This Masterlist is in a A-Z order with characters first then actors.*
CHARACTERS
BUCKY BARNES
Series
You Always Hurt The Ones You Love
Series Summary: You fall for your smoking hot literature professor Bucky Barnes (quite literally) what follows you never predicted would happen.
REMUS LUPIN
Series
Secret Smokes (NEW)
Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.
ACTORS
MISHA COLLINS
Hey Darling [SERIES Completed] (contains only a bit of Misha x Reader )
Series Summary: You are new to supernatural and joins the con circuit and meeting all the regular con attenders including Rob. You quickly become close with Rob however you get involved with another cast member which is only going to cause you trouble. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster, grab a drink and popcorn and binge read a emotional love story.
Merry Christmas [Drabble]
ROB BENEDICT
One shots
Buttercup
An LA Party
You Can’t Wear Converse
Short Rob Drabble
Silverspoon
Je T’aime
Series
Hey Daring [Completed]
Series Summary: You are new to supernatural and joins the con circuit and meeting all the regular con attenders including Rob. You quickly become close with Rob however you get involved with another cast member which is only going to cause you trouble. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster, grab a drink and popcorn and binge read a emotional love story.
St Louis
Series Summary: A lake house, a high school reunion and a fake girlfriend with a real crush, what could go wrong? Well turns out a lot as you and Rob set off on a emotional rollercoaster, the question is will your hearts end up shattered at the end of the ride or not?
The Memory Scrapbook: A Cute Drabble Mini Series
The Meeting | The Email | The Wedding Band
*Disclaimer: This is all works of fiction and my interpretation of the characters or people. In no way do I mean to harm or mis-portray the people of characters. It’s all for fun and to be taken as a story not as facts. Also all my respect goes to the creators of the characters or to the people because they made me fall in love with them and make me want to create my on universes using their characters.
This is the year where I seriously consider becoming a writer
How?
1. I finish Secret Smokes
2. I continue to practice writing ideas here with more and more Remus fics maybe even a sequel to Secret Smokes
3. I start my own journey outside fanfiction believing in my own original ideas.
4. I start a X to publicise my own work
5. I start posting some writing bits/ ideas on Substack
You can find me @writingbel on both those platforms
If you want to support my journey by following me on one of these platforms that would be cool. I don’t know what will come of it but I’m motivated to do something with ideas that exist in my head. Give them a life, and finish the stories I’ve already bought to life.
Thank you for reading, still supporting my fics with comments and likes. I appreciate you all!!!!
Don’t want to freak anyone out but I just made eye contact with David Thewlis on the London Underground…. Do you think he knows I wrote a 40k word fan fiction about him?
Anyway he was wearing a long trench coat and has hunched over like his character from Mike Leigh’s Naked so I was very much internally fangirling while trying not to look back at him so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable
Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.
A/N: wow she's back? Hello if you're still reading thank you so much, it's been a year since I posted the NYE chapter and it's once again NYE which I consider unofficial Secret Smokes day so I'm back, I can't promise regular updates but I promise the chapters are just gonna get longer and jucier from now on. I plan to make this 20 chapters so the countdown to the end starts now. I've missed you all!
| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |
Previous Chapter, Part 17, Next Chapter
Sirius opened the door with a big grin, then you saw surprise, than an even bigger grin. "Y/N!" He exclaimed hugging you.
"Hello." You said in a cheery voice slightly overwhelmed by the greeting.
"I'm so glad you came, Remus you can leave." He said as a joke stepping out the way to let you both in. Remus and Sirius did hug hello after you walked in, it warmed your heart to see Remus loved by someone. You settled in the first floor in the drawing room which had two large sofas a large fireplace flanked by two ornate glass-fronted cabinets, and an entire wall covered with a tapestry of the Black family tree. You sat down next to Remus and Sirius sat opposite you after serving you with tea, he was excited to have you there, giddy almost. "I've been waiting for Remus to finally bring you over so we can chat." Sirius explained as he put an abnormal amount of sugar cubes in his tea. "He says he's worried someone from the order will bump into you but I think he's scared of all the embarrassing stories." Sirius explained, Remus rolled his eyes.
