Trigger Warnings: heavy violence/torture, crude language, character death
Leaving the castle without taking a detour to Gryffindor Tower was rather a difficult task for him. He wanted to see Soohyun, he wanted to let his brother know what he was going to do.
He wanted Soohyun to stop him.
No, fuck. Stop thinking about it Myungsoo. It would only deter him from his departure from the castle and he couldn't delay too much or he would have to put off his plan -- and if he had to put it off, he ... wasn't too sure he would be able to go through with it. Not if he saw his brother again. He didn't think he'd be able to leave a second time if he did.
Grey was perched quietly on his shoulder, strangely obedient for once as though he could sense he was having his final moments with his master.
Once he was outside of the anti-Apparition boundaries that were cast on the castle grounds, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, turning on the spot as he gripped onto the Boreal owl's legs. He needed Grey with him the entire way, until the very last minute, right after he cast the charm. He was trusting his quick reflexes to keep the owl safe -- there was something extremely important that he needed to deliver to his brother after ... after everything was over. When he opened his eyes after the squeezing feeling disappeared, he swallowed hard, the usual anger flaring up as he gazed at the house he had grew up it. There was so much hatred, so much pain that came with the memories that Myungsoo was rather glad that there would be nothing remaining of it.
Unlocking the door and stepping inside, he sent out a message to the maids via Patronus, the silvery lynx appearing as he told the maids to get out of the house as quickly as possible if they didn't want to die.
He rushed up the stairs to the second floor, briskly shooting past Soohyun's old room -- he didn't look inside, already feeling slightly choked up. He was never going to see his brother again. Passing his room next, this time he slowed his pace slightly, peeking inside to take in the scene of where he had grown up. Where he had always asked the maids to bring him food. Where his mother used to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight. Where he had brought his brother the first time he had found out, bandaging him up and letting the Gryffindor cry in his arms. Where he had decided on what he needed to do to stop it from happening.
Shaking those thoughts out of his head, he slowly made his way further down the hallway, towards his father's study. Closing his eyes, Myungsoo let the rage build up -- everything he remembered about his father was shooting into his mind. All the anger, all the frustration, all the pain that Soohyun had endured for him. Everything.
There were so many things he had held himself back from feeling, keeping his facade of the emotionless ice prince for so long that now that he was actually feeling -- he was seeing red. His vision was scarlet around the edges, blurred, and it was with this mindset that he burst the door off the hinges, storming into the room, wand at the ready. Grey lifted off his shoulder and perched by the window, hidden.
"You fucking bastard," he snarled, casting a silent disarming Charm at the man who had jumped awake, having been apparently dozing at his desk. The picture of fucking innocence. He caught the wand easily, snapping it in two and tossing it out the open window.
Hah. Useless.
"Wh-wha -- Myungsoo?"
He slowly slinked forward, hands behind his back as he circled his old man, eyes like daggers. The other smelt like alcohol, and he couldn't help but hold back a growl of disappointment -- he had hoped that the man who was considered his father would've been sober for the treatment he had planned. He had wanted him to feel every single cut, feel his limbs being ripped one by one from his body, feel the fire of hell burning him alive -- but he guessed, this would have to do.
"You're disgusting," he spat, waving his wand idly as ropes appeared and bound the other to the chair he was reclining in, awkward position and all, chuckling darkly at the cry of surprise. "You're getting what you fucking deserve -- the pain that Soohyun felt. Just, you know, ten times as worse. Maybe a hundred."
The protests coming from the other amused him and he flicked his wand again to gag the man, continuing to speak as he paced around the other, settling down on the edge of the desk in front of him. Myungsoo peered at his nails as casually as possible, waiting for a sound to come from the other, glancing up once there was one and he narrowed his eyes. "No speaking. Only if I allow you to beg for your life -- which I won't."
There was another light sound, as if his father was trying to spit out the gag and he flicked his hand again, a deep gash appearing in the other's arm and he chuckled at the pain that flashed across the other's face. "Can you even feel that? All that alcohol's probably numbing it for you, huh?"
With every light twitch of his wand hand, more incisions appeared along the man's body, the other obviously howling from pain though the gag did a good job in muffling the sounds and he leaned forward, hard gaze peering into his father's face, lips pressed into a thin line as he narrowed his eyes. The bastard was getting was getting what he deserved and he hoped that he would remember that as he burned in hell for the rest of eternity -- that his son had done this to him. That he had done this to his first son and that this was just retribution for making Soohyun's life living hell.
