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Not today Justin
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@xbjwjdnlwbdkosbwkc
This is the night I plan my own death.
5 more months. To the one year waiting period for suicide clause for my PTV. What would you do if you have only 5 more months to live?
I’m so tired, so sick of everything. It really doesn’t seem to work out. We fight over everything. And it seems like there’s no way out.
If he’s so miserable too, why are we still getting married? What’s the point? Do we really love each other?
Should we end it before it’s too late?
How long more before my life straightens out?
I don’t get it.
I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. We’re at war with each other so very often. Every messages. Actions.
How do we get married this way? Would the marriage last?
Who is asking for too much? I think we both are. We both are asking for a lot and we don’t see it. We only see the flaws in each other, the bad in each other. And constantly trying to attack it. And trying to justify ourselves. We’re always being sarcastic. Oh god this is so tiring.
I’m so tired. Really.
Am I just settling? Do I really want this? Would this marriage work? Would we both end up just killing each other?
That obsession. That anxiety. How
Okay can
Does it really get better? or do we just get used to it?
Unknown
(via thelovenotebook)
Everything will work out in the end. You don’t need to know how. You just have to trust that it will.
Unknown
(via thelovenotebook)
Really?
Mental
How do you know if you have mental issues? And what should you do when you think you have one?
It's hard. It's getting harder to live this life. What wrong have I done to deserve this?
Am I settling?
I just want to be happy. Why is it so difficult? Should I stop..?
No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater…The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.
Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby
(via thelovenotebook)
Remember this.
Birthdays
Are there birthday curses?
Why am I crying on my birthday? What’s wrong?
Maybe everything.
Are we ready?
With the housing argument, and now a potential(I hope not) pregnancy, this burning question is firing up its way even more intensely now. ARE WE REALLY READY? Is our relationship stable enough and ready to take the next step? Do we enough each other well enough to handle the obstacles ahead? (Cause I see many) I'm a sad pessimist. I wish to be all sunshine and rainbows and bursting with optimism, but the harsh reality of life, and more importantly the arguments we've had and the way we had them, are not helping the situation. I don't wanna have arguments and fights everytime we come to a major decision making junction. I don't wanna have a journey of quarrels to plan for house, renovation and wedding. It will affect my certainty in our future. I don't wanna be tolerating. I don't wanna grow resentment towards you. I don't wanna fail.
The world is unfair.
Can somebody tell me how not to be paranoid?
Quit it
Should we take a break? Should we just end things? I'm really sick of all these unreasonable quarrels.
Me
I read all the previous posts here, about all the fights we had, or rather all the negative feelings and thoughts I had when we fought, just like now. I think that I'm a terrible person. I'm so tired. Really. I don't know what to say about what we just fought about. I feel so heavy hearted. I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm worried. I have no confidence in our relationship. And now, I'm really worried that I'm the big fucking problem. Who am I actually? How am I like? How ah like that. I really should shut this mouth of mine. Sigh. When this passes, if it will, which I hope it does pass quickly, I promise I'll be more positive, and less emotional. Don't think so much okay. Hang in there. Life would have a way for you.
Gonna be another sleepless night.
Do I really wanna get married to him?
Marriage
Yes I'm here because we fought again. I'm tired. I really hate fights. Nowadays we've been talking about getting married and all. We were just discussing it the day before, and yest he blew at me again for I don't know what. It really makes me doubt the stability of the relationship and the suitability of us getting married. I don't wanna have to live this every other week. This is not the kind of married life I'm looking forward to. So what is the problem? Honestly I don't know. Is it his temper? Is it he's frequency of starting a fight and blowing up at me? Is it my emotions? Is it my thoughtless comments sometimes? I don't know. Do we have serious issue in the relationship that we should address before taking any next step? I always do feel like we have a problem in the relationship but I can't pin point on what. Why do we fight so often??? Is it really not often to you at all? Does it really not matter that I feel and think that we're fighting a lot? It's draining and it's useless and it's just making everyone sian in the relationship and sooner or later it's gonna make us sian of the relationship. And when would that be? In the midst of preparing for our wedding? When we're married? Then how? Am I really ready to settle down? Am I really ready to settle down with you?
