Wronged Rose @wrongedrose-blog - Tumblr Blog

Braydn wrote a menu for dinner tonight then hung it on Daltan's easel #thiskid #whatsfordinner

Veggies for dinner! #yum #veggies #healthyeating #imtrying #oneweekin

#healthyeating #oneweekin #yum #veggies #imtrying

After a day of moving furniture and cleaning out my children's toys I am finally resting my er...feet. LOL #longday #rearranging #timetorest

#timetorest #longday #rearranging

Mike got a few of my books out of storage so I can start reading more regularly. Figured I'd start with this jewel. #readmorebooks #rogershattuck #forbiddenknowledge

#rogershattuck #readmorebooks #forbiddenknowledge

Ok so I'm gonna put this out there that I am not a fan of exercise. I'm the girl that will circle the parking lot a dozen times to find a spot close to the door. I hate walking places and I especially hate running. I've been saying for a while now that I was gonna start exercising but kept making excuses. Today I ran (ok mostly walked) the path through Lake Mingo. Now those of you familiar with Lake Mingo might say that it's not that far or a walk but for me it was huge accomplishment. Took roughly 20 minutes for me to make it around. So from now on every Thursday I'm going to work on getting my time on this path down. The rest of the time I'm going to start walking and running in my subdivision and maybe soon I'll feel comfortable enough with my running that I'll be ready to tackle other path! (at Lake Mingo Park)

This is what's wrong with today's society. Christianity is actually a rather new religion in the grand scheme of things. The fact that there are people who believe that all religions should be based off of the Christian bible is ludicrous and shows that our education system is failing.

It's not so fun anymore

Since February of last year I have been completely free of any and all stress that comes with working in a nursing home. I've had to learn to compromise in order to live on a smaller income. I thought I was happier. It was new and exciting. I met a lot of new people. Now I'm starting to wonder if it would just be better if I just dealt with the stress that comes with healthcare. I would be able to get my children the things they want rather than just what they need. My anxiety is all over the place. I constantly worry about if I'll be able to pay my bills the next month. My hours aren't as reliable as they were in healthcare. I won't be as happy but it would better provide for my kids. I've been back and forth on whether or not I should go back. This is going to drive me nuts.

Why so angry?

If you ever been so angry that you can keep from snapping at the first person you see but at the same time you wonder why you're so angry to begin with? Yeah that happens to me way more than I care to admit. Seems like lately it's happened a lot and the person who is receiving the majority of my bitchiness is my boyfriend. He's been putting up with it day and night recently and has never gotten angry with me. He has gotten grumpy with me but never angry. He's been my rock even when like I'm going to completely lose it. So if he's this good at dealing with me why do I get so angry? The things I get angry about always seem so trivial. Dishes didn't get washed. Trash wasn't taken out. House is a mess. None of these things are truly that important as long as kids are fed, the utilities are on, and my family is happy. Right? I believe that but yet I still can't stop getting as angry as I get. I want to be calmer. I want to be happier. I want to enjoy every moment of my life that I can. I believe that it's possible, so why do these things seem so out of reach? I'm tired of waking up each day with the worry of who I'm going to snap at next. I worry that my boyfriend will have had enough. I worry my children will hate me. And I wonder each day if I'll ever be lucky enouh to enjoy my life without worry or fear of when my next bout of anger might surface. The only relief and comfort I can give myself is that my children always seem happy. I've also noticed a change in myself in which I am at least able to stay calm longer than I used to be able to after whatever incident made me angry to begin with. There's even been times in which I've even been able to talk about it and diffuse the situation before I got too angry. I honestly hate this part of myself. I joined tumblr because a friend thought I'd like it. I didn't really understand the concept really. But now I've decided that this will be my outlet. I feel ashamed when I tallk about some of these deep dark feelings. I feel as though I can't talk to anyone. On here I don't have to talk with anyone. He'll I'd be surprised if someone actually read this. But maybe, just maybe one of my post might reach someone who is dealing with the same issues. If nothing else it may make that person feel better there's someone else out there feeling the same way.

Ever get that feeling?

You know the feeling. Even without consciously know ing it you know the feeling. The feeling of emptiness. The feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that everything that's wrong is your fault. Yeah you know, that feeling. That feeling has been eating me alive today. It started at work. Since I don't actually have followers I won't bother boring any random person who happens upon this with the details. After a disagreement at work that feeling started pouring in to me like never before. Was this my fault? I'm sure it is. What have I done wrong this time? Everything I'm sure. Will I lose my job for this? Probably. These are only a few of the questions and answers that went through my head today. I hate days like today. I don't actually have any real friends. I have "friends" I see once or twice a year. I have work friends who I may go out with...but only if my boyfriend is there since they're really his friends. I have Facebook friends. But when it comes down to it. I have no friends. Today is a day I really just wish I had a friend to call and just talk to and get my emotions out. Are friends that hard to find or is it just me? I'm sure it's just me. Do I repulse people? Probably. Or do I just intentionally shut people out? Again probably. In so many ways I want to do nothing except lay down and let sleep take the pain in my heart and the thoughts from my head away but I know I'll just awake to the same pain and the same thoughts. Is it really so bad to just want a friend in a time when I feel just utterlly alone?