✦ X Ξ N V I T Λ ✦ @xenvitavt - Tumblr Blog

xenvitavt

Jul 8

koolkat9

Homeward Bound

Rating: T

Pairing: Spiritshipping, Soulshipping on the side

Word Count: 8130

Read on AO3

Author's Note: So...had this idea back in like January or February after a bad snow storm. And now it's July. But I'm pretty happy with it, so we're posting it now before I regret it.

All good adventures came to an end eventually. As Judai handed over the card to the sniffling child before him, his mind already ran with where he was off to next.

The kid whimpered out what he assumed was ‘thank you’ in a language he didn’t quite know but still held the warmth of…he wasn’t quite sure. Well, no time to dwell on that. He gave the child a nod and a smile before parting in broken English.

“So, what’s the plan now?” Yubel asked as they waited for the bus.

Judai shrugged. “Well…After that plane ticket, we’re just short for another night in a hotel. So, camping?”

“Dearest, it’s freezing.”

Pharaoh poked his head out from Judai’s bag, meowing in agreement.

“Can’t you talk to Pegasus?” Yubel continued, even as Judai stepped onto the bus. “Say the mission took longer in Europe than we anticipated and we need a little extra?”

Judai shook his head. He already spoiled us with that luxury stay in Sweden. He replied in his head. I couldn’t ask him for more. Especially when I personally took on this little side-quest. My fault I didn’t think this through.

“We could always call him…” Yubel offered after a stretch of pursed lips and squinted eyes.

“No,” Judai hissed. The person in front of him gave a strange, scrunched up look. Judai’s gaze snapped to his lap. No.

“I’m sure he misses you. And it’s not like he’d ever refuse you.”

That’s part of the problem.

“Judai, it's a sleepover not a death game. You’ll be fine.”

But—

“Would you rather he finds you as a frozen corpse?”

Always so delicate with your words. Judai groaned, digging a little too forcefully into his pocket for his phone. He thudded in his password and opened his chat with Johan. The Christmas message he left unanswered glared back at him.

“And maybe this will make up for…that,” Yubel whispered, claw hovering just above his cheek. It was times like this they both wished Yubel was a bit more solid. “Do it before you second guess yourself.”

And Judai obeyed without any more complaints.

Johan’s response was almost immediate: Where are you?

— — —

The drive to Johan’s cabin just outside of Oslo was quiet. By then, the snow Judai heard whispers about that afternoon began and dusted the road in a thin yet slippery layer. He pretended that prompted the silence.

“It’s supposed to get pretty bad,” Johan said, eyes still trained on the road. Unreadable. “Hopefully your flight isn’t anytime soon.”

“It’s supposed to be tomorrow morning.”

Johan hummed. “I can 100% guarantee it will be at least delayed. I can almost guarantee it will be cancelled. Possibly for the rest of the weekend. You can stay however long you need, okay?”

Judai just nodded, something painful filling up his throat.

But when he was pulled over the threshold into the warm wooden walls, when Johan finally took him into his arms again, the tension melted.

“You’re freezing,” Johan murmured. “You should really invest in a proper winter coat when travelling on a whim like you do.”

Judai laughed softly, burying his cold nose into Johan’s scarf. “You’d think being part dragon would make you warmer.

“They are like big lizards though, so wouldn’t they be cold blooded? And not all of them breathe fire, so again—”

“Shut up. I was being funny.”

A rumble in Johan’s chest was his reply. Judai pouted.

“I should get started on a fire,” Johan eventually whispered against Judai’s hair. Yet he made no move to pull away. “It’s only going to get worse. I’m sure the power will cut at some point.”

Judai had stopped listening after ‘fire,’ starting to sway on his feet. He could fall asleep like this. Be it from exhaustion after his adventuring or just the fact Johan was so warm…comforting…safe, he was too tired to figure it out. His eyes drifted shut. He could smell that fresh scent Johan always had better this way. But there was something sweeter to it now too. Judai liked it.

He could have fallen asleep if Pharaoh didn’t suddenly leap out of his bag and trotted further into the house. Johan pulled back, shaking his head and blinking rapidly like he had just woken from some kind of trance.

“You just go settle on the couch, okay?” His voice, gentle yet commanding, sent a shiver rolling through Judai’s spine. “There should be a blanket there already. I’ll get the fire started. Then maybe some hot chocolate and something for Pharaoh.”

Judai collapsed on the couch as he was told, throwing his bag beside the arm. Without the warmth of Johan’s body, he was reminded of the chill on his skin. He tugged at the blanket and pulled it around himself tightly. Yet the fabric itself had a chill to it too, or perhaps Johan had just been that warm.

He started nodding off again until Johan returned with two mugs of hot chocolate and a flashlight.

“Do you mind sharing?” Johan asked, already tugging at the blanket.

“With you? Not at all.”

Johan draped the blanket over their laps, arms brushing against each other as he got comfortable with his mug. “I also set out some water and food. Still don’t know why I got that canned tuna. But hey! It came in handy.”

Judai once more, only half-heard what Johan was saying, too focused on the urge to bury himself in that neck again and his warmth. Fall asleep against him. Close his eyes. Pretend they were back at Duel Academy, before the other dimension, sharing Judai’s bed in Osiris. Back when he wouldn’t hesitate burying himself in Johan. But now he was older, colder and very aware of what cuddling meant to most people. Very aware of his feelings for Johan and Johan’s feelings for him.