"You know I think you're right, but finally we have the opportunity for you to tell me everything." You replied matching Sirius's energy and shooting him a wink.
"First tell me how did you convince this loser to change his mind as no matter how hard I tried nothing worked."
"I guess I have my ways."
"She's very charming." Remus chirped in.
"Oh is she, tell me more?" Sirius said with a suggestive tone.
"Sirius, get your mind out the gutter." Remus said sternly but still in a friendly way.
"Anyway, those embarrassing stories please." You requested and Sirius's face lit up. Remus shook his head lightly, kissed you on the forehead as he stood up and walked over to the record player in the corner of the room. As Sirius began telling you a story of Remus's prank going wrong in fifth year and ending up with him burning off a part of his eyebrow. Remus flicked through the records and put on one you loved, it was a T.Rex vinyl. "You can actually still see the burn mark here." Remus said as he sat down next to you and you looked closely at his eye brow which had thinner hair in one part, you slowly examined it running your finger over it, sharing a small moment of intimacy. You moved your finger away and chanted "Tell me more, tell me more." Both the guys laughed in response. The tea soon changed to fire whiskey and the stories got juicer. It felt so comfortable sitting relaxing with the two of them. You and Sirius got increasingly drunk while Remus kept his composure however he relaxed more and more. Sirius served you some more whiskey but Remus put his hand on top of the glass signifying he doesn't want anymore and Sirius nodded in response. "Remus you bring me here and you don't even want to join in on the fun?" You teased.
"Don't be offended Y/N. He doesn't drink." Sirius remarked.
"Hm and New years was what?" You poked Remus's side teasingly.
"Correction he doesn't drink unless he's nervous and even then he won't get drunk." Sirius replied and Remus nodded while filling his glass up with some water.
"Well now you're wrong..." you began but Remus shook his head. "He's not. I wasn't drunk. Tipsy and reckless at most. But the last time I was really drunk as James and Lilly's funeral."
"So you kissed me sober?"
"Well under the influence of a little fire whiskey and a lot of testosterone."
"You drank as much as me!" You accused him confused as to how he could've remained sober.
"He's a wolf." Sirius said and howled jokingly. At that moment Remus jokingly made a wild sound before pouncing on you to tease you and pretending to bite you before pecking your cheek.
"Oh Merlin I'm so lonely." Sirius sighed dramatically. And you and Remus rolled your eyes. "Y/N do you have any cute friends?" Sirius began.
"Stop it old man." Remus remarked beginning another round of teasing between the two men.
You were laying down on the sofa with your legs draped over Remus's as your back rested on the arm of the sofa, his hand was lightly stroking your leg in a loving manner and the cure played in the background. It was a song you particularly liked and due to the confidence caused from the uncountable glasses of fire whiskey you began to quietly sing along as Remus and Sirius debated something stupid. "I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don't care about you." You sang quietly to yourself under your breath
"It's Friday, I'm in love" Remus joined in quietly almost a whisper, he glanced at you and you both shared a smile as he gently squeezed your leg where his hand was resting.
"Oh you guys are gonna make me throw up, I'm so lonely." Sirius sighed dramatically, making you and Remus blush this time but by this point in the night all sense of embarrassment had left your body and there was enough public displays of affection, then there was a knock on the door downstairs. "Ooo pizza." Sirius said excitedly and jumped up.
"Do you need help carrying it up?" Remus asked.
"No just don't do anything on my sofa while I'm downstairs." Sirius said with a wink.
"I can't promise anything." Remus whispered to you as soon as Sirius left the room. The alcohol was pulsing through your bodies, yours more than his as he hadn't had a sip of alcohol in about a hour, but the ease of the evening made you feel ever so infatuated by Remus. He moved closer to kiss you slowly. "I really care about you." He whispered.
"I care about you too." You whispered back.
