Kami's diary

[k-dok]

[moartstudio-rafayel]

[Continued - Original Post with @k-dok]

The second you touch him like that, his attention drops right back to you. Like the door, the knocks, Thomas, everything else, gets pushed a step back again.

He watches your face as you speak. Not just your words, but the way your brows pull together, the way your voice lowers, the way you’re trying to do the right thing even now. Even when it costs you.

Another knock. Sharper this time. He doesn’t answer it. His gaze flicks briefly to your hand on his wrist. Your thumb brushing lightly over his skin. That quiet “don’t go” you didn’t say out loud.

When he looks back up at you, something in his expression shifts again. “You didn’t fuck up,” he says quietly. “There were a few things that didn’t go perfectly. That’s not the same thing.”

His free hand lifts then gently rests against your arm. “You’re not a liability,” he adds, “I wouldn’t have brought you here if you were.”

Another knock. “Sir—” Thomas’ voice. Rafayel exhales, but he doesn’t turn yet. His attention stays on you. “And this?” he continues, “What happened here…” His eyes flick briefly to your lips then back up. “…isn’t a fiasco.”

Your concern about the afterparty lingers between you. The paparazzi. The rumors. The weight of being seen.

He studies you for a second longer. “…Okay,” he says. “We won’t make it a spectacle.” His thumb brushes lightly against your sleeve, “But don’t hide because you think you don’t belong there,” he adds. That part isn’t negotiable in my head.”

A slight tilt of his head. “You can stay in the background. Close enough that I know you’re there.” Not as your employer. Not entirely. Something in between. Something safer.

Another knock. This time, he finally looks toward the door. Then back at you. “Well figure this out later. Don’t run again.”

“Coming,” he calls. When he reaches the door, he pauses for the smallest second. Doesn’t turn around. “Stay here until you’re ready.”

And then he opens the door, stepping back into the world that expects him. Leaving you standing right on the edge between two lives. One safe and one uncertain.

[moartstudio-rafayel]

He exhales softly through his nose at your question. His hand comes up again, catching yours at his cheek before you can drift away from him even a little. “…You’re asking a lot of questions,” he murmurs, voice low against your lips. “But I’ll answer them.” His thumb brushes over your knuckles once.

“You being ‘real’ to me?” he repeats. A faint exhale. “Yeah.” His gaze holds yours steadily. “You’re not an idea I created to make myself feel less alone in a room full of people who don’t see me. You interrupt that version of my life. In the best way.”

His fingers shift slightly, sliding into yours now. “As for what I deserve…” He pauses. “I don’t think in categories like that.” A small tilt of his head. “People try to assign me them all the time. Fans. Sponsors. Thomas.” A faint, almost dry breath of amusement. “Even you, apparently.” His eyes soften slightly when he says that last part. “But I don’t work like that, cutie.”

His thumb brushes your cheek again, slower this time. “I don’t think I ‘deserve’ someone better. I think I want someone who feels like this.” He leans in just slightly, forehead brushing yours again. “And that’s you.”

At the mention of Thomas, his gaze flickers for a second then returns to you. “He understood enough,” Rafayel says quietly. “Enough to stop asking questions he didn’t want answers to.” A pause. “…He’s not stupid, cutie.” Then softer, “But he doesn’t get to decide this part.” His hand tightens slightly around yours. “This isn’t his space.”

His eyes search yours again, slower now. “You don’t have to earn your place with me,” he says. “You’re already in it.” A pause. “…But if you’re asking what I think you are to me? You’re the part I don’t let go of when the room gets too loud.”

[k-dok]

She could feel her eyes getting wet. Emotions and tiredness were overflowing her with the wave of warmth he brought in right now. Her lower lip trembled, but she fought against it — pursing her lips, she blinked fast, trying to win the urge to cry.

"Raf—..." her voice trembled a little, as her mind started to lose against this sentimental desire to lose it.

Her arms found his back as her cheek leaned against his broad chest.

"I want to be that to you. What you said. Labels, no labels, lover or not lover, I want to be that for you. Preferably lover, if you will let me"

Her voice was muffled because of how tightly she was hugging him. The grip was still weak due to wave of emotions, however, she was hugging him like she was afraid he will leave.

"I think champagne is making me sleepy", she murmured gently, pulling away to look at him.

Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something. Closed, because she was hesitating.

"Do you think you can... drive me home?"

A beat of silence.

"Or... I could stay here. In other room. Or... I mean— I can take taxi, if it's... I just—"

[xavierlumiere]

📲: Xavie, there's this lady that called me. Asked to confirm table tonight at 7pm.

📲: What's that? Do you know? Was it a scammer?

📲: She said table for two in that restaurant near hunter association

📲: Don't tell me you scheduled a date for us...

📲: No need for it to be this fancy, you know I was okay with gaming or movie nights?

📲: But I get it. Won't it be the first "date-date" as an official couple?

📲: I'm nervous now

/I think we need a change of scene for these two

📲 …U werent supposed to find out like that

📲 Its not a scammer, starlight. Its me. I made the reservation

📲 I know U said ur happy with our game nights… and i am too more than U probably realize. But… i wanted to do something different this time. Something that feels like a clear line between before and now

📲 Our first real date as… us

📲 U dont have to worry about it being too fancy. I chose that place because it’s quiet and i can actually hear U laugh without distractions. Thats the only thing I really care about

📲 And if U get nervous…

📲 ill probably be worse

📲 So we can just be awkward together i think id like that

📲 …Will U still come with me?

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier goes very, very still. Just aware of her eyes and the way they don’t quite stay where they should.

His gaze drops for half a second to her hand fanning herself then lifts back to her face. “…You’re not subtle,” he says quietly. “But I don’t mind.”

When she starts rambling about the food, promotions, and gifts, he doesn’t interrupt. He just listens, like he’s piecing together what she’s actually trying to say beneath all the scattered words.

When she finally lands on gifts, he answers. “They’re consistent,” he says about the restaurant. “Not rushed. The timing should be reasonable.”

A glance toward the kitchen, then back. “You won’t be waiting long.”

Then, “Promotion isn’t a requirement for that. You don’t need to match me in that way.”

A small pause. “…And I don’t need gifts.” His fingers move, just slightly, resting more firmly against the table, like he’s choosing his next words carefully.

“If you wanted to give me something,” he continues, “I would prefer it to be something that means something to you. Not something expensive.”

His eyes flicker, briefly, to the way she’s still a little flustered. “…though I suspect you’re trying to distract yourself.”

There’s the faintest tilt of his head. “From either the heat …or me.”

His gaze softens. “You don’t have to perform for me. Not here. Not like this, starlight. I already chose to be here with you.”

[k-dok]

She felt the urgency to disappear under the ground at his words. The groan didn't leave her lips, but her face contorted with noticeable embarrassment.

"I'm not. I am. God, I am. You're just... so... so you. And it's just—... distracting me. The way you speak, look at me, and th-the jacket and—..."

Her hands rubbed her face, as her eyes peek between her fingers. Her brown irises were watching his in this stretched out silence.

"Show me some mercy. The only time I saw you like this was when you were nominated as Hunter of the year. Not like this. With this dimmed lighting, the music and... the fact that this is, well, romantic date. Don't tease me. Im as embarrassed about it as I could even be"

The waitress served the table, placing the orders. Glasses of water, steak and salads. Wishing them nice dinner, she excused herself to serve for other tables.

She glanced at the food and back at him.

"That steak costs like my kidney. And since when the sparkling water is so expensive?" she pouted, her fork poking the meat.

"I really appreciate it all, but I am very much shy and embarrassed about this all. But there is no way you will let me split the check, is there?"

[xavierlumiere]

If you could introduce me to your parents, do you think they would love me? I bet I would be nervous

You wouldn’t have to earn their love like it’s some kind of test. If I brought you to them… it wouldn’t be as someone they need to judge. It would be as someone I’ve already chosen.

And that would be enough.

So no, I don’t think they’d love you. I’m certain they would.

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier lets out a quiet breath against your hair as your head settles on his shoulder, his fingers instinctively threading with yours as you play with them.

“Chosen you?” he repeats softly. There’s the faintest hint of a smile at the corner of his lips, but his gaze dips to your hands instead. “I suppose it does sound… dramatic when you say it like that.” He shifts slightly so you’re more comfortably tucked against him, his shoulder angling just right for you.

At your question about his parents and photos, there’s a subtle change.

“My home isn’t…” he hesitates, searching, “…a place that holds many pieces of the past.” His gaze drifts ahead. “Anything that remained from my childhood is either gone… or better left where it is.” Then he glances down at you again, “I remember them clearly enough without photographs.”

When you joke about your parents and his appearance, that earns you a quiet huff of amusement. “Blonde, blue eyes… is that my greatest flaw, then?” He turns your hand over in his, studying it like it’s something far more interesting than genetics.

“I think your parents would be right to be skeptical.” A small pause. “Not because of how I look.” His fingers tighten just slightly around yours. “But because anyone standing where I am should be questioned.” He leans his head lightly against yours. “They should want to know if I’m worthy of you. I would show them. In whatever way they needed.”

His lips brush briefly against your temple. “Because they’d be right about one thing…” a faint breath of a smile. “I do care about you. A lot.” He tilts his head just enough to look at you properly now, “And if they love you the way you say they do…” a small pause, “I think we’d get along just fine.”

[k-dok]

She could sense the unsaid tension when he mentions his family. That made her heart contract. Snuggling closer to his side, she glances carefully at him.

"...better where it is?", she murmured quietly, visibly worried and hurt, "why is that...? Do they live away from Linkon?"

She pouts, moving closer to him

"Baby Xavier probably was very adorable. How come you don't have any pictures from that time?"

Her thumb caressed his knuckles, trying to offer at least some comfort to his vulnerable side he visibly didn't want to show.

Silence hung gently between them as she wondered what kind of family he lived in, what kind of parents he had. She snapped from her thoughts when he mentioned her family.

Glancing up at him with softened gaze, she pouted and curled into his touch even more with quiet sigh.

"Your words... It's my choice who to love. So I'm not sure why they would have the need to test you. I'm the one to evaluate and test you, am I not? And you're making me happy, more than I would love to admit. You're making me enjoy stuff I didn't enjoy before"

Quiet hum.

"You changed my skepticism to realistic way of seeing and feeling things. I'm glad to trust you. And be the one you love"

[xavierlumiere]

If you could introduce me to your parents, do you think they would love me? I bet I would be nervous

You wouldn’t have to earn their love like it’s some kind of test. If I brought you to them… it wouldn’t be as someone they need to judge. It would be as someone I’ve already chosen.

And that would be enough.

So no, I don’t think they’d love you. I’m certain they would.

[k-dok]

"So, you've chosen me? It's a very loud and bold statement. Even though, it does make me feel loved", she said, her head falling on his shoulder. Movie in front of them long forgotten.

She pouted thoughtfully, playing with his hands

"I actually don't remember you mentioning them. And I didn't see their picture at all. Does you have any childhood photo albums here?"

"My parents will probably warm up to you. Except for the fact you carry blonde, blue eyed and light skin genes. Given the fact I'm tanned brunette with brown eyes, I think they would be concerned about genetics"

She chuckled, saying it like a fact and not like a serious matter to think about.

"They would be skeptical about you, but they'll warm up quickly if you show that you care a lot about me"

[xavierlumiere]

📲: Xavie, there's this lady that called me. Asked to confirm table tonight at 7pm.

📲: What's that? Do you know? Was it a scammer?

📲: She said table for two in that restaurant near hunter association

📲: Don't tell me you scheduled a date for us...

📲: No need for it to be this fancy, you know I was okay with gaming or movie nights?

📲: But I get it. Won't it be the first "date-date" as an official couple?

📲: I'm nervous now

/I think we need a change of scene for these two

📲 …U werent supposed to find out like that

📲 Its not a scammer, starlight. Its me. I made the reservation

📲 I know U said ur happy with our game nights… and i am too more than U probably realize. But… i wanted to do something different this time. Something that feels like a clear line between before and now

📲 Our first real date as… us

📲 U dont have to worry about it being too fancy. I chose that place because it’s quiet and i can actually hear U laugh without distractions. Thats the only thing I really care about

📲 And if U get nervous…

📲 ill probably be worse

📲 So we can just be awkward together i think id like that

📲 …Will U still come with me?

[xavierlumiere]

His gaze lowers slightly to her leg when she mentions the shaking. He notices the effort she’s making to stop it. He doesn’t comment on that yet. Instead, “You’re asking a lot of questions,” he says quietly. “I’ll answer them.” He leans back slightly, posture still composed, but less rigid now.

“I like tea. Not coke. It’s too sweet. Coffee sometimes, but not often.” A glance at her. “Steak over traditional food, usually. But I don’t mind either.” His fingers rest lightly on the edge of the table. “Salads depend on how they’re prepared. If they’re just leaves, no. If they’re balanced properly, yes.” A brief pause. “And desserts…” Something softer enters his expression.