“You look tired,” Johan whispers. Right into his ear so he couldn’t ignore it.

“You know how it is,” Judai sighed, shoulder accidentally bumping into Johan’s. “Grand adventures don’t exactly leave sleep as a priority.”

“Judai…”

“Don’t worry so much. Yubel makes sure I at least get some rest. Just not the recommended 8 hours.” He added a laugh for comfort, but it came out tighter than he meant.

But not tighter than the way Johan’s muscles coiled.

“Sorry,” Judai winced.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not fair to you.”

“No, it’s not fair to you.” Johan bit his lip, scooting away a bit. It took everything for Judai not to chase him. “They’re a part of you. It’s only natural they’ll come up from time to time. I’m fine, really.”

“Johan…"

“Maybe you should turn in early for the night. I’ll show you to—”

“No! I-I mean…I’m too worked up.” Even with them deep in soul, Judai made out Yubel’s snicker. He hoped they could make out his glare in return. “That came out wrong. I mean…I…missed you.”

Something dark clouded Johan’s pretty green eyes. Like he wanted to say something. But like any rain cloud, he just waited for it to pass. “I missed you too,” he offered instead. “But you’re at least going to be stuck here for the weekend. We have plenty of time to—”

“I’m too excited to sleep.”

Johan grimaced before puffing out a breath. “Fine. Guess we could watch a movie or something.” He popped in some sort of animated film Judai never heard of. “You probably think I’m childish.”

“I’m the one with a superhero deck.”

Johan snorted. “I wouldn’t call that childish.”

“And I wouldn’t call this childish either.” Judai nodded towards the swirl of muted colours on the screen.

“Yeah. This one is probably a little too artsy for kids. Even I can’t pin down what’s going on. But it’s…calming with the colours and music. Good for before bed.”

Judai nodded, already getting lost in the snowy scene bursting into view. Probably not much different than the storm outside right now. As he imagined the plopping snowflakes, his head began to loll, eyelids struggling under the weight of sleep, splintering open the second they sank. But he was awake enough to feel Johan guide his head down to something warm and solid. His nerves jolted, but before he could spring up, an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“Hey, shhh,” Johan hushes. “It’s okay.”

Judai finally melted right then and there. He had enough of fighting after months of nonstop spirit chasing.

He must have nodded off again at some point, next thing he knew it had grown darker, the pale orange of the fire the only sliver of light. Perhaps Johan turned the lamp off and headed to bed? But he was still resting against something solid. His human pillow started to shift.

“Johan,” Judai slurred, pushing himself up.

“It’s okay,” Johan shushed, though his voice wobbled. A sour pit settled in Judai’s stomach. “The power just went out. Go back to sleep.”

“Where are you going?”

“We need extra blankets.”

Too late, Judai was awake now. He watched Johan’s shadowy figure stumble over to the closet. Johan never stumbled. That pit in his stomach soon grew teeth and began gnawing. But when Johan joined him again, draping a blanket around their shoulders and an extra across their laps, Judai just pressed against him.

“For warmth,” Judai said with a goofy grin. Johan returned it half-heartedly.

“We’ll probably have to sleep down here near the fire. The Crystal Beasts will keep an eye on it, so it doesn’t get out of hand or anything.”

“Where are they by the way? I haven’t even seen Ruby.”

In the orange glow of the fire, Judai caught the pink on Johan’s cheeks. “They’re being…weird. Think we need ‘alone’ time or something.”

“Can’t complain about that,” Judai chuckled. “I…I really did miss you.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry about Christmas. I didn’t…I got caught up in a job off the grid and by the time I saw your message, it was two weeks later.”

“You promised you’d keep in contact,” Johan choked out. “I don’t care if it’s two weeks delayed. I just. Message me whenever you can. I…I need to know you’re safe.”

Judai wondered if those forlorn eyes that stared into the flames were similar to the ones he wore looking across the mountainous terrain and thick clouds of Dark World. He pressed his knee against Johan’s, getting his attention.

“I’m sorry.”

Johan studied his eyes before looking away again, but his hand found Judai’s cheek and guided him to his shoulder. “All is forgiven,” Johan whispered, breath tickling Judai’s ear. “I don’t want this to bog down the short time we have together.”

Johan’s hand still shook even as they lowered to his lap. Judai must have stared just a bit too long.

“I’m just cold,” Johan muttered.

“Then let’s get closer to the fire then.”

Wiggling out of Johan’s embrace, Judai grabbed his hands and pulled him down onto the faux fur rug right in front of the mantle. The blankets followed after and they wrapped themselves in a proper cocoon.

A few minutes later, a light patter across the floor brought about Pharaoh, meowing to be let into the pile.

“I was wondering when you were going to join us,” Judai giggled. He pulled the cat in and curled up against Johan once more. Eventually, Johan’s trembling stopped.

— — —

“You’re welcome,” Yubel commented, pushing away the fuzzy edges of whatever dream had originally wrapped Judai up.

Judai blinked, trying to wake himself up more. “Wha?”

“You really were going to sleep outside in a snowstorm before I stepped in.”

