I was going to play Draw Something, but since either Facebook or the Internet connection here blows, I couldn’t show everyone my uber 1337 drawing skills, which are about as uber 1337 as a certain someone’s singing skills, but far less annoying and far more humorous.
My current screen name (AWPerative) has been my screen name since January 30, 2005. I don’t know why it has this magical staying power with me, but for those of you who are out of the loop, it’s a play on the word “operative”. I was perusing one of my favorite games on January 27th, 2005 (Counter-Strike: Source) and got banned for repeatedly killing people with the Arctic Warfare Police rifle (the AWP). The server admins gave me a 72 hour ban, which I immediately protested because servers are able to ban certain guns from being used (they had already banned the automatic sniper rifle, the SG550, from being used). So I told them in essence: why didn’t you ban the AWP from being used? (If I had used the SG550 I would have had numbers in my screen name, which I had scrapped from using in all my screen names when I was around 15 or 16.)
Not getting a response from them, I just went to play on other servers and struck up a new name: AWPerative. It symbolizes that I do everything in one shot and that I focus on getting the job done. For those who don’t play CS: Source, it’s one of the most abused weapons in the game, but when you’re on target with it, you’re pretty deadly. Since then, I’ve branched out into using other weapons, with mixed success. In fact, my skill with sub-machine guns have far surpassed my sniping skills, but that’s a whole different story.
The thing about screen names: they define who you are on the Internet. In fact, people can (dis)regard anything you say because of your screen name, which makes screen name selection vital. My first legitimate screen name was something out of Dragon Ball Z (MajinGohan666), but I also had the handicap of being 11 years old, so at least I have an excuse there.
I’m going to take some screen names I’ve seen on the Internet and analyze them. If I choose yours, don’t take it personally.
1. Electricbassguy
Straight and to the point: he’s a guy who plays electric bass. Plus points for not using numbers. However, those with minds less clean than the average could interpret this as Electric B. Ass Guy which could result in attacks on his sexuality. Sure, playing the electric bass isn’t as glamorous as being the lead guitarist or the lead vocals, but it seems that he enjoys being a guy who plays electric bass.
You’re a guy who likes playing the electric bass, but are too timid to make your move into being the proverbial lead vocals or lead guitar.
2. simcity2000champion
SimCity 2000 is still one of the hardest games out there despite being released almost 20 years ago. If you have an average IQ or lower, you will probably suck at SimCity 2000. Protip to society: play more SimCity 2000 so your IQ will go up. I have yet to see if this person is actually good at SimCity 2000, so let’s see if he proves his worth. (Ed, download SC2K so I can start wrecking face.)
You’re ambitious because SimCity 2000 is a very difficult game to play and you say you’re the champion of it, which may hint at a bit of arrogance, but if you prove that you’re good at SimCity 2000 then I find no problem with this screen name.
3. Babycali
Plus points for no numbers. Minus points for having “baby” and “cali” in the same screen name and being male.
I thought the words “baby” and “cali” could only be in a 14 year old girl’s screen name; apparently I was proven very wrong. This person has the excuse of having his dad select his screen name, so we can all blame his dad for this. Thankfully he ditched it for something else.
That’s about it for actual screen names. Let me talk about types of screen names now.
Your real name
I don’t get why people use their real name as their screen name. I use my real name for this blog so that I can get my name out there, and Jose Alvarez is an extremely common name. I’ve been mistaken for people who don’t pay child support, drug lords, and petty criminals who rob liquor stores. You might as well just hand over the keys to your own house because thanks to the freedom of information, you can find out practically everything. As you people know, I have an Internet stalker, which I surprisingly don’t find creepy. I actually find it hilarious because he puts out so much information about himself out there. Upon a few workings of the Google machine, I found his phone number, address, how much he makes, the phone number of his mother, etc. It’s all out there for the entire public to see.
If you use your real name as your screen name, only use it if your real name is very common, like if your name is John Smith or something, so you can remain anonymous somewhat.
People with * and ~ in their screen name
Stars and tildes in your screen name? I’ll immediately assume that you are female. I last saw someone use stars and tildes in their screen name when I was 16, so I’ll also assume that you are in high school. Expect to be the target of 40 year old men on the Internet who haven’t interacted with a female in real life for years. If you are dumb enough to meet up with them, then expect to disappear, probably end up as one of the names on the Amber Alert system and probably be dead.
People with numbers in their screen name
Some people just say, “I’m too unoriginal to come up with my own screen name, so I’ll just add a bunch of numbers to a screen name someone already has! I’m now (insert screen name taken by someone else here)4155!” I’ll admit, I used to add numbers to my screen name, but it was because I was 11 years old and still on AOL Dial-Up.
Some people use their birth year or some other significant number on their screen name, which is semi-acceptable in my book; but in other cases it isn’t. I actually saw a guy in a chat room whose number on his name actually signified the number of times he attempted suicide (11). He wasn’t exactly a charmer, either, and he’s probably dead too.
People with Japanese words in their screen name
As someone who used to schedule his entire day around Dragon Ball Z, I am also guilty of this, but I’ll use the “I was 11” excuse. I once saw 8 people in an IRC Chat Room (IRC = Internet Relay Chat) with “Chibi” in their screen name (Chibi is Japanese for short person or small child). Are you really being unique if 7 other people in the same chat room have the word “Chibi” in their screen name? Also, why do you want to be known as a short person or a small child?
I’ve also seen “Kawaii” (cute) and “Neko” (cat) brutally butchered to death over the years; thankfully it somewhat vanished, that or either I moved to places where people don’t use these things in their screen names. I don’t visit anime or manga-based web sites that much, with very few exceptions.
People who use puns in their screen names
My own screen name is a pun, so this is actually kind of cool if used properly. When used improperly, it could mean that the entire Internet community can laugh at you just because the pun just isn’t funny. People who ask for my email in real life actually think my name stands for A. W. Perative, which makes me want to kick them in the face sometimes.
The best pun-based screen name I’ve ever seen is actually not my own; it was actually this guy I saw on Modern Warfare 3 named Pwnographer (a pun on “own” and “porn”). So in essence (s)he said (s)he owned porn and is owning people while videotaping it, a really complex pun if you ask me.
Non sequitur screen names
If you like being random (not So Random!, the Disney show), then you probably made a non sequitur screen name. For the less educated, “non sequitur” literally means “it does not follow” as in “it makes no sense”. So either you make no sense or you like being random. Some random screen names I’ve seen: “CrunchySocks” and “ChocolateTomatoes”.
The “I’ll hold down a letter in my screen name” screen name
I know several people who do this, and to me it means you fell asleep while making your screen name or you want to give off this vibe that you want people to echo your screen name. You are also probably a teenager if you have a screen name like this.
And that’s all I can probably say about screen names right now; there’s probably a lot I haven’t touched on, but I’m pressed for time right now.
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