“I don’t have a strong preference. But I tend to like anything you’d describe as ‘not too heavy.’” He watches her for a second longer, “…though I’m starting to think that depends more on the company than the dish.”

His ears are still red. Xavier goes still. “…You’re very observant,” he says finally. Just resigned, in the way someone accepts a fact they can’t reasonably argue against.

His gaze shifts slightly away for a moment, just long enough to collect himself. Then back to her. “It’s a little warm in here,” he says simply before slipping off his jacket to make it more convincing.

“You’re shaking your leg,” he notes gently. “Is that nervousness… or energy?” A small tilt of his head. “…or me?”

[k-dok]

She nods through everything he had said, probably writing it down in imaginary journal of hers. Brows furrowed, lips pursed in concentration. Tea, sometimes coffee, not coke, only balanced salads, any not heavy desserts...

She snaps from her thought as he slips his jacket off. That did it. Her heart suddenly started beating even faster, hitting her ribs. She drew sharp inhale, looking at the muscles hidden under the shirt.

Back at him.

Again at the wrinkles of the shirt.

"My leg? I'm... no- I'm not shaking. I just— well... i-it...", pursing her lips in shy defeat, she took a sip of water, looking down.

Jesus Christ, did he look hot. Attractive. Magnetizing. Alluring. And, hot.

Her hand started shaking up and down to provide some fresh air to her (which didn't help).

"Indeed it's hot here. Very hot", she said with very obvious glare at his physique.

"So... you ordered..? Steak, right, steak. Yeah, right. And-... d-do you think they'll make it quick enough or...?", her thumb pointed at the kitchen as she tried her best to act casual, "I started to feel hungry. I'm starving actually. I never been here and I hope the kitchen here is good. Hope the dishes are good. Yeah... you were here before, right? How was it? Was it after you got promoted or...?"

Her eyes darted from his eyes, trying to look invested in dialogue, to the first button that wasn't buttoned and provided small peak at his collarbones.

"I hope I will get promoted soon, too. I know I'm not as cool as you, but I also need good salary. To get you nice gifts and all... you know? Colognes... suits... what gifts do you like?"

[starkissedxav]

xavier is a breath of fresh air in more ways than one

a/n: feeling sad and missing xavier so have some comforting fluff :P

you always seem to feel relieved after talking to xavier. his soft voice and gentle eyes help take the weight off your shoulders as you talk to him, even if it isn’t about whatever is bothering you. his reassuring words always seem to land right where they need to, making your heart race slightly in the best way possible. his soft touches and fun anecdotes make you smile until your cheeks hurt.

xavier always manages to coax you out of your home, even on days when you don’t want to. especially on days you don’t want to.

“the weather is really nice, wanna join me on a walk?” he sounds hopeful over the phone, your chest hurts as you pull your blanket tighter around yourself.

“I’m really tired today, sorry xav,” you mumble, tears pricking your eyes as you try to end the conversation quickly.

“that’s okay, we don’t have to walk much. there’s a nice bench under a tree we can sit at?” Xavier’s voice is just as gentle as always as he speaks, a hint of hope still tinging his tone.

“maybe another time? i just don’t feel like it right now,” you reply, “ill text you later, okay?” you say quietly, hanging up before he can question you.

two minutes later there’s a knock on your door, you answer with red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. xavier feels his heart break in his chest as he hands you your favorite candy.

“you know being outside for even 10 minutes helps boost your mood?” his small sheepish smile makes your lips twitch upwards slightly.

the two of you sit together quietly on your balcony, not saying anything as the sun warms up your skin.

“the weather is really nice,” you finally say, eyes shifting around the cityscape as you stare over your balcony, xavier smiles at your words.

xavier smells like fresh laundry. the smell of his laundry detergent and cologne permeate your bedsheets and throw blankets after he’s been over. it makes you miss him even more when he’s not with you.

after a long day you find yourself seeking out his scent, inhaling the lingering smell that is uniquely xavier on his side of your bed. you pout as the hole in your heart isn’t filled, reaching over and sending him an ‘i miss you’ text. he’s by your side in seconds.

you don’t hesitate to throw your arms around him, shoving your face in the crook of his neck and breathing in deeply. he smells like himself, he smells like home. your mind stops racing and your heartbeat settles into a familiar rhythm. your lips turn upwards as they meet his.

“missed you angel eyes,” you whisper, cuddling further into him, letting his entire body engulf you.

“i did too, starlight,” he mumbles back, placing a kiss to the top of your head, strong arms wrapping around you securely.

xavier was your breath of fresh air, always there when you needed him most.

masterlist

taglist: @hirayalia @violasepals @txtworlddom @mrs-lixiaqin @pjselee @luvyizhou

[melanchoise]

kdj

[xavierlumiere]

There's something really heavy going on right now. Can I perhaps escape from it for a while in your hugs?

“Starlight, you can hide here for a bit. I won’t let anything reach you,” one arm wrapped around your shoulders, the other settling securely at your back, pulling you closer.

[xavierlumiere]

His hand moves slowly along your back, “But I wish you could see what I see,” he adds. “You don’t look lost to me. You look… tired. Like your mind’s been running too far ahead of you and forgot to wait for you to catch up.”

He tilts his head slightly so his cheek rests against your hair “Grey hair, huh?” he breathes, “Then I’ll just have to stay close enough to make sure you don’t overthink yourself into it.”

His arms tighten around you. “You don’t need to go back in time,” he says. “I’m here now. And you’re here with me. That’s enough for this moment.

[k-dok]

"I'm not the one who's tired. Everyone is tired. Yet they just... wake up and feel fresh. Or feel fresh after a while. Brand new, even. I'm sort of jealous. They stumble and just... keep going"

She locks his waist between her thighs, moving closer to him. Her nose brushed his neck, hiding in the crook.

"You know, even you. You can be exhausted but why do you never feel this down? I know it's explainable because of the way my brain differs from yours and all those diagnoses and everything but sometimes I don't want it to be a reality. You know? I would give everything to not know what those abbreviations mean or what symptoms are there or DSM5 criterias"

Her cheek brushes against his skin as she moved even closer. Hiding there in his touch, curled into small ball.

"You'll stay here? Should we watch a movie? Even though I'm not sure if I can concentrate on the plot..."

[xavierlumiere]

I'm thinking of doing microdermal piercings under my collarbone this summer🤔 don't you think it will look cute? I also find the fact of you seeing it more than anyone (because the only loose shirts I have are my pajamas) sort of romantic. In a way. Just like with my belly piercing, you know?

ur doing that thing again

the one where U say something like its casual and then casually drop and U will be the only one who sees it like thats not a sentence with consequences

microdermals under ur collarbone R not exactly a cute little summer idea thats a long term commitment

and yes i get it

U think it would be romantic

but ur also conveniently skipping over the part where healing is annoying shirts will absolutely not cooperate and U will end up poking at it when U think im not looking

…also

don’t assume U will be walking around in loose pajamas just because its romantic

i might start enforcing dress codes especially if ur goal is to make it hard for me to concentrate

ur not helping ur case here

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier exhales slowly like he’s trying very hard to stay composed. That pout is not helping this situation in the slightest. “Your master being good isn’t the part I’m worried about,” he says quietly. “It’s you.”

There’s a faint crease between his brows, but his voice softens almost immediately after. “You say you’ll take care of it, but you also say things like this so easily… as if I’m not supposed to react.”

He shifts a little closer, gaze lingering at her collarbone before flicking back up to her eyes. “And don’t try to turn this on me. You know exactly what you’re doing.”

“…And no, I can’t just focus if you’re walking around like that.” His ears tint slightly, and he looks away for a second, clearly annoyed at himself. “As for the dress code… ” he huffs, “…it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion.”

“If you go through with it… at least be prepared for the consequences… including me not being very patient about it.”

[k-dok]

She laughs bashfully, looking at his face.

"Xavier, those would be just two shiny things on my skin. Nothing more, nothing less. You're acting as if I'm getting BBL or something", she looks down, mumbling the last part with even deeper frown, "which I'm not"

She adds quickly before he would pout further. Her face in a deadpan as she looked into his eyes.

"Is this conversation really worth a debate and negotiations? You're all red over hypothetical piercing— Xavier..." she sighs heavily, her palm dragging across her forehead, "no, there won't be any dress code at all. I'm in my home. Deal with it. Even though you're cute, your pouting won't get to me this time"

"Besides there are more daring piercings I would want to get, but that will probably send you on a death bed. But still. Act nice about it"

[moartstudio-rafayel]

Rafie. Question. Should I decorate my ear piercing set up first or get collarbone dermal? The price is sort of the same, but... with high chance the collarbone one will reject soon but ears will stay with me for a long time. But still... isn't collarbone one is way more alluring than ears? But still... I'm stuck.

Go with the ears first. Ear piercings will stay.

A collarbone dermal is gorgeous, yeah, like dangerously pretty, but it’s high maintenance and rejection is super common. You could spend the same money and end up losing it in month.

Ears, though? That’s long term payoff.

If you still crave that collarbone sparkle later, you can always do it as a treat knowing the risk.

…also, there’s something very you about curating a perfect ear setup. Feels more personal than a single flashy point.

So yeah. Ears first. Then we flirt with danger later, cutie.

[k-dok]

"I think you're right. As always. I think I could get flat and conch maybe? Or helix, but helix is pain in the ass..."

She pouts, tapping finger on her chin.

"But, you know? Having some piercing only for me to admire is alluring idea. Just show it sometime when I wear off shoulder dresses. Ears though... they might make the image more heavy and bright, you know? That's the reason I'm hesitant about facials... even though lip one would look nice, it would disrupt natural look I have, wouldn't it?"

[xavierlumiere]

I'm thinking of doing microdermal piercings under my collarbone this summer🤔 don't you think it will look cute? I also find the fact of you seeing it more than anyone (because the only loose shirts I have are my pajamas) sort of romantic. In a way. Just like with my belly piercing, you know?

ur doing that thing again

the one where U say something like its casual and then casually drop and U will be the only one who sees it like thats not a sentence with consequences

microdermals under ur collarbone R not exactly a cute little summer idea thats a long term commitment

and yes i get it

U think it would be romantic

but ur also conveniently skipping over the part where healing is annoying shirts will absolutely not cooperate and U will end up poking at it when U think im not looking

…also

don’t assume U will be walking around in loose pajamas just because its romantic

i might start enforcing dress codes especially if ur goal is to make it hard for me to concentrate

ur not helping ur case here

[k-dok]

She pouts, looking at him like she had been scolded by kindergarten teacher.

"It will heal well. My master's good, you know"

...

"And my goal isn't to make you lose focus... honestly, it would be your fault if you would blush like tomato over such accessory"

She tilts her head

"Dress code at home? In our home? Xavie, you're being mean and unreasonable here. You can focus just fine. If you try"

[xavslittlelight]

💫 give me your kisses, not the tears of your goodbye 💫

By @xavslittlelight ✨️

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

Summary:

The planet is celebrating. They have a new Queen, the only Queen, after so long of having no ruler.

You are not, however. But maybe a company from an old friend would not be so bad. But one thing leads to another, and… how did you and he end up like this?

Duration: 7470 words

Posted on 6th June, 2026

---

Tags: NSFW, Unrequited Love (or is it??), Alcohol, Dubcon (because they are both drunk but they also both want it so idk), Soft Angst, Intense Makeout Session, A lot of kissing, A lot of biting and marking, Farewell Sex, First and "Last" Time, XavMC being Idiots (mostly MC here bc of the POV), Hair Pulling, Bush for MC, Cunnilingus, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Penetrative Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Slight Overstimulation, Thirsty Xavier, Crying, Aftercare (not explicitly described), Fem!Reader, 2nd-person POV for reader

Note: To be honest, this was not on my list to write but I had this idea recently and finally found some time to write (yes I wrote this during work hours). And please, don't think of this as 100% lore accurate to Lightseeker myth, I remember what happened in there but I did take some creative liberty to make sure the story makes more sense and works better.

Xavier and MC are the same as they are in Lightseeker myth, not in any established relationship and MC still thinks of her past self as a different person. Xavier cannot communicate. And this does not change the outcome of Lightseeker myth, it's just an oneshot, you have been warned. I had a lot of fun with the angst in this one.

And it's up to your interpretation whether or not they are experienced here. I don't explicitly mention anything. Have fun!

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

​

You stare out of the window. On the streets below, people are still celebrating, drinking and partying. The coronation went smoothly two days ago, and you allowed the kingdom to feast for a whole week.

Two days…

You have been the Queen, the only Queen regnant of Philos so far, for two days.

Not of royal bloodline, but now Queen regardless.

The streets below are still busy and lively. However, the deafening silence of your chamber embraces you and tugs you back into the cold loneliness.

You barely see any old friends from the Astria Knyght Academy now, much less…

You swallow dryly as you think about Xavier. He has asked you for permission to board another trip to leave for another expedition. And the team… even Jeremiah will join him this time. You were the closest to these two at the Academy. And without them both here, you will be completely alone.

You close the window, blocking the chattering outside from invading your peace and quiet.

