Infromation and warnings post
I feel the need to share some thoughts and important information in this post. If you don't want to read about my thoughts and feelings, go straight to the Information block.
Thoughts and Feelings
Warning: voluminous text with some thoughts.
I have abandoned my art blog again and it’s mentally difficult for me to come back to it, so I won’t do it.
My art block started in 2020, but I stubbornly tried to continue drawing with hope that I could force myself to overcome it. At the beginning of 2022, I drew my last picture and couldn’t bring myself to draw anything else. Before my birthday that year, I decided to announce that I was no longer publishing my work.
In my creative journey I made several mistakes. Two of them were large:
1. I started making money as a graphic designer and it led to a burnout.
2. I expected a greater response from the audience, but I didn’t get it because I really don't know how to work with an audience.
Now I have changed my approach. I no longer work and will never work in the creative field. My job position is connected with data analysis.
I want to express my endless gratitude to my sister, who brought drawing back into my life. One day she brought me her iPad and offered me to draw. Before this I had never drawn on an iPad; I had always used Wacom graphics tablets. The drawing process turned out to be like meditation for me. I would draw sketches, not finish them, and then abandon them. Sometimes I simply covered the canvas with different brushes.
After working day, my sister and me started playing Mortal Kombat, and when I was tired she gave me the iPad, then she continued to play. And we talked a lot. One day she said: ‘For some reason I like it when you draw.’ And it was very enjoyable. Perhaps she always thought so, but did not voice it. These words seemed to resurrect me. My sister didn't care how long I drew, she just loved sitting next to me and seeing what I was drawing on her iPad. This relieved the nervous tension that I had earned from the wrong attitude towards the audience. I was always afraid of losing the public's interest because I draw slowly. My friends said that I should draw as often as possible, even if it turns out badly, and post it on the blog to increase the activity of subscribers. This approach was very toxic for me. And furthermore I don't know how to draw something actual. Sometimes I become hyper fixated on something and can only draw that.
My sister didn’t care exactly what I was drawing. She looked at my crooked sketches as if they were a miracle. She was delighted that I could make some semblance of people through lines. While we played Mortal Kombat, we inevitably created (almost always without plot justification) pairings, so pairings with the characters of which my sister and I played after work began to appear on my canvases.
One day my mom accidentally saw one of these pictures drawn while playing Mortal Kombat. She said: ‘What beautiful faces they have’. I was embarrassed, but I was pleased. My mom usually didn't give my fandom shipping pictures high marks. Then I decided to create a server on Discord and invited my sister and best friend there. There I started posting all my pictures. I post everything that comes out of one drawing session, even if it only lasted 5 minutes, and they post reactions. There is nothing else on the server. I realized that I need these reactions, I am delighted when they stage some unusual reactions and I am delighted that these reactions are always there. This completely satisfied my need to get feedback from the audience. I have almost gotten rid of the traumas that I inflicted on myself in the past. I am eternally grateful to my sister and my best friend for these reactions.
I myself began to like the pictures that I completed. And one day I decided that I could post on my Tumblr blog those pictures that seemed good enough to me on the Discord server, and leave space for creative chaos on Discord. Processes and abandoned work will remain there. As well as originals that for certain reasons I don’t want to publish on the Internet and some local jokes and art that only my sister and I or my friend understand.
So I'm restarting my blog. My art will sometimes appear here. They will not appear here regularly. As I complete some works and if they seem suitable for publication, I will post them here.
Information
I do not exclude that sometimes there will be text posts on free topics. These may be my thoughts or incorrect quotes. I will continue to reblog.
Sometimes captions for art may be in Russian. It is my native language. I don't speak English well, but I'm trying to improve it.
This blog will contain pairings that have no plot justification. Please don't comment that this is weird or wrong. I like them and most likely they came here because my sister and I came up with them together for some reason.
Here are a few Mortal Kombat pairings that I ship (maybe I will add it in the future, or maybe create a separate post):
Kuai x Hanzo
Baraka x Kabal
Kitana x Jade
Fujin x Rain
Frost x Erron
Shiva x Sindel
Erron x Kano
Johnny x Kenshi
Bi Han x Tomas