I Lose People ... I Lose Myself

Muses Include: Alicia Clark - The Kingdom Dante - Hilltop Laura - Hilltop Paul 'Jesus' Rovia - Hilltop

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thcdixon·:

there was a lot going on and as much as he figured they both might want to be – they couldn’t be in two places at once. he hoped this wouldn’t be permanent though and that things would eventually settle again. his eyes drifted to him, lifting his shoulders gently. “don’t be man. it’s alright. we’re alright. get over here. come on.” holding his hand out to jesus as he gestured with his head for him to come over to him. hearing him he sighed, completely understanding how he felt. “people look up to you though. i see it.” daryl tilted his head a little. “don’t do it if ya’ don’t wanna’. already made that mistake once.” not now but when he’d taken the job at sanctuary, wanting to help out how he could. “’cos ditchin’ sounds like somethin’ she’d do too?” he shook his head, knowing he was being bitter and he shouldn’t be but he was worried… worried for her and the baby. “yeah. me too.” daryl did miss them, wished he’d gotten back sooner so he’d had a chance to go after them. “need to talk to you ‘bout somethin’…”

Jesus was hoping for the time when things started to calm down and they could go back to what their lives were, so they could come home at the end of the day to each other. He let out a sigh and reached for Daryl’s hand, holding it tightly. He wrapped an arm around the man’s neck, hugging him tightly. “I really did miss you a lot, you know?” He nodded his head. “I know they do, some told me that already, but I don’t want them to see me as a leader. I don’t mind helping out but no leader decisions for me.” Jesus titled his head to the side and shrugged. “Can you blame her though? She lost Glenn and now, the first time she opened up to someone else again, to the possibility of love, Dante gets taken away from her in a horrible way. And she watched it all happen. We know he’s alive but she doesn’t, in her mind he’s dead. And I guess she just couldn’t go through all that pain and loss again.” Jesus looked at Daryl, before nodding. “What is it?”

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trustheking·:

She listened, because she trusted him still. But based on what she was hearing, she was worried she could be seeing things, too. Losing her mind, when she felt so well put-together. It was terrifying. She wanted to feel safe, as she had never felt so afraid in her life. She couldn’t put the pieces together of what happened, of what landed her here. She rests on the couch where he sets her soon after they find the cabin, or he finds the cabin, and her mind is still running in circles. She looks at him. “Stop.” Then looks away. “Did you hear that out there? The whispers?” She puts her hand out, for him to come take. Wanting him to be close to her.

Dante wanted to ask her, about Hershel and why did she leave the Hilltop like that, but he decided that he could do all of that later. Part of him knew it was because she didn’t want to deal with the possibility of his death, not wanting to go through the whole thing again. And he couldn’t blame her for that. Dante sat down on the couch next to her, letting out a relived sigh, finally being able to rest his leg. “I did and I have no idea what that was ... I thought it could be the fever driving me crazy but seems like you heard it too.” 

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thcdixon·:

daryl had already known the answer to his question so why it filled him with so much relief he didn’t know but it did. perhaps it was more that he just needed to hear it from him rather than not believing he still felt it. “good.” nodding slightly. the fact he expected the statement so easily showed that he’d already accepted it and that deep down he had known. “ain’t after an apology. know it’s not your fault.” he wasn’t blaming him for them being apart but it made sense why he might think that after daryl had checked on his feelings. “ya’ blame ‘em?” aaron was great and daryl had no issues with him being in charge but people knew jesus, hell probably got used to him being beside maggie so they got used to him. maggie could take care of herself but running off with the baby? without so much as an this is where i’m heading… well, it didn’t sit well with him but he had a feeling it might not sit well with paul either. “dunno. maybe.” a slight shrug when he asked if she knew any other communities. “if she did then she kept it to herself.” he hadn’t known and the fact paul was asking showed he didn’t know either. “somethin’ happened to her out here then we woulda’ found somethin’ by now.” a body… a sign, just something or at least that was what he was telling himself. he’d lost enough without adding maggie and hershel to that list. “think she’s comin’ back?”

Jesus had been busy with helping out around the Hilltop and Daryl had been busy with the Sanctuary and what happened over there. Of course that meant they wouldn’t spend as much time together and Jesus hated it. He never meant for Daryl to question his feelings for him, they hadn’t changed on the slightest, but a lot has been happening lately. “Still, I’m sorry either way.” He let out a sigh. “I just, I’m not leader material, I don’t want to be a leader, never wanted that. Aaron’s great, he’s doing a good job.” Jesus nodded his head. “She didn’t tell me anything about it either, if she knew about any place. But I don’t think Maggie would pick up Hershel and go out there like that, without a plan. It doesn’t sound like something she would do.” He looked down and sighed. “I sure hope so ... I miss her and little Hershel. This place isn’t the same without them.” 

