.
Your body feels so tired.
“No, corazón. Not yet,” The same female voice whispers in your ear.
KATE’S POV
The car was technically parked.
Good enough to avoid a ticket, badly enough to convey I was in a hurry. Y/N’s location had stopped moving five blocks before the park.
I keep looking at my phone. I once crashed into a trash can at college for the same reason. Y/N never let me completely forget it.
My feet carry me toward the pin on the map. Carefully avoiding slippery patches of concrete. The storm pours down unannounced.
A loud siren followed by the blue and red lights catches my attention. My heart drops when I realize it’s turning right. Exactly where the park should be.
I speed.
Ahead of me I see people gathered around something.
I look for your face amongst anyway.
A glimpse of your Dockers makes my stomach twist. You painted the soles yellow to match the rest of the shoes. I almost don’t recognize you.
Then I see your sweatshirt.
Oh God.
“Ma’am. You can’t pass!”
“Watch me!” Ignoring the poor guy trying to tie a yellow tape on some perimeter. I kneel down next to you. My hands immediately cradle your face.
Blocking you from the rain. How come nobody has come to shield you?
“Hey Jellybean” my voice cracks. “Don’t move, I’m here, I’m here baby.”
Your mouth opens and closes. I feel your hand reaching weakly for my hand.
“Shhh. Don’t talk, please… just-” I brush your hair out of your face, putting it behind your ear. I feel the wetness on my face.
I don’t like this shape of red on you.
“Miss, we need you to give us space.” A young paramedic informs me, his hand on my shoulder. I know I should move. I know! My body feels like I’m stuck to the concrete.
“Miss, please, let us do our work” This time another paramedic, older, judging by the way she helps me up, maternal in a way, separates me from you.
A hard neck-brace is placed on your neck. I know it will bruise.
I hear them giving you instructions. “Don’t move your neck.” My eyes follow their every move. I know they are the professionals but there have been cases of bad practices and-
“Do you know the victim?”
Victim. I feel dizzy. I turn and look at a police officer. Figures.
“Yeah… she’s my… umm she’s my best friend.”
“What’s her name?”
“Y/N Y/L/N”
“On three.” A male voice shouts. “Keep her steady.” I see them lifting you into the stretcher. I walk towards them but I’m stopped by the hand of the officer.
“They’re going to transport her to Stark Memorial Medical Center. Maybe you want to meet them there.”
I yell a quick thanks and run toward the car. Hearing the loud sirens fade. My hand reaches for my phone. In my hurry I forgot to pay the Parking Meter. Shit, shit, shit.
No parking ticket yet.
I make a call. One ring, two rings, three rings. Finally on the fourth.
“I was taking my nap Kate Bishop”
“Yelena… It’s Y/N” again, my voice cracks just slightly but I’m pretty sure she caught it.
“Where are you?”
“On my way to Stark Memorial Medical Center”
“I’ll meet you there” the line ends.
New York at night gets chaotic. This Tuesday night it’s no different.
After finding a spot at the end of the hall, I run towards the elevators. Stark might be an egocentric guy, but his philanthropic nature made for one enormous parking lot.
Pressing the button several times in hopes the gigantic metal box will arrive faster, I can’t help but think of you. You’d probably slap my hand away and tell me pressing it repeatedly wouldn’t make it arrive faster. It probably would mock me and get there more slowly.
Minutes or seconds later, I don’t care, I’m finally at the emergency floor. I see the front desk, not a lot of people around it.
“Hi, yes, good night… Y/N Y/L/N.. I was told she was sent here”
The nurse behind the desk looks at me. Her blue eyes pierce my soul. She types something. The keyboard ticking loudly despite the TV noise and chatter in the room.
“Are you family?”
“I… not exactly. She’s… she’s my best friend” I say a second too late. Hospitals always needed everything translated into simpler terms.
“Then I cannot give you any information, miss.”
