This December has been a fucking train wreck. A few days before my birthday I got into a big fight with my mom. Yesterday, just a few days before Christmas, I get dumped by the girl to whom I had written a love letter to the night before. Yes I still gave her said letter. Poured my whole heart into it. If she wanted to end things, I might as well go out swinging with everything hanging out.
Bro I canāt take anything else happening or losing anyone else before NYE. Let this year go out silent and tired. Because thatās where itās left me many times. 2022 Iām ready bro. Because this has just been bull. First year Iāll be completely single and living abroad. Letās see what I get myself into šš
It's now 2025, the amount of life I've lived since I wrote this makes me laugh. 2022 was indeed and incredible year āØļø filled with so much love and adventure, but I was probably single for a week or 2 lol. Just a few short weeks into 2022 I started dating my now wife š«Ø I got to fall in love šš», I traveled with friends to New cities like Sevilla, Malta, Ibiza, and Gothenburg āļø , I was the maid of honor in Alyson's wedding š°š»āāļø, I was brave and came out to my mom š³ļøāš , I continued to cultivate a beautiful community here in Madrid and bonded deeper with Jessica, Ana, and Lizzie š and started feeling more like myself than I had ever felt before. 2022 was a blast, I laughed, I cried, I learned to communicate my feelings and set boundaries, and I grew so much.
It's been 3 years now since all of this happened. I've gone through many more metamorphosis. I'm 30 now, entering a new decade. I feel stronger and more confident than I have ever before. It's incredible to see how much I've grown and changed in the past 3 years, and to think I am ONLY 30. I am so young and have so much more life to live, lessons to learn, people to love, mistakes to make, places to see, moments to witness. From 25 to 30 life came at me fast and hard. I wasn't prepared at all for everything that was ganna come my way: moving to Madrid, experiencing a pandemic in a foreign country away from my family, getting a masters, accepting my queerness, falling in love, traveling, coming out to my family, advancing in my career, demanding respect, getting my heart broken, making a loving community and finding my chosen family, forgiving and reinviting friends from the past back into my life, exploring different forms of relationships, enjoying sex, redefining romantic relationships and figuring out what I want, advocating for that, relearning what boundaries are to me and how to put myself first, crying and crying and crying about everything, learning that it's okay to live one day at a time, one step at a time or 5 minutes at a time, slowly coming back to myself and standing in my power, starting therapy with someone I can see myself reflected in(a black, queer, nonbinary, non-monogamous person), getting married, and rebuilding my relationship with myself. I'm facing many hard decisions and I'm very nervous. But I trust that I will make the best decision with the information that I have in any given moment. And whatever may come, I am prepared to face it. I am happy and proud of the beautiful life I lead.