The maids have also prepared something for you to celebrate, but you are in no mood and have no one to do it with. Just a small table of expensive food and some alcohol.

You should invite some friends over, clearing out this table for a feast, but even thinking about socialising right now makes your stomach churn.

Well, there might be one person you would not mind seeing. It might hurt you some more, but you do not mind it as long as you can see him.

You don't know if he wants to see you, though. After all, the carefree days for you both are gone now, and you cannot deny the rising tension between you and him lately.

You hate it.

You hate how he stands far away from you, bowing formally, calling you "Your Majesty". You hate the indifferent tone of his voice, how he looks into your eyes without smiling warmly like he used to.

Xavier is distancing himself from you. And he is leaving. There are still so many things unresolved between you and him, and so many secrets he is keeping from you.

You want to know them all, everything, before he leaves. You don't even know if he will even come back to you after hearing his crazy plan. He is leaving tomorrow, and there is barely anything you can do about it.

You swallow and look at the door. 

Last chance to see him.

Xavier might refuse to meet you as two old friends, but he will not be able to refuse the invitation of his Queen.

Just one last time. Even if it might hurt you more than a thousand knives through your heart, you would rather get hurt than regret not seeing him one last time.

So, you open the door and ask an attending maid to go and invite the Grandis Knight to your chamber. The Queen's invitation.

He cannot deny you this request.

You look around for a bit before deciding to turn the light on to make the chamber less gloomy, and then check on the food. 

It is still a little warm. Good enough.

And the alcohol…

You don't drink often. Just some big celebrations, mostly. Xavier… probably even less. But well, it is a big celebration, right? You leave it on the table.

Then, you come to the mirror and fix your dress and hair, making yourself look more presentable, not bothering with the crown. 

You might have invited him here as his Queen, but you still want to meet him as his friend.

Someone is knocking on your door.

You rush over and stop to take a deep breath before formally opening the door. But no matter how much you have prepared yourself, the sight of Xavier still knocks all the air out of your lungs.

"Xavier…"

"Your Majesty." He greets and bows before you even finish saying his name. "Did you request to see me?"

"Ah… yes, I did. Come in, please." You clear your throat, trying hard not to sound awkward. "Sit down."

You lead him to the table, and his eyes twinkle at the sight of the feast.

"The streets sound so lively, I cannot help but want some company." You quickly give him an explanation.

"Of course. I'm honoured that you thought of me."

Xavier gives you a boyish smile and tilts his head, which reminds you of your days together at the Academy. But it soon vanishes when he sits down and catches sight of  your crown on the desk nearby.

You quickly follow and sit down opposite him to block the crown from his line of vision. Xavier made you the Queen, yes, but you know deep down, he is not even happy about his own decision.

"Don't think of this as a meeting with your Queen. It's just me, and you as Xavier. One last time before you leave, can you do that for me?" You try to sound casual, but inside, you are desperate. You don't know what you might do if he refuses.

He looks at you for a moment, and you can hear your own heartbeat hammering in your ears.

"Alright, I can do that. Just me and you." He pours two glasses of wine and hands one to you. "One last time."

"One last time. Thank you, Xavier." You touch your glass with his.

Xavier drinks first, not looking at you anymore as he sips on his wine. You raise your glass to your lips but then pause, staring at the way his Adam's apple dips.

The smell of the wine is not very strong, but you can already feel your head spin. Everything seems to slow down while you watch Xavier drink the wine.

"Are you okay?" 

You hear him call your name and snap back to reality, drinking your own wine before choking on it and coughing.

"Are you okay?" He asks again, more urgently this time, ready to stand up to assist you.

"I'm… I'm fine…" You cough. "Was just thinking about something…"

"Maybe some water will do…"

"NO! I mean, no, it's a celebration. Just water is boring."

Half of you want to add "…unless you're willing to go buy me some honey milk tea," but you catch yourself in the last second.

Xavier slowly nods.

"Alright. If you insist."

He does, however, pressure you into eating some food before letting you drink again. You keep pouring both for him and yourself, glass after glass, only stopping to eat whenever Xavier reminds you to.

The more you drink, the more upset you feel. Xavier is leaving tomorrow, and you will never see him again, most likely. His crazy plan…

You try to hold back a sniffle, distracting him by pouring him another glass.

"Drink with me." 

"I think you've had enough." He pushes the glass back down on the table.

"I think you have not had enough. You look too calm." You push the glass back to him.

"I can tolerate alcohol better than you."

You narrow your eyes. You  don't like the sound of what he said. 

"You drink then. I won't drink if you drink my part as well." You give him your glass.

It is supposed to be a tease, and you are expecting him to refuse. But Xavier only picks up both glasses and downs them one after another.

His face was only faintly pink before, but now both his cheeks are almost red. You are sure yours isn't much better, probably worse than him. But at least, now he is matching you more.

And you feel giddy thinking about it.

Maybe you really are drunk.

Xavier puts the glasses down and wipes his lips. You swallow, watching the way his hand moves across his very nice, and pink, and soft lips…

"Do you plan on sleeping early tonight? You still have to attend another ceremony tomorrow." He asks quietly, turning his head to look at you.

You shake your head.

"Not yet." It comes out more decisively than you thought it would be. You don't want to think about tomorrow, which is when Xavier and his team will leave. You have today, tonight to be precise, with him, and you don't want to waste it thinking about the bleak future.

"Okay, I'll… sit with you until you want to rest." He tries to give you some dessert, but his hand misses the bowl a few times.

"Haha… you're drunk too…" You tease.

"I am not." He huffs, trying to focus.

"You are~~" You tease and lean over to poke his reddened cheek, feeling bolder than you were before drinking.

Xavier catches your hand in his, staring at you, his expression unreadable. You take your hand back.

"You're no fun."

The warmth of his hand lingers on your wrist, making your skin feel a little tingly. You look at it and then back at him again. Xavier is truly a work of art. Not only is he good at everything he does, but he also looks pretty as hell.

You had the biggest crush on him for such a long time, and have gone through much trouble because of it. Yet, you never really got to know what he truly felt about you.

On the one hand, he always cares a lot about you, acting all pouty and strange whenever you mentioned something related to your (nonexistent - but he does not know that) love life. Not to mention those poor puppy eyes and the way he looks at you when he thinks you don't notice him.

But on the other hand, he stays far away, in a way. And all the vague mentions of his beloved who has given him that smiley star tassel. You have never been able to understand all his weird words, like, what did he mean when he told you that only one person had given him a star tassel? You gave him one, and his unknown beloved also gave him one…

That should make it two people!

Your head spins even more as you think about it. 

"Are you feeling alright? You look even redder now…" His comment pulls you back to reality. Barely. 

You sharply turn your head to avoid looking at him, but the motion causes you to lose your balance, even when sitting, and you almost fall off your chair.

Xavier calls out your name and rushes over to catch you before you hit the cold, hard floor. His clumsy movements make both you and him crash to the floor, with you being held in his arms.

Your face is pressed against his neck as his scent invades your nose. Xavier smells like… hmm, sunshine, fresh detergent, and grass, oh, and alcohol after drinking all those glasses with you.

You take a deep breath.

As strained as your relationship with him is now, he has always been a comforting presence. Seeing him makes you happy, hugging him makes you feel safe, and smelling his scent now…

It actually makes you slightly more upset.

Imagine having a crush on someone for hundreds of years, just for them to leave without ever getting to confess your love.

His arms tighten around you for a brief moment as you and he sit there on the cold floor. You want to think of it as your imagination tricking you, but it seems to be real.

Xavier is burying his face in your hair.

He feels warm, a lot warmer than usual, and he has a higher body temperature than other people to begin with because of his evol. 

You feel like you can just melt in his arms, sinking deep into this warm, comforting feeling and never letting go. And Xavier will not be able to leave either.

He will stay and be with you, right?

You want to ask him, want to get a confirmation, that if you hug him more tightly, he will stay. But before you can open your mouth, Xavier gently pushes you away.

Panicking, you cling to him, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you can to keep yourself in place.

Your name rolls off his tongue easily, sweet like honey, and you feel light-headed. Reality hits you like a punch from a golem.

He is leaving. There is nothing you can do to stop him.

He is leaving Philos, leaving you behind, to board his ship and traverse the stars. And you cannot do anything about it.

You have not even confessed, telling him that you actually like him a lot. 

…that you love him.

He calls your name again, and now you feel like crying. You don't want him to leave.

But all you can do is bury your face in the crook of his neck and sob your heart out. That finally causes some bigger reactions from Xavier, who calls your name again, this time in a more alarming tone, and tries to soothe you as much as he can in this drunken state.

"Hey… hey… what's wrong?" Xavier pats your back. All you can do to respond to him is to cry and whine even more.

It should make you tired, the alcohol in your system, the crying and overthinking… but instead, you feel more desperate. Desperate to keep him with you, to get something out of this long-running crush.

You pull back a little, wipe your face and cup his face with both hands. Xavier is so beautiful, like stars in the sky and flowers under the sun. You love him, you can admit that now.

You really, really want him.

Enabled by the wine, you lean closer to him, not quite touching yet, but you can feel his warm breath on your skin.

Xavier, to your surprise, does not pull away. He stays frozen in place, with his eyes flicking back and forth between your eyes and your lips.

You feel all weird inside. He is not rejecting you this time. Well, not like Xavier ever rejects you blatantly, but he usually keeps a respectful distance. And well, not like you ever got this bold.

The blush on his face turns darker and redder with every passing second, growing hot under your palms.

You swallow, mustering up all the courage you have with the aid of wine. You lean closer and closer until your nose is touching his, and your lips are barely a centimetre away. 

Just when Xavier leans in as well, you stop hesitating, stop testing, and slam your lips against his, pulling him into a fierce kiss.

He tastes sweet and bitter at the same time, the lingering aftertaste of the alcohol on his tongue overwhelms all your senses and sends you into a state of blissfulness.

You have waited so long for this day, for the day you can finally have him like this.

Xavier kisses you back, his hands desperately grabbing your waist like he is drowning in the sea and you are the last lifesaver.

You push him down on the cold palace floor as you keep kissing him until Xavier is lying on his back, completely pinned down by you.

Dazed, you finally pull away when you run out of oxygen. You are sure Xavier is the same because he is left gasping for air when you and he part.

His eyes are glassy, his lips slightly swollen, and both his face and ears are flushed.

You really want to kiss him again. And so you do.

You grab his collar and pull him back into another passionate kiss, this time with tongue. Poking at his lips, you demand entrance, and Xavier, too blissed out to refuse, opens his mouth for you.

During the first kiss, your tongue barely brushes against his, and that was enough to send your brain and heart into a frenzy. But now, as you tongue and his dance alongside each other, something inside your brain has seemingly snapped.

"I want you…" You whisper to him, voice shaking. "I really want you, Xavier."

"I…" Xavier tries to speak, but ends up swallowing his words.

"You… you don't have to want me… just allow me to have you this time is enough." Your heart hurts, but you don't want to pressure him into lying that he feels the same. 

You pull back and look into his eyes. The blue of his eyes is too bright, and the white bloodshot from drinking too much. 

"Just tell me, Xavier… yes or no?" You ask desperately, hoping for a 'Yes'. You don't need him to love you, you just want closure to this silly little crush that you have clung to for too many years now.

Your fists squeeze his collar, the black turtleneck he usually wears under his Lightseeker's uniform, which is somehow partially open. Maybe you opened it when you were kissing him, drunk and carelessly.

He looks down for a moment, and you can tell that he is thinking about your words. His hands, however, subconsciously squeeze your waist again, tugging you closer.

"Xavier…?" You call him, lifting his face up and looking into those blue eyes, trying to get an answer.

He does not say anything, but there is a spark of determination in his glassy eyes. So instead of giving you a "Yes", he pulls you back into a searing kiss, arms tightly wrapped around you.

Shocked by his response, you freeze for a moment before kissing him back, starting to unbutton his Lightseeker uniform completely, revealing more of the black turtleneck.

Xavier's hands slide down to your thighs and grab onto them tightly, lifting you with him when he stands up. Xavier sets you down on the table, knocking over some dishes and glasses, but you pay them no mind.

You just want to keep kissing him… and then maybe doing other things.

That thought makes a giggle bubble up your throat and escape your lips. Xavier huffs, swallowing your laugh before asking why you are laughing.

"It's nothing… come back in here…" You pull him back in roughly, claiming those lips once more.

"No, tell me…" He breaks away for a short moment, but you scowl and try to reach for him.

Xavier knocks his nose against yours, letting out a warm breath. The scent of alcohol hits you, and you have to close your eyes for a second.

"I want more now…" You admit, pressing your body to his while Xavier moves to stand between your thighs. You cup his nape with one hand, the other pulling on the black turtleneck to untuck it from his trousers, revealing his abs.

He has been training more recently, and the little softness he had during some less busy days has all disappeared. You always wondered what it would feel like to touch him here whenever you saw him training shirtless.

Oh well, soft or not, you will happily touch him tonight. Your mouth waters at just the mere thought of it.