The receptionist goes back to her computer. I stare at her.
“I know.. I just.. Please can you just tell me if she’s here?”
Her eyes find mine again. I honestly would give her my PIN for my bank account if she asked it. Intimidating is a nice way to put it. Her stare feels like she has gotten information from aliens.
She looks toward the door. Goes back to work.
“They’re working on her. Stabilizing her from what I heard from the paramedics”
For now that’s enough.
I kept pacing back and forth. Has it been ten seconds or ten minutes? My knuckles hurt from cracking them too much. I know, a bad habit.
“Stop pacing before you make yourself dizzy” I crash against Yelena.
“Kate Bishop, you do have terrible peripheral sighting”
“My peripheral vision is just fine”
The smell of dark-roasted coffee, definitely without sugar reaches my nose. Followed by a syrupy one, like liquid cotton candy. I reach for it.
“No, no, no Kate Bishop. No sweets for you.”
I look at her. Expecting something more sarcastic or ironic. Instead, I find compassion in her eyes. I don’t want it. Because if she feels sorry for me, then something really bad happened to Y/N and that can’t be true. They’re working on her after all.
I feel the wind from outside come and go.
“Kate…” There’s a slight accent at the end of it. A sharp exhale.
“Oh my God, you’re here” Wanda’s voice is panicked, short out of breath. Desperate.
I feel my body tense up at hearing her. When I turn around I just feel her arms around me.
I hug her back.
Besides me, I feel Yelena’s presence step closer.
WANDA’S POV
I keep pacing the living room. Biting my nails, terrible habit I’ve tried to quit. I glance at the window, hoping to see your silhouette down the road.
I call again. And again.
Like the last few calls, you don’t answer me.
I text.
I keep asking you to come home, to talk.
To let me know you’re okay.
The storm rolls in quickly, and you left without a jacket. You get cold fast when it rains. You love the rain. Always have.
There’s still a piece of white crystal on the floor, a remnant of your favourite mug. The memory of the last hour won’t loosen its grip on me. A pressure that refuses to leave.
The edge of the glass is sharp enough to cut my finger. A thin line of blood beads against my skin, but it doesn’t flow freely.
I hear a knock on the door. For a brief moment, my heart jumps, hoping it’s you, drenched but safe.
I open the door. My brother stares at me.
“Calling me out on this weather? Must be something important.”
“We had a fight”
I pace.
I try texting again. All my messages are unread.
I feel Pietro following me to the living room.
“And? Haven’t you been fighting the last few weeks?”
"Yes, but-" Things were good this week. "This was different Piet. She left"
I call again. The rain pours down heavily now. Where are you?
"Just like that?" Pietro sits on the couch observing the apartment. Noticing seems out of place. Y/N's things are still there.
"Okay, sis. Wanna sit down and explain?"
No, I don't wanna sit down. I wanna hear Y/N's voice. I want to see her, and be able to... I just want to know she's okay.
I see my brother get up and go to the kitchen. He's making tea by the sounds of it. After a few minutes, he places a cup of steaming ginger tea in front of me.
"Drink this, it looks like you need it." He sits close to me. Waiting.
I grab the cup, something to distract me from biting my nails again or looking at the cellphone.
The warm liquid does nothing to ease the cold I feel inside.
"I messed up big time." Barely a whisper. The rain crashes against the window.
Pietro looks at me. I feel his stare sizing me up. Deciding on something before I speak.
"What do you mean?"
"She found the test"
Before he can ask more questions or say something else, my cellphone rings. I immediately answer.
"Hello? Y/N??
"Hello, is this Wanda Maximoff speaking?" I hear a female voice call me.
My stomach drops.
"Yes"
"Your girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N has been brought to Stark Memorial Medical Center.”
My hand loses all strength. The cellphone slips from my fingers. I'm getting dizzy. I need to sit down. My hand grabs my stomach.