Soon though, he got tired of watching the other bleed, wanting to inflict a worse pain on him and he did what he never thought he would ever do as long as he lived -- he cut an incision so deep into his father's arm that it rendered it useless, taking hold and literally wrenching the arm out of it's socket, tossing it onto the floor. The muffled scream of agony from the old man was like music to his ears -- it sounded almost reminiscent of his brother's screams after being subjected to the Cruciatus Curse.
The Cruciatus Curse.
If he was going to hell anyway, why not make the trip more pleasant? He would die peacefully if he knew that he had done the best he could to make the old man feel just an ounce of his brother's pain.
Pointing his wand directly at his father's throat -- the fear in the man's eyes made his lips curl up in a smirk -- he shook his head slowly before opening his mouth.
"Crucio."
It was said that the curse was only ever effective if the wielder meant it. And boy, did he mean it. The gag did nothing to muffle the screams of pure agony that the other was obviously feeling, writhing against his bindings even as more blood poured from the open wounds. There was laughter surrounding him, it was ringing in his ears -- was his father that insane to be laughing whilst dying of blood loss and pain? What in the wor -- oh.
It took him a moment before he realized it was his own maniacal laughter that was bouncing off the walls, the sound foreign to his ears.
What was going on?
What was becoming of him?
He wasn't any better than his father if he was enjoying this torture, this utter agony that he was inflicting on the said man.
Soohyun would be so sad if he knew.
And it was that thought that pulled him out of it, dropping his wand as he stared at his hands, wondering what in the world had become of him. The Cruciatus Curse. He had used one of the Unforgivable Curses. And he had enjoyed it.
Gasping, he stumbled backwards, tripping over his father's dismembered arm before he let out a cry of terror. What had become of him? It hadn't meant to go this far.
There was a dry chuckle coming from the other end of the room, and he glanced up, teary eyed.
"You're ... no better ... than me ..."
"Shut up, shut up, shut UP!" Myungsoo screeched, covering his ears with his hands and shaking his head furiously. There was blood on his hands, there was blood on his hands and -- had he tripped over an arm?
What in the world had he done?
"You enjoyed ... that ... I could see it ... in your ... eyes Myung' ..."
He screamed again, no, no no, he groaned, tearing at his hair. He had lost himself in it, and that wasn't the plan. He had to follow the plan and his eyes flickered towards the little Boreal owl by the window, his eyes dropping to his wand which he slowly picked up, walking back to his father who seemed to have exhausted himself from speaking.
"I'm nothing like you," he murmured, voice like ice as he stared hard at his father. The other only gave a slight quirk of an eyebrow in response and he gave a dry chuckle.
"I'm nothing like you. I will never be anything like you.
"Since, you know, we're both out of time now."
He mutters the spell that he knew off by heart, backing close to the window so he had a chance to get Grey out of there safely. Once he felt the swirling heat around him, he closed his eyes, hoping that the maids had gotten out of the house safely.
"See you in hell, demon."
The swirling heat shooting from the tip of his wand had him opening his eyes, rushing to his owl and placing his wand in his talons. "Remember, a week, okay Grey? I trust you. Go, go!" He literally picked the owl up and tossed him out the window as far as he could, the flames already becoming unbearable and he could already see the scorching remains of his father's body when he looked back.
Tilting his head up to the sky, the Chimaera roaring loudly behind him, he felt a last cool breeze play across his forehead, flicking his fringe away from his face before he closed his eyes, letting the fire consume him.
There was a faint memory in his mind, of a time when he had been bedridden due to a raging fever and he had been so warm, so hot that even Soohyun's fingers felt cool to his forehead.
He tried to pretend it was his brother's fingers brushing his hair away from his face one last time.
He had agonized over how to start this letter. Should he go with something endearing? Like Dear Soohyun or something stupid that he would never say like Soohyunnie hyung. Gah. It took him a while of staring at a blank page before he decided, fuck it, and just wrote the way he always wrote, concise and to the point.
If you're reading this letter ... that means I'm not around anymore. Actually, it means I won't be around ever again.
I'm sorry.
I'm really just so fucking sorry. I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry that I can't be there for you. I'm sorry for not explaining this to you and I'm sorry that I got so mad at you over stupid things before. I'm sorry for ignoring you for that one year and I'm sorry that I never said sorry enough.
I'm sorry for saying it too much now.
It almost physically hurt him to write all of that, all those apologies. Myungsoo had never been one to apologize for things, even when he was wrong. He would ghost over it, mumble it under his breath and to write it so many times -- it exhausted him, exhausted his mind but ... it was the least he could do. Right? He owed Soohyun so many apologies over the years that now that it was his last chance to do it, he couldn't help them spilling out.
