I am not whole.

Ethan Carver, 19, Omega, Single. Never whole, never again.

[xethancarverx]

Some Normalcy || Open RP

Ethan wanted to have some normalcy in his life. What better way to do it than to go have some normal, everyday fun? Even though he was now officially a part of Scott's pack, he wasn't sure if any of them were ready to start hanging out. Ethan decided to head down the Beacon Hills Cinema to catch a movie. While he sat in line, trying to pick a movie, someone put a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around to spot a familiar face. "Oh, hey."

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

"It’s really not an issue Ethan." Lydia replied with a smile. Looking at Ethan’s smile reminded her of Aiden, and then she felt a slight ache in her chest. Lydia knew that Aiden would want her to help get Ethan in Scott’s pack, because after all, it was something they’d both been after. "I have a feeling that he’s going to feel the same way that I do."

"We’ve all made mistakes, and we have all done things we regret. Nobody is going to hold your past mistakes against you. At least not for too long." Lydia replied, trying to help boost Ethan’s confidence. "You’re not going to be a burden Ethan. I don’t think you need to worry about being useful, because I am sure you will be."

"Thanks Lydia. You always have a way of making me feel better." Ethan said, his confidence successfully boosted. Ethan felt ready to talk to Scott now. Lydia had this strange way of making someone feel better by just talking. Ethan found it very apparent why Aiden, who never had a  positive female role model in his life, changed so quickly after meeting her and falling in love.

"I'll do it tomorrow. Talk to Scott, I mean," Ethan said. "wish me luck." Ethan said before hesitating then pulling Lydia into a hug, then running off.

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Scott was sitting in school, trying to focus on the writing on the board about what he thought was Reconstruction. It seemed a fitting topic since recent events meant it was time for Scott to reconstruct his pack, bringing in Erica, Derek, and now Bridget. It seemed impossible, improbable, that they could be resurrected. Who was bringing them back? And what is their motive? Are they friend or foe?

As Scott was lost in thought, he jumped as a hand slammed on his desk, looking up to see Coach Finstock giving him the evil eye for not paying attention. “Uh, was it President Grant?” Scott was starting to sweat a little, relieved when he actually got the answer right. Once Coach’s forehead vein stopped throbbing, he was left to his thoughts until the bell rang.

Scott ran out of the classroom quickly before Coach could stop him to yell. He switched his books out, hoping to get home before anyone else could stop him from a very needed think session. As he made his way down the stairs, he quickly sprinted to his bike, hopping on it, thoughts distracting him from putting on a helmet.

Scott was about to take off when he was stopped in his tracks at the sight of Ethan. That was the last person he expected to see. He knew it was Ethan and not Aiden by his scent. Also, the Omega carried a sadness that felt heavy, which only made Scott feel worse. “Hi, Ethan.” It seemed as though he wasn’t able to leave Beacon Hills after all.

"I-Uh, you want to join the pack? Are you sure? I mean…after what happened to Aiden I thought you’d want to get away from here as fast as possible. What changed your mind?"

"Yeah. I'm sure, a-and I did. I did want to get the hell out of here, but something kept calling to me, telling me I shouldn't. I tried to ignore it and when I got the courage to leave, I couldn't. They're were too many hunters surrounding the area. One's I've never seen before. Not the Argents, not even their relatives. There was a group of Hispanic hunters and then another guy that has been trying to hunt me and Aiden down since we first became Alpha's." Ethan said, still feeling the pain from his last encounter with him.

"I lost him, but he got me good. Being an Omega is slowing my healing rate and weakening me. He stabbed me on the arm with his knife and it took almost a full day for it to finish healing. " Ethan said, his hand ghosting over the spot where he got stabbed.

"He set this trap that led me into the woods and trapped me with mountain ash, then he stuck me with a knife. I got lucky because he broke the circle on accident, so I was able to get away, but if he didn't break it, I'm not sure I would've lived. But that wasn't the worst part. Somehow, he knew Aiden died. He just kept taunting me and taunting me. I wanted to die." Ethan said, reflecting on his emotions on that night.

"I'm not asking to join your pack me make me stronger. I'm not joining to kill for you. I just don't want anyone to have to deal with that kind of torture again." Ethan said, pausing to recompose himself. "I want to join your pack. I'm sure of it. I would have killed to be in your pack a couple of months ago. But now, I'd die for you. Not only you, the rest of the pack... Lydia, Stiles, Derek, even Isaac and Erica."