"Yes, sorry, can you repeat the information?. I'm Pietro, Wanda's brother. Okay. Yes. We're on our way."
We're driving past the speed limit, and everything is blurry. The rain has slowed down, and the streets have that magical aura you loved. It's so cold despite the heater.
My brother's hands are anchoring me. His calloused fingers hold tight. He manages to find a spot closer to the Emergency Entrance. I don't wait for him to step out of the car.
I ran.
Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay.
A mantra I keep repeating for the last few minutes. The doors open, and I look around. Hoping to see you there. You're not.
I see the front desk.
“Kate…” I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. “Oh my God, you’re here.”
I hug her. I feel her arms hugging me back.
Because if she's here, then it means it's not that bad. The call was just Hospital Protocol.
Next to her, I see Yelena patting Kate's shoulder.
I'm the one letting her go first.
"Where is she?"
Probably in one of their rooms. In a few minutes, they’ll let us see her.
"They're working on her right now. Trying to stabilize her, I tried to gain more information, but they told me just that."
I keep looking around, trying to catch a glimpse of you behind the desks. I see Pietro enter and give a thumbs-up.
Wait. Stabilize her?
I turn towards Kate to question her. That's when I notice it.
Her black hair is wet, plastered around her face.
There are red stains on her left sleeve.
Her hands have dried blood on them.
There's a bloody print smeared across her cheek.
Her eyes are puffy and red. She's been crying.
"Kate your-"
"I think you need to ask the front desk, Maximoff," Yelena interrupts my train of thought. Pointing me towards it. Her hand settled briefly against Kate’s sleeve.
"I... yeah, yeah. Sure."
I walk towards it, my steps suddenly feel heavy. Pietro grabs my hand as he takes me there.
The nurse behind the desk sips on a coffee, talking quietly with a male nurse. I try to get her attention.
The emergency room doors swing open, and a male doctor comes out. Scanning the room, he asks about any relatives for Y/L/N Y/N. There's a chart in his right hand.
I feel Kate's presence a few steps behind me. I turn around to look at him.
"Yes, we're here!"
He walks closer to me. Pietro steps aside.
"Are you Wanda Maximoff?"
I just nod.
"I'm Dr. Banner, I'm the Neurological resident. I need you to come with me."
"Can... can't you just tell me? Where's Y/N? I need to see her." I feel a sting behind my eyes. I hate crying in public, but why don't they let me see you?
He lets a sigh escape. I'm probably not the first person to ask him that. I don't care. His left hand takes off his glasses. He rubs his eyes. He looks towards the receptionist. He looks at me, folding his glasses and putting them into his surgical scrub's pocket.
"She was brought in this evening after a vehicle accident. Your partner sustained a significant head injury after the impact."
There's a gasp behind me.
"She experienced cardiac instability during transport, but the paramedics were able to stabilize her before arrival."
Didn't Kate mention they were stabilizing her? Does it mean Y/N crashed again?
"Right now... she’s stable." Dr. Banner informs while reading the chart.
Stable. The word seems fragile. Like it should give me some kind of comfort.
"We made the decision to place her under medically induced sedation to reduce stress on the brain. She’s breathing with assistance while her body recovers. We’ll be monitoring for changes in swelling, responsiveness, and neurological activity."
"So she's in a coma?" Pietro asks
I feel my legs tremble. You can't be in a coma.
"Medically induced. The sedation is for protection."
"Can we see her?" Kate's voice feels so far away.
My head feels dizzy. I need to breathe. I feel Pietro's hands around my waist.
"Not for the moment. They're taking her to the ICU for the night. We'll need some paperwork signed. Nurse Hill will give them to you, Miss. Maximoff"
He turns to leave but stops. "She’s young, which works in her favor." After that, he's gone.
My breathing feels constricted. I need to go out. I need fresh air. My legs shake, but I force myself to walk anyway.
"Wanda," Pietro's voice calls me back.
"I just need five minutes."
