A machine better oiled than me; I'll never know what it's like to be haphazard and broken and so goddamn beautiful that everyone looks away. Kim Kibum. Ethics.
(/chuckles a bit as he walks away because what did he think he just solve really? She walks over and sets Lena down on the floor in HoSook’s room. letting them there before turning around and walking out of the room after Kibum) what was that? I didn’t really think it’d bother you that much. I wonder what will be worse than this. what else could make you react like that if she because obsessed with it?
(/walks over to him, getting closer and looking up at his face with a smug smile because stepping back and deciding she had enough teasing him. Plus, she wouldn’t want to push him too much on his fears because he’d certainly try to get her back and HoSook had seen her in fear once. thunder wasn’t her favorite but she wasn’t going to say it or let him find out.) how was work?
(/pretends to think for a moment, but really, there's no way in hell he's going to tell her about the few things he fears, lest she start leaving them around the house or something like that. one hits him hard and he turns a little, tossing his shirt in the hamper in the corner) I'm scared of losing you. (/honest as he says this, shrugs a little) I'm scared of losing the girls. (/pulls a t-shirt from its space in the drawer and pulls it over his head in one swift moment, eyes flickering down to his gloves before he looks back at hyosung)
(/the question sorta throws him off guard and he laughs freely, never really expecting such a question to be thrown his way) It was...good, I guess. I'd much rather be here though. (/grins) Better views. (/lets his eyes trail down hyosung before snapping back up to her eyes with a little eyebrow wiggle)
(/rolls her eyes and stares after him for a second before taking Lena’s hand and pulling her out of the room, giving her time to take her little steps, picks her up when they reach the stairs because aint nobody got time to wait for a toddler to go up the stairs) Honey, (/calls out before walking over and standing in Hosook’s doorway) You know that she’s going to get over it right? I mean she does this all the time.
(/stops talking and lets him talk to sookie, watching as she tells him about the clowns and how they throw pies then point at the faint traces of lipstick still on her face before saying she’s a clown too)
(/pointedly ignores hyosung because gdi, she's going to get over this right now. he listens to sookie, taking her reasoning into account so he can figure out the best way to turn it against her. he thinks for a few seconds as she continues to ramble on about clowns before pulling his phone out and opening up the netflix app, searching through it quietly while hosook makes animated hand motions to prove her point)
(/he presses play and hands her the cartoon x-men) Here. (/he stands back up, eyes carefully watching her to make sure she isn't going to throw the phone or do something awful with it like draw a clown on the back, but she seems content to watch the show. he smiles in satisfaction before turning and giving hyosung a smirk that basically translate into a very loose 'i told you so' before kissing lena on the forehead and slipping out of the room, content on stripping away his work clothes)
It was alright (/she says, stepping into their room, knowing he’d probably go in there and sit or lay down to rest for a moment) Lena doesn’t cause to much trouble as you know and Hosook…well, she didn’t find a clown exactly (/bites her lip for a moment) i really hope you weren’t serious about being afraid of clowns. you know how she sometimes becomes a bit obsessed with something for a while and then she’ll move on? she likes clowns now (/sets Lena down and holds her up for a moment while she caught her balance then let go, the girl was getting better at doing stuff on her own but Hyosung still kept an eye on her)
(/stares for a few seconds and then starts shaking his head wordlessly) No. (/keeps shaking his head and refusing to elaborate. instead he starts making his way upstairs, intent on finding hosook and figuring out some way to shift her obsession to something more normal) There is no way in hell our kids will be obsessed with clowns. (/mutters under his breath, turning right at the top of the steps and stepping into hosooks room. there are clowns all over the walls of the room. he swallows and fights back the idea that he's literally just walked into hell)
Hey Sookie~ (/plops on the floor, sprawling out across it until he's looking at the picture she's drawing on her art board) What's that? (/step 1: lure the enemy in step 2: brainwash the enemy step 3: go for ice cream)
(/takes the tube of lipstick away from Hosook once more and sets it on the dresser. If only she had a normal child who wasn’t currently obsessed with clowns and didn’t insist on using her lipstick as face paint. she grabs a napkin and wipes Hosook’s cheeks before tickling her and setting her on the bed before grabbing Lena and smiling at her) Ah, you’re much calmer than Sookie, I think I wont tickle you (/she started singing to the girls and suddenly they joined in-hosook forming words better than Lena but still both of them singing)
(/the sound of sound of keys got to her ears but not the girls who continued singing, at least until they heard Kibum yell that he was home in English. Hyosung knew what it meant, she’d heard it before and it was a simple phrase. Hosook ran out of the room and towards Kibum and Hyosung followed with Lena in her arms. She walked over to Kibum and shook her head before pecking his lips and responding back in english) you are…stupid (/she settled on the word because she found it difficult to find the word for ‘corny’) I’m glad you’re back though
(/switches to korean when hyosung struggles with her english. it's cute in a way, and he's more than slightly tempted to continue on in english just to watch her get mad about it, instead he leans in and kisses her on the cheek) I'm glad to be back. (/smiles softly, looks down at hosook who has managed to wrap her entire body around his left leg and then up at lena, thumb in her mouth, head tucked into the space between hyosungs chin and her collarbone) Busy day, huh? (/removes hosook from his leg and watches as she sprints off to her room, screaming something about a clown she found. he looks back at hyosung) ....She didn't really find a clown, right? I'm afraid of clowns.
