The new blog is officially ready for business, and I’m pleased with it. I’m going to officially move over to it shortly, and start things as soon as I can. I just want to get back into the groove of writing, so I’ll probably get a couple of prompts on there to get me warmed up. I feel wicked rusty.
I’m going to hand out the URL to a few people now, and probably others tomorrow when I’m not so tired. I’ll do it via Skype for the people I have there, and tumblr ask for the people I don’t.
I don’t know if I’ll carry my drafts over. Since I only have 11 of them, I just might. We’ll see.
I have my new blog almost completely done. I only have to write up info for Zoe AU, and then reblog the faceclaims. I finished the entire character sheet last night. I also changed the theme today because I didn’t like my last one.
I’m finicky.
For Zoe’s AU Info, I’m going to be doing it as a sort of question/answer info sort of thing. Here are the questions I have so far:
Why are you doing this AU?
Why name her Zoe?
What will her Nobody name be? (Suggestions are welcome)
Will her history and personality be the same as your version of Ienzo/Zexion?
Will her relationships be the same as they were with Ienzo/Zexion?
Will you write her in the same timelines as you do Ienzo/Zexion?
Do you ever plan to write a trans/non-binary au?
I can’t think of any other questions, but if you can think of any others, pass them along! I’m also trying to think of how the relationships will be affected. So, I’m going to have fun with this.
[Don't care which one lets throw them into a scene. Models or just general silliness heck even tinies. -offers high five remembers something about no hugs?-]
Aly, it’s Easter, not Halloween. A pumpkin isn’t appropriate.
Either way, I feel like being on here, and doing something. I don’t know what. Not my drafts, for sure. I don’t feel like looking at those unless it’s small and/or fun and you mention it to me. Small-time stuff on here, you know?
I’m just bored. And I don’t feel like being stuck in ‘my life sucks’ mode right now. Also, the new blog isn’t ready yet. I have a to-do list saved on my computer for that.
So, anyone up for stuff? Feel free to hit up the ask. Specify Ienzo or Zexion.
Yes, I am considering coming back. It wouldn’t be on this account, but I am considering it. Strongly.
However, it’s not going to be for a while--well, not permanently at least if I decide to go with it. Reasons below the cut in case you’re interested.
It felt really great to write something again today. I haven’t written something in months, and I haven’t had the motivation to. In fact, I haven’t had the motivation to do much of anything lately, so that was really something. I felt like I had my muse back! It was good. He’s been in my head more lately, poking and prodding and asking to be written again.
There are reasons why I’m saying no to that, though, for now. Here are the categories:
My health: I’ve still got the headache, but it’s been lessening (thank goodness). I’m working on that, and getting my sleep schedule on track since it, well, sucks. I’ve gotten a lot better with getting to sleep, but it’s getting up and staying awake that’s my issue. That’s partly due to the Lexapro I started taking back in February, which has not been nice to me. For the first several weeks I was on it, I couldn’t eat more than 1-1.5 meals per day. I ended up losing about 15 pounds total due to the nausea/stomachache it gave me. Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with that much until April 4-5 when my dose is increased.
That being said, my mental health hasn’t been great either. You’ll see why when I explain other stuff.
Work: When January came around, my company made it so all part-time employees can only work up to 29.75 hours; for those curious, this is because they cannot afford to pay for everyone’s health care due to the rising costs of premiums (thanks Affordable Care Act). So, money has been tight me, never mind the usual work complaints that y’all know of if you know me. I’ve been seizure-free for four months now, though, so I’ve updated my resume completely, and we’re getting my car inspected along with an oil change. Next step is the license.
My husband’s job has been keeping him out of the house nearly every single day, and, unfortunately, doesn’t earn him a lot of money. He’s looking for alternatives right now because it leaves me with keeping the entire house clean, which I can’t do right now because of low spoons/energy levels. It’s going to be slow, though.
Money: To give you an idea of how tight money is, my husband and I regularly map out our finances each and every month so we can see how much we’ll have to spend on groceries, gas, bills, et cetera. We have had to not pay a couple of his credit card bills for the last couple of months because we literally cannot afford to. My health insurance takes a lot of money out of my paycheck as well (about $280 per month).
