Author's Note: Find me on AO3 now!! Same username :) iwoulddieforher. Everything is just reuploads so far... but kudos would mean a lot to me regardless
No warnings for this one. Just fluff :) ALMOST 6k words of married fluff.
Summary: In their years of marriage, navigating issues has gotten easier, but still, sometimes hardships are encountered. Tonight Casey has withdrawn from Alex and the blonde has decided to reflect on their shared history while making a little token of her genuine affection.
Informal summary: Alex is WHIPPED oh lord.
dedicated to my lovely beta reader (who requested this), @commandermonalisa
"Casey, I'm sorry."
"I know."
"Casey, I'm-"
"I know, Alex, please, I know."
The redhead sighed, deeply, tilting her face to the ceiling and closing her eyes, a pained expression flitting over her face for a second before she shook her head and turned away from the blonde entirely.
Alex clenched her jaw, not out of anger but rather concern, and hesitated, trying to reach out, but Casey didn't turn around to look back at her.
Having off days wasn't unusual for her wife, and Alex was aware of that- Casey was a lot more emotionally invested in cases in a way Alex wasn't usually. When something got screwed up or something simply didn't work the way the redhead wanted it to she felt the effects of it personally. Alex loved that about her, though, the way her heart was so big it could encompass everything around her- the way that once she had gotten past the fiery exterior Casey manufactured, she could see how much her woman really cared.
Lately, though, Casey was apparently having a worse time of it than usual, and Alex wasn't entirely sure what to do. Minor suggestions or comments seemed to tick Casey off a lot more than they normally did, and Novak seemed to shy away from being around her, or doing anything once she got home to their apartment.
"I'm sorry, Alex," Casey murmured, still facing the opposite direction, "Everything is just a little hard for me right now, and I- I just need a little time alone, okay? Everything feels like it takes so much effort, and I just.."
"No, it's okay-" Alex tried to reassure, watching as her love's spine tensed instead of relaxed as she spoke, "Take your time."
She watched cautiously as Casey vanished into the study, closing the door behind her with a soft click- Alex was used to her accidentally shutting doors with more force than necessary, with her temper or her excitement, and needing to focus to hear the sound of the door meeting the doorframe was unsettling.
It had been a simple argument- not even one, really. They'd had the same interaction before. Casey had been doing homework on the motions filed for a case, and Alex had remarked on Casey's approach- it was instinctive, needing to respond to anything regarding the law. But Casey had asked her a few times to stop doing it because it made her second guess things, so Alex had stifled the urge. But sometimes, when she was only half paying attention and Casey mumbled something out loud, she automatically responded.
Normally it was a simple raised eyebrow, a hastened apology from Alex, and then Casey scoffed a short 'wondergirl, you can never turn it off, can you?' and Alex made an over-exaggerated apologetic face that rewarded her with a kiss on the cheek and the interaction was moved on from.
But Casey was really on edge, and Alex hadn't realized- something she felt guilty for, now.
Alex sat down on the couch, staring blankly at the wall for a long minute, ears perked to hear anything from the study Casey had shut herself in, but there was nothing- uncharacteristic silence.
Alex decided, then, to also be uncharacteristic, pulling her legs up onto the couch and curling herself into a ball on the side of it, trying to figure out how to proceed.
Over the years they had been together, Alex had found herself changing a lot. Despite Casey immediately having been able to see through her 'Ice Queen' facade, she had initially tried to act that way regardless, mostly because she hadn't known any other way to be.
But Casey had quickly taught her- inadvertently, of course.
Casey was good at pretending to be nonchalant about her court victories until she shut the front door behind her and bounded into Alex's arms, kissing her with victorious ferocity until Alex's cheeks were red and she was utterly breathless, partly because of the kiss but mostly because of how gorgeous her woman's face was with victory written so plainly on it. Her grin had embedded itself in Alex's skull in a way that her own rulings began to feel extra special, too, because she knew when she celebrated them in bed next to Casey she'd kiss her just as hard with pride.
Alex had never been the type to get any more drunk than toeing the line of tipsy until Casey had cracked open a bottle of whisky on their kitchen counter the day she had first stayed the night and she could still remember the giddy 'I love you's they'd exchanged- the words had felt so natural, even in the blossoming portion of settling into the relationship. She'd tried her best to keep up with Casey but her alcohol tolerance was low enough the redhead just giggled when she tried to match her pace and even now Alex still at some point just given up her attempts to consume the same amount.
After their first real fight, Alex had tried to pull away, steel her nerves, and reject Casey entirely in anger the way she had thrown away the men she had previously been with before- she still winced when she thought about that, now, and it felt like an entirely different person must've done that- but Casey had been nothing but warm and insistent that she wouldn't let Alex go without a proper conversation and the blonde's rigid walls had come clattering down like a house of cards at the redhead's softness, her patience.
Casey was so patient, honestly, overly so. It surprised Alex a lot in the beginning because at work she often didn't seem like it. Watching Casey essentially take over investigations entirely out of impatience and perfectionism had always made Alex rather bemused, but the way Casey was so delicate with issues in their romantic life and had tried so hard to understand her and care for her was anything but her callous work nature might suggest.
Casey had tried so hard to adapt to Alex's uniqueness, her issues, her vulnerabilities, and her quirks. She could calm Alex as no one else could, and when her temper flared on Alex's behalf or when she composed just the exact right thing to say in any situation- well, there was a reason Alex had started crying out of sheer emotion when she had slipped the polished ring on her soulmate's finger.
Alex knew Casey loved her, and she knew it wasn't something she should think she needed to earn to deserve, but in a moment like this- when Casey was so overwhelmed- even though her wife had asked her to just leave her alone she couldn't stand it. Alex was the one who became avoidant of facing her issues, not Casey, never Casey. Casey threw herself at things. She must be trying to tamp down her emotions entirely to stop herself from either exploding or imploding with whatever storm she was submerging so Alex wouldn't see.
'I love you', Alex thought to herself, toying with her own ring. She tried to formulate some sort of idea, something that could- she wasn't even sure what she was trying to do. She didn't know what Casey was grappling with, because the redhead had just made it clear she didn't want Alex to know, and she didn't want Alex to help.
Earlier in their relationship, Alex had made that mistake- trying to insert herself into situations, trying to make herself as vital a part of Casey's life to match how vital Casey now was to her mind. But she knew better, now, because it made Casey feel rather patronized if Alex flashed her wealth or her connections to make Casey's life easier, and Alex had understood and resigned herself instead to kissing a line down Casey's should blade from behind her office chair and to watch Casey solve problems on her own.
And Casey was so, so wonderful at solving problems. Ironically enough, though, Casey's name for her had become wondergirl- an inside joke, if you will, when Casey had won a particularly difficult case and Alex had hummed "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful" over and over into Casey's hair when Casey buried her head into her shoulder.
"Alex- you're my wonder." Casey had muttered, pressing a quick kiss to the blonde's sharp jawline, "My wonder."
So Alex had quickly become Alexandra "Wondergirl" Cabot to her, although she only pulled that nickname out when she wanted to freeze Alex in her words because even now the nickname made her feel so hopelessly flustered she wouldn't be able to respond until long after Casey had made whatever response she was trying to.
She made her feel so special. Alex craved the knowledge that Casey felt as though her wife made her feel the same way, too.
Alex sighed, deciding to think this over the way she assumed Casey must approach it whenever she was being less than easy to deal with.
Casey always seemed to drink in the curt words Alex would offer, study her eyes with intensity, and then somehow appear with the perfect response to shatter her defense until Alex was curled in her arms exactly where she wanted to be.
Her words. Okay, Alex could do that.
'Everything feels like it takes so much effort', her wife had muttered in a flat tone, devoid of her normal determined nature, and Alex decided to fixate on that.
She swallowed, running her finger along the grooves on the ring again, before glancing at the clock. It was late, but they hadn't eaten dinner, because they had both brought work home. Casey normally cooked, because after Alex had set their second toaster on fire the redhead had guided her firmly to the dining table chairs and told her to sit back.
So, Casey hadn't eaten, and being hungry must not do much for stress. But Alex knew cooking for her would just exasperate the problem, because then the redhead would just develop guilt over the fact she hadn't provided Alex with anything and that was the last thing she wanted.
Alex stood with an inhale, and then set herself intently in the kitchen, reaching to the bowl of fruit Casey had made sure was always stocked on the kitchen aisle and picking up a mandarine orange.
Casey always jokingly commented on how much effort it took for her to eat them after a long day of grueling legality, and it was often they'd be overripe or straight-up decaying because Alex didn't really eat citrus and Casey forgot or was too exhausted to take the amount of effort it would take to peel them.
Such was true with this one, actually, and Alex sighed inwardly.
Then she grabbed her coat and her purse and set out into the cold New York night, drawing on from some of her wife's enthusiasm at setting her ideas into motion despite whatever barricade she might be facing. Alex couldn't begin to explain to Casey how much she looked up to her. So, maybe she could just show her instead.
Every night, she thanked the heavens there was a twenty-hour open grocery down the street from her apartment- she hated walking out after dark, especially by herself, but it wasn't a long way to go.
It was interesting, though, because she hadn't even known this little corner store was here until Casey had moved in and asked where she bought groceries. She normally just had them delivered- she didn't have the time to physically go pick out her groceries, and besides, she had barely eaten meals made at home regardless, so the only things she needed were the bare essentials and she just ordered take-out usually.
But Casey had absolutely insisted that it was a staple of life to buy groceries and make the majority of meals at home- she said she wasn't fulfilling her duty as a wife if she didn't go to the grocery store at least once a week, whatever that meant- and thus Alex had been made aware of this location.
She didn't walk alone, though, most of the time. She actually never really went at all- but she didn't like Casey being out alone after a certain time, and when the redhead very indignantly put her jacket on to go fetch a loaf of bread and whatever else she had put on the shared shopping list she had established, ignoring the fact Alex barely ever added anything, Alex resigned to pulling her coat on too. If Casey found it necessary to be out, then at the very least Alex would make sure she wasn't alone outside.
Casey's pace was a bit faster than Alex's was, and now it felt weird not to have a strutting, fiery woman making idle jokes while traversing the short distance.
"Wondergirl, you know you don't have to come with me, right?" She had murmured the last time they had gone, sounding exasperated, but Alex knew she was just teasing.
"I know- but I don't like thinking about you out in the cold on the streets at night." Alex had murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head and settling one of her hands in the curve of Casey's waist, pleased with how it felt as though the redhead's body was shaped just so that she'd fit perfectly. Casey huffed, but ceased her argument, an equally pleased smile on her pink lips as she flexed her eyebrows at her girl.
The mandarines the store had were a deep orange, and they still had the stems attached- Alex checked, and they were organic, which Casey would appreciate. She bought five and then moved on.
While she was here, she might as well pick up something extra.
She narrowed her eyes at a bag of pistachios- she briefly remembered the time Casey had gotten her blood results back and it had showed borderline anemia, and with a laugh Casey had jested about needing more iron-rich foods, except she couldn't be bothered to crack open the little green nuts even if it would stop her from fainting. Alex added them to the basket.
She didn't need to think when she grabbed a pomegranate. Once they had visited a modern art museum on a day off when they had nothing better to do, in Casey's effort to distract Alex from using her mandatory break to do extra legal research, and Casey had to keep stifling giggles at a floor-length painting of a pomegranate that was being used as a metaphor for lesbian sex. Hopefully eating it would remind Casey of that moment- God knows for the next months after that museum trip Alex always vaguely had pomegranate imagery in her head when she went down. On her way down, at least, with Casey on her tongue she didn't really think about anything else.
For the sake of the fact Casey always insisted on having at least one protein per meal she prepared, Alex mused over the deli section, ignoring the incessantly loud hum of the refrigerators before buying a portion of salami, some prosciutto, and a portion of some strange soft cheese that had a vaguely European-sounding name.
Alex hesitated, and then took a packet of white cheddar, too. She felt mildly upset she wasn't exactly sure which cheese Casey used for the pasta recipe she always made whenever Alex was handling something especially difficult, but the blonde was pretty sure it was this one, and that made it important to have.
Grapes were an afterthought, but she remembered Casey's annoyance at the fact at an office potluck once Stabler had brought a bunch of grapes without separating them individually from the stem and Alex had to quickly convince her out of scolding him for his lack of ethic. Casey had protested, saying it showed a lack of respect for his colleagues, because apparently, she found picking grapes to be an irritating task that she assumed one who provided grapes would automatically do out of politeness.
Brainstorming a theme for this odd ensemble of foods, Alex decided she might as well commit to a charcuterie theme- she needed some sort of plating idea, of course, because Casey always made stupidly cute things and she didn't want to fall short.
Her mind flashed back to smiley faces in strawberries Casey had made on her pancakes, which initially Alex had been rather confused by and then later grew to expect and then adore. "It's because my family has a lot of little kids-" she had justified, the first time Alex had raised a manicured eyebrow when Casey set the plate in front of her, "if the food doesn't look cute, they won't eat it- and now it feels weird to plate anything without thinking about it."
Thus, figs and olives were added to the basket, unpitted olives to be specific because Alex was starting to look forward to the diligent task of preparing all of these items.
After a second, and out of fondness for Casey's utilization of strawberries in breakfast foods, Alex added a carton of them to her growing collection, too. Besides, Alex had cut her thumb once absentmindedly separating the strawberry stalks from the juicy red body, and if each of the things Alex provided had a memory, that one was cute enough as it was for how Casey had carefully cleaned and bandaged it despite it really not being that deep of a cut to warrant that degree of attention.
'I love you', Alex thought, toying with the silver band on her ring finger idly, the basket handle in the crook of her elbow so she had both hands free while perusing the store. After a long moment of seeking through all the isles of the small grocery store, her brow furrowing despite herself because of the harsh fluorescent lights, she decided what she collected was enough and made it to the checkout line.
She was starting to realize that everything reminded her of Casey to some degree when she fumbled to decide which of her cards she should put the groceries on, before just pawing over a hundred-dollar bill instead. Casey made note in the earlier stages of their relationship to comment on how ridiculous she found Alex's wealth- and the blonde was content to accept her mocking so long as she was allowed to spoil her with the fruits of it later.
She arrived back at their apartment, and it was as though she had never left, which she was mildly surprised by. The lights in the kitchen and living room were on as she had left them, the door to the study was still firmly shut, and nothing had moved outside to indicate Casey had left her self-confinement at all.
Alex pursed her lips but set her groceries on the kitchen counter, separating all the containers out into a neat little arrangement so she could select what she wanted to start with.
It almost pained her to admit it, but she wasn't entirely used to the feeling of preparing food with her hands- she realized this as she felt her fingertips on the cold block of cheddar she was cutting, and the urge to wash her hands after every single brushed interaction. Casey was definitely the chef in their relationship, the edible provider. Alex snorted to herself softly when she internally mused the idea that Casey was both the reason she didn't constantly need to eat out due to lack of food preparation skills and simultaneously her favorite thing to eat out. She wished Casey was here, sitting on one of the barstools at the kitchen island, so she could hear her wife's low raspy voice chuckle at that. Corny comments were Casey's specialty, but Alex liked surprising her with them when her mind was able to formulate one.
She found a box of long toothpicks among their kitchen utilities- she had absolutely no clue where that came from, so it must've been among Casey's kitchen items when the redhead had moved in with her. She had let her pick out where she wanted all of her items to go, and not really supervised those decisions, so sometimes something of Casey's still surprised her when she looked through her cabinets and noted the presence of something that must have been there for years at this point that she had never noticed.
She liked the feeling, though. It reminded her of the first time she had sleepily pulled herself into her bathroom and realized a second toothbrush had materialized in the cup next to the sink where she kept hers, and the bolt of energy that had given her. Casey had embedded herself in Alex's mind in a way she was always noticing, whether it being daydreams about future occurrences or sentimental reflections on their now-shared past, and it was only fitting her living space reflected that fact. Every day, Alex felt herself growing a little bit more attached- not that she could even imagine a life without her most cherished woman at all anymore.
Alex surfaced from her internal pondering to realize she had already started skewering carefully cut blocks of cheese onto the skewers- she put one block of cheddar on each, and then pondered on what to follow it with. Casey always had a flare for color arrangements on the food spreads she made, but Alex wasn't that well-versed nor that creative. Cheddar went with almost anything, though, so she decided to just start pitting olives so she could put those on next.
It took her longer to do than it would've Casey, but it was oddly meditating, drawing little x-s on both sides of the olive with a small, sharp blade and then pushing the pit out one side. She skewered them sideways, though, because her blade work definitely wasn't neat enough to trust. After washing the knife, she cut apart the strawberries too, into thin slices that she could stack.
She hesitated and then flicked through YouTube videos on her phone until she found a tutorial on how to make the salami slices form little flower shapes, like how she had seen professional caterers do once at a gala she had forced Casey to attend.
Idle daydreams about Casey in the dresses Alex pursued her to wear enveloped her mind as she struggled to hold and arrange the snacks the way she wanted to.
"Sweetheart," Alex had cooed, perched on a chair near Casey's bathroom door, "I'm sure you look great."
"I never wear dresses like this, Alex, I-" she heard her at the time girlfriend's voice through the door, sounding very concerned, and a half-smirk toyed on Alex's lips. She knew Casey would look amazing, regardless of the redhead's hesitance, and she was impatient to see.
"Please?" Alex asked, first in a rather stern tone of voice, only to be met with a scoff. She sighed, deciding to indulge her girlfriend, and then stood, leaning both palms against the door softly.
"Casey, please.?"
Alex knew full well Casey was a wreck for the subtle note of begging in her tone, and thus was not surprised in the slightest when the door pulled open a second later, but exactly the degree of gorgeous her redhead was was an entirely different story. Alex's breath caught quickly in her chest, her blue eyes widening slightly.
The dress was black, and Alex had picked it out, so she wasn't sure exactly why she was so shell-shocked seeing Casey in it- but God, god she was.