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trustheking·:

Dante was dead. That’s what she kept telling herself, because that was the probability. That’s why she had to leave in the first place, she couldn’t take any more death. The losses had gotten overwhelming a long time ago. But she didn’t consider her run to be a suicide mission, she loved Hershel too much to leave him. Almost felt like she was all he had left.

In the time that she was unconscious, she was lucky. Lucky that she hadn’t been devoured by walkers, but none seemed to pass the exact area she was in. When she woke up in Dante’s arms, she thought her eyes were deceiving her. “Put me down, put me down–” Assuming it was Daryl, or Jesus, Eduardo or Kal, or even one of Georgie’s men. She shakes her head, blinking hard. “You’re hurt,” She could tell by the way he was breathing, and once he listens to her command, she really looks up at him, really sees him. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

Dante knew they had to keep moving, they had to find a safe place to settle down for a bit, so they could both rest. The pain coming from his leg was the worst, the wound hadn’t healed completely yet and if he kept going for too long, he would most likely open it up again. He didn’t care though, Maggie’s safety was everything that mattered to him at this point. “Calm down, let me find a safe place for us.” He walked for a few more minutes until he found a cabin in the woods. It seemed safe enough, at least there were no walkers around. Dante walked into the cabin with Maggie, closing the door behind them before finally settling her down on an old couch. Dante ignored her comment about him being hurt, as he sat down on the ground, letting out a sigh. “Well you thought wrong.” He looked up to her with a smirk. “Takes a lot more than a bridge collapse to take me away from you.” Of course Dante would be one to make jokes now, even though it wasn’t completely a lie.

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survivesomehcw·:

frankie knew people were stressed lately and she wasn’t surprised. in truth, she had always kind’ve thought that things wouldn’t end well if those that were loyal to negan were allowed to stay. she hoped that this would be enough to change things, that the leaders wouldn’t allow anything like this to happen again, but the truth was, frankie wasn’t done being afraid yet. “that’s just what i hoped you’d say,” she said with a grin. “well, i mean, i could’ve… but there was never anyone i liked that much.” she admitted.

Even though Laura’s mind was at the Sanctuary, thinking about what happened and how they could’ve avoided it sooner, she still tried to make an effort and focus on Frankie. She didn’t want to talk about what happened, she wanted to be with her girlfriend one hundred percent because the girl deserved that much. Laura stepped closer, smiling at Frankie. She brought one hand up and caressed her cheek. “Well, you know I want to do everything with you, even if it’s something as simple as a New Year’s kiss that we don’t even know if it’s accurate.” She shrugged. “I just want you to be happy and if this is something that will make you happy then I’m more than happy to kiss you.” She smirked. “Does that mean you like me that much?”

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survivesomehcw·:

god, was dom relieved to see her big brother. over the past years of the apocalypse, she had just about entirely convinced herself that everyone was gone. it was one of the reasons she’d been so wary about joining a group. she still didn’t know what it had been about jesus that had made her trust him, but she was glad, now more than ever, that she had. she desperately wanted to see him again. they had been close before and in her mind, no apocalypse would stop that from being true. “i’ve been alone all this time.” she said with a nod, “jesus found me and convinced me to come. i had no idea you were here or i’d… i’d have tried sooner,” she whispered. she moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning in to hug her brother, a grin on her face. “Te extrañé mucho.”

Dante had never thought he would get to see his sister again. Or anyone from his family, for that matter. He had come to accept the fact that they were all gone by now. But here she was, alive and well. Dante made a mental note to thank Jesus for bringing her here. He frowned, shaking his head. “Que le paso a mamá ¿y papá?” Dante asked, hoping that his sister could give him an answer, so he could at least have some closure about his family. “Well I’m glad he did because now you’re here and we’re together. That’s all that matters, we’re not leaving each other’s sides ever again.” Dante let out a sigh and wrapped his good arm around his sister, not really caring about any pains at this moment. “Yo tambien te extrañe.”

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survivesomehcw·:

enid had loved christmas before the apocalypse. her parents had been very into it, they’d spent days decorating their house and always made cookies. enid had gone carolling many years. it was hard for her to imagine herself like that now, since she’d gone from that, to being very hard and closed off and silent. now, she had found something of a middle ground. she was a survivor yes, but there were people she loved and giving them presents seemed like something of a no-brainer to her. “i must be psychic,” she said, joking warmly, “oh yeah. everyone wants to come across a stylish ninja.”