He laughed, taking Yubel’s claws into his hands and tugging them close. “Fine. Thank you. Is that all you came into my dream for?” A knowing smile spread across his face.

They reached out and this time, one of their claws came to cradle Judai’s cheek. Judai leaned into it. It may not have been as real as what he could do in reality with his powers, but it still sparked comfort.

“I just…wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Yubel said softly. “I know you’re…We’re still…It isn’t easy seeing him again.”

“Honestly, it’s a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. He’s…too good like that.”

“I shouldn’t have—”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Mostly.” He rolled his lip against his teeth, eyes drifting to the side. “Are you okay?”

“That…That doesn’t matter.”

Judai smiled softly, tugging them closer by the waist until he could rest his head against their collar bone. Without hesitation, two arms curled around him in return. “It matters to me,” he murmured against Yubel’s skin.

“He makes you happy. He makes you feel safe.”

“Yubel—”

They squeezed him tighter, burying their nose in his hair. “I won’t take that away from you again.”

“And I won’t leave you behind again.”

Yubel chuckled. “You quite literally can’t now.”

“We’re just friends.”

“But you want more.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want. I’ve been selfish enough.”

“It matters to me,” Yubel echoed. “I’ve never seen you so relaxed like you are when you’re with him. Just like when we first dueled, when I—”

Judai pressed further into Yubel’s embrace. “Can we not bring that up?”

“I’m sorry. But…I want what’s best for you. And if that’s…him. I can live with that.”

“I want you.” He pulled away, tugging Yubel’s head towards his so they could press their foreheads together.

“And you have me. But you can have more too. And don’t act like you don’t. You can’t hide from me.”

Judai stayed silent, though a semblance of a reply came in the way he pushed against Yubel even further. As if he could get closer, as if they weren’t already an inseparable being.

“Just think about it.”

And before Judai could protest any more, he was yanked into the world of the waking. Oh, very mature. He thought with a click of his tongue.

— — —

An hour or so went by, just staring at the warm beige ceiling above. Or maybe it’s a bit more yellow. No, no. Definitely beige. The power was still out, and Johan, still asleep. Not that his argument of beige vs. yellow wasn’t riveting, but surely hunger would start its prowl. Given his intrusion, the least he could do was start breakfast. After all, he had gotten quite good at cooking on a fire.

Quietly, he unwrapped himself from…A light pink pricked his cheeks. Right. He had fallen asleep in Johan’s arms. Well, no time to dwell on that now. Still careful, he rolled out of the embrace, then the blankets before finally leaping up.

It was too quiet. Without the hum of appliances. Without Yubel lingering at the forefront of his senses, keeping his own thoughts at bay. Breakfast. That’s what mattered right now.

“Kuri?”

“Morning,” Judai greeted. It was hard to miss the worry in such large eyes like Winged Kuriboh’s. “I’m fine buddy. Just…Mind making breakfast with me?”

Winged Kuriboh bobbed in the air like a nod.

Luckily, Johan had some eggs and leftover sausage. But before he could get cracking a meow startled him.

He hushed Pharaoh. “Johan is still sleeping.”

Pharaoh just meowed again, and Judai swore it was louder this time. He hushed the cat again. “Shh shhhhhhhh. Just give me a sec.”

He refilled the water bowl Johan had left out last night and poured the cat food he carried with him in another before collecting the ingredients and heading back to the fire. It was merely embers now but with a little more wood and a bit of stoking he could revive it easily.

Soon enough breakfast was sizzling softly and Winged Kuriboh was chittering away. “Not too loud,” Judai scolded playfully, tapping the fur ball with his spatula. Or at least he tried.

“Kuri Kuri!” Winged Kuriboh squealed.

“Yeah, yeah. You got lucky this time.”

As if coming to Judai’s aide, Ruby Carbuncle materialized on the coffee table, already set to pounce. “Looks like I have re-enforcements,” Judai smirked.

Ruby pounced, tumbling both herself and Kuriboh into the brick of the fireplace in a shrill chatter. The sudden ruckus nearly made Judai drop the pan.

“Shhhhhh. Are all of you intent on waking Johan up.”

Though they didn’t seem at all apologetic, the two spirits at least had the decency to chase each other into the hall. Judai’s attention snapped to Johan. Still fast asleep. Judai let out a little breath, his eyes linger on the sleeping form of his friend.

For a muscular guy, Johan had quite the pretty face. Long lashes, pink lips, round cheeks always rosy. Was his hair as soft as it looked? His nose, slightly upturned, scrunched up. Judai bit back a laugh at the pure adorableness of it. Almost like a bunny he thought.

But a sudden stench cut the daydream short. “Shit,” Judai hissed. He immediately pulled the pan back, but the damage had already singed the white edges of the eggs. The sausage didn’t fare much better.

“Judai?” Johan slurred, eyes cracking open ever so slightly. He stretched out with a groan, blinking away the sleep. Judai tried not to stare.

Shaking his head, he stammered out an apology. “Sorry, sorry. I-I was trying…I mean…I just got a bit…I was making breakfast like…and then…I’ll have the burned ones. Just one sec.”

Johan just laughed, throwing his head back on the plush rug.

“And here I was trying to do something nice to my host and he laughs at me,” Judai scoffed in feigned offence.

“I appreciate it, really. You’re just a—N-Nevermind.”

