Lovely Disaster

Proud introvert

[writtenbylucy]

I dreamt

I walked into a field of dandelions

The fluffy kind

soft and delicate

Transparent

And fragile

Just like me…

A part of me wishes to vanish

Somewhere with the wind

Maybe not me

But just the fragments of my life

That came crashing down

Last night I remembered the way you used to hold me when I cried

and you never resented me for it

For that

I will always be thankful

To have someone who will hold you when you’re in pain

Sometimes I wish I could wipe away those memories of my first love

But then there would be no growth

Now there’s a new chapter

A new life

With this life will come a love like I’ve never known before

A precious baby boy

I’m so excited to meet you

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

I loved you at your worst

Your absolute lowest of lows

But it was you

The one that made me laugh

And the one that made my heart smile

So I kept loving that version of you

In hopes that you would eventually come to

I don’t know what I was trying to prove

That I was there?

I’m still not sure…

All I know is

It’s hard to find that feeling again

Or maybe it’s just

The consequences of feeling it again

The thought is excruciating

- Lucy💚

[writtenbylucy]

Don’t doubt me

Or ask me if I love you too much

Say things like

“I hope so”

We are both so hurt

And trust is hard

I get it

I see you

And I know you see me too

And we both have our moments of doubt

Because we both put our hearts into people who mishandled them

Your heart is a precious gift

I cannot imagine to put in harms way

-Lucy💚

[writtenbylucy]

He had her name written somewhere in his heart

Hidden

Where no one could see

It wasn’t a secret that she tore him down

And redefined the word “love”, and turned it into pain

How could he forget?

His first love

Her name...

Escapes your mouth

As if she was waiting for the right moment to leave

How long did you keep her ghost held hostage?

Once upon a time her hand fit in yours perfectly, until it didn’t

And she disappeared into someone else

Left alone with only memories

Of soft I love you’s and sincere forevers

You were left to patch up your own heart

You thought she was the one

But she got away

“X” marks the spot where love first hurt you

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

And on it goes ⛵️

[writtenbylucy]

Even when I close my eyes

I hunger for that summer warmth

When the sun hits more than just the surface of your skin

It sinks down into your bones

And possibly your soul

I can even hear how loud a hearty breeze can be

The trees almost sound alive

Or even like a huge crowd

I just dreamt of taking a breath of warm summer air

And feeling relieved

Those are the moments when I honestly feel the most genuine joy

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

By the time you realize that

You royally fucked up

I won’t give a fuck about

a sincere apology anymore

I might even

Have forgotten you by then.

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

These blue eyes are mine

And I’m trying to hold onto them

- Lucy 💚

✨Eyes that smile without a mouth … how utterly bewitching ✨

[writtenbylucy]

I’ve been cut by the remnants of your broken pieces

I fear I may not know difference between a simple mistake in raw emotion

I don’t want to stand there and feel sorry for myself

because that feeling is too familiar

There are so many different ways to get your point across without letting your anger surface and making a mistake

My heart is too fragile

And I don’t want to feel these things again

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

How does a man

Fall into a trap and turn into

A ghost of himself?

Why is the concept of being a mortal ruin arise?

We are all the same…

Blood and bone

Heart beating

And thoughts put into motion

It shouldn’t be

That you are the same as me

Yet completely inharmonious

My thoughts focus on not hurting a fellow soul

Existing without greed or hatred

Being able to portray myself in genuine good morals

Specifically the ones that come from a just God

I have no issues admitting that I fell

I fell so hard that at times I’d fall asleep

And hope to never wake up again

At least not in this version of my existence

It is clear that I was better off alone

But I was raised to feel that two is better than one

And that might have a little bit of truth…

But choosing is a task all in itself

That takes wisdom

And patience

These things I didn’t have until later in life

When it was already too late

Which brings me to

Ruin…

I saw the shape of myself

In glowing red embers

Floating and falling down by my feet

And thought

“You are the same as me”

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

I don’t know why

but

dark memories find their way to the surface,

In Winter

Not that it’s not that dark anymore.

But it can be a bit unsettling

Most days I can get by without even thinking about it

And when I do

I’ll ignore it

But

Sometimes I’ll watch a scene in a movie that’s almost directly from my life

And then

I get glum

No one is built for pain

Both physical and emotional

The thing about physical pain is

That there is almost always a solution

But emotional pain takes work

And time to mend

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

The peace I’ve found

in your gentle blue eyes…

I’ll treasure that for all my days

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

I turned away from you

In a dream

Because I always seem to end up in places that you still remain

I’ve began to explore the world beyond my own thoughts

Behind my eyes

When darkness comes to life like a movie

I’ve grown weary of seeing your face

Even if I start feeling lonely

I know my sleeping subconscious

Will lead me back

To the one who loves me with his whole heart

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

I still have nightmares

That menacing evil

Lingers

It haunts me still

A strange woman’s face I was hoping to forget

Shows up clear behind my eyelids

I forgave the man that brought chaos to my peaceful heart

And burned many bridges that were built by loving hands

How I loved this person with all my soul

And how they betrayed me were on the same tier

I gave him life

When all he gave me was pain

If you had defended me the way you defended her…

That was all that I ever wanted

A man that would love and defend me

Being loyal to a good woman

And defend the years and the memories

The copious amounts of

The little things that make it all worthwhile

The bad times were just a stepping stone

To grow old with each other

Any enjoy each others company

I was so angry

But a part of me is thankful

Because if you hadn’t have been so terrible

I wouldn’t have known what it’s like to be loved and appreciated

Respected

Adored

Defended…

My heart has been rebuilt

And the old me is long gone

For the better

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

I don’t like this feeling

That feeling where you don’t feel understood

And the weight of it all is just unbearable

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

You have such striking blue eyes

They made me forget my initial thought

I remember it being immediately replaced by

The vivid colors reflecting off of your irises

I think I am speechless

I’m desperate to know the secrets behind that wavering light

The good

And the bad…

Let me help you carry the burdens that life throws in your direction

Your pain is mine

My heart will ache with yours and will always find ways to help mend it

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

That feeling

That I was never enough

Stayed

I was hoping to be the one

Who could seep into the cracks

And fill the empty spaces that haunted you

But

I was no such person

Merely

A weepy burden

- Lucy 💚

[writtenbylucy]

His love for her was a constant blue flame

It’s not there to abolish the darkness

But merely as a guide to not walk this life alone

- Lucy💚