Writing Ramblings

a collection of poetry and thoughts from both real and fictional people. if you're easily offended then get out. i am not available for any hire or collaboration. i will not respond to any messages.

[writingramblings]

sorry for the lazy. i forget to tag "fiction" or "nonfiction" and I'm not going back to fix it.

have fun with your imagination.

[writingramblings]

I feel like humans were perfectly crafted to take horrible advantage of.

My authentic self is just waiting for me to die at this point.

I understand now.

What's scary is I don't know if death will help anything.

What if I'm supposed to die a certain way?

Live a certain way?

I feel like I'm failing at all of it.

[writingramblings]

I have conversations with animals.

They are very patient beings. Their will is impressive.

I haven't always respected them. Haven't always respected myself.

But after some time with them out in the wild in nature, outside as they are, it just seems to me.. that.. I shouldn't be hated for living. So I shouldn't hate others for living.

It's just that I want things better. I want us all to suffer less and be able to celebrate more.

What I want isn't so bad.

But when I didn't get it, and I received so much pain, and just it became almost all I could worry about because it feels like I should, like noticing a tiger in the room, what else could I do? I said what I said. I meant it. So I don't feel it's worth apologizing for something that was meant to be said. But I can at least say that I don't want to stay like that.

I don't want to give up on us just cause we aren't perfection.

We're messy, imperfect, but we're deserving of better.

I am just tired of watching the struggle and thinking of "how admirable". My soul hurts from watching.

I want to stop their struggle, make it better, that's all.

And when I found I couldn't do that, I just wanted to become nothing.

Because I don't think I bear to live an eternity like this. Hope will only last so long despite how I feel when I speak with the animals.

My soul is not boundless and everlasting just because it is a soul.

I don't need infinity to matter.

And I don't need to win to matter.

At the very least, I am a winner for realizing all that I do. Even my pain is part of my reward. It is worth knowing the truth.

[writingramblings]

The Wild: That which is bigger than you is stronger than you. Size matters. It matters not what you believe and the quality of your spirit. Your spirit is in a physical form that can be bound, assaulted, and even eaten. Maybe you don't even have a spirit. Maybe this is all you are, and you suffer just to die and feed this Earth.

[writingramblings]

Enemies of my soul in 2026, America

Lawyers: I'm here to make you feel like you have "rights" and tell you what they are. They change depending on who I am talking to, and what my boss tells me. Freedom and your rights are a concept to us. Disposable and changeable at our will, not yours. We lied to you about your representation, educated you in self-harm and stupidity. We don't care. But.. it's nothing personal. Just doing.. my job.

Mental Health Care Associations: I am here on behalf of your abusers. Please tell me how you feel. They won't be in to see me, but you their victim will. We love to hear how we made you feel. And we will tell you how to cope with it while not fixing any of the problems that will continue to make more victims. Don't forget to breathe!

Teachers: I'm here to teach you what I have been taught to teach you. No new ideas allowed. We offer forms to fill out that we will ignore, aside from using against you in any way possible. Not that we need forms for that. We can make up whatever bullshit we want. Now quit being intelligent, do this homework, and be perfect. We only want the few elites (what WE consider to be elite) to be overworked, not a balanced society.

Boss: I literally do not see you as a person. But I'll call you "family" cause the term "family-owned business" sounds good for the money. You'll wonder how and why I have so much more money than you when you do basically all the work for me. I'll lie and talk about how BUSY I am meeting with people and keeping this all afloat. Of course I'll be able to own my house and travel and buy beer and coffee as I see fit and you.. will not. You'll be grateful for every little penny I give you, and do everything I tell you because you're terrified of losing this job. You call yourself an employee. I call you disposable and easily replaceable. There's a reason why we make so many of you so stupid. You're like pawns on a chessboard, except none of you ever level up. But we put out false stories of that to just get your hopes up. It's funny and entertaining. Am I supposed to care? Take it up with .. what do they call it.. oh, HUMAN RESOURCES heheheheh! You dumb bitch. Man or woman, you're still my bitch. Bitch to the dollar and bitch to my authority. The police even got my back. Your little hopes of fighting evil are sold to you in fairy tales where they'll always stay. Gotta be born into what's good. There is no climbing ladders. I am the ladder.

Priest: I have been taught to teach you how to give up your ability to think for yourself. Believe in this book, obey it. Like you must obey signs out in the world, obey this text. Worship it like it matters more than you, because it says to, and because I agree with it and use words to describe myself that mean "good and correct" so it makes me so.

Parent: Please eat. Please keep surviving. You must be crazy if you want to die. You're supposed to want to eat. You're supposed to love it here and love me. You're supposed to be happy, and do what I did but better. This is the cycle and it's never supposed to stop cause this is life! Do you want it to get worse!? Where did I go wrong!? You're just defective, aren't you!?

The Wild: That which is bigger than you is stronger than you. Size matters. It matters not what you believe and the quality of your spirit. Your spirit is in a physical form that can be bound, assaulted, and even eaten. Maybe you don't even have a spirit. Maybe this is all you are, and you suffer just to die.

