BeardsNShit

where i write everything you need to know and nothing else matters,

[wwbyd-blog]

Jealous boyfriends

Oh yes now I finally have a logical rant where I can put you fag bags on blast. Nothing makes my asshole cringe more when I talk to a girl to joke around and she has to “cover up the tracks” so to speak. I feel genuinely bad for that girl because she cant live life to its fullest without getting into an arguement because Jeff from highschool gave you a “;)”.

Guys act like such premadonnas because of this. If your girl is loyal to you why become jealous and a gustapo little cunt? There shouldn’t be shit to worry about. The fact is I lost a lot of my girlfriends to the jealous boyfriend because god forbid they spoke their mind about something. Its even worse because chances are that jealous boyfriend is a controlling boyfriend.

Talk about the Captain of all Cunts. Telling a girl what she can and cant do, who she can and cant see. I forgot we live in Nazi germany in 1942. You girls act like such push overs to it though, man the fuck up and say something instead of letting that sack of shit control you which leads to the whole “mental abuse” bullshit.

I have seen some jealous boyfriends and they are such whiney little bitches. I might as well buy them huggie diapers and a pacifier because they are such little babies about every little thing their girlfriend does. I was never a controlling or jealous boyfriend if you wanted to go out and do shit by all means go ahead, I want to be left alone to my inactive porn subscriptions.

Remember cock smokers if you cant make your girl happy then someone else will, like me. Eat a dick.

[wwbyd-blog]

3rd wheel problems

there is nothing i hate more than being a 3rd wheel. What 3rd wheel means is when you are with your friend and his girlfriend and you are by yourself. Its really annoying if i am playing a game or dicking around and i turn around to fucko and tits mcgee dry humping like homecoming dates. PDA ( or public display of affection) is so fucking annoying to witness when you are by yourself. It makes me want to punch someone in the throat because it makes me feel pathetic and my lobedo drops tremendously.

I don't have girlfriends its a new face almost every week so its pretty shitty when i am by myself and i get the question harmonized by 2 dick wads asking me "what happened to that chick." I say that she died and move on with my life. 3rd wheel is like the backward ass cock block from hell, its like watching softcore porn in real life. I am not going to lie i am such a cock when it comes to that shit, i will cock block worse than your grandmother walking in on you finger banging your yet to be girlfriend that eventually gets mental scars from what happened.

Don't call me to hang out then i have to sit in the corner of regret and disappointment because i couldn't get a date at that very moment. How would you like it if i just spread eagle on your couch and fuck some random chick while you have family over for dinner? That's how it feels when you do that do me.

[wwbyd-blog]

Favorite Albums

i am going to do another turn away from my typical rants and how i am this sick fuck and turning to the stuff i listen to when i am in my "blue" phases.

Between the buried and me-  Colors (live)

This album is a combination of if Pink floyd the wall had sex with progressive metal and between the buried and me was the retarded flipper baby. This album just flows perfectly together which each song and they all tell this never ending story. The instrumentals are spot on and it gives me chills from the intro of Foam born a all the way to White Walls. I have seen between the buried and me 5 times and colors live is the best time.

Skrillex- Scary monsters and nice sprites

This album is instrumentally perfect. A lot of people give dubstep a bad wrap and ill admit at first i wasn't into the whole "scene" until my friend adam got me into it. SMANS was the first album i actually listened to from start to finish on a car ride in the rain while i was high as fuck. It was the greatest time and my body was stimulated to the rhythm and just overall tempo of the album. I can put this on in long car rides and have the best drive of my life.

August burns red- constellations

August burns red is one of those bands i will have an undying love for. Even though they are a "christian" band i will never experience a band with such amazing stage presence as them. This album i can listen to over and over again and it gets me amped up and throw some fist. White Washed and Marianas trench are such well written songs that gives me chills throughout my body.

Chiodos- Bone Palace Ballet

This album right here, i can't even to explain the feels i get when i listen to it. It reminds me a lot of my one ex i had a lot of feelings for and when we broke up i listened to this every day and it made me feel so good. Craig owens kills it with his voice which he puts so much emotion into each and every song its exhilarating. I have seen Chiodos to many times to count and during their reunion show last august i saw them in Irving Plaza NYC and when they played their songs from Bone Palace i almost cried, it was too good.