There's so many things that I wish I could tell you right now. All the years after I found out that I spent staying up until the odd hours in the morning, poring over library books until the crack of dawn. I wanted to find a way to get out of this alive -- for you. I was so fucking scared that if I wasn't around to keep you sane, you'd waste away.
And I didn't want that. I wish I could be there to comfort you instead of sending you a crummy letter with a stick that probably has no use to you now that I ... don't exist.
(It's really weird talking about my future non-existence. Let me tell you.)
You know that little notebook I always carried around? The one that I screamed at you to not touch? (I'm sorry about that too. I probably yelled at you about a lot of things that you didn't deserve. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything.) It was all of my research. I was always looking through it -- Fiendfyre is a horrible sort of Dark Magic. Uncontrollable. I thought, maybe, if I researched enough Dark Magic, I might be able to control it. I'm sorry for making you think I was dabbling in the Dark Arts. I would never. I wanted to be a Healer to help people, to help you.
There were tears picking at the corners of his eyes as he wrote that. sniffling a bit as he tried to hold them back. Kim Myungsoo did not cry. That was his brother's job, but he couldn't help the lone tear that slid down his nose and dropped onto the letter, smudging a mall section.
He wiped furiously at his eyes, picking up the pen again to finish the letter. He was almost done explaining it, he just needed a bit more ...
But after everything I found out about the man who we called our father ... and everything he did to you. I was bent on revenge. I'm sure you knew about it. I'm also sure you didn't know the extent of what I was planning.
... It's probably better that you don't.
Just know that ... if I no longer exist in this world, neither does he. And that makes everything a little bit better.
Expect a letter from mother. She should've written you by now. I told her to wait a week.
Hopefully their mother was in a safe spot now, somewhere where she was no longer pursued due to the fact that their father was dead. Or would be dead. He would be leaving to their father's house after explaining the purpose of this letter to Grey. The Boreal Owl had always been extremely understanding of his requests, and he knew that he wouldn't disappoint this time either.
There was nothing left to do.
Once again, I'm sorry. I had to do this -- I couldn't live with him hovering over us. I hope you one day learn to understand. I hope you don't let my memory stop you from going on with your life -- I'd hate that. You know I would. Become the best Auror you can. For me.
Also, please don't do anything that you'll regret. That's my job, remember? Your job is to be the good Gryffindor, as my job was to be the reckless Ravenclaw.
I'll be watching you from above, okay? Don't miss me too much.
He sighed, rereading the letter briefly, rubbing at his nose as he got up to head to the Owlery. Explaining to Grey the importance of the letter was easy, as was folding it up and hiding it in a small nook between some bricks in the wall of the Owlery. Taking Grey with him as he left was easy as well.
It was the idea that he would never see his brother again that was hard.
I love you, hyung. Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that.
Myungsoo.
But ... he had to deal. No matter how hard it was.
{ `/ he grins at that } Well, we can if I stop your timepiece. { `/ he points out with a laugh, grabbing his brother’s hand with a delighted smile, always so easy to please when it comes to the other. Myungsoo’s always been able to make him happy despite his mood, just with a few words and a few simple gestures, and he doesn’t think it’ll ever change }
[ `/ sighs but he lets the other take his hand, not pulling away like usual because really, when was the next time he was going to get to spend time with his brother -- probably never ] I was kidding. I don't have anything to do anyway. [ `/ sighs as if it's a big thing for him to admit this and he sighs again ]
{ `/ he rolls his eyes playfully } You and your hatred for Gryffindors. { `/ he sighs heavily, playfully, nodding in response to confirm that his girlfriend is indeed a Gryffindor } I’m so honored, ‘soo. I’ll be sure to treasure every moment of it ~ { `/ his voice is teasing although he really does treasure every moment, even though he doesn’t know how much he should be treasuring it right now } Want to go to Hogsmeade? We haven’t done that in forever.
They're annoying. [ `/ doesn't say anything else on the topic of his hatred of Gryffindors, rolling his eyes once again and carrying on with his joke of 20 minutes ] Can we make it to Hogsmeade and back in twenty minutes? [ `/ asks lightly, wishing he could bring himself to be nice to the Gryffindor for once, but he can't. he just can't and it pains him as much as the thought of leaving him behind does ] Sure.