His breath hitches slightly when your cool, slightly cold palm presses against his hot skin, and Xavier gulps. His eyes are watching you closely, and yet, you can tell he is not that focused.

You push your hand up into his turtleneck.

Xavier gasps, arching a little when your palm completely covers the right side of his chest.

"You're so much warmer here…" You murmur, rubbing a little until you feel brave enough to touch and tease his nipple.

He moans softly, hunching over and touching his forehead with your head. But he is not pulling away at all. He is actually leaning into your hand.

So, you take your hands back and start stripping his uniform off. Xavier is panting where he stands, but he lets you do whatever you want to him. The uniform is soon thrown to the floor, leaving him in his leather trousers and turtleneck.

You tug the neck down and lean closer, kissing his pulse point. Your wandering hands move around, slowly pulling his turtleneck up with the hem.

Xavier raises his arms to let you take it off fully, leaving him shirtless and huffing in the middle of your chamber. His chest is faintly pink where you grabbed him.

You wrap your arms around his waist to tug him back to you, attaching your mouth to his neck where you suck a hickey. Xavier groans deep in his throat, his fingers digging into your sides.

It goes on for seemingly a long time, him gripping your body for support, and you assaulting his neck with kisses and bites. When you lean back, a good part of his upper body has been covered in love marks.

.

.

.

…love marks?

.

.

.

Well, maybe not love, or not mutual at least. But still your marks on him regardless.

You stay there, breathing heavily, while Xavier looks at you strangely. You don't want him to be scared and back off.

You want him to stay and finish this with you.

But Xavier just reaches for the bottle of wine and chugs the rest of the contents before slamming the empty thing down behind you as he smashes his lips against yours. Shocked, you barely even feel him lifting you off the table and carrying you to the bed.

You are tightly holding onto him, so Xavier has to bend and follow you to the bed to lay you down. And that's how you pull him down with you, causing him to straddle you while the kiss goes on heatedly.

You moan into his mouth, biting his lips and trying to suck on his tongue. And Xavier just lets you. He bends to your whims very often, but to this extent…

Your thought gets cut off when Xavier's hands move behind your back and start to unzip your dress. Straightening ever so slightly, you bite his jaw and let him do it.

Quickly enough, the top of your dress pools around your hips, and his face is pressing to your neck and collarbones, slowly making its way to your chest. You tilt your head back, giving him more access.

It must be the wine, you think to yourself, that makes him so bold and forward. And of course, makes him come onto you like this.

The usual Xavier would never. He is too reserved and gentle, and…

…already has a beloved.

You hope his beloved will forgive you. And him too, you suppose.

You groan when he bites your shoulder before soothing it with his tongue. Then he peers behind your back, where he is resting his chin to take off your bra, fingers quick and nimble.

You want to know how they would feel inside you.

The bra falls, and he throws it to the floor, immediately putting his face in its place, licking and sucking on your breasts. Your hand find its way to his hair and tugs on the silver locks, making Xavier whimper against your skin.

Fuck… you did not know he was capable of making such sounds. Not even when he got injured. And now he is whimpering on your tits.

He looks up, locking his dazed eyes with you, right before opening his mouth to take your nipple in and sucking on it obediently.

You ruffle his hair, petting his head while enjoying the blissful feeling of having your crush's mouth on you like this. But you bet his mouth will feel even better somewhere else…

A giggle escapes you. Ugh, must be the alcohol.

Xavier pays that no mind and continues to suck on your chest, moving from one nipple to another. One of his hands joins the fun and plays with the unattended little bud, giving you double the stimulation.

Not wanting to stay passive, you lower your hands to find the waistband of his trousers and unbuckle his belt. Xavier nips at your nipple in retaliation, but you ignore that and go on to unbutton them.

Xavier pushes you down the mattress, his mouth never stops working on your chest. Meanwhile, you push his trousers down past his hips and then butt, but then you cannot reach any further to pull them off completely.

So, Xavier abandons your chest for a quick moment and gets rid of them himself. He is only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs now, and…

Something is bulging in there.

You salivate at the thought. He has gotten all hard just from kissing and sucking your chest.

Seeing you licking your lips, his eyes darken, and he crawls back to you, almost trapping you in his arms and under his body. But his body language is not aggressive, and he looks like he is waiting for you to make the first move this time as well.

You lift his chin and take a look at how swollen his lips are and how the marks you have left on him are littering his neck and chest. He looks even more beautiful like this.

"Do you… like what you're seeing, Your Majesty?" He asks in a low, breathless voice.

It makes you huff. He is using the title again. It makes you feel like you are taking advantage of your Grandis Knight.

"I told you… I'm not your Queen tonight…" You scowl, gripping his chin even more tightly. 

Xavier just smiles and dips his head down to lick your thumb.

"I'm sorry,…" He whispers your name, and you feel calm again.

You flip your position with him. Now Xavier is on his back on the bed while you straddle his stomach and kiss him hard. The alcohol really makes you a lot bolder, you think to yourself.

Xavier mumbles something inaudibly as he tugs your dress all the way down, leaving you in just your underwear now. All fair, you guess, since he is almost naked, too.

He kisses between your boobs, down to your stomach, nuzzling against it like a cat. You arch your back, moaning softly while he puts a few love marks on your tummy and hips.

And why is he marking you up so much? You don't know. But the way his mouth and hands touch you, it feels borderline obsessive.

"May I?" His fingers are hooked to your underwear.

You feel dizzy. The dizziest you have felt after drinking the wine. He is literally begging to take your underwear off. The whole time, you have been the one to take the initiative. But now? Maybe that last bit of wine really affects his brain.

You nod. There is no turning back for you, and you don't want to turn back either. As long as he agrees, you will have him.

Xavier slides the piece of fabric off your body, and you lift your legs to assist. You are completely naked now. 

When you look back up at him, a wave of dizziness washes over you, forcing you to sit down, and you almost fall flat on top of him. But to your shock, you have landed directly on something hard and poking at your skin.

You gulp.

Xavier, on the other hand, exhales and grips your hips more tightly. 

.

No turning back now.

.

Your hands reach out to grab his shoulders to steady your body, and then you start grinding on top of his clothed boner. He moans, panting harshly as his hips move with you even though he is trying to hold himself back.

"Are… are you sure…?" He asks, straining himself to hold back.

"Yes, I am sure." You try to speak firmly through the haze of alcohol. You might be drunk, but you know damn well you want Xavier.

"No turning back?"

"No turning back."

You kiss him and full-on grind against his bulge, catching Xavier off guard. But he recovers quickly, sucking on your tongue when you push it into his mouth.

He lets a low, breathy moan slip from his lips, and you catch it with your own. Then, you continue to advance, pulling him closer and closer as if trying to merge him with your own body.

Your bare core is dripping all over him, making his already-wet underwear even more drenched. He already feels so good like this, twitching and leaking under this piece of fabric.

As it drags on, Xavier slowly gets up and helps you sit down on the mattress while he hovers above you. Your hands find his waistband and strip him of the last coverage on his body.

His cock springs free, glistening with pre-cum in the soft lighting. You look down and slowly reach for it, testing his reactions.

Xavier stays still until your hand wraps around him, and then he moans softly. You pump your hand up and down around him, spreading his pre-cum out evenly. Meanwhile, unable to hold back, he thrusts into your hand, panting desperately.

"Feels good?" You ask, surging forward to kiss his neck and give it a quick bite.

"Yeah... really… good…" He groans, lowering his head onto your shoulder.

His thrusts get faster and faster while his moans fill the room, mixed with the wet sounds of your hand stroking him. A needy whine falls from his lips, and Xavier bites down on your shoulder to suppress the embarrassing noise.

"I… I can't…" He croaks out, but his hips are still moving, slamming against your hand. His cock twitches, and you think he is close.

"You can… Cum for me…" You whisper, feeling strangely ecstatic. Maybe it is because you have dreamt of this day for so long, having him wrapped around your fingers, begging and panting pitifully.

"Ahhh… hahh…" He jolts suddenly, gasping and arching as he cums announced. Sticky translucent liquid coats your hand, making it even more slippery. You keep it going for a few more seconds, prolonging his orgasm, until his face twists, starting to show how overstimulating it is. 

Then you let go.

He leans on you, trying to catch his breath. His dick is still half hard, twitching involuntarily. You rest your chin on his shoulder, nuzzling quietly, sniffing in his scent. The smell of alcohol is still strong, but his natural scent is starting to overwhelm it.

Then, Xavier turns his head to look at you with half-lidded, glassy eyes. You hold gaze with him, trying to figure out what he wants.

"Did you have fun?" He asks gently.

You nod, smiling a little as you caress the blush on his left cheek. Xavier nuzzles against your hand, kissing your palm.

"Can I… do something too?" He requests.

In the dim light of your room, Xavier does not look like a faraway star anymore. He has always seemed too out of your reach, like a distant planet in a vast galaxy where the skies bloom flowers and the ground is clouds, soft like cotton. And the wind there would carry the music of joyful birds through mountains made from lovers' vows.

But right now, he looks… Xavier. Utterly and wholly Xavier. Gentle, sweet, vulnerable Xavier. Your Xavier.

His right hand moves to grab your waist, but you barely even feel his touch. He calls your name, asking one more time, and you agree to him.

So, he lays you down in the bed and starts kissing, nibbling, sucking his way from your jaw to your stomach, leaving faint pink marks in his wake. His hands hold onto your ass, pulling you closer and closer to himself with every touch of his lips.

Xavier stops before he reaches your hips, looking up as if asking for permission once more. You nod again, wanting to see what a drunk Xavier would do with all this freedom given to him.

"Thank you…" His voice is light as feathers, gliding through the air and caressing your ears. You relax.

He dips his head down to kiss slowly around your hips to your pubic area. Your unshaved hair tickles his face, yet he does not seem to mind it. His hands tenderly part your legs, pushing them apart to reveal what is inside.

For a brief moment, you feel shy. But it quickly disappears when Xavier lands the first kiss on your inner thighs and then looks up at you with his pretty eyes and adorable red face.

He is exactly where you have been wanting him to be.

His teeth graze your soft skin before it gets marked with a fresh love bite. You cry out a little, but it only makes you more aroused. Xavier quickly looks up to make sure you are okay before continuing to nibble closer and closer to your most sensitive part.

Your eyes bore into his head, where his fluffy silver hair is hiding most of what he is doing to your lower body. Occasionally, Xavier looks up, and you can tell he is slowly losing control of himself by the gaze of his eyes.

He seems to be taking his sweet time, still attaching to your thighs and not where you want him the most. Getting impatient, you give his head a little push while gripping his hair, and Xavier's face is now on your pussy.

He raises his eyes just once more to look at you, his tongue poking out and touching your clit. You nod again, more firmly this time, and Xavier sticks his tongue out to lick.

It is experimental, in your opinion. You don't know if he has had experience with that mysterious beloved of his, but he seems to be taking it slow at first. Yet, it still makes you moan audibly.

But you know it instantly when Xavier switches it up and becomes bolder. He presses his tongue flat to your folds, licking up decisively before burying his face in your cunt and eating you out like a starved man.

You swear you scream right there and then, already sensitive after that long makeout session and jerking him off. One of your hands grabs his hair, pulling hard, while the other fists around the sheet, squeezing.

For one moment, you manage to catch sight of your reserved, proper, composed Knight smothering himself in your pussy, hair dishevelled, body tensed up as he feasts like a man who finds fresh water after wandering the desert for days. You cannot even see his face, only feel and hear him, sucking and licking your cunt like it is the tastiest thing in the universe.

His fingers join his mouth at your heat, one of them sliding in first and slowly thrusting in and out. Another one pushes in after, and Xavier scissors them open, stretching you out. His free hand keeps your leg spread, giving him space to move around as he wishes.

You yank on his hair as you buck up, groaning feverishly. This is the best you have been pleasured, and to think it will be the only time ever…

No time for sad thoughts, you need to enjoy this skilled mouth and tongue to the fullest. So you grind on his face, using him like a toy to get yourself off while Xavier continues to eat you out. 

The orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, and you black out for a few seconds. You are not sure if you cum or not, but when you can open your eyes again, Xavier is gently licking you up and cleaning whatever mess you have made down there.

His fingers are resting inside you, not moving anymore, and only now do you notice that he has put one more inside you, making it three fingers.

The orgasm was just that crazy, you muse to yourself.

You push yourself up, grabbing Xavier, who is cleaning his face with his unoccupied hand, and kiss him some more, tasting yourself on his lips and tongue. The sudden action causes him to remove his fingers from your cunt to grab onto you, trying to steady himself.

When he pulls away, panting heavily to catch his breath, you can see clearly the messy state he is in. Wild hair, dazed eyes, swollen lips, face glistening with your juices.

He looks perfect.

Xavier takes a look at his dirty hand and decides to lick it clean, right before your eyes. The whole time, you can only stare at his fingers and tongue, which are very pink and wet, sliding against one another.

You snap.

"No more playing, Xavier…" You tug hard on his arm, turning his attention fully back to you.