Silverstein- Discovering the waterfront

Ah, good ol silverstein. This album was my fall back album, i absolutely loved how i can relate to almost every song because, its all about how you were never good enough to the one person that meant everything to you. This album got me through so much heart ache and countless hours of sleepless nights that i would sit down and sing too.

City and colur- sometimes

This holds a very very special place in my heart. Dallas Green best known for being the clean vocals for Alexisonfire started this band when Alexisonfire broke up and i started listening to city and colour last year when i was dating my ex. She lived in the mountains of New Jersey and i remember she picked me up from the train to drive to her house and this was the first thing i heard and i instantly fell in love with it. My first song i heard off this album was "in the water i am beautiful " and my heart was so warm when i heard it. All his lyrics i relate too because its how i felt during my relationship at the time that i loved someone so much and they didn't feel the same back.

My chemical Romance- Three cheers for sweet revenge

"You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance, and you don't know karate. Face it, your never gonna make it." This was the story of my life, a middleschool reject with no friends and only music by his side. This album came out at a perfect time right after my uncle passed away and my great grandmother bought it for me and the first song i heard was "Helena." I cried my first time hearing it. Three cheers for sweet revenge is an album that i will forever love and show my children one day, it is so powerful and Gerard way is such a fucking god with his lyrics it numbs my body. Plus they are from New jersey.

1. Brand New- Deja Entendu

This album, is my life, not the story, it is my life. Every lyric, every word, every verse is something about me. Every song title has significance in my life. I have cried, i have hated, i have loved to this album that has teared me apart in every way shape and form. The boy who blocked his own shot is my life in a nutshell, the one who got away, the one who didn't care.

[wwbyd-blog]

Hemorrhoids

so i had to write this blog because something happened to me today that pissed me off and i said that will be a good blog, stuff that makes my piss boil. We are going to be quick about this so lets get to the raunchy stuff.

1. The word "coupon", that word fucking engrages me there is something about it that makes me want to go into a hospital in the nursery wing and go on a baby punching tangiff. People say it like such pussy farts with either "kew-pin" or "kew-PAWN". It annoys the living fuck out of me when i hear that word and i want it to be ban and whoever says that word get sentence to mandingo party.

2. Ignorant people at ATM's, listen i fucking hate going into the bank unless it is a dire need of something, otherwise i use the ATM because i fucking hate dealing with people. The people i hate with a burning passion are people that just fucking take their sweet ass time. They have their back to you like they are jerking their dick off to their bank account that is in the negatives fondling around not even paying attention to what is happening to them. Men aren't so bad but, women with their pocket books, i should just get naked and stand behind them until they turn around and i dick smack them for being a fucking idiot.

3. The more than 10 items on a 10 items or less line. The people give me hemorrhoids, i use the express lane to get in and get the fuck out like a date raper. I hate it when i pick up my 2 things whether it be a milky way and some socks or some lube that i will use to hate fuck the person in front of me with 1,000 things of bullshit that they will probably fucking forget they have.

4. People who drive slow in the fast lane, now i was taught how to drive in the most densely populated state (NJ) and let me tell you, people in florida can't fucking drive to save their life. I have driven in rain, sleet, snow, hail, hurricanes you name it. People in florida see a drop of fucking rain and they act like its the second coming of christ. If you drive slow in the fast lane you deserve to get dragged out of your car and shot.

5.Parent's who put leashes on their kids. Now let me first off say i fucking hate children, they are annoying and piss on my parade real quickly. That doesn't mean they should be treated like fucking animals. When i see kids on leashes i am so tempted to buy their parents a shock collar cut the leash and hand the kid the button to taze the fuck out of their parents. Seriously fuck off.

6. Women, i don't think i need to add to that. but, fuck you.

[wwbyd-blog]

No homo, bromo.

everybody has those moments, where you completely bro it out after a party where you are shit faced and wake up the next morning next to your guy friend without any of that gay shit involved....anybody? Okay guess it was just me. I am the type of person that i am so comfortable with my sexuality that i am allowed to say gay shit and it doesn't bother me, its only weird if you make it weird. (I am straight by the way fuckers)

I can't tell you how many times i had people stay over my house when i had a party or something and i woke up and one of my guy friends are in my bed balls deep in my pillow or some shit. I have some nights i will never forget and i will gladly share them with you.

