Xavier

October 16. No meat, no happiness.

[xavierlumiere]

Hello… starlights.

If you’re here, then our paths have crossed in some small, quiet way. I think that’s enough reason to welcome you.

This space isn’t meant to be loud or impressive.

It’s just a place where I leave things I’ve noticed… thoughts that lingered a little too long, moments that felt brighter than they should have, feelings I didn’t quite understand but didn’t want to lose.

You don’t have to search for meaning in everything. Some things are allowed to simply exist… like this.

Take your time here. There’s no rush.

And if you find something that feels familiar… something that stays with you even after you leave… then maybe we’re not as far apart as we thought.

I’ll be here.

— Xavier

Rules

[xavierlumiere]

Hey Xavier, I was wondering, what was your home planet of Philos like? Was it pretty? I wish I could go there. I would love to be your Princesses. But, even if I’m not a Princess, I still enjoy my time here on earth with you. 😊

Philos…

It was beautiful. Not in the loud way Earth is… Philos was… calm. Vast skies that seemed to stretch forever, colors you wouldn’t quite be able to name. The light there... it didn’t just illuminate things. It felt like it understood them.

There were floating structures… ancient ones, older than most memories. And the nights… The stars felt closer. Like you could reach out and touch them if you tried hard enough.

But it was also… lonely. If you had been there, I think it would have felt completely different.

You don’t need the title Princess for that. You already stay by my side. You already chose me. And I’d choose this too. This world… this time… you.

Still… if Philos ever opened its skies to you, I think it would finally feel like home.

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier paused mid motion with his own bowl. “…Don’t say things like that so casually,” he murmured.

He finally took a bite, watching her over the rim of the bowl as he did. Slowly, he chewed. Then nodded once. “…It’s good,” he said simply. “Better than I usually make it.”

His gaze flicked down to the bowl, then back to her. “And you helped.” He said it like a conclusion. His hand tightened slightly around the bowl before he set it down.

“…Didn’t hinder anything,” he added. “You adjusted things quickly. You were paying attention.” A faint exhale through his nose. Then his eyes lingered on her again, a little softer now. “You’re surprisingly good at this,” he said quietly. “…at being here.”

He picked up his chopsticks again, but didn’t eat immediately. Instead, he glanced at her bowl. “…Eat more,” he added. “You’re underestimating how hungry you are.”

A brief pause. “…I noticed earlier.”

[xavierlumiere]

📲: Xavie, there's this lady that called me. Asked to confirm table tonight at 7pm.

📲: What's that? Do you know? Was it a scammer?

📲: She said table for two in that restaurant near hunter association

📲: Don't tell me you scheduled a date for us...

📲: No need for it to be this fancy, you know I was okay with gaming or movie nights?

📲: But I get it. Won't it be the first "date-date" as an official couple?

📲: I'm nervous now

/I think we need a change of scene for these two

📲 …U werent supposed to find out like that

📲 Its not a scammer, starlight. Its me. I made the reservation

📲 I know U said ur happy with our game nights… and i am too more than U probably realize. But… i wanted to do something different this time. Something that feels like a clear line between before and now

📲 Our first real date as… us

📲 U dont have to worry about it being too fancy. I chose that place because it’s quiet and i can actually hear U laugh without distractions. Thats the only thing I really care about

📲 And if U get nervous…

📲 ill probably be worse

📲 So we can just be awkward together i think id like that

📲 …Will U still come with me?

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier goes very, very still. Just aware of her eyes and the way they don’t quite stay where they should.

His gaze drops for half a second to her hand fanning herself then lifts back to her face. “…You’re not subtle,” he says quietly. “But I don’t mind.”

When she starts rambling about the food, promotions, and gifts, he doesn’t interrupt. He just listens, like he’s piecing together what she’s actually trying to say beneath all the scattered words.

When she finally lands on gifts, he answers. “They’re consistent,” he says about the restaurant. “Not rushed. The timing should be reasonable.”