Judai tilted his head. But he didn’t push it further nor did he question the blush hiding behind the blanket Johan buried his face in. Not if he wanted to avoid burning Johan’s breakfast.

“You know you can make yourself something unburnt,” Johan offered as Judai handed him the perfectly cooked sausage and eggs. “I have plenty.”

“No need. I hate seeing food go to waste.”

“Something you picked up on the road.”

Judai shrugged. “Yeah, seems so. Wait! I got an idea. Watch my food. Though Pharaoh is probably too picky to go after it.”

He scrambled back over to his bag, pulling out his portable tea kettle. “I know you’re more of a coffee guy, but I’ve gotten pretty good at making tea. I got green, lady grey, orange pekoe, and I think a berry based one?”

“From your many travels?”

“Mhm. Though I already drank all the coolest ones.”

“Been awhile since I had a good green tea.”

“Coming right up.”

They slipped into silence as Judai put the kettle on. It was then when he was hit with the domesticity of the scene. He couldn’t help but wonder, just for a brief second, what it would be like to wake up beside Johan on a sunny morning and watch the rays tug out the green undertones of his hair. He couldn’t shake such a daydream, even when he handed a small mug to Johan. It left him tingly all over, yet reality ran sharp and dug into his chest.

“The power’s still out huh?”

“Oh…Yeah.”

“Expected. Living in the middle of nowhere, you’re not exactly top priority. Might be out for a few days even. Especially if it’s still snowing and windy out.”

“Well then, that just means you’re stuck with me, I suppose.”

Johan smirked behind his rim. “Stuck makes it sound like a bad thing.” He poked at Judai’s shin with his foot. “Maybe I can finally get that rematch?”

“You’re on!”

Once they cleared their dishes away, they spent the rest of the morning dueling. It was neck and neck, Judai winning one battle, Johan another, but in the best two out of three, absolute victory belonged to Judai.

“As expected from Duel Academy’s ace,” Johan sighed, collecting his cards.

“Hey, Rainbow Dragon gave me a run for my money. As did those new cards. Gift from Pegasus?”

“Something like that. I mean…they only fit in my deck. Apparently after finding Rainbow Dragon, he was struck with inspiration again.”

“What deck did you use to play? You know…before the Crystal Beasts.”

“I never told you?”

Judai’s lips twitched, but he refused to drop his smile. “We…We never really got the chance.”

Johan squeezed Judai’s knee. “Well since I’m ‘stuck’ with you, now’s as good a time as any. One sec.”

He dashed upstairs. Minutes later, he returned with another deck. “I was actually a huge insect nerd as a kid,” he chuckled, taking a seat next to Judai. Almost immediately an abnormally large bee appeared before them.

“It’s been awhile Needle Honey Bee,” Johan greeted with a grin. The bee buzzed happily. “I hope you’re all well.” Another happy buzz.

“Insect?”

Johan raised a brow. “You sound shocked.”

“Well…You know…It’s not as popular. Then you got creeps like Insector Haga giving them a bad name. And sorry, they are just creepy in general.”

Needle Honey Bee’s eyes narrowed

Johan giggled, mimicking a pat against the spirit. “Easy now.” He turned back to Judai. “I know they aren’t for everyone but…They’re just so interesting. When I was a kid, we had almost weekly trips to the library around the corner. And they had this big book of insect facts, and I’d read it every time. I could probably still recite half of them.” He nodded towards Needle Honey Bee. “Take the honey bee for example. All the workers, the ones we see zipping around are all female while the drones are male. Actually, come winter, once they’ve pretty much served their purpose of mating, the males are kicked out.”

Judai scrunched his nose.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Johan pouted playfully. “Okay uh…How about that caterpillars have 12 eyes?”

“Still not convincing me they aren’t creepy.”

“Ugh fine.” Johan pursed his lips, clearly thinking. “Oh, here’s more of a funny one. Wasps feeding on fermenting juice have been known to get ‘drunk' and pass out.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one.”

He could have given him the weird and creepy ones too with the way Johan’s eyes sparkled with each fact. The way that sparkle squeezed at his heart.

“Did you ever have interests like that?” Johan asked. “Like beyond dueling?”

Judai shrugged. As much as he did remember Yubel and their history together, a fog still clung to most of his early childhood memories. “I guess space. The Neo-Spacians had to come from somewhere. Though…I was never much of a reader, so I never like…learned a lot about it. I just imagined what was out there.”

Johan nodded.

“And drawing, I guess. If you count scribbles. But I never really did it much after I sent…”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize—”

“It’s okay.” Judai gave him a small smile. “It’s…good to be able to grasp onto some positives. Maybe I should start it up again.”

“I may not have crayons, but I do have paper and pencil.” He fell silent, looking off to the side, thoughts swirling in his eyes. “How…How is Yubel?”

Judai tried not to let his jaw drop. He swallowed around the guilt rising to his mouth. Whether it was his own or Yubel’s didn’t exactly matter. Was there even a difference?

“I just…” Johan continued, pulling Judai back. “I haven’t even sensed them and…”

“It worries you?”

“A bit.”

Judai remained quiet, picking at the loose string sticking out of his jacket sleeve. “They’re…fine. Great even.”

“Good, good.”

“They just don’t want to make you…uncomfortable.”

