if i die, i'm a legend

the giant metal carcass groans around you. there is a screaming in the distance and it must belong to your enemy--terrified somewhere beyond your line of sight. sounds fade in around you but it is you screaming. it is you. alone. face down in the darkness. kim hyoyeon. 25. bh pilot. dimension manip.

[xm-channie]

grace is just weakness

[xm-channie]

(/hurt in a way that he didn’t know he could be, chanyeol brushes it off quickly, laughing softly and nodding. it’s lucky that hyoyeon didn’t take her, because within seconds, mei is spitting up all over his hand. he frowns, and scrunches his nose, but doesn’t move to clean it up because he knows she isn’t finished. he leans her forward a little, patting her back gently with his clean hand) you can’t keep anything down for long, can you? 

huh? (/he glances at hyoyeon, and realizes she’s trying Very Hard to be an adult. he’s touched) oh, he went to the store or something (/wrinkles his face as mei finally rids herself of at least a fourth of the formula chanyeol had gotten her to drink before hyoyeons arrival) he wanted you to be comfortable, (/lets mei sit back against him once more, reaching across the couch for one of the hand towels they keep around the house now) so he left a few hours ago. 

(/feels remarkably more like a person once his hands are clean) anyway, how are things with you? 

[xm-hyoyeon]

he-what? (/she frowns. they were treating her like a wild animal, leaving breadcrumbs to the door and inviting her home. given her only experience with yixing, and her past with chanyeol, she thinks maybe it’s more than warranted. it makes her furious at yixing but surprisingly not at chanyeol. maybe she’s running out of things to be angry about.)

life is whatever. (/she says and takes a swig of the beer, feeling brash now.) is she clean? can i hold her now? (/she stretches out her arms, and nerves take hold of her in an instant. she forgets that she was angry–now concerned only with the impending armful of BABY and sky blue blanket and little toes and large, gut wrenching, amber eyes focusing only on her.)

does she do anything? (/hyoyeon asks, pretty sure there’s no way yixing and chanyeol are raising a human baby. maybe mei is a power pack or a flame thrower or a little demon spawn. she looks around the house and finds nothing broken, but there’s not much in the house to begin with, and chanxing are experts at cleaning up other people’s messes.)

knowing you, she’s not a normal baby. (/she laughs)

[xm-hyoyeon]

wow WOWOWOWOW fuck chanxing PEACING RIGHT OUT -love,hyo

[xm-channie]

grace is just weakness

[xm-channie]

yea (/laughs) we only take in the cute babies in this household. (/he’s nervous, of course he is- even his own mother hasn’t seen mei yet- but he trusts hyoyeon with his life. he bounces mei on his lap lightly, letting her lean against his chest and using a hand against her stomach to keep her vertical. she giggles and shoves one of her hands in her mouth, the other squeezing tightly around hyoyeons finger) 

i think she’s around four months? it’s hard to tell. (/shrugs, kissing the top of her head and looking back at hyoyeon with a soft smile) do you wanna hold her? she can’t bite. 

[xm-hyoyeon]

uh (/she stammers. her brain turns into overdrive, slamming the pedal through horrific possibilities) um, you got her. (/she moves to sit across from him, on the coffee table, and plays with mei's little foot, a fleece sock covering up her toes. everything is so little about babies and she feels more than out of place.)

where's xing? (/she asks, looking around and and taking sips of the beer, trying her best to remain presentable and responsible enough to not ruin her chances at babysitting later on.)

(/it looks easy enough to love this little baby, but if hyoyeon has grown careless with herself, she's certainly learned to be cautious with other people.)

[xm-channie]

grace is just weakness

(/the house is spotless, mei has a new diaper and has been fed and is content as she’ll ever be. yixing disappeared, wanting to give chanyeol a chance to acclimate his friend into childcare culture. chanyeol doesn’t know how hyoyeon will be with a child- maybe she’ll be welcoming, and have a secret maternal side she’ll let loose. she’s been mothering chanyeol all these years, after all)

(/the doorbell rings and chanyeol jumps- an action that makes mei giggle uncontrollably- and tries not to speedwalk to the front door. he takes a deep breath, smiles as he lays eyes on his favorite person, and steps aside) hey! (/adjusts mei on his hip) need a beer? 

[xm-hyoyeon]

(/hyoyeon feels a mess; she may not look it under the nicest blouse and jeans she could muster, but she certainly feels it. what if the baby doesn’t like her? what if she doesn’t like the baby? what happens if she loses her temper even for a moment?

she imagines chanyeol will never let go of the baby long enough for her to hurt it, but even that thought makes her anxious. what if chanyeol won’t trust her.)

thank god (/she laughs, relieved to be pulled out of her head, as it were, when the door opens. as he ushers her inside, she takes him seriously on the offer and invites herself to the kitchen, and takes a beer. she extends a short search for lemons but, coming up empty, joins him back in the family room in a matter of minutes.)

that is the cutest baby i have ever fucking seen (/she approaches, anxieties aside, and touches mei’s hand with a brush of her finger. the little hand comes up to grab it, and hyoyeon smiles, instantly enamoured.)

