🍞Toasty🔥

[sleeping-jo]

[segamascott]

[starless-planet]

Me, age 10, doing an essay on the pharaoh’s curse for school: huh. So this archeologist that died and everyone thought it was because he disturbed the pharaoh’s tomb actually died because he used a rusty razor to shave and it infected a mosquito bite. I can see how people could come to that conclusion, but it is a bit silly

Me, today, shaving my mosquito bite-ridden legs: I must tread carefully lest I incur the pharaoh’s wrath

[bbnotumbl]

[thememedaddy]

[wizardarchetypes]

i was at an event last night in california and i went to the bar to order wine bc wine was like, a thing, and i looked at the menu and saw i was completely out of my depth bc idk any wine names, so i turned to my right and there was a man in a gorgeous suit standing at the bar beside me and i said “do you know anything about wine?” and he said “a little, yes!” i told him i liked white and dry wines and asked if he’d order for me. he asked the server for two glasses and had one poured for each of us and then he clinked his glass on mine but he didn’t take a sip, he just watched me taste mine and then he asked what i thought and i said “it’s pretty good, but like i said, i wouldn’t know.” he laughed and told me to have a good time & i walked away. fifteen minutes later i found out he’s the winemaker.

[girlypop-shitto]

[bbnotumbl]

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[discount-goth-grill]

I thought to myself, while doing it.

[were--ralph]

this tweet genre is so fucking funny i need more of them

[bbnotumbl]

[ririwithrice]

mitocorndriog.....

that ain’t right

[henstomper]

truly do not understand workplace drama. we're stuck here doing stupid bullshit for 8 hours and you want to make it worse? But on the other hand I love hearing about arguments that are not and never will be my problem

[sacredstem]

i’m obsessed with how every single person can be stupid in their own special way and infinitely smart in another. simultaneously

[jessesajoke]

lets go places on mama

[xanaxfarts]

[goth-queen]