“I’m surprised they’re not completely wrapped around you, staking their claim,” Johan said flatly.

Judai bristled. But how could he blame him? Not like he shared thoughts, feelings with Yubel, knowing just what they were thinking. At least not anymore. Johan never told him about his time with Yubel, nor when he was trapped in Rainbow Dragon. Every now and then Judai wondered. Wondered if it ate away at Johan just as much as it did at him.

“They…They’ve settled. Ever since we fused they…Between being purged of the Light of Destruction and just having the reassurance we’ll be together for all eternity has been enough.”

Johan gave a hollowed hum.

“They…They ultimately loved me and desired my love in return. That’s why everything happened. They were—are—my protector. They just…got a little lost…corrupted.”

“You don’t need to explain their actions to me,” Johan rasped. “I know.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m glad everything is good.”

“I’m…I’m not trying to make excuses or ask your forgiveness on their part. I just…want you to understand why I did what I did. And I don’t want you to be…I know you’d never but…”

“I’m not scared of you, Judai.”

“But you are of them.”

Johan remained silent, ducking away.

“We’re a packaged deal now. I just…I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or open up old wounds.” I don’t want to hurt you again, remained stuck on his tongue.

“Time. We just need time.” A ghost of a smile floated across Johan’s face. “And, maybe, if you visited more often…”

Judai let out an amused huff. “Using my guilt against me. How cruel.”

“But is it working?”

“Maybe a bit.”

Johan’s smile grew and Judai tried not to squirm under it and what he may have just accidentally promised. But always seeming to know just what he needed, he lightly brushed his fingers over Judai’s now bouncing leg. “It seems to have stopped snowing, and the wind has died down for now. I think we could use some fresh air.”

Johan easily pulled him up and towards the door. He rummaged around his closet for a quick second until he pulled out a faded yet still quite puffy grey coat. “It’s a little worn, but quite warm. Definitely warmer than that thin jacket of yours.”

And it definitely was. But Johan was always right, so why had he doubted him in the first place? The sleeves hung almost past his fingers, the coat one size too big, yet it still kept him cozy as he treaded out into the snowy front yard. The fact it smelt like Johan was just a bonus he tried hard to not get carried away by, even as Johan huddled close to help him slip on mittens and a hat.

“I can do that myself you know,” the words came out softer than even Judai expected.

“I know but…I…”

“You?”

Johan shook his head. “Never mind. I just got…carried away. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

For the rest of the afternoon, Johan guided him down the trail beside his house. Though it was hard to tell where the trail started and the grass ended given the piles of snow. Johan seemed to know where he was going, and that was enough for Judai to relax and take in the drifts and blanketed tree branches.

“I don’t think I’ll ever not be in awe of this much snow,” Judai mused, “even with all my travels.”

“Yeah? I mean…I never get tired of looking out at the ocean or sea, so I get it. Though after living with snow for so long…Can’t say I feel the same way about it. But it’s nice for around Christmas time, the way it reflects the lights. Cozy.”

Maybe next Christmas Judai could…No. There was no telling where he would be a year from now and he wasn’t about to make a promise he couldn’t keep. Even if he was now picturing himself curled up with Johan near the fire in the glow of a Christmas tree. Even if his heart ached for it. Out of the corner of his eye, Johan whizzed by in a blue streak, but it wasn’t until he felt something cold hit the back of his head did he realize what his friend was up to.

He whipped around to find a smirking Johan preparing his next snowball.

“So that’s how it is?” Judai snickered. His eyes remained locked on Johan’s as he scooped up a pile of snow and rounded it into an uneven snowball. They just stared with burning eyes for a brief moment. Practically in unison they both made their move, tossing and dodging in time.

Johan had been more graceful, catching himself as his body fell forward. Judai, wasn’t quite so lucky, too focused on throwing his own snowball to prepare to steady himself. It gave Johan the perfect opening to start pelting him. But then Judai managed to roll himself to safety as Johan reloaded. A few haphazard snowballs later, Judai got his revenge.

Eventually, both of them collapsed into the snow in a fit of laughter. Judai laughed until his sides hurt, drinking in just how good it felt to laugh like this again. To laugh with Johan again.

To watch the way his chest rose and fell. Like he used to when he couldn’t sleep and Johan had slept over. Or when he’d sleep beside him in that other dimension before—

He missed Johan’s smile the most. There was something extra lovely about it when his cheeks were nipped red by the cold and his irises were flecked with gold by a few escaped rays of the sunset. Something that made Judai’s heart race.

“We should get back,” Johan said, still a little breathless. He propped himself up. “I got some leftover soup we could warm up on a fire.”

Right on cue, a gust of wind blew through, sending Judai shivering. “That sounds perfect right now.”

Johan extended a hand and Judai didn’t hesitate to take it.

— — —

After about a half-hour of wandering around lost and assistance from their exasperated duel spirits, they made it back to the cabin. Dark as ever, especially as golden evening bled into a purpling twilight. Johan’s fingers twitched as he reached for the door, freezing just before the doorknob.

“Everything okay?” Judai asked in a whisper.

“Yeah, sorry. Zoned out for a minute.” He unlocked the door and swung it open. “After you.”

Judai raised a brow but didn’t push. At least not yet. He knew better than anyone that these kinds of things were delicate. “I’ll get the fire started back up then.” He gave Johan one last glance before feeling his way to the living room.