It was 2 years ago and it was in my moms apartment in Redbank NJ and one of my guy friends named Lambo, stayed over the house after a very successful night. We were hanging out in my room at the time and the heat wasn't working and he was originally sleeping on my floor...which was hard wood..so imagine how cold that shit was, while i am laying comfortable on my bed sound asleep. Little did i know a few minutes later this shit bird woke me up and told me he wasn't sleeping on the floor and he was going to get in bed with me. I did not object and i went straight back to sleep waking up several hours later to me with my arm over him. Fuck my life right?

Now before i get into this story, i am a very particular sleeper, i have to have a fan on at ALL times, it can be hot as Africa out or cold like Antarctica i will need a fan to sleep. I can't have a TV on it must be pitch black and there can't be any noise whatsoever, yeah i am a real pain in the ass. One of my friends was staying at my house which was at my grandmas, and i had 2 beds in my room ontop of a lighthouse banner that wrapped around my room with baby blue painted walls (it was previously one of my little cousins blow me fuckers) and we slept on our respected beds and let me tell you, if you snore really fucking loud, i will beat you to death with a pillow and that's how this friend learned every 5 minutes i hit them with a pillow and told them to shut the fuck up.

Another moment i literally had a sausage fest in my room, the same grandmas room. I had 6 people in this small ass room with no places to sleep. I had 3 dudes on my bed 2 guys on the floor and 1 guy on the separate bed, needless to say it was a super fun time.

[wwbyd-blog]

titties

what can i say? i am a sucker for titties. Get the pun? Like how Baseball is Americas past time, motorboating boobs are mine. Different people have different preferences like asses or....feet? which neither of them are as much as Tits are for me. Fuck dunkin donuts and their slogan of "everybody runs on dunkin" because truth is everybody runs on tits, metaphorically speaking unless you're into that type of thing and if you are, please get off my blog you sick fuck.

I haven't had girlfriends who had double d's or anything i am a very low maintenance type of person. anything with a handful suits me well even a little bit more. Big titties are just, why, why have big tits, we all know you are stupid but, why point out the obvious anymore. Big tits= dumb broads. Before you say "well i graduated blah blah blah" yeah i am sure those milk duds had nothing to do with it along with your felacio services.

Seriously with boobs there is nothing better then using them as pillows, fuck temperpedic shit, tits are where its at and they are free...unless you are sad and lonely and have to pay for certain services but, i guess that is cool too.

I feel like girls with the best tits are gingers believe it or not. They may not have souls but, damn they got some nice ol boobs. My ex was a ginger and she had some of the best tit for tat i have seen. girls that are gingers, i salute you.

[wwbyd-blog]

Getting over your ex

now, this is going to be really hard to try to talk to the females because, frankly its mostly your fault, but, i am going to write this because it will help you out in the end and me out because god forbid another shitty boy band comes into play and i hear nothing but break up songs. Anyways i have been through hell and back with break ups that killed me inside to 1,2 fuck type break ups that didn't bother me at all. Good news though, i have some steps to get you through that "crying while eating ice cream at 12 am while watching re-runs of roseann."

1. Get the fuck over it

seriously, why are you rehashing on a break up? yeah, you may of have good times you may of had bad times the problem is, they are too busy not caring about you and probably fucking someone else while you sit home and piss and moan all day. It's not going to do you any good. There are plenty of fish in the sea or whatever romantic bullshit you have heard, but, the fact is don't let one spoiled apple ruin the bunch. She's a cunt, deal with it.

2. "the great white buffalo"

just like in hot tub time machine there will always be the "great white buffalo" or the one that got away. It happens, things don't work out or you both fucking sucked at having a relationship. The fact of the matter is the longer you keep her in your heart or him...for the females out there... the longer you will live in this depressing boring as fuck life style where you make me want to slap the shit out of you.

3. Get back on the saddle

The best way to cure a broken heart is break someone elses heart..i mean don't do that, what i mean is explore your options. Don't try to find a rebound relationship that will just result in sex...i mean that is nice and everything but, god forbid you get feelings again and get fucked over. Talk about irony right? Truth is start talking to people get to know more than one person the best expression is "don't put all your eggs into one basket" literally and metaphorically because that would suck if your rebound is your baby mama.