The dress had only one strap that hitched delicately over the redhead's shoulder, and on the other side, it dipped, exposing the delicious curves of her sharp collarbones, and emphasizing the faint cup of her breast on that side. A slit ran up the opposite half up to her thigh, and Casey's leg was poking out of it, skin Alex knew the taste of by heart so innocently exposed in a way that did not help how breathless she felt. The redhead's waist was emphasized by the gold chain that ran around her taille, the interlinked golden circles matching the ones on the necklace Alex had already helped the redhead put on tight around the base of her neck.
"Fuck, Casey-" Alex exhaled, finally, and without further preamble she pushed her girlfriend against the bathroom wall, peppering her exposed neck with kisses that made Casey break out in delighted giggles.
"Alex- Alex, if you keep kissing me like that, we're going to be late-"
"With you in this, we'll be fashionably late, no? It won't be a problem." Alex smiled carelessly against her skin, and then slid the strap of her dress an inch to the side to bite down on the flesh there, feeling Casey's slight squirming turn a bit more ferocious.
"Hey!- 'Lexi, you really want me trying to hide hickeys this whole night?"
"Yes."
Alex smiled very fondly at the memory of their earlier shenanigans, resurfacing from the memory before she got too carried away to study the small roses she had been able to make out of mean- somewhat, at least, they looked a bit lopsided and none of them were identical but it was close enough.
The prosciutto she put significantly less effort into, simply using her index to carefully form the flimsy slides into a roll and then stabbing it with the spear of the toothpicks before it had the opportunity to unfold.
The grapes followed, Alex carefully tugging each off of the bunch as carefully as possible to not tug out the grape's innards and also not allow a small piece of the stem to stay imbedded, spearing one on each toothpick and then collecting the rest in a bowl she'd add to the platter when she was done.
The dried figs needed little preparation, and the toothpicks were running out of space, so Alex cut them into quarters and then added them as the second bite, using the fancy cheese she had picked up as the first and also as a stopper to make sure nothing slid on the thin wooden pole.
She pulled out one of Casey's cutting boards and arranged them in a little line, very pleased with how they had turned out considering her utter lack of culinary skills, before pulling out two bowls and starting on the pistachios. No wonder Casey didn't prefer eating them- cracking open the little brittle shells hurt the pads of her fingers, but she was so caught up in the feeling of doing something for the woman she so adored that Alex barely registered the prickle of pain.
The now unenclosed nuts were placed in one bowl, with the broken shells in the other, and Alex tried her best to make quick yet quiet work of them- she now decided she didn't want Casey walking in and seeing her work prematurely.
Finally, the last yet initial and arguably most important ingredient to Alex's spread was under her fingers.
"Careful," Casey's unembodied voice cooed in her ear, the way she had sounded when they had previously had this exact conversation, "don't break the peel."
"Why not?" Alex had looked sideways with a quizzical expression, and Casey had just shrugged.
"It's nice to break them open without ripping the skin. Just put your fingernail in near the top like this-"
Alex did just as she remembered how Casey had instructed, despite her sarcasm at the time they had spoken about it being inefficient to care for something that was going to be discarded anyway. Casey had just smiled wordlessly and kept giving her soft commands on how the most appropriate way to strip a mandarine orange of its peel was, and Alex continued regardless of her own opinion.
Now the blonde couldn't think of any other way to peel a mandarinee.
She took a step back, nodding with a note of self-satisfaction at the cutting board she had just laid out. A row of little skewers assembled with ingredients that Alex connected to memories through the years of their relationship, and to the side were three mandarines Alex had opened at the center on one side to resemble an open flower were surrounding a small porcelain bowl filled with stripped pistachios.
And then she hesitated, because she wasn't entirely sure what to do now.
She couldn't exactly break the barrier of the study door Casey had set up around her, Casey had asked for nothing else but time alone and she was not going to violate that request. She didn't want to just put the platter outside the door, either, because if Casey wanted to wander back into the bedroom in the dark tonight she didn't want it to be a confusing obstacle. The primary concern, though, is that Casey wouldn't understand what she meant by this, and she didn't want to try to insist on a conversation while her wife was exhausted and unwilling.
She pursed her lips, and then a memory surfaced, of one of their first arguments- the first time tears had pricked in her blue eyes when she looked at the redhead.
"Alex, we're never going to get anywhere if we just keep fighting." Casey had murmured, pressing closer, and Alex had just backed up with a hand in front of her.
"I don't know how to talk to you right now without fighting," she had snapped, harshly, expecting Casey to rile to her challenge but met only with a sympathetic look in her delicate green eyes.
Casey had paused for a long moment, and then half-jumped and paced into the study- the exact study Casey had now locked herself in- and returned with a legal notepad and a pen.
"Then write," She had extended it in Alex's direction, "write it out. And give it to me when you're ready for me to read it."
So now, years later, she wrote. She had to keep it short, because she was writing on one of the sticky notes Casey kept on the fridge for when they needed to jot down reminders or short notes to each other, but even then she crammed the page with letters she hoped would convey her dedication.
Casey, my love, my dear,
I am willing to do whatever I can to make all the things that feel like they're piling up on you vanish, or whatever you want me to do in order to help you defeat those endeavors yourself. I love you so, so much.
Alex sighed, resigning herself to take a second sticky note because she couldn't fit everything she wanted to say to her darling wife on one- or a hundred, but she'd have to make it work.
I'm sorry I didn't realize how spent you were. I hope you can eat something and sleep well tonight. Again, I will do whatever I can to make the weight you carry lighter.
I love you more than words or actions could ever express.
Your Alex
The blonde swallowed, and then ripped off a third sticky, tugging her lipstick out of her pocket to reapply just so she could press her lips against the paper and leave an imprint of the shade she always wore- the one Casey had picked out for her on the day they got engaged. She laid the three pieces of paper out carefully on the cutting board, adjusting the edges so they were perfectly lined up. Casey appreciated attention to detail like that.
She decided it wasn't selfish to trespass the study because Casey had skipped both lunch and dinner, and despite the redhead's rigidity it was still her wife's duty to ensure Casey had at least something in her stomach before she went to bed.
But when she pushed the study door open, it appeared she was too late- Casey's head was in her arms on the desk, but her face was tilted to the side and Alex could note how her eyes were lidded shut. Not in the tensed, squeezed way Casey made when she was thinking hard or incredibly stressed, but simply closed. Casey had fallen asleep sitting at the mahogany desk Alex had inherited from her grandfather.
If this was Alex, Casey would have picked her up bridal-style and hoisted her into bed, but Alex wasn't as strong as the redhead and thus was stood still trying to figure out what to do.
With a sigh, she resigned to gently shake her awake, and apparently, Casey wasn't in that deep of slumber because a second after Alex's fingertips made contact with the fabric of her shirt the redhead was reeling up.
"Alex, hm-?" She questioned, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, clearly startled, and Alex decided to hush her instead, guiding her to her feet and helping her towards the bedroom.
"You're exhausted, Case, just lay down in bed, okay? You don't need to be sore on top of everything else."
Based on the way her wife dragged her feet when she walked and face-planted into the bed, it wouldn't take her long to fall back asleep- in a more comfortable position, at least, despite her still wearing her work clothes. Alex huffed, but she didn't feel like trying to keep Casey awake long enough to change her, and the second Casey was adjusted to laying down she was tugging the blanket over her body and curling up on her side regardless. Within seconds, her eyes had closed again, and the blonde was unsure her woman would even remember being woken up at all the next morning.
Alex dragged the bedside table to be around a foot away next to the bed, and then retrieved the platter, placing it gently on top. She kissed the top of Casey's forehead gently, and then stepped away- it felt wrong to crawl into bed next to her, not when the last conversation she had had with the redhead was her asking to be left alone.
She quickly changed, instead, and then moved a blanket to the couch in the living room, curling up quietly and letting the exhaustion way down her bones. Alex hadn't realized how tired she was herself until her face was buried in one of the throw-pillows and she was finally entirely still for a full minute.
It didn't take her long before she fell asleep.
In her hazy, exhaustion-ridden dreams, Casey was grinning, a big smile that showed her perfect teeth, leaning forward to land kisses along the entirety of the lower half of Alex's face, as if the blonde's lips weren't enough to satisfy her, she had to claim her cheeks and her nose and her chin too.
When she woke, she realized it wasn't only in her dream- Casey was kneeling beside the couch, feather-light kisses all over her face while she gently prompted her wife back into the realm of the awake.
"G'morning, you." Alex groaned softly, shifting up on her elbow to kiss Casey back properly, who hummed happily with the attention.
"I read your sticky notes." Casey breathed, kissing Alex's button nose again, "and I ate the cute snack plate you made me." The blonde flushed, toying with the ring on her finger idly as she grew momentarily flustered.
Casey wasted no time in swinging herself up to lay on Alex's body on the couch, nuzzling her head into the side of her throat, and Alex turned below her to make it more comfortable, her hands raising automatically to encompass the redhead's shoulders.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Casey murmured, and Alex hunched her neck awkwardly to mock pout at her wife. No apologies, she meant, and Casey sighed into her skin in resignation.
"I love you," she offered then, instead, and Alex kissed the top of her head gently.
(casey gets jealous at a work dinner, oblivious that the man she's fuming over is gay)
1.1k words
Casey thought they would attend dinner together. Casey thought she and Alex had been dating for well over a month now.
Casey had been pining over the blonde since she started at SVU, months after she finally got the courage to ask her out. She’d be damned if she let some man get in the way of her new and all-encompassing escapade.
The two were deeply involved in conversation, Alex even letting out one of her real laughs which were typically reserved for Casey. The man was short, barely making it to Alex’s shoulder. Alex standing at five-foot-ten meant that many men fell short compared to her. Did she like that? Was it a power thing? Casey was almost directly Alex’s height– just barely hitting five-ten on a good day.
He wore a smart suit with a crisp blue shirt and a striped tie. He looked well-off, the suit tailored to fit him perfectly. His dark black hair combed back, letting a single strand fall forward– he was meticulous.
Casey couldn't stand it; the laughing, the brushing of hands, the whispering and sharing of secrets, it was all too much.
She made her way over, silently seething, but holding it back the best she possibly could. When she got close to them, it made her sick how his cologne and Alex’s perfume mingled in the air. Two rich scents intertwining as one.
Casey tightened the front of her maroon suit before reaching out a hand:
“Casey Novak, ADA working white collar crimes ,” she said, using her full title to, I don't know… intimidate him? Show him that she could be rich and important and smell like vanilla mahogany and a freshly pressed suit too?
He smiled, seemingly unaware of her strained attitude.
“George Huang,” he shook her hand gently. “FBI.”
“George, you’ll scare her. He’s working psychiatry at SVU,” Alex joked, shoving his shoulder gently. “This is a work party, no place to flash your FBI badge.”
George laughed, seemingly used to Alex’s teasing. How long had this been going on?
“I’ll make my rounds,” he said, reaching over to squeeze Alex’s hand. “Save me a spot at the table? Don’t leave me with the psychiatric department, please.” He joked, Alex immediately nodding and agreeing.
“I always do,” she rolled her eyes. “You can hide in the corner spot between me, Olivia, and Warner.”
They shared another brief laugh, Casey facing her body away to fully roll her eyes and rub a hand across her forehead.
When he left to socialize, Casey linked an arm around Alex’s waist.
Alex raised a brow. “In public? You’re not typically one for PDA.”
“I can be,” she objected, kissing her cheek chastely.
Alex briefly leaned into the touch, keeping her posture and persona professional. It wasn't like how she was when they were alone– Alex was colder, her usual ice-queen .
When the food was brought out, Alex indeed did put her suit jacket on the back of a seat to reserve for George. The act was so colloquial, Casey felt sick.
What kind of womanizer is integrated into a group of all women? The ADA, the best SVU detective, the most talented M.E in the city– he damn-near collected them all!
“Why doesn't George sit with some male friends in the psychiatry department?” Casey quipped genuinely, but Alex only laughed it off. She wasn't really joking.
“He says they all need psychiatric care. The men especially– apparently they all have this grand ego. He always sits with us since he practically lives at SVU with how much Cragen trusts his experience.”
Great. So now Alex’s boss also viewed him as some mastermind?
“I just feel like he–”
“Just in time!” George appeared, sliding in and giving Olivia and Melina a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re a lifesaver, Lex.”
He reached across to grab a bread starter, Casey could only stare, mouth agape. Lex? No one called her Lex! Casey had never ever heard of the nickname. Alex wasn't short enough for Alexandra he had to drop the A?
Casey knew that she didn't belong in the group– she was younger, worked white collar crimes, she didn't fit into the conversation here. They talked about past cases, Alex almost turned in a way that completely iced her out from the table. Alex’s hand rested on her thigh, but it wasn't enough to ease Casey’s worries.
She got up suddenly, chair scraping across the ground loudly. The group and a few others turned to face her and find the source of the noise.
Casey left for the bathroom, walking quickly and not looking back.
She leaned over the sink. She wished she wasn't she jealous. She wished she fit in better. She just wanted to–
“Case?”
Casey whipped around to see Alex. She relaxed her posture, facing her, but not meeting her eyes.
“Casey, what’s wrong?” Alex said, increasingly worried. She placed a finger under Casey’s chin, asking for eye contact.
“It’s not stupid if you’re upset, baby, you’ve been off all night,” Alex combed her hand across the back of Casey’s head, smoothening it.
“It’s… George.”
“George?” Alex’s brow furrowed at the unexpected turn.
“You two have been flirting all night! He’s all over you! “Oh, Alex, thank you soo much for reserving me a seat,” she made an exaggerated kissy noise. “You’re such a talented ADA, and I’m such a great FBI agent, let’s have smart babies!”
Alex let out a choked laugh, covering her mouth. “He’s not an FBI agent.”
“That’s what you heard out of all that?”
“God, Casey, you really don’t know do you?”
Casey squinted at her nonchalant nature. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Alex pulled Casey’s sleeve to align her with the door before slowly pulling it open just a crack so she could see the table where the group was sitting.
Huang, Melina, and Olivia all stared appreciatively at the male waiter. Melinda making eyes, Olivia fanning herself, and Huang making a whistling noise.
“He’s… gay?” She sputtered, disbelieving.
“Shh!” Alex said, shutting the door. “It’s no secret, but you’re shouting.”
“Sorry,” she ran a hand through her hair. “You’re serious?”
“Case, darling, your gaydar is horrendous, seriously,” she said, laughing while she scolded the redhead.
“Okay, one minor blunder,” she rolled her eyes.
“You thought I was straight until I practiced eye-fucked you at the hearing.”
Casey blushed a deep red. “That’s irrelevant.”
“Overruled,” Alex muttered, yanking the door open.
When they made their way to the table, Casey sheepishly sat down. The group acknowledged her, Huang, a knowing look in his eyes.
“So..” she started, Huang’s brow raising. “Did you see they put Lady Gaga’s VMA performance back on YouTube?”
Author's Note: This got super out of hand with the length- I think this is the longest fanfiction I've ever written. Hope you enjoy it, though <3 ~16k+ words
Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff. I like the idea of Alex being neurodivergent in some way, even if she doesn't know it herself, so some of her self-descriptions will come off that way.
Summary: Alex wants desperately to be able to relax like she sees her colleagues doing, and a night watching a coworker she has her eye on- Casey Novak- might present itself as the opportunity to get what she wants.
Porcelain dolls strung up by small transparent strings were significantly less rigid than Alex Cabot currently felt. How she usually felt, even.
High-class family, posh preparatory school, strategically made connections rather than real relationships were all she grew up knowing. Everything had a meaning, a purpose, a reason for why it was so, and that also applied to every detail of her appearance and demeanor must similarly be intentional. She grew up internalizing that, and thus, as an adult she utterly lacked the ability to let her spine curve into a natural slump, to lay in bed without wondering what it would look like to a non-existent observer, to kiss someone in a way that focused on the intimacy rather than the shifted facade that she displayed in order to appear desirable.
It felt inhuman. She really hated it. The feeling she coped with daily made her skin crawl as if it was begging to be torn off to reveal a real person behind it instead of the ever-complicating mask.
It was especially noticeable to her on days like these, where a high-profile case had just been absolutely devoured by her colleague, Casey Novak, so the squad room was positively thrumming with excitement and a collective sense of triumph. Olivia, the one Alex had made a habit of perching herself by, was currently at the corner store to pick up a bottle of something to share, so the attorney was standing almost aimlessly against the brunette detective's desk. Across the desk was Stabler, in his respective chair, looking up at Casey who had chosen to place herself on the edge of his desk. Munch was in his rolly-chair, with Tutuola leaning over the back of it, Cragen standing stiffly but not uncomfortably near the commotion like a proud father.
"And that absolutely little weasel of a man-" Casey chirps, as much as a voice as low as hers could sound like a chirp, interrupted by a bark of laughter from Stabler, "Sorry, that boot-licking short ass bottom-feeding rodent-"
"Casey!" Stabler admonished, although his eyes were shining with amusement, and the faux blonde woman laughed and swatted at him half-heartedly.
"Yes, okay, I'll mind my manners. The defense counselor, before the trial, told me that because I'm pretty if I want after the duration of court he'll give me some tips on improving- and now I won, and when he was walking out, I managed to shoot him a smile and say 'if you want any tips, just call Novak at the DA's office'- I thought he was going to deck me right there-"
Casey's storytelling is rewarded with a roar of laughter from the men, her face shining with victory and the aftereffects of a battle well fought, and Alex can't help but find her beautiful. Casey Novak was anything but rigid, and Alex wished she was more like that- even if Casey's temper did get her in trouble more frequently than one would wish.
"Okay, well, don't let your victory get you all haughty, I'm still going to kick your ass tonight." Stabler snorts, after the laughter had died down, which sends Casey into a refreshed cascade of giggles.
"You? Kick my ass? Oh, you wish."
"Wait," Alex cuts in, everyone's eyes flickering to her as if they were slightly off guard that she was still following the conversation, "what's this about kicking each other's asses?"
