god does not play dice.

( —but i do. ) xi jialun, 21, son of tyche.

[outcastsuggestion]

no one could possibly love me for the wolf i am so i have no choice but to hide in sheep’s clothing

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

[ x ]

ethan bit his own bottom lip when jialun spoke against his lips, barely restraining himself from leaning forward and kissing him again — he’d find out what jialun was trying to say later — but then his mind picked up ‘crush’ and ‘convincing’, and then it was his turn to smirk, shrugging. “daphne is a perfectly beautiful and sweet girl; i have no idea what you’re talking about.” she was beautiful, but ethan was also very much occupied by another set of big brown eyes then (and now. and maybe forever.).

“That sounds like a you problem,” Jialun murmured, smugly. “The Tyche cabin has furniture. Rearrangeable, and everything.” Then again, it’s also a glorified casino with a penchant for drawing out everyone’s hidden vices. But you win some, you lose some, right? “And I’m well aware that you can handle yourself.”

He gave a small smile at Ethan’s proclamation, softened by a roll of his eyes. His exasperation was belied by the slight movement of his fingers in Ethan’s hair, halfway between possessive and protective. Maybe we pick up more from our parents than we realize, he thought in response to Ethan’s question, but he stayed silent, shaking his head. “Never mind. I can’t stand any of the Zeus kids but you, anyway.”

At Ethan’s smirk, Jialun narrowed his eyes, fingers in Ethan’s hair twitching in a slight tug. “Don’t call a girl beautiful when you’re cuddled up to me,” he said flatly, his voice half a growl. Or just don’t, in general. He sighed dramatically, drawing back. “Or maybe, you’d rather be with Daphne.” 

He tried not to sound bitter, missing the mark by quite a bit. It’s not that he was jealous. (Jealousy implied that he was insecure, and he wasn’t. Not at all.)

[xjialun-blog]

sunshinexwill:

It was fair for Jialun to be confused at what Sunshine had said, which was a very understandable reaction. Pulling their hands out of their pockets, out came three Polaroid pictures in each hand. Each photo was a picture of a house plant, either in a group or up close. “Yeah, my kids,” they said, holding the pictures out. “Oh come on now, it’s not like it’s gonna take a long time.” Lies. “I’m sure whatever you were doing can wait.”

“For some reason,” Jialun said, pursing his lips, “I doubt that.” He stepped forward as they pulled pictures out of their pocket anyway, humoring them. Glancing at each of the Polaroids in turn, he frowned.

“They’re plants,” he said blankly. 

[xjialun-blog]

okjean:

“I don’t know enough people at camp to know any gossip,” she contemplated for a moment about whether or not what little knowledge of camp she did have would count a ‘gossip’, and decided against that route. She was hesitant to reveal what favor she wanted, and instead tried to gauge what the price would be.

“We’ll have to go with the favor, I suppose. What did you have in mind?”

At her reply, he narrowed his eyes, though he tipped his head in acknowledgement. I think you do, he thought, but he let it slide. “No clue,” Jialun said, unhelpfully. “A favor for a favor, and then you can owe me in the future.”

He paused, frowning. “No blood sacrifices, either.” 

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

when jialun came up with a host of retaliations to his lies, ethan raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “i’m sorry, you murdered your siblings in your heart?” he asked, clearly just wanting to put jialun on a spot. you lied, was the point here. his second retaliation had him chuckling. “and how’s that been working out for you? got yourself to believe it yet?” ethan asked teasingly, burrowing himself further into jialun’s embrace, as if to make a point. sending a small kick to jialun’s ankle, he looked up and shot him a chiding look. “you’re terrible. do you constantly say things like that to your own siblings too?”

“and?” ethan challenged, “do i meet your standards?” after years of ‘get out’, ‘i hate you’, and ‘please go and die’, it was fun to finally have this moment of retaliation, to actually be able to have jialun tell him that he liked him, that he was important. things that he needed to hear but never quite told anyone, not even his mother.

ethan snorted in disbelief. “of all people, why would you believe that? if zeus is really that outstanding leader everyone says he is, well… i wouldn’t exist. neither would your mom, or you, or, like, seventy percent of the gods.” he flung his hands out to his sides in a shrug. “trust me, it’s not really in our nature. and that,” he emphasised dramatically, “is a lie. either that, or my siblings have a very wild imagination and i’m an anomaly. do enlighten me, though, when did i last tell a lie?”