(/loosens his tie before turning the car off. the street is virtually empty- he's probably the only one who comes home at seven in this neighborhood- but it stirs a feeling inside him that he doesn't quite understand. the house lights are on and from his position in the car, he can HoSooks bike lying next to the bushes. this is third time this week she's forgotten to put it away. he smiles a little, getting out of the car and making his way up the door, keys in hand)
(/it smells like burnt cookies and kibum shrugs his jacket off, hanging it in the closet and toeing his shoes off in the general direction of the shoe basket. somewhere in the distance he hears the sound of singing- from all three of the other people living in the house and he's struck with a moment of corniness) Honey~ I'm home! (/shouts in english, padding towards the end of the hallway in his work socks, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows)
(/grins, actually proud of herself for knowing something he didn’t) I can bake! I can cook too (/she looks at HoSook, setting her back down on the floor and nodding in agreement, almost turning to go pack until Kibum gets closer. she smiles and nods very slightly against his forehead, keeping their distance the same) yeah, I know (/she keeps her smile-arguably getting wider as she thinks about it. she actually does know that he loves her whether she hears it often or not but it’s when she hears it like this, spontaneously, that it makes her the most happy) I’m aware….we also have somewhere to be so..I’ll go pack. (/leans in, pressing her lips to his very briefly before stepping back) come help me.
(/nods slightly at her request, following her easily with a slight smile on her face. slowly, much too slowly, the anxiety starts to ease up, pulling away from his heart, letting go of his stomach, but keeping a moderately firm grip on his mind. he throws a glance back at the girls to ensure that they aren't doing anything that could be frowned upon and continues on his path behind hyosung when they aren't. he doesn't have any more words to say so he simply follows behind quietly, eyes flickering from her back to the walls they're saying goodbye to. he's come a long way in order to appreciate just how much even the walls mean to him. this is home, right? part of it anyway)
(/nods a bit and smiles back, it doesn’t even look like he’s hurting but then again what does she know?) Yea, I mean, I told you as much as I love this place…being somewhere without you is pointless (/shrugs and frowns) it sucks that I wont get to say good bye. Minnie will catch up to me someday though-she always does (/smiles at Kibum as to not being his mood down, this is what he wants and in turn what she wants. plus, she gets to learn new things-not that she’d agree that the prospect makes her happy) You know english? what don’t you know?
(/pushes away the little self doubting thoughts that are circling his brain. they're dangerous and painful and useless. they won't change his mind- nothing will, but they're incessant. what about his students? what about his office? what about junsu?) I don't know how to bake anything. (/smirks a little) I made brownies once, but they tasted like syrup. (/shrugs) Didn't think it really counted. (/grins a little, eyes flickering to lena and hosook before they settle on hyosung again) You should start packing. We'll have to go soon. (/steps towards her, pulling her close before she has a chance to walk away. he rests his forehead against hers and doesn't say anything for a few seconds) You know I love you, right? (/softly, murmured into the space between them. he doesn't open his eyes to see her face- doesn't need to. he can already see her reaction painted on the back of his eyelids long before he finishes the question)
(/maybe he should have been prepared for this, but he wasn’t and he didn’t think he ever would. He really can’t see himself without Kibum. It’s like he’s losing a piece of himself right at that precise moment, and it hurts like it’s being pulled out of him. Flashes of their first meeting - that stupid illusion with the ghosts all over the school and the first time he knocked on his door to bring him coffee. The first conversations, the lack of honorifics, the fact that they were one and the same, the day they found Lena, the conversations about Hyosung, their night together, their tradition to watch movies on his couch… It was all coming back now even if he didn’t want it to) I’m gonna miss you, prick-face.