By the time Johan returned with pot and leftover soup in hand, Judai had gotten the fire going again, casting the living room in an orange light once more. As they waited for the soup to warm up, Johan curled up against Judai. Judai in turn wrapped them up in a blanket, the cold outside finally catching up to them.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Johan whispered. “It’s lonely being cooped up in here.”

“What are we then?” Amethyst cat huffed from Johan’s deck.

Johan chuckled, patting his deck holder. “Yes, I have you. But it’s nice to have someone…physically here. So, I can do this.” He pressed into him further, practically forcing Judai to wrap his arms around him. “You get touch-starved, you know? Downside when most of your friends are spirits you can’t touch.”

Memories of a big empty house and making friends with shadows flashed before Judai. The strange look in his parents eyes as they sat at the far end of the table sent a chill down his spine even now. Fear maybe? And he could still hear the hiss of gossip that followed him everywhere in his little town.

At least he now knew the reason for it all. And he had Yubel and Winged Kuriboh and his other monsters too. He could even make them tangible on the hardest of days.

“I never really thought about it,” Judai shrugged. “I just…got used to it, I guess. Not like my parents were around much, and all the kids steered clear so…”

“My childhood may have not been as tragic—”

“I don’t know. Being orphaned is pretty tragic.” Judai immediately slammed his mouth shut. Maybe that was just a bit too far. But when laughter bubbled out of his friend, he relaxed once more.

“As I was saying,” Johan continued once he caught his breath. “I may not have been in the exact same situation, but I was lonely too, even surrounded by kids. Nobody wanted to play with the weird kid who talked to himself. Who still had ‘imaginary friends’ at thirteen. I don’t think you can ever get ‘used to it.’ Once you’ve felt that warm embrace once, you never forget it. And you crave it, even subconsciously.”

Judai’s throat tightened. He couldn’t recall such a feeling. Perhaps they remained locked where his memories of Yubel once laid. He pulled Johan closer, burying his nose in his hair, squeezing his eyes shut until the burning past.

He may not remember that first warm embrace, but he did remember the warmth of Johan’s hands on his shoulders. Keeping him upright. Soothing him into believing it would all be okay. Sure, the road had a few bumps along the way, scars still ached even a year later, but Johan had been right in the end.

He remembered that hug when they reunited after Judai first returned from the other dimension. It was desperate, Johan nearly knocking him into the water in the way he threw himself at him. All Judai could do back then was return it weakly. Yet he still found himself imagining that warmth every now and then during those cold nights on the road when Yubel refused to let Judai make them tangible because he already used too much of his power in battle.

Now that warmth sat below his fingertips. Still freely given to him even after another painful separation.

Johan suddenly pulled away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That…That probably touched a nerve, I—”

Judai snatched up his arm, nails surely digging a little harshly into the skin. A little gasp fell from Johan’s lips.

“Can you show me?” Judai asked softly. “I-I don’t remember…”

Johan’s shock melted into a gentle smile. “Of course.” He opened his arms for Judai to crawl into.

Judai knew what it meant to cuddle like this. But maybe, just this once, being selfish wasn’t so bad.

— — —

Judai wasn’t usually a heavy sleeper. At least not since Dark World. So, when those warm arms around him pulled away, it jostled him awake easily. Through cracked eyes, he spotted Johan’s shadowy figure, flicking on a flashlight.

He didn’t remember making a sound, but he must have because Johan turned to him. “Shh, go back to sleep. I’m just going to the bathroom.”

Judai grumbled nonsensical protests but complied. His eyes hadn’t lost their sleepy heaviness. It would have been easy to drift off again if not for the sudden bang echoing off the walls. A choked scream followed close behind. One that had Judai fighting the tangle of blankets Johan must have covered him with and springing up into a sprint as soon as he got himself free.

Whipping into the hallway, the sounds of whimpering urged him down to the bathroom. Words jammed up his throat, so he just ripped the door open.

A pained squeak came from the darkness, as did another bump, much quieter this time.

“Hey, hey,” Judai murmured, kneeling in front of what he thought was Johan cowering against the wall. “It’s just me. It’s Judai. Are you hurt? What happened?”

He felt around for the missing flashlight, only to find it busted. He cursed under his breath.

“I-I’m fine,” Johan blubbered. “It’s n-nothing. Just…It’s silly I…I’ll be fine if you just—”

Judai reached out, eventually grazing something semi-solid. Johan’s knee perhaps? No, it had more squish to it.

Johan choked out a breath. “Judai…”

He continued to move his hand up Johan’s leg, eventually hitting his hip. Heat crackled along his cheeks when he realized just where he had been grabbing. But he kept going, eventually finding Johan’s wet hands.

“I knocked the flashlight over while I was washing,” Johan explained. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about right now. The first being your fingers are going to freeze off.” He squeezed Johan’s hand for emphasis.

Blindly, he reached towards where he remembered the sink being, finding the abandoned towel. He wrapped it around Johan’s hands, ignoring how they shook, and gently rubbed them.

“I can do it,” Johan protested, though it came out weak and wet.

Judai gave his hands another squeeze. “Let me take care of you for once.”