Jesus was never into Christmas. He was an orphan who grew up on a shared housing, gifts weren’t something usual for them, even on Christmas. There was the dinner and sometimes, when there was enough money, they would get a gift but it was very rare. Jesus wished he could’ve thought about it, about getting Enid something because now he felt bad that she had given him something and he didn’t have anything to give her. “I don’t have anything for you though, now I feel horrible.” He said with a frown. “Of course, I mean, I’m sure they’ll be a lot more willing to come with me if I’m stylish.” 

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survivesomehcw·:

frankie knew things had been a mess lately, she knew that there was a lot going on. and honestly, she wanted to care, but she found it hard to care about most of the sanctuary, with, in truth, the exception of dwight. she knew that was probably laura’s main concern and she didn’t blame her at all for being concerned for her friend. still, she was glad to have a little time for them. “awesome,” she said brightly. “i don’t know why i’ve never done it. just never did before.”

Laura couldn’t care less about the people who started the riot, if it was up to her, they would all just be killed and be done with it. That way, they knew that no more riots would be happening and they wouldn’t be wasting supplies on people that don’t deserve it. She worried about Dwight and the workers who still lived there, who had nothing to do with what happened. Laura reached for her hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Well, guess I’ll be your first New Year’s kiss then, it’s gonna be an honor.” Laura offered her a smile, leaning forward to place a kiss on her cheek. “Never had anyone you would want to do it with?” She asked curiously.

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survivesomehcw·:

dom didn’t entirely know what to do with herself. she wanted to hug him, but with him being hurt and laying down, she wasn’t entirely sure how to do that, so she just stood a little away, dark eyes fixed on him. as soon as he spoke, she found that there were tears in her eyes. it had been so long since she saw her brother and god, did she miss him in that time. “it’s– it’s really me.” she whispered, tears in her eyes. “jesus brought me in and i heard… i heard… what happened.” she whispered. “are you… okay?”

Dante just hated this even more, not being able to get up and properly greet his sister. He wanted nothing more than to hug her tightly, lift her from the ground like he used to do when they were younger. God, he had missed her so much and now, she was here standing in front of him, alive. Dante had lost hope of ever seeing any of his family members once again, but here she was. “Jesus found you? You’ve been alone all this time?” He nodded his head. “I’ll be fine ... ahora ven aquí, dale un abrazo a tu hermano.” He smiled, opening his arms to her.

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survivesomehcw·:

enid knew that it had been daryl who’d offered this and not jesus, but she hoped jesus would be okay with it too. she’d known him well since they’d joined hilltop and she thought it was probably just paranoia brought about by fear of being left behind. “well, it’s not much and i definitely didn’t pay for it,” she joked, handing him a bad with a new scarf and beanie in it. since she knew he wore such attire when approaching new people, it was more of a joke than anything, but she felt nervous nonetheless.

Jesus wasn’t sure how accurate they were when it came to timelines, he didn’t know if Christmas time was coming or if they had already passed it, but it didn’t really matter now a days. Jesus had seen some people slightly celebrate it, put up a few decorations that were home made and he thought it was nice. He also couldn’t remember the last time anyone had given him a gift, apart from when Daryl brought the dog and they adopted it. “Well then, thank you, I really appreciate this.” Jesus grabbed the bag and opened it, smiling when he saw what it was. “How did you know I was in need of a new one? Now I’ll get to be even more stylish whenever I find someone new. Maybe it will help convince them to come here.” He let out a chuckle.

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survivesomehcw·:

frankie didn’t know why she was shy. frankie was almost never shy. but right now, it was hard not to feel that way as she looked up at her girlfriend. it was blatantly clear to anyone how much they liked each other, but frankie liked her a lot and was always nervous about scaring her off. “so…” she began, “i’ve never had a new year’s kiss.” it was silly. it was a silly tradition back before the world ended, but now, they couldn’t know exactly what time it was or have an exact countdown. nonetheless, frankie wanted to pretend.

( @xl0stxs0ulsx )

Laura’s mind had been on what happened at the Sanctuary lately so she hadn’t been paying enough attention to Frankie. And she felt bad about it, her girlfriend deserved better than that and that was why Laura promised she would spend the day with her, just the two of them. She wanted to show her how much she liked her, how much she meant to her. Raising an eyebrow, Laura turned her head to look at Frankie with a smile on her face. “Really? Well, we can change that.” He paused. “We can have our own countdown, our own new year’s kiss.” Who really cared if it was accurate or not.

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survivesomehcw·:

dom had heard that her brother was here. it had taken her a little while to find out, but she had figured as soon as she had heard that there couldn’t be that many dante’s left running around. dark eyes were nervous and darting around as she entered the room she had heard he was in since the bridge fell. she knew he was hurt, so she tried to prepare herself for that. finally seeing him again, but him being hurt. she didn’t even know if he’d want to see her, but she tried to tell herself she was just being silly thinking that. that of course her big brother would want to see her again. as she pushed the curtain away, she looked a bit like a deer in headlights. “dante…”

( @xl0stxs0ulsx )

Dante had woken up a few minutes ago, reaching for his water as he did so. He took a sip, his mind drifting to Maggie and Hershel. They were out there, somewhere and he hated that he was stuck in this bed, not being able to move. Dante wanted nothing more than get up and go find them, bring them back home. He could only pray and hope that they were fine, that they were safe wherever they were. He hadn’t been expecting any visitors so when the curtains got pushed and he looked to see who it was, his eyes widened. “Dom?” Maybe it was a trick of his mind, maybe the meds were making him have hallucinations. Was this real? His sister was really standing here? “Is it really you?” He asked, trying his best to sit up, wincing slightly at the pain.

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thcdixon·:

daryl got why she left and he couldn’t say shit because if that had been jesus he would have most likely done the same damn thing. it still didn’t mean it wasn’t a hard pill to swallow – being the ones who were left behind and how she left? it didn’t feel right. it didn’t feel like her. “d’pends.” his face serious. “still want me?” he found himself shrugging back at jesus’s words. daryl wanted to check because they had been spending less time with each other and he knew that wasn’t jesus’s fault. it wasn’t his either. it’s just how things had been but he still wanted to check. “what the hell was she thinkin’? takin’ him off by herself like that.” his expression outlined the stress he felt about the situation. how were they supposed to just let it go? let her and hershel go when they had no idea if they were okay or not? “they better be.”

Jesus titled his head to the side and frowned. He knew they hadn’t spend as much time together lately, but he sure hoped that Daryl didn’t think his feelings towards him changed. He still loved the man very much and that wouldn’t change, a lot has been happening though and they have been both busy and tired. “Of course I want you, that’s never gonna change.” He hoped Daryl would get that through his head once and for all, that he was the only one Jesus wanted. “I’m sorry that we haven’t been together that often lately, I’ve been trying to help Aaron and the people, most of them come to me for help.” He let out a sigh, shaking his head. “I know, it was careless but Maggie can take care of herself. I wonder where she went, I mean she wouldn’t just leave to wander around with a baby in her arms ... she has to be somewhere safe. Do you think she knows of any other communities?” 

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survivesomehcw·:

ever since everything had happened, the bridge, finding dante, maggie leaving, enid had felt very lost. she had been lucky and grateful when daryl offered for her to stay with them. enid loved both daryl and jesus more than she could say and knowing that she had them both had kept her from feeling as alone as she might have. potentially kept her from leaving herself, though she thought carl’s memory would have kept her from doing that anyway. enid offered a little smile when she saw jesus enter. “don’t judge me,” she said quietly, “but it’s… it’s right around when christmas used to be, so i got something for you.” she said quietly. she probably would’ve done this anyway, but it was even easier when she was twice as grateful to them for taking her in.

( @xl0stxs0ulsx )

With Maggie gone, Jesus has been helping out around the community a lot more. He was no leader, he had no intention of becoming one, but most of the people still came to him whenever they had a problem. He tried to help Aaron as much as he could though. Jesus entered the trailer, closing the door behind him. He thought the place was starting to feel too small for the amount of people leaving here, maybe it was about time that they went to the mansion or get a bigger trailer. He would have to discuss that with Daryl later. “You didn’t have to get me anything, but thank you. Not judging you, I think it’s sweet.” He offered her a smile.

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trustheking·:

Just because she was helping build something, didn’t mean she wanted to be the leader of it all. Georgie had offered her the role many times, but Maggie knew that role was better for Georgie herself. The other woman was watching Hershel while Maggie went on a run. She offered, needing to clear her head after everything that had happened recently. A herd was moving in their direction, and she wanted to try to redirect it to some degree. She carried a backpack on her back, venturing some miles from their location. Their location, which only Sherry and Dante were aware of. Just Sherry.

She didn’t know where this run went wrong. She didn’t know when she lost consciousness, or how. A hole had been ripped in her jeans over her knee, and she couldn’t move that leg without great pain. Dirt all over her jeans. Her heart pounding against her chest to the point where she could barely breathe. She couldn’t hear herself think, there were too many other sounds. Noises she couldn’t identify yet. She knows her leg is broken, but tries to stand anyways, leaning against the dirt. She can hear walkers groaning, that’s the first thing she identifies besides her own breathing. She covers her mouth, while trying to walk. The sun is going down.