"Thank you for coming here with me."
"Thank you for finally letting me in." You whispered back and he pecked your lips once more before going back to sit in the same position.
"I don't know what I was scared of, this is one of the best evenings I've had in a very long time."
"Me too, Sirius is lovely, and funny. I understand why you're friends." You said.
"He's great, I'm lucky to have him."
"And he's lucky to have you."
"You know when I first met Sirius I thought-" Remus began before you heard Sirius arguing with someone. "Hold on-" he said.
"Everything okay."
"Shh." He said and you both went silent. It was two male voices one was Sirius the other was familiar, a low tone and slow speech. You began to hear a quick walk up the stairs followed by Sirius. Remus quickly moved your legs off of him and moved to the other sofa as at the very moment Snape stormed through the door. "What do we have here?" Miss L/N outside school property, drinking. With a Hogwarts professor?"
"Snivellus, why have you stormed into my bloody house?" Sirius walked through the door annoyed.
"Well apparently you're busy drinking with a student."
"Not my student, I'm not a teacher." Sirius said sarcastically, Remus looked angry and frozen you didn't know what to do you just kept looking at Remus for support avoiding eye contact with Snape.
"Lupin, a man with your condition sleeping with students is not very wise." Remus didn't say anything he stood up to say something but at that very moment Sirius spoke.
"Why have you stormed into my house on a Friday evening? To make up some illusions to help your life be a little less miserable?" Sirius walked closer to Snape, it looked like Remus and Sirius were both ready to punch Snape. You had a lump in your throat, you were half expecting to wake up from this nightmare at any moment.
"Dumbledore called an emergency meeting, and if you haven't forgotten this is the headquarters for the order."
"Doesn't justify you walking through my house?"
"I had to check what you were hiding up here. I look forward to hearing how your furry friend will talk his way out of this one." Snape said with a vile tone.
"There's nothing to talk out of, it's Friday evening and I'm having a drink with my friends, shoot me." Sirius snapped, thank god Sirius was here.
"You're awfully quiet." Snape said turning around to face Lupin.
"There's nothing to say, I'm here for the meeting like you are."
"With a Hogwarts student smelling like alcohol?" Snape said accusingly.
"I can't help if she's friends with Sirius or not." Lupin said sitting down and talking another sip of his drink which was luckily water as he acted as if nothing is wrong. You looked down at the floor. Another knock on the door was heard. "Pizza! Snape you're welcome to leave." Sirius said before running downstairs. "Miss L/N I was wondering how your grades went up so quickly-"
"Oh fuck off." Remus slammed his glass on the table, stood up and in that moment Snape was hit with a stunner. He pulled his wand out and Remus disarmed him in a second. At this moment Dumbledore walked into the room, Remus was disarmed and had a look of horror on his face as he knew he had fucked up.
"Gentlemen, please stand up and explain yourselves."
"Well only one isn't standing." Sirius chipped in standing behind Dumbledore looking at Snape on the floor.
"Thank you Mr Black, I am aware." Dumbledore replied.
"I just wanted to say as far as duels go there's an obvious winner." Sirius continued. Remus's eyes were glued to the floor like a school boy who's been told off. "Remus, when you stand like that you remind me of when you were miss L/N age." Dumbledore mentioned shooting you a glance. "Now would you like to explain yourselves as to the disturbance?"
"Professor, I believe I have caught Professor Lupin doing inappropriate activities with a Hogwarts student."
"You believe?" Dumbledore questioned.
"Well yes, they were both alone here smelling of alcohol."
"Excuse me I was here too." Sirius interrupted.
"Therefore they weren't alone." Dumbledore nodded in agreement.
"But Miss L/N is a Hogwarts student outside campus without permission." Snape argued.
"I see she is escorted here with Professor Lupin." Dumbledore said calmly sitting down and pouring himself a drink using wandless magic.
"But they've been drinking." Snape continued.
"Well everyone here is legally an adult and it's Friday night, what else would you expect? Besides I see a glass of water right here." Dumbledore pointed to Remus's glass.