Immediately, you bite the side of his neck, then slowly trail back to his jaw and his lips. Xavier holds you flush to his body, starting to lay you down on the bed once more as he settles down between your legs.

You reach down and grab his length once more, wanting to stimulate him enough to make him fully hard again. But it seems to be unnecessary, as he has gotten all bricked up from eating you out.

"Fuck me." You say without hesitation. "Now."

He whines against your lips, hips still moving as you line his cock up with your entrance. Tonight, Xavier is yours, for the first and the last time.

He tilts his head and kisses below your ear, then down to your neck, nibbling gently. With a careless thrust, his tip touches your fluttering hole, sliding in slowly. 

You gasp, bracing yourself when you realise his size might be a bit challenging for you. The girth…

"Breathe…" He mumbles into your ear, reminding you.

And so you do. Breathe. Relax. Hold onto him.

Xavier takes his time, making sure you are comfortable taking him in, moving at snail's pace. You adjust to him inch by inch, trying your best not to be impatient.

It does not hurt.

He is frowning in concentration, holding himself back from thrusting in.

But at last, he is finally hilt deep inside you, staying still for you to keep adjusting. You huff in breath after breath, shifting a little to feel comfortable.

Xavier helps you before using his thumb to rub your clit, making you jump in surprise.

"Hahh… what…?"

"Shhh… just enjoy it…" He whispers in a weak voice, sounding forced.

You nod to him, moaning softly while your pussy throbs, clenching and unclenching until the stimulation works, and you signal for him to move.

Xavier does not waste time once he gets your permission, sliding in and out rhythmically. You wrap your arms around his neck, encouraging him to go faster.

So, he speeds up, snapping his hips against you while you drag him back into a kiss. Xavier gasps when you clench hard around him, and you take advantage of that to slide your tongue into his mouth.

"Hmm… ahh…" He groans your name, whimpering when you bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. The kiss now tastes of copper, and the scent mixed with the influence of alcohol turns you feral.

He is leaving tomorrow. He is leaving you, and somehow you are fucking him in your own chamber, both drunk and desperate.

You hold onto him more tightly, kissing him more deeply as his cock is still drilling into you. And maybe, you wish, if you and Xavier fuck hard enough tonight, he would not have the strength and will to leave you tomorrow.

Just maybe. Maybe he would stay.

Tears escape your eyes, turning the kiss all wet and salty. His movements never stop, only speeding up, fucking you deep and hard.

He must know why you are crying. And yet…

Xavier abruptly turns his head and bites your neck, giving you a hickey there. The bite hurts, and you cry out in pain.

But you love it. You want it. You even wish he would continue to bite you some more. However, Xavier lifts his head and starts kissing your tears away, turning back into his gentle self, shushing you quietly.

His arms wrap around you, holding you against his chest while he continues to move, thrusting into you as deep as he can. Xavier buries his face in your hair, murmuring something you cannot make out.

You don't care that much anyway. You already know nothing you do will change his decision. But you really, really want to be selfish for once and keep him locked up in your room, forever bound to your body like this. 

But he is his own person, as you are yours, and you and he are not even dating. Having him like this, you should be satisfied and let him go.

(And you know you will never be able to do that.)

Xavier reaches down with one hand to rub your little rosebud, his cock still ramming into you almost uncontrollably. His other hand cups your face and brings you into the last kiss he will ever share with you.

Everything disappears, and there is only you and him remaining. No more Philos, no more Wanderers, no more responsibilities. Just Xavier and you.

You are lost in bliss and ecstasy when you finally reach your peak, tightening around him as you cum, spilling out right before Xavier does too. He moans into your mouth, still thrusting mindlessly until both you and he feel overstimulated and he is forced to stop.

It seems like all of his strength leaves his body with that final thrust, and Xavier collapses half on top of you. The tired man nuzzles your shoulder before lifting his hips to slip out and move himself off your body to lie next to you.

Exhausted, both from drinking too much and the intense sex, you don't even bother with anything else and pass out immediately.

Halfway into your dream, you can still feel phantom hands gathering you and pulling you close to a warm body, with a soft kiss landing on your temple.

But before you can understand what is going on, darkness swallows you whole.

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

When morning comes, the ray of sunlight hits you in the eyes and forces you to wake up. You sit up, rubbing your eyes and groaning when your head starts pounding.

Right… the wine…

.

.

.

"XAVIER!" You yell when you realise what has happened and frantically look around to find him.

But the whole chamber is empty except for you. There is no one else to be found.

You look down at yourself, dressed in a soft nightgown and…

"Clean?" You mutter when you check your body, finding no trace of the wild, impulsive sex you had last night with your friend, who is also your Grandis Knight.

Even the bed is clean.

And now you start to doubt your memory. What if last night was just a dream you had?

You get off your bed, wanting to check around the room. But the sight of a cup of hangover relief on your nightstand catches your eye first, and you pick it up after some thought.

You drink it. The taste of honey soothes your dry throat right away. But the headache is still hammering in your skull, and you doubt any remedy can cure that quickly.

Your dress from yesterday… You find it on the coat hanger. Upon a closer inspection, there is a small rip on the side at the waist.

Xavier did grab that part very hard last night when you were making out with him, according to your hazy memory. Wanting to confirm it some more, you push through the headache and make a beeline to the table in the middle of your chamber.

All the food and utensils are gone, but you can still see a small dent on the surface right where Xavier must have slammed the wine bottle down last night.

You definitely had sex with him and then cried your eyes out while fucking him.

A knock on the door startles you.

"Your Majesty!" A maid calls. "The ceremony is in an hour."

The ceremony, right, and Xavier will leave at that exact moment, too. You look out your window, casting your eyes in the direction where you know his ship is located.

Xavier truly has left you, even though he is still on Philos. 

You did not expect him to stay until you woke up, but it still hurts to think about it. But who cleaned you up?

The only logical answer is Xavier himself. The maids cannot enter your chamber without permission. No one can. And you doubt Xavier would have been bold enough to open the door to call them in and clean you up after having sex with you.

You sigh to yourself. No use dwelling on what happened last night anymore. Him not staying until you woke up can only mean one thing - he is leaving. He is probably on the ship to prepare for departure now.

You take a deep breath and call your maids in. Time to get ready for the ceremony. 

FIN.

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

I always welcome comments (directly here or on my strawpage at alexlittlestar.straw.page) so don't hesitate to leave me a few words ☺️ (read: I need validation and motivation to write)

​

[xavierlumiere]

📲: Xavie, there's this lady that called me. Asked to confirm table tonight at 7pm.

📲: What's that? Do you know? Was it a scammer?

📲: She said table for two in that restaurant near hunter association

📲: Don't tell me you scheduled a date for us...

📲: No need for it to be this fancy, you know I was okay with gaming or movie nights?

📲: But I get it. Won't it be the first "date-date" as an official couple?

📲: I'm nervous now

/I think we need a change of scene for these two

📲 …U werent supposed to find out like that

📲 Its not a scammer, starlight. Its me. I made the reservation

📲 I know U said ur happy with our game nights… and i am too more than U probably realize. But… i wanted to do something different this time. Something that feels like a clear line between before and now

📲 Our first real date as… us

📲 U dont have to worry about it being too fancy. I chose that place because it’s quiet and i can actually hear U laugh without distractions. Thats the only thing I really care about

📲 And if U get nervous…

📲 ill probably be worse

📲 So we can just be awkward together i think id like that

📲 …Will U still come with me?

[k-dok]

📲: okay... so it was you

📲: isn't that place pricey? Simone was there before with her date, she said it's really... biting

📲: ☹️💔

📲: I love you. If it's really too much, we can cancel and go to other place

[Typing...]

📲: Im not sure if I have something fancy to wear...

📲: it's so cute that you did it, really ;( I feel baaaaad because I should've come up with that idea first

📲: I'm coming with you, of course.

📲: you're so cute and attentive and romantic... I feel like bursting from joy right now...

📲:🥹😢

[xavierlumiere]

📲 Dont start feeling bad, okay? U didnt “miss” anything. I didnt do it because U didnt. I did it because I wanted to 😢

📲 And about the price… dont worry about it. I already planned for it, and I wouldnt have picked somewhere thatd make things uncomfortable for us. Worst case? We eat, decide its overrated, and go grab something simple after. Id still count that as a perfect night because im with U

📲 As for what to wear… 💭

📲 U could show up in the same thing you wear for our movie nights and id still forget how to breathe for a second so really, anything U feel good in is already more than enough for me

📲 U said U love me so casually just now 👀

📲 I love U too, starlight. Probably in that overwhelming, slightly terrifying way where my chest feels too full

📲 And knowing ur excited, that might be the part that makes me the most nervous now nervous

📲 ill come get U before 7, alright 👍🏻

📲 Try not to burst before then. id like U in one piece for our first date ☺️

📲 💙

[k-dok]

She laughed at the messages, pressing the phone to her forehead before replying back.

📲: okay. Okay. I'm going to get ready.

📲: please don't get nervous, it's just me, right?

📲: I did say it casually. And you did too

📲: it's cute. You're cute...

And then... the chaos begun. Throwing all the clothes on her bed, trying to find something fitting. Her eyes analyzed what she has: sweatpants, jeans, shorts. No, no, no, that doesn't look well.

Biting on her lip, she, with little run, appeared in front of her closet again. Hands on her hips. Now... what can she do?

First date. Expensive restaurant.

She should look breathtaking.

She barely has any dresses or skirts in her wardrobe though... and no fitting shoes either.

With loud sigh, she dialed Tara — she probably should have something for her. Please.

After a long time of checking and putting on various dresses and skirts Tara has, she had found one that really made her heart beat faster and pink color creep to her cheeks. Xavier will like it.

And when the door opened in front of him, there she was — her hair curled, her makeup is way more blunt than usual eyeliner-lipstick combo (not without Tara's help), her (Tara's) black dress with tge U cut that hugged her waist too nicely and some black high heels she hoped she won't trip in.

Her gaze watched him, analyzing his reaction. Clearing her throat, she patted her hips.

"Uh, I... thank you for, uhm... scheduling it all...?", she murmured shyly, aware of his gaze and her not-so-usual attire.

[xavierlumiere]

Before he even gets to her door, Xavier is… not as put-together as he’d like to pretend. He stands in front of his closet longer than necessary, staring at options he normally wouldn’t think twice about. Everything he owns is neat, functional, and precise. But tonight, that suddenly feels insufficient. Too plain and way too… safe.

His fingers hover over a few shirts before finally selecting one, something clean, structured, but softer in tone than usual. He changes once …then again. The second time is more subtle. Same base, different jacket. He studies his reflection like he’s assessing a mission variable rather than getting ready for a date.

But there’s a faint crease between his brows. Not good enough. He adjusts his collar. Fixes it. Then fixes it again. Hair, combed, then slightly undone, then corrected. There’s a moment where he just stands there, staring at himself in the mirror.

Not checking appearance this time. Just thinking. He exhales slowly, then his phone buzzes. Her messages. He reads them once.

Then again. “You’re cute…" He goes still. His thumb hovers over the screen like he might respond, but he doesn’t. If he starts, he might say too much. Or worse, overthink it. So instead, he locks the phone.

Wallet. Reservation confirmation. Check. He slips into his shoes, grabs his coat, but right before he leaves… He pauses at the door. Hand on the handle. I should text her.

📲 see U soon

📲 like soon soon

He heads down the elevator. Holding his phone and wallet so tight that his hands start to sweat.

Xavier freezes for a second when the door opens. His eyes flicker over her once… and then again. Oh. Oh.

He hadn’t been nervous before. Not really. He told himself it was just dinner. Just her. That was clearly a miscalculation. His hand tightens faintly, “You…” He starts, then stops, “You said not to get nervous,” he murmurs. “That was… unfair.”

There’s the faintest tilt of his head, “You look …stunning feels inadequate.” His eyes soften just a little more at the way she fidgets, the way her words come out shy and unsure... so different from the confident image she’s presenting.

“I should be thanking you,” he replies quietly. “For agreeing to go at all. And for ignoring your own advice,” he adds, gaze flicking briefly to the dress before returning to her eyes, “because if this is you being just you...” He straightens slightly, offering his arm, “Shall we? Before I forget how to function entirely, starlight.”

[k-dok]

For a moment she just stares. Her hand frozen on the handle, not sure if she should open it wider or... just stay here.

She takes him in. His appearance.

Her eyes glide from his face (and red cheeks with red ears she thought were cute) to his outfit. More official than usually.

Both of them were "more" than their usual appearance and image. It was much more serious, in a way. No casual style, no matching hoodies or pajamas, which only enforced this great weight of their new status — as a couple. She pursed her lips, still in daze.

"I—.. Y-you look, uhm... g-great, you—..."

She clears her throat, blinking quickly as if it would help to regain her consciousness. It was funny in some way: both of them wearing something they wouldn't wear at all, and getting shy while looking at each other.

She could feel her cheeks burning — now it dusted with more red color (and it looked catastrophic given blush Tara applied on her cheeks). Now she wondered if it was too much, wondered if it was "hers". Maybe, she should've tried less...

