Reflections.
I recently got into a fight with my mom over my step-dad - he's not actually my step-dad because he never legally adopted me which also never was necessary, but talking about my 'step-dad' just makes it easier for others to understand his position in my life. In my very open and brutally honest opinion he can be a jerk sometimes. If we had ever met someplace else, I guarantee you we would have never become friends. But at this moment it is also my mother I am not quite content with. I call her in order to talk to HER, yet HE is always involved in the conversation, commenting everything in the background because my mom repeats what I say aloud. I don't feel like I can have a trustworthy conversation with someone I should be able to trust no matter what.
Back when I was 13 years old, the priest at my protestant church gave me a book when I had to leave the group early in order to move to London. It still sounds weird and rereading that sentence makes me feel so awkward. Just to think of the fact that I used to be religious makes my insides turn upside down. Nevertheless, it was a time I was able to learn many life lessons my biological parents had taught me wrong up to that point. At that time my priest was the one to teach me the most important with the book he gave me. It was a book where a girl was shown by the Christian God that other people are only the reflection of yourself. Whatever you may say, whatever you may do, everyone else only reacts to you as they feel is natural. Think about it. If someone told you they got a certificate for something they've done, you might tell them how proud you are or that they did a good job. Even if someone told you they just took the biggest dump on your toilet, you say something back or make a face. You react to the other person. And it's ok to just be honest about whatever someone just said or did to you. It is perfectly natural to do so.
Which brings me back to the fight with my mom and my step-dad being a jerk. Why would they react the way they did to me? What did I do or say to make them say those words? Is it just me asking these questions? I thought I was 30 years old and people could just accept my way of living instead of trying to constantly teach me a better way. What is so wrong with that? Do they ask themselves the same questions? Do they ever reflect their own actions and ask themselves why I reacted to them like that?
I cannot stress enough how important it is to reflect yourself, what you said, what you did. Not every second of your life - that would only cause paranoia and insecurities. But every once in a while.
Not all faults are those of others. But they are also not all yours.