"I'm sorry Professor Dumbledore, but I don't understand how you can be so relaxed about this. We're meant to have a meeting and we find a student drinking with her professor outside Hogwarts grounds how are you allowing this?" Snape kept protesting.
"I do agree that Miss L/N shouldn't have left Hogwarts grounds during term time however she's an adult and thankfully she did have a guardian with her. Unfortunately, I'm sorry Miss L/N Professor Snape does have a point, I'm going to have to give you detention in Professor Lupin's office on Monday for leaving Hogwarts with no notice."
"And you're not punishing the teacher who allowed the student to leave?" Snape asked.
"Well I am making him run the detention aren't I?" Dumbledore asked.
"I can't believe you are so relaxed about this they are obviously involved with each other in some way."
"Whatever may happen outside Hogwarts grounds between adults does not concern me, I have no reason to believe anything inappropriate is happening in the hallways or corridors of Hogwarts."
A knock again on the door. "I hope it's pizza this time." Sirius said in a tired tone as he walked away.
"I'll escort Y/N back to Hogwarts I'm sorry professor." Remus said standing up.
"Perfect problem solved don't you think Professor Snape?" Dumbledore said with a smile. Snape did not respond. "Now let's head downstairs for that pizza." Words you never thought you would hear Dumbledore say. While waking downstairs you saw Sirius thanking the mildly concerned pizza man for it being him this time, it made you finally relax for the first time all evening. Remus walked in front of you without a word, when he reached the bottom of the stairs he simply announced. "I will be back shortly Headmaster." Before grabbing your arm and taking you back to Hogwarts. He walked you to your dorm room, there he spoke his first words to you. "I need to go. I'm sorry." And just like that he turned around and left.
You knocked on Remus's office door the next morning. You were greeted by a tired face and a slouched body, he looked alike the night after a full moon but you knew the next one was still quite a while away.
"Can we talk?" You asked and he nodded stepping aside to let you in.
"Tea?" His words were weak.
"No thank you." You said, not sitting down. "Are you going to loose your job?" You asked blatantly trying to keep a firm and controlled tone.
"No, I don't think so." He said over his shoulder while closing the door and making sure to lock it.
"Does Dumbledore know?"
"I believe he's known for quite a while." Remus ran his hand through his hair.
"But he doesn't care?"
"He made it seem like he doesn't see an issue with it as long as it doesn't affect my teaching or your learning." Remus explained.
"So business as usual? We're okay?"
"No... I'm afraid not Y/N." He said finally sitting down in his chair.
"Why? Everything is okay. Worst case scenario happened and it's all okay." You reasoned standing on the opposite side of the desk.
"Y/N we have flown too close to the sun. I am a fool for taking you there yesterday I put us in danger."
"Remus don't be-"
"I'm not being anything but honest."
"Remus the only issue here is your own fears, and it seems as though the reality is not as bad as you were afraid. Snape knows, Dumbledore knows. And you're still here, I'm still here. You didn't get fired. No one cares, why can't you let yourself be happy this one time?"
"Because when I feel happy, I let me guard down and every time, every single time something bad happens. I didn't want you to go see Sirius because I knew when it happens something bad will follow but I couldn't resist. And just like that not only Snape but Dumbledore and the whole order showed up."
"And we're okay why can't you see that? Neither of us are in trouble don't run away from a good thing when you have the chance to enjoy it."
Remus shut his eyes and rubbed his temple with his hand. No words came.
"I can't keep going through this back and forth, you need to stop hating yourself so much you're being an asshole." You snapped.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Do you know what hurts me? One day sitting in your office holding your hand and feeling happy, then the next you ignoring me in the corridors, than suddenly listening to vinyls on your best friends sofa to once again you telling me you want to start ignoring me again."
"It hurts me too."
"You have the power to stop it Remus. Just accept that we both like each other and allow it."
"I like you very much you know that." He pleaded.
"You have a pretty awful way of showing it." You confessed allowing your anger to show.
