I just need someone who can really understand the person I amā¦. and Itās not gonna happen. I know it to be true. Itās too much to expect anyone to handle. Itās unfair. but goddamn I wish it would. All I ever get is lied to and mislead thinking I can trust again, but that aināt true. I even think Iām getting lied to when that shit is true. Iām conflicted. I canāt control my thoughts. I canāt even hear your voices anymore. Theyāre getting cancelled out by the chaos inside my mind cuz Iām starting not to give a shit about whoās true to me anymore. Whoās still loyal? I think Iād rather just pull away from everyone so I donāt have to figure it out anymore. Iām consumed by stress and itās hidden behind smiles and natural finesse. Iām so tired yet no amount of sleep helps. People exhaust me to the point where Iāve become addicted to loneliness because of how peaceful it is. Iām tired of worrying about everyone knowing Iām not thought of until Iām neededā¦ or wantedā¦for somethingā¦ for anything. Iām losing my shit and no one knows it cuz I donāt get asked, so I donāt tell. Just let me fade away, ok? I know itās what is wanted. I ask too much. I know. I donāt ask for anything. I know that too.where the Fuck am I going with this? I donāt fuckin knowā¦. Iām lost just like you. My social life aināt perfect, I get played too. I probably get played more than you do. I probably still am. Iām not really sure if I give a Fuck by who. Not really sure if Iām capable of it. I am. Iām just tired of giving fucks away to people cuz theyāre never returned unless itās cuz they want something or a fantasy fulfilled it seems. Fuck it, Iām good with that. Iām good. Iām great. No I fuckin aināt. Itās OK. Iāll be OK. I AM ok. Fuck out my face, I need to meditate for a few years straight.
I feel this all the time man. Lonliness has become my one true friend.