"I'm going to hand Stabler his balls on the softball field tonight-" Casey starts before Stabler swings at her playfully and she gets distracted by shooting him a playful warning look. Alex forgot how much they acted like siblings sometimes, but the way they seemed to bounce off each other and banter so smoothly made them seem like twins. She could very easily imagine them in early teens kicking each other under a dining room table.
"Recently we've all started getting together to play softball together," Stabler interjects, granting Alex a serious response, "after big cases on the weekends we get together with some other cops and some other lawyers at night. Good way to blow off steam if justice isn't served or good way to celebrate if we do."
“It used to be a big thing, there were inter-department tournaments at the DA’s office or whatever, but now us who liked it so much just play for the hell of it, and also against the cops.” Casey nods, finally done with Stabler after managing to flick him in the middle of the forehead with her finger, which he glares at her for.
"And us who don't play softball get drunk while watching 'em." Munch says, leaning back in his swivel, with Tutuola adding a nod from just above him.
Alex bit her tongue, blinking in mild surprise. Back before she had 'died', they had gone to bars together to celebrate such things, and she didn't know any of them had really had any penchant for sports outside of Stabler occasionally mentioning his daughter's soccer or basketball results. She certainly had no clue Casey was apparently formidable enough on a softball field to hold on against a built detective such as Stabler.
"Speaking of drunk, I'm back." Olivia announces, strolling into the precinct once more, finding her way to stand beside Alex while cradling two bottles of some discounted wine, holding one up as evidence.
"Oh I got the worst fucking hangover from that shit-" Fin fires off immediately, who then gets silenced by a snort from Olivia, and the warm atmosphere is immediately resumed, Novak and Stabler beginning to chatter about proper swinging technique and which one of them was doing it wrong while Munch, Benson, and Tutuola start arguing over alcohol. Alex felt rather out of place.
Tone switching over to something light and banter-y was usually a bit difficult for her after grueling caseloads, and today especially she was just done. She didn't want to leave, though, she didn't want to be alone or god forbid find company with other stiff-necked attorneys to chat with hollow words about unnecessary topics, but involving herself in this easy exchange- especially since she wasn't entirely sure if she was invited- was hard.
"Oh, how about you join us, Alex?" Olivia suddenly exits her own argument to turn towards the blonde, her face soft the way it usually was when it came to her. "I know it's not your type of thing, probably, but it would be nice to have you there."
Her voice is earnest, and Alex had been wishing someone would invite her to accompany the drinkers, so although she entertained the puppy-eyes Benson made at her for a few seconds longer than necessary she did ultimately accept.
"Does this mean we can put bottles of something more worth drinking on Cabot's platinum card?" Munch mutters, pushing his dark glasses up the bridge of his nose, and Alex snorts.
"Tough luck, but if we go to a bar after I'll carry a round."
Olivia's head whips around and stares pointedly at Casey, firing off a quick, "No tequila," to which Casey makes the most indignant face Alex could possibly imagine on the copper-headed woman.
"Hey, that was not my fault- and also only once-" Casey defends, and Stabler starts laughing, slapping his fist on the table.
"Do you remember the whole thing with that-"
"Yes," Casey snaps, "I'm sure mostly everyone does, and if they don't then-"
"Casey, Alex wouldn't know." Olivia says lightly, elbowing the mentioned blonde, "Come on, Alex, aren't you curious? We should retell this for your sake, right?"
Alex's icy blue eyes met Casey's dense green ones, and she was momentarily indecisive. She wasn't friends with Novak, and she wasn't going to pretend that she was, as much as she enjoyed watching the copper-headed attorney play with the coworkers she was genuinely close to. She wanted to know, but as soon as she saw the guard up in Casey's posture, the way that Alex's rigid demeanor was mirrored immediately by the younger woman, she faltered.
Alex was stiff. Her spine was held to an excessively intentional angle. Even though to everyone else she seemed almost as natural as the rest of them, learned iron in her veins commanded her to be a degree of rigidness that came close to robotic. And Casey was the farthest thing from imperceptive.
In the courtroom, it was necessary to shoot the same metaphorical bullet as the one that had been fired at you, and Casey did nothing short, her vertebrae stacking above one another as she readjusted herself, jaw growing more firm, her eyes flickering to become hard and sharp in a way that would almost seem predatory had it not been for Alex's recognition that this was entirely procedural for the younger attorney. Alex knew in her head too that if she was interacting with someone else like this, she'd have done the same thing.
Lawyers had a way of exchanging thoughts without verbalization, and Casey and Alex were currently having an odd back-and-forth that happened within a fraction of a second completely unbeknownst to the rest of the room. Casey registered the swirl of thoughts in Alex's mind and her inability to formulate a response in time to seem natural, and with the ball in her court, decided to give the blonde attorney an out.
"Okay, fine," she huffed, as though she was actually unwilling to share, despite the fact she was fully aware Alex would not have moved to force her to and she could easily tamp down or distract the eager detectives, "long story short, Olivia and I started fighting, and she made a jab about me no longer being white collar's youth prodigy, so I tried.. to prove how youthful I still was- er, still am."
Alex wrinkled the tip of her nose, pursing her lips to stop from laughing at that, and Casey twitched an eyebrow jokingly before shaking her head.
As soon as her head turned, the copper-headed attorney decided to release the inelastic facade she had just momentarily constructed, leaning backward once more. To the eye of the others, nothing that demanded the level of thought that had just been executed had come close to occurring.
The older attorney wasn't entirely sure how to reward Casey for her kindness in that exchange, but she felt like she should. She made a mental note that she owed Casey something- perhaps if the copper-headed woman snarked at her sometime in the future, she'd let it go without question, or some similar social grace. Her uncle has drilled in the 'advice' that one never forgets what they owe another, lest suddenly be surprised when the other expects to collect.
"She ended up kissing this random blonde woman who was going through a divorce." Munch supplied helpfully, who earned a glare from Casey in return, and the seconds returned to passing at a more natural rate rather than the slowed pace Alex had just felt like they moved in. The conversation was resumed.
"No, the bad part wasn't even that she made out with her, but the fact her flirting consisted entirely of legal jargon-" Olivia filled in, and Alex snorted softly as Casey's head whipped in the other direction to glare at her instead.
"Okay, okay, listen- first of all, she was not a random woman, her name was Jane and we did keep in contact for the duration of her vacation here-" Casey raised a finger, cutting Liv off, "and if you understood any sort of vocabulary past fifth grade, it would have made perfect sense to you."
Alex paused, deciding this was probably a point at which a response was required to reestablish her presence so she could stop relying on Olivia to make her involved, "Well, it does seem like a- ... youthful thing to do?"
Casey's jaw fell slightly agape, and then she closed it with a huff. "Okay, well. Olivia's just pissed because I can actually involve myself with women."
"I'm not gay!" The brunette protested indignantly, to which Casey and Elliot exchanged a look that read as what-is-she-on.
Olivia was silenced for a moment, bristling, before extending her arm to rest on Alex's. "Alex, help me out, us straight girls need to stick together with all this-"
"Straight?" Alex questioned, an uncomfortable chuckle in her throat, "Olivia, you didn't know I'm-?"
"What?!" Olivia cried, straightening immediately, not affronted but apparently incredibly surprised, which Alex internally sighed at, only to be distracted by a low whistle from Casey that she decided not to respond to.
Internally, Alex was grappling with the new information that Casey was sapphic. She was too, although she understood why Liv hadn't known, she wasn't super forthright with her identity- but Casey?
After a moment's contemplation, she realized that this actually made a lot of sense and she felt mildly stupid for not having realized on her own.
"Yeah," Stabler says after a pause, "I think this is our cue to get going to the softball diamond before Liv has her whole am-i-gay breakdown right here in the squad room."
The rag-tag group collectively nods, shuffling for possessions, with Olivia still apparently on edge and lost in an internal conversation with herself about the possibility of homosexuality. After a few more moments of collecting items or putting things into respective places, and after Casey pats Olivia sympathetically on the shoulder, they begin to head out to the parking lot.
Alex clicked the key to her Cadillac, briefly pausing to obtain the address of the sports place as well as a time, since a few people wanted to drop by home to discard professional belongings or change, and because a few members of the DA's teams were still in session, before studying the exits of her colleagues.
Tutuola and Munch separate to respective vehicles, with Olivia being given a ride by Stabler as usual, and Casey splitting off from the group entirely to unlock her bike. Cragen excuses himself with the explanation that he's not going to meet up with the rest of them, he doesn't play softball nor does he drink so he's spending a nice night in instead.
Everyone's method of transportation seemed in some way reflective of themselves. Munch's windows were so tinted Alex was vaguely concerned about the potential illegality of it and Fin's car is beat up in a way that shows he doesn't abide by the physics of curbs. Olivia and Elliot's carpooling constantly served as a testament to their bond as detectives, and Casey...
"I still can't believe you actually bike here every morning. While wearing the suit? Jesus." Stabler bantered, leaning on the hood of his own car while watching Casey fumble with the lock on her bike.
"Well," she replied in a curt rasp, straightening, "that's why my legs are toned and yours would snap under water pressure-" she stopped to point at him almost accusingly, "and don't get me started on cardiovascular health."
Olivia drags Elliot into his car before the two start bickering again, and that leaves Alex watching Casey out of the corner of her eye as the attorney fixes her bike locks to the luggage rack before swinging one leg over the seat and taking off, her chin nestled in her scarf, her mid-length hair swirling behind her.
For a second too long, she lingers, but then Alex climbs into her cold car, groaning slightly at the feeling of the stiff leather on her back, before driving without picking out a destination. She didn't have anything she felt uncomfortable leaving in her car, nor did she have anything to pick up, so going to her penthouse was somewhat pointless. However, with about an hour until the designated time, staring out the window at the city streets far below seemed more interesting than staring at said streets on the ground level while seated aimlessly in her car, so she went home.
The elevator opened directly into her apartment, so she needed to use her key in the elevator pad itself, and when she did and the doors opened she dropped her briefcase right next to the door- it fell exactly the same way it would've if she had intentionally placed it, which makes her mildly irritated.
She didn't bother to kick off her shoes, placing herself on the couch in her apartment, and staring blankly at the wall. Her spine was straight, her legs angled to the side in the way her mother had taught her to make them look longer, her hands folded in her lap. Her apartment felt desolate. Her skin crawled.
She tried to focus on something- anything, really, in her apartment- but all she was met with was cold, smooth marble that her eyes slid off of. Plaquettes held her accomplishments that suddenly felt utterly pointless, framed pictures of her family or college friends that seemed impersonal. She couldn't keep a plant alive and she had never actually gone decor shopping herself, so the place was devoid of color, only shades of grey.
Alex groaned and placed her hands over her eyes under her glasses, tilting her spine backward until it hit the back of the sofa. It felt wrong, everything felt wrong, and her skin felt like it was crawling, her bones turning and burning inside her like she imagined cement would feel. It was uncomfortable in a way that wasn't painful- but that didn't stop her from fixating on the discomfort immensely.
The attorney rolled to the side, swinging her heels up onto the couch, one hand cradling her head and the other reaching to tug off her glasses. Strangely, in the dim blue lighting of the sun setting behind heavy clouds, her mind shifted to the opposite of said cold color- it landed on the shade of Casey's hair.
In the DA's office or in court when they crossed paths, Casey was stiff in the way every lawyer Alex had ever encountered was. The degree of rigidness that was learned by years of constant practice of saying and acting exclusively in intentional ways. Still, though, her eyes were always warm, in a way lawyer's eyes seldom were. But when she relaxed, which she was able to do, unlike Alex, she was simultaneously the same and also a completely different person.
She'd be lying to say she didn't know Casey was athletic- despite her unaware that she played softball, or was to any degree interested in her own physique the way her exchanges with Stabler today suggested- Alex had let her eyes linger on the other woman's arms on occasion in warmer environments when the redhead rolled her sleeves up. Her mind constructed the image of running her finger along the toned curve of her forearm, up her arm, and towards the delicate curve of her neck. In her imagination, Casey's skin was warm, and it only warmed further at Alex's motion. When she met Casey's olive-colored eyes, she was already looking back at her, eyes only half-lidded.
She felt her own cheek flush in her palm, and she sat up, shaking off the thought, but the sensation of warmth in her cheeks and the imagined feeling in the pad of her fingertip was enough to pull her off the couch, to the bathroom, where she took off the makeup she had done for court, tugging her suit jacket off, fumbling off her belt.
She wanted out of the porcelain, out of her skin for a night. She had seen the way Casey's guard had flickered up when she had faced her in the squad room, holding a mirror to the rigid body across from her, and she wanted out. The solution to that was to try to force the stiffness out of her soul so Casey wouldn't have any such thing to mirror. She had a reputation to uphold with the rest of the squad, with Liv and with Stabler, but Casey was more perceptive than Liv was- at least when it came to her- and she felt as though she knew enough to play it safe while still getting what she wanted. It would be an issue if Liv or Stabler or any of the other detectives or such lost respect for her professional standing. She was diligent, and hardworking, and she valued that about herself immensely, and she was not about to make the mistake of letting that persona fumble for a night’s activity. But still, she wanted a night where her skin felt like it belonged to her. If Casey's eyes didn't harden when she looked at her, maybe that would be close enough.
Her formal attire was replaced quickly, boot cut jeans instead of her slacks and although she didn't remove her white blouse she layered it with a loose sweater. She ran her fingers through her hair, intentionally messing with it, before nodding with satisfaction at her now slightly more casual appearance. The collar of her blouse sticking up through the neckline of her sweater was enough to not shift the persona the detectives identified with her, but she decided it was enough. It was enough that her uncle would click his tongue at her for wearing jeans while around a colleague.
She then proceeded to sit almost aimlessly on her couch again, drumming her fingers on her lap while waiting for the time to elapse so she could go to the softball field without being the first one there. In her mind, she debated writing up some notes or preparing for a case in the coming week, but she knew if she went back into lawyer mode it would just be worse trying to shake it off again. Unfortunately for her, as a kid all her hobbies were dictated- fencing, equestrian, ballroom dance and such, and since she never really grew attached to any of them and then failed to procure a hobby or pastime in her adult life, she didn't have much else to do.
Her phone chimed and she picked it up, assuming it would be something idle or law-related, only to find a text from a number she recognized, her heart thrumming insistently when it realized whose message she was currently reading.
Casey Novak→ Hello Alex, this is Casey (Novak, the one you work with, in case you know another)
Casey Novak→ Apologies for jumping this on you, but any chance we could carpool tonight? My bike is having a technical issue I can't be bothered with fixing it currently.
She waited a couple seconds before answering with,
← Seems doable. Send me your address?
Casey responded to that within a minute and Alex exhaled, mentally registering where that was, before standing up. With the detour of picking up Casey as well as the fact it doesn't really matter if she's early now because she's accompanying a player, she feels soothed to leave soon.
← Would you find it alright if I came in about a half hour?
Casey Novak→ More than alright, you have my thanks
← I'm more than happy to help.
After a pause, the message goes on read, and Alex doesn't really know what she had expected as a response. Mildly discontented, she put her phone down.
If she wasn't about to be driving, she would drink a glass of wine, but alas that was quite literally the point so she could not indulge herself. She pondered briefly the logistics of getting drunk when she was at the softball diamond, but worst comes to worst she’d just have to taxi. And, she supposed, would have to take Casey also in said taxi.
She felt her jaw grow a bit firmer at the constant resurfacing of Casey Novak in the back of her mind. Alright, sure, now they actually had plans and she was picking her up, so it made sense. But still. It wasn't exactly unlike her to develop random infatuations, desires to knock people she admired and simultaneously was irritated by down a peg, god knows the mistake with Jim Steele- but… Casey seemed… different.
Her heart muttered that Casey seemed warm and alive and her skin seemed soft and she was entirely unlike anyone Alex had ever grown attached to, Casey was not a power play, Casey was not a mind game. Casey was Casey. Alex didn't really understand what that meant.
She clicked her tongue to herself and then decided that no, she would not pursue anything with Casey. She had been toying with the idea of making that dream of tracing up Casey’s forearms with her fingertips a reality, perhaps as a flirty joke she could pass off as drunken boldness. But now her heart started to fumble in her chest at the thought, and not only in a good way. She wasn't exactly sure why her mind was suddenly reeled in the polar opposite direction of what she had been fantasizing about only a couple of minutes ago, but now she felt mildly stressed. Her skin crept little patterns on her nerves like ants blacking out a lamp, eating through power cords.
Maybe the fact she didn't really understand Casey is what sent little alarm bells ringing in her mind. To pursue meant to trust and to trust meant she had to know it all. She felt like she knew essentially nothing.
Sometimes Alex really wished she was less self-aware. She analyzed every thought or feeling she had like it was someone else’s, and therefore frequently felt as though she was drowning in someone else’s brain when in reality she was still sitting on her couch in her apartment in her clothes in her- supposedly her- skin.
It was time to leave now, anyway, so she cut herself off from her own train of thoughts to stand, and collect some items in one of her more used purses in case alcohol was split, it got snatched, or some other random misfortune that may occur to a handbag. Once she was pleased with her level of preparation she double-checked the contents one last time- car keys, one of her more mildly used wallets, phone, power bank, medical emergency kit, a notepad, a block of sticky notes, her pager, and a pen. She pulled a scarf on as an afterthought, not entirely sure if the temperature would drop as it got dark out but decided not to take that risk.
With that, she left her penthouse, standing stiffly in the elevator on the way down, staring at herself in the reflective wall the metal box had. Hmm.
Within twenty minutes, and exactly on time to the thirty minutes she had offered Casey earlier, she was parked on the street outside Casey’s address, looking up at a rather elegant brownstone. Sometimes she mused to herself that the modern aesthetic of her apartment complex far outranked the sort of shabby, oftentimes falling apart older buildings, but this seemed.. it seemed vaguely Elysian. She approved of it.
← I’m outside
Casey Novak → I’m sorry, I’m running a little late. Would you like to come up? I’ll buzz you in.
← I can wait in my car, I don't want to intrude.