"I'm an old man."
"Ancient." You rolled your eyes. "I don't care."
"Your reputation will be tarnished."
"Tarnish it." You didn't break eye contact.
"I want you to be able to enjoy your youth, live it to the fullest."
"And a high school romance with my teacher isn't living to the fullest? Do you know how many other girls would die to touch you the way I do." His cheeks flushed red.
"The novelty will wear off girl, you'll get bored of me."
"Then let me get bored." You said leaning on his desk in front of him as he stayed sat on his chair. You were looking down at him and he was looking up at you, his legs spread wide under the desk.
"Darling are you forgetting what I am?"
"A hot professor with low self esteem?"
He laughed rolling his eyes and nodding. "A wolf." He made a howling side and grabbed your hips pulling you closer to him so now you were sitting on his legs starring intently into each other's eyes.
"You know very well that I'm not scared of wolves."
"My body is covering in scars." He broke eye contact.
"I know. And I find them all very attractive." You kissed the one on his neck that was peeking over his shirt collar.
"You know there's stigma that comes with dating a werewolf, people don't like people like me."
"Perfect filter for bigots, if they don't respect you, I don't want them in my life. And now Mr are you finished with the self loathing?"
"I've got a little left in me." He said playfully and you crashed your lips into his. "I'm finished we can move on to the part where I show you all the scars I hate."
"Perfect." You began to unbutton his shirt kissing his chest.
64.media.tumblr.com
NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote
A/N: sorry for the angst I had to do it.
Tags (if you aren't here but want to be leave a reply and I'll add you or DM me to get removed):
Hello, don’t know if you guys remember me I know this year I’ve been a bit MIA, but I’m back and I’m writing again. I’m planning for secret smokes to end at chapter 20 so let’s give everyone the justice they deserve and finish it. I’ve nearly finished chapter 17 however I’m re-reading the whole fic to make sure it stays consistent to everything that has come before!
So I suggest if you’re still interested give some of the previous chapters a read again and expect the next part to come out very soon.
Hi! I don’t know if you’re still writing (I truly hope you are), but I just wanted to say I binge read ‘Secret Smokes’ and adore it. I sincerely hope there will be more parts, but if not, I just wanted to let you know how wonderful of a writer you are! <3
Hello yes I am thank you so much for your kind words, how do you feel about a quick re-read soon because part 17 is coming your before 2025 hits !
Hey! I might be stupid but I don’t know how to see the dates that you posted the chapters and I just need to know if you are still writing the secret smokes because I read all of them in one sitting and I fear I need more!
Yes I’m still writing it although I’ve gone MIA for a few months, I’m hoping to post again before New Years as it’s hit me I’ve been literally writing this fic for YEARS now 🫢😳
I really love secret smokes, my first language is not English and although it is a bit difficult for me, I really enjoyed every word of Remus's story. I look forward to the next update.
Thank you so much! Sorry to hear it was difficult for you to read hope it was still mostly enjoyable
A bit of a different post today but a very important one. If you’re still trying to figure out how to vote in the UK may I suggest having a look here for information on how to stop the tories
Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.
A/N: knock, knock, anyone still here? We're back baby! Let's continue this emotional rollercoaster.
| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |
Previous Chapter, Part 16, Next Chapter
The truth is you weren't sure if setting such strong boundaries between yourself and Remus was a good idea, you knew in your words you shut off any opportunity for dates but at least you stopped arguing. It was almost as if removing pressure and expectations relaxed you both, a bit more excitement showed up as you now didn't know when you would spend time together. This increased the tension during your tutoring and when you bumped into each other in the hallway. If you wanted to see Remus you would go and knock on his office door and usually he would be in, but if he wanted to see you he had to put in more effort, he would usually find you using his Marauders Map, and he'd "casually" bump into you and inform you that he needed to discuss an essay with you.
