the importance of ilya's accomodations for shane's autism, seen through the florida bar scene.
i have a lot of thoughts on ilya and shane's dynamic regarding shane's autism, let me know if anyone would be interested in more of these bcs i'd be happy to provide :)
autistic shane means a lot to me, as an autistic person. but, i am one autistic person, so everything i say is from my own experiences.
i personally believe that shane's autism is more evident in his differences in social-emotional reciprocity rather than any highly restricted, fixated interests, or hyper- or hypo- reactivity to sensory input. what this basically means is, we see most of his challenges in relation to communicating with other people.
for most of the series so far, he is reserved. contained. speaks when he is spoken to. spends a lot of time formulating his responses. he is methodical and precise. this is very common amongst autistic people because, after a lifetime of being misunderstood, you learn to structure your words and sentences in the perfect way to avoid miscommunications and misunderstandings.
this is evident in shane throughout the whole series- up until the all star game in florida. he rarely initiates conversations with ilya. he types and deletes and retypes texts. he usually does not say what he means.
shane walks into the bar in florida, and he sits himself down directly next to ilya. this is the audience's first sign that something has changed in shane, that he has done a lot of internal work, and that rose's acceptance of him has clearly changed something in him.
and whilst the generalised changes in shane's behaviour are spectacular and fantastic character building, they're not what i'm focusing on.
it is very clear throughout this conversation that shane is trying. he is TRYING. to be honest with ilya. he simply DOES NOT KNOW what he is being asked. so he CANNOT ANSWER.
when ilya asks, "did you bring anyone with you?", shane answers honestly- no, his parents aren't here. it is very clear to ilya what he is asking - he is trying to figure out if shane is with rose, if rose is here - but it is not clear to shane. he can't even begin to understand the implication, because it is simply not there for him.
this is where a lot of people go wrong with trying to communicate with autistic people. there is no cheat code you can provide to unlock the hidden ability to understand implied things. it just doesn't work.
when shane asks the question back, he is engaging in social scripting. it is expected that when you are asked a question, you reciprocate the question to the other person. he's masking, copying what he has been taught is to be expected.
when ilya asks, "did someone take you shopping?", he knows, and the audience knows, that he's trying again. trying to get shane to tell him whether rose, his girlfriend, took him shopping. it's the one thing he so desperately wants to know.
but shane can't give an answer to him, because he doesn't know what he's being asked. so he answers earnestly, tells ilya about hiring a stylist. obviously, this amuses ilya to no end, but still, no answer on rose.
and then, ilya does the perfect thing. this is how you communicate with autistic people, and i think it's a wonderful example of the ways people - whether they be friends, parents, or romantic partners - can adapt the way they communicate to accomodate for their autistic loved ones.
ilya asks shane straight up, "so this has nothing to do with rose landry?" this is clear and direct communication, and allows shane to understand what ilya really means.
and the moment that ilya asks the question, fully, properly, and head-on, shane gives him an answer.
when shane understands what he is being asked. he answers truthfully almost immediately.
and that's the whole thing!!! when you adapt the way you communicate, you will get better communication. when shane understands what is being asked of him, he is able to answer the question- thus, ilya gets an answer, they are able to better engage in conversation, and an improvement occurs in their relationship.
this is where i think a lot of allistic people go wrong. they try and make accomodations based around THEIR ideas of communication, but autistic communication is not the same. and you see this perfectly with shane and ilya.
so, not only is he gorgeous, but ilya is the perfect example of someone who accomodates their partner.
how fucking wonderful is that!!!!