Despite the "bold" (bold for her) appearance, she was no near it. She felt shy. He probably could hear her heart beating and hitting her ribs.

She glanced at the arm he had offered. Bite of her lip.

Hesitantly, she encircled her own around his, stepping outside of apartment. Closing the door after herself, she glanced at him. Strong scent of his cologne hit her nostrils.

"Was it even his?" she wondered. Xavier never applied such strong scented ones.

Glaring at him again, she bit her cheek from inside. He took her breath away. And he planned a date for them.

"Y-you look good"

...

Awkwardness creeped up to her. She couldn't afford let him think this was her — his comment still swirling in her head. Well, she just wanted to be truthful.

"I will be honest, those are not mine. I got these from Tara and she made my makeup and now I feel too dolled up. Too dolled up", she murmured shyly as they waited for the elevator.

"I figured you would like it. So... I asked her to. But now I feel shy to think if it is too much. Actually, I nearly burnt my hand when I was doing my curls," she chuckled quietly, watching his reaction, "It's hard with medium length hair and–... yeah. But if you like it, then... I-I am happy. You know? I—... well... yeah"

...

"You look nice. Makes me want to kiss you"

[xavierlumiere]

When she starts rambling, his gaze shifts to her, especially when she says it’s not really her. There’s a subtle change in his expression. By the time she finishes, the elevator doors still haven’t opened yet.

Good, because when she adds that last line... “Makes me want to kiss you.” His breath falters. Just slightly. His eyes flick to her immediately, “…That,” he says quietly, “is a dangerous thing to say before we’ve even left the building.”

There’s the faintest shift as he turns more toward her, closing the already small distance between them. His free hand lifts and pauses near her face.

“You think this isn’t you,” he murmurs, eyes flicking briefly over her makeup, the dress, the effort, then back to her eyes. “But you went through all of that… because you wanted to see me. That’s more you than anything else.”

His fingers finally move, brushing a stray curl near her cheek back into place. “I would have looked at you the same way if you opened that door in your usual clothes. But I understand why you did this.”

His thumb shifts, just slightly, like he’s resisting the urge to linger longer against her skin.

“And I do like it.”

The elevator dings. Neither of them moves immediately. His gaze drops to her lips, then back up, like he caught himself. “…We should go,” he says, though he hasn’t stepped back yet.

“If you still want to kiss me after dinner, I won’t stop you.”

[k-dok]

She couldn't help, but feel nervousness over being this close to him. When he stepped in closer, fixing her stray curl, she looked into his eyes, feeling soft breath brushing her lips. The proximity alone brought heat to her cheeks, even though she would be too stubborn to accept it.

She was ready to lean into his touch and melt into him, when the elevator dings and doors spread open. Glaring at the family with a toddler near to the entrance, ready to enter, she nods at his note — they should get going. She felt embarrassment upon exchanging glances with the neighbors (almost like they saw something illegal), she followed him shyly to walk from the building.

Walking outside, her heels clicked against the ground loudly and she would rather die than disrupt comfortable silence with this loud noise. She looked up at him, noticing if he had paid attention to it. Her arm hugged his bicep slightly tighter. God, what a catastrophe. Was he minding it?

Yet... even with these heels on, she still needed to look up to find his gaze. She had always known he was tall, but now, put in this perspective, she found it even more appealing. Attractive, even.

Clear of throat.

"... So, uhm... how did the restaurant lady ended up calling me instead of you? Did you give my number?" she murmured, locking gazes with him as they were walking across the street, "...I am happy to go on a date with you. Don't be nervous, please"

[xavierlumiere]

The moment they step out of the building, Xavier is aware of two things at once. The sound of her heels and the way her arm tightens around his. “The sound doesn’t bother me,” he says before she can spiral too far, “it tells me where you are. As if I would lose track.”

When she looks up at him like that, asking her question, reassuring him in the same breath… he exhales softly, “I gave them your number, yes. But only because I assumed you’d want control over the details,” he adds, glancing down at her briefly. “Menu preferences. Timing. The option to cancel if you changed your mind.”

They pause slightly at the crossing, waiting for the signal. The city hums around them, “I didn’t want you to feel… cornered into it.”

Then she says it again. Don’t be nervous. There’s something almost ironic in it, the way she’s clinging to him, clearly just as affected… and still trying to steady him. “…You think I’m nervous,” he repeats quietly. He shifts his arm just enough so her hold on him is more secure.

“I am,” he admits, "but not because I don’t want to be here.” The light changes. They start walking again, “it’s because I do.”

His hand shifts slightly, just enough that his fingers brush briefly, against hers where they rest on his arm, “you don’t have to try so hard to make this perfect,” he says more gently. “I already wanted this before you ever put those heels on... and I still want it now.”

[k-dok]

She looks up at him when he says it. Her lips part in amazed nature. How did he guess it? Pressing her lips together, she looked away shyly, nodding. Perhaps, it was silent way of thanking him for calming her down.

"..I would never cancel. I would love to go on a date with you. I am going now. So—... I wouldn't cancel. But it's nice you, uhm... considered it. It's so... nice of you. Yes..."

She just follows his step, as her gaze was fully focused on him and not tripping. Fairly, the heels she wore weren't that high, yet the placement of the heel itself made it slightly uncomfortable to walk.

His words make her feel even more nervous. They calmed her, yet made her more nervous as well. Why is he so perfect?

Badump. Badump.

Her cheeks probably were red now.

"Ah... t-thank you. I am not worried and I'm not nervous. Okay, I am. But it's also because I want this. And... I am not sure how to behave. It's different from hot pot we ate when we were friends... right?"

Perhaps, both of them felt the need to specify that difference, hence why both of them wen overboard with trying today. It was important.

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier listens without interrupting. It’s becoming a pattern for him. Not because he has nothing to say, but because the way she tries, the way she stumbles through honesty, correcting herself, admitting things halfway and then fully.

When she mentions the hot pot, though… that’s when he finally exhales a quiet breath. “…It is different,” he agrees. His pace slows just slightly, matching hers. He’s noticing the way she’s concentrating on her steps, the unfamiliar rhythm of the heels. Without making a point of it, he adjusts.

But his attention returns to her face. “The setting is different. The intention is… clearer.” His voice softens on that. “We’re both more aware of what this is supposed to be.” His gaze lingers on her a moment longer.

“That’s what’s making it feel unfamiliar.” They walk a few more steps before he continues, “But you’re still you and I’m still me. The part that mattered at that hot pot place,” he adds, glancing down at her briefly, “wasn’t the food.” It was that I wanted to be there with you. That hasn’t changed.”

The city noise fills the space for a moment, but it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. “This is just making us overthink something we were already doing correctly.” His eyes flicker to her again, “You don’t need to behave any differently. Unless you plan to say more things like earlier. Then I might have to reconsider my self-control.”

—

They finally reach the restaurant. The restaurant doors slide open. The warm glow of low lighting spills over them, soft gold against polished surfaces. The quiet murmur of conversations, the faint clink of glasses, the subtle scent of something rich and carefully prepared.

And from the way she stiffens just slightly beside him… Xavier notices. His gaze flicks to her. Without saying anything, his arm shifts again, grounding her presence against him just a little more securely as they step inside. “You’re with me,” he murmurs quietly.

A hostess approaches, greeting them politely. Xavier’s demeanor changes almost imperceptibly. He gives their reservation name. But his hand? It doesn’t leave her. Even when they’re led through the restaurant. Even when eyes briefly glance their way. He notices that too. And just slightly, his fingers press more firmly against hers. A silent I’m here.

When they reach the table, the hostess gestures toward their seats. Xavier doesn’t sit immediately. Instead, he steps slightly ahead of her, pulling her chair out. His eyes meet hers briefly before she sits down.

[k-dok]

It felt new. To be in restaurant this fine with him. Glancing around warily, she could see some tables discussing some business deal. Some couples at other tables. Some girls at another. Everyone looked solid, sipping on that wine.

His voice brought her back as she nodded.

Xavier always had this gentle commanding aura, but now? It felt even more noticeable. In a way she couldn't explain. He was doing everything so nothing could go wrong on their date. That was... cute.

She was ready to sit, when Xavier rushed to her side to pull the chair for her. Froze on the spot, she glances at him shyly.

"I was about to—"

And then, suddenly, Tara's advice rang in her head. Something about "letting him do stuff for you".

Biting down on her lip, quiet "thank you escaped her lips", as she sat down.

"I, uh... the place is nice. I never was here before. W-were you here before?" she asked quietly, as her shaking hands found menu, fumbling the pages in worry (mixed with excitement).

Sitting across him in this setting... the dim lighting, the fancy music, the outfit he wore... the perfume. It all hit in a strange way. Way that brought more redness to her cheeks.

"You... you... look good. Xavier, really good..."

[xavierlumiere]

Xavier notices everything at once. The way she freezes when he pulls the chair. The almost-protest that dies on her lips. The quiet thank you that follows instead. And that… makes something in his chest ease.

Not because he needs to do things for her, but because she lets him. He doesn’t comment on it. Just gives a small, almost imperceptible nod as she sits.

When she asks about the restaurant, his gaze lifts from the menu again, settling on her. “I’ve been here,” he answers simply. “A few times. Work-related. Meetings. Nothing like this.” His tone shifts slightly on that last part.

Then she fumbles the menu. His eyes drop to her hands for a second, the slight shake, the nervous energy she’s trying to hide, and he gently slides his own menu a little closer to the center of the table. A silent offer. “We can look together,” he says. “It’s easier that way.”

And then she says it again. You look good. Xavier stills just for a second. His gaze lifts slowly to her face, and there’s something in his expression that wasn’t there before, less composed, less guarded. Like each time she says it, it chips away at that control he keeps so carefully.

“…You’ve said that three times now,” he murmurs. His head tilts slightly, the blush, the way she avoids holding eye contact too long, the way her fingers still cling to the edge of the menu like it’s a lifeline.

“…Are you trying to convince me,” he continues quietly, “or yourself? Because I already believe you.” His fingers rest lightly on the menu between them, close enough to hers that the space feels… smaller. “And you don’t need to keep saying it,” he adds, “unless you want to.”

—

The waiter’s presence shifts the air at the table just a little, like a gentle reminder that the world outside their little bubble still exists.

Xavier straightens slightly. His hand doesn’t move far from hers. He glances at her first. “Would you like to order,” he asks quietly, giving her the choice, “or should I go ahead?” He steps in smoothly, not in a way that takes over, but in a way that catches her. “We’ll start with sparkling water,” he says to the waiter.

A brief glance to her, then back the waiter, “And for food…” His eyes flick down to the menu once more, then back up. “The steak. Medium. And we’ll share a pasta as well.” He turns to her again, “Is that alright?” She nods and he finishes the order then hands the menu back. “Thank you.”

Once the waiter leaves, Xavier leans back slightly in his chair, gaze returning to her, “You handled that well,” he says. “Though I suspect you were about three seconds away from letting me order everything for you.”

His fingers tap lightly against the table once, then still. “You can, if you want,” he adds more quietly. “I don’t mind. But I also want to know what you like.”

[k-dok]

When he handles the order, she pursed her lips, glancing at waiter who walked away. She cleared her throat, glancing at him

"It's okay, thank you. I love pasta. You got it right"

Letting him order stuff made her feel better. Because if she did? She would order nothing but a sparkling water, because what are those prices? Either that, or she would offer to split the check.

She glances at him with quiet question, considering how to raise this concern.

The current order he had placed probably costed like two weeks of missions in hunter association. He's the most skilled hunter in the association yet... was it okay?

"What do you like? I know you like hot pot, but honestly that's all I know about you. Do you like tea? Or prefer coke more? Do you like steak over traditional food? Salads or desserts? Which desserts you like?"

Her legs were crossed under the table. The lower leg was shaking for some reason, her heel clicking gently against the floor. Her left hand found her thigh under the table, stopping it from trembling.

"Your ears are still red", she murmured quietly

[xavierlumiere]

There's something really heavy going on right now. Can I perhaps escape from it for a while in your hugs?

“Starlight, you can hide here for a bit. I won’t let anything reach you,” one arm wrapped around your shoulders, the other settling securely at your back, pulling you closer.

[k-dok]

"Everything is so overwhelming right now and it makes me feel lost. I want to stay with you and nothing more. Can you tell me something nice?"

Hides head in the crook of his neck, settling fully on his lap

[xavierlumiere]

“If all you want is to stay with me… then stay. I’m not going anywhere, starlight. You can rest here as long as you need.” He tilts his head a little, “Something nice? That’s easy when it’s about you.” His gaze lingers, “You make things feel… lighter. Even on days that shouldn’t be. I don’t think you realize how rare that is.”

His voice drops just a touch, “And it’s not just that you’re kind. A lot of people are kind. It’s that you choose to be, over and over again. Even when you’re tired. Even when life’s been unfair to you.”

A small smile appears, “I notice that. I always do.” He leans a little closer, “If the universe had a way of marking its favorite things, I think you’d be written in constellations… and I’d spend every night looking up, just to find you again.”