"I feel like garbage after doing all those terrible things to the rest of your pack. I want to join your pack so I can make it so no one does anything that terrible again. I want to protect them." Ethan said, his blue eyes flashing brightly, then Ethan reminded himself that he was in the school's parking lot and quickly dimmed them.

"Scott, please let me join your pack." Ethan said, lowering his head to show submission, like his parent's had taught him to when asking for something from someone of a higher rank.

[xethancarverx]

Making it Official || Ethan & Scott

Ethan felt nervous, which was weird. He usually had plenty of self confidence. But Ethan's life depended on weather or not Scott would accept him into his pack. Ethan knew that he couldn't continue to watch his own back, and frankly, he was nervous that Scott would tell him 'no.'

Ethan felt trapped outside of school, sleeping in the abandoned warehouse district in a subway car, which was apparently the former lair of Derek during his short tenure as an Alpha. Ethan constantly worried that if he needed to help, nobody would come to help him. That's why Ethan knew this conversation was going to effect him greatly. Ethan needed to become a Beta in Scott's pack.

Throughout the week, Ethan had talked to Lydia, Derek, and Isaac. Lydia seemed to welcome him with open arms, Ethan thought that was only because Lydia felt pity for him. Isaac was completely different and didn't trust him, rightly so because of the terrible things Ethan did to him, Erica and Boyd.

Although it wasn't everyone Ethan thought he should have talked to, he couldn't wait any longer. Ethan would have felt better had he gotten Stiles' permission, ever since the Nogitsune incident, Ethan had avoided him. But Ethan couldn't wait any longer. So when he saw Scott outside of the school, getting ready to ride off in his bike, Ethan stopped him.

"Scott. I want to join your pack."

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Derek slid open his loft door and raised an eyebrow at the werewolf who stood on the other side.  He didn’t look aggressive, or even unhappy, but he didn’t move to let Ethan into his loft either.  ”I’m not an Alpha,” Derek replied with a shrug.  ”I can’t offer you a place in my pack anymore.”  To be honest, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure of his place in his pack.  When he’d been sixteen again, Scott had made it perfectly clear that Derek was in his pack.  But was that just because he was young and alone and vulnerable?

"I know that, Derek." Ethan said, "But you do have a pack, with an Alpha." Ethan paused. "Scott's pack. You can convince him. I can follow orders, and we- I'm not a bad person." Ethan said, almost referring to him and Aiden before correcting himself, hoping Derek didn't notice.

"We helped fight off the Oni so we could save your little Stiles, Aiden sacrificed his life to help save Stiles and the whole town of Beacon Hills. Derek, Scott might not believe it, but I can be a good addition to the pack. I'm not the same as I was before, not like I was with Deucalion. I can help protect people."

"You asked us if we we're willing to die for Scott, and we were, Aiden proved that. I know you can't accept me into the pack. But could you at least talk to Scott for me? I can't fight on my own and watch my own back anymore."

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Lydia nodded at Ethan, realizing he was probably confused as to why she was living at the McCall’s. She knew if she explained it to him, he’d probably understand. Lydia knew that she wasn’t the only person that was feeling scared and alone these days. Ethan too had lost Aiden, and the hole that he had left in his life was far bigger than the hole that he had left in her’s. 

"I understand. I really do. I know what it feels like to be all alone. That’s why I’m here actually. Scott’s mom was nice enough to take me in while my mom is gone away on a work trip." Lydia replied. She noticed that Ethan seemed vulnerable, and lost. It wasn’t a look she was used to seeing on the former Alpha twin, but she was certain that it wasn’t the last time she would see it. "It seems that Scott is all about saving the misfits of Beacon Hills these days. With that being said, I am sure he would probably be totally okay with you joining his pack. It would be nice to have you around."

"Thanks Lydia." Ethan said, a small smile on his face, and a renewed determination to find a place in Scott's pack. "I'm still going to have ask Scott, but it really means a lot to me that you think that I'd make a good addition to the pack." Ethan said, his smile getting a bit bigger.

"It might take everyone else a while to accept me fully into the pack." Ethan said, pausing briefly. "But I'm going to make myself a burden worth bearing. I'll make the rest of the pack feel like I'm useful." Ethan spoke confidently, and with a renewed sense of vigor.

