do kyungsoo. 18. insect manipulation. student at rain's institute for gifted youngsters. dorm room 50. "You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake…You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that." - Warsan Shire.
And everything had made sense after that. It hurt and it stung and Chanyeol stayed up countless nights planning his escape back to Kyungsoo, but at least it made sense.
he had half the heart to block out chanyeol's voice, pull his hand from the other's grasp, turn around and just run away. let this all be just a dream, a dream gone wrong. it wouldn't even be a memory, memories were hard to erase, they stuck to you like a scar, always there. no, this simply was a bad dream that he could vaporize.
denial though could only last for so long.
the internal scars were burning as he heard "soo" pass chanyeol's lips. it was what played on and on like a broken record in the rare good dreams he would have, the ones where he wanted to never wake up from. try as he might, it was impossible to let certain things go - memories, the good dreams; but what of the person?
"it's too late, you're too late."
if you love me, why'd you leave me?
all i wanted, all i needed, was just somebody.
all too soon, the apology he had dreamed of hearing, had spent days and nights crafting in his mind, in hopes that it would happen tomorrow; or maybe next week, next month it'll happen for sure. it's been a year, two now... before the cold realisation that maybe it isn't going to happen, that it won't happen. kyungsoo had come to terms with that.
however, after finally hearing it, he was faltering already. it would be so easy to forgive chanyeol and pick up from where they left off. the hurt though, reminded him why he shouldn't. he was stubborn about this, he deserved to be so.
instead of looking at chanyeol, he turned away, "you left me, no that doesn't sound right. you abandoned me. simply left without a trace and i tried, i tried so hard to find you, i waited for you for so long."
Well, I’m here to stay. (/Ryeowook assured the other with a soft smile and slight nod.) I remember when I was your age, I remember going out with my mom late at night to practice Wind magic, she always knew what was best. And I’m sure your mother knows what she is doing to. (/Ryeowook played with the fog, making it form shapes in the murky waters, and had people gather ‘round to watch closely.) I learned at a young age to manipulate Fog and Mist in general, but I soon learned more skills later as my Mom placed me under the tutelage of my Grandmother, a lovely woman. And once I was done under her training, I was able to move back. But, things weren’t picture perfect for my family after I returned. It wasn’t ourselves, but instead external and other forces. So I decided to move, across the sea, to the Institute. Many people said it was a safehaven for our kind. (/As the dirty fog formed a large pirate ship, Ryeowook made it shoot canon balls at the people, only to explode in a large display of mist upon contact.) Others said i had the potential to learn my Grandmother’s art, Nigromancy, but i heard she almost lost everything to that forsaken skill. So that’s the main reason I left, if that helps? But other then that, tell me about your self or better yet, your powers Kyungsoo.
(/nods in agreement, his parents were the only constant in his life and he trusted them with all his heart) mother's are just gifted with good instincts. (/raises his eyebrow) wind magic? (/goes to watch his professor manipulate the fog and mist, it left one feeling surreal and mystified, already a small crowd was gathering to appreciate the show; softly mumbles) wow (/he closes his mouth though and looks down, thoughts going back to his own power - people never awe'd at my power). (/listens carefully to the professor's story, it was really interesting, it seemed as though he had gone through so much already, such an accomplished mutant, admirable really) that's really great sir. your family sound like very knowledgeable mutants, that must have been fun. (/blinks) me? (/purses his lips, thinking for a moment, unlike his professor, kyungsoo led a simple life - ) i manipulate insects, it's nothing fancy but i appreciate my powers. the insects are my friends (/he knows it sounds weird, it was the truth though). other than that... uhm, i'm an only child? and yeah, i can be a loner sometimes but i do enjoy good company. (/he spots a butterfly not to far away from them and calls it over, letting it flutter around his professor before landing on his hand) i should really think of doing better things with my power, shouldn't i?
storming into his room, he slammed the door shut and began to furiously pace within the small confinement of his room, a scowl permanently embedded on his face.