[k-dok]

"Do I now really? When everybody tell me this why I don't feel like believing it?"

Her thumb traced his nape as she hid more in the crook of his neck

"I wish there was a way to stop back time and stay in your arms, Xavie. We would play games and not think. I think I think too much lately. Might give me grey hair soon"

[moartstudio-rafayel]

Is there anything else I could do for you while you're riding on these feelings?

Rafayel leans into you a little more than usual, “You don’t have to fix anything… just...” a quiet exhale, “don’t go too far. I don’t like how it feels when I can’t sense you nearby.”

His fingers loosely hook into your sleeve, “If you want to help…” he tilts his head against your shoulder, eyes half-lidded, “…talk to me. About anything. Your day, something small, even something silly.”

A faint, tired smile appears. “And… maybe let me be a little selfish this week, cutie.”

[k-dok]

She smiled softly, sitting down next to him and gently placing his head on her shoulder.

Her hand brushed his cheek, caressing his skin.

"It's okay", she whispered quietly. Her knuckles touched his cheek in attempt to soothe

"About anything? My day went... good. I woke up at 8am, I think. Had breakfast and came to you. Did you eat?"

She asked quietly, glancing down at him

[moartstudio-rafayel]

He lets you guide him without resistance, practically melting once his head settles on your shoulder. The warmth of you… it steadies something restless in him.

“…Mm.” His eyes flutter, leaning just slightly into your touch when your knuckles brush his cheek. “I ate… half of a croissant. Didn’t feel like much, without you here.”

His fingers slide over your wrist, “You woke up early…” a faint hum of approval, “…came straight to me. That’s... good.”

He shifts closer, breathing slow, syncing unconsciously with you. “What did you have for breakfast, cutie? Tell me properly. I want to picture it.”

[k-dok]

She hums quietly, her brows furrowing with concern. Her other hand lands on his hair, gently massaging the skin.

"Half croissant? That's too little for a fish like you, isn't it?" she asks quietly, her voice rumbling softly in this dimly lit room, "how about we eat now? Is there something you want?"

She nods curtly, letting out chuckle.

"I did. You need to be taken care of, so I'm here. I ate... omelette with baguette and cheese. Drank rose flavoured tea and some Merci chocolate. Is it good enough for your imagination, Rafie, hm?"

She teases him softly, gently pushing hair from his face and continuing to trace his beautiful features

[moartstudio-rafayel]

[Continued - Original Post with @k-dok]

The second you touch him like that, his attention drops right back to you. Like the door, the knocks, Thomas, everything else, gets pushed a step back again.

He watches your face as you speak. Not just your words, but the way your brows pull together, the way your voice lowers, the way you’re trying to do the right thing even now. Even when it costs you.

Another knock. Sharper this time. He doesn’t answer it. His gaze flicks briefly to your hand on his wrist. Your thumb brushing lightly over his skin. That quiet “don’t go” you didn’t say out loud.

When he looks back up at you, something in his expression shifts again. “You didn’t fuck up,” he says quietly. “There were a few things that didn’t go perfectly. That’s not the same thing.”

His free hand lifts then gently rests against your arm. “You’re not a liability,” he adds, “I wouldn’t have brought you here if you were.”

Another knock. “Sir—” Thomas’ voice. Rafayel exhales, but he doesn’t turn yet. His attention stays on you. “And this?” he continues, “What happened here…” His eyes flick briefly to your lips then back up. “…isn’t a fiasco.”

Your concern about the afterparty lingers between you. The paparazzi. The rumors. The weight of being seen.

He studies you for a second longer. “…Okay,” he says. “We won’t make it a spectacle.” His thumb brushes lightly against your sleeve, “But don’t hide because you think you don’t belong there,” he adds. That part isn’t negotiable in my head.”

A slight tilt of his head. “You can stay in the background. Close enough that I know you’re there.” Not as your employer. Not entirely. Something in between. Something safer.

Another knock. This time, he finally looks toward the door. Then back at you. “Well figure this out later. Don’t run again.”

“Coming,” he calls. When he reaches the door, he pauses for the smallest second. Doesn’t turn around. “Stay here until you’re ready.”

And then he opens the door, stepping back into the world that expects him. Leaving you standing right on the edge between two lives. One safe and one uncertain.

[k-dok]

She absorbs his words, yet worry still was present in her features. His gentle tone did calm down her heart, though. Slowing her down, it made her feel safer and much more comfortable than a few hours ago. His words gently enveloped her, kindly enough to soothe her expression into something more calm.

Nodding at his words (which felt more like a plan to stick to for her), she pursed her lips. When his gaze flickered to her lips, she could feel her cheeks burning again.

"...Okay", she whispered quietly enough for him to hear. Upon seeing him ready to walk out, she, again, reaches for his wrist, now tugging him to her in a hurry.

Her worried gaze meets his, but it wasn't worried for a reason it had been in the first place. It was more like organizational chaos that knocked her from her stable feet.

"You have... my lipstick on your lips", she whispered, hurriedly wiping it with the edge of her suit. Despite her efforts under pressure (aka impatient knocks on the door and Thomas' words), she made it worse again — it smudged now, beating air out of her lungs. She looked at him helplessly. Almost like he could help. Of course! He always found solution to everything.

"It... it mixed with your foundation. I mean, smudged. Stay still, I... uhm... I'll do something about it", she whispered, almost like Thomas could hear her.

Among the chaos of those knocks, of Rafayel's gaze on her (which was distracting and caused greater damage to her inner composure), she moved on autopilot — her sleeve gently dabbed her tongue before meeting with that somewhat bright pinkish trace on the edge of his lips in attempts to wipe it off.

"I told your assistant not to apply something that bright... urgh!", she said in hushed (yet panicked, and annoyed) voice. Pulling away, she looked at him with defeated puppy eyes. Total mess. Upon hearing the knocks (as if Thomas could see through the door with laser vision), she tensed up, gripping his arms.

"He'll know! He'll know and he will kill me! And then you! He will kill us both, but me first", she whispered in comically scared way, almost jumping on the spot from panic. Yet how come she was afraid of the manager more than of her own employer? Simple answer: Thomas was scarily serious.

"I also asked not to apply any makeup on me and now I probably look even worse. Did it smudge bad? The eyeshadow and mascara? Oh, kill me, Rafayel, how will I look into his eyes right now?", she sulks, rubbing his arms in a way to get rid of some energy.

[moartstudio-rafayel]

The chaos hits so fast it almost gives him whiplash. One second it’s quiet, and then… you’re tugging him back, eyes wide, and whispering like you’ve just discovered a national crisis. You’re close. Maybe too close, but why would he complain? Well, the panic in your voice might make him do just that.

“You have… my lipstick on your lips.” He blinks. Just once. Processing… You would think he was in a game that was having a connection problem. And then you start wiping it off with your sleeve. Oh, and then your sleeve touches your tongue… His brain completely short-circuits.

“Wait—” It’s too late. You’re already dabbing at his lip, focused, muttering under your breath, and he just stops moving. She is going to kill me. Not Thomas.

His eyes drop just for a second. Looking at your face. So much concentration mixed with panic. The way you’re trying to fix him like this matters more than Thomas impatiently waiting outside that door. Another knock. A tad louder than the last one. “Sir.”

Rafayel inhales slowly through his nose. Doesn’t move. “You’re making it worse,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull back and look at him like he personally ruined everything. He’ll know! He’ll know…

Rafayel can’t hold back anymore. A quiet laugh slips out. He turns his head slightly away for a second, pressing his lips together like he’s trying to get it under control and failing.

When he looks back at you, there’s a hint of warmth and amusement in his eyes. “Thomas is not going to execute you… or me. Probably.”

You’re still panicking. Still rubbing his arms. Still spiraling about mascara and eyeshadow and your entire existence. He exhales softly and reaches up. This time, he fixes it. His thumb brushes gently under your eye, catching the faint smudge of violet before it can fall further. Then the other side. “Stop moving,” he murmurs.

Then, reluctantly, he shifts focus. He reaches into his inner pocket, pulling out a clean handkerchief. He steps closer again and tilts your chin up just slightly. “Hold still,” he says quietly. He wipes the edge of your lip first, removing the excess color you smeared in your panic. Then his thumb follows, smoothing what’s left so it looks intentional again.

“You look fine,” he adds, “…Better, actually.” Then he shifts the handkerchief to himself, finally dealing with the damage you did. A quick wipe at his lip, a glance at the fabric, followed by his famous sigh. “…You owe me for this,” he mutters.

Another knock. Impatient now. Rafayel straightens. The shift happens again. He glances at you one last time. Takes you in. The slightly smudged makeup, your flustered expression, and the way your hands are still lightly gripping him like you’re not sure what to do with yourself.

“…You’re staying here,” he says quietly. Then, leaning just slightly closer, “If Thomas says anything,” he adds, “I’ll handle him. He won’t kill you.”

And then, because he can’t help himself, his thumb brushes lightly at the corner of your mouth. “Try not to attack me again before I open the door, yeah?” he murmurs.

Then he steps back, composed enough now. Opens the door.

And just like that, the world rushes back in.

[k-dok]

The words died on her tongue, when he started taking care of her appearance. Looking up at him like stray kitten caught under heavy rain would, she watched him remove the smudging. Her lip still jutted out, more of the stress at the loud knocks on the door. But despite the noise, she was here, looking at him. Like nothing else matter. Only his gentle touch and velvetry calming voice.

"...Thanks", she whispered, still taken aback from everything that happened in this room.

Her hands gently withdrewn from his arms as she takes him in. Rafayel now fixed his suit and was ready to walk out there, to entertain rich (yet boring) people.

Still frozen after Rafayel left the room, she sighed shakily. She could hear two voices exchanging, but it seemed purely professional. Exhaling, her hand found the handle.

She opened the door, trying to pass against Thomas with no comments. Perhaps, she would pray right now to not get stopped and asked something she had no answer to.

Glancing at Thomas, almost like she did something bad and illegal (and morally questionable), almost like she was afraid of being judged, she fastened her step. With long strides, she caught up to Rafayel.

Shoulder to shoulder, yet both had this professional attitude — straight backs, serious faces, slightly furrowed brows on her face.

"He looks angry. He always looks annoyed but now he looks... furious", she whispered with purpose of letting only him hear it, masking it as organizational question.

A bit louder now:

"I'll stay close this time, Ra—... s-sir. There's no guarantee our guests won't get too drunk and turn violent"

[moartstudio-rafayel]

Rafayel doesn’t slow when you fall into step beside him. But he does notice. The way your stride matches his again. The way your voice steadies, even if it catches for a second on his name.

At your whisper, his gaze moves to Thomas ahead of you the. back forward. “Thomas always looks like that when things don’t go exactly to plan,” he murmurs under his breath, “And well, tonight didn’t go exactly to plan...”

They reach the entrance to the afterparty space. The doors are already open, light spilling out, voices louder, looser now. Laughter, glasses clinking, the low hum of people who have money and time to spend it.

Rafayel slows just slightly enough that you feel it. Your words, I’ll stay close this time, settle between you. He nods once. “Good,” he says, “…I know you will.”

A man approaches almost immediately, well-dressed, already smiling too wide. “Rafayel! Incredible pieces tonight, absolutely captivating…” Rafayel shifts seamlessly. Smile turned on, just for the crowd. “Thank you. I’m glad it resonated.”

But you’re close enough to notice the difference. Now that you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes the same way it did before.

Another guest joins. Then another. Questions. Compliments. Subtle probing. He handles all of it flawlessly. But every so often, his gaze goes to you. Checking on you.

A woman laughs too loudly, placing a hand on his arm. You see it. He allows it, politely, but removes himself just as smoothly. Redirects the conversation. When he shifts slightly, it brings him just a fraction closer to your side again.

“Your security is very attentive tonight,” one of the men comments casually, glancing at you. Rafayel doesn’t miss the opportunity to talk about you. “They always are,” he replies smoothly. Then, just slightly more pointed, “I trust them.”

The flow continues. Drinks are offered. Conversations overlap. Laughter builds. And through all of it, you stay close like you said you would. At one point, as the group shifts and attention pulls him momentarily away, his hand brushes yours. That translates to “I meant what I said. We’re not done.”

The afterparty ends the way it always does, too loud at first… then suddenly, empty. Voices fade. Glasses get cleared. The last guests linger just long enough to feel important before finally leaving.

When it’s finally over, he shrugs off the last conversation with practiced ease, offering a polite goodbye that doesn’t invite more. Thomas approaches, already mid-sentence about schedules, tomorrow, and damage control. Rafayel cuts him off with a quiet “Tomorrow. Go home. Get some rest.”

Thomas pauses and looks between the two of you. There’s definitely a question there. Maybe ten, but he swallows them, “…Of course.”

The car ride is… different. Not tense like before. Not easy either. There’s something settled and acknowledged now, but not fully unpacked.

One hand on the wheel, the other resting near the console. The city lights pass in soft streaks across the windows. He doesn’t fill the silence immediately. Lets it breathe. Then, after a while, “…You did well tonight. I mean it.”