I walk out towards the entrance. I feel the cold air. The air smells like wet dirt. You loved it. No, I correct myself, you love the smell.
I recall the image of Kate's bloodied hand. She must have held you. Like she always does when you need her the most.
I hate myself for letting you storm out.
KATE'S POV
"Not for the moment. They're taking her to the ICU for the night. We'll need some paperwork signed. Nurse Hill will give them to you, Miss. Maximoff" I heard Dr. Banner inform her.
Inform us?
I can't see you yet. And it’ll probably be a while before they let me.
I don't want to leave you. I resume my pacing. I need something to do. The urge to crack my knuckles again itches under my skin. The waiting room feels so quiet. Are we allowed to turn on the TV? Where's the coffee Yelena shoved into my hands earlier?
"Do you want coffee? I need coffee. I'm going to the cafeteria."
"Kate" Yelena's voice tries to call me. I keep walking.
The A/C is too cold for this time of year. What time is it anyway? My wrist is at my eye level, 9:54 pm. I notice a brownish spot on my sleeve.
I frown. This shirt was clean before I came to meet you-
I turn my hands over, palm up. I haven’t noticed the blood.
Maybe I noticed it before. My brain just refused to understand it.
It’s dried dark across my hands now.
Under my nails.
There's a sign close to the cafeteria. Bathrooms are on the left. I walk through the women's door.
Opening the tab, I let the water run. The soap dispenser button isn't working. I keep pressing it, harder and harder each time.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
I scrub at my palms in the bathroom sink until they turn pink. The metallic smell hits me before the sight does. The water never runs clear fast enough. I can’t stop looking at my hands.
Salt hits my tongue. I risk a glimpse at the mirror. My hair is wet, my ponytail messed up. There's a dried red line smeared across my cheek.
I don't stop the tears this time.
I feel someone hugging me. My body trembles between sobs. When I close my eyes, all I can see is your body motionless. Rivers of red around you. And your eyes. So full of life days before, looked at me with so much hurt and fear underneath.
I should have- NO. Stop this train of thought. Y/N's going to be alright.
The room suddenly feels smaller.
"Hey, hey! Bishop. Look at me!" Yelena's the one embracing me? I refuse to look at her.
"Fine, be a stubborn zutka. Just breathe with me before I slap you."
I feel her shake me a little. I gasp for air.
"Good. Again"
I inhale, letting my lungs fill with air. I count to five, just like you and I used to do when we were on finals, spiraling about failing the exam. I exhale.
"Good. Again"
I inhale. 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - I exhale. I inhale. 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - I exhale
"Is this a bad time to wish Y/N were here so she could clean your face from all the snot?" I hear her thick accent say. Yelena's accent becomes stronger when stressed or exhausted.
Just like Wanda. You used to refer to them as the "Accent Comes Under Stress Sisters". Neither found it funny.
For the first time since your call, I laugh.
"It's going to be alright," is it?
WANDA'S POV
Emergency rooms at midnight are something of their own. It has been thirty minutes since I came back, and neither Dr. Banner nor Nurse Hill has come out.
I saw Kate seated close to the TV with Yelena, both nursing a cup of coffee. Kate's hands and face are cleaner. She seems lost, though. But... aren't we both?
I wonder...
"Miss Maximoff?" Nurse Hills finally calls my name.
I see her standing up behind the desk. Pietro stands at my side.
There's a bunch of documents on a clipboard.
"I know this is overwhelming, but I need a few signatures for ICU admission. These forms authorize continued treatment while she’s sedated. We also need to confirm who we’re permitted to give updates to.” She explains in a monotone voice, as if Y/N was just waiting for antibiotics instead of fighting to breathe.
I feel a migraine coming up.
Sitting closer to the middle chairs, my eyes scan the documents, all of them pointing toward the same terrible reality: you were hurt, and I let you leave alone.
