Dysinformation @wysewun03 - Tumblr Blog

Planning the Future

I thought Law School would help me find some happiness I had been missing for years. I find happiness through challenge and it seemed like a challenge. In so many ways it was humbling and a wonderful experience. I get no joy from it though. The practice of law doesn’t excite me and I want to be excited about life. I realized early on that the life I thought I wanted in law was not the life I actually wanted. Without that to motivate me (talking about corporate law and obscene amounts of money) I didn’t know why I was there. So eventually I was just there to finish and to tie a noose around my neck financially. Sure there are ways to pay it back based on income but it is still a pretty big pill to swallow. All I really want is to do something in entertainment and teach. Maybe environmental law but entertainment and teaching is what I really want. I hear everyday that I should do voice over work or voice acting so why not take a shot at it? If nothing else I haven’t been afraid to take a shot. Teaching is something I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t want to do it because I was too afraid to go to law school. I’m more excited about those two ideas than anything I might possibly have lined up after the Bar Exam in 3 weeks. I’ve already paid for the the exam so I’m going to take it. The part of me that likes a challenge wants to conquer the exam but I don’t know if I will practice law after this. We’ll see. I’m still young, no kids and yes I have a lot of debt (all student loans) but I can get a job doing lots of things to pay those while I pursue other things. Let’s just let life happen.

It's Hard to Leap

Fear is paralyzing. That's I feel right now: paralyzed. Unable to do what it is I want. I've always been risk averse when it comes to personal relationships. I don't trust easily (or really at all) and I don't let go easily. I have no problem making friends, but even when I know I can have better ones I will hold on the old ones. You never know when you may need them. It is completely utilitarian. I rarely risk my emotions. So here I am paralyzed at the prospect of putting my emotions on the line. I hate the uncertainty. I like to know the outcomes. Walking up to a girl in a bar isn't hard, I will never see her again. Walking up to someone you see all the time, have spent time with, enjoy each other's company and would generally just like to have around is much more difficult. Am I reading the signals wrong? Who knows. I didn't pursue her friendship looking for a backdoor relationship. This situation is far to similar to another that started an almost 4 year relationship. Doesn't mean it will have the same result. Eventually decisions will be made for me. If she is interested and I say nothing she will cast me aside. If she isn't interested and I say something it will ruin our friendship. If she isn't interested and I say nothing we can continue on the path safely. Maybe playing it safe is an issue. Maybe I need to add some risk to my life; take a chance. What I know is her presence makes me happy. Thinking about her makes me happy. So what am I willing to risk for a shot at happiness?

I Never Tell You How I Feel

I always choke on my pride

#six word story #poetry

The final year of your life I was angry with you. Disappointed might be the more accurate word. I saw all the dreams I had for you going out of the window. The future I saw for you had a shadow cast upon it by a growing belly. I knew things could never be as I'd hoped. What was the use of my example and my lectures if you were going to be that stupid? You never saw 18 and your daughter never knew you. You holding her wouldn't be real if there wasn't a picture to prove it. Gone two days later...stolen 4 days early. You were everything to me: a brother, a nephew, a son. Most of all you were a friend. I can barely remember your voice. I struggle to try to keep it in my mind. I think about you every day. Too long and I can't stop the tears. I miss you. I miss you so much. I spent the last year of your life mad at you and I can't get that year back. 8 years and I haven't been the same person since. I never in your life said the words "I love you." I'm not big on words. I'm not big on emotions. I hope you knew through my actions. I never understood why my father says it so much. He tells me at least once every few days. I understood it the day you died. And I understand it more every day I allow myself to think about you for more than five minutes.

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wysewun03

Too perfect

I Can't Breathe

I can't breathe. How can I breathe When there is less oxygen supplied for me? When I am confined to this prison you have provided me? When I have the start of Civil Rights one generation behind me, The expectation of appreciation on either side of me, And the feeling of hopelessness in front of me? No, I can't breathe In a world where I am taught I have to work twice as hard to be noticed But have to work equally as hard to be unseen for fear that I will be shot Down for the threat of the ability to spread my wings

No, I can't breathe You are choking the life out of me. So I wear the mask of a smile on my colorless face that time and Conditioning has taught me to wear so long that I don't know who I truly am. Until I was made in your image and not that of the men that sired me.

No, I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!!! And damnit I'm tired of it. I'm just minding my business. Let me be.

#poem #poem a day #poem of the day #poetry #Black Poets #furgeson #eric garner #i cant breathe

Walking Picasso

I'm not broken I'm just not configured The way you want me to be

#poem #poetry #haiku #haiku of the day

Loving Me/Frustrating Endeavour

The combination you look for Does not exist I let no one in

#haiku a day #haiku of the day #haiku poem #poem of the day #poem #poetry

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wysewun03

yum!!!!

Changing of Seasons

To me Fall is the most beautiful season. The colors are incredible, the temperature is perfect (in my region of the U.S.) and the smell gives me life. But Fall is about death and loss. Many religions embrace death and loss as beautiful and Fall is a great représentation of that. As the season changes I am reminded of loss; particularly friends. Friends, like all people, leave you for various reasons. I have lost them to: vanity, senseless violence, death, selfishness, pride or without explanation. This season I am losing another; or should I say the immediacy of another. This shrinking world has friends moving farther apart. So as my friend moves 3000 miles away (Portland?) I find the need to find another friend to fill a void. Though the friendship has not ended, without the physical representation of the friend the feeling of loss is the same. And a friendship that shone in Summer feels as if it has passed into Autumn leaving me in the Winter planting seeds hoping for life to return in Spring where the seeds planted have sprouted and new friendships have grown. It is an arduous process; back-breaking work. But this void is only physical, and friendships are anything but exclusively physical. Having a new body in its place does not give you the same satisfaction. You can't replace Fall with Winter. You may enjoy both seasons, but there is something special about Fall, that is why you chose it as your favorite. I will miss my friend but I will hold on to our friendship. 3000 miles in this world is five hours. I won't let five hours steal anything from me.

#personal rant #friends #friendship

Imitation of Me

Would you believe The man behind this smile Never learned to be happy?

#Haiku attempt #haiku of the day #poem #poem of the day #poetry

Baptism by Fire

When I rose from the ashes you were more concerned with the fact that I was so easily set ablaze than the fact that I was strong enough to survive the flames.

#prose poetry #poetry #poem of the day