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Lydia heard a knock on the door, then looked around to see if anyone was going to answer it. She wasn’t really sure if she should, since it was her first day living at the McCall house, and whoever was at the door was most likely looking for someone else. After a moment of thinking, Lydia decided that nobody else was home, and not answering the door would be sort of rude. She got up from the couch, and walked over to the door putting on a fake smile as she opened it. Lydia was surprised to see Ethan. “Have you come to ask to be in Scott”s?”

"Lydia?" Ethan asked, he wanted to know why she was here, but he recalled an earlier conversation in the school in which he overheard she would be staying with the McCall's for a while.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Lydia, I can't do this alone anymore." Ethan said, running a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. "I can't constantly watch my own back anymore. It was different being an Omega with Aiden, we could watch each others back, but I can't do it alone anymore. I'm not healing right, I can hardly sleep in the car without worrying that hunters are going to get me. It's seriously stressing me out."

[xethancarverx]

I Need A Pack || Open

Ethan knew he couldn't manage on his own anymore. Ethan needed a pack, and he couldn't fight alone. His Omega status made him even weaker. When it was Ethan and his brother, they could at least watch each others back, but now it was just him, and Ethan knows that it wouldn't be long until something overwhelmed him. He wasn't sure what drove him here, but he knocked, and the door opened. Ethan thought it was best just to ask the questions straight out. "I need a pack and I can't manage on my own anymore."

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Isaac raised an eyebrow slightly as Ethan said it was ‘nice to see him again’, he couldn’t exactly say the same for himself. Ethan was part of the pack that had killed Erica and had tortured and nearly killed him. He had actively helped to murder Boyd and Isaac didn’t think that he would ever get past that. He nodded carefully at the other boy’s words, “Erica is back. No thanks to you.” he said, unable to keep himself from making the comment. “I didn’t realize the hunter issue had gotten that bad, I’ll warn Scott.” he added tensely. 

He sent the other boy a confused look as he apologized, claiming to have never wanted to do the things he did. Isaac didn’t trust easily as it was and believing someone who had done so much to hurt him and the people he cared about wasn’t something that would come easily, even if he couldn’t sense a lie from the Omega. He glanced down, shuffling awkwardly at the implication that Deucalion would have killed them if they had gone against his orders. If it had only been Ethan in danger, Isaac would think that it was no excuse, but he knew how far he would have gone to keep Camden alive and he knew that he couldn’t say he wouldn’t have done the same to save his brother. 

He nodded sharply, avoiding eye contact as he took in a deep breath. “I had a brother too. I would have done just about anything to save him.” he said softly, letting out the breath before forcing himself to look up at Ethan. “You still killed my packmate. I can’t forget that. I can … I can understand why. But I can’t forget that. I can’t forgive it. At least not now.” he said.

Ethan felt... good? He certainly didn't expect Isaac to respond that calmly. "Thanks Isaac. Do me a favor and tell Scott I'm back." Ethan shuffled with the paper in his pocket, but on a whim, he pulled it out.

"Here's my cell. Text me if you need help with anything. Or don't, it's your call. Just give it to Scott if you don't want it." Ethan said, giving the small paper with his name and number scribbled on it. Ethan shifted awkwardly in his place.

"I know I'll never be able to say it enough, but I really am sorry, Isaac." Ethan said.

[triskeletattoowolf-blog]

Apparently it was wearing off... [Open]

That’s why I was remembering things.

[xethancarverx]

"Derek!" Ethan said, having been looking for him since someone had told him about what happened. When Ethan found the boy, he was, well, not quite a boy as he was a man again.

"You don't look very young to me. Guess I missed that, huh?" Ethan said, one eyebrow raised.

[xethancarverx]

Heads I Live, Tails I Die

Location: Beacon Hills High School and Beacon Hills Perserve Time: Two-Thirty in the afternoon, Warnings: Death mention, Blood, Self-Harm Summary: Ethan's life is just the flip of a coin

Ethan needed help, because he wasn’t sure what to do with himself anymore. Ethan never made decisions by himself, regardless of what others thought, he was merely the planner between him and his brother. He always let his brother make the decisions, and he would make a plan with the best outcome. But now, with the shared brainpower cut in half, he wasn’t sure what to do.