Also, last month, while my husband had an appointment with someone who lived at an assisted living facility, someone hit the side of his car. We can’t open his passenger door now, and we weren’t able to find who hit the car; it was someone who visited the facility, not someone who lives there. The deductible for fixing the damage costs $500, which we of course don’t have right now. My husband is going to get his car assessed so we can probably sell it for a couple thousand dollars to be okay for the moment, and stop getting the phone calls to pay the credit card bills.
Currently, I’m seeing my therapist every other week--finally got to start that again--and my psychiatrist about every three or four weeks for medication reasons since Lexapro can cause seizures. My trichotillomania has not been improving since I’ve been having to hold myself back from pulling out more of my eyebrows lately, and the really negative thoughts have been coming back because of all of the stress I’ve been under. I don’t have a day off until April 3 (yes, I am working Easter morning), and I am just... I have to stop myself from crumbling a lot.
That is why I am hesitating to come back to RPing. I left a mess. There is a lot of negativity in the RPing world, and I got the Anons to prove it. I’m not sure that I could handle that where I am right now. Trust me--I want to write again. I really do. I love writing, and I feel like a part of me has been missing for a while now. Writing this piece made me so happy and excited. I want to jump on my new blog and play with it and get back in the fray with you. But, until my personal life calms the fuck down, and I can get things under control, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need to be in a good head space.
So, just give me some time, and I’ll see if I can jump back in with y’all. Maybe I’ll do some small stuff on Skype here and there, but not on here.
For reading all of that, I leave you with this:
In case you don’t remember, this is Liora. She is my now soon-to-be 10 month old Maine Coon (will be on April 13). Isn’t she precious? There are more pictures on my personal if you want to see her.
Title: Happiness
Characters: Ienzo and Kairi
Word Count:1,947
Genre: Sappy as fuck
Description: Kairi couldn’t ask for more out of her life. All it took was meeting someone in the right place at the right time, and giving him a chance.
I know your birthday is tomorrow, but I couldn’t wait to post this. I originally got this idea in my head about a week ago, and it wouldn’t get out of my head. Originally, it was going to be wicked angsty, but it turned into this. I am very pleased with how it turned out, and I hope you are too.
Happy Birthday, @lightsvessel! You deserve so many wonderful birthdays for being such a marvelous person. Thank you for being such a fantastic friend.
Kairi never thought she’d have even close to a normal life: a house, a job outside of slaying Heartless, chores, and no imminent threats. It almost felt weird to wake up with the warm breeze from the beach blowing in through her windows, but she loved it. Sunlight filtered in as the sun started to rise, touching the laundry on the floor—the bedroom was a mess. She’d clean that later. She told herself that every day as she had less and less time to herself and devoted more to Lucy.
Speaking of which, why didn’t she wake up to her blaring alarm? She opened her eyes to look at the clock, and sighed. It was at least an hour after she set her alarm; either she didn’t hear it, or it never went off. A quick glance to her left and at the empty side of the bed told her it was the latter. Ienzo must have woken up a long time ago.
She pushed herself out of bed, and put on the nearest bathrobe as she started walking out of the bedroom. Even if the house was quiet, something that rarely happened nowadays, she still needed to check on Lucy, and feed her.
--
Years ago, when she came back to Saint Petersburg from the Keyblade War as someone neither of them recognized, she couldn’t foresee this future. She had to heal, and try to see something beyond the next day. It was frustrating, slow, and heartbreaking—never mind the nightmares that added terror to the mix. She learned healing was a process, not an end goal, and that neither of them were these perfect people anymore, and they never were to begin with. In the end, they found solace in one another knowing that.
“She doesn’t look at me like I’m a monster that needs to be killed.”
“He doesn’t look at me expecting me to be better by now.”
They stayed together, and their relationship improved. It started out as quiet, minding one another’s space and remembering what it was like to live together again. A few weeks later, the sass came back in the middle of making dinner—Kairi didn’t stop herself from grinning at the pout on Ienzo’s face. Their relationship later reached the point where Ienzo smiled around her often, and the cold outside couldn’t stop them from clasping hands. Giggles and laughs bounced off the walls of Ienzo’s house as they told each other stories, and silence erupted while they sat and read together. By the time Kairi’s injury healed more, they danced in the middle of the living room to music the rest of Saint Petersburg would find unusual—Ienzo occasionally did.