[endless-unfolding]

I love you with what in me is unfinished. I love you with what in me is still Changing.

Robert Bly, “In the Month of May,” Eating the Honey of Words (HarperCollins, 1999)

xm-channie

[xm-hyoyeon]

coke in the midas touch

she cracks her knuckles absent-mindedly and takes a small breath for every ounce of pressure relieved by this action. her neck hurts as she makes light conversation with the medic and slowly loses her grip on hiding her unease of this area. tell me where it hurts, says the medic, thumbing along the scar running up her leg and the stony expression on her face belies her answer: everywhere.

after the visit, she wanders aimlessly around the base. the cement echoes her limping footsteps and they sound like her failures parroted back at her, mounting with every step forward. and she wonders what a different person she would be if she could actually hear her heart beating.

the glass doors of the science labs surge toward her, hyoyeon is walking faster down the hallway and she realizes too late that this is where she intended to go when she left the medical wing. her stomach clenches but it’s too late. a shadow forms on the other side of the frosted doors and she knows who it is just by the sinking feeling pooling in her gut. 

the doors slide open and standing behind them is yixing, looking calm to her frantic state. he is placid water, rippling softly as she dives in head first, and she wonders what it would take to make a splash. she’d like to drown here for a moment until she realizes he’s speaking.

yes, they had agreed on meeting here. it’s not that they were hiding it from chanyeol, but had agreed not to divulge of their exchanges in his presence. chanyeol wasn’t in a position to think about this, about whether or not it’s ethical, about whether or not it’s dangerous. and anyway, it’s not his choice, it’s hers, and she may regret it. but it might also work and from that thought surfaces a beat from deep within her chest.

she stands with one hand on her hip, nonchalant though her mind is racing. and she doesn’t sense any hesitation from him but pretends she does. “are we doing this or not?”

[xm-hyoyeon]

always and never

[xm-hyoyeon]

xm-channie:

when did it start? immediately chanyeol opens his mouth to say i don’t know but i don’t know is easy, so chanyeol doesn’t say it, and he doesn’t close his mouth because he forgets how to.

“maybe… maybe a month… a month ago.” he murmurs, rubbing his hands too hard against his eyes. everything is blurry and bright and chanyeol knows if he could control his hands long enough to find his glasses one of those problems will be solved. hyoyeons chest pulsates a light purple and it tugs at him, pulling him like the ocean pulls boats deep beneath waves and chanyeol does not want to be a boat. he squeezes his eyes shut, taking shaky breathes.

it takes him a few moments, but eventually he looks up again.

“you know…” it’s so hard to speak, he thinks, when you have unwanted visitors, and he tries to keep his eyes from flickering to anyone aside from hyoyeon, “you know i can see the numbers. and i used… i used to see a few desperate souls just a few but now-” he stands up, unable to keep still.

his body doesn’t feel like his body anymore, too many hands grabbing at it.

he paces, because if he walks fast enough, they can’t keep up right? his eyes burn again and when he looks at hyoyeon again, he just knows he could see everything about her. if he wanted. if she wanted him to.

“now i can see everyone noona and they all” deep breath, “they all want me i can see heaven and hell and your soul noona i can see your soul” and he’s gasping now, standing up and hyperventilating. he leans forward, hands on his knees and he tries to catch his breath and calm down but the words keep clawing out of his throat. “and last week i stuck my hand in tox’s chest and felt his soul-it’s green- and when i when i squeeze i-it was i saw everything about him hyoyeon everything from little tox to-to big tox and to his heaven and his hell” he gasps, the sound desperate and needy and he sits down on the floor, knees to his chest, forehead resting atop his knees.

he breathes deep.

“i can see everything now, hyoyeon,” and his voice is soft, a low grumble in the silence between them. her soul tugs at him, like it needs his help, and he wants to grab it, wants to say i can’t help you, but he doesn’t.

the room echoes with his agitated pacing. they are both standing on the tile floor in an observation room. it’s an empty, unsure space to her, but to chanyeol it must feel like one of his clinics on a thursday afternoon–full of people desperately asking for his help, his attention. that’s how chanyeol lives, giving himself to people who don’t deserve even a sliver. people like tox. people like hyoyeon.

“focus on me,” she snaps. she crosses the room and grabs him by the shoulders, then raises her hands to cradle his face and refocus it on her. reassuring doesn’t come easy to her, but she needs him to know that they can’t touch him, or drag him away, (even if she doesn’t know that).

“you are in control, chanyeol. whatever this is, whatever you’re seeing, you’re in control of it.”

powers have never seemed transitory until this second, and she wonders for what clandestine reason they exist, just to ebb and flow and slip through her grasp but into another’s. she’s proud of chanyeol, and feels a little sick for it. he’s suffering, but this will make him stronger in the long run. this new power makes him more capable to take on the coming war.