Ethan had made a half-witted plan to leave Beacon Hills, and nearly gotten killed by a hunter who knifed him. In fact, it was the same hunter that had been hunting him for many years now. The hunter had know him even from before he had officially joined the Alpha pack. The hunter had tried to kill him and his brother after they killed their second pack and their abusive Alpha. He could hear the hunter’s words ringing in his mind “Just you this time, huh? Where is your brother, someone get to him before I could?” Ethan wishes that he were his brother, because his brother would have killed him for saying that about him. But Ethan could never be Aiden, couldn’t replace him, even being twins, Ethan was no Aiden. So Ethan pulled the knife out of his side and ran back to Beacon Hills. The knife wound wouldn’t heal for two hours later, and Ethan wasn’t sure if it was laced with something, but it was abnormal.

Everything was abnormal, he came back, shocked to see Erica alive, even after Kali killed her. Their reunion was, less than pleasant, but he wasn’t expecting a warm welcome. Although with her alive, he did feel less guilty being in Beacon Hills. But even with Erica alive, Isaac still didn’t forgive him, even though he didn’t deserve it if he did. Ethan and his brother did terrible things to Isaac, assaulting him on several occasions and locking him in a closet with Allison, knowing fully well how he would have reacted to it. Ethan felt worse being back than with the knife jammed inside of him.

Ethan impatiently waited for the bell to sound and jumped up when it did. He was the first one to leave class, and trotted down the hall, he threw his textbooks and notes on his pile of work he missed. Ethan reminded himself to get to that, Ethan threw it in his bag and grabbed his helmet. He may have shut the locker door a bit too hard, but he didn’t care. Ethan paced briskly through the hall, his eyes set on the front doors. Ethan wondered why he even bothered doing the school work he missed. He should have been in college by now, not studying and writing papers about ‘How to Kill A Mockingbird.’

Ethan pushed the doors open and kept walking, even when Danny, who was talking to another boy on the Lacrosse team, Greenberg maybe, waved to him. Ethan couldn’t even look at Danny, even though Danny knew what he was, and accepted him for it, even he didn’t love Ethan anymore. Just seeing him made him sick, just another person on the list of people who didn’t like him anymore. There were approximately zero people on the list of people that did like Ethan, not even his brother. Ethan felt he deserved it. He jumped on his bike and took off, he need to let off some steam, so he sped out of the school parking lot and headed towards the Beacon Hills preserve.

Ethan pondered why he didn’t heal normally anymore. Was the knife really coated in something? No, what kind of poison would only causes temporary damage. No, it wasn’t coated. Ethan felt too guilty to heal after what happened to Aiden to heal correctly. Ethan, in one of his many internet browsing sessions, was shocked to learn that when one twin dies, the other is at least fifty percent likely to die within two years later than that. Ethan felt it too, the flip of the coin that was going to be his life, either kill him or let him live. What’s worse is that it didn’t specify any disease or cause for the death of the twin, it’s just that they died. Be it sickness, suicide, accidental death, you name it, the other twin was just not supposed to live alone.

Ethan thought about it too, not living anymore.

Yes, Ethan knew it was wrong, but every time he looked in the mirror, it was like looking at Aiden on the other side. It was a constant reminder that he was no longer whole. Looking at himself in the mirror became an arduous task, it wasn’t staring at himself to make sure he looked okay, it was starting at Aiden’s dead body. That’s what was so terrible about it. Every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn’t ever see himself anymore, he just was reminded of his brother. Ethan slammed on the breaks, realizing that he nearly drifted off the road, so deep in thought. Just a flip of a coin.

Ethan dropped his bag near his bike and took off, full sprint around the Preserve. Ethan hadn’t even realized when he began running to the spot near the Nemeton where he buried his brother. Ethan could have sworn he saw a woman walking around his grave, unmarked of course, because he couldn’t have an marked grave just sitting in the preserve. This was the difference between Aiden and Allison, Allison was a good person, so she had a wonderful funeral with her father and friends in a real graveyard, close friends gave speeches and gave her flowers. Aiden was thrown in a ditch and covered with dirt, cleaned up the best he could be. Ethan remembered every moment of it. Wiping the blackened blood off of his body and putting him in his nicest pair of jeans and his own favorite jacket.