Months into living with her, Ienzo told Kairi that he loved her. She reciprocated those feelings, and she told him just that.
Another several months, Kairi knelt down on the ground, proposed to him as snow fell around them.
“Let me finish before you say anything, okay? I just… we’ve been through a lot. You were so awful when I first met you—I didn’t even think you were a person. But, I decided to get to know you, and I learned that there was more. I grew to like you, and want to be around you, even if you didn’t want to talk all of the time. I don’t know when I started liking you, but I did—you’re oblivious, so I can’t ask you when.” Ienzo frowned as she giggled nervously before coughing. “And you’re adorably handsome, so that helps. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I love you, I care about you, and I really want to spend my life with you. So…” She pulled a box out of her pocket, revealing a simple ring since she knew nothing else would do. “Will you marry me, Ienzo?”
Waiting for Ienzo to give her his petrified stare before running into a Corridor as far away from her, she bit her lip. No, she couldn’t look—she had to close her eyes. She dumped all of these feelings onto him, ruined a good day, and they both knew that he didn’t do commitment. Marriage wasn’t on the table. He could barely do romance. Hadn’t they discussed this already? Please don’t run. Please at least stay. Please at least let the no be gentle, and don’t ru—
“Yes.”
What. She opened one eye, but didn’t look at his face.
“Yes, I will.”
He wasn’t running, and he was saying yes. Kairi opened both eyes, and met his gaze.
“Are you going to put that ring on my finger, or will I have to?”
“Sassbutt.” She stood up, and slid the ring onto his hand, which immediately found hers.
The wedding that occurred about a year and a couple months later in Destiny Islands went well. It was small, only for their closest friends and family. Shortly afterward, they moved to the islands after much deliberation. No other world proved to be safer according to Ienzo—he couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t be recognized in others, and Radiant Garden, while his original home, made his heart ache with every thought.
It surprised Kairi that he would settle in a world that, in his own words, “I may just melt in one of these days,” or just settle at all that wasn’t Saint Petersburg with his grandmother. He loved it there. Why leave a life he seemed to like, and pursue a different path all together?
She found the answer in Lucy before she was born. They brought up children many times before they married, and even before they dated. Ienzo seemed adamantly against it for countless reasons. He wouldn’t know how to be parent. He didn’t want to die early and leave his child to be an orphan like him—because that would be what happened. Monsters couldn’t be good parents. He didn’t want his child to die, and have to learn what it was like to lose someone all over again. What if Xehanort came back? What if a new enemy appeared? What if his child learned who he really was? And on and on the reasons went.
Somewhere along the line, and she didn’t know when it happened, he changed his mind. He wanted a family.
“You’re sure about this? You’re not going to back of this, and leave?”
“No, I will not.”
“Because you don’t get to do that. You have to stay no matter what happens.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to raise them on my own. I don’t want to have to explain to everyone, especially our child when they’re older, that you ran away because it got too hard, and went who knows where. I don’t want you to break their heart.”
“I won’t go anywhere. I will stay.”
“I’m just… concerned. You were so sure that you didn’t want children, and I understood why, and I was fine with it. What changed?”
He took a minute to think before answering. “This will sound absurd, but I thought of what my parents were like. They were ecstatic to have a child in their lives. My mother told me I was the best thing that happened to them. I consider that, and their life. They were terrified in Radiant Garden. They ran away from everything they knew, and everyone they loved. They did not know if Rasputin would chase them. Nevertheless, they had me, and did not once regret it.” He smiled at Kairi, blinking a few times. “I may not be in any way close to them, but I want to have something they did: a family.”
Kairi stared at him for several seconds, stunned. It did not take long, however, before she smiled back. “It took long enough for you to get some optimism. How many years?”
“And you wonder why I never wanted to be honest with you.”
“I’m glad you decided to be. This is big of you, and I’m proud of you.”
“That does not mean I am not still terrified.”
“I know.” She held his hand, their fingers intertwined. “That’s what I’m here for.”