A glance toward the kitchen, then back. “You won’t be waiting long.”

Then, “Promotion isn’t a requirement for that. You don’t need to match me in that way.”

A small pause. “…And I don’t need gifts.” His fingers move, just slightly, resting more firmly against the table, like he’s choosing his next words carefully.

“If you wanted to give me something,” he continues, “I would prefer it to be something that means something to you. Not something expensive.”

His eyes flicker, briefly, to the way she’s still a little flustered. “…though I suspect you’re trying to distract yourself.”

There’s the faintest tilt of his head. “From either the heat …or me.”

His gaze softens. “You don’t have to perform for me. Not here. Not like this, starlight. I already chose to be here with you.”

[herpsandbirds]

Lazuli Bunting (Passerina amoena), male, family Cardinalidae, order Passeriformes, OR, USA

photograph by Khanh Tran

[xavierlumiere]

If you could introduce me to your parents, do you think they would love me? I bet I would be nervous

You wouldn’t have to earn their love like it’s some kind of test. If I brought you to them… it wouldn’t be as someone they need to judge. It would be as someone I’ve already chosen.

And that would be enough.

So no, I don’t think they’d love you. I’m certain they would.

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier lets out a quiet breath against your hair as your head settles on his shoulder, his fingers instinctively threading with yours as you play with them.

“Chosen you?” he repeats softly. There’s the faintest hint of a smile at the corner of his lips, but his gaze dips to your hands instead. “I suppose it does sound… dramatic when you say it like that.” He shifts slightly so you’re more comfortably tucked against him, his shoulder angling just right for you.

At your question about his parents and photos, there’s a subtle change.

“My home isn’t…” he hesitates, searching, “…a place that holds many pieces of the past.” His gaze drifts ahead. “Anything that remained from my childhood is either gone… or better left where it is.” Then he glances down at you again, “I remember them clearly enough without photographs.”

When you joke about your parents and his appearance, that earns you a quiet huff of amusement. “Blonde, blue eyes… is that my greatest flaw, then?” He turns your hand over in his, studying it like it’s something far more interesting than genetics.

“I think your parents would be right to be skeptical.” A small pause. “Not because of how I look.” His fingers tighten just slightly around yours. “But because anyone standing where I am should be questioned.” He leans his head lightly against yours. “They should want to know if I’m worthy of you. I would show them. In whatever way they needed.”

His lips brush briefly against your temple. “Because they’d be right about one thing…” a faint breath of a smile. “I do care about you. A lot.” He tilts his head just enough to look at you properly now, “And if they love you the way you say they do…” a small pause, “I think we’d get along just fine.”

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier let out a quiet breath through his nose when she wrapped her arms around him again. His free hand settled at her back almost automatically, steadying her there while the other continued to stir the pot with unhurried focus.

“…Apparently,” he murmured at her comment about their stomachs protesting. A faint hint of amusement tugged at his expression as he glanced down at her, still tucked against him.

“You’re very convincing when you want something,” he added quietly. He gave the pot another stir, checking the texture, then nodded slightly to himself before lowering the heat. “Alright,” he said, softer now. “We focus on dinner.”

His hand slid from her back to briefly brush her hair again. He reached for a pair of bowls, setting them out on the counter beside her. “We’re almost there,” he added, glancing at her. “Just need a few more minutes.”

Xavier gave the pot one final, careful stir, then finally nodded to himself. “…Yeah,” he said quietly. “It’s done.” He lowered the heat completely and set the ladle down. “We didn’t burn anything,” he added. A faint hint of satisfaction slipped through his expression.

He reached for the bowls and began serving, first the broth, then the vegetables they’d layered together, and then the meat. When he finished, he set a bowl in front of her first. “…Try it,” he said softly. “Tell me if I did it right.”

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier felt the shift in her before he even fully processed what she was doing. The pull on his shirt. The way she leaned into him without hesitation this time. For a split second, he stilled in surprise.