[writingramblings]

Parent: Please eat. Please keep surviving. You must be crazy if you want to die. You're supposed to want to eat. You're supposed to love it here and love me. You're supposed to be happy, and do what I did but better. This is the cycle and it's never supposed to stop cause this is life! Do you want it to get worse!? Where did I go wrong!? You're just defective, aren't you!?

[writingramblings]

Priest: I have been taught to teach you how to give up your ability to think for yourself. Believe in this book, obey it. Like you must obey signs out in the world, obey this text. Worship it like it matters more than you, because it says to, and because I agree with it and use words to describe myself that mean "good and correct" so it makes me so.

[writingramblings]

Boss: I literally do not see you as a person. But I'll call you "family" cause the term "family-owned business" sounds good for the money. You'll wonder how and why I have so much more money than you when you do basically all the work for me. I'll lie and talk about how BUSY I am meeting with people and keeping this all afloat. Of course I'll be able to own my house and travel and buy beer and coffee as I see fit and you.. will not. You'll be grateful for every little penny I give you, and do everything I tell you because you're terrified of losing this job. You call yourself an employee. I call you disposable and easily replaceable. There's a reason why we make so many of you so stupid. You're like pawns on a chessboard, except none of you ever level up. But we put out false stories of that to just get your hopes up. It's funny and entertaining. Am I supposed to care? Take it up with .. what do they call it.. oh, HUMAN RESOURCES heheheheh! You dumb bitch. Man or woman, you're still my bitch. Bitch to the dollar and bitch to my authority. The police even got my back. Your little hopes of fighting evil are sold to you in fairy tales where they'll always stay. Gotta be born into what's good. There is no climbing ladders. I am the ladder.

[writingramblings]

Teachers: I'm here to teach you what I have been taught to teach you. No new ideas allowed. We offer forms to fill out that we will ignore, aside from using against you in any way possible. Not that we need forms for that. We can make up whatever bullshit we want. Now quit being intelligent, do this homework, and be perfect. We only want the few elites to be overworked, not a balanced society.

[writingramblings]

Mental Health Care Associations: I am here on behalf of your abusers. Please tell me how you feel. They won't be in to see me, but you their victim will. We love to hear how we made you feel. And we will tell you how to cope with it while not fixing any of the problems that will continue to make more victims. Don't forget to breathe!

[writingramblings]

Lawyers: I'm here to make you feel like you have "rights" and tell you what they are. They change depending on who I am talking to, and what my boss tells me. Freedom and your rights are a concept to us. Disposable and changeable at our will, not yours. We lied to you about your representation, educated you in self-harm and stupidity. We don't care. But.. it's nothing personal. Just doing.. my job.

[writingramblings]

The fact that I'm being called crazy in technical bullshit terms by a retarded/corrupt mental health association that can't even get gender right says a lot about me and all this.

Then they slapped on "bipolar" for me being upset about it I guess.

Pfftttbbtbttt

In case you didn't know... gender IS determined by your sex organs. Penis = male (pronouns are he/him/their) Vagina = female (pronouns are her/she/their) Gender does NOT determine sexual attraction, interests, skills (other than sexual activities) nor personality!

So quit fucking trying to change yourself for the sake of a fucking stereotype. I get wanting to be a dude if you're fearful of being pregnant but you can't change it! You just get sterilized when/if you can and cross your fingers or kill yourself. That's just logic in a fucked up situation and I am not even sorry for saying this. I already had to think it through for just myself, so might as well be fucking honest about it.

[writingramblings]

"Would you love me if I was a worm?"

What... no. How would i even know it was you? No. You'd just be a worm. Worms are gross.

[writingramblings]

If we have to be stupid kids to give a fuck about each other then what is the point of growing up!?

We just grow up into people who hate one another?

We just HAVE to have stupid little people to validate anything!? But then they grow up to become hateful shits too!?

It'd be hell to be a kid forever but growing up is fucked up too!

[writingramblings]

You start to think that I just wanted to show off, that I was just doing it to be bitter.

But the truth is that I just wanted to be me. And to be seen for the most authentic version of me would have been an elated feeling.

Instead... you have to settle for a failure version of me.

It wasn't about impressing others.

It was just about being me, and everyone bearing witness to it. They didn't have to like it, and obviously didn't.

I don't think there's anything wrong with killing my enemies, either. It's so natural.

[writingramblings]

You take too much pride in a form that is no good for you.

Your idea of beauty disgusts me.

Screw all your dresses, hair pins, and rouge.

You just look like a treat for the monsters.

[writingramblings]

I smirked. Cruelly. "You are looking for someone who isn't here anymore."

I am the husk left behind. And I tend only to the affairs of this body as poorly as possible to scrape by until death.

The only hope I carry is turning into nothing once I die.

It's satisfying to see you all so disappointed in her gone.

And yet, it also burns me up. Do you just miss your little punching bag?

I feel stronger with every "no" I give to you people who ask for favors.

I'm not afraid of people telling me no either. The food can stop coming in, the medicine can stop coming. So long as I can die alone in the safety of my own home, I don't really care.