do kyungsoo was not happy.
do kyungsoo felt very violated.
do kyungsoo was still in disbelief.
do kyungsoo ... just had his first kiss.
now, do kyungsoo is a romantic by heart but he was realistic. he hadn't expected his first kiss to be something of a grand affair with fireworks, butterflies and everything cliche that fairytales had going on. he imagined it to be simple actually, but what was important was that it was special.
because it would be with someone special.
that was all he wanted really.
the way he saw it was, after one passed a certain age, to have never been kissed was ... kinda pathetic. he considered himself to be in that category. what eighteen year old guy had never been kissed or kissed someone? it was unheard of these days. teenagers now were popping their cherries by the age of sixteen or (insert cringe face) younger. and here he was, his lips still a virgin.
but not anymore, groans into his hands as he finally sits on the edge of his bed.
god, he never wanted much but damn it, why did things have to happen like that? was it too much to have his first kiss with someone he genuinely liked? to have it returned by someone who liked him too?
apparently it was. What was worst was that he didn't even know who his assaulter was (yes, physically forcing oneself onto another was assault - that was what his mind was telling him). the guy just came and went as if he just tapped kyungsoo on the shoulder with a, "hello, nice to meet you." it might have meant nothing for him, but it was something for Kyungsoo.
by this point, his mind was a mess.
a big jumble of was that what it feels like to kiss? what did i do? why me? who was he? does this matter? should i find him? punch him? forget it.
sighing, he knew there wasn't much he could do anymore. what was done was done and ... it was just a kiss. so he crawls up into his bed and just lies there for a moment, clearing his thoughts, leaving him with his sour mood, displeased at being denied what he wanted and maybe cursing the high heavens a bit.
but what to do ... that was that. buries his head in his pillow and forces sleep to come, too fed up with thinking about this anymore.
(/taps the young man's shoulder.) Hey, name's Simon. (/cups his face before the other can recuperate and kisses his plump lips. Pulls away as he starts to get a little to frisky with the barely legal man.) I'm not one for words, here's my number. Have a nice day cutie. (/winks and walks away.)
Hel - (/is not even sure what’s happening before wow, are those lips on his lips?!? - blank - and then it was over).
(/is still very shell-shocked and stares blankly at the man walking away, his fists tighten around the paper with the assaulter’s number, scrunches it and throws it to the ground; he’s not one to curse, rarely even gets angry but - ) fucking hell (/turns around forever in a bad mood for the rest of the day because -
just 1 minute ago, do kyungsoo had never been kissed).
“This this was high school is like?” Sora replied, looking around. “It must have been awful. I never went,” Sora said, her mind starting to drift elsewhere. He seemed upset by this, by labels and clichés. He didn’t seem to like to be cast as an outsider at this school. Sora felt bad that he was being subjected to it. He seemed like a sweet boy, albeit a bit shy. She could imagine what would make all these fellow student treat him in such a manner. He didn’t deserve it.
That was it? Kyungsoo for a second had imagined worst. That maybe she was the daughter of a mafia or was a ‘plastic’ was it? He couldn’t remember the term that was used in a movie he watched on the tv, Mean Girls if he wasn’t mistaken. As far as he was concerned, this was a school for mutants. “I’m not worried about it,” he answered honestly. “This is a school for mutants, not everyone has a grasp on their powers. We’re all here to learn to be better mutants, right?”
He was curious though, “What’s your power by the way?”
It’s not you, it’s me. ”I don’t really fancy being liked for making someone else look bad, especially if it’s not true,” as far as first impressions went, they had nothing against Sora. Unlike them, she was here, talking to him, getting to know him, rather than buzzing around in the corner of hallways talking about people.
Something that did catch his eye though was her smile. It was a harsh reminder of his own self, a smile practiced and trained, one of acceptance. She probably had had enough and decided it wasn’t worth the bother. At least, that was how he went on about it.