{ `/ he’s blissfully oblivious to his brother’s thoughts and he hadn’t expected anything else from the other, honestly — Myungsoo’s always been rather bland and flat about everything save for the things that draw his anger, and he nods quickly } Despising social interaction even in this situation, huh? { `/ he jokes quietly, smiling slightly } Hey, what are you up to? It’s been forever. Spend some time with me ~
[ `/ rolls his eyes, a wry smile appearing on his face despite his ... less than pleasant thoughts ] Yeah, I hate Gryffindors. I'm assuming that's what she is? [ `/ heaves a sigh as if he really didn't want to spend time with his brother even though ... honestly, this was probably the last time he would allow himself to see his brother, because he knew he would get more and more afraid as the time arrived ] Fine. I'll give you twenty minutes of my time. [ `/ is obviously teasing ]
{ `/ he tags along behind him, following him silently before he reaches for his brother’s hand to squeeze it after a moment } … I love you, okay? { `/ he murmurs at last as they approach the Ravenclaw dorms }
[ `/ tugs his hands out of his brother's grip, answering the question with ease before entering the tower ] Yeah yeah. You too. [ `/ of course he wouldn't say it back, but the other knew what he meant ]
{ `/ it whistles even louder and he shoots his brother a suspicious glance } You chronic liar. { `/ he teases, oblivious to his brother’s true thoughts and he shoves it deeper into his pocket with a grin } Anyways, uh… So. I. I, uh. Got a girlfriend. { `/ he beams at his brother wordlessly, his eyes bright } She makes me really happy and I want you to meet her!
[ `/ he keeps his mouth shut, not bothering to say anything in retort because honestly, his brother had hit closer to home than anything else ] Oh. Congratulations. [ `/ what in the world was he supposed to do? there were three days left until ... it happened and now his brother was springing a random girl onto him ] Uh ... not right now hyung. Some other time.
{ `/ he nods, his lips turned up in a bright smile } You’ll never believe what happened! { `/ he chirps before he pulls the Sneakoscope out of his pocket, waving it } Oh, and thanks for this! It’s really neat — hey, why is it whistling? { `/ his eyebrows furrow slightly and he shoves it back in his pocket }
[ `/ raises an eyebrow ] What happened? [ `/ nods, not minding it at all though he would've preferred if the other hadn't decided to mention his parting gifts to him ] Maybe it's broken. It was cheap. [ `/ it wasn't, and it would probably whistle even more once it heard what he said ]
{ `/ he nudges at the other } After I saved yours like, fifteen million times over? { `/ he teases back, feeling comfortable enough before he gets up, waiting patiently for his brother } You don’t mind all that much, be honest.
[ `/ sighs ] I didn't ask you to. [ `/ shrugs, before he gracefully steps over the bench and disappears out of the great hall, really not wanting to stay another minute in there, knowing his brother would follow him ]
{ `/ he smiles at his younger brother, obviously bursting with something he needs to say and the joy radiating from him is unmistakeable } ‘soo! { `/ exclaims again with a smile, a genuine one }
[ `/ raises an eyebrow at the other, eyes quickly drawing over his face ] You ... look happy. [ `/ comments, feeling glad that his brother had found him so close to ... the time ... and he was sure this would be the last time they saw each other ]
{ `/ his gaze softens at the last sentence and he chuckles softly } … Guess I put up with you somehow, hey? { `/ he teases softly before he glances at his plate } … So, since we’re both done, I think it’s time to leave? { `/ his lips curve up at the corners } Time to escape the hell of social interaction?
[ `/ shrugs, not bothering to beat around the bush ] It's because I saved your life. [ `/ teases even though it's true ] Yeah, let's get out of here. I'm usually here for like 15 minutes. 20 minutes tops. [ `/ sighs, shaking his head ] This is all your fault.
{ `/ spots his brother in the corridors and he has a soft pink flush on his cheeks, happiness practically radiating out from him } 'soo! { `/ grabs his wrist }
[ `/ hisses, hostility flashing over his face at the sudden grab of his wrist before his expression softens at the familiar face ] Hyung.
{ `/ he reaches out to poke his brother’s cheek with a huff } I’m done with you, Kim Myungsoo. { `/ he declares with a mock disgruntled expression on his face, secretly pleased because it’s been a long time since they’ve really been so warm and so at ease that he wants this moment to never end }
[ `/ grabs the other's hand and pushes it away from him with a look of disgust ] Please hyung. [ `/ gives the other a look, saying that he knew exactly what the Gryffindor was really thinking and he just shakes his head ] Yet you're still here. You know you love me. [ `/ says jokingly, though he means it, leaving the 'in' out of his sentence ]
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