Casey Novak → I’ll feel better if you just come on in. I’m inviting you. Please.
Alex blinked at that message, slowly typing out,
← Okay, then. If you're sure.
She exited her car with a furrow in her brow, locking the vehicle, and then continuing the steps up to the doorbell placard, where she found Novak’s name printed in a thin, flat font. She pressed the small silver button next to it, making a mental note of the floor and roughly which door it should be based on doorbell placement. A startling buzzing sound went off that Alex was thankfully prepared for, and she pushed open the frankly unnecessary large wood door. She traveled up the steps, to the third floor, deciding that she should start exercising more often if going up only three floors already had her inhaling a bit sharper, and she didn't need to wander reading the names next to the ringers because Casey’s door was open ajar and she was peeking her eye through the crack.
Alex caught a glimpse of Casey’s smile through the small opening, before the copper-headed woman disappeared in a flash, waving Alex in. She did as instructed, closing the door behind her tentatively. Immediately, she could not see Casey in her own apartment.
“Sorry,” the woman called, “I decided I wanted to shower beforehand so I need to straighten my hair again. That's why it's taking me a minute. Just sit down wherever you like, I’ll be done in just a second.”
“You straighten your hair?” Alex asked curiously, standing awkwardly in the foyer. Although Casey had instructed her to sit, she couldn't imagine pulling a chair out anywhere or settling herself on the younger attorney’s couch.
Inhaling deeply, she resigned to studying Casey's apartment interior with interest.
The interior walls were a smooth ivory, the floorboards a dark wood that matched the accents- the window and door frames, the stairs. Casey’s apartment was a lot more vertical than her own- where Alex had half of a floor, so her apartment was wide horizontally as well as deep, the walls were only a couple of feet on each side in the entry hallway and Alex couldn't imagine the rooms being, well, anywhere as large as her’s. But somehow, the comparison did not change the charm of the apartment.
Perhaps that had something to do with the atmosphere. It smelled like sandalwood and caramel, and the walls were lined with memorabilia- which Alex considered briefly was strange, because Casey's desk and office were almost barren considering some of the other workstations she had seen. She skimmed over smiling faces, Casey with dozens of people she’d see in this photo and never again. Casey with a little girl propped up on her hip, holding a little boy by the hand on a beach, all three smiling at the camera, but in a way that made it seem like it was almost unintentional, like someone had captured a moment in a camera which usually only existed in fond memory. Casey kissing a man with short brown hair, her arms, which seemed slightly thinner in the photo than Alex had grown to know them, (although the woman was always slim,) wrapping around his shoulders. She looked younger, happy, smiling into the kiss, and he did too. Probably during college, Alex mused. Casey’s finger, resting lovingly on his shoulder, was adorned with a silver band. Alex blinked.
She chided herself to move on with her inspection. Whoever this person was, it didn't seem like they were still in her life, unless Casey had been cheating on him with ‘Jane’. Stabler didn't take well to cheaters, so Alex really doubted that. She wasn't sure what the thrum of her heart was meant for- so she just exhaled. She couldn't drag her eyes away from it, though.
When she inhaled again, she was greeted with the scent of whatever hair products Casey was currently employing. It dragged her out of her thoughts, and it made her twinge with guilt at the thought of analyzing Casey’s history through her personal pictures. Casey was kind enough to be undeserving of an inspection.
There was no door between the foyer and the kitchen, so Alex turned to focus on that instead, her blue eyes skimming over what appeared to be a sourdough starter. Music played quietly out of some surround sound speaker, somewhere, something idle, and indie.
The dark brown of the floor was complimented well by the constant appearance of plants- not flowers, but succulents or similar. Apparently, Casey was in the middle of repotting one, because the table had a large tray with items that would suggest that.
“Oh, sorry about that-” Casey mused, appearing suddenly next to her, “I was trying to swap out pots for that one- roots were getting too big, you know, but then I got buzzed for a warrant this morning and dropped it.”
She smelled really good, and Alex wasn't happy that that was the first thing she noticed, but she did. Casey’s perfume, which Alex had noted a couple of times in the DA’s office, had just been freshly reapplied, and her hair was perfect in a way that only lasted a couple of moments after styling it. She looked in a way that Alex could only describe as warm.
Casey was dressed in a blue softball jersey that had ‘Sex Crimes’ bolded on the front in a lacy font and tracksuit pants. The usual frustration carried in her eyes and eyebrows was gone entirely, replaced with lights of excitement that showed in the way she held her hands and smiled. She wasn't wearing any makeup, only a dark lip balm that Alex now wanted to know the brand of.
“And yes,” Casey said, replying to Alex’s comment from a moment ago, despite it having felt like an eternity since then to Alex, “I do have to straighten my hair. Not all of us can be blessed with locks like yours, Miss Cabot.”
Ignoring the teasing nature of her voice as she said Alex’s more formal name, the blonde still lifted her eyebrows as if pained and shot her a look. “Please never call me ‘Miss Cabot' again- It’s just Alex to you.”
“Alright, ‘just Alex’-” Casey said, with an amused huff, before turning and waving at her abode, “verdict? You seemed interested.”
“I-” Alex pursed her lips. Casey was not stupid. If she hadn't been interested, she would've sat down like Casey had initially instructed or been on her phone, or been staring off into space. “I like it. You have a very lovely apartment. It suits you.”
“Thank you.” Casey smiles, pleased, before glancing back down at the houseplant activity. “It would feel better if I had gotten to finish this, though. My mom insists I keep them all.”
“Why?”
“You know how in law school, you’d stay shut in all the time, sleep at horrible hours, and keep the blinds drawn? She bought me a million plants and kept making me show her they were still alive to make sure I was airing my dorm and letting sunlight in. And that I was looking up from my laptop at least for a minute a day.” Casey snorts, but she seems fond of my memory. “I guess she doesn't really insist I keep them anymore. She hasn't checked, anyway. But I got used to it. I swapped out her delicate plants for succulents, though, because I forget to water them sometimes. I’m not here very much.”
“Your mother seems like an attentive woman,” Alex comments, watching as Casey’s eyes grow momentarily heavy, staring still at the plant, before she blinked it off.
“I’ve been blessed,” she answers smoothly instead, “with a wonderful family.”
There's an awkward beat of hesitation, where neither knows what to say, before Casey exhales and forces a smile. “Have you eaten anything? If you're going to drink with Tutuola, you probably need something to eat. And I need to grab my gear and such. If we leave now, we’d still be significantly early.”
“I had breakfast-” Alex starts, before seeing Casey raise an eyebrow at her, “but it was a large one, Casey, I’m not trying to tear up your kitchen.”
“Sweet or savory?” Was the other woman’s only response as she strolled into her kitchen, opening cabinets and ruffling through items.
“I don't have the time to make you something properly right now, but God help it if I let you leave here without eating something.”
Alex stood uncomfortably in the doorway to the kitchen, a small unsure frown on her face, so Casey shot her a pointed look, walked over, grabbed her arm, lightly guided and then shoved her into a chair, and then went back to trying to find something to offer her.
“You seem,” Casey looked at her as if studying her brain through her skull, “as though you’d have a sweet tooth.”
“Why do you say that?” Alex looked at her, slightly indignant. Outside of being used as a method of intimidation, it was normally rude to brazenly note observations as such in the world she was used to. It was far more polite to make it sound as though it was a question.
But Casey just laughed softly, pulling a box out of the fridge and popping the lid. She fumbled with the contents for a few seconds. In the chair Casey had set her down in, Alex could not see what it was until Casey approached, holding a dessert fork in one hand with her other carrying a plate with a generous portion of red velvet cake.
“Fancy ass cake for a fancy ass lady. I made this yesterday, so I think it's still fine to serve you, even if the frosting set a bit more than I prefer. You don't have to eat it all, but I hope you at least try it.”
With that, and not even waiting for a thank you, Casey brushed past, going to collect her sports gear. Alex felt like her head was spinning slightly with the lack of normal procedure. She was being left alone to eat cake in Casey’s apartment? Wasn't the redhead worried she would- well, Casey had commented on the fact she knew Alex was borderline snooping, but to leave her alone after that? How trusting was she? Unless this was some sort of test.
Alex decided to proceed as if it were. What would Casey be testing? How much Alex trusted her? Maybe she thought Alex wouldn't eat food a stranger gave her, well- not entirely stranger, but still. But she couldn't fault her for that, could she? Regardless, Alex wasn't like that anyway. Maybe she was testing if Alex was too prudish to eat what she had provided. That sent a small jolt down her spine- she really didn't want Casey to think she was a snob- so she lifted the fork and in small, precise movements separated a small piece from the slice.
As soon as she felt it on her tongue, she immediately broke off a much larger portion to follow it with. Fuck. It was delicious.
Soft vanilla cream coated somehow equally soft red velvet generously, but not overwhelmingly, and once Alex separated off the middle she could see it was triple layered. The flavor was delicate, but in a way that made every taste bud in her mouth moan.
If she had to go celibate for the rest of her life to eat something like this again, she just might have to consider that. This was better than sex.
“Grandmother’s recipe,” Casey purred, reappearing with a large duffel slung over her shoulder, leaning in the doorway. “Well, not really, but it was one of the first things she made after she got access to the Internet and all the baking blogs one can find on there.”
Alex was physically startled, too engrossed in her eating to have realized Casey’s presence had reappeared. Casey easily could have murdered her while she was eating cake, and she wouldn't have looked up once.
She pushed the plate as if making to stand up, holding a hand in front of her mouth as her mother had taught her- it was impolite to see people see one chew, after all- but Casey shook her head quickly and took a seat next to her, leaning back, the duffel hitting the floor with a soft thud while Casey stretched out her arms, arched her spine languidly. Alex tried not to let her eyes linger on the soft amount of muscle coating her.
“By all means, I don't mean to interrupt your indulgence.”
Alex sheepishly turned back, pausing only for a fraction of a second before returning to shoveling the cake into her mouth as gracefully as she could. Casey looked very pleased, so that settled her nerves by a fraction. She couldn't and also wouldn't complain about Casey's bemused grin.
“It's- it’s just been a while since I’ve eaten anything this good.” Alex said after a swallow, straightening in her chair a little bit, looking at the remaining bites on her plate as if they were whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
“You look good like this,” Casey said, which Alex’s eyes widened at, blinking up from the cake to Casey, who strangely looked equally delicious, “you're normally so tense. Glad my baking can fix that.”
“I- uhm,”
Casey chuckled at Alex’s fluster, resting her head in her hand. “Just teasing you. But really, I am glad you're enjoying it.”
“How did you learn to bake like this?” Alex murmured, decided to switch tracks since she wasn't very sure what was happening.
The copper-headed woman only shrugged. “You learn in a family as large as mine. I mean, if both of my parents were busy, I’m not about to let all the younger ones go hungry because the older one decided to order something only for herself. And now all my nieces and nephews demand I make them sugary shit when I’m over, so my pastries are decent enough.”
In the back of her mind, Alex was now a bit upset that she couldn't cook. Casey’s reasoning that it was due to her family made sense, but it also twinged Alex’s mind that if her parents were busy and she had nothing to eat, they'd just call for the private chef to come up and make her something nutritious enough. When she was in college, on her allowance, she had just kept ordering delivery. Casey and her seemed to contrast each other notably in that way.
“How many siblings, if I may ask?”
“Four. I have an older sister, and then there was me, and then two twin brothers and my baby sister. Not that she’s much of a baby anymore- she graduated college last year- but still. She'll always be little to me.” Casey exhaled, evidently very fond, before glancing back up. “And you, Alex?”
“I’m- I’m an only child.” Alex said, after a second, and before she could stop herself, “they needed an heir.”
Casey paused, looking up at her thoughtfully, before nodding. “I wished I was an only child a lot growing up. It's different now that I have my own life and everything, but… mm. Families are complicated.”
Alex nodded sagely at that, finally finishing her cake, and then after a small pause asked, “Did you want your own?”
The second she said it, she felt like it was wrong. It was an intrusion, and she was already in Casey’s apartment in Casey’s chair eating Casey's food with Casey's utensils. She was overstepping everything, and she was asking something from Casey she could not possibly believe she was entitled to knowing, without giving her an out.
Casey froze, her eyes icing over. She stared at Alex for a long moment, who now was sure she had done something horribly wrong, but then Casey’s eyes shifted from blank shock to mildly upset.
“Sorry- yes, I did. It didn't work out that way.”
Alex swallowed, and realized this was a decisive moment. She had relaxed, and she had slipped up, and now Casey was rigid, and if she bounced back off of Casey and tensed, she’d never get what she wanted.
So then, biting back her nature and what she was taught to say in such situations, she said softly, “It didn't for me, either.”
The atmosphere shifted entirely, so much it seemed like the colors had changed spectrum. Alex was now used to how fast her colleague could run through emotions and facades, and although that familiarity was from the courtroom, Casey’s demeanor now changing into something almost like solidarity reminded her a lot of it. Casey dropped her momentary coldness as fast as Alex could put down her form, but unlike when Alex changed the face she wore in order to elicit the response she wanted, Casey seemed like she genuinely just had a change of emotion.
“You're still young, Casey,” Alex continued, encouraged by the attorney’s return to warmth, “it’ll happen.”
“Oh, please. Alex. You’re what- two years older than me?” Casey chided, her voice light. “And you're hot as hell, so I’m sure you have suitors.”
“Casey, have you looked in a mirror recently? If I have suitors, you must have a line from here to the DA’s office.”
“Oh, you charmer.” Casey scoffed, but Alex meant it. She slid her hand underneath the now empty plate, bringing it to the kitchen, before picking up her duffel once more. “And now you get to be my driver.”
“I’m honored,” Alex smoothly joked back, collecting her purse and standing up.
She glanced around Casey’s kitchen, then glanced around the foyer, one last time before she followed the redhead out of her apartment. She noted the shift of atmosphere the second she stepped over the doorstep, and internally found herself hoping it wasn’t the last time she was there.
A more sensible part of her brain reminded her just now that she had decided against pursuing Casey, so such thoughts were not worth lingering on. Another part of her brain indignantly riled that she could enter someone’s apartment without any sort of connotation. A third part of her brain wanted to reexamine the circumstances of the decision to blacklist Casey from the possible companion category, while a third sighed loudly and wished they would all shut up. A fourth part snarled that she was not going to allow herself to be vulnerable with this enigma- yes, despite her niceness and her willingness to provide her with cake she still didn't have any grasp on Casey's psyche, so that's what she was- until she had enough to cover her ass if something went wrong. A fifth part just wanted to see Casey smile at her in the kitchen like that again. The fifth part managed to distract most of the others with daydreams.
Casey understood that Alex was in thoughts, so she did nothing to compel a response, although Alex was sure she thought she was musing about family or law or such.
Nothing was said until they reached the front door of the building, which Casey opened and offered, and then resigned to follow Alex to where she had parked. She gave a low appreciative whistle when she climbed into the front passenger seat tugging her duffel down and into the legroom.
“Fuck. I knew from the outside you had a nice car, but… jesus christ, Alex.”
“What? Oh.” Alex glanced behind her as if only just now registering that. It was a nice car. Her Cadillac had been a birthday present from her uncle, especially because her Bentley was sold off after her death. “I- thank you. Well, only the best for you, right? Now that I’m your cabbie.”
She was rather pleased with the hints of a surprised blush forming on Casey's cheekbones. If Casey kept throwing out random compliments at her, she should return that, right?
“It's just because of my bike-…”
“Please. You’re so quick to dish out the teases until I do so?” Alex hummed, amused, and Casey only huffed in response, pointedly looking forward.
Alex set the softball arena as her navigation’s destination, and allows Casey on aux, the same melodious background sound filling the car speakers as they begin on their way. Being the driver is good. If she was the passenger, she’d be darting her eyes too constantly to look at Casey. Casey apparently does not have this struggle.
“So tell me, honestly,” Alex starts, to fill the silence with a topic she knows Casey will yap over, “between you and Stabler, who has the better swing?”
“Me,” Casey says, with absolutely no question in her voice. “Elliot is good- but he’s too used to his job. In softball, most of the swing is supposed to come from the rotation of the shoulders, not the movement of the arm. Elliot relies so much on the idea of punching he doesn't really get that. He tries to push his palms forward and pushes one shoulder down. Besides, I’ve been playing softball for a much longer time than him.”
“How long?” Alex asked, glancing over at her in the passenger seat. Casey was so forthcoming with information- well, yes, Alex had asked, but…
“Since my sophomore year of high school,” Casey answered, “There was this fight involving one of my little brothers and I- well, that's beside the point. Regardless, the coach took me aside the next day, said he’d never seen someone swing like that, and asked me to try out. I did, and that was that.”
Alex let out an exhale that felt like a soft laugh, so Casey quipped in response, “Have you ever played any sports?”
“Fencing,” Alex offered, “and equestrian, for a little.”
“Equestrian?” Casey perked up, “Wow, that's amazing. I’ve always wanted to try riding a horse.”
“I didn't really enjoy it much-” Alex looked over again, and she realized that was a mistake, because Casey was looking at her with such interest in her eyes that Alex felt as though she needed to run for the hills. “I- I… it just wasn't for me.”
“Why not? If I can ask.”
“My instructors had to scold me constantly for being too stiff,” Alex murmured, trying to make it sound lighthearted despite to some degree admitting the biggest self-struggle she had, “when you're on a horse, the horse has to be an extension of you, the same way when you hold a bat- actually, I’m not entirely sure of that, I’ve never played a ball-sport, but- when the muscles of the horse move, you need to adapt and move with it. Otherwise, the horse becomes vexed.”
“So young Alexandra was just being a vex to horses?” Casey chuckled, and Alex tilted her head at the jest.
“But if you tell anyone, they’d never believe you.”
“Oh trust me,” Casey snorted, “I’m not about to let other people know about baby Alex being a thorn in some training horse’s side. That’s something only I get to know.”
“Hey. You just used the adjective ‘young’, and now ‘baby’- am I regressing? And I was more a pain in their back rather than side, unless I very immensely misunderstood where you're supposed to ride horses.”