“just look at me, ok,” she says. she breathes calmly for him but thinks she might hyperventilate if he starts again. “we’ll get through this. we’ll-”

she cuts off, not sure what the next step is, but it’s not practice. not right this second. she can’t ask him to flex his new powers when he’s this vulnerable. can’t q and a him on her soul and what he can see--he needs her to be caring and worried, and maybe a little soft, and she could never consider being warm towards anyone else but him.

“let’s sit down. you can talk about it, just don’t leave, don’t go anywhere. i hope we don’t need to go over stranger danger procedures,” she says. hyoyeon’s only half joking, and she tries to smile but it doesn’t come out right.

she leads them over to the couch and sits them down face to face.

[ot9s]

[xm-hyoyeon]

oh man i’m gna try and do some starters or replies tonight otherwise you won’t see hyo’s face for another three weeks. also please plot w me! i’m a little grumpy but i still like people, i promise. lol

[xm-hyoyeon]

[text] how come it never feels like enough?

[txt] you’re only one person

[xm-hyoyeon]

[text] seriously noona, do you? [text] i just need to know

[txt] oh [txt] i mean yeah i do [txt] is someone fucking w you?

(/it takes her a few minutes before she feels that chanyeol’s not just asking for shits and giggles)

[txt] chanyeol you’re doing your best. [txt] for what it’s worth, i think you’ve helped a lot of people. 

[xm-hyoyeon]

[text] do you think i'm a good person?

[txt] no lol [txt] what’s this about?

[harshestnoise-currentlyhiding]

Visit Original Link

[xm-hyoyeon]

may as well just be me..

[xm-hyoyeon]

can we dance, the vamps

the scale goes from bad to worse, here. if chanyeol is temptation, addiction, all the bad things that taste too good, then yixing is an absurdity, a trained passion like quicksand, always yearning, yielding, learning. and she’s not sinking, but she can feel the pull, like an atom around him.

he tells her this like a question, like he’s asking her to dance in a crowded room, a whisper in her ear and a promise of discretion.

“i’ll help you get your powers back.”

he leans back, and his eyes are soft, sentimental. when she goes to sleep that night, her heart taps against her chest (a-one-two, a-one-two, three) but it doesn’t sound like a song yet. it sounds like a cricket’s rhythm on a hot summer night, and she feels that pull again.

[larmoyante]

How do you get so empty? he wondered. Who takes it out of you?

Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (via larmoyante)

[xm-hyoyeon]

Lorde // Ribs (Ryan Hemsworth Remix)

they huddle together under a single tent, a neon green tinted world living two miles from the base. there is a comforter underneath them and a single fleece blanket but it’s all they’ll need for the night. 

she smiles at her toes, bare and sifting through the warm grass, trying her best to warm them up without having to put her socks back on. she sits, folding her knees and bringing them up to her chest, and reaches to hold her feet with equally cold fingers. 

“it’ll be a sauna in here by tomorrow,” she says, and flips her hair over so she can get a good look at chanyeol where he’s lying as flat as he can without having his feet stick out from under the tent.

“i mean we could have gotten a canvas tent instead of a plastic one, but that’s just silly,” says chanyeol. he’s getting overly warm already so he rolls off the comforter and squishes it towards hyoyeon so he can lie on the grass instead.

she groans, “i’ll fucking bury you in a canvas tent, will you forgive me then?”

“no,” he says, just to push her buttons. 

he can hear a rustling as he closes his eyes to nap. hyoyeon takes the chance to twist around–always careful of her leg–and gather up the blankets into one solid mass. she wiggles over to him like a worm on the pavement, and whale dives into him, screeching war cries at the top of her lungs.

the tent overturns, chanyeol ends up in the crook of the roof and hyoyeon’s hair is stuck to the hinge of the rods. they are laughing, the sun shines in patches overhead and through squinting eyes she can almost pretend that this is them turning over a new leaf. 

her leg spasms from the position she’s laying in, and when they finally unstick each other from the tent, it hurts so much she’s reaching straight for a joint and a beer from the picnic basket they carried over. chanyeol doesn’t bat an eyelash. it makes her feel a little more normal.

“camping,” she says “fun for the whole family.”

and she tries to muster that feeling again, the unity, and sacrifice, that feeling like she couldn’t belong anywhere else. it doesn’t come, so she takes another long inhale and holds it until her lungs start to ache and her head feels lighter. if chanyeol knows he’s not enough reason for her to stay anymore, he doesn’t let on. 

it’s the new normal. and it’s not enough.

[xm-channie]

♫♪ song drabbles !

Send my character a song and I will write a drabble inspired by the song! Quick rules, send more than you receive, no one liners, and be creative with it~ Also, include the artist of the song as well. 

[xm-hyoyeon]

just to add a quick rule. if you’re requesting a non-english language song, please specify one line/lyric that you want the drabble to be based on! (this helps the writer of your drabble to have a good starting point.)