Ethan spent the money he didn’t have on a nice set of white linen sheets to wrap him in, to at least preserve him as best he could. But the mysterious woman had disappeared by the time he got there. Maybe it was Lydia, I mean, with her whole Death Sense, she probably came upon his grave while he was gone, maybe even without it, she was clever enough to find it.

As for burying him next to the Nemeton, Ethan had thought hopefully it would have brought him back like it did with Jennifer Blake, a.k.a. the Dark Druid/ Darach that nearly killed them when they first came to Beacon Hills. When they were still bad. If it could bring back someone that evil, then why wouldn’t it bring Aiden back. Aiden wasn’t nearly as bad as she was. But still, even after a week, nothing. So Ethan tried to leave. Yet, here he was, almost a month later, still standing at his improvised grave.

Ethan was a wreck. He sat over the fresh dirt, which had still not grown back yet. He sat there, crying. Only him and his brother, he sat there. His brother was the only one he allowed to ever see him cry, and that’s the way it was going to stay.

Maybe Ethan was meant to be here. To die right next to his brother. The statistics certainly suggested so. Ethan needed to know. He drew his claws out on one arm and scratched himself along his other arm, slicing it open. If I’m not supposed to live without him, then let this kill me, he thought. If I’m supposed to live and should do something to help, it’ll heal. The flip of this proverbial coin, to live or to die, would decide what he was going to do. Ethan took a quarter out of his pocket and began fiddling with it. Ethan began repeating to himself, ‘Heads I live, tails I die.’

Ethan laid down, his arm bleeding. Ethan wouldn’t look at it. Ethan stared into the bland grey sky, clouds on the verge of rain. He closed his eyes. After a long while, he opened them. Here was Aiden, standing over him. Ethan shot up.

“You jackass. What do you think your doing. Kill yourself because i’m gone? That’s your answer. Your supposed to be the smart one. Get your ass up, I can’t fix all the damage i’ve done, but you still can.” Aiden reached out to Ethan, grabbing his hand and took the coin. “So do it, go help everyone. Protect Scott, Lydia, Danny, Isaac, Erica, everyone. Show everyone your not a bad guy.” “Heads up,” Aiden said, throwing the coin back. That’s when Ethan opened his eyes. But this time, he actually woke up. The cool rain on his face.

It was a light rain, typical of this time of year. Ethan got up and shook the rain off his head. Ethan opened his hand to find the coin bent at a 45 degree angle, so the heads side was facing out, and his other arm healed. Ethan smiled. He was going to live. It will always land Heads on this coin now. He dropped the coin over Aiden’s grave and ran back to his bike and his bag, now drenched. All the items inside, probably soaked or ruined.

[xethancarverx]

[xethancarverx]

Isaac sighed as he walked through the school, feeling like it was useless to even be there when they had other things to figure out, like where Kate Argent was, what she was up to, and how to fix Derek. With the dangers constantly around them school often felt like it should be a much lower priority, but he wanted Mrs. McCall to be proud of him, and trying to keep up decent grades was one of the few ways he knew how to do that.

He frowned when he suddenly spotted someone who shouldn’t be there, moving forward slightly to confirm who it was before glaring at the ground for a moment, reminding himself to at least be civil. They were in public and Ethan had just lost his brother. Isaac knew what that was like. “Ethan!” he called, watching as the other boy turned around. “I thought you had left town. When did you get back? Why are you back?” he asked.

Ethan could cry. The first person to find him would be the one who completely distrusts him the most in Scott's pack. Not like constantly assaulting each other and locking him in a closet would have made them very good friends anyway. "Hey Isaac, nice to, um, see you again." Ethan said.

"Yeah, I did plan on leaving, but I was hearing some rumors about Erica coming back, from, well- the dead. Plus there was too much Hunter activity around here to get very far. So I decided it was best I stayed close, just in case anything goes down." Ethan said, playing with his helmet in hand, trying to keep the tension to a minimum. Ethan wanted there to be no tension. But somethings can't be simply forgotten.

"Isaac, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. For letting Kali get Erica, for helping with Boyd, for all those really terrible things I did to you, using your fear against you. I know it's not worth much, but I never wanted any of that." Ethan looked up, trying to catch any kind of emotion that his apology might have evoked.

