My Thesis on Crossdressing and Femininity
This is going to be my response to a message I received through an anonymous submitter.
“I often see pretty CDs who say on their profiles they are straight, zero interest in men, often have a supportive wife or gf, etc. It doesn’t add up. Why would a straight guy put in the time & effort to look great, assume the aura and persona of a beautiful & desirable woman, then totally deny the sexual attraction part? Is is truly all about the illusion, playing the role, and nothing else? Example: you are a lovely CD who would easily pass for an attractive woman.
At a club or party, you notice a man watching you. Handsome guy, he’s not leering or being a jerk. Maybe he reads you as CD, maybe not, but he likes what he sees and he approaches you. How do you react? Is it just a compliment to your crossdressing skill? Do you privately laugh? (Buddy, if you only knew…) Are you flattered? Is it a turn-on? And if you’re turned on, is it a general feeling, or do you feel pretty and desired the way a woman would feel? See where I’m going with this?
I’m not saying you would follow through on it. I suppose most crossdressers would not (it would be a huge step to take). Still, it’s hard for me to believe that a guy would try so hard to be beautiful, feminine, sexy, alluring, and NOT respond at all when a man reacts with genuine sexual and romantic interest. It just seems like a denial of what the x-dressed lady is trying to accomplish. Anyway, I was curious and though I’d ask (never asked a CD this before). Your thoughts? Thanks!”
I’m going to address each point, one by one.
“It doesn’t add up. Why would a straight guy put in the time & effort to look great, assume the aura and persona of a beautiful & desirable woman, then totally deny the sexual attraction part?” I don’t know if the phrasing was intentional or not, but that’s a loaded question. Crossdressers like myself aren’t “denying” anything because there’s nothing there to deny in the first place. This question is based on the assumption that the only reason women enjoy being feminine/pretty is because they want to look good for a man. This is NOT true! Women enjoy looking good for a variety of reasons. Main one being self esteem. Another is that they’re just comfortable being pretty. I know that some women are comfortable regardless of how they look and that’s fine, but some women actually LIKE to do makeup and LIKE to wear dresses and high heels. To them it’s not a drudgery like it is for other women. To them it’s actually fun! And they will do those things whether or not a man is going to see them, because that’s not who they’re doing it for.
“Is is truly all about the illusion, playing the role, and nothing else?”
I do it for many reasons. I primarily dress for creative expression. I LOVE putting together cute outfits and modeling them. Women’s fashion just has an infinitely greater diversity than men’s fashion. It’s the difference between painting in black and white and painting with every color imaginable.
Also, I like classy, elegant, feminine women. And unfortunately there aren’t that many women, and even fewer crossdressers, who dress that way. I like sensible high heels, knee length skirts, fitted button down blouses, and dresses that cover up most of your body. Other than fashion magazines, you rarely get to see women dressed in these types of clothes. That’s why I dress the way I do. I do it for me. I dress in a way I would enjoy seeing other people.
That’s not to say that some women don’t dress because they’re seeking attention from others, but that isn't the case for me, nor should it be assumed to be the status quo. As you may have seen from my pictures I don’t do any nudity, nor do I expose myself other than the occasional reveal of the stocking tops. Do I think my pictures have the potential to be sexually arousing? Yes, I believe so. I’ve been told that on many occasions, but that’s not what I’m setting out to do (at least not with the majority of my work.) I have taken more risque pictures, but again, they don’t show anything you wouldn’t see in a department store catalog.
Also, from reading about others and my own experience, crossdressers tend discover their desire for feminine clothing at a young age, before any sort of sexuality is developed. I started when I was really young, maybe 6-7 years old and I just loved the way my mother’s pantyhose felt against my legs. I didn’t know why I liked it, nor did I think about anyone else but myself when playing with my mom’s high heels. I just knew it felt good in a non-sexual way.
“At a club or party, you notice a man watching you. Handsome guy, he’s not leering or being a jerk. Maybe he reads you as CD, maybe not, but he likes what he sees and he approaches you. How do you react? Is it just a compliment to your crossdressing skill? Do you privately laugh? (Buddy, if you only knew…) Are you flattered? Is it a turn-on? And if you’re turned on, is it a general feeling, or do you feel pretty and desired the way a woman would feel?”