In reality, the small thrum in her heart that she now associated with the younger attorney was very pleased with the information Casey apparently felt territorial on information regarding her. She couldn't describe to herself why that made her happy, but it did.
“Sigh. ADAs and their technicalities,” Casey shook her head, “and no, I could never accuse you of regression. You only ascend.”
“Good. Quick study, Casey.” Alex purred, the words a bit too soft and a bit too smooth, although she hadn't really thought about it that way until she saw Casey shift and decided she was very pleased she had said it.
It was Casey’s turn to fall into a blushed silence, her eyes fixing suddenly very straight on the road, as if she had never seen New York City before. Alex felt victorious, and she basked in that feeling.
They arrived at the softball field shortly, and as soon as they pulled over in the dirt parking lot and Casey stepped out of the vehicle with her duffel she was essentially jumped by a collection of random people Alex believed she probably had seen previously in the DA’s office- other ADAs, a couple interns. They surrounded Casey eagerly, spouting game talk- apparently feeding Alex cake had delayed her arrival, and she was the last one, so they had been waiting for it. The copper-headed woman gave her an apologetic wave over the shoulder as she was yanked off, and Alex felt uncomfortable. She tried not to feel as though she had just been shunned. If she had spent less time in her intern years sucking up and networking with her uncle and her uncle’s friends, perhaps she would know some of them. Her career was jump-started, she did not have the bond the others seemed to share of watching each other pull themselves up the ladder- despite knowing logically some of them must have also come from nepotism, at least to some degree.
The softball field was fenced in by wired mesh, and ‘softball field’ was really the only way she could describe it, because it was nothing else. There were a couple of bleachers that reminded her of a cheap high school movie- her school had definitely never had anything like that- but otherwise, it was just a meshed-in square in the middle of a flat field, with a large brick box-like building on the side. She spotted Munch already seated on said bleacher, though, and although she didn't know him as well as she knew Olivia, who her mind had been looking for initially, she wandered over.
“Hey,” he greeted her on arrival, motioning to the place next to him, which she tentatively sat down on after her eyes skimmed it to ensure there wasn't a layer of filth (there was, but she ignored it) “Liv's trying to hype up Elliot. He really wants to get Casey back for the last match.”
“What happened in the last match?” Alex muttered, not especially interested but aware she was required to continue the conversation, inspecting the floor of the bleachers for a place to put her purse. She decided directly beneath her was probably the cleanest.
“She- well, nothing exactly. She’s just ridiculously good. Not many of the DA team have her skill, but so long as she’s there she continuously wipes the floor with ‘em. MVP, easy.”
Munch turns to her, almost accusingly. “Oh, you're rooting for that team, aren't you?”
Alex considered that for a moment, then, “I’m rooting for Casey.”
“But, team-wise, you're on our side?”
“I’m just rooting for Casey.”
Well, we had the whole gay talk in the squad room earlier, so-”
“Careful,” Alex chided, cutting him off with a harsh look in her marble blue eyes, “your boyfriend is here.”
Munch looked over with confusion, then saw Tutuola walking towards them, and shot Alex back a glare through his dark glasses. As if on cue, Olivia materialized and plopped herself down next to Alex, handing her a flask and wiping her mouth with the back of her palm indicative of the fact she had just taken a swallow. “El has been given the best pep talk I physically know how to give. If he doesn't win, I’m done showing up to these.”
“Alex is rooting for the enemy while drinking our alcohol,” John fired, but Alex turned to him and, apparently intimidated, he visibly backed off. Olivia just laughed.
Alex took a swig from Olivia’s flask, grimacing at the feeling of vodka burning down her throat, but she took a second swig almost immediately. She already felt uncomfortable, skin prickling and writhing, and being drunk would make it better.
The game began with little issue, and Casey had meant it when she said it wasn't a real tournament so much so as a large group of very competitive friends being cheered on by a large group of friendly drinkers.
She was bored until Casey took the batter’s stand. Alex had absolutely no clue how softball was played, but Casey looked perfect.
It was probably the alcohol talking. Between her and Olivia, they had made quick work of the flask, Liv because she had started to become anxious on Stabler’s behalf, and Alex because she was double-thinking her decision to show up. But if she hadn't shown up, she never would've gone to Casey’s, she never would've gotten that cake and she never would've seen the younger woman's reaction to being told she was good.
And God, Casey was good. Alex watched her sprint, the way she swung so relaxed but so intentionally, completely in her element. It was dark other than the stadium lights, which definitely were not up to standard, but when Alex caught a glimpse of Casey's eyes she could see very clearly the glint of fierce determination.
John Munch had been very correct that the DA’s team- Casey’s teammates, were not comparable to the copper-blonde’s skill. But to that matter, neither were most of the detectives. Alex noted the reality in the way that Stabler swung as if he was trying to hook something instead of swinging a bat- Casey was right- but he still did fairly well.
Not well enough to keep up with Casey.
Every time she hit the ball with a heavy ‘thwack’ that reverberated in Alex’s spine, every time she started darting, long legs stretching out to slide the last meter, the furrow in her brow, the light reflecting off her hair. Alex felt positively dizzy. That last part could very well be from Olivia’s vodka- or so she reminded herself.
She had tied her hair into a bun- Alex mused to herself it was unnecessary for her to have straightened it, then- but it bounced as she walked up to take- no, own the stand. Her lips were pressed into that thin line she made when she was concentrating in the courtroom and was similarly undeniably attractive here, except the corners of her mouth tugged up in a fierce smile. Her movements were fluid and Alex decided that if she would've done well in equestrian, with the way she moved- her intensity was elegant, her movements as refined as a swimmer’s. Alex felt her chest tighten and her heart pounding as she watched, feeling almost greedy for more sight of Casey.
Other than her, she was displeased with essentially everything else. The people next to her were becoming progressively more drunk and more rowdy, cheering and applauding and calling out encouragement or jests to active players, who would yell incoherently back at them. The bleachers had grit stuck in the groves in the aluminum and she mused to herself she’d need to get the pants she was wearing cleaned.
The game simultaneously lasted fucking forever and was much faster than Alex thought it would be. Casey's team won, so Alex had to deal with Olivia huffing and chastising the DA’s team next to her and John giving her a very pointed look, competitive in the way of the observer, that she returned coldly.
Casey didn't come around until the detectives were almost ready to go. Stabler had returned, clenching his jaw after trying to convince a couple people to do some more practice runs with him, and Olivia bolted to her feet to sympathetically pat him on the shoulder. Alex, after a fraction of a second, rose too, and followed. “I don't get how she does that,” He kept grumbling, and Alex had to agree- but her opinion of that was different.
Alex watched out of the corner of her eye as Casey bounced around- literally bounced around, some of the younger interns were literally jumping with the adrenaline and Casey was mimicking it for their benefit- and they hugged each other tight around the shoulders, fluid motions and hearty laughs, until their noses and cheeks were tinted pink with breathlessness. Casey was here celebrating a win- a double win, now- but apparently, some other girl on the team had just lost a major suit according to someone Alex had overheard on the bleachers and the DA’s team was clearly playing on the enthusiasm and adrenaline to cheer her up. Alex watched as Casey grabbed the other lawyer in a tight hug, then pressed a kiss to her cheek, and her stomach fluttered and she looked away very quickly. She hoped no one noticed.
She looked back in time, though, to see Casey shaking the woman off her arm, and that settled the unease in her bones quickly. The other woman held her hand for as long as possible, looking at her with eyes akin to a lost puppy, but Casey only flashed her a bright smile and kept walking, letting her arm fall loosely over to her side as she walked away. She quickened her pace of exit when she saw Alex looking in her direction, jogging over.
“So, Alex?”
“So yourself. You were fantastic.” Alex chimed, and even though Casey was sweaty and was coated in dirt from the floor of the field she extended an arm to give her a half-hug and Casey took it, resting her head on Alex’s shoulder for a moment before letting go.
The others in the group shared similar observations, albeit half-heartedly, while Casey just grinned apologetically at Stabler who stood staring at her blankly. After a moment, the two exchanged a very informal fist bump, and tension eased from Elliot’s broad shoulders.
They chatter about the game for a while, recounting moments of note or teammates that were new or actions that were game-changing, until it was randomly noticed they were the last ones outside, the other legal system workers apparently having moved on to their own after-party that Alex noted Casey apparently had turned down and the other detectives had sullenly collected belongings and dipped.
“So, McMullen’s?” Stabler muttered, “I could use a beer after all this.”
“That's the one all the way near the precinct,” Munch argued, but Alex interjected with, “Let's do it.” That place was familiar- she had grown accustomed to it, and selfishly it was also very close to her apartment. John was left alone in his argument and they all nodded, separating towards cars with the knowledge they’d meet up shortly.
“You may have to drive,” Alex murmured, “I’m above the legal limit. That okay?”
“I get to drive your fancy-ass car? Hell yeah!” Casey cheered, “That's a reward on its own. Come with me, though, I have to grab my things.”
There was a small building off to the side, big enough to serve its only purpose as being a locker room. There were two doors and no windows, effectively a brick block that had no aesthetical component at all, and the lights flickered on as Casey went into one of the doors and hit the light. It kept flickering, though.
Alex stood in the doorway for a second, wrinkling her nose at the smell of very heavy spray deodorant and sweat, but Casey was talking to her, so it felt rude to let the door close separating the two, and after a second Alex stepped in behind her and tugged the metal door closed behind her.
“Did you mean it, though? That in the fourth inning I-”
“Yes, Casey,” Alex interrupted her, “you played very well. I don't say things I don't genuinely stand behind.”
It was rather endearing that Casey wanted her verbal approval, despite the fact Alex was completely aware Casey knew she had played well. She had been getting a stream of compliments and attention from her peers. It made Alex salivate that Casey had chosen to ditch the girl who had reminded her of a dog to talk to her instead. Maybe that was the alcohol talking. Maybe she should keep reminding herself that it was the alcohol talking.
“Hold on- look away, I’m going to change really quickly, and then we can get going.”
Alex felt her cheeks grow warm but she obediently turned on her heel to face the metal door, hearing the tug of a zipper as Casey stripped off her pants, then the rustling of fabric as her shirt came off, and Alex ground her teeth against each other trying not to imagine what was directly behind her. Casey sighed deeply, and Alex bit into her cheek.
She stayed like that, staring bolts of lightning into the door, until she felt Casey tap her shoulder, relinquishing her of the obligation. “Alright. Car keys, counselor?”
Alex pawed them over from her pocket wordlessly and Casey offered her a confused smile but did not press the issue, letting herself out of the locker room and heading towards the car.
She had changed into a white polo shirt, the top two buttons missing to dip and show her distinct collarbones, the cut of the sleeves emphasizing the subtle but firm muscles of her forearms. Beneath it, she carried dark jeans with a leather belt. She hadn't removed her hair from the bun, even though several strands of hair had fallen out near the front, and Alex tried to fixate on the shape of said bun on the back of her head while following her towards her own car.
Her internal monologue was failing to come up with reasons why she shouldn't be allowed to touch Casey's shoulders just a little bit. She could see the groves of muscle through the polo shirt- a little bit, right? Just a little bit?
Alex turned the music up in the car when Casey put it back on so she wouldn't need to make shaky conversation, and Casey seemed content enough with that. The duffel bag had been discarded in the back, Alex now in the passenger with Casey in the driver.
“You seem happy,” Casey commented finally during a lapse in the music- a long outro, or a long intro- and Alex just smiled slyly back at her. She was.
The bar was wonderfully familiar. Alex followed Casey to the booth in the back, the one their group always frequented, and the others were already there, looking up from menus no one really needed because they'd been there so many times everyone already had a signature.
Alex ended in between Olivia and Casey, the brunette on her left towards the wall, and Casey in the gap between her and the end of the couch. Casey struggled slightly- the booth wasn't large enough to accommodate a group of six people, but Alex was more than happy that it forced Casey to try to curve into her side. She didn't move over, didn't try to shove herself against Olivia to make more room for the redhead. With one leg crossed over the other and her shoulder firmly on Alex's, though, Casey made due.
They chirp orders to a bartender who wanders over, Alex graciously agreeing to carry this first round as she had earlier mentioned. Stabler ordered a beer more expensive than the type he normally drank, and Casey shot him a pointed look. He looked mildly apologetic, and Casey rolled her eyes.
John and Fin quickly began chattering about things below Alex’s pay grade, so she turned her attention towards Olivia and Elliot, who were discussing an upcoming event at Stabler’s children’s high school- a fundraiser, or some other such thing- and Casey listened eagerly. Alex stayed mostly quiet, unaware of how to participate in a conversation about public schools and children.
Besides, she had a much larger problem to attend to.
Casey's arm had snuck around her waist and was currently resting on the slight ridge of her hip.
Logically, she could reason that it was because she was intentionally making it more difficult for Casey to sit comfortably, the younger attorney still awkwardly very close to the edge of the faux-leather booth, but still. Her thumb was resting directly on the iliac crest, and if Alex paid close attention it was almost as if Casey was moving it, the rest of her fingers snaking just below it, grasping at the fabric of Alex’s pants. Maybe this was her punishment for enjoying forcing Casey to wriggle and balance on the very end of the seat.
She opened her mouth to join the conversation, but Casey, as though experimenting, ran her thumb in a line across the jut of her hip bone and Alex stiffened on impulse. As soon as Casey felt her spine tense like that, she hastily let go. Alex wished she could ask her to leave her hand there, though.
Why are you thinking like that, she internally chastised herself, Alex, you don't- you said you wouldn't try to do anything with… but she’s pursuing you, now, isn't she?
“Yes, Alex?” Olivia asked with a note of confusion, and she realized she had made to speak and then lost herself in thought. She didn't really remember what she was going to say, though. Her jaw was still open, but she just snapped it shut and shook her head quickly with a ‘never mind’.
Casey's hand did not return for the rest of the hour or so spent chatting at the bar, despite Alex’s struggling attempts at manifesting. She was uncomfortable, now, not because of Casey, but because of Casey's absence. She was pressed so close to her side but somehow it felt as though Alex had messed up, prematurely rejected her, and that something would shift in the dynamic now. The itch and ache behind her skin got progressively worse as she tried to mask her anxiety behind the mask, when really all she wanted to do was talk to Casey. The copper-headed woman’s conversations always included either Olivia or Stabler or Munch, though, and there was never a moment in which Alex could separate her off to start a banter or a hushed conversation between the two of them alone. So, mostly, Alex just sat there, watching her coworkers indulge in the moment while feeling isolated and cold. Her spine was not able to relax after Casey’s hand had left.
She started to feel sick with the rigidness of her body. She wanted to peel it off.
“You seem distracted,” Casey murmured lightly, her breath warm over the side of Alex’s face, her mouth precariously close as she leaned her face towards the side of Alex’s jaw, speaking into her ear. Alex hadn't even realized she had moved.
She steeled her eyes and turned to stare at Casey coldly, almost as if trying to scare her off, a habit she regretted the second she realized what she was doing- I won't let you get this close, I'm warning you- it said, but Casey simultaneously picked up on it, picked up on her regret, and simply grinned at her. She seemed pleased, even, that she was eliciting a response. Alex fumed inside of her mind at the amount of control the redhead had attained over her in the span of a night that wasn't even over yet.
“I’m fine.” Alex said in a hushed whisper, “Just- just drunk.”
Casey provided a low hum in the back of her throat, placing her jaw on Alex’s shoulder, blinking up at her through slightly narrowed eyes.
“Aren't you, Casey?”
“I assumed I’d be driving. I had a beer, but that was around an hour ago, now.”
“Oh.” Alex shifted, her face heating up slightly, “You're taking me home?”
“Do you not want me to do that?”
“I- but, how would you get home from mine? I don't- I can't really give you my car-”
“I can walk from yours,” Casey responded easily, to which Alex shook her head quickly.
“God, Casey, I’m not letting you walk home alone in the middle of the night, just-”
“Are you two planning on leaving soon?” Olivia interrupted loudly, who had drunk a bit more than both of them and seemed irritated in the way drunk people were. “I cannot wait to get away from this guy here,” the brunette sighed, jabbing a thumb at Stabler, who stared at her incredulously. Like Casey, he had also refrained from drinking so he could drop Olivia and John off.
“Olivia, I’m driving you home, and I stand by what I said.”
“But that doesn't even make sense!” She scolded him, “Why is the plural of mouse mice and the plural of goose geese and the plural form of moose still moose? Who the hell has ever said ‘Oh yes, what a lovely pack of moose there in the distance’-”
“Liv, I didn't say it didn't make sense, I just said it wasn't relevant-”
“Excuse you. This is very relevant to my day-to-day life.”
They blinked at each other for a long, slow moment, and Alex decided she did in fact need to get away from them. But, as she reached for her purse to drop what she owed, shame bloomed suddenly in her heart. Fuck.
She groaned quietly, her index extending automatically to rub the base of her glabella, tilting her head backward and squeezing her eyes shut with frustration and also an unwillingness to share what she definitely needed to.
Her discontent at her mistake triggered something else in her stomach, and she felt the familiar sensation of everything inside of her moving uncomfortably, skin aching and turning. She felt like she was about to be scolded by her father- or worse, her uncle- for lacking composure, for forgetting to keep track of every minor detail and interaction held.
It was important to be on top of everything constantly- no, it was necessary. She needed to. It was drilled into her as much as her skin was part of her anatomy, and regardless of how stressed it made her, she needed it compulsively.
She wanted to be someone else, and now she'd have to pay the price for it.
“Alex?” Casey’s voice sounded mildly concerned, and Alex tried her best to hide the embarrassment in her voice when she turned to the redhead and conspiratorially muttered, “I forgot my purse.”
She knew exactly where it was- well, unless it had been stolen since then, but she knew where she had left it. Putting it directly beneath her on the aluminum bleachers of the softball field had not been a wise choice given the principle of ‘out of sight, out of mind' and her lusting after Casey and Casey’s ridiculously attractive shoulders had not helped to remind her to grab it before they left.