"It's just that, once Deucalion had us, we couldn't stop. Even when we wanted to stop, he made us do it. There was no such thing as 'too far' with him. Disobeying him was suicide. I just wanted to keep Aiden and Me safe." Ethan said, feeling terrible, thinking about a few months back, about how consistently trapped he felt. Made to commit all these terrible acts, with no other alternative. It was almost as bad hanging around with his old pack, their abusive Alpha that killed their parents constantly pushing them around. After killing him, Ethan wanted to be done, but Deucalion wasn't having any of it.

"I know I keep saying it, but I can't express enough how bad I feel. If you can't forgive me, I don't blame you. Just know, it wasn't personal. Any of it. We just had to follow orders." Ethan said, trying to keep his claws in, picturing the memories of him and his brother covered in scratches and bruises inflicted by their first alpha, then the constant punishments that Deucalion inflicted when they did something stupid with the small claw in the tip of his cane.

[xethancarverx]

The only other photo I have with him. At some party, some stupid surveillance mission Dukes sent us on. Least we learned to control the eye flair in this one :/ What I wouldn't give to have more pics with him.

[xethancarverx]

I seriously only have like, two photos of me and Aiden. This was the earliest one we ever had, we couldn't really control the eye flair, so our parents wouldn't let us look at the camera because they had to take it to get developed.

[xethancarverx]

Return // Open RP

Ethan sighed after parking in the lot and before jumping off his bike. He could hear his voice echoing in the back of his mind. 'I'm not taking math.' The voice said. "Don't worry, I'll take it for you." Ethan said to himself, taking off his helmet and fixing his hair.

He walked over to the schools door, wondering if Deucalion's fake transcripts still checked out. He'd hate to have to explain why a nearly 20 year old boy was trying to get back in to high school. But, then again, this wasn't Deucalion's first time around, he had had Ethan and Aiden enter many high schools under the visage of high school students. But this is the only one where they've stayed for more than a few months. Ethan pushed the thought in the back of his head, he'd be fine. He entered the school, briskly walking through the hall, trying to reach his locker to put his helmet away.

The only thing he needed to worry about is when everyone finally realized that he was back. Suddenly, almost as if on cue of him lamenting the very thought, he heard someone call his name from behind. He cursed to himself. Why couldn't they have just chosen today to skip school.

"Hey." Ethan said, turning around, not expecting to see this person.

[ever-living-erica]

[xethancarverx]

Erica narrowed her eyes at the male. From what Isaac said Ethan was suppose to have left town, but here he was. His questions were not really helping his case in anyway. “Rumor mill? You mean your friend Kali who killed me.” Erica paused for a moment before continuing, “The ‘rumor mill’ told me she died too along with most of your pack. Oh and Boyd was killed too. Though none of them came back like I did.”

The tips of her fingers began to grow claws. Looking down she tried to calm her breathing not wanted others to see them. Crossing her arms over her chest hid her hands behind her arms and watched the male for a moment.

Ethan lowered his head and stuck up his hands. He didn’t want to fight her, although he felt he probably deserved to get beaten. “Look, I know your mad, and you have a right to be mad, I didn’t want anyone to die. I just didn’t want to die. I just want to keep me and Ai-“ Ethan stopped himself, the name caught in his throat. He couldn’t say his name, “-my brother- safe. I shouldn’t have let her kill you, but you don’t understand. If I went against Kali, that would have been going against Deucalion’s orders. I could’ve taken her, but Deucalion would rip me in half, and would’ve killed you anyway. Trust me, I didn’t want to kill anyone.”

“I’m not here to fight. I just need to know. How." Ethan's voice trembled with a dire need to get this information. "How did you come back. I need to know.” Ethan urged the girl while keeping his distance in case she were to fight.

[misslydiamartinxoxo-blog]

[xethancarverx]

I can’t say I fully understand those bonds, especially not the brother bond, but I am sure they are all important in their own way as well. My family hasn’t always been around, and I am sure that he was forever thankful to have a brother that cared so much about his well being and happiness. I am glad that I made him happy, because he made me happy as well. I in no way regret loving him, because I really did. Our love made losing him hard, but even knowing what I know now, I would have loved him.

Thanks Lydia, It really means a lot to hear that. I have to go check on some other stuff, but i'll keep in touch, see you around. Remember, just call if you need me.