(/once again he's hit with the urge to unpack all his things and drive over there. maybe they'll cry, maybe junsu will hit him, maybe they'll laugh about it. maybe it'll never happen because the tickets are hot in his pockets and time is running out. the second to last thing he wants is to be late- leaving junsu takes the place of first and he doesn't have enough will power to try to change that) ... (/swallows thickly and forces himself into a sitting position, breathing out softly and hoping it isn't entirely audible) The feeling's mutual. (/his voice is muddled anyway, working around a lump in his throat that makes him feel like he's choking. maybe he is. he chuckles a little, the action half-assed and painful. it's never been harder to fake an emotion) A few oceans are nothing. I'll probably see you all the time anyway. (/lying can be good sometimes, he knows, and this is a sometime)
(/sighs again, this time doesn’t mind the fact that the other probably heard it and hums again, not able to say a single word. The timing is awful and he knows he can’t leave right now. He will eventually, but just not today) I can’t… (/nearly whispers) Besides, that’s one family portrait i’m not supposed to be a part of… (/swallows the lump on his throat, nearly choking but controls himself) I’ll see what I’ll do… there’s someone I need to talk too… whether i’m staying or leaving, I’ll decide later. I’ll be here for now. At least for another day.
(/falls back on the bed, running hand through his hair roughly. this shouldn't be so fucking painful, this shouldn't be so hard to do. they're friends, they'll stay friends, that won't change despite the oceans between them so why does this hurt so much? this is what he chose for himself) Yea. Yea I know. (/and he does. he understands, he gets it, but that doesn't stop it from hurting any less) ....This isn't the end. You know that right? (/wipes his eyes again because his eyes are dangerously close to letting more tears fall and that's absolutely pathetic)
(/nods and looks up at him) yea, I told you. Wherever you go, I’m going with you (/turns to Hosook and picks her up) I guess I’ll have to start packing…you can talk while we’re there though, I don’t know english (/smiles and nods to herself) we’ll be ok there. America is nice
(/smiles a little because she's taking this better than he thought she would and that's fantastic. better than he was hoping for) I can teach you. (/grins a little and tries to forget about how much it hurts to go, how much he wants to rip the tickets up and watch a movie with hyosung leaning on his shoulder and the girls shrieking in laughter. he also wants to come home for a business job to a 3-bedroom house with a garage full of toys and bikes and anything but his car) I'm glad you agree.
(/holds his cigarette between his lips carefully, zipping up the one suitcase he's bringing with him. it's more of a backpack than anything else-he's never been one for material bullshit. it holds mostly clothes for lena but there are a few of his things inside as well. the scrapbook junsu gave him for christmas, the coffee mug hyosung bought him, the gloves ryeowook stitched together. a picture of cassie, wrinkled around the edges but just as beautiful as it's ever been)
(/she doesn't reply and kibum doesn't expect her to, instead crossing the room and lifting her into his arms carefully. he flicks the light off, making his way to the door of his room quietly. lena doesn't say anything, curling her fingers in his hair like she always does)
(/the rooms are bare, carpets lined with vacuum marks. his eyes flicker around a little, remembering slowly the things he thought wouldn't matter but suddenly do)
Appa couldn't sleep his first night here. (/adjusts his bag on his shoulders, closing the door to his quarters behind him. he remembers his first night, when he couldn't get the key in the door. he remembers coming out in the mornings and coming face to face with the old music teacher, jinki. he remembers having hyosung pressed against him on the frame, spouting off about how great they'd be. he didn't believe her then) The bed was too thin.
