I hate missing you this much and feeling so pathetic. I hate watching you choose to ignore me. I hate knowing you see me and hear me, but won’t even look me in the eye.
But I’m too afraid to take that away from you. I want to. I want to ignore you. I want to turn away from you, just like you do to me. It would be easier. It would make me feel like I had control.
Truthfully though, I don’t. Have control. And I don’t want it. This is your call. You know my heart. I miss you.
I know that if I “played the game” I would ignore you to make you worry. But you said I was manipulative… and so I’m trying not to be. No more games.
And I don’t want you to ever think that you could lose my friendship. I’m not going to be someone else in your life that leaves you. Push me away. Ignore me. Ok. Ow. But I’m not going to act for two seconds like I don’t want you to come back. Even if it might make you miss me. Or even if it might bring you back sooner.
I’m not going to always beg you to come back. I have. But I’m also not going to ignore you. I’m sick of that advice. I want you back in my life. Why the hell would I pretend like I don’t?
So one. I’m afraid to lose you for good if I do that. And two. I’m not going to do that to you. No games. No tricks. Just love.