“You don’t owe me—”

“I know. But if I can make you feel anything close to how you make me feel, I…you deserve to be cared for too. And I’d be…honoured if I could do that for you.”

Johan remained quiet, but Judai hoped he pulled a little smile out of his friend. Once he freed Johan’s hands from the towel, Johan gripped at his arms. “Thank you,” he whispered. Judai could feel the breath on his cheeks. He swallowed thickly.

“You’re welcome.” He pulled Johan up to his feet. “Lets get back to the fire, hm?”

Judai didn’t let go the entire way back to the living room. He set Johan up on the floor before heading over to the wood and reviving the fire.

The fresh glow revealed blotchy red cheeks and glassy eyes. Something ached deep inside Judai at the sight. Arm still around Johan, he pulled him closer. “You know. A wise man once told me, you’ll feel better if you get it out of here,” he tapped Johan’s forehead. “And put it out there.

Johan snorted, again, weakly.

“Come on! I’ve told you all of my junk.”

“I don’t know…I…”

“Look, I know it’s hard. And it may not seem to be helping at the time but…”

A soft groan escaped from Johan. “How dare you use my advice against me.”

“It was good advice.”

Johan sighed this time, arms coming to wrap around himself. He kept his eyes on the fire but relented in melting against Judai. “It started after…after everything in third year. When we came back…I…I couldn’t stand the dark.”

Judai gripped tightly at Johan’s hip. Yubel’s guilt surged to the forefront, but he was sure his own mingled amongst the cold hollowness inching through his veins.

“I’ve been getting better,” he continued, moving from the fire to bury his face in Judai’s neck. “But…It happened so fast and I was still half-asleep a-and—”

“Shhhh.” His thumb caressed Johan’s hip through the fabric of his sweat-pants. “It’s okay now. It’s only been what? A year? Year and a half? No one is expecting you to be okay. And it’s okay to not be okay. There’s no need for excuses.”

Johan shook his head. “You should get back to sleep. I-I’ll be fine once I’m in the light for a little bit.”

“I hold responsibility here—”

“Judai.”

“And. I just want to. It’s easier when you have someone else to shoulder the burden with.”

Johan gave another weak laugh. “I can’t argue with myself now, can I?”

“You can try, but you’ll lose. Because you’re always right.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

“Never thought you’d be so full of yourself,” Judai snickered, head falling on top of Johan’s. “Maybe I can finally start paying you back for those late night calls or last minute sleepovers.”

“Says the one who didn’t hesitate to run into another dimension to save me.”

“You saved me first though. In that first duel with…But even before that. I was drowning and didn’t even know it.”

Johan’s shoulders bunched up. “Until I was gone.”

Judai pressed his lips together tightly. His hand found Johan’s shoulder and started rubbing it slowly. “Don’t blame yourself. I was bound to break eventually. Yubel…was always going to find me and put my feet to the fire.”

“And I was bound to find you too.”

Judai could feel a small smile growing against his neck. “You think so?”

“You felt it too…When we first met.”

That first touch had been so familiar, zinging through him like it could reignite some dormant memory. “Yeah…”

“Maybe I knew you as…”

“The Supreme King?” Judai swallowed down the bitterness that followed.

“Maybe I knew Yubel too.” With each word, lips brushed against his skin, like little kisses in succession. “Maybe Yubel and I are in a centuries long battle for your hand.”

“Really?” Judai laughed airily. But then it dawned on him what Johan was saying. A blush returned to his face. “Johan…I…”

Johan pulled back, turning his attention to the fire once more. He probably would have scrambled completely away if Judai didn’t keep a hold on him. “I know. I know Yubel and you…”

“That’s…That’s not it…I just. I can’t…What I do is dangerous, and unreliable, and I’m never in one place for too long…”

“Just say the word and I’ll follow you.”

“I couldn’t Johan—”

“You won’t,” Johan corrected, eyes narrowing. “Even though uniting humans and spirits was my goal.”

“And you do that as a pro.”

“But I don’t want to do it that way forever. I already feel like I’m burning out under the contracts and sponsorships and public appearances. My life put under a microscope.” He took a breath. “Just…think about it. That’s all I ask.”

“Okay. But you do know you’ll have to—”

“Be around Yubel. I know. And I’m okay with that. More or less.”

Silence lapsed over them. Long and heavy.

“I don’t know,” Judai eventually said, “I think Yubel might have won that battle when they offered themself up to become a dragon demon hybrid to keep me safe.”

“We’re even because I let them take me to save you so…”

“Mm. A compelling argument. But please don’t actually fight over me. Again.”

Johan huffed playfully. “I can share, Yubel on the other hand…”

“They’d…” Judai’s voice grew serious. “They’d be willing.”

Johan raised a brow, daring to look over at Judai once more. What he found was an intense look, a little unreadable but over all as serious as his tone was.

“I trust you,” he concluded. “If you ever give me the chance.”

“I just don’t want to pull you into my mess again.”

“I want you to.”

“I know I just…Wounds are still raw you know? My conscience is already heavy enough. Even If I know I don’t have to worry about Yubel I…I just feel guilty still for what I’m doing to both of you.”

“I know they love you. Very much. As corrupt and twisted as it once was. But at their core, they’d do anything for you. And that’s where I think we can find common ground.”

“Johan…”

“You’re right though, things are still raw. But I’ll wait.”