(/lena lays her head on his chest, lulled by the sway of his walk. it doesn't take long to get to his office, the room bare save for his desk and the chairs the students use)
(/he smiles sadly, eyes tracing over the chalkboard before running over his desk. he remembers kim heechul, the boy with too many questions and too little understanding of the real world. kibum wonders if bejing is as great as heechul thought)
(/the desk looks at lot like the desk in bradley moores room. they're probably the same copy. he wonders if anyone will catch the other. he wonders if it even matters anymore. he should be angry, he knows it, but he just can't be. not now. not after he's let go)
(/there's a little notch on the wood and he remembers that clearly. jung yubin, psychology, a big mouth and an even bigger ego. he thinks of the godchild he has waiting for him somewhere and wonders if he's allowed to visit. if yunho will have brazilian coffee and yubin will tease him for being so uptight and maybe donghae will be there too, grinning lazily at the children. they'll be surprised by lena, but warm too)
(/he turns his back, walking towards the exit quietly. he can't tell if lena's asleep, but she isn't saying anything so he doesn't bother her. the cafeteria is empty, void of students. for a brief moment he sees a milk bottle rolling across the tiles and a pair of wide eyes staring up at him as he hands it over. secretly, he hopes ryeowook found his prince charming. he thinks of the countless students he's spoken to. did they ever find what they were looking for? is min still afraid of the dark? did jihye ever learn how to talk to authority? is yongguk still hiding from reality? he knows he won't ever know these answers but still, he can't help but wonder)
(/lena is asleep, he finds out as he tucks her into her seat, pushing his backpack in the empty seat beside hers. she snuggles into her jacket as he closes the door and he smiles slightly)
(/he looks back at the school for a few seconds, enormous and welcoming and everything kibum had needed before. when he was broken and bleeding and hurt so badly he thought he'd never be okay again. that's the past. he's still broken and bleeding but now there are people to help him walk, to change his bandages. the school was a great place to get his thoughts in order, but it isn't where he belongs. he knows that now)
(/after a few seconds he gets in the car, pushing the handle into drive and pressing his foot to the pedal. the ride isn't slow but it feels long, hyosungs apartment feeling farther and farther away the longer he drives. he knows the airport will be even farther) )
(/a soft voice pipes up in the back seat, a mumbled "appa" but an "appa" nonetheless) Yea? (/she motions with one hand, the other stuck firmly to her mouth, lips around a thumb. it takes him a few seconds to understand what she's saying but when he does he smiles, eyes crinkling around the edges)
Hyosung didn’t feel sorry for bringing it up. Of course, she didn’t. She couldn’t feel anything but his answer was so short that she knew he didn’t want to talk about it. Even so, she had questions. Questions that she had from the start that he hasn’t answered yet-that he promised to answer.
With a slightly glance towards the room to make sure that HoSook wasn’t awake, she took a deep breath and asked something else-something he wasn’t sure he’d react well to.
“You know, you promised me you’d tell me about them. You said it was a story for a later time and ..it’s been months.” she asked it quietly as if she was scared but she wasn’t, just cautious.Surely he’d make something or say he didn’t want to tell her or say later. Hyosung was sure he didn’t want to talk about it but she still had that nagging question, that need to know more about him.
There was only one person in the whole world that had managed to catch Hyosung’s interest like that before. One other person that had made her care about their story like she cared about her own and they were gone. She wanted to know because she she did-and Hyosung always gets what she wants.
“You know a lot about me, I tell you even if its bad.” she added quietly. Vaguely she wondered if Kibum didn’t want to tell her so that he wouldn’t remember. What didn’t he want to remember though? the events? his old self or his old wife? Maybe he missed her- that thought made her slightly uncomfortable so, she shook it away and turned back to him hoping his answer wouldn’t be for her to stop asking.
It isn't that Kibum is afraid of telling Hyosung but he isn't entirely sure he wants her to know. He doesn't think she'll be afraid of him, he doesn't think she'll think less of him for what he's done, but there are things Kibum wants to keep to himself forever. His past is one of them.
He sighs softly, leaning back carefully on the couch and letting Lena snuggle into his chest despite the sting it causes him to do so. She's asleep within seconds.
"I don't know where to start," he says softly, smiling humorlessly.