Luckily she always kept three hundred dollar bills in her phone case in case of an emergency, so she popped it open and removed one to cover the table, waving off the others who tried to offer her change and similarly dismissing people offering to cover her drinks the next time the group joined at a bar.
“Well, we’ll just go back for it, then.” Casey replied smoothly, and Alex thanked the heavens Casey had not taken this as an opportunity to try to tease her, because Alex genuinely would've gotten mad if she had.
“But that's- that's half an hour each way,” Alex sighed, “and I’ve had too much to drive, but I don't want to ask you too-”
“Extra time with you? I can't complain. Come, now.” Casey grinned, swiping at her shoulder gently the way she had with Elliot earlier, and Alex couldn't help but crack a weak smile and follow her and she made her way out of the bar, waving goodbyes to the others.
“I meant it, though,” Casey starts once they're outside of the building, “you did seem distant back there. Is everything… alright?”
“I-” Alex started without meaning to, clamping her jaw shut and watching Casey unlock her car so they could both climb in, Casey placing the duffel in the back again as prior.
She watched the younger attorney raise an eyebrow inquisitively, which she responded to with a loose sigh.
“Nothing.” She said blankly, and listened as Casey echoed her sigh.
Alex could see the gears churning in Casey's head as they both clambered into Alex’s Cadillac, Casey’s eyes roving over the interior with awe once more. The copper-headed woman wasn't verbally pushing her to explain her issue but Alex wasn't stupid enough to think Casey would let it drop. She briefly worried that Casey thought it was her fault, but if she did, maybe she wouldn't provoke an explanation, and Alex was okay with that. She didn't feel like she wanted to verbalize this discomfort with Casey.
This car drive was again quiet, but not because Alex was in a state of drunken content, but rather because Alex was fighting personal demons and Casey was trying very hard to run through every possible list of what could've upset the older attorney.
“It was just one of my mulberry set, so it doesn't matter that much if it's actually missing or if someone stole it.” Alex said finally, to fill the void of silence.
Casey squinted at her, trying to figure out if that was sarcasm, but it didn't seem to be.
“I’m not going to grant that a response,” she said finally. “You rich kids are something else.”
Alex thinned her lips into a straight line but didn't respond. Casey was right, of course, they had very different upbringings. That's why Casey's skin suited her body, and Alex’s was constantly irritating her.
Neither attorney tried to fill the void of silence after that, not even with music, Alex staring blankly out of the side window while Casey focused on the dark road in front of her. Alex had moved on from her demons to anxiously smoothing her thumb in little patterns on her wrist, very uncomfortable without a distinct reason. This wasn't really about the purse, to put it plainly.
After what felt like an eternity, Casey pulled over, and Alex stumbled out of the car. The place was utterly devoid of people, although the lights were still on for some reason, and it wasn't hard to spot the dot of her bag in the distance even with her glasses. There was a light behind the bleachers that illuminated the spaces between plates of metal and she could make out a shape that blocked out the light exactly where she had been sitting. Without checking to see if Casey was following, she set out, wincing at the feeling of gravel and damp dirt beneath her shoes.
She had picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder before she registered Casey’s presence again, behind her, and the attorney's voice was soft as she spoke.
“Put it back down, Alex, play ball with me.”
Alex froze.
“What?”
“Play ball with me,” Casey echoed, and when Alex turned around the copperhead was simply tossing the softball up and down in one hand without even looking at it. Casey’s eyes were instead fixated intently on her.
Alex shrugged her purse strap tighter to her side as if it were a life raft of sorts. “I don't play sports, Casey-” she tried, but Casey just shook her head slightly, the bun that had slowly been coming out over the duration of the evening bouncing along with the rotation of her head.
“Just catch it,” Casey soothed, “and if you really hate it we’ll go back to the car. Put your purse down- come off the bleachers, come over here.”
It was hard to disobey when Casey sounded so direct, so after a moment of hesitation and a minor internal thrashing Alex set her bag down once more and stepped off the bleachers, onto the grass where Casey was. She knew her face must be exerting a twisted, concerned expression, but although Casey’s eyes were soft they were also immensely firm. Determined.
“I don't know… how to catch a ball.” Alex said lamely, holding her hands out stiffly in front of her. She was rewarded for her confession with Casey’s chuckle.
“Don't think about it,” Casey said, “just focus on me. You’ll catch it.”
The redhead paused her casual toss-catch rhythm, cupping the ball in her palm and letting her arm hang down by her side. She smiled reassuringly at Alex, who hadn't felt nervous like this since grade school.
“You've been doing fine focusing on me tonight,” Casey teased, after Alex hadn't answered, and Alex flushed, “so- should be doable. Ready?”
Alex wanted to curl into a ball and hide, honestly, so no, she wasn't ready. Straight spine, stiff shoulders, her head feeling like it was propped up on a pedestal rather than a neck. Her hands still were held loosely in front of her, as though someone was passing her a wine glass to nurse rather than a ball to catch, and her feet were right beside each other in the ‘natural’ resting position for her- which had been very unnaturally taught, and then forced, until young Alex did not automatically stand any other way. Casey’s brow quirked as if this was amusing to her.
The blonde’s brow furrowed in anxious concentration, and she took a quick breath, trying to focus on Casey as the redhead had so advised. And despite her teasing tone, she had been right, it was easy for Alex to focus on her.
It was really dark out, now, so Alex could only see the parts of Casey that were illuminated by the overhead beam, but it was angled in a way that she could still see most of her. Casey’s eyes were teasing but attentive, and her posture was entirely relaxed. She didn't look like she had when she was actually playing, which relieved Alex immensely.
When Casey had been playing, she had seemed athletic and agile, with muscles that rippled under her skin the way that a leopard’s might as it pounced. Now, more similarly to her courtroom appearances, her arms had relaxed back into how they normally appeared- although they always looked wonderfully lean- only slightly more built than the average woman’s. Her fingers were lithe as they wrapped around the softball she held, a degree of comfort interacting with the object that read easily as years of experience. Alex tried not to note the details of how the white polo shirt clung and accentuated her bust, or the curve of her waist. Casey’s stance- leaning slightly, more weight on one leg than the other casually, did not help Alex scrape her eyes off of her figure. She felt herself relax, slightly, drawn in by the details of the other woman’s form. She supposed it was easy to stop paying so much attention to herself and everything that was right or wrong in herself and her posture when she was given permission to study someone as- well, frankly, hot- as Casey.
“I’m ready,” Alex said after a long pause, running her tongue over her dry bottom lip to ease the nerves. She wasn't sure what prompted her to say it.
Casey eased her arm in a low arc, passing it once, then twice, the arc getting larger each time, before curling her fingers around the ball as she let it go in a firm underhand toss. Trained as she was, it flew in a bow formation, slow and controlled as it made its way directly towards Alex, who caught it instinctively, trapping it between her two palms.
She looked up at Casey with eyes as concerned as if she was carrying a grenade, and Casey laughed, her hands on her knees, evidently pleased.
“Good! Go on, throw it back to me.”
Alex’s nose scrunched up with focus as she tried to recreate the same motion Casey had done, her limbs feeling weird and disjointed, stiff and loose, unlike the fluid motion Casey had produced. But regardless, she threw it.
Casey catching it was entirely due to the redhead’s own ability, because unlike when Alex had caught it due to Casey’s precise aim, Alex had no clue how to direct the ball properly, and it fell short by about a meter, which was anticipated the second the ball left her hand by Casey who scrambled to get it, achieving the fear with only a mild degree of difficulty.
“You did it!” She cheered, bouncing with excitement the way she had when she had won the softball match hours prior, and Alex couldn't help but acknowledge her enthusiasm as very infectious. A small, genuine yet shy smile played on her lips and Casey darted backward again, taking her stance to throw it once more, which Alex did not move to protest.
Unlike last time, when Alex had caught it very close to her chest, the blonde with some degree of determination reached her arms slightly higher, managing to catch it while it was still in the air above her. She still used both hands, but it was a stark degree of progress.
Alex's face split open into a grin of genuine emotion, now, a smile that awkwardly expressed the strange pride she felt at managing the relatively very simple task, and without hesitation she threw it back to Casey, using enough force this time- correcting her precious mistake- so the ball was easily once again resting in Casey's hand.
“Look at you go,” Casey beamed, the corners of her eyes angling with the intensity of the smile she flashed Alex with, “now, this one’s harder, okay?”
This time, Casey threw it overhead, albeit still much gentler than she normally would. Her previous throws were meant to land directly at Alex’s stand, but this one aimed for a foot or so behind her. The blonde, however, had seemingly gained enough understanding of the ball’s arch to realize, hastily taking a few steps backward to once again encase it.
Alex mused to herself that she felt as though she was getting the hang of this, so she returned the ball once more, still using underhand, watching as Casey bounced backward twice to give them more distance. She threw it, and Alex realized it was flying too far to the side, and she scrambled in that direction, bending down strangely but managing to catch the softball before it hit the floor.
She looked up with a very sheepish expression, but was rewarded with the sight of Casey smiling as if it were Christmas morning, and she relaxed, standing up. Casey had apparently taken a few more long strides backwards, away from her.
“I can't throw that far, come closer.” She called, but Casey shook her head.
“You can make it to me- try out throwing overhead.” Casey urged, “And if it falls short, I’ll run and get it anyway.”
Alex stood, awkwardly still for a long second, staring at Casey, who just kept her bright smile. After a second, she glanced at the ball in her hand, and, mimicking Casey’s movement once again, extended one arm behind her slightly, rotating her torso, and then shot it forward, leaning forward into her swing.
Although she stumbled, looking up prematurely to see if the throw would arc the way she had wanted it to, it did fly almost all the way to the other attorney, who easily lifted a singular hand to catch it in her palm.
This time, Casey did not wait for Alex to recompose before swinging- and she did it differently, this time, lifting a leg to fire the ball at her the way she had during softball except with a bit less force. Enough force, though, that although Alex again scrambled for it, the softball flew too far to the side and the blonde woman ended up on her knees in the shortly clipped grass. She turned her head to stare indignantly at her companion, who just poked the tip of her tongue out of her mouth nonchalantly and motioned for Alex to go fetch.
She would never do anything so.. unpretentious. However, with Casey patiently grinning at her, Alex sighed, standing, brushing off her knees quickly, and then briskly pacing to retrieve the ball, which had landed only a few meters to her side.
“Are we done, counselor?” Novak called from her place a ways away, and Alex raised her eyebrow at the other woman incredulously.
“After that?” She scoffed, and threw the ball again more forcefully, purposely not really aiming at Casey who thus had to hasten towards it, reading its path but still needing to scurry multiple meters, catching it but only just barely. Alex refused to note how elegant the motion was, despite how awkward it really should've seemed.
Alex did not have the time to further study Casey’s elegance because the redhead was already firing back at her, one leg raised high at the knee as prior, and that only really made her understand how attractive Casey’s legs were- her undivided attention to the attorney’s arms had made her miss out on something else equally appealing.
This time Casey was gracious enough to aim at her once more, and Alex caught it, each grab easier than the previous.
They repeated this exchange, Casey’s throws were much smoother and intentional, except she kept occasionally throwing slightly higher or lower or to either side to force Alex to move herself. Alex occasionally missed her grab or not being able to close the distance in time, which only fueled her play intensity when she returned the ball. Alex’s throws were mostly loose, but for the most part, they went far enough, and Casey was more than happy to scramble for them, ending up on her knees multiple times but never failing to catch it firmly.
Casey had started laughing, at some point, delighted to be playing no matter how bad her play partner was, and Alex hadn't even realized when her grin became permanent and her exhales started to sound like breathless giggles.
Eventually, Alex’s breathing started coming faster, and there was a thrum in her heart unrelated to Casey, and said woman realized the blonde was starting to get tired. She stopped the back and forth once the ball returned to her palm, choosing instead to jog over.
“Let's try something- hold this.” She murmured, tossing the ball into the air, which Alex now easily and casually managed to snag.
She reached over and adjusted Alex’s position, smooth hands gliding to shape the rotation of the older woman’s shoulders, lightly pressing to move her hips, gliding across her arms to rearrange the assortment of limbs.
She then turned to stand beside her, mirroring the posture she had just moved Alex into, looking at her with a sly grin. “Now, when you throw, I want you to curve like this-” she demonstrated, her motions causing the fabric to ruffle, her shirt rising up slightly at the hem to tease Alex with a thin strip of the woman’s abdomen, “and raise your leg like this, and then,-” she made a hushed whooshing sound, a cartoonist version of a ball being thrown.
Alex nodded obediently, starting to prepare herself before Casey shook her head quickly. “Give me a headstart- I go on two, and you go on zero. Okay?”
The blonde was now mildly confused on what Casey was attempting, but regardless nodded, frozen in the position Casey had sculpted.
“Five, four, three..” Casey counted down, slowly creeping her body down into a low lunge, “two-!” she bolted forward, and then Alex understood, mentally counting down the last two numbers before flinging the ball as hard as she physically was able to.
She was then content to straighten out, catching her breath, while watching Casey sprint after it. Her strides were so long and so light Alex wasn't sure she was even really touching the ground. With the movement, her ever-loosening bun snapped open, and auburn hair flowed as if cascading behind her, and Alex's breath caught still in her lungs.
Even though the ball did manage to outfly her sprint, she was damn near close when she dove for it, sliding on one knee to retrieve it, skidding to a halt a little ways away from where she had initially landed. She jumped up, shook herself off, and then jogged back, a breathless grin on her face.
“I thought I had it,” she panted, “I’ve always wanted to try doing that.”
The copper-headed woman proceeded to flop down on the grass, rolling so she was lying on her back looking up at Alex who was still breathing with a little more labor than she’d like to admit from their previous shenanigans. After a second, Alex carefully sat down next to her, near but not close enough to be on her loose hair by accident.
“You were very close,” Alex agreed, eyes never leaving Casey’s enthusiastic ones. “I didn't know people could be that fast.”
After a brief second, she reached out and rested her hand on the front of Casey’s shoulder, who blinked up at her. It was a reassurance that Alex’s earlier silence wasn't her fault, Alex tried to convey, that Casey had done nothing wrong and everything right.
Casey sat up to look at Alex more directly, but she raised a hand to keep Alex’s fingers resting on the flat of her chest and an inch below her collarbone. Her face was close to Alex’s leaning forward so boldly Alex almost thought to lean back.
“You look good like this,” She cooed so lightly it was almost smug, almost victorious, “you’re normally so rigid, so overtly mannered.”
It was then that Alex realized she had not registered anything of herself outside of trying to figure out how to position her arm to throw better for the past while.
Nothing had seemed to exist outside of Casey laughing gleefully across the field, bouncing from one foot to the other while waiting for her to launch her softball back to her- as much as Alex could launch it- and as soon as the ball had left her hands, the only thing she thought of was the sight of Casey running to snatch it midair, her hand itching to feel the leather again so she could try again, see if she could throw it farther, and more forcefully.
See if she could make Casey laugh harder, the giddy sound almost echoing in the night, filling the void and almost creepy vacant softball field with audio so genuine it made Alex’s heart flutter. See if she could elicit another called praise, or another witty comment from the woman she had been eyeing so intently.
Her limbs and joints felt loose but connected, blood racing through her veins happily as if finally allowed to dart around her body, resurfacing energy and releasing dopamine in a way she hadn't felt in what must now be years. Her bones felt as light as a bird’s, and her skin was so enthusiastic at the play it nestled onto her body like a puzzle piece that finally clicked into place, and even now that she was finished, it felt like her own. For once, Alex had earned the right to feel comfortable in her own skin.
She hadn't cared to ponder what she must look like, in a blouse layered by a sweater in a field with her glasses, tripping over herself to try to play ball with a woman who could pass as a semi-professional athlete. Her chest must be heaving in an effort to catch her breath, her lungs entirely unused to anything more strenuous than stairs, her legs long but her ability to use them only equivalent to a fawn’s. But whenever she had caught Casey's playful eyes, they looked at her like her stumbling self was a million bucks, and that was enough for her.
This was enough for her. Her goal for the night had been realized in full.
“What are you thinking about, counselor?” Casey breathed, and Alex realized she had leaned even closer, dark green eyes searching her’s as if she could read words in Alex’s pupils.
Alex almost thought she was assuming something until she caught the microaction of Casey’s eyes darting to her lips, before glancing up a fraction of a second later with a hint of shyness in her expression- something Alex had never seen, but certainly wasn't complaining about- and Alex was more than happy to indulge her, seeing as how Casey had spent the last hour trying to ensure Alex could ease some of the rigidness from her soul.
She left the hand Casey had touched on her collar, but brought her other hand up to cradle the back of the redhead’s skull, closing the small gap between their faces, and pressing her lips gently against the other woman’s.
Casey let out a small, whimpered sound, and Alex tried to let her go, only to be tugged back with ferocious intensity.
The younger woman pushed her into a more structured sitting position, one leg swinging over Alex’s lap to straddle her hips, Casey’s hands cupping the sides of Alex’s neck, one thumb on her jaw. Her lips were so soft, but so exhilarating, Alex felt as though she could melt, Casey pulling them apart every couple seconds just to come back closer a second later. Due to the nature of their position, Alex had to crane her neck to angle her face up at her, the column of her throat exposed, and Casey was clearly thrilled, her hands exploring her jaw and below it, soft touches that felt rather greedy.
Alex was finally able to take what she had been fantasizing about- when Casey pulled them apart for a second, panting for breath much harsher than she ever had while exercising, she untangled her hand from the auburn locks she had grasped and ran her hand instead down Casey’s shoulder blade, reveling in the feeling of the soft muscles and the small noise Casey made when she did so, catching the woman’s mouth once more to swallow the sounds she made as her hands both moved to smooth over Casey’s biceps, her triceps, her forearms, and then back up again.