Judai wanted to protest, but he’d know what he’d be met with. I want to. Because just like it was for Yubel, his happiness sat high amongst Johan’s priorities. And Johan made him happy.

— — —

That night, Judai dreamt of a knight with blond hair that spiked in a familiar pattern and eyes shielded by a white mask. The knight smiled at him softly. Another familiar sight. Though he couldn’t quite place his finger on why.

Yubel lingered behind him, expression mostly solemn, but jealousy flared just below.

The knight extended a hand to him and Judai’s heart urged him to take it. His lips moved, but Judai couldn’t hear him. But he knew the words were kind. They had to be. Even with the mask, he could tell the way this knight looked at him.

Cautiously, he stepped closer, a part of him hoping he could hear what this knight was saying. Clouds began to crowd the sky. He reached out, only to find his hand stained red. Blood running cold, he stumbled back, pulling his hands to his chest. The knight faded into the grey.

“A memory?” Judai asked. Even in his own head, his voice sounded distant to himself.

“Something like that,” Yubel gritted out.

He buried his hands under his armpits. “Touchy subject?”

“A little.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Judai caught how Yubel dug their claws into their arms. Not piercing the skin, at least not yet, but Judai knew how accidents could happen. Even in a dream. He took Yubel’s hands in his, the stain slowly fading. “I miss having you around.”

Yubel gave a short laugh, pressing their forehead against Judai’s. “I’m still there.” They kissed away the lingering red from his hands. “Always will be.”

“Yeah…But I don’t like having to hide you.”

“I know…”

“Maybe someday…”

“You think we can get there?”

“You said it yourself. I can have more. But If I go for more, we’ll have to get there.”

Yubel's gaze drifted back to where the knight once stood. Something tugged in both their chests, one Judai knew well. This time, things would be different.

— — —

When Judai awoke that morning, the lamp beside the armchair cast the room in a cozy golden glow. Outside remained a hazy blue in the early morning hours, but at least it looked like the snow stopped. He plugged his phone in only to be met with a notification that his new flight was set for this evening.

Static buzzed between his ears. He almost missed the rather loud grunt of Johan stretching into a sitting position. “Power back?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah.” Judai held his breath. “And my flight’s back on this evening.”

An empty hum sounded from behind him. When he turned back, he found Johan bundled up in one of the blankets, eyes still blurry with sleep but the grimace on his face was still apparent. Judai’s heart stuttered.

“I’ll drive you,” Johan offered, voice unnaturally steady.

“Johan…”

“But at least have breakfast. And maybe we can squeeze in lunch on our way to the airport.”

“Johan.”

He rose to his feet, blanket still hanging on his shoulders even as he made his way over to the kitchen. “I’ve been craving pancakes. Got some whipped cream and I think some berries. If they're still good."

Judai finally scrambled up to join, gripping Johan’s upper arms and spinning him around. Their noses brushed against each other. For the first time since Dark World, he thought kissing Johan wouldn’t be so bad. Johan just blinked at him, lips drawn tight.

Slowly, he began rubbing up and down Johan’s arms. “Actually, I was thinking…I’ve been on the go for awhile I…Maybe I need a break.”

A shine passed over Johan’s eyes. “A break?”

“Mhm. And you have that big European tournament starting up soon, right?”

“Yes…”

“Do…” Judai’s heart tripped as he looked up at his friend. His eyes still sparkling. No, glowing with…hope? Judai swallowed around the bundles of emotions. “If you don’t mind hosting me for a little longer. Think I can stick around to catch it?”

Smirk growing on his face, Johan gave a long hum. “I don’t know…I’ll have to check if there are still tickets available.”

“Johan,” Judai whined dramatically.

Johan wrapped his arms around his waist, tugging him even closer. So much for his suave and witty approach. Though he probably already ruined it with the whining.

“Lucky for you, you’re…friends with the champion of Europe. I could probably pull a few strings.”

“What…” Judai’s gaze drifted to the side, squeezing shut. Hopefully his blooming blush wasn’t too noticeable. “What about more than friends?”

Johan floundered, cheeks pink and mouth in that little ‘oh’ again. But he soon melted into another smirk, a little softer around the edges this time. Fingers curled gently around Judai’s chin. They made no move to make him look. Instead, lips brushed against his cheek. That pulled his attention back.

“Was…Was that okay?” Johan asked, voice slightly trembling.

He pulled his hand away, but Judai grabbed his wrist, guiding it to his cheek. Right where he had kissed him. “It was…great.”

Johan’s eyes combed over him, smirk slightly faltering again. “So, you’re really staying?”

Judai nodded. “If you’ll have me.”

Johan threw his arms around him just like he did when he first brought him home. This time when Judai buried his nose in his neck, he pressed a kiss into Johan’s pulse. Home. He never really had one of those before. But here in the warmth, in the safety of Johan’s arms, maybe even a wanderer like him could.

— — —

Author's Note:

Fun Fact: For those not in the loop, Johan in the manga version of GX (which is VERY different from the anime) plays a bug deck instead of the Crystal Beasts. So I took a page from some fellow spiritshipping authors and decided to make that bug deck his deck from before. I even went searching the Wiki to get actual monster names so Needle Honey Bee is actually a card in his deck in the manga.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed :)