I wanted to make this post to explain how far I've come with my body. This is a body that I was not kind to. When I was initially going through a really hard situation, I couldn't eat. It wasn't that I would eat a small meal once every day - I wouldn't eat at all. By the third day of wallowing and starvation, I realized that I needed to force myself to drink lots of water, and meal supplements. I went two weeks with only drinking meal supplements and water, and I could physically feel myself disappearing. I had dropped three pant sizes and two shirt sizes. I would get avo toast for breakfast, and make myself scrape the avocado off because I knew it was high in fats. I would have to squish it up as small as it would physically go and force it down. I felt sick when I thought about food, and eventually I started to get hunger pains and my energy levels dropped. I didn't want to lose weight, I didn't care what I looked like, and this was something that I felt was completely out of my control. Eventually the days became a little bit easier, and I realized that this was the only body that I had and will ever have and that I needed to treat it properly. My vegetarian lifestyle became balanced and full. I ate three meals a day, with heavy, healthy snacking in between. To distract my mind - I ran. I would wake up at 5am somedays, just so I could run. I began walking home from work, walking to new farm, walking to the City from the Valley - walking anywhere that I could so that I wasn't sitting in an apartment alone. I began doing yoga to help my mind and body heal, and yoga turned into stretching, squatting, lunging - anything I could possibly do to distract my head. A month and a half later I love this body. Not because of how it looks, but because this body is going to carry me to and around different countries to journey and find myself. This body is going to hug and kiss the people that I love, this body is going to hike mountains, endure pain, and grow and change. This body endured a lot of stress when I had given up on everything, and I am really thankful to feel so much love for it now and to want to be mindful of what I put into it and how I treat it. I am two pant sizes smaller than when I came to Australia, and one pant size bigger than I was a month ago when I thought I had given up. I want to be a reminder to people of all body shapes, that it isn't about how your body looks aesthetically, it's about how you treat it and what it needs from you to thrive and be healthy. I wasn't nice to this body in other ways that don't involve dietary choices. I was mean to my body when I didn't know how to handle my overwhelming desire to disappear, and I am so thankful that it has been so forgiving. I want to be a reminder to others that you are not a reflection of someone else's negative actions. •
germansingergirl
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
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