My hand trembles as I fill out something called Consent for Continued Treatment. Why do they have to be so technical? I look at my signature, and it's shaky but readable.
As I keep filling form after form, I barely register the questions. I automatically write your name, birthday, address, blood type, and social security number.
You joked once about having this information written in our phones. I hate you for being so cautious.
I really don't.
I pause at one question in one form, specifically:
Relation to the patient
I hesitate.
Trembling, I write "Partner".
My heart beats faster.
Allergies? I know you have some. I pick at my brain trying to recall them. Should I ask Kate? No. I know them.
The emergency room doors swing open again.
"Kate? Wanda?" Your mother is here. And suddenly I feel so small.
I see Kate standing up, she's embraced by your brother.
"Have they told you her status?"
"Stable" is all I manage to say. There have been a lot of words, but I'm hanging on to that one.
"She's been transferred to the ICU."
Kate's voice sounds hollow. I have never seen her like this.
Your mother seems offended at that. Goes straight to the desk.
"Excuse me. Can you give me an update on Y/N Y/L/N"
"Are you family?" Nurse Hill asks without taking her eyes off the monitor.
"I'm her mother."
Nurse Hill looks up then.
"Her partner has already been speaking with the medical team, since she's listed as the primary contact for medical updates. We’ll do our best to keep everyone updated, but we do need to communicate through the authorized contact first."
My shoulders tense up at hearing this. I look at your mom. She has the same kind of eyes you have.
"Can I see my daughter?" I hear your mom asks.
Hill's eyes look at me briefly before answering.
"Not for the moment."
Dr. Banner emerges again. His glasses are off this time. He stops at Nurse Hill's desk. Placing some charts on top of it, he grabs a pen and signs something. He spots me.
"Miss. Maximoff, at this time, Miss Y/L/N is listed as full code. Is that consistent with her wishes?”
"Yes... Of course!" I find myself answering quickly. Too quickly.
I don't even know what a full code is.
"Right. Visitors might need to go one at a time. Would you let Nurse Hill know the approved visitors list once you have them?" He says while writing. A beep-beep. He looks at it, and then it's gone.
I feel two pairs of eyes on me.
Y/N'S POV
Warm. I feel softness.
Beeping.
Slow. Consistent.
Muffled voices. Like underwater.
"I thought you’d let go sooner.”
Clearer.
Everything disappears before I can comprehend it.
~~~~~~
Someone's crying. Distant.
~~~~~~
"--- stable right now."
A stranger's voice.
"Okay" too quickly.
There's a brushing on my forehead.
"Humans do love terrible timing," she whispers in my ear.
~~~~~~~
A hand around mine.
Warm. Calloused
A thumb moving across my knuckles slowly.
"You're making this remarkably difficult," she says.
~~~~~~~~~
There's pressure in my throat.
I want to throw up.
The beeping is fast.
I feel a strong grip on my shoulders.
"Hey, hey--"
The darkness returns.
~~~~~~
There's a light tap against my shoulder.
Hard enough to pull me out of the heaviness.
“Oh,” she says softly. “Showtime.”
Shadows linger around me. Blurred and shapeless
Another light tap.
“Wakey wakey,” She whispers.
A loud beeping. Dripping liquid.
Crumbled sheets.
I feel my fingers twitch.
Breathing is hard.
I feel my body on fire. Everything hurts.
My head throbs. I swallow.
It feels like swallowing glass.
My body feels too heavy.
The muffled voices are becoming clearer.
Too loud. Too muddled.
There's a sensation in my stomach. Emptiness. I have felt it before.
Fear.
I feel a horrible understanding that something happened to me.
I open my eyes, only halfway, before the light forces them shut again.
Someone moves closer immediately.
Something shifts beside me.
Safe.
"Hey baby" // "Jellybean"
My mouth opens before any other thought fully catches up.
“Kate…aximoff.”
"Oh... that's unfortunate." She whispers in my ear again.