“Alex,” Casey breathed into her mouth, before Alex shifted, pressing her back into her lips, to which Casey had no protest. The copper-headed woman’s hands stopped so much exploring as they did holding for support, and Alex mused to herself- the first coherent thought to break through the haze of bliss she had found herself in- that Casey must have thought she’d be the one to have the other squirming. The thought amused her, and only compelled her to continue feeling her up.
“Alex-,” Casey was whining now, Alex’s hand slipping behind her lithe figure to her shoulder blades again, running her fingers down savoringly before turning her attention to her ribs, using her thumbs to brush against her breast only slightly before moving down her to waist, utterly enraptured.
Alex bucked her hips, startling Casey as the blonde pushed her off entirely, and then kept pushing, rolling them over until Casey was flat on her back, and Alex was over her, her knees buried hard into the dirt to keep her above in a way that would've made her quite upset at the grass stains they’d be sporting later had she not been so enchanted by the feeling of Casey moving, Casey’s muscles bunching and twitching as she moved against her.
“Oh,” Casey gasped, and Alex paused, raising her hands to either side of Casey’s head so she could smile down at the woman whose cheeks were so red they almost matched her hair.
Her blonde hair fell to frame Casey’s face, who breathlessly tried to push it out of the way so she could see the triumphant gleam in Alex’s eyes, and then Casey propped herself up on her elbows to land a soft kiss on Alex’s grinning lips.
The normally overtly composed woman broke into a giddy laugh, sitting up, before rolling to the side so she could lay next to Casey in the dark grass. Casey snorted lightly at the sound of it, rolling to the side so she could study Alex’s gorgeous side profile as the woman looked up to the dark night sky above them.
“I guess this solves the issue of us going to separate apartments with only one car,” Casey breathed, and that just made Alex laugh harder, lulling her head to the side to meet Casey’s eyes and see her quiet smile.
All of Alex’s strings had been cut. Right now, she felt anything but stiff. Anything but rigid.
Prompt : a character who is cold to everyone, except for their SO
Warnings : none I think?
A/n : apologies for how short this is but I didn’t have many ideas on how to make this longer :( I missed writing Erin so much (NOT BETA READ!!! Apologies for any mistakes but I'm too lazy to fix them)
Word count : 468
my masterlist
It was no secret that Detective Erin Lindsay was cold. She rarely showed much emotion. Nearly everyone knew her as this stoic and cold detective.
Only that was so far from the truth. Inside Erin was a huge softie but she rarely showed it to people. She hated being so vulnerable in front of people. The only people she truly felt comfortable around were Voight & Y/n. Those were the two people who truly saw Erin as she was - not for the hard and cold detective but for the sweet and kind person she truly was.
One day Y/n decided to come visit Erin at the district. Even if Erin was currently out somewhere Y/n decided to stay and wait for her. To Hank Y/n was like a second daughter, when he found out about her and Erin dating, he was sceptical about their relationship lasting long due to how Erin could be.
But soon after meeting Y/n he changed his mind. Seeing how Erin’s eyes would light up everytime she saw her, Hank knew that Y/n was the right person for Erin.
Currently Y/n was sitting in Hank’s office waiting for Erin while they talked about some insignificant stuff. Soon Erin walked up the stairs to the bullpen and hearing her voice and footsteps both Hank & Y/n got up and walked out to greet her. Erin was busy arguing with Jay about something but as soon as she looked up and saw Y/n, her eyes lit up in happiness and she rushed over to hug her. Holding her tightly.
“What are you doing here babe?” Erin asked happily while kissing Y/n. “I wanted to come see you.” She replied with a soft smile while gently brushing out the hair from Erin’s forehead. Noticing how nearly everyone was staring at them, Erin quickly pulled away and grabbed Y/n’s hand and pulled her towards the locker room. “Just ignore them.” Erin whispered to Y/n with a smile.
Meanwhile Jay, Adam and Antonio stared at them both in shock. They never knew that Erin had a girlfriend and that she was such a softie. After a while Erin led Y/n towards the exit of the bullpen with a sad face. “You’ll see me in a few hours Erin. You will be fine I promise.” Y/n reassured her, while leaning in to kiss her. Erin nodded in response while holding onto Y/n tightly. “Stay safe sweetheart and if anything happens please call me or Hank.” Erin said with a small frown while kissing Y/n again.
Erin knew that Y/n could handle herself, but that didn’t stop her from worrying about her girlfriend. That’s just how Erin was, she’d always worry about the ones she loved.
Summary: The moment reader joined the squad, she knew she was lost the moment she laid eyes on ADA Casey Novak. After a tough case, they decide to celebrate it at a bar on a crowded Saturday night. There might be a turn of events.
A/n: And the winner is here, as promised😏 Spicy Saturday Night (or maybe morning for some of you or afternoon…) So…not gonna confirm or deny that this was a personal request? It was an idea I got for something I read, and couldn’t help myself but to write this and share it with all you beautiful people cause I know yall love some spicy times with Casey Novak😌 I’m working on your requests guys, I’m slowly coming back to writing and they’ll be posted as soon as I finish them. Thanks for the love and for keep reading my stories🥹 Keep the requests coming you guys! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻
*not my gif.*
One thing about working at SVU was the exhaustion that they felt after every single case. So, for the first time in a while, they all had agreed to go to a bar to celebrate a win after days of stress. The problem? It was Saturday night, so of course the place was going to be crowded, and they even felt somehow weird to be surrounded by younger people, but they still decided they’d have a great time. They found themselves a nice place -in the very corner of the bar-, but at least they had some place to sit. As soon they found the table, they started ordering some drinks and some snacks, soon enough they started chatting and joking around, wanting to forget about the job for at least that night.
As they engaged into conversation, Olivia was soon to push y/n to talk to Casey. Since y/n joined the squad, the very first moment she had laid eyes on Casey, y/n had been in awe of how beautiful and gorgeous Casey looked that day. Since that day, y/n was a mess whenever she was around Casey, of course, she was professional when she needed to be, but she couldn’t help but be a bundle of nerves whenever Casey stood beside her, or sat beside her, anything Casey did, and y/n was melting. But tonight, the squad had planned to give them a little push, hoping that their little plan would work.
It was after Munch and Fin arrived that they had figured out that they had grabbed a small table with obviously not enough chairs, and there was only one left. Olivia took this opportunity to look at y/n and then around the table and put out there her idea.
“Guess someone will have to share because there is no way we’re getting an extra chair with this crowd.” Olivia chuckled softly as she looked around the table, but specifically, to y/n.
Fin turned to look at Munch as he laughed. “Wanna sit on my lap?”
Munch scoffed as he took the seat before Fin could even think about. “In your dreams.”
“I’m good here in the booth. It’s comfortable and spacious.” Melinda shrugged as she took a sip of her drink.
“Oh, I could move to the booth, but one of you guys have to move.” Olivia grinned as she looked at y/n, who was looking at her confused.
“You want me to move? To where?” Y/n shook her head, the alcohol making her mind take its time to process things.
“You can sit on my lap.” Casey simply said, a small smile on her face as she looked at y/n.
Y/n’s eyes widened slightly as she looked at Casey. “W-What?”
“There you go! Problem solved. Fin, take my chair, I’ll take y/n’s place but let me get beside Melinda so you guys can easily get up.”
Before y/n could finish registering what was happening, Casey took her hand and stood up with her so Olivia could go ahead and sit beside Melinda. Casey sat back down and didn’t even hesitate to pull y/n with her and soon enough, y/n was sitting on her lap. The squad soon engaged back in conversation, completely ignoring the fact that y/n was now on Casey’s lap, and had her arm wrapped around her waist as if Casey was trying to stop her from leaving. Y/n tried to focus on her drink, her mind spiraling with thoughts as she tried to process the fact that this was even happening. For a moment she thought the alcohol was making her hallucinate. Casey noticed how quiet y/n had become, thinking that maybe y/n had been drinking enough and it was getting to her.
Casey tilted her head slightly, enough to be able to look at the side of y/n’s face. “You okay, y/n?” Casey asked gently, her eyes searching her face to make sure she had heard Casey.
Y/n turned her head and offered a smile. “W-Why wouldn’t I be? Just…focusing on the conversation.” She chuckled softly as she patted Casey’s thigh without even thinking about it.
Casey raised her brow but didn’t say anything about it anymore. But then, something inside her mind clicked. She grinned softly as she nodded, grabbing her drink, and taking a sip of it. “If you say so, princess.”
Y/n’s breath hitched when Casey called her princess, she felt her cheeks heating up as she stared at her. She scoffed as she shook my head, trying to play it cool to not show her the effect she had on her. “I’m fine. Just focusing on Fin’s conversation.”
“I wasn’t even talking.” Fin snapped as he looked at y/n, suddenly all of their attention was on y/n.
Y/n turned to look at Fin. “You were.”
“I finished like 10 min ago.”
Munch grinned. “Someone is distracted I see.”
“I…” Y/n looked at him and shook her head, huffing a chuckle. “I’m not. I really thought he was still talking.”
“And you also seem to be a bit drunk. You’re all flustered there. Or are you blushing because you’re sitting in Novak’s lap?” Melinda teased as she smirked.
If stares killed, Melinda would surely be gone by now. She sighed and offered a fake smile to her, cursing inside her mind as she saw her laughing at her reaction. “I’m fine. I won’t drink anymore if that’s what you’re worried about.” She shrugged as she finished her last shot and looked back at them.
Casey chuckled at her stubborn nature - finding it both adorable. She rolled her eyes, not believing a single word that came out of her mouth. “Right, because you’ve been soooo good at sticking to your word so far.”
They let it die for a while, returning to their conversation, but Casey was still amused by y/n’s reaction. She had been acting differently before she had sat on Casey’s lap, and if Casey didn’t know better, she’d say that she was uncomfortable sitting there, but she knew that she didn’t actually mind, more so because she knew about y/n’s crush on her. She tried to hide her smirk behind her drink but couldn’t help the thought that this was her chance to tease her a bit. A tiny teasing was no harm.
Casey gently placed her hand over y/n’s thigh, lightly squeezing it, the alcohol was definitely making her bolder. She leaned in close to her, her breath lightly hitting her ear. “You're so cute when you're blushing like that, princess. You know that?"
At first, sitting on her lap didn’t seem like such a bad idea, now, it just seemed to be the worst/best idea she could’ve had. And this was when she thought it was the worst; as she was having a sip of her drink, suddenly she felt Casey’s hand on her thigh and her breath hitting her ear, making her choke on her drink. She swallowed hard as she heard Casey’s words, slightly turning her head to look at her, her lips parting slightly as she tried to suppress the moan that was stuck in her throat. “I…t-thanks.”
Casey chuckled at her reaction, seeing the way when just her hand on her thigh and her breath on her ear affected her so much. She decided to have a little bit more fun with her, just to see how she would react, and maybe get a better look at that cute face of hers when she blushed. She gently gripped her chin, turning her head to face her now. She smiled, her eyes staring into hers. "Can I tell you something princess?"
Y/n’a breath hitched slightly as she looked into Casey’s eyes. She licked her lips nervously as she nodded. “S-Sure.”
Casey leaned in again, her lips brushing against y/n’s ear as she spoke, not wanting anyone else to hear what she was going to say. “You know, you've been driving me absolutely crazy, sitting on my lap." She whispered as she smirked, her hot breath teasing over her ear again.
At that point y/n felt like she’d have some sort of heart attack or that she’d simply stop breathing at some point. Her eyes never left Casey’s, the whole time she spoke. Did she know? About the crush? She had to; she knew she couldn’t lie to Casey. Her words made her whole body shiver, cursing under her breath on how she had such an effect on her with simple touches and words, her face just inches apart from hers, and she wanted to just lean in and-
“You guys should definitely get a room. It’s getting so hot in here.” Melinda chuckled softly as she high five Olivia.
“You have our girl dying over here, Novak. Her little crush is full on showing.” Elliot smirked.
Y/n rapidly snapped her head to look at Elliot. “What?! I do not have a crush on Casey. Casey and I are good friends. That’s all.” Her voice wavered as she spoke, a hint of shakiness.
Casey had to hold back a laugh at y/n’s sudden response to Elliot, at the way her voice went up a pitch and how defensive she was. Instead, she chuckled softly, continuing to smirk, knowing that there was some truth to Elliot’s statement. She lightly squeezed her thigh, giving her a little warning to not get overly defensive. "Oh, don't deny it. Anyone can tell that you're obviously in denial about your feelings for me."
Fuck. She knew. She fucking knew. Y/n turned to look at Casey for a moment and then turned to look at Elliot and the squad. She was so going to kill them for doing this. She chuckled nervously and shook her head. “I do not have a crush. You’re reaching.”
“She’s got you on her lap and you’re one breath away from passing out. C’mon, y/n. You’re not that good at lying.” Munch chuckled.
“Or maybe they’re really just friends, let it go, guys.” Fin joked, chuckling with Munch.
Casey smirked once again as the squad started going in on y/n for having a crush on her, knowing good and well that she did. She gripped y/n’s thigh a little tighter, seeing how she was getting slightly flustered and tried to deny it all once again. She decided then to chime in, leaning down and to her ear, whispering while squeezing her thigh again, her tone slightly cocky. "You sure you don’t have a crush on me, princess? You’re getting awfully defensive.”
Y/n was slightly startled as she felt Casey squeezing her thigh, a small whimper leaving her lips. She was starting to regret wearing a skirt that day. “N-No. I mean…I’m not defensive. It’s just the alcohol.”
“Ah, the alcohol. So, it wouldn’t do anything to you if Casey just started kissing your neck or something like that.” Olivia raised her brows as she smirked.
Casey’s smirk only widened as she heard that small whimper escaped her lips, taking that as a good sign that she couldn’t hold back her reaction to her anymore. Her hand kept gently rubbing up and down her thigh. "Yeah, would it?"
Y/n sighed as she stared at Olivia, wanting so badly to slap her right on the face to wipe off that smirk. She was pushing, and she knew it. “Why don’t you drop it, Benson?” She faked a smile as she grabbed her other drink.
Once again, the squad dropped it, and started chatting again, but Casey was amused and slightly annoyed by the whole situation, seeing how she was trying to deflect the question and avoid further discussion. She couldn't just drop it the way y/n wanted her to. She watched as she took another sip of her drink. She leaned into her ear again, her breath lightly brushing over it as she spoke. “You didn't answer the question, princess."
Y/n almost choked on her drink again as she spoke in her ear once again. She felt her chest heavy, and it was getting harder to breath. She tried to play it cool, pretending like she was listening to the squad’s conversation. She licked her lips softly and cleared her throat, looking down at her drink and placing the glass on her lips just so she could cover them, and the squad couldn’t see that I was answering Casey. “No…it wouldn’t.” She whispered softly as she took another sip of her drink. But of course, that was a lie, and she knew that she knew it.
Casey chuckled upon hearing her answer as she knew that she wasn’t really being honest with her response. Her hand continued to rub up and down her thigh, gently squeezing it every now and then. “And if I just started kissing your neck, what then?" Casey smirked.
Y/n’s breath hit her at her question, feeling shivers running down through her whole body as she tried to remain calm or at least put together. She sighed softly as she shook her head slightly. “You wouldn’t.” She whispered back.
Casey smirked even wider, loving the way she was shaking just at her question. She continued to gently squeeze her thigh, her hand occasionally shifting a little further up and then back down. She gently placed her chin on her shoulder, her lips getting inches away from her neck. She gently bit her earlobe, gently speaking against her skin. "And what makes you think I wouldn’t, princess?”
Y/n gasped quietly as she felt her biting her earlobe, the way she kept gripping her thigh, the way she kept whispering in her ear. She was driving her insane. She swallowed hard as she tried to focus on both Casey’s words and also the squad’s conversation. “Casey, you need to stop…” She whispered softly, but her voice wavered again, betraying her because she knew deep down that she was dying to feel her.
Casey chuckled against her ear once again, thoroughly enjoying hearing the way her voice wavered. She pressed a light kiss to her neck, her hand gently shifting even further up on her thigh, getting under her skirt, getting so close to her underwear. “But why should I stop, baby?” She continued the gentle kisses on her neck, moving to her pulse point, licking it softly and then nipping slightly.
Y/n bit her lip and swallowed back the moan that wanted to come out, closing her eyes for a slight moment but remembering where they were, so she tried to keep her eyes open. She placed one of her hands on the side of Casey’s thigh, gripping it tightly, not sure if it was to stop her or to encourage her to keep going, or just to hold onto something. She licked her lips slowly, trying to calm her beating heart. “Casey…” She whispered softly, a moan getting stuck in her throat again.
Casey couldn't help but chuckle enjoying the way y/n’s hand instinctively squeezed her thigh. She continued to kiss and gently suck on that sensitive spot on her neck, wanting to hear her make those delicious sounds. Her hand finally reached the spot where she knew she so desperately needed her, gently rubbing against the fabric of her underwear. She hummed against her skin as she spoke. "Yes, princess?"
She gasped as she felt her fingertips brushing against her underwear, and the way she kept kissing and gently sucking on her neck. Her eyes widened slightly and were filled with desire as she instinctively bucked her hips, wanting to get friction, anything that would help her with the throbbing between her legs. But just as she was about to answer her, the squad had brought their attention back to them which made her grip Casey’s thigh to stop her.
“You looking a little nervous there, y/n. What is Casey telling you, huh?” Olivia teased as she smirked.
“It would be so much fun to see how you definitely do not have a crush on Casey.” Melinda smirked as she kept pushing.
Casey wished Olivia and Melinda wouldn’t have interrupted, she wanted y/n to keep bucking her hips against her, but she pulled her hand back, but she didn't stop the kisses on her neck, enjoying the frustrated groan that she tried to hold back. She glanced up at Olivia and Melinda, seeing the smirks on their faces and the way they were trying to push the issue further. “Oh please, she's fine. Just a little flustered right now." She retorted, shaking her head in disbelief. She was about to continue with her teasing, but she was cut off by her phone ringing in her pocket. She quickly pulled it out to see who was calling.
“Boyfriend calling, Novak?” Elliot teased as he raised his brow.