4. Rebuild confidence

Truth is you will lose a lot of confidence...me on the other hand i don't because i don't give a fuck but, with you, you're an exception. You can't think negative and think that she was the only person that ever mattered in your sad relationship life. When you have confidence its like if you have a big dick, girls will want to jump on that shit without hesitation. Remember, good confidence= big dick.

5. "treat hoes like queens, treat queens like hoes"

That was a quote my father gave me after my first break up. I learned to abide by it because its the truth. Relationships are hard to come by now a days because, well, fuck you get friendzoned. The key is think with your dick not with your heart, but, find a happy middle or you will come off as a pervert, if you are too nice you come off as a desperate weirdo. Truth is girls like a challenge they like a "bad boy" if you will, so maybe in your previous relationship you were either way to fucking nice or way to wanting to get the V card. the fact is you need to learn and test your skills to figure out what women want...good fucking luck pal.

6. Enjoy life

don't be a pussy and sit inside all day and not have any ambition to do anything. Go outside, participate in life and have fun. Shit happens in life and if you cave in at every speed bump in life, you are going to have a real shitty life. You need to learn how to let situations go and take it day by day, don't rush things or else you will have to repeat all these steps again and well, you will be a fucking idiot.

[wwbyd-blog]

Florida.

Alec baldwin couldnt of said it better, florida is like the United States Australia. Only criminals and fuck ups live there. The fact is i am a city boy, i grew up 30 minutes from New York City in a town called Middletown New Jersey. I decided to move to Florida because of work purposes and how the economy was. I immediately regretted that decision when my first…lovely sight was this overly fat person was riding a wheel chair in the middle of the road. I swallowed my pride and silently moped while thinking “what the fuck did i get myself into?”

Florida is a majestic place, its like going to a strip club for the first time, you hear all this good stuff about it and when you get there you are just disappointed with the results. You know its bad when 90% of Floridas female population between the ages of 18-25 are either, pregnant or had a kid, have a tramp stamp, or like black dudes.

Now before how i hear how i am racist, I’m not, I’m honest. I grew up in white suburbia and had probably 2 black friends and it was rare to see a white girl put her interest on a black guy. Results vary but, you end up pregnant with financial problems or he runs away. 50/50 scenario if you will.

I met alot of people in Florida and most people have been cool in my age group…besides the females. Talk about a crock of bullshit. I swear if i hear one more “damaged goods” story i will smoke bath salts and eat someones face off…oh by the way that happened in Miami.

Talking to females in Florida is kind of like being a judge in the special olympics. You know what you are getting yourself into, nothing should come as a surpise but, theres always that one that stands out. Standing out meaning that they dont have a kid or a c section scar. I digress either way. My experience thus far is like throwing a baby in the amazon with nothing but a fork and telling it to kill a bear. Needless to say i am out of my element.

[wwbyd-blog]

Dating sites and you

Everybody has done it, they get bored they get lonely and find themselves up at 12 am browsing the internet to realize that, jerking off isn't cutting it so you sign up for a dating site to see how big of a loser or pussy magnet you can be. Little did you know when you are browsing around the profile of fat middle aged women that haven't seen dick since the Clinton Era you stumble upon a somewhat attractive girl, you read the profile and have the same taste and likes and each other. Then i come in and slap you in the fucking face because guess what, its an illusion. Yes, you two may have the same likes the same nitty gritty as one another but, the fact of the matter is, its too good to be true.

Do you honestly think that a smoking hot girl will make a dating profile because she can't find that hot beef injection for her diet? fuck no, she makes that to see how much game she has so it boost's her confidence up. You are feeding the fire of disappointment and lonely nights of regret to come due to the fact dating sites don't work, as much as you like it to work it won't. You can type whatever you want to the girl you are interested in make a date and then when it comes time to meet you guys just stand there like awkward twats wondering what the fuck you were doing there in the first place. Truth is, nothing is better than the first encounter of face to face. Technology puts a lot of miscommunication and a lot of confusion into relationships even friendships for that matter because when you compliment someone they think you want to give them the D to their A and C on their F. Dating websites may seem like a getaway from real life rejection but, nothing is worse than being rejected and the girl hasn't even spoken to you.