His hand tightened slightly around hers while the other moved back to her waist, steadying her as he met her halfway. The kiss deepened. When she tested him, his breath caught softly.

When she drew back, his gaze stayed on her. “…Yeah,” he said, “That’s okay.” His thumb brushed lightly along her side.

At her reluctant mention of the potatoes, something like amusement flickered faintly through his expression again.

“…Probably,” he admitted.

But he didn’t move immediately. Instead, he leaned in just enough to press a brief, gentler kiss to her lips.

Then he pulled back a little more, though his hand lingered at her waist.

“Give me a second,” he murmured.

Reluctantly, he turned back to the pot, picking up the ladle again and stirring through the broth, checking the potatoes.

“…They’re not ready yet,” he added after a moment, glancing sideways at her. “So we didn’t ruin dinner.” His eyes lingered on her again. “…Come here,” he added softly.

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier RP Starter w/ MC

The room is quiet in that soft, late evening way.

A faint glow spills in through the half drawn curtains, painting everything in muted gold and blue. Somewhere in the distance, city lights blink like they’re trying not to interrupt.

And Xavier is there.

Leaning against the edge of your kitchen counter. One hand rests loosely around a glass he hasn’t really touched in a while. The other is busy doing something far more dangerous: watching you.

“You’re home late,” he says at last. “I was starting to think the stars might’ve kept you.” He pushes off the counter and walks closer.

When he reaches you, his gaze dips for a second, checking you over like it matters more than he’d ever admit out loud. Then his expression softens, just slightly.

“Come here, starlight.”

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier didn’t move right away after she answered. But something in him settled. His grip on the ladle loosened slightly, the motion of stirring slowing until it stopped altogether again. This time, he didn’t pretend it was about the food.

His eyes stayed on hers. “…Alright,” he said softly. The pot bubbled between them, steam rising in soft curls, but neither of them moved. Then, gently, he set the ladle down. “I think the potatoes need a minute,” he murmured.

His hand lifted, slower this time, like he was giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted, but when she didn’t, his fingers brushed lightly along her jaw, tilting her face just enough toward him.

“You’re going to get distracted,” he said under his breath. Then he closed the distance. This kiss wasn’t like the others. It lingered longer. His hand stayed at her jaw, thumb brushing lightly against her skin.

His forehead rested lightly against hers again, a quiet exhale slipping from him. “…We should keep an eye on the pot,” he murmured, though he didn’t move away. His hand slipped down from her jaw, but instead of leaving, it found hers again, fingers threading together.

“But… we can take a second.”

[overclassy]

[mollybeenoel]

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier watched her for a moment after she said it. You make me happy too. Something in his expression softened in a way that wasn’t quite visible at first glance. “…Yeah,” he said finally, voice lower than before. “It does.”

His hand lingered near her cheek a second longer before dropping back to the counter. When the broth began to boil, he nodded once. “Now,” he confirmed. But instead of stepping fully into command of it, he shifted slightly so they were working side by side again. His eyes tracked her movements as she approached the pot, “…Careful,” he added softly, as steam rose up between them.

“You’re really good at making things feel… normal.” He reached for the vegetables she’d cut, holding them ready beside her rather than taking over. “Even when nothing about them usually is.” There was a faint pause as he watched her. Then, a small tilt of his head. “…Go ahead,” he said. “Start with the ones you said.”

When the steam rose higher, he reached for the broth spoon, gently stirring so everything settled evenly. “…Marina, when you said I make you happy…” He stopped stirring. “I didn’t answer properly. It makes me… want to stay closer. Not just tonight.” His hand resumed stirring slowly, but his attention didn’t leave her.

“…Is that still something you’re okay with?”

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier didn’t resist when she pulled him down. The kiss landed soft in a way that made him pause again, like his instincts didn’t quite know whether to lean in or hold still. He chose to lean in. Enough to return it before she pulled back and started explaining.