The beginning? That feels so long ago. The end? Too bloody. There isn't a specific point that he feels comfortable talking about. He doesn't know what to cut out and what to leave in, what to forget and what to remember.
"They started up a program, in the west, when mutants began fighting for their rights," he starts, running a hand down Lenas back absently. "The program was created to fight back in the event mutants where to... Attempt overthrowing the government."
Kibum chuckles softly. It sounds ridiculous now that he's away from it all.
"They altered the genetic codes themselves, created a way to take out the genes of a human and rearrange them into those of a mutant. They needed kids to do that." He says softly and then glances over at her, waiting for the recognition to spark in her eyes, for realization to cross over her features.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you. But this story is sad and wrong and very, very bloody and I don't like telling it." He explains quietly, keeping his eyes locked onto her.
Ah— /chuckles somewhat dryly at his response/ I suppose when you put it that way. Hate is a strong word. Denotes some kind of attachment, or importance really. That’s the worst part of hate. Letting someone else control a part of you. Don’t you think? Everything that comes with hate. The way even your body reacts to seeing that person or thing or group… It’s a rather strong effect. Seems a shame to waste it on anyone. /isn’t really the best person to speak of hate when she holds so much herself or at least did— her attempts to rid herself of it weren’t as solid as she wished but they existed. that wasn’t something, wasn’t it?/ but anyway—do you really hate them? I doubt it. What is your opinion of them if you don’t hate them? You seem more of the neutral type, or the pretending to be neutral because vocalizing any damn opinion seems to get you trapped in type of drama or conflict in this society. To be honest, I would probably be the last option if there weren’t other… circumstances in this world. /can’t help but smirk a little because her circumstances are far from normal but that’s the point of the ongoing “war,” that mutants were not normal and it just wouldn’t die down/ I guess payment is a good reason. If money is an issue. Do you have limitations when it comes to that? /quirks a brow, not necessarily going where it seems like she is with that question but she lets the assumption linger in the question/
You have a lot of questions. (/its not that he particularly minds this, or that he's afraid of answering, but it does make him slightly suspicious) I hope you realize that I met you two hours ago. I'm not obligated to answer any of this. (/smirks a little. it isn't a threat, it isn't a warning, nor is it self-assurance. kibum is pointing out the facts because sometimes, that's just what he does best) Is it really hate if you give it to everyone equally? (/shrugs) At that point, it's just normal. (/looks back at her carefully) Money isn't an issue. (/smiles slightly, the action neither warm or comforting. if anything it's holding a trace of what he used to be-what he can be again if he really wanted. that was a long time ago, he reminds himself, and chuckles softly) I don't have limitations. Never have. (/shrugs) It's never been about the money. It's about what's easiest for me. (/tilts his head slightly) But what about you? Obviously we've got opposite opinions. (/smirks) Care to share?
Was that it? Did he actually believe every lie that came out of her mouth? She thought of herself as a decent actress, but not to the point where a person who was linked to shady activities thought she was telling the truth.
And there was something about that. Something in the way he murmured his sentence before emphasizing on the last word. Was the teacher turning her so paranoid that Sunny couldn’t believe his words?
“I… I guess that’s okay?” she said tentatively. “I thought of trying out the Headmaster’s Danger Room, Close Combat and Advanced Combat. I didn’t even think of taking academic classes yet, though I should.”
“Excuse me sir? It was really rude of me not to ask in the first place, but what exactly do you teach? I’m afraid I don’t remember from the top of my head.”
Kibum nods simply as he listens, eyes trained on her in a noncommittal fashion. He isn't trying to intimidate or reassure, just pay attention and that's a little easier when his eyes are on her and not somewhere completely unrelated.
"Ethics," he replies smoothly, sitting his coffee down beside him and bracing his hands on the table lazily. "You should take it as an academic course."
Honestly, Kibum couldn't care less what classes she takes. He still doesn't believe she's apart of the institution anyway, but if she is, he'd like to be able to keep his eye on her. Despite the fact that he takes teaching very seriously, he has no qualms in using it to get what he wants.
"It's a useful subject. Especially right now."
He shifts his eyes up to her-just to see if she'll react in the way he thinks she will, to see if she knows what he's talking about.
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