Casey chuckled at Elliot’s comment, clearly amused by it. She pulled the phone out and quickly glanced at the caller ID before returning her attention to them. She realized that it was the perfect opportunity to tease her as she noticed y/n tensing up at Elliot’s question. It was just too perfect to pass up. “Actually, it’s my girlfriend,” Casey said, nonchalantly. “She’s probably calling to check up on me.”
Y/n felt her heart dropping at the mention of a ‘girlfriend’, suddenly feeling butterflies in her stomach but definitely not the good kind. She felt sadness take over her and she felt sick to her stomach at the thought that even right now, she had just been teasing her, touching her, and kissing her neck, it could mean something, but it didn’t. She suddenly shut down and looked down at her empty glass and going quiet.
“Girlfriend?! And you didn’t tell us?!” Munch asked surprised, and suddenly the squad, especially Olivia, were staring at y/n before turning their attention back to Casey.
Casey internally cursed at herself as the squad erupted in shock at her 'news', realizing that her plan to tease y/n, backfired big time. She should've known better than to play with her feelings like that. She was distracted from her thoughts by the noticeable distance now placed between the two and she immediately regretted opening her mouth. Casey quickly realized that she needed to try to salvage the situation somehow, and so she did the only thing she could think of: she lied. “Yeah, I’ve been seeing her for a few months now,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.
It seemed like time had stopped right in that moment, and suddenly, y/n was completely sober. She licked her lips anxiously as she kept her stare to her glass, not wanting to look at Casey, and suddenly feeling uncomfortable on her lap. Why would she be like that if she had a girlfriend? Why would she do all that if she was seeing someone else? It was painful. “I’ll go get more drinks.” She said before she stood up quickly and walked to the bar.
Casey’s heart stopped entirely as she saw y/n walking away, wanting to slap herself from trying to tease her with that. What was she even thinking that she’d get? Maybe she wanted to see her get jealous, maybe she just wanted to see how far she could go before y/n actually confessed that she had a crush, but she had taken it too far. And then, she heard Fin saying something about a guy, and as she turned to look at the bar, her heart shattered witnessing the interaction between y/n and some random guy, feeling a wave of jealousy wash over her despite having no right to because she had caused this. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself grounded, hating the way her mind began to race with ‘what-ifs’.
As she forced herself to look back at the team, she was met with the sight of Olivia giving her a knowing look, a smirk forming on her face. Melinda couldn't help but stifle a chuckle while Munch silently mouthed 'damn' at Casey. “I know, okay? I fucked up.”
“Then, go and fix it before you actually lose your chance.” Olivia raised her brow as she elbowed Casey.
For a few more moments, Casey remained frozen in her spot, watching the way y/n laughed and joked around with the guy. She watched for a few moments, before she noticed that she had said something to the guy and then made her way to the bathroom, but then Casey noticed how the guy looked around and followed behind. Something inside her snapped, and she found herself standing up, making her way towards the bathroom too rapidly.
Casey made sure to hurry up before the guy could even think about walking in the bathroom, bumping into him and looking at him with a fake smile. “Sorry, girls' bathroom.” She shrugged before she walked in and closed the door, locking it. She watched as y/n leaned over the sink, the sight of her like that only making the heat in her body flare even more. She waited a few moments before stepping up behind her, her hands gently resting on her waist, the heat of her skin now transferring to hers. She gently pressed herself up against y/n’s back, her body pressing against hers, her voice a soft whisper in her ear. “You didn't think you could just walk away after that, princess?"
Y/n had been so distracted, her mind was entirely in another place that she had not heard Casey walking into the bathroom. She let out a gasp as she felt her hands resting on her waist, looking at her through the mirror as she pressed herself against her back. I took a deep shaky breath before I could actually get my words out. “What are you even doing here?” She whispered softly, my eyes not leaving hers through the mirror.
Casey felt good knowing that she still had a reaction to her touch, that maybe there was still a way to salvage this. “We need to talk.”
Y/n scoffed as she pushed Casey away and turned to face. “We don’t have anything to talk about. You can clearly see I’m not drunk, and I perfectly am conscious of what happened back there.”
Casey’s gaze darkened at her stubbornness. She stepped closer to y/n, closing the already small distance between the two, her eyes locked with hers. It was clear that she wasn't going to back down. “You don't have anything to talk about? Really?" She let out a humorless laugh as she shook her head. “You don't have anything to say to me after I saw you with that guy and he was following you here?”
Y/n furrowed her brows, confused as to what she meant the guy had followed her, but then she scoffed, taking a step back without noticing that her back was almost hitting the wall. She shook my head and then shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t know what I have to say about that. I wanted him here. We were going to have a good time. And either way, why do you care? Don’t you have to go home to your new girlfriend? I’m sure she’s missing you terribly.” I grinned sarcastically.
Casey felt the pang of jealousy hit her, her heart clenching at the thought of that guy coming in here to fuck her. She clenched her jaw, her eyes narrowing as she stepped closer to her once again, her body almost pinning her against the wall behind her. “You really think I don’t care?” She took another step closer, her voice low and intense as she spoke. “You don’t think I care that I had to watch you smiling and laughing like that with someone that isn’t me?”
Y/n furrowed her brows as she stared at Casey, swallowing hard as she stepped closer to me, her heart beating faster with anger and sadness too. Why was she doing this to her? Why was she torturing her? She had someone back home and she still wanted her to just stay behind and do nothing for myself? It hurt. “And why would you care? You should care if your girlfriend does that. You and I are friends. Why would you care if I decide to take him home and fuck him?” She raised her brow as she defied her, not wanting to give herself up and let sadness take over her.
Casey’s eyes darkened at her defiant tone, her heart breaking at the thought of y/n with someone else. There was a desperate pang in her chest, her hands clenching into fists at her sides out of anger and frustration. Casey suddenly lunged forward, closing the distance between them, and pinning y/n against the wall, her body pressed against hers. “Because I can't stand the thought of you being with someone that isn't me," she snapped, her voice dripping with possessiveness.
Y/n gasped loudly as she felt her back hitting the wall, her eyes widening slightly as Casey pressed her body against hers. She looked into her eyes and her breath hitched slightly. If there was any alcohol left in her system, it was completely gone now, she was more sober than ever. She swallowed hard at her words, and then they hit her, her lips parting slightly. “You…don’t have a girlfriend, do you?” She whispered softly as her eyes darted all over her face. “You said that to get a reaction out of me.”
Casey felt her own heart racing in her chest as she finally had y/n pinned against the wall, the proximity making her feel alive. Her gaze remained fixed on hers, her body pressed firmly against hers, as she spoke in a low, almost inaudible whisper. “I lied," she admitted, her voice barely audible above the bass of the bar music that leaked through the bathroom door. “It was a stupid move, and I shouldn't have done it." A sad huff of laughter left her lips.
Y/n’s whole body shivered, her heart now pounding in her chest as she let her words sink in. She licked her lips softly as she stared into her eyes, suddenly her stomach was filled with butterflies, and this time…they were good ones. The sad huff of laughter that left her lips, it made her realize how she had regretted saying that. Casey had shown so many signs that she wanted her just as much as y/n wanted her, and she had been blind. She placed her hands on her neck, keeping her head up so she could look into her eyes. “Then show me that I belong to you.” She whispered softly.
Casey’s breath hitched at the feeling of her hands on her neck, the words leaving her lips igniting a fire within her. Without a moment's hesitation, she leaned in, her mouth crashing against y/n’s in a fierce and passionate kiss. It was a kiss filled with months of unsaid words and pent-up desire, her body molding perfectly against hers, leaving no space between the two of them. Y/n felt her breath catch in the back of her throat, she let her eyes flutter shut as she felt the passion and the fierce feeling on the kiss, it was finally happening, letting herself completely melt against her, wrapping her arms around her neck, pulling her closer. She didn’t care about how needy or desperate she might’ve seemed. Y/n let her tongue swipe against her bottom lip, asking for entrance, making Casey gasp at the feeling of her tongue against her bottom lip, and she willingly parted her lips to let her in, her own tongue immediately coming out to tangle with hers.
Casey pressed her hips against y/n’a, trapping her against the wall, her hands roaming over her body, desperately wanting to feel more. She broke the kiss for just a moment, her breathing heavy and her voice low and husky. “You have no idea how badly I've wanted you, princess... ever since the first moment I laid eyes on you..."
Y/n bucked her hips against hers to find any sort of friction. Her hands moved up to her hair, trying to keep her closer, but then she felt shivers running down her spine at Casey’s words, her lips parting in surprise as she stared into her eyes.* “Really?” She asked softly, not believing her words, and thinking maybe it had been the alcohol talking.
Casey leaned in, her lips brushing against her ear, her fingers caressing the exposed skin of her thigh, slowly trailing up higher under the fabric of her skirt. She nuzzled into her neck, her voice low as she spoke. "Yes, baby…you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to touch you, to feel you, to taste you…”
Y/n let out a shaky gasp as she felt her fingers caressing her thigh once again, making her whine quietly. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, giving Casey more access to her neck, her fingers ran through her hair, gripping it to keep her close. “I-I’ve wanted you too…so badly. God, I need you so badly, Casey.” She breathed out as she moaned, her hips bucking more into hers.
Casey smiled against her neck, she trailed her fingers a little higher under her skirt, her teeth gently biting down on her neck, marking it with a small bite. Her voice low and husky as she responded. “Mmm…I can tell just how badly you need me."
Y/n moaned louder as she bit down on her neck, thankful that the music was loud enough for her moans to stay in the bathroom. And when she felt her fingertips tracing her inner thigh, she couldn’t help but breathe heavily. “Please, Casey…I need you…” She moaned out as she moved her head to stare into her eyes, her hands gripping her shoulders.
Casey moved her leg between hers, her thigh brushing against the sensitive spot between her legs, the only fabric separating their bodies were y/n’a underwear and her pants. She moved her hand further up her thigh, her fingers gently tracing along the edge of her underwear. "Please what, princess?"
Y/n wrapped on of her arms around Casey’s neck to support herself while the other stayed gripping her hair, feeling like her knees where about to give up because of the pleasure she felt. As her fingers traced the edge of her underwear, she let out needy moan, her hand gripping her shirt. “F-Fuck, Case. I need you. Please, just touch me.” She whispered softly as she stared into her eyes.
Casey leaned in, her lips right next to her ear as she whispered. "Is that what you need, princess? For me to touch you?" Without waiting for an answer, she pressed her leg even harder against her center, her hands moving to lift up her skirt, which was now rucked up around her waist, one of her hands moving back to her hips and the other teasing her inner thigh, getting so close to where she needed her.
Y/n gasped loudly at her sudden moves, the pressure her leg was putting against her center and the way her hands rapidly moved to lift her skirt. Her hand gripped Casey’s shirt and the other moved to her neck, bringing their faces close, their lips brushing against each other as she bucked her hips against her leg and hand. “Please stop teasing me and fuck me. I need you now, Casey.” She groaned softly, desperate to feel Casey’s fingers inside of her or any sort of friction at this point, her underwear surely ruined.
Casey leaned in, her lips brushing against her, chuckling darkly. "Mmm…desperate, are we, princess?" she teased, a sly smile on her face. She moved her underwear aside and her fingers finally moved towards her pussy, gently she ran them between her folds, feeling the wetness that has accumulated, a soft moan leaving her lips.
Y/n chuckled softly against her lips, blushing slightly at her words. “Can you blame me?” But then, she felt her fingers, a shaky gasp escaped me as her body arched against her. She let out another moan. "Oh god…please, that feels so good…" She whimpered softly, barely able to get the words out.
Casey moved her fingers in gentle circles, moving through her folds, to her entrance but avoiding her clit. Her lips moved to her neck, leaving a trail of gentle kisses and bites along the sensitive skin. "Mmm…I love the way you moan for me, princess..." She smirked before she slipped two fingers inside her and began to slowly thrust her fingers in a slow motion.
Y/n moaned loudly, and rested her forehead against her shoulder, small pants leaving her lips as her fingers moved inside her, her hips instinctively moving with her. “F-Fuck, Casey…” She moaned as she buried her face into the crook of her neck.
Even though they were in a public place, Casey didn't care at all if anyone heard them or what they would think. Casey started a quick rhythm, adding a third finger and curling them inside her with each thrust. She then pressed her thumb to her clit, so she could push her closer to the edge with each thrust. Her lips were attached to her neck, nibbling, and licking every inch of her neck. Y/n tried so hard to stay quiet, knowing perfectly they were in a public place, specifically, in a bathroom, but she couldn’t keep her moans inside when Casey was making her feel so good. It was becoming harder to breathe, her body trembling and her hips thrusting more into Casey. Her brain went blank when she felt the way she was fucking her, the way her lips kept nibbling and licking her neck. She was close, she could feel it. Y/n grabbed Casey’s face and crashed their lips together.
Y/n could barely kiss her, panting more than anything, moaning loudly, she felt her body begin to melt. “C-Casey…I…I’m close…”
Casey’s fingers continued their quick and relentless rhythm, the kiss messy and sloppy at some point. She crooks her fingers into you, rocking them in and out with a wet squelch. She broke the kiss as she panted, biting her lip, and pulling on it before she stared into her eyes, grinning softly. “Come for me, princess. I want to hear you…” She curled her fingers and leaned down to nip on her neck.
It became almost impossible to speak, y/n’s words becoming broken and shaky, her breath getting more and more labored as she got closer and closer. “Oh God…I’m…I’m gonna-“ She gasped out, her body trembling and her knees shaking, her hips moving against her fingers, trying to find the release she desperately needed. “F-fuck…” The feeling of her fingers and her words were enough to bring her right to the edge, gasping and trembling. With a final push, her back arched, her moans getting louder as her body literally twitched as her climax hit. “Casey! F-fuck…!” She couldn’t stop herself from screaming her name, her grip tightened on her as she came.
Casey continued working her through her orgasm, her fingers not stopping, wanting to prolong her pleasure for as long as she could. The feeling of her body trembling against her was a feeling she never wanted to forget, and she didn’t stop until her body finally relaxed. She slowly pulled away, her heart racing as she stared at her, completely in awe at how beautiful she looked at that moment. “God, you’re gorgeous…” She whispered as she pulled her fingers out slowly, bringing them to y/n’s lips. “Open…”
She couldn’t help but feel a mixture of emotions swirling inside her, her entire body on a high after experiencing such intense pleasure. As she heard her calling her gorgeous, her cheeks turned beet red, she couldn’t help but bite back a smile, panting heavily as she tried to calm down. She grabbed Casey’s hand, wrapping her lips around them, licking them clean, her tongue swirling around her fingers and moaning at her own taste. She pulled her fingers out of her mouth with a pop, her eyes meeting Casey’s. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”
Watching y/n clean Casey’s fingers off like that, seeing her taste herself, it was absolutely sinful. Casey was absolutely enraptured by her, and she found herself unable to take her eyes off of her. With her free hand, she brought it up to her face, brushing back her hair, gently caressing her cheek. “God, you’re so beautiful…so perfect…”
Y/n leaned against Casey’s hand, turning her head slightly to kiss her palm, her breathing slowly coming back to normal. “So are you…I’ve wanted you for so long.” She chuckled softly as she stared into her eyes.
Casey smiled, her heart swelling with affection. Her hands moved to y/n’s waist, gently pulling her closer, wanting to be as close as possible. “I’ve wanted you for months. You were all I could think about. And…I am so sorry about the girlfriend thing. I thought I’d tease you about it and now I know it was a fucked up thing.”
Y/n smiled softly as she shook her head, her hands going to Casey’s neck and traced her jawline with her thumbs. “I mean…it was a fucked up thing but…it’s alright. You made up for it.” She grinned as she chuckled, leaning in, and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.
Casey sighed softly as she leaned her forehead against hers, chuckling softly too as she shook her head. “You know the squad won’t stop teasing us about this, right?”
“Oh, that I am sure of. I’m already preparing myself.” Y/n chuckled again as she pulled away enough to look at Casey, running her fingers through it. “So…can I return the favor?” She bit her lip softly as her eyes darted down to Casey’s lips and then back to her eyes.
Casey chuckled softly at her words but smirked, her hands moving to fix y/n’s skirt, pulling it down but not before she squeezed y/n’s ass. “How does going back to my place sound? I think we would be way more comfortable.” She raised her brow as she leaned down and kissed y/n’s jawline, trailing her kisses down to her neck.
Y/n felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of going back to Casey’s place, nodding her head a bit too eagerly. “Sounds perfect.” She then pulled Casey’s hair and made her look into her eyes, smirking as her fingertip traced her jawline and down to her neck. “I definitely want to take my revenge on all the marks you left on my neck.”
“Thank god winter is here. Turtlenecks won’t be such a pain in the ass.” Casey laughed softly along with y/n before she took her hand and pulled her with her out of the bathroom.
As soon as the squad noticed the girls walking back to them hand in hand, they started cheering and clapping, Munch looking at his watch and then back to the girls. “Record time, less than 15 min. I’ve heard the record is 20.” He teased as he laughed with Fin.
Y/n rolled her eyes as she grinned and grabbed her purse. “You guys are the worse.”
“Oh, but it worked, didn’t it?” Olivia smirked.
Y/n stared at her for a moment, now understanding why she had been so pushy about her wearing a skirt and sitting beside Casey. She could only shook her head and smile. “Thank you I guess.”
Casey nodded as she smirked. “Indeed, thank you. We’re gonna leave, though. Thanks for the drinks, and next round is on me.” She said as she left some money on the table and grabbed y/n’s hand again, pulling her to the exit.
“Your neck looks so pretty by the way, y/n!” Melinda yelled as she laughed with the rest.
“They’re really not gonna leave us alone.” Y/n said once they left the bar, standing outside and looking into Casey’s eyes as they stopped to wait for a taxi.
Casey chuckled softly as she put a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her lips. “Let them talk. At least everyone will know that you’re mine.”
Y/n smirked as she leaned in and kissed Casey again, squeezing her hand. “It was definitely not a bad idea to wear this.” She whispered softly, chuckling with Casey.
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