The first week after your discussion was quite drastic you only saw each other two evenings out of the week, Remus only waited for you to show up but by the second week he was initiating the invites too. Your tutoring days turned into default Remus days as you chose to stay after your lesson was complete, it all felt very healthy and balanced. Neither of you owed each other anything and in a way you finally fell into the pattern Remus always wanted of not being in love just being together. However what you didn't know is Remus ached the past just like you did, you both didn't know what to do with your evenings anymore hoping the other would speak out and initiate an evenings together. Yes you did spend more time with your friends you began building friendships with more fellow students like Oliver Wood for example but the emptiness and longing remained and only disappeared as soon as you were back with Remus. On Friday you decided to go visit Remus's office with a gift that your parents sent you for your "friends" birthday upon your request. You knocked on his door only to find him in his usual position, he was hunched over his desk writing, his hands slightly stained from the ink of his quill.
"Marking or just for fun Professor?" You asked as you entered with a light nod and he looked up at you with a warm smile.
"For mental clarity. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He collected all the parchment and put it back in his desk drawer as you sat down opposite. He didn't stand up to embrace you as he was recently taking a more reserved approach towards your relations.
"I've got you a gift." You said with a smile revealing a small present wrapped in brown paper and tied with a tweed string.
"Thank you but how come?" He looked confused as he stood up and came to sit besides you.
"Your birthday, I know it's a bit late but you didn't let me know your birthday in advance so next year it'll be on time."
"Oh you think they'll be a next year?" He said shyly.
"Well no matter how close you are to a friend at least birthday wishes are always in order don't you think?" You asked and he nodded.
"You really didn't have to, you spend too much money on me." He said holding the gift in his hands but not opening it.
"Just open it." You said rolling your eyes and he followed your instructions opening it slowly, attempting not to rip anything. He pulled out a hardback penguin classics editions of Blake's Songs of innocence and of experience. "To help with the moral battles going on inside your head."
"How utterly topical, thank you dear, it's absolutely beautiful." He said with a warm smile going in to kiss you at the end of his sentence you welcomed the kiss as it felt like how he kissed you before the argument happened. "However it was actually the proverbs of hell that I quoted to you."
"I know, innocent and experienced wouldn't say something so evil to me."
"You were the one who called it off not me." He said with a playful wink.
"All thanks to your verbs from hell Remus." You said throwing a sofa cushion at him jokingly and he laughed.
"So do we thank William Blake or do we hate him?" Remus asked.
"Well let's see what happens when I finish school than we'll know." You said moving to sit closer to Remus and resting your head on his shoulder he put down the book on the coffee table and put his arm around you.
"How's revision going?"
"It's going, I'm stressed and I feel like I can't focus it feels like the common room and library are so packed with people and no one is ever really that quiet and I feel like they're all so far ahead of me."
"Darling you are so much further ahead then most of them, trust me I mark their work. But if you want to come and study here again you can, even if I'm not here just use my office, if anyone knocks while you're in here you can just say you have detention or you can explain that I allowed you to work from here."
"Thank you, but it's okay. I'll let you know if I need it. For now I think I just need a break my head feels like it's on fire." You explained closing your eyes slowly.
"Walk with me?" He asked standing up and reaching out a hand, you nodded in return standing up with him. He picked up his blazer and locked his office as you both left. You began walking and talking not knowing where Remus was leading you but you quickly left the castle grounds and began walking in the direction of Hogsmeade.
"How do you feel about us now?" You asked quietly as soon as you left Hogwarts grounds.
"I think you did the best thing for us, something I didn't have the guts to do." He replied, hands in his pocket, eyes looking down at his feet.
"What do you mean?"
"You hit the breaks on us, something I couldn't get myself to do, but we both knew we should."
"I think I regret it." You admitted not looking at him but in this moment he looked at you with a hurt face. "Not you, not us, but slowing us down, I miss what we had already." You elaborated.
"We still have it, just more controlled." His voice was very controlled like each word was thought out.
"But it's not the same, it's like I'm constantly reaching to stroke your hair and then pulling away as I know that's too much for what we currently are. I just want to skip to the end of the year and click play, I don't like this time on pause thing."