“Peace and quiet in the cabin,” Jialun said, with a shrug. “Would be nice.” He wasn’t particularly attached to any of his so-called siblings, and he was even reluctant to recognize their relation to him at all. It was a slippery slope, he thought, glancing over at Ethan as he scooted closer, eyes going fond. Jialun hummed, noncommittally, shifting to accommodate Ethan’s position as a quiet answer. “I say worse things when you’re not around to hear them, so yes.” 

At Ethan’s challenge, Jialun held back a roll of his eyes. Needy. 

“You’ll do,” Jialun allowed, his voice effused with warmth. It was a meaningless question, after all, given their current circumstances — Jialun assumed the answer was rather obvious, by now. And don’t remind me about Zeus and Tyche, Jialun thought, wincing internally. 

“The worst kind of lies,” Jialun began, with an exaggerated sense of stoic gravitas, “are the ones we don’t know we’re telling.” He snorted, unable to keep up the act. “Anyway, you lie all the time, you just find loopholes so you don’t have to call them lies.” Jialun paused, considering. “Maybe that theory about Zeus kids wasn’t so far off after all,” he muttered.

"Also,” Jialun said, with a growing smirk, leaning in to press his words against Ethan’s lips, “What was that about that crush you were telling me about? Real convincing, I have to say. I was impressed.” And jealous.

[outcastsuggestion]

nobody has the patience to deal with me and i really can’t blame them

[pridefulsuggestion]

let molten gold seal in the cracks in your bones; immortalize them.

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

“touché,” ethan shrugged, tossing that argument aside. then, he registered the edge to jialun’s voice. “hey,” he murmured, turning back to study jialun carefully. “we good?”

ethan hummed contentedly as he felt fingers threading themselves through his hair, and he leaned into the touch easily, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. “can you keep doing that?” he asked quietly, a little sheepish.

ethan’s eyes snapped open at jialun’s remark, meeting his gaze, amused. a laugh left his lips, and the exasperated look he was giving jialun was definitely a familiar one, given that it was the same look ethan would give jialun every time he told him a ridiculous lie with a perfect straight face. “are we gonna go all the way back to the time you told me you were the only camper in your cabin because you murdered everyone else in there?” ethan grinned at jialun, arrogant. he had him. “or the time you told me you hated me and you would tie dead knots in the threads of my luck if i ever entered your cabin again, and then proceeded to pounce on me the next day outside my own cabin, demanding to know why i was ‘ignoring’ you? actually, didn’t you just tell me you hated me and i wasn’t pretty enough for your standards five minutes before making out with me? no, hold on, can’t be worse than the time you tried to spread a rumour that one of my siblings was half cyclops—“ ethan raised his eyebrows, a clear ‘need i go on?’ look on his face.

Jialun hummed wordlessly in agreement to both of Ethan’s questions, letting out an amused breath at the way Ethan leaned into his touch, contented. Endearing. Like a small animal. 

Ethan’s eyes fluttered open, looking up at Jialun with a familiar, arrogant expression. A wounded animal, maybe, he appended quickly. His laugh was somewhere between fond and exasperated, and Jialun gave him a half-smile in reply as he started to rattle off his list — no doubt a list he’d been compiling for quite some time, Jialun thought. 

“The first point is true, in my heart,” Jialun muttered. I miss my peace and quiet. If only. He raised an eyebrow at Ethan’s second point, giving Ethan a blank stare. I tell you I hate you all the time. “If you say something enough, you start to believe it,” he said, deadpan. Jialun snorted at the last point, rolling his eyes. “I mean, have you seen them? I could believe it.” He gave Ethan a long-suffering sigh, rolling onto his back and staring up at the clear sky.

“Fine,” he started, sticking a hand up towards the sun with a finger raised. “First off, to be fair, I just said I had high standards — I never said you didn’t meet them.” He glanced over to the side. “Though,” he relented, “It might have been implied.”

“Second,” Jialun said, letting his hand drop to point an accusing finger at Ethan. “Don’t look at me like you never tell a lie, either. Zeus kids are supposed to be upstanding leaders, you know. At least for me, it’s just in my nature.” 

[dailyladylyrics]

Tell me what did you see in her ‘Cause I’ve been living in sweet despair

Sweet Despair, Cher Lloyd

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

ethan shot jialun a disapproving look, hearing the unsureness in his voice. “have a little faith in us,” he said, a private and sweet smile playing on his lips. ethan was never your most optimistic person, but if there was one thing he was sure about, it was that some rare form of love — platonic, romantic, or somewhere in between — existed between them if they only just believed.

which was a little rich coming from him, but still.