Whispers. They come from the dead. Or, so it seems.

Glenn’s voice. ‘I found you.’ She falls unconscious again.

Should he be out here when he still wasn’t full recovered? Probably not. Did he care at all? Definitely not. As soon as Dante was able to walk again, he was driving away from the Hilltop and try to find Maggie. He didn’t know where to look at first but there was nothing else going through his mind, just the need to find her, to know that she was safe along with Hershel. Dante could only imagine the pain and suffering that she was going through because she thought he was gone, she believed he had died on that bridge. When he was brought back to the Hilltop and found out she was gone, he wasn’t too surprise, Maggie had lost so much already, losing him had been the last drop. 

Dante wanted to check the new place she was trying to build first. He knew the location, one of the very few people who knew and if Maggie ran, she would’ve gone to a safe place, mostly because she was taking Hershel with her. Although, Dante’s attention was directed somewhere else, the herd of walkers that seemed to be whispering among them. It was weird, he had never seen anything like that before. He was pulled away from his thoughts when he saw someone alive, trying to walk but eventually falling unconscious. The sun was going down, he couldn’t see properly who it was from so far away but still, he grabbed his machete and ran towards the person, slicing a few walker heads along the way. When he reached her, his eyes widened. “Maggie? Maggie wake up.” He cursed under his breath when he got no answer. Looking around, Dante ignored the pain going through his still injured leg and picked her up the best he could, running away from the walkers and trying to reach a safe place.

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thcdixon·:

daryl wanted to deny the fact that jesus scared him at all but the fact he physically jumped took that away from him so he stayed silent. despite the fact that they lived together, daryl felt like he never really saw jesus any more. it wasn’t out of choice but since everything went down shit creek his ass didn’t get much chance to stay put for long. “you wanna’ come?” he wasn’t even sure why there was a slight sound of surprise in his tone because that shouldn’t have come as a surprise as he nodded. “sure.” daryl got that he needed time away and besides the only person daryl didn’t want to escape from was now stood in front of him. although he had no idea how he was going to explain to jesus that he was just chasing his own tail out here. that he wasn’t really doing anything but being out here. “ain’t got nothin’ though.” swinging his crossbow back over his shoulder as his eyes swept down to dog. 

It was still hard for Jesus, to accept the fact that Maggie was gone and they had no way of knowing where she was or if she was fine. She and Hershel were their family and Jesus wanted nothing more than to find her. It isn’t even about coming back, he understands if she doesn’t want to come back, it’s more about knowing that they're both safe. “Yeah I do, if you’ll have me.” He said with a shrug. Jesus watched as dog came running back to them, before looking down at the ground. “Didn’t expect you to. Her trail is probably cold now and I think she just didn’t want to be found, period. I hope she’s safe though, her and Hershel, wherever they are.” 

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thcdixon·:

daryl was out hunting… tracking, he didn’t even know any more. he just knew the tracks or just any sign of maggie were long gone… cold and whatever he was following out here wasn’t her. no one had really asked where he went but that was probably because he was never gone long and one of his excuses was that he was training dog. whom they never got chance to damn name. he’d stopped, leaning his back against one of the tree’s as he took a break. the sudden movement startled him as he snatched at his crossbow which was now aimed and ready. “shit, man.” body instantly relaxing as he lowered the weapon when he saw jesus stood there. he frigging hated when he did that… guy literally was a damn ninja. how long had he even been following? he sure as hell hoped he hadn’t heard anything that daryl was saying to the damn dog… whom sure he spoke with from time to time. “”next time… you get an arrow in your ass.” his words a mumble. “what you doin’ out here?” 

@xl0stxs0ulsx

With Maggie gone, Jesus had been trying his best to help keep things going back at the Hilltop. He was no leader, he didn’t want to be a leader but most of the people would come to him whenever they needed something. Jesus understood why Maggie left, maybe he would’ve done the exact same thing if he was in her place and Daryl went missing, most likely dead, but he sure hoped she and Hershel were fine. Jesus saw Daryl leaving the community once again, dog following him out. They never got the chance to name him so they just kept calling him dog, it stuck. Jesus decided to follow, not only did he need the time away from here, he also wanted to be with Daryl, it had been a while since they got to get away from everyone, be alone, just the two of them. Jesus smiled as he stopped out from behind a tree, approaching Daryl. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He sighed. “Saw you leaving ... thought it would be nice, to be out here for a while, away from everything and everyone.”