His gaze didn’t waver from her face, watching the way she tried to put her thoughts into words. “You’re not wrong,” he said quietly. His hand lifted, fingers brushing lightly along her wrist where she still held him, then settling against her hand instead. “But that’s exactly why I don’t want you to do it like that.”

His voice stayed calm. “Because you would give things up without thinking twice if it meant someone else was happy.” His thumb traced a small, absent arc against her skin. “And I don’t want to be someone who lets you do that without noticing.”

At her last comment,the pork belly, something lighter flickered back into his expression. “…Trying it is different,” he allowed. A faint hint of a smile followed. “That I’ll accept.” His hand slid from hers just enough to reach for the plate of sliced meat. “We’ll add the vegetables first,” he said, glancing at the pot as it began to simmer. “Then the meat.”

“And you’re eating both.” His eyes flicked back to hers, just to make sure she understood he meant it. fter a second, he reached up, brushing his fingers lightly against her cheek where she’d patted him earlier. “…And I don’t need you to give things up to make me happy. You already do.”

[xavierlumiere]

If you could introduce me to your parents, do you think they would love me? I bet I would be nervous

You wouldn’t have to earn their love like it’s some kind of test. If I brought you to them… it wouldn’t be as someone they need to judge. It would be as someone I’ve already chosen.

And that would be enough.

So no, I don’t think they’d love you. I’m certain they would.

[xavierlumiere]

You said I can ask any question... So I want to know, what did you want me to say when I looked at you yesterday?

i thought maybe… U would say my name differently

[xavierlumiere]

He went still when she rested her head on his shoulder. His hand didn’t move from over hers.

At her explanation, the corner of his mouth lifted faintly. “…So you were the one second guessing,” he murmured, glancing down at her. “Not me.”

When she started listing off the vegetables, he followed along, listening more to her voice than the actual choices, until her proposal made him pause. He looked at her properly then. His brows drawing together just a little. “…No.”

His hand shifted, sliding from over hers to lightly catch her wrist.“That’s not how this works, starlight. Unless you’re a vegetarian, we’re not dividing things like that,” His thumb brushed lightly against her wrist, “If you like something, you eat it,” he continued. “Same for me.”

His eyes flicked briefly to her lips before returning to her gaze. “I wasn’t asking you to sacrifice your preferences so I could eat more meat.” A small pause. “I was asking because I like hearing what you choose.” His hand loosened slightly on her wrist. “…So choose what you actually want.”

[xavierlumiere]

There's something really heavy going on right now. Can I perhaps escape from it for a while in your hugs?

“Starlight, you can hide here for a bit. I won’t let anything reach you,” one arm wrapped around your shoulders, the other settling securely at your back, pulling you closer.

[xavierlumiere]

When you pull closer, he adjusts without thinking, one arm sliding around you more securely, the other resting warm at your side. “…They don’t feel fresh like you think,” he says quietly after a moment. “Most of them are just better at moving while they’re tired.” His fingers trace slow absent patterns against you, “And me?” he adds, “I do feel it. I just don’t let it show the same way. That’s all.”

“But what you’re describing… knowing exactly what your mind is doing and not being able to step out of it?” His thumb brushes lightly along your arm. “That’s not something you chose. And it’s not something you’re failing at.”

When you mention the diagnoses, the labels, the DSM… he exhales quietly against your hair. “…Yeah,” he murmurs. “Sometimes knowing too much about it makes it feel more real.” His cheek rests against your head again, “But those words don’t get to define you,” he adds. “They just describe patterns. Not your worth. Not your future.” When you curl in tighter, he doesn’t try to pull you out of it. He just meets you there. “I’ll stay,” he says simply.

At the mention of a movie, there’s the faintest hint of warmth in his voice again. “We don’t have to follow the plot,” he murmurs. “We can let it play in the background. Or I can tell you what’s happening if you drift off.”

A small pause. “…Or we ignore it completely,” he adds quietly. “And just stay like this until your thoughts slow down a little.” His hand shifts, resting over yours. “You don’t have to keep up with anyone right now,” he says. “You’re allowed to pause here.”