“good,” ethan muttered, distracted by leaning in and stealing another kiss from jialun, this time a little more rough; heated, almost. his fingers gripped onto jialun’s hand, his waist, tightly — one part of him just clutching on to him for dear life and another wanting to hold him close, prevent him from leaving, from hiding anymore.

a quiet sigh left ethan’s lips, a desperate question lying at the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t know if he wanted to say it out loud. do you want to be my boyfriend? do you want me to be yours? but then again, jialun’s response was, in it’s own way, more than enough. maybe that was all that could be answered right now, and ethan didn’t really have an issue with that. a quiet chuckle left his lips, and he found himself returning to the old banter easily. “so, was that a little too much honesty for you? your allergies acting up yet?”

“Some talk, coming from you,” Jialun muttered, still a little hurt by Ethan’s lack of trust in him. 

Not all of us are romantics, Jialun thought, repressing a roll of his eyes. He was drawn away from his internal dramatics by Ethan leaning in again, his grip suddenly harsh on Jialun’s waist — Jialun made a low noise, a soft shiver running through him again at the heat in Ethan’s eyes, the sudden possessiveness making his eyes go dark, as they fluttered shut.

Drawing back, he shot an unimpressed look at Ethan, though he was inwardly relieved at the return to their usual back-and-forth. “I can be honest when I want to be,” he said, petulant. He glanced up at Ethan’s face, considering. He’s holding something back. He let it drop, a hand coming up to sift through Ethan’s hair.

“After all, when have I ever lied to you?” Jialun asked, saccharine mock-innocence dripping from his voice as he looked up through his eyelashes to meet Ethan’s eyes.

[ztaohs]

king of beauty [x] 

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

ethan raised an eyebrow teasingly, significantly less anxious now that jialun had confirmed that . “you know that we’ve been doing this whole thing for a while, right? and nothing has changed. i mean,” ethan shrugged, “we haven’t exactly been very platonic about things for the last… month? more? listen—” ethan turned, staring directly into jialun’s eyes before continuing. “if you don’t overthink this,” hah, you’re one to talk. “and we just keep being us, then even if the way we function changes, it’s still us. you know?”

he gave jialun an understanding look, bringing their interlocked hands up and placing a kiss on jialun’s knuckles. “i know.” two fingers went under jialun’s chin, to turn his head back to ethan. “but i want you.” the possessiveness in his voice, almost, surprised him a little, together with the small growl in his voice and his intense gaze, but maybe that would finally convince jialun that he’d been here for the last heaven-knows-how-many years, and he wasn’t leaving anytime soon, if he had any say about it.

“look, why don’t we start with what i am to you now? what do you want us to be?” the intenseness had passed as quickly as it came, and ethan looked at jialun inquisitively. “where do you want this to go?”

“I guess,” Jialun murmured, unconvinced. Between the two of us, though, there’s plenty of overthinking to go around. 

He sucked in a slow breath at the press of lips on the back of his hand, the firm pressure under his chin. Jialun hated it, to some degree, how much power Ethan had over him — he was scared of what he’d do, if Ethan only asked. The sudden possessiveness laced through Ethan’s voice sent a chill through him, and he swallowed, eyes flickering darkly up to meet Ethan’s charged gaze. “You have me,” he said, honest. If you’ll take me.

“I...” He trailed off, looking away. There’s only so much honesty you can expect from me, really. “You’re the person that’s most important to me,” he admitted, finally. From him, it was as close to a true confession as he’d get. “And that’s all I know.” Turmoil simmered in his gut. Ethan was — Ethan, and Jialun knew that, but he was still—

What? A guy? Is that why you’re bothered? It was obvious that he liked Ethan, more than anyone else, and it was pointless to deny that. But the thought sat uneasy in him, regardless. Dating? Boyfriends? The concept seemed foreign, almost unnatural. Others in camp were so open about their relationships, but Jialun had never been one to be open about anything. 

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

at the look jialun gave him, ethan looked away, feeling a strange mixture of guilt and insecurity. “i mean — yeah, but it’s always kind of a half joke…? not because you’re not my best friend or anything,” ethan rushed to explain, “but more like… you push everyone away. aren’t best friends the people who you let in, without reservation?”

ethan’s thoughts began to run the second their lips connected again. he probably shouldn’t have been overthinking this, and yet, it was an innate response from him — to wonder what was going on in jialun’s mind as he sighed ( was that relief or worry? ). a quick nip snapped ethan out of those thoughts, mostly, and ethan made a small sound in the back of his throat, pressing a little harder into jialun’s mouth before he pulled away.

“you don’t want anything to change as in…” ethan smile faded and he frowned, averting his gaze to where jialun was tapping his hand absentmindedly, using the rhythm to collect his thoughts. “you want us to stay the way we are? or… you want to pretend this never happened tomorrow? because…” ethan wondered if this was what it felt like, to have your dreams and nightmares all come true at the same time. you’re just overreacting, ethan. clearly he didn’t mean it like that.