"Don't waste these last few months, when you leave you'll realise how much you miss it. These will be some of your best years. The freedom almost disappears, the friends move away and money suddenly becomes a problem." He explained and you nodded.
"I don't even know what I'll do next year." You admitted.
"Do you want my advice or just for me to listen?"
"Advice." You said appreciating he asked.
"I think you should teach muggle studies."
"Where?"
"Here at Hogwarts." He said enthusiastically.
"Here with you?" You asked.
"Not necessarily here with me, just here in the best school in the country. Hogwarts needs someone as passionate as you. You can help make young witches and wizards understand the muggle world, you can introduce them to music, literature. You can spend all day talking about things you love."
"I never thought of it that way." You admitted.
"It's just a thought, I think you'd make a great teacher. Plus in what other job can you geek out about Bowie to a room full of people and call it work?" He said enthusiastically.
"I don't know the first thing about teaching." You admitted.
"I'll teach you." He said casually.
"You just want to stay as my teacher forever and then we can never move on." You said with a small nervous laugh.
"Don't be stupid, then you'll be my peer and we'll have more freedom as to see where our lives go." He said.
"Won't it be just as taboo? We'll be back in limbo of not being able to date as we'll be working together and then we'll be waiting forever."
"No I don't think so, the problem is right now you're young, you haven't experienced the world, I don't want to be the blockade. You need to be free to do whatever you want and when you are no longer my student we can talk and see what we are." He explained once again, it felt like you both had this conversation memorised.
"But," you began again and Remus sighed anticipating what you're about to say. "How does this constitute as freedom, if I want to date around I can't, not that I want to, but if I did we said we're exclusive, it's like this is a relationship with none of the feel good parts just the sex and longing." You whispered bits just incase anyone was around.
"You asked for this Y/N." Remus emphasised.
"I don't think I did, I asked for more and I settled for this." You explained realising all you ever wanted was more dates but somehow your argument that day led to you asking for less everything, less feelings, less love and less time.
"Dear, have you read The mill on the floss by George Elliot? In it Phillip says "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we're thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good and we must hunger after them. How can we ever be satisfied without them until our feelings are deadened?"
"I think that feels like an instinct I share." You said not understanding how a quote about seeking love is relevant when he's saying not to seek it.
"It's the romantic manifesto. There must be something more than this, something more intense. Something to let you out of the washing up and making your bed."
"Exactly." You said.
"Well it scares me to say I may have found it, the something more intense, but I don't want to mess it up, because if it exists it's the most beautiful thing I've ever stumbled across and I don't want to loose it by messing it up. Therefore let's let it take time and nourish in the feeling of longing for a little longer before we find comfort in it, let's not risk it before we are sure we can have it."
"I feel you're right but I don't want you to be."
"I don't want to be either." He said as he stood still and you looked puzzled at him as he looked around. "Coast is clear, aparate with me." He said and you grabbed on to him. You were in an alleyway in London you knew that immediately. First thing he did was crash his lips into yours, you kissed for an extended moment as it felt like finally you could, once he pulled away he grabbed your hand. "Where are we going?" You asked.
"To visit a friend, if you'd like?" He said as you turned the corner to see the familiar steps of 12 Grimauld place.
"Really, you aren't scared?" You asked.
"Terrified, but there's no meeting and no need to have a meeting therefore the only person home today will be Sirius and no one else should arrive especially who on earth would come on a Friday with no news, they don't like to hang out here." He explained as you approached the house.
"I'm so excited to find out everything about teenage Remus." You said and he laughed as he knocked on the door waiting for Sirius to open it.
NEXT CHAPTER
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i am so excited for the new chapter of secret smokes, i reread it all last night til 2am. keep doing what ur doing it’s amazing xx
Omg you’re the best haha! I also re-read it all over the last two days before continuing to write and I do have to say it’s fun to read it all in one go. I hope you enjoyed it! Can’t wait for tomorrow!!!!