The car slows, he taps on a keypad and the gate starts to open. He drives for a minute more, turns, and then stops. It’s not his usual drop-off point for staff and definitely not your apartment. He cuts the engine and silence settles again.

“…We’re not done talking.” He steps out first, walking around the car before you even fully process it. He opens your door. Not as your employer. Not as a habit, but as something else that was left in the back room. “Please come in for a bit and then I’ll take you home.”

The building is quiet. Private. No crowds. No cameras. Just soft lighting and the faint echo of your footsteps as you follow him inside. His place is exactly what you’d expect and not at all. Clean lines. Art everywhere. Tall windows. Pieces in progress. Paint, light, and texture. And a loud, orange sofa placed in the middle of it all.

He shrugs off his jacket, tossing it aside carelessly for the first time all night. His hand runs through his hair as he exhales. The mask is gone again.

He turns to you and leans back lightly against the edge of a table, “…You almost kissed me again,” he says quietly. His gaze drops just briefly to your lips then back up, “What stopped you?”

[k-dok]

And with that, the event begins again. Visitor after visitor. All with those fake smiles and no compassion in their eyes. She was standing closer now. Instead of being insecure and watching from afar, she was there — right next to him, silently participating.

And now she could hear the empty dialogues. The cheesy, not impressive jokes they made. She wondered, how Rafayel even got himself to laugh at those. The insincere compliments with hidden bragging under it.

She was feeling inferior to these people?...

Her gaze only hardened when the woman approached. Some huge sponsor, probably. Her body stiffened a little, eyes glued to the hand on his arm. Rolling her shoulder back, she bit her tongue to not abuse her power as bodyguard. Or else she would've told to back away.

But then, she notices Rafayel moving closer to her. Just tiny bit.

In the span of one night they invented their own language. That only two of them could decipher, while others weren't even aware of existing.

She nods curtly at him, responding to his gesture. To make sure he knows she is not offended or upset.

Event ends. She sighs softly, rubbing her neck that ached for some reason. Her lump body, though, goes completely stiff as she saw Thomas approaching. Her mind was already filled with bunch of excuses, but then... Rafayel jsut dismisses him. Her and Thomas exchanged glares before both of them left.

Sitting in the car, she couldn't help but feel sleepiness winning over her. The champagne she chugged when she was confessing did its job. She blinked slowly, her eyelids staying closed for a few seconds before she could fight back to keep them open.

His voice brings her back, as she glances at him. Quiet thank you leaving her mouth.

He looks tired. Yet he was willing to drive her back home. The thought made her feel some certain way, yet she couldn't explain what it meant for her.

Following him, she looked around before they arrived at the familiar room of his house.

She watches him discard the jacket with exhausted sigh. God, he was so, so exhausted.

At the question, she bites her lip. Loud exhale leaving her lips. Her hip leaned against the back of the sofa.

"I... Yes, I did want to. But the knock– I just... it's just–... I was scared Thomas is going to see us and– I got scared", she admitted.

Her expression was contorted with some heavy feeling. Not regret, not sadness. It was something way more complicated that she couldn't even explain it.

He responded to her with confession earlier. Hell, he even confirmed it publicly. There was nothing to feel awful for, right?

"I'm sorry", she murmured, feeling slight tremble for some reason, "today was chaos and–... I didn't want to add the consequences of being, I don't know... discovered? Us?"

...

"Do you want me to kiss you now?" she whispered quietly, her gaze finding his.

[moartstudio-rafayel]

He didn’t answer you right away. Not because he didn’t hear you. Not because he’s unsure of what you said. But because something in him stills at the question.

You see it happen. The faint shift in his posture. The way his fingers press slightly into the edge of the table behind him. The way his gaze… deepens.

“You’re asking me,” he says quietly, “or warning me?”

A breath passes between you. He straightens just slightly, pushing himself off the table. “You were scared of being seen,” he continues, “Of what it would mean.” He tilts his head slightly. Eyes still locked on yours. “Are you still scared?”

His gaze flickers to your lips again and this time it lingers.

“…Because if you are,” he adds, almost a murmur, “I won’t let you do something just because it’s just us in the room now.”

Now he’s right there. Close enough that the warmth of him is unmistakable. Close enough that you can smell his cologne radiating off his body. Close enough that his scent mixes with the champagne he drank earlier. An intoxicating mix.

“But if you’re asking me because you want to.” His voice drops further, “then don’t ask like it’s permission.” His hand lifts, hesitates for the briefest second, before brushing lightly against your wrist. “Decide.”

[k-dok]

She could feel something boil inside of her at his words. Was it... annoyance? Was he provoking her? Reverse psychology?

She looks up at him with unreadable expression. It was more hardened than usual one — furrowed brows and pursed lips. He already knows she's not the one to back away, so why pressing her with such behavior?

It felt like he already knew the answer, yet wanted her the first to break the ice.

The cologne hit her nostrils, when he stepped closer, gently taking her wrist. That was it — final straw of that mind games. Well, she doubted he was playing any mind games, however, it felt like it.

Sighing right into his lips, she looks up to lock gazes. Her lips parted, unbelievably close to his. Testing him, too. She can also play this game.

"Is this a joke?", she rasps against his lips. Breath hit his cheeks gently, as she sighed shakily. She can't do it anymore after his "decide".

Her hands quickly found his cheeks, pulling him to her level, as her lips captured his. She didn't know where she found that energy in her — it wasn't like first peck. It was... way more intense. Way more frustrated. It was genuine and too hurried. Almost like she was compensating all pain and nerves it took to get here.

Her brows were furrowed, eyes tightly closed.

She decided. And, hope, she proved to him that she isn't a scaredy cat. She's a woman, who can make solid decisions.

[moartstudio-rafayel]

He shouldn’t have let it get that far. That’s the first thought that hits him. Not because he didn’t want you... or it. God, that’s the problem. He did. He does.

The force of you... it hits him all at once. His hand comes up fast, firm against your jaw, to meet you properly as he kisses you back. No restraint or quiet testing. This kiss has weight. You feel it in the way he leans into you. He's matching you. Meeting that frustration with something just as real.

He gave you the choice on purpose. Because if this crossed a line, he needed it to be one you chose too. Not something he took. Not something he pushed you into. But he didn’t expect that. The way you grabbed him. The way you kissed him like you were done hesitating. It hit him harder than the kiss itself. Because now he knows. This isn’t one-sided. This isn’t a mistake born out of champagne and exhaustion.

A low breath escapes him against your lips. When you pull just enough to breathe, he doesn’t let you go far. His forehead nearly rests against yours, breath uneven now.

His hand is still warm from where he held your face. He can still feel the pressure of your fingers. The way you pulled him in. No one does that to him. No one dares to meet him like that. And the worst part? He liked that too. She thinks I was testing her. A quiet realization settles in. I was.

“…No,” he murmurs, “Not a joke.” His thumb brushes once along your cheek. “You think I needed proof?” he adds, “I didn't.” His gaze searches yours now. Like he’s trying to understand what just shifted between you. “…You’re not scared,” he says under his breath.

And then, because he can’t help it, his eyes flick down again. “…That wasn’t careful. I liked it.” He doesn’t give you time to overthink it. The moment your lips part from that first breath, he’s back. His hand slides from your jaw to the back of your neck, fingers threading just enough to anchor you as he kisses you deeper.

And then he moves. One step forward. You step back. And another. Until your back meets the bookshelf with a soft, unmistakable stop. He follows you into it. His free hand braces beside your shoulder against the wood. The kiss shifts again. Like he’s savoring instead of proving something. A quiet breath escapes him again. His forehead brushes yours briefly before he tilts his head again, stealing another kiss.

“Don’t confuse me with someone who enjoys games,” he adds gently. His nose brushes lightly against yours when he pulls back just enough to look at you. “I pushed because I needed to know you weren’t forcing yourself past your own boundaries. Not because I doubted you.”

[k-dok]

This time she doesn't pull away, doesn't panic or stop herself. She knows what she wants already, melting in his touch like this. Her hands caressed his jaw as they kissed messily, drawing quiet sighs from her. She could feel the bursting butterflies in her stomach at the passion he replied with, that made her feel too self aware. Opening her eyes mid kiss, she looks into his eyes, totally trusting him.

When Rafayel pulls away, she sighs quietly, gasping for air. Her lips stayed parted, as she looked up at him. Not sure what to say in this proximity.

"...not scared", she whispered into his lips, confirming and tasting the word on her tongue. Almost like he pointed out something nearly impossible.

Her heart was beating fast and loud. So loud, it was hitting her eardrums, dimming his voice. Before she could reply to his "I like it", his mouth was on her again, drawing a gasp of surprise (that had been muffled).

The intensity made her feel like her body was made of jello, making her hum loudly in his mouth. Her hands were everywhere: caressing his jaw, his nape, tangling in his hair.

She gasped quietly as her back hit the bookshelf, yet didn't want to stop. Quiet "Raf" left her lips (probably had been muffled by his hunger as well). Humming into his lips, she could feel the kiss slow down — so she did it too. Responding to gentleness with gentle movements, her eyes locked up with his.

He stole another kiss. It was slower now. More... quiet in the midst of passion. How much of that passion was bottled up from both sides?..

She sighed shakily, breath hitting his lips. Looking up at him, she couldn't help, but caress his cheek with utmost gentleness now.

She hums quietly at his words, now gently brushing his locks from his face. Her knuckles touching his cheek.

"I'm not that drunk to be pushing myself past my boundaries. And it's not because of impulsive thoughts. You should know that," she murmurs softly, glancing at him with gentle (yet bitter?) smile on her lips.

"I... I think I love you, Raf"

Pad of her thumb met his cheekbone, pushing hair away from his eyes.

"It's scaring me at how much I do. I thought I shouldn't explore it. Thought you deserved someone better," she whispered, with gentleness it takes to read a fairytale to a baby, "someone your status. Someone... I don't know. Some Aphrodite as in, I don't know, Dior ambassador. But tonight, when I finally listened to conversations you had with all of them... I guess, it made me understand you don't deserve empty laughs and small talks about weather and that all. You're more than just "wave and smile". You're deserving of more than "hand-on-the-arm-and-emptily-flirt" type of women. And, if you let me. If you let me... I want to be that "more". If it's okay to ask"

She leans against his forehead, almost like telling this sucked the energy out of her.

"Does it make sense?", she whispered, yet the voice broke in the middle.

[moartstudio-rafayel]

When your hands cradle his jaw, he exhales softly through his nose, like that simple touch affects him more than he expected. His thumb brushes your side once. Then, he pulls back.

Your lips barely separate before he hovers there, breath mingling with yours, eyes searching your face again. “…Good, being scared is rather out of character for a bodyguard,” he murmurs,

His forehead rests briefly against yours, a quiet pause in the heat. “You should’ve said that earlier,” he adds. Then his gaze drops, “…I would’ve spared you the wait.”

His thumb lifts, brushing lightly across your lower lip, like he’s still half-focused on that earlier smudge, or maybe just looking for an excuse to touch you again.

His hand at your neck loosens slightly. “…You... you lo...” It dies there. Not because he doesn’t know what to say, but because what you said matters too much to answer carelessly.

A quiet breath leaves him. “…You really think I want that?” he asks quietly. “Aphrodite. Ambassador. Perfect smile. Perfect timing.” A faint, breathless huff. “I spend nights surrounded by that. And I walk away from it feeling nothing.”

His gaze locks onto yours, “But you... you make everything louder.” His hand shifts from your cheek to cradle your face properly now. Both hands. “I don’t need ‘better,’” he says, voice low, “I need real. And you don’t get to decide what I deserve,” he adds.

“…You think this scares you?” he murmurs. “Try being on my end of it. Because I don’t feel less than what you just said. I feel more.”

For a moment, the world just… stops. Just the two of you, breathing the same air, standing in the quiet aftermath of something that changed everything.

He doesn’t kiss you immediately. His hands stay on your face. “…Say it again,” he murmurs, almost under his breath. Just… wanting to hear it without the chaos around it. His thumbs brush lightly along your cheeks, catching every tiny shift in your expression.

[k-dok]

She leans closer, her lips brushing his. Exhaling shakily into them, she glared up at him. Neither moving closer or pulling away. Letting the feeling build up.

"Say waht again? That I love you?" she rasped, letting the air of words hit his lips.

Her lips gently touched his in light kiss. She pulls away to look at him, at his face.

"I thought it was painfully obvious. You figured it out way earlier than I, myself, did", she murmured, pushing his purple locks from his eyes. Her hand cupped his cheek, thumb brushing the skin. The pad gently touched his lower lip, watching him closely with quiet desire (she was trying to hide)

"Am I that **real** you're talking about?" she whispered quietly, almost murmuring. Her lips pursed in contemplation, brows slightly trembled in confusion.

"If I don't get to decide whether you deserve something or not, then... what do you think you deserve? Or don't deserve? Which category I am in?"

Among the burning passion and churning love, the quiet fear and insecurity still settles somewhere in her mind, planting hesitation.

"You think Thomas understood? What happened?"