--
Kairi started her adventure by leaving Destiny Islands, and learning to become a Keyblade Master in order to help stop Xehanort. As she went about her quest, she met a man in the castle of Radiant Garden turning people into Heartless. This man, in her eyes, was nothing more than a monster, someone who needed to be locked up because he was just like Xehanort: he saw people as nothing more than tools, a means to an end, and he had the personality to match. Not only that, but he was the one that tried to kill Riku, and nearly succeeded. What could she possibly like about him?
She learned, and quicker than most, that wasn’t the right question to ask. She needed to ask different ones. What happened to make him like this? What was he like before? What did he like to do? Where did he like to do? What did he like to eat? What didn’t he like to eat? Did he like to do anything else but read and make wiseass remarks? What made him laugh? What made him sad? What could possibly turn a human being into a monster like Xehanort?
He was a human being, not a monster.
She spent time with him in-between training and missions learning everything she could. Of course, he did the same when he was with her. With time, they could list each other’s strengths and weaknesses, but wouldn’t dare to use them against one another—because that would be a betrayal of trust. They weren’t quite friends, but they were beyond acquaintances. Eventually, the label of friendship fit as they started to learn what it was like to throw pillows at each other for no other reason other than ‘you said something stupid’, or dealing with each other’s nightmares. Progressing to something more felt natural to her, but odd to him—he didn’t know what to make of it. He ran almost every time she tried.
And now, as she opened the door to the nursery, she couldn’t be happier she met him, and that she ran after him. He didn’t hear the creak of the wood, nor did he glance up to see her. No, those blue eyes that once knew only how to glare watched their newborn daughter with amazement as he sat with her in a rocking chair. One foot made the chair rock as Lucy cooed, and smiled back at her father. It appeared she was indeed awake, but Kairi didn’t need to worry about feeding her.
“You shut off my alarm,” she said, catching Ienzo’s attention. Startled, his head snapped up.
“Is that terrible?” he replied with a grin.
“Well, now that I know Lucy’s okay, no.” She walked over to stand about a foot away, leaving enough room for the chair to continue rocking. “You did feed her, right?”
“Yes I did. You can sleep more if you wish.”
“No, I’m fine. I like being with you two.” She didn’t feel the need to say anything more, deciding to bask in the moment. She had her healthy, beautiful daughter, and her husband in the same room with her. She lived for the sound of coos and the rocking chair and the occasional doting in Russian that she could sort of understand. She couldn’t care less that laundry coated her bedroom floor, or that neither of them finished the dishes from yesterday. No, right now: she lived for this.
This was her happiness, and nothing could take it away from her.
Just saying hello. I’ve had random bits of inspiration here and there, but not enough to write, and certainly not enough to consider redoing an account. I just wanted to say hi, and see what everyone was up to, if you were all okay, and stuff like that. I’m still pretty active over on my personal.
Sorry for not logging on, or saying anything. Logging onto this account causes anxiety these days. Hell, I already saw yelling on my dash, so I’m not staying for long. I just wanted to say hello. I don’t think I’m going to be coming back to RP. If I do, it’s not going to be for a while. I’ve been on my new medication by itself for over a week now with little to no issues so far, so... that’s a bonus. I just usually can’t eat much more than one meal per day.
If you want to see my new kitten, her name is Liora, and she can be seen here. If you want to see more photos, and videos, of her and my other cats, you can peruse my tag for my cats. We brought her home on November 17, and she’s been doing well since then.
Anyway, that’s all. I’ve been on my personal, which is fatedefied. If you want my Skype, send me an ask there. I’m turning asks and submissions off here. See you around.
Her current name is Felicia. She is five months old, and a Maine Coon tabby mix. We will be picking her up Tuesday after she has been spayed and had her rabies shot. She really liked the husband, and she purred, so yay!
We’re still deciding on names, but we might just go with Serenity.
I do not have IM yet. Please do not give it to me. I want tumblr to smack me in the face with it when it’s good and ready. I don’t have it on my personal account either, which is where I’ve been spending most of my time when not working, rewatching Agents of Shield (which I’m done with now), or playing Assassin’s Creed.
I’m still hesitant to come back here full time. I’m still doing the isolating thing. This bout of depression isn’t done kicking my ass yet.
I think I’m going to take a break from this account for a while. Recent Anons, and what’s been going on over the last few weeks, has made it difficult for me to want to continue RPing on here. The RPing community hasn’t lost its toxicity, and I can only handle so much before my anxiety just goes into overdrive.
