🤍

lets talk about mental health

[xendingstoryx]

exhausted.

[xendingstoryx]

Overthinking is something I really struggle with. Like my mind starts thinking about one little meaningless situation but then starts building up into a whole storm of thoughts. One thought leads to another. And another. I suddenly start to justify myself in my head for 1000 of situations I‘ve been in and for things I might have done wrong. Like i‘m talking to myself feeling like I have to be sorry for a 100 things, feeling like I did everything wrong and as I said, feeling like I have to justify myself all the fucking time. Justifications, that‘s a fucking big thing for me. And it‘s fucking me off. Dear mind, please let me sleep, let me breathe, let me just be here for a moment. Without all these thoughts coming up. Just. For. A. Moment.

[xendingstoryx]

payin‘ rent on a heart you dont own🥀

[cant-thinkofanythingclever]

wanna be cuddled for like 4 or 5 days

[angelic-pvssy]

Be the energy you want to receive.

[xendingstoryx]

„Hat man Angst vor der unbekannten Wahrheit, versucht man sich an Lügen festzuhalten.“

- Luna Darko

[xendingstoryx]

all I know right now is, I need to wake up.

Bury Tomorrow, Cold Sleep

[xendingstoryx]

Song of the day (or rather of the week) ♥ much love

[xendingstoryx]

Dinge die ich dieses Jahr lernen/tun will / Things I want to learn/do this year

- Dankbar sein / being thankful

- mich selbst anzunehmen und zu akzeptieren wie ich bin / accept myself

-  nicht so hart zu mir selbst zu sein / not being so hard on myself

- für mich selbst einzustehen / to stand up for myself

- herausfinden was mich glücklich macht / find out what makes me happy

- mehr lesen / to read more

- kreativer sein / being more creative

- ehrlich zu mir selbst sein / be honest with myself

Es ist alles ein Prozess, die meisten dieser Dinge lernen wir unser ganzes Leben lang und ich weiß, dass ich nicht all diese Dinge dieses Jahr komplett erreichen werde, aber ich werde mein bestes geben um meinen Zielen näher zu kommen. Kleine Schritte. ♥

Seit nicht so hart zu euch, ihr schafft das.

Its all a process, we learn a lot of these things all our lives and I know that I wont fully achieve these things in this year, but I’ll try my best to get closer to my goals. Baby steps. ♥

Dont be so hard on yourself, you can do this.

[recoversuggestions]

friendly reminder that you didn’t waste your year. any moments of happiness or comfort, any small accomplishments, they all matter. this has been a really hard year, and simply surviving is something to be proud of. 

[xendingstoryx]

work + mental health (trigger warning: depression)

My body shivers, eyes fill with tears, breathing becomes heavier. Thats what it feels like for me to wake up at 4am for work. Leaving the house at 5am feeling nearly nothing after the morning breakdown but my minds full of thoughts about how I really do not want to live like this. Im questioning everything around that time. What am I actually doing this for? Will I ever find my place in this world? Will it all get better one day? Or will I always feel this way? I dont belong here. As soon as I arrive at my workplace I start wearing a mask and put a smile on so noone will notice my real state of mind. Often during work it feels fine ´cause Im distracted from my circling thoughts but sometimes it feels so overwhelming, all these people, noises, tasks. I want to cry as soon as someone starts talking to me or asking me something. People expecting something from me is one of the worst things. I already feel stressed when someone says ‘hello’ to me. But most times Im doing okay at work. And at the end of my working day I always think ‘wow youre feeling quite good. Its all good.’ But as soon as I come home I break down again. My whole body hurts, Im exhausted, tired. I start crying again and I dont feel able to do anything for the rest of the day. Even showering, brushing my teeth, cooking something, or changing my fucking clothes is too much. I can barely move. I just sit or lay there with tears in my eyes wondering why I have to feel like this again. Why do I feel so weak? Why am I tired all the time? How does it feel to be awake? Like really awake? How does it feel to have energy? Feeling so embarrassed for feeling like that. Talking to myself like ‘damn pull yourself together! Youre fucking 23 you should feel young and fit and should be able to work full-time’ but it just doesnt change anything. I just feel drained. Everyday.