It all depends on the approach. For example, here are two messages I’ve received.
Bad - “youve got me rock hard and raging right now. Id love to take you to bed.”
Good - “Though I’m sure you hear it all the time, I wanted to tell you that you look stunning in your pictures. You have a killer smile and a real sense of elegance that you don’t see often in the real world, much less Reddit. Keep it up.”
If you get down to the core of each message, each person is saying that they think I’m attractive. I get the former type quite often, which I tend to simply look over. But the latter is a genuinely nice message which I really enjoy getting and it makes me feel great when I do! That’s the kind of message I would take the time to reply to.
To answer your question. I would be flattered, but it would not be a turn on. Again, because I’m not really attracted to men. If it was woman on the other hand, I think it would be a turn on. I also think anyone wants to feel attractive and desired, man or woman. It is a double-edged sword though. I think it’s easier to become attractive as a woman; I’m a testament to this since I’m a guy. But this also tends to have the negative effect of tying a woman’s value as a person to her appearance.
What I’ve learned from crossdressing is that most of what we consider beautiful and feminine is a facade. I no longer say someone “is pretty”, but rather they “look pretty” because it is just a temporary state that you shift in and out of. Looking “pretty” is a mask. It’s something you put on and take off each day. It’s not something that you are. As I’m typing this now I’m sitting here in my basketball shorts, hoodie, scratching my two-day old stubble, so I am as far from “pretty” as anyone can be. Yet, I know that if I shave all of my facial and body hair, put on some makeup, a wig, and some cute clothes all of a sudden people think I’m “pretty”. I think it’s unfortunate that many people prescribe to the notion that being pretty is some inherent trait like intelligence, kindness, humor, or character. It puts a lot of undue and unfair pressure on women to focus on their appearance when they could be focusing on things that truly matter.
“Still, it’s hard for me to believe that a guy would try so hard to be beautiful, feminine, sexy, alluring, and NOT respond at all when a man reacts with genuine sexual and romantic interest.”
I think that is based on the wrong assumption that “femininity = desire to have sex with men”. It’s simply NOT true! Although I will admit there is a subculture of crossdressing whose practitioners call themselves “sissies” the object of which does align with your assumptions, it’s not representative of crossdressing or femininity as a whole. I think Eddie Izzard is a great crossdressing role model and sums it up well by describing himself as “a lesbian in a man’s body”. I mean, if you would approach me when I look female would you approach me when I’m male? I’m the same person, the only thing that changes is how I look. Any changes attributed to your reaction would be for superficial reasons. Just because I get dressed up doesn’t mean I become a different person. I know that some people might see the female persona of a crossdresser as a separate person, but it’s not. Wherever I go and whatever I do, as male or female, my thoughts are the same.
Before I started posting pictures of myself I knew the word “objectification” but I didn’t know what it meant. I don’t think most men ever find out what it’s like to be treated that way. I become not a person with feelings and desires of my own, but an object to fulfill a man’s sexual desires. I am a means to an end. Their goal is to get off and if they can’t convince me to help them reach that goal they’ll move on to the next “girl.“
I know quite a few people who started out crossdressing and found you they were transgender. I know that’s not the case for me because I wouldn’t want to endure the hardships that come with the territory of being a woman.
Women have to work twice as hard to get half as far. Men will ignore you if you don’t look good enough and if you do look pretty they will dismiss you and say anything you achieved was because of your appearance.
The questions the submitter posed were, in my opinion, based on the assumption that a woman wants to look pretty only because she wants to get the attention of a man. And I think it’s a very harmful assumption. Women aren’t defined by their relation to men. A woman does not exist solely to be a love interest. She is her own person and if a man ever gets to be with her, it is because she allowed it.
”It just seems like a denial of what the x-dressed lady is trying to accomplish.“
What do you think we’re trying to accomplish? I dress up for me. I don’t seek attention from men. If someone says “you look pretty”, sure that’s nice. But whether or not anyone says it I’m still going to dress up because I have an innate desire to do so, which is not affected by what anyone says or does.
If there’s anything I’m trying to accomplish it is to spread my belief that crossdressing needs to be less trashy more classy.
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