I’m actually going to reblog a thing just because this is really important.
As someone who has epilepsy and used to have several grand mal seizures a day, I’d also like to add that “offer help” can range anywhere from keeping the person calm to explaining to them where they are and what they were doing to even just telling them they should sit and rest for a while longer (lack or coordination is common, and it can be hard to walk straight or see clearly).
It’s okay for them to take up to a half hour to fully regain their bearings and sort out what they were doing prior to the seizure. Just answer any questions calmly and be there for support.
If they come around and you start to panic or shake them or ask them what the heck is wrong with them they are going to freak out and panic too.
I cannot stress it enough that this is bad.
If someone has a seizure and they come out of it, please. please stay calm.
They are likely disoriented and confused, even if it’s only for a minute or two, and you don’t want them panicking on top of that because they can have another seizure as a result.
IMPORTANT because last year a kid in my class had a seizure, none of us even knew he was at risk for them either so just cause you don’t think you know anyone doesn’t mean you don’t
I have to stress how important it is to time a seizure. If it lasts more than a few minutes, call an ambulance.
DO NOT CALL THE POLICE. I’m dead fucking serious. I had a grand mal in public once and the POLICE were called and imagine coming out of the seizure, feeling like you got smacked in the head with a sack full of bricks, confused, dazed, in desperate need of some sugar to boost low blood pressure and some DIPSHIT has called the police and I was being threatened with being ‘drunk and disorderly’. It took a phone call to my doctors office to get them to back off. The police cannot properly deal with sick people.
Offer help can be:
assuring person where they are/what time it is
getting them something to drink if they can; seizure burns so much energy and does cause a blood pressure drop
getting them safely to transport or a carer
getting them some dignity like a blanket/towel [loosing control of your bladder and bowels is fucking horrifying]
ensuring they have a way to get home. Someone who has just had a seizure should NEVER DRIVE straight after
calling emergency services if you notice any of these symptoms because they may have stroked out.
Why you shouldn’t put anything in someone’s mouth: they will choke. Yes, they may bite their tongue but I can assure you it’s less traumatic than cracking your jaw on someone’s greasy wallet or choking on a spoon.
DO NOT HOLD ANYONE DOWN. Example: someone pinned my right shoulder mid-seizure a few years back and how I have a permanently displaced and clicking shoulder. Let the person flail around, those muscles are out of control and restraining them does cause more damage to the patient and you.
I can’t emphasize the above points enough. Please, please don’t ever put something in someone’s mouth if they’re seizing, and don’t try to restrain them, or otherwise hold them down. However, if possible, make sure they’re lying down, and something soft is under their head. Also, maintaining calm is extremely important. Seizures can be triggered by strong emotions like fear and anger.
These also apply to my myoclonic seizures. Sometimes, I won’t even realize I’m having them, and I have to rely on other people noticing them. If I do have them, and you notice before me, get me to lie down, and away from stuff. I have banged my elbows on granite counters, banged my head on sinks, fallen in showers, and fallen down the stairs, from these seizures. Don’t let me move until they’re over.
Also, yeah, don’t let them drive after a seizure. Ever. Should be obvious, but yeah.
I’ve deleted my response to the Anon, and the post following it. I do have a screenshot of it saved, so if the Anon who sent it wants to see my response, you can message me, and I will send it to you. TLDR: I was not aware of an issue with that particular verse of mine, and I actually had never heard of one of the terms you used. However, it’s been corrected; my verses page is now empty.
With that being said, I’m going to just get off of here for today. My brain is considering moving a lot of my RPs to Google Docs or something. I’m trying to stop my “I can’t do anything right, so why bother at all?” thinking in its tracks. I had that verse on my page since... I want to say January. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. I have the document for the profile last modified on January 2 (admittedly, at 1:33AM). I just wonder why no one said anything sooner.
I’m now uncomfortable with having anything but a short about section for my Canon verse on my page.
I’m still also in a lot of pain teeth wise, and I can’t do anything about it until some time this afternoon. So, for now, taking Tylenol, hoping it works, and sitting on my couch and watching season one of Agents of Shield (you know, when I actually really liked Ward and he wasn’t an awful human being).