A joke? He kept his face carefully neutral, repressing a flinch. I don’t let anyone in, not the way you want me to, he thought, words already forming on his tongue before he bit them back. A strange bitterness welled up in the back of his throat: angry at Ethan’s doubt but angrier at himself. Why don’t you just do this with someone better? Make it easier. He stayed quiet, unsure of how to answer, not trusting his voice to not give his hurt away. 

“No,” Jialun replied, with a frown. “If I wanted to pretend this never happened, why would I—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want things to change between us, how we...” Jialun raised a hand to gesture vaguely between him and Ethan, searching for words. “Function,” he finished, lamely.

He didn’t know what Ethan wanted, from him, from this; he’d moved without thinking, and the quiet anxieties of dealing with the repercussions started to creep back into the back of his mind. He’d wanted to confirm his suspicions, to calm the voices of doubt and fear in his head once and for all — but it seemed that they’d only gotten louder, now that the initial rush of exhilaration had faded. 

“I just don’t know how to do these things. Friendships, relationships,” Jialun muttered, looking away. “As you’ve clearly noticed.”

[xjialun-blog]

( headcanon !! ) // jialun’s english isn’t perfect — growing up with a father who spoke little to no english and going in and out of the school system didn’t help. he has a slight accent that he’s never been able to fully chase away.

[xjialun-blog]

okjean:

“That’s…ominous,” Jean swallowed a giggle, not wanting to offend the boy. It did, seem extremely creepy, however, and she wanted a better gauge of what he wanted. “Price? What do you want, then,” she questioned, “A blood sacrifice? My first born child? Actually- the child thing may not be a great idea, at the rate my love life is going, so, you might be stuck with the blood sacrifice.”

Jialun rolled his eyes, leaning against the side of his doorframe. That’s just how I talk, he thought, slightly wounded. “That depends,” he replied, fingers drumming a dull rhythm against the wall, “On what you wanted me to do for you.” 

He glanced to the side, shrugging. “I’m a simple guy. Favor for a favor is what I usually ask for — unless you have any gossip to share.”

[xjialun-blog]

zevaxhall:

“are you sure you don’t need ambrosia or something?” zeva asked, worried.

“I have some, back in my room,” Jialun said, shaking his head. Stop fussing. His voice betrayed a hint of impatience when he spoke. “Notch the arrow.”

[xjialun-blog]

ethcnisms:

“you’re welcome,” ethan mumbled, trying (and utterly failing) to sound deadpan. still, he couldn’t suppress the dopey grin on his face and the utterly fond gaze he was giving jialun. i can’t believe you actually like me.

ethan looked to where jialun had held on to his wrist — a rarity, because he never instigated their touches unless they were fighting — praying to the gods that this was the moment some things would change. jialun would finally let him see each and every of the sides of him, and ethan would stay no matter what. he turned his body to face jialun, daring to reach out for jialun’s hand and interlock their fingers.

“i’ve daydreamed about a moment like this for… ages,” he confessed. “but i thought you barely liked me as a friend, much less… in that way.”

at jialun’s request, ethan beamed brighter than the sun, pulled the other boy impossibly closer and tilted his head so their lips were brushing each other’s, lightly teasing. “yes,” he whispered against jialun’s lips, a secret, a promise, and then ethan’s lips were back on jialun’s, kissing him gently. tangling their legs together, till space and distance didn’t exist anymore in their little bubble.

Jialun gave Ethan a disapproving look. “What is that supposed to mean? Aren’t you the one that always says we’re best friends?” He scoffed, meeting Ethan’s eyes. I care about you — is that not obvious?

Jialun rolled his eyes at Ethan’s bright grin and eager response. So sentimental, Jialun thought. Wonder if it’ll last. He sighed into Ethan’s kiss, putting the thought out of his mind as he pushed forward with a nip, unaccustomed to the gentleness of it. For a second, as their legs tangled on the grass, Jialun felt his thoughts grind to a halt, floating in a single, impossible moment — and it scared him, a little bit. 

He drew back, eyes lazily following Ethan’s as he looked down at their interlaced fingers. Contentment was a slow burn in his chest, spurred on by Ethan’s easy, hopeful smile. Still, he tapped his thumb against the back of Ethan’s hand, thoughts and anxieties already brewing in his head. 

“I don’t want anything to change,” he said, finally. I’m always the one ruining the moment, though. At least that hasn’t changed. “I don’t know.”