“If you’re on the right side high school can be fun, I never really was on either side. I was -“ staring into the middle of the hall as his classmates danced and laughed, watched from the back bench the soccer team play, wait by the door as auditions for the school choir team wrapped up, study in the library alone;
” - just there. A few hiccups along the way, some nice moments too but… yeah.” He offers a smile, he didn’t want to bring the mood down for them. This wasn’t the time nor day.
“Is this your first school? How long have you been here?” He surely hoped this wasn’t how her entire schooling life was like. Everyone deserved better, she deserved better.
/even inside the dimmed lighted kitchen he could see kyungsoo’s warm stare and expectant eyes waiting for his answer and luhan couldn’t simply avoid smiling and pinching his cheeks or hell just taking care of him because he was so adorable like that/ you know i’m going to protect you. you just have to call my name and I’ll be there…just like that song, you know? /winks playfully at him and steals a slice of tomato from one of the sandwiches and thinks again that things would be easier if he was there as a student but damn it wasn’t time yet to talk about that, kyungsoo didn’t deserve to hear him complaining again about his stupid father/ tell me, is there anyone treating you bad? you let me know mister and I will take care of them. you know, you could send some of your friends to bug them right? i mean, literally bug them. /feels kinda proud for his own usage of words even though the thought creeps him out - not a big fan of insects/ h-h-hey! don’t do this! /tries to escape from the poking and lets go of his hands, walking to the other side of the counter, crossing his arms and pouting/ luhan hyung dislikes your poking him and I’m not skinny, I’m just the modelesque type. /flaunts himself a little, trying to sound serious, but ends up just laughing, quite louder for the environment they were in/ can I help you with something?
(/it was childish really, the fact that he needed such reassurances, but he needed them still, despite how close they seemed right now, this was all still fairly new, he had someone he could call hyung) actually, i don’t know. (/feigns ignorance) what song hyung? sing it to me (/continues on his act). (/side eyes luhan hyung for stealing the slices of tomatoes, quickly he finishes up the sandwich; he doesn’t want to burden his hyung, it wasn’t a big deal really for kyungsoo, in other words: it was still at a tolerable level) no one’s treating me bad, everything’s just… like it was back home. (/which was true, so he wasn’t lying lying, just… not explaining much; turns around to face luhan hynug) better than back home in fact. (/snorts unintentionally, what a bad joke) i doubt that would solve things, they’d probably know it’s me. who else manipulates insects? (/shakes his head). (/stops the poking and finishes the sandwich) if you say so hyung (/places the sandwich on a plate, passing it to who it was made for in the first place with a smile) you’ve already helped me enough hyung, go on, eat up! (/gestures towards the sandwich). (/dusts the crumbs off the table and places his hands on the counter, mumbles) hyung, why aren’t you studying here? (/things would be much better if you were, he wanted to say).
Do you think you can make a difference in someone's life?
i’m not sure (/frowns). i doubt i can do anything - (/struggles to find the word) - uhm, impactful? but - (/thinks about himself and what he wants, it’s the simple things he craves for, world peace would be fantastic, giving him $1,000,000 would certainly make a difference too, but all he wants are just the small little things in life like companionship and family dinners) i hope i can make a difference to someone by opening my home (heart) to them.
i mean life’s hard as it is, the least i can do is simply listen, maybe give them something warm to eat or even give them a sincere smile? (/hesitatingly) would that be enough?
(/smiles to himself, he’s never really thought about that you know, i mean to him people are just attractive or not and even when they’re not, they can still be an ideal so long as they make you feel happy and give you butterflies; but he still needs to answer so he tries, it applied to both genders) a great smile, you know like the ones that just brighten up your day (/smiles himself). nice hair … long or short but wavy, thick. (/whispers) a nice back to backhug or broad shoulders to lean on.
real answer: (/shrugs) i - i eventually would i guess, i mean (/stares at you anon) why keep all this hate inside, it's easier to let go and forgive. but... i'll never forget. it'll always be there at